kkktookmybabyaway

Drat. And I haven't had my commie fix for the day. If you're going to type anything longer than a sentence, I'd say to do so in a Word document first and then copy and paste it to your blog. I remember Bored going through the same thing a few times.

In the four years I've been doing this, I don't think I've come across a weekend where there are so many matchups that could go a long way to determining division winners. With that being said, I have a referendum to put to vote. QUESTION: For non-Sunday games where multiple NFL games are being played (Thanksgiving Day, for example), should there be one deadline for all games on that day, or should each game get its own deadline? For example, On Thanksgiving Day, Gert T submitted his Turkey Day picks late (about an hour after the first game of the day begain, if memory serves). With the rules as they are, Gert missed out on all three games for that day. With approval of this proposed rule, Gert would have missed the first game of the day, but because he got his picks before the other two games that day he would have had those two other selections count. This rule would not be applied to Sunday games, but rather instances where multiple games take place on a non-Sunday. This rule will also apply to all postseason match-ups. If someone misses the first wild card game of the weekend, he could still pick on the other three games if he gets them in on time. Vote on whether or not you want to allow this exemption. A "yes" vote means this rule will be adopted for next year. A "no" means the status quo. If you don't vote then I don't count it as a "yes" or "no". If the votes are cast and the result is a tie, the staus quo will remain. If you want to vote, let me know with this week's picks. And if you don't want this rule to apply to the postseason, or if you want this to just apply to the postseason, voice your opinion on this aspect, too, and if there's enough interest one way or another I'll put it to a run-off. VOTE TOTALS: YES: Harley Quinn, Starvenger, Canadian Guitarist, Spaceman Spiff, Always Pissed Off NO: King of the 909, Lightning Flik, Hawk34, Kahran, KingPK, Porter, Danville, Bravesfan, Fazzle, Cena's Writer, Cuban Linx, Smues, Canadian Chris, SFA Jack, Hawk34, Cleveland at Pittsburgh (7.5) (3.5) Atlanta at Tampa Bay Baltimore at Kansas City (2.5) Buffalo at N.Y. Jets (4.5) (1.5) Indianapolis at Jacksonville Minnesota at Detroit (2.5) (3.5) New England at Miami New Orleans at Dallas (6.5) N.Y. Giants at Carolina (3.5) Oakland at Cincinnati (10.5) (1.5) Philadelphia at Washington Tennessee at Houston (1.5) Green Bay at San Francisco (5.5) (3.5) Seattle at Arizona Denver at San Diego (7.5) (6.5) Chicago at St. Louis Cleveland (SFA Jack 10-3) defeated Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 7-5-1) 6-6+TB CLE: CLE/ATL/KC/NYJ/JAX/DET/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/WAS/HOU/GB/SEA/DEN/STL/16 PIT: CLE/TB/KC/NYJ/IND/DET/NE/NO/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/17 DIFF: ATL/TB, JAX/IND, NYG/CAR, WAS/PHI, HOU/TEN, GB/SF, DEN/SD, STL/CHI, 16/17 Atlanta (King of the 909 10-3) defeated Tampa Bay (Starvenger 8-5) 11-10 ATL: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/JAX/MIN/NE/NO/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/21 TB: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/DET/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/10 DIFF: JAX/IND, MIN/DET, CAR/NYG Baltimore (King PK 5-7-1) defeated Kansas City (Alfdogg 7-6) 9-6 BAL: CLE/ATL/KC/BUF/JAX/MIN/NE/DAL/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/23 KC: CLE/TB/KC/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/DAL/CAR/CIN/WAS/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/20 DIFF: ATL/TB, BUF/NYJ, JAX/IND, PHI/WAS, SF/GB Buffalo (Bob Barron 7-6) defeated N.Y. Jets (Gert T 6-7) 12-9 BUF: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/MIN/MIA/NO/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/17 NYJ: XX/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/WAS/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/20 DIFF: PIT/XXX, MIA/NE, CAR/NYG, PHI/WAS, GB/SF, 17/20 Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 7-6) defeated by Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 10-3) 5-10 IND: CLE/TB/KC/XXX/IND/XXX/NE/NO/NYG/OAK/WAS/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/35 JAX: XXX/ATL/KC/BUF/JAX/MIN/NE/DAL/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/17 DIFF: TB/ATL, XXX/BUF, IND/JAX, XXX/MIN, NO/DAL, OAK/CIN, WAS/PHI, 35/17 Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 8-5) defeated Detroit (Bravesfan 9-4) 9-8 MIN: CLE/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/OAK/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/26 DET: PIT/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/DET/NE/DAL/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/19 DIFF: CLE/PIT, BAL/KC, MIN/DET, NO/DAL, OAK/CIN New England (nl-asshole 6-6-1) defeated by Miami (Spaceman Spiff 4-9) 8-10 NE: CLE/ATL/BAL/NYJ/JAX/MIN/NE/DAL/CAR/CIN/PHI/HOU/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/31 MIA: PIT/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/20 DIFF: CLE/PIT, BAL/KC, JAX/IND, DAL/NO, CAR/NYG, HOU/TEN, 31/20 New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 5-7-1) defeated by Dallas (Hawk34 5-8) 6-7 NO: CLE/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/OAK/WAS/TEN/SF/SEA/DEN/STL/28 DAL: CLE/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/DET/MIA/DAL/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/26 DIFF: BAL/KC, MIN/DET, NE/MIA, NO/DAL, NYG/CAR, OAK/CIN, WAS/PHI, DEN/SD, STL/CHI N.Y. Giants (Cartman 5-8) defeated Carolina (Fazzle 4-9) 12-8 NYG: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/JAX/MIN/MIA/DAL/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/28 CAR: PIT/ATL/KC/BUF/IND/DET/NE/NO/CAR/OAK/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/18 DIFF: BAL/KC, NYJ/BUF, JAX/IND, MIN/DET, MIA/NE, DAL/NO, NYG/CAR, CIN/OAK, 28/18 Oakland (Smues 7-6) defeated Cincinnati (Teke 5-7-1) 12-9 OAK: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/14 CIN: XX/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/17 DIFF: PIT/XX, NYG/CAR, GB/SF Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 6-6-1) defeated by Washington (Human Fly 6-7) 7-10 PHI: CLE/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/CAR/OAK/PHI/TEN/GB/SEA/DEN/CHI/17 WAS: CLE/ATL/BAL/BUF/IND/MIN/NE/DAL/CAR/CIN/PHI/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/16 DIFF: KC/BAL, NYJ/BUF, NO/DAL, OAK/CIN, DEN/SD Tennessee (Cuban Linx 7-6) defeated by Houston (Bored 6-7) 7-12 TEN: CLE/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/DAL/CAR/CIN/WAS/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/21 HOU: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/JAX/MIN/NE/DAL/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/16 DIFF: CLE/PIT, KC/BAL, IND/JAX, CAR/NYG, WAS/PHI Green Bay (Vitamin X 7-6) defeated by San Francisco (Lightning Flik 5-8) 5-10 GB: XXX/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/DET/NE/DAL/CAR/CIN/PHI/HOU/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/EP SF: CLE/ATL/BAL/NYJ/JAX/MIN/NE/DAL/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/24 DIFF: KC/BAL, IND/JAX, DET/MIN, CAR/NYG, HOU/TEN, EP/24 Seattle (C Dubya 5-8) defeated by Arizona (Vern Gagne 7-6)9-12 SEA: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/IND/DET/NE/DAL/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/26 AZ: PIT/ATL/BAL/NYJ/JAX/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/WAS/TEN/GB/AZ/DEN/CHI/24 DIFF: IND/JAX, DET/MIN, DAL/NO, PHI/WAS, SF/GB, SEA/AZ, SD/DEN Denver (Canadian Chris 6-7) defeated by San Diego (Porter 6-7) 10-11 DEN: PIT/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/MIN/NE/NO/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/17 SD: PIT/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/DET/MIA/NO/NYG/CIN/PHI/TEN/GB/SEA/SD/CHI/28 DIFF: MIN/DET, NE/MIA, SF/GB Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 4-9) defeated by St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 5-8) 8-10 CHI: PIT/ATL/KC/NYJ/IND/DET/NE/NO/NYG/OAK/PHI/TEN/SF/SEA/SD/CHI/28 STL: PIT/ATL/BAL/BUF/IND/MIN/NE/DAL/NYG/CIN/WAS/TEN/GB/SEA/DEN/CHI/16 DIFF: KC/BAL, NYJ/BUF, DET/MIN, NO/DAL, OAK/CIN, PHI/WAS, SF/GB, SD/DEN, 28/16

You are 1-3 when it comes to TB-decided games. EDIT: Complete standings up through the NFC East are updated.

Uh oh.

Your record in games decided by one point or TB score is 2-5. You're also tied with C Dubya in your division in PA totals. Fazzle's record is 2-6 in similar contests. Porter, I just updated the W/L records; PFs, PAs and everything after that will be updated after the Monday Night game.

For me the funny pages are in the "Opinion" section of a newspaper. Or maybe the section talking about local arrests.

Well the better half gave me one of my Christmas presents last night, and it sure was a surprise. We went to Heinz Hall last night for that evening's performance. For those that don’t know, Heinz Hall is a hoity toity place where NPR listeners and PBS viewers go to partake in all that artsy fartsy crap. So what was on the itinerary for that evening? The symphony? A choir performance? Ballet? Uh-uh. Carlos f'n Mencia. Even if you aren’t a fan of Mencia, to sit in a place like Heinz Hall and look around at a crowd that would normally be cleaning the establishment after hours than actually being paying customers was worth the price of admission alone, especially seeing all the senior citizen ushers who had to endure the three hours of foul language, raunchy humor and racial epithets being tossed about like candy. While some may not like Mencia’s humor or Comedy Central “Mind of Mencia” program, I enjoy much of his work, mainly because I’ve thought/voiced similar opinions many times in the past. I remember back in the mid-1990s I was watching a HBO stand-up act with some Mexican comedian, and to this day it was one of my favorite comedy specials of all-time. I never knew the guy’s name, and when I first saw “Mind of Mencia” a while back I began to wonder if this was the guy I saw a decade ago. Sure enough, a couple of months ago I saw this HBO special on Comedy Central and it was indeed Mencia. I’m not one to go to concerts or events like these because, frankly, I’m a cheap bastard. What’s the point of paying money to see a band play one time when I can buy a CD and listen to the same song numerous times? Now granted there are people who like the concert experience, and if that’s your thing, then good for you. Me, I would rather listen to a song in the comfort of my home while typing on the computer. (I’ve got ACDC’s “If You Want Blood” concert CD playing as I’m currently typing.) After dinner we were waiting for Heinz Hall’s auditorium doors to open, and let me tell you it was an … interesting … crowd we were standing alongside. It was weird being one of the older people at this place; most ticket holders looked to be college students, although there were a few old-timers scattered throughout. My favorite person was some guy with a hoodie whose back featured a picture of W. and read “Not my President.” Wonderful. Another type of patron that caught my eye were families attending this event with pre-teens. The hell? Oh well, it’s not my problem. However, I have to wonder if these parents knew what they were getting themselves into. Three hours worth of racial and sex humor is deemed quality family time? I can’t believe every family unit was aware of what was going to be presented on stage. In fact, there were a few people in my section who got up and left during the show – I guess the 59th time the word “nigger” or 97th time “fuck” was uttered was too much for them. Prudes. Although I still know there are several Christmas gifts coming my way (the most recent South Park DVD, for example), this concert was a surprise. Hell, I didn’t even know this comedy tour was coming to Shittsburgh; it’s not like this area has been overrun by Mexicans … yet.

Only game undecided is NO at DAL. Only thing updated in the standings is won/loss records. Some notes from each division can be found below, too. AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 7-6 < PF: 99, PA: 93, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-1 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 6-6-1 < PF: 89, PA: 83, AFC: 2-6-1, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 1-5 > New York Jets (Gert T) 6-7 < PF: 87, PA: 89, AFC: 5-5, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-3 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 4-9 < PF: 89, PA: 99, AFC: 3-6, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-1 > The Wild Card could be decided by the East; Buffalo and New England have yet to play the 7-6 Titans. Three of Gert's last four games are against the NFC East. With the Bills and the Jets still on his schedule, Spiff has a chance to play spoiler. AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 10-3 < PF: 90, PA: 85, AFC: 8-2, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 4-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 7-5-1 < PF: 87, PA: 84, AFC: 5-4-1, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-2-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 5-7-1 < PF: 81, PA: 97, AFC: 4-4-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-2 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 5-7-1 < PF: 89, PA: 93, AFC: 3-5-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 0-3-1 > With this week's win against the Steelers, the North is Jack's to lose. Kahran is still in the Wild Card hunt. Both Teke and PK can play spoiler; all of their games are against teams in playoff contention. AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-3 < PF: 94, PA: 81, AFC: 7-2, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 7-6 < PF: 97, PA: 89, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-3 > Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 7-6 < PF: 93, PA: 94, AFC: 3-6, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 2-3 > Houston Texans (Bored) 6-7 < PF: 94, PA: 92, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-3 > APO is in good shape. Doyle and Linx split their season series. Bored plays contending teams for the rest of the season. AFC WEST Oakland Raiders (Smues) 7-6 < PF: 95, PA: 89, AFC: 6-4, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 4-1 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 7-6 < PF: 88, PA: 90, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-2 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 6-7 < PF: 89, PA: 100, AFC: 5-6, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-3 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 6-7 < PF: 89, PA: 94, AFC: 5-6, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-4 > This division is still too close to call, although Smues has the best divisional record. NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 6-6-1 < PF: 93, PA: 98, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 5-3-1, DIV: 3-1 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 6-7 < PF: 84, PA: 87, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 2-3 > New York Giants (Cartman) 5-8 < PF: 94, PA: 94, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 4-5, DIV: 2-2 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-8 < PF: 89, PA: 92, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-6, DIV: 3-2 > Cartman and Hawk are pretty much out of it, although both play Harley one more time this year. Washington and Philly split the regular season series, but Quinn's 3-1 divisional record is better than Fly's 2-3 showing. NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 9-4 < PF: 99, PA: 90, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 7-2, DIV: 2-2 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 8-5 < PF: 93, PA: 89, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 7-3, DIV: 3-2 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 7-6 < PF: 81, PA: 89, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 3-0 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 4-9 < PF: 84, PA: 95, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 1-8, DIV: 0-4 > Games yet to be played: Detroit @ Green Bay, Minnesota @ Green Bay, Chicago against Detroit and Green Bay NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 10-3 < PF: 108, PA: 92, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 7-2, DIV: 5-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 8-5 < PF: 98, PA: 89, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 7-3, DIV: 3-3 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 5-7-1 < PF: 91, PA: 86, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-5-1, DIV: 1-4 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 4-9 < PF: 92, PA: 95, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-7, DIV: 1-3 > 909 is in solid control. Starvenger is in the middle of the Wild Card hunt. Cena needs help; fazzle could squash Cena's postseason dreams, along with Kahran's. NFC WEST Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 7-6 < PF: 98, PA: 87, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 6-5, DIV: 4-1 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 5-8 < PF: 80, PA: 81, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 5-4, DIV: 3-1 > Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya) 5-8 < PF: 93, PA: 100, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-6, DIV: 3-2 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 5-8 < PF: 98, PA: 96, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 2-8, DIV: 0-6 > Vern's got a two-game lead, but Flik can split the season series with a win in Week 16. Seattle split their series with Arizona. St. Louis has a winless record against divisional opponents.

You have a full-time job now, hippie, go buy your own ticket. I'm a bit confused (no surprise there): So as a "ref" are you actually supposed to check for "outside" equipment as the wrestlers enter the ring?

Because my overall cumulative record was near .500 before this week’s of games took place, I knew I was in for some trouble. Before even looking at this particular slate of games, I had a bad feeling about this. Baltimore at Cincinnati (3.5). Incorrect. I felt the Bengals would be the more desperate of the two teams, but I still went with the Ravens. For what reason I don’t know. Should have went with my first thought. Arizona at St. Louis (6.5). Correct. Not only did the Cardinals win, but they won by two touchdowns. Shouldn’t I get a bonus point or something? Atlanta at Washington (1.5). Incorrect. Could the Falcons be righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason? Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is they screwed me this week. (4.5) Dallas at N.Y. Giants. Incorrect. Well the Cowboys won but they didn’t cover the spread. Sure it was a divisional game, but it doesn’t do me any good. Detroit at New England (13.5). Incorrect. I called picking New England a “steal” this week. Not only did they fail to cover, but also they almost outright lost. To Detroit. Ugh. (7.5) Indianapolis at Tennessee. Incorrect. Not only did the Colts fail to cover, but also they outright lost. To Tennessee. Ugh. Well, the Titans are playing better as the season has gone on. But still. Jacksonville at Miami (2.5). Incorrect. Looks like the Jaguars are righting their wayward ship in time for the postseason. (5.5) Kansas City at Cleveland. Incorrect. Oh for Christ’s sake, this is getting ridiculous. Don’t any of these playoff bubble teams that I pick want to continue their season past Week 17? Minnesota at Chicago (9.5). Incorrect. Having watched this game, the Vikings did not deserve to get this win. And by “win” I mean not lose by double digits. (1.5) N.Y. Jets at Green Bay. Correct. Yay. I got one right. (5.5) San Diego at Buffalo. Incorrect. Sure it wasn’t an impressive win, but it’s victories like this that can determine whether a team is playing at home in the conference championship game rather than going on the road. San Francisco at New Orleans (7.5). Correct. And here I was actually worried about the point spread to this game. Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (7.5). Correct. I thought the Steelers would probably win, but I was hoping for the Buccaneers to keep it close. I was wrong. I sense a trend. Houston at Oakland (3.5). Correct. Oakland? Favored? I need as many gimmies as possible this week. Seattle at Denver (3.5). Correct. Didn’t watch this game. Have no idea what took place. Seahawks won. That’s all I care about. (3.5) Carolina at Philadelphia. Incorrect. Not only did the Eagles win, but also they have a shot at making the playoffs. I’m not saying this will happen, but I’d love to see what the Philadelphia region would do should Jeff Garcia take the Eagles on a magical playoff run that resulted in a Super Bowl win. All with Donovan McNabb watching from the sideline. This week’s record: 6-10 Cumulative record: 93-99 Drat. And I was so close to mediocrity.

Deadline has come and gone. V-X is using EPs.

• If you have read KK’s Korner for any period of time, chances are you’ve learned of my fondness for my current batch of fellow co-workers, or lack thereof. After hearing my constant griping regarding many of these zany characters I deal with in the workplace, you may be surprised to learn that I actually prefer having a cohesive work environment. Seriously, who doesn’t want to enjoy the time where they spend one-third of their workweek? The problem with an office environment is that many times you have no say in who your co-workers are: if you get along with them, that’s great; if you don’t, well, too bad. I thank my lucky stars my office is two floors away from ninety-nine percent of my peers and that my job doesn’t interfere with what they do so my interaction with them is limited. Why do I say all this? Well, just yesterday I learned what one of my co-workers did at last years’ Christmas “grab bag” event. For those that don’t know a grab bag’s purpose, it is for people who want to be involved with some faux form of workplace unity. If someone wants to be involved in a grab bag extravaganza, all they do is put their name in a hat and someone who organizes the activity selects which co-worker will buy $20 worth of gifts for another co-worker. For everyone participating, they have to write their name on a piece a paper and include a list of three to four items that they would like. (I must mention here that ever since I began working at this place I have never taken part in one of these grab bags. This is because I think the whole idea is stupid and also because there’s no way in hell I’m spending money on someone I loathe, and there are quite a few people at my job that fill this bill.) Well anyway, I found out that one of my co-workers, I’ll call her Sue, was supposed to get something for … let’s call this other person Beth. Now keep in mind Sue is a compulsive gambler, or so I’ve been told, and she ended up buying $20 worth of scratch-and-win instant lottery tickets. I’m assuming Beth wanted lottery tickets for this grab bag thing, but I digress. If Beth did indeed want lottery tickets, then I guess $20 in instant win games seems like a good gift, right? Well, in happy world it would be, but this is kkk’s world. In kkk’s world, Sue scratched off all the tickets before giving them to Beth. The reason? Sue wanted to make sure she gave at least one winning ticket to Beth. Uh-huh. Right. So in effect, Sue’s gift to Beth was 17 or 18 scratch-off tickets that were already played and had no value and two or three tickets that had a $1 or $2 payout. And people say I’m a Jew bastard. I’m surprised Sue didn’t throw in a few losing Powerball tickets from the previous week’s drawing. I do find it odd that Sue is a person who, when we have an office pool for a $100+ million Powerball drawing, she never joins the rest of us sheep and instead plays on her own. I would assume if she was a degenerative gambler that she would want to be in an office pool where the odds of winning a jackpot would be only one-in-two-hundred-million, rather than playing the lottery by herself where the odds increase to one-in-infinity-plus-one. Then again, what the hell do I know? The only reason I participate in an office lottery pool is that I know if I don’t then my co-workers would win the mega-ultra jackpot, and there’s no way in hell I’m about to let that happen. Not on my watch.

$0 -- I use credit cards.

Where did this take place? There were a few times during the winter when I was down there where the interstates were a nightmare, especially the time I had to skid down that mini hill next to Trader World when you're trying to get on I-75 North.

Uh, deadline has come and gone for the Thursday game. And it's only in the 2nd quarter. I've actually thought of doing something like that, but then it would eliminate the TB, and I'd rather have that be a determining factor rather than the over/under. I've thought about using over/under or some other "bonus" gimmick, but each time it seemed it would only generate confusion or take away too much from making the actual picks.

And down the final stretch I come: Cleveland at Pittsburgh (7.5) The Browns are riding high after an upset win against the Chiefs last week. Now they come to Shittsburgh to take on a divisional foe who they should have beaten a few weeks ago. Will they emerge victorious this week? I don't know, but I'll take them with that point spread the way it is. (3.5) Atlanta at Tampa Bay I'm helping out the Falcons in their attempt to reach the postseason. I know if I would have picked them, the Bucs would have defeated them, thus prompting me to say the following week, "Atlanta's late-season collapse is still alive and well, and I fell into the trap of thinking they'd win two in a row." This is why I'm picking Tampa Bay, so that way I don't have to say the above sentence in next week's entry. Baltimore at Kansas City (2.5) Kansas City is a tough place to play at, but the Ravens defense is a tough unit to run against. I guess I could look up the stats and see if this is actually true, but that would requre effort. Buffalo at N.Y. Jets (4.5) I never thought this game could have playoff implications this late in the season, but it does. Good for everyone involved. I'm taking the Bills due to the spread. (1.5) Indianapolis at Jacksonville The Jags have been off-and-on this year while the Colts have been a bit more consistent. With me taking Indy, perhaps this is the game in which Jacksonville gets over the hump. Minnesota at Detroit (2.5) The Vikings have been struggling as of late, although I wouldn't consider their woes to be that dire where the Lions are the favored team in this matchup. (3.5) New England at Miami Hmm, the Pats were nearly upset last week at home against Detroit. The Dolphins were defeated by the Jags at home. I'll go with New England to rebound against a divisional opponent. New Orleans at Dallas (6.5) I'm sure Dallas will win, but that spread. Well, the Cowboys have that defense. Plus they're at home. OK then. N.Y. Giants at Carolina (3.5) Each team has been inconsistent as of late, so it's a case of pick your poison. I'll take Carolina. Oakland at Cincinnati (10.5) I don't like that point spread, but Cincinnati is a lot different than Oakland weather-wise this time of the year. (1.5) Philadelphia at Washington I'll take my chances with Jeff Garcia, who I forgot was with the Eagles this year. I feel bad for the guy. Back in his San Francisco days, Terrell Owens made some homophobic remarks toward him and the national sports media didn't show a fraction of the outrage it had over T.O. and his feud with Donovan McNabb. Tennessee at Houston (1.5) Riding high off an upset win against the Colts, I'm sure the Titans will crash and burn here, but I'm a sucker for teams that score big wins the week before. Green Bay at San Francisco (5.5) I think the 49ers have a great shot at winning ... oh who am I kidding, I have no clue. I'm taking the Packers because of that point spread. (3.5) Seattle at Arizona I remember when Joe Bugel used to coach the Cardinals, Arizona would start out bad but come on strong late in the season and the "should Joe get fired?" talk would commence. This usually resulted in, "let's give him one more year because his players like him and they're playing hard to keep his job." Well Dennis Green ain't Joe Bugel. Not sure if that's an insult or compliment. Denver at San Diego (7.5) San Diego will probably win, but with that point spread I'll take divisional foe Denver. (6.5) Chicago at St. Louis I'll go with the Rams at home to make this competitive. I'm still getting flashbacks to the Bears/Cardinals Monday Night game earlier this year.

Or if Denver accidently brings their home jerseys to the game. Again.

• Imagine you're a happily married woman who wanted to watch the sun set while sitting on your back porch. Now imagine opening your back door to this. OK, now I don't know what would creep me out more: The fact your husband has chosen to have sex with the family dog, or the fact he chose to do this OUTSIDE ON YOUR BACK PORCH (allegedly, of course). Photos were taken by your wife of you having sex with the family dog. How, if you're the guy in this situation, can you possibly have a defense for this? You were drunk? The bitch was asking for it? I'm actually interested to see what the defense has to say with this one. • Wow. Another story about how the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer, and this time it's on a global scale. Still don’t care. Although I liked this part. Assuming property and other things of worth are covered under "assets," my household is well in the top 10 percentile of the world’s richest adults. That means I’m oppressing the other 90 percent of this world. Awesome. Now if I can only get a Mexican to mow my lawn. • Eh, I still prefer Affirmative Action bake sales. • Boy did Neal Boortz had a field day with this story on his show today. That's all I can say about this one.

If the bridesmaids are hot, and not related, at least you'll have something to look at during the ceremony.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 46: Marvin is a Lunatic Marvin is famous around these here parts for two things. 1) His love of high definition television. 2) Troubles with his love life. Rather than go into more detail about both, I’ll just point you over to a thread that has become synonymous with Marvin. If you haven’t made your way to this thread yet, do so. As for me, I’ve always had a soft spot for him. And while I’m on the subject of virgins looking to get laid, heed these words my poontang seekers: Don’t expect much going in because when a male virgin finally achieves penetration because it’ll only last 5-10 seconds. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience. Then again, I wasn’t wearing a rubber at the time. I might have lasted 20 seconds had my scimitar been properly sheathed. I wouldn’t have lasted twice as long because the latex would have dulled the sensation, but rather I wouldn’t have wanted to waste money on using a prophylactic for that short of time. And now a word or five from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed. From Black Lushus: From EricMM: From Carnival: From SFAJack: From Kingofthe909: • Who needs “Survivor” or “Hogan Knows Best,” when you have the kind of reality programming that I married into? For those of you that are somewhat familiar with my in-law family tree, bear with me for three sentences while I bring others up-to-date. My 40-something-year-old sister-in-law is a crack whore. Well, meth/heroin addict would be a more accurate description, but I feel “crack whore” can be used as a universal term for “loser drug addict.” The crack whore’s oldest daughter lives with my mother-in-law and has “supposedly” been going to college for the last year-and-a-half. Well, this 19-year-old is now headed off to a drug rehab center for three months. Why is she doing this? Well because a few weeks ago the mother in-law busted the niece-in-law in a web of lies that’s not worth going into. The mother-in-law then said she was taking her name off the title to my nice-in-law’s car, thus making the niece-in-law fully responsible for her car’s insurance payments; payments that are also going to be at a much higher rate than before. After the niece-in-law stormed out to live with the crack whore for a week or two, she announced to the mother-in-law that she was addicted to “pain killers” (heroin is the more likely drug of choice), and has tried to “detox herself” several times over the past three years. *CoughbullshitCough*. I’m still expressing doubt she’s actually going to go to rehab, and if she does I doubt she’ll complete the full three months. Why do I seem express such joy in other people’s pain? Because it makes for great reality television – and you don’t even need the TV set! And since she will not supposedly be home for the holidays that also means one extra gift that doesn’t have to be purchased. Wait a second: that’s TWO gifts because I’m sure her on-again-off-again boyfriend won’t be paying a visit either. The sad thing is that I wish I could trade him for her in regards to being related to a person; he’s actually normal, except for his taste in women. Then again, the niece-in-law was his first sex partner, so I understand why he accepts the constant break-ups and other bullshit that applies to “young love.” Why do I “hate” the niece-in-law? I really don’t hate her, but I do ignore her for the most part (perhaps another story for another time). I think the best part of this story will be when she’s 30-years old and working in some go-nowhere shithole, realizing everyday as she gets up for her dead-end job that she had a near-free-ride toward a college degree and pissed it all away. She had enough grants/inheritance/etc. given to her to pay for at least half of her four-year undergraduate education, and that didn’t include the various work-study programs she had been accepted for, too. Of course, she actually needed to attend these university jobs in order to get paid, but now I’m nitpicking. Will she complete rehab? Will she go back to college? Will she graduate? Will she get knocked up? Will she get back with one of her fuck-buddies who recent went to jail for robbery and act as the get-away driver in his next caper? I have to tune in and find out. Well, maybe not “tune in;” just listen to what Mrs. kkk tells me after wrapping up the latest chat with her mother. Even though you never really know what to expect from the script that life provides you, I have a feeling this story will end up with the niece-in-law being a crack whore. Just like her mother. This of course means I’ve been watching a repeat all along. Well, maybe not a “repeat.” I think “spin-off” would be a more appropriate label.

I should note that these changes would occur next season. This ain't Election 2000 where rules try to get changed in the middle of the action. I also haven't disenfranchised AlwaysPissedOff's vote ... yet.

Fuck Bryant Gumbel. That fact he's on makes me glad I don't have the NFL Network.

Ripper, is either one of those cats the one you rescued under your car's wheel, or whatever it was you talked about in that one thread you started a while back where you held up traffic for a little pussy?

• It must be budget time at NASA, because now they’re talking about colonizing the moon or something. Don’t care. I’m sure space travel was a big deal 50 years ago, and I am also aware that many products we enjoy today came indirectly from space and military research, but this is 2006. Nobody cares about this anymore, and even if some did they are finding ways to get into space without government spending. (Remember that contest a year or so ago that offered a cash prize for the first private flight into space, or goofy “sphere” that’s above us?) But NASA will get everything it wants and more because, hey, it’s the government. What else have they got to do with money besides spend it? • Gwyneth Paltrow recently took some flack for saying that she likes Brits better than Yanks at her dinner table. Here's what she said: Now I could jump on the “If you hate America so much then giiiit out” bandwagon, but it seems that she’s already done that by living in England with trips to the United States to squirt out an Apple, Plum, Orange or Grape Nut. To the surprise of some, I’m going to come to her defense somewhat on this one. She thinks the dinner conversation from across the Pond is more thoughtful than here in the States. Who’s to say she’s wrong? As much as I love my brothers from anotha motha in anotha country, you guys are a bit too socialist for my liking, so it wouldn’t surprise me that less people over there discuss work-related matters while eating their meals. Besides, I’m sure meal-time conversation is important to Paltrow. What else is she going to do at the dinner table, eat? I normally don’t spend much time talking during this time, but that’s because I have food in my mouth. • In lovecraft’s blog he recently talked about Rachael Ray, and I expressed my hatred toward this bitch in the kitch … en. (Wow was that bad.) Why do I hate her? I don’t really know. I just get the same vibe from her as I did from those uber-preppy girls in high school who would whine and bitch about getting only a 102 percent on a test while I was lucky to fill in my name in the correct blank. You know who I’m talking about, the same kind of girls who would pout because their daddy bought them the black Corvette when they wanted the red. Last December the better half had one of Ray's “Survive on $20 in this expensive part of town” shows on the Food Network. As I sat there watching this garbage, that half-hoarse/half-annoying voice of hers began grating against my soul, or what little of it I have left. Not only was I being annoyed by her, I began to seethe with hate about having to watch this. Did I go upstairs and surf the Internet? No. Did I leave and watch something from the spare bedroom television? Of course not. Did I read a book? N*gga plz. All I could do is sit there and watch as my rage boiled over into a deep hatred. I don’t care if Joe’s Café on 5th Avenue offers $2 coffees from 2-5 p.m. I don’t care if there’s some back-alley Asian eatery that serves up fresh dog every morning. My hatred for Rachael Ray knows no bounds. It only got worse from there. Last week as I was doing the weekly trip to the grocery store I noticed that Ms. Ray has defiled my store’s Triscuit boxes, among other Nabisco products. Why Nabisco, why? Now every time I reach for a box of this wheaty goodness I get to see her on the box with that look of “Hey, I’m a millionaire just for telling people how to cook a bunch of crappy stuff.” I’m sure if I ever see nl-asshole in real life I’d probably get the same feeling as I now do every time I walk down the cracker aisle of my neighborhood supermarket.