kkktookmybabyaway

11:45 a.m. • Wonder if this was featured in Mikey Moore's latest film? Boy, it's a good thing those new moms got all this at no charge thanks to Canada's FREE health care. Perhaps Mikey didn't mention this because these people were nothing but plants by the corporations. 9:15 a.m. • Whenever I wake up in the morning, there's always at least one of our three milling around, or on, the bed. Animals may not be as "smart" as humans, but I'd take their instincts over what's printed in textbooks during many of life's instances. 7:15 a.m. • So I finally got around to watching “Batman Begins” last night (like I’ve said before, I don’t watch movies in the theaters all that often, so I normally wait until they come out on DVD). All I can say is … wow. Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Katie Holmes ... Morgan Freeman. Awesome stuff. I actually liked the first part of the film when more of a “backstory” was presented than when all the action took place. I’m not a big comic book guy, but Batman was one of my favorites. This of course means I had at one time a dozen or so of his comics. I didn’t see “Batman” coming out of Christian Bale (who I never heard of up to this point), but that’s not a knock on him. It’s just whenever I hear “Batman” the first image that pops into my head is Michael Keaton –– similar to how I think of Roger Moore whenever I hear the words “James Bond,” even though I always liked the Sean Connery movies better. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way when the Joker is featured in the next movie, which is what I’ve read about in the TSM Movie folder. That white-and-green bad guy will always be Jack to me. • While I'm on the subject of movies –– que?

5:45 p.m. • Ohs Nos. Here's my question. Why would Home Depot take any MoveOn protest seriously? That would be like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse buckling under PETA pressure because its members threaten not to go there for dinner because Sean Hannity pimps the eatery on his radio show. Yeah, Home Depot, cave in to the group that wants to live in grass huts. • An update on dead neighbors. That guy who I thought was dead a while back is still kicking. I recently saw his television on at 6 a.m. while getting into the car for my morning work commute. However, my next-door neighbor's (the wife of the deceased groundhog killer, for those keeping score at home) cat died. Hey, that kitty was 16 years old and had more energy than my three combined. No complaints about its time on this earth. • When this story first broke I put my head in the sand. Now hear my warning. Any more articles that begin with... ...will result in me hunting down the so-called journalist that would write this and kill them. That's all. 3 p.m. • OK, now this is depressing. Late last year I spoke with my former high school teacher after 13 years since my graduation. Turns out some of her students were working on this publication and I assisted her with some things. I just received the book today, and goddamn was this an impressive effort. After a first look-thorough I saw a few faux pas, but nothing serious –– mostly just little inconsistencies that only I would notice. Overall, this was an excellent product, and it made me think back to when I was in high school and my academic achievement –– or lack thereof. Hell, this is the same teacher who once called a work of mine in my 11th grade creative writing contest the most “bigoted thing she’s ever read” and “garbage.” What is this poem you ask? Well, if you remember TSM’s “Get Your Learn On” Folder, you’ll probably remember the poem in question. But it’s now 3 p.m. and time to go home. Developing… 7:30 a.m. • So the last few years whenever I mowed the lawn I’d bag the clippings and store them in the backyard shed until garbage day, when I’d transport them to the curb. The problem with this is that many times I forgot about them and they would stay in the shed for weeks at a time, depending on the next time I mowed the lawn, opened the shed, and said “shit.” This year I’m trying something different. Instead of the shed, I’m putting the bags in the garage. This way I see them almost every day and I won’t forget about them. There’s only one downside to this: the grass aroma can leave a bit of a stink. However, the minuses outweigh the pluses, in my opinion. Of course, Mrs. kkk doesn’t agree with this and has bitched since the start of the mowing season this year. To shut her up, I went back to putting them in the shed. With all that said, here’s a conversation of our trip to work today. “Did you take the grass bags from the shed for the garbage?” “Shit. I forgot.” “Why did you do that?” “Because I mowed the lawn last Saturday and forgot.” “When did you start putting them back in the shed?” “Because you kept bitching about the bags being in the garage.” Wedded bliss.

Mulch this...

YOU of all people should know why I don't go to the theater, what with all the stupid-ass stories you've heard from me over the years (it's much worse when I grumble face-to-face). And Oscar would NEVER do something like that.

I hope it's not the one at the airport. He pisses me off.

Well at least you learned. I still repeat the same mistakes. Not like I care, though.

The thing with the Keaton/Jack Batman is that most times when I watch it I lose interest mid-way through (and that's weird considering I need to watch movies/tv shows all the way through even if they're terrible). If I had to pick a spot, it was when the Joker crashed the restaurant and re-does some of the artwork.

You should have known better than the gym membership. Any guy knows that if you're going to go down this route you say, "Honey, how about we both start going to the gym?" Either that or make the bitch pay for it herself.

8:30 p.m. So I was flipping through channels the other day and came across this. Do I really need to say anything else? 2:30 p.m. • Please let there be footage of this and have it end up on one of those "Wildest Chases/Stupid Criminals" shows. Ha, I don't need to wait that long. Here's the video. 7 a.m. • So Ward Churchill finally got the boot from his cushy academic job. Now I get to hear about this shit for the next few years while he sues over his free speech rights. Hey, Colorado, you hired him. You gave him tenure. You reap what you sow. • So whenever you pour some chili on your hot dogs, remember that it was made in the ghetto. Oh well, can't be any worse than the imported shit we get from China and Mexico. This part made me laugh, but I always get a chuckle from the word "crack house."

What was wrong with Ron Jeremy? I would have thought any campus would welcome him with open arms and mouths. I could see the feminazis protesting, but anyone else would be a surprise.

7:30 p.m. • So yesterday the better half was in one of her “nobody loves me I’m going to be a miserable bitch” moods, which prompted me to buy her some flowers in hopes that the rest of the day would be somewhat bearable. As I went to purchase these overpriced plants at the register, I noticed I got a few looks from some female passer-bys. So here’s some advice to you single guys out there looking to score at a grocery store outside of its produce section: Do your shopping with some flowers/roses in hand. Of course, whenever Mrs. kkk sees some guy doing this she always asks, “why don’t you get me flowers anymore?” to which my reply usually is, “because I haven’t pissed you off to the extent where I would have to get them for a while.” • After all that shit with those hippie iPhones coming out we get this. 2:30 p.m. • But did they get health benefits and work breaks? • So the local Wendy's around here has its breakfast menu all up an running. Best of luck to them. I'm not a big breakfast-on-the-go person, but out of all the fast-food places out there, I've always liked Wendy's the best. It's a shame this place is in financial trouble. • I talked about this a while back, but because it's not showing up on my searches, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I sided with the docs on this one then as I do now. Then again, perhaps I should be like those Jersey feminazis who said that when 9/11 first happened, W. shouldn't have been reading turtle books to school children and instead have been in Air Force One shooting down any other hijacked planes. • Why am I posting this? Because I'm curious to know what will become of the two crackmoms in my neck of the woods whose kids died in a house fire while they were at a bar. • Really? I would have never guessed.

11 p.m. • So I was listening to an archived Dennis Miller radio show from earlier this week, and he had a few callers talk about their days working at a GM/Chrysler/etc. plant, where the unions don’t care what goes on as long as you pay your dues. Were these callers really ex-Big Labor workers? Who knows. But my favorite was this chick who said, “I was the first manager at Chrysler, err, I mean a major automotive plant.” Oh, that was smooth. She said “Big plant” once more, then Miller said, “Was it Chrysler.” Great delivery – made me laugh out loud. Later on in the afternoon I was listening to a local RIGHT-WING RADIO host who was taking calls from some PISSED OFF people because their government schools were going to be invaded by some city folk. Here’s the story in more detail. Part of me feels for these people who are about to have more students go to their school. Duquesne is a shit hole, and I’m sure these students will drag down the quality of the other two schools they populate, even though I’m not sure how good West Mifflin and East Allegheny are regarding academics. I'm sure people who call these detractors "RACISTS" would do the same thing if a similar event would take place in their township. However, this is what happens when your child is enrolled in a government school. The show's highlight was some kid who was reading from a piece of paper about something-or-other about this issue to the host. The host asked, “are you reading off a piece of paper?” The caller said no, which prompted the host to say, “it sounds like you’re reading something to me.” The caller responded, “It’s all from the brain,” then made that “Ptttth" noise you make with your tongue before hanging up the phone. It’s times like this when I love local radio. Speaking of talk radio, the other day some caller to Mark Madden’s show suggested that the Pens top draft pick (some center) should be the starting center while Sidney Crosby, the league MVP, moves over to a wing position. Did I mention that sometimes there is nothing funnier than local talk radio? And what’s on the horizon – Steelers training camp. Time to over-analyze every training camp drill and keep track of which players drink the most Gatorade. 10:30 p.m. • Shit. This is the sort of thing that gives local governments more money from Uncle Sam. Speaking of managing money, I just found out today that the "miscellaneous" part of my department's budget includes the ink cartridges I order for my office printer. What's odd about this? Every other ink cartridge in our organization gets paid for out of the general office supply budget. I don't think my "So am I going to be billed for the paper, pens and paper clips I use?" didn't help matters much. Then again, I'm not allowed to spend any money in my budget anyway, and neither is my poor co-worker, who got the third degree for a recent business trip when he dared to put down hotel and fuel costs on an expense report. 10 p.m. • So the better half was arguing with me over the meaning of “hot” when it comes to describing someone’s attractiveness. She contended that “hot” meant, in guy speak, “I sure want to fuck that chick,” adding that words like “pretty,” “attractive,” and “good-looking” mean that the male doesn’t want to stick his thingy in the stink box as much. After pondering this for a few seconds, I had to disagree. I always considered “hot” to be a general slang term. Now if a guy says any of the other terms, I would contend that person wants to have sex even more because he actually took the time to think of these more descriptive words. You can say that anyone is “hot,” but to take the time and tell a woman that they are “pretty” or “attractive” seemed to get the panties wetter faster. Then again, you can just get them drunk and wait until they pass out and not have to worry about any of this. • The fact this guy is a University of Cincy student doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I remember applying for a number of UC jobs during my time in Ohio, and each time I was given an Authoritve Blacktion card to let them know what race I was. After sending in a few of these, I decided to just start filling in other races other than the mighty whitey category. I wonder if they HR people actually believed an Eskimo was applying for work at their institution. 3:30 p.m. • So a while back I applied for this one job that I never heard back from except for when I got the “Your resume is impressive but you suck” letter. In fact, it came so long after I applied, it took me a while to remember when I first sent my resume out. A few months later (my rejection letter came around late February/early March), I noticed in the newspaper that the same job was advertised again (this was sometime in April). I chuckled to myself figuring the “ideal candidate” they picked didn’t work out. I looked through the classifieds last night and guess what I read? Yep. The same place looking for the same position. Now either this place is expanding at such a rapid rate they need to triple the staff for this position or they are such a clusterfuck to work for that the turnover rate is just as bad as the Houston Texans (or whoever led the league in this category last year). Sometimes the job you get passed over for is the best thing that could ever happen.

No. It's free. Shows are archived for 120 days.

7:30 p.m. • Christ, like I don’t stay home enough already – just got off the phone with the Comcast guy for this package deal. For the past year I’ve had this $100/month deal (fuck this $99.99 shit) where I got Digital Cable, Internet and phone service all under the Comcast umbrella. This deal expires tomorrow and I was eligible for a Digital Premier Bundle for $160/month. I will now be getting all the HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, TMC, Encore and Starz channels, along with an upgraded tier of digital channels and a DVR. Now I really don’t care that much about getting premium channels – when Mrs. kkk and I moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003, we took this special offer from Comcast where we got Digital Cable and some premium channels for a cheap price for six months. Once this expired we cancelled the digital service and went on with life. What made me take this service is that the aforementioned $100/month deal is ending and the normal cost for this stuff is somewhere around $120/month – why not do an extra $40 and get all this other stuff. Remember, it’s not so much being a Jew with your money but rather the kind of value you get. 4:15 p.m. • So with this being third full season where I’ve been mowing the yard, I’m actually surprised to learn that I don’t mind doing this shit during the summer months. I thought the spring/fall seasons would be more acceptable to me because I hate humidity. However, the summer months also features a dry lawn, which makes cutting so much more easier than when my grass-killing contraption clogs up with damp grass every 10 feet of mowing. • I read this in the paper today and just had to share the best parts

Ha. There's a nearby bar/restaurant that does the same thing. I've been meaning to talk about this place for some time now. Yeah, that's sure offensive. Then again, perhaps the mom had to say...

9:30 p.m. • So Drew Carey is going to follow in Bob Barker’s footsteps. As long as he promises never to do another one of those “Whose Line…” shows, I’m down. Other than that abortion of a show, I’ve never had a problem with Carey. I remember years ago he was on O’Reilly’s show blasting Uncle Sam’s death tax, so he’s A-OK in my book. • Mom and Pop, look out. • Hey environmentalists, please protest in China during the next summer games. Please please please please please please. Let's see how tolerant the Chinese are of your cries of global warming and pollution. 3 p.m. • Uh, oops. I have oftentimes identified people by their appearance, and one time it could have bitten me in the rump. I was at the Quickie Mart, and this one guy forgot to pay for his fuel. He was a frequent patron, but I didn’t know his name. I left a note for the next cashier that the “bald guy” with the beard that drove a particular vehicle forgot to pay for his fill up. He, of course, read this note a day or so later when he stopped in for something-or-other. Fortunately, he had a sense of humor and just found the note funny. What else was I supposed to say – the 6’1” white male with a beard? I find it funny that some people have a problem with saying somebody is of a particular race. Picture this: you are at a table with nine white guys and a black guy, and the black guy just told a funny story, leaving the other people in stitches. A stranger walks buy and asks you what happened, and you reply, “Bob just told a funny joke.” The stranger then says, “Who’s Bob?” What do you say – the man with the green pants and brown Polo shirt? No, you say “the black guy.” It’s funny to see some people squirm around this subject. When I was at community college, my feminazi school newspaper adviser was trying to describe to a student what the subject of his upcoming feature story looked like. She first said, “he’s big,” followed by “he has a beard.” I couldn’t take it anymore and blurted out “he’s black.” Of course, he was one of two or three black professors at this place. The group of students sitting around me just started laughing out loud at how our liberal prof skirted around the most distinctive characteristic this guy had.

This publication kept me entertained many times while waiting in line at the grocery store. Sad day indeed.

7:30 p.m. • Oh this better not start a trend. That is, unless this TV prez gets killed. • And yet we continue to bitch about $3/gallon gasoline. Well, this ruling is by the 9th Circus, so there is a chance it'll get overturned. • Gee, what’s this? A tax that didn’t do what it was supposed to do? I’m shocked. Boy, I can’t wait for this FREE government health care. • Don't you know that forbidding prayer while at work during unscheduled breaks is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male? I really don't care about all this shit, but what caught my eye was this guy's name. 12:15 p.m. • So I just heard on the NFL Network that you can get 177 different words from Houshmandez. Damn. • I goofed on Philly's mayor a while back regarding his waiting in like for an iPhone. All is forgiven.

My bad. I misread the post. Why then would I care what yet another commie says about Mr. SC? EDIT: Regarding "", probably something along the lines of you're making this person up. Hell if I can remember.

What's going on all of next week that will take Around the Horn off the air?

It's not really a "scene," but I cringe every time I hear some actress scream during "Spiderman 2." *Debris falling to the ground* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Bad guy scoops up girl* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sometime during the preseason. I haven't decided yet. No sooner than Week 2 probably.

RFK Jr. is a fucking idiot. Typical Limo Liberal -- if only some windmills were built off the Kennedy Compound.

Your "friend" is probably a RINO.

No. Now it's the worst idea ever.