kkktookmybabyaway

I seem to remember last year when Katrina was still fresh in everybody’s minds hearing how we were headed to a new generation of hurricanes, thanks to global warming and George W. Bush. Why, they were going to be bigger and badder; super-sized even! Well, now it’s one year later, and where are these uber-hurricanes? Where’s Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in that god-awful annoying-as-fuck voice of his trying to make me feel guilty for driving to work rather than taking a dozen transfers in order to show up at my job after a five-hour commute courtesy of public transportation? Buck up enviro-weenies. There’s always next year. While I’m on this subject I feel like taking a trip down memory lane. I’ve noticed during the last few years an AccuWeather meteorologist by the name of Joe Bastardi has made a few appearances on Sean Hannity’s radio show, among other places. Having worked at AccuWeather years ago, I’ve been around this guy. Now you may be expecting me to bring up some stories of how he sliced Asian children in half and drank their blood. Not quite. I will say that this guy is a horrible-ass writer. (I know. Pot. Kettle. Black. Fuck you.) Every morning I had to proofread this daily column of his that was posted on AccuWeather’s Web site. Holy fuck. If you people thought I rambled on and on and on and on, don’t EVER read his stuff. It was so bad that when I started working there I was told to just glance through it and just move it along because it wasn’t worth revising. Besides, there were a few hundred other clients that needed worked on, and those were of more importance than “WebJB,” which was the filename of Bastardi’s daily column. Ha. I just went on Wikpedia and found this. No, I didn’t write it. Actually, what I really want to bitch about regarding Bastardi was during my final weeks at AccuWeather. My boss knew I was leaving. No, I wasn’t burning any bridges. The better half had just been accepted to the University of Dayton and I let my boss know at least 4-5 months ahead of time that I was going to be leaving. During this time the other copyeditor on my shift got promoted, and the company had just hired this chick to take over her full-time slot. (I was a part-timer and my replacement didn’t get hired until 2-3 months later.) Now we were always busy, and I frequently stayed past my scheduled shift (getting paid, of course) to help her out. One of my selfless acts of charity was to edit WebJB. Every day. Ugh. Not many women worked at AccuWeather during my time there, and couple that with the fact she wasn’t 300 lbs with five kids, this chick, who just graduated nearby Penn State University, was much more popular with the male meteorologists than I could have ever been. She of course knew this, and we actually had an inside joke going about my status as “phantom” copyeditor. Well, one day Bastardi came over to our station and began showering this chick with praise about what a great job she was doing and how his columns looked great. Never mind the fact I was reading those bastards every fucking day. When I went to ask Joe about a letter to the editor he wrote the other day in the local newspaper, he told me to shut up! You bitch. Needless to say, his WebJB columns weren’t as readable for the rest of my time there. But I can’t be all that hard on Bastardi. After all, there were many days when he wore sweatpants to work. Respect due.

Spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned. Yesterday I was fiddling around with Comcast’s On Demand service and decided to check out this new horror section. While browsing through the selection of so-called horror movies, I figured what the hell and watched "Night of the Living Dead." Of course, this wasn’t the original black-and-white version. Instead, it was the crappy re-make that was done back in the late 1980s; why they decided to do this I have no idea. Hell, nobody really dies from zombies either. Now granted there were that many zombie-related deaths in the first one, but you'd figure with the remake they'd show a few humans getting eaten. Well, OK, that kid’s mom gets killed by her daughter, but that zombie-kill doesn’t count. And the ending was just plain dumb. First off, I liked the black guy in the original, and you felt bad when he got off’d. With Living Dead v. 2.0, he turns into a zombie and the chick who got killed in the original version is now the heroine. At least some things didn’t change. The film still took place in redneck-ville, and the sad thing is the producers did a pretty decent job of capturing the residents of the flyover portions of Pennsylvania. I’m not a big zombie fan, and when it comes to the “of the Dead” set of movies, I have to say the original “Night of the Living Dead” was my favorite. “Day of the Dead” comes in second with “Dawn of the Dead” a distant third. I haven’t seen “Land of the Dead” yet, so as of right now I’m pretending it never happened. I started a thread a while back about why I don’t like “Dawn,” and my feelings on the matter haven’t changed much, if at all. In fact, I must reiterate the following: A side note regarding “Day of the Dead,” back in the 1980s I had this friend who would always say, “Fucking ‘a, biggest piece of meat in the cave.” Once I saw “Day,” I finally got what he was talking about. Oh, and the one guy, I think he was the commander, reminded me of Eric Bischoff. While watching last night’s movie, it got me the thinking. If zombies were to roam the streets, how would I react? Well, I probably wouldn’t bother boarding up the house. They’re going to get in anyway, so I should spend my energy elsewhere. Now, if I heard on the news about the zombie-fest from home and had a few hours to think about what to do, I might consider driving to my brother-in-law’s house. Not only is it a bigger house than mine, but he has guns and I’m sure he has an attic or something that can offer better protection. If this plan was deep-sixed, I’d try to get up in my pseudo-attic. The problem is I’d have to unscrew some ventilation fan in order to get up there. I’d also have to pray the zombies don’t pile upon each other because the ceiling is only a few feet above my head. I think a better course of action would be to go into the either my basement’s fruit cellar or garage. The garage would be the less preferred of the two because while there is only one door to get in or out, I’m sure if enough zombies banged on the garage door they might eventually break in. And considering the car in the garage would be blocked the other care in driveway, I really wouldn’t be able to drive away. The fruit cellar would be a better barricading facility. There’s only one door, and I could put a pantry in front of it, too. The only problem is that there are no bathroom facilities, but oh well. The only problem with this shelter, like many other options, is that I would have no idea what’s going on in the outside world. Then again, if zombies were roaming about, I don’t think I’d want to know what’s going on. Any, yes, the cats would be in the fruit cellar with me and the better half.

Now there's a Day of the Dead remake? What's so hard about coming up with an original zombie movie?

Deadline has come and gone. For the third time this season, C Dubya is using EPs.

• You know what’s offensive about the whole Kramer-saying-the-n-word-at-a-nightclub story? Not Kramer saying naughty words. The “offended’ audience members wanting money for the whole thing. And is it any shock that bottom-feeder Gloria Allred is representing the plaintiffs? Wait a second, Kramer apologized to Jesse Jackson and Poo-face? Were they in the audience, too? N*ggas plz. • I’m in a bit of a pickle. You see, I’ve been called many things in my life – asshole, sexist, Jew, fag, bad tipper. And those are some of the nicer labels thrown at me. Another title I've earned over the years is “hard to shop for.” If you buy me an article of clothing, I won’t wear it. And other than watching movies, playing video games and listening to music, I really don’t spend disposable income on anything else, and if you try to buy me one of these three things I either already own what you purchased, or I’ll never get around to play/watch/listen to whatever you got. It’s not because I’m some sort of snob, but rather because I’m generally content with my possessions. Yeah, it’s always nice to get more stuff, but I’m not going to go bonkers just because I don’t get latest John Madden football game during its launch date. Actually, I only did this once with the 2003 edition, and I haven’t even purchased the last two Madden games to come out. Anyway, the better half always bitches because she can never figure out what to get me for Christmas or my birthday. Gee, sorry to disappoint you, yet again; at least this time it's out of the bedroom. I’ll try to be more superficial and materialistic next year. Well this year she’s CONVINCED that she got me a gift I’ll never expect. The problem is I already know what it is. It’s the most recent South Park DVD to come out. How do I know this? Elementary. Basically, I saw her looking at it in a Thanksgiving Day circular, and when she said how much money she was getting off the regular price, I did 1+1 and came up with South Park Season 8. So should I be an asshole and tell her that I already know, or should I just keep my mouth shut. Actually, if she really wanted to surprise me she would get those James Bond DVDs that were just released, or Adobe Creative Suite 2 that is for sale at her workplace for just a fraction of its retail price. And she seems so proud of being able to “stump” me this year.

Well Thanksgiving was harmless enough. No crack whore. No out-of-control teen niece-in-law. Just food. And lots of it. I’m generally a no-frills eater, and Turkey Day is no exception to this rule. Just give me turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and corn and I’m happy. I love yams, but they get in the way, as do green beans. As for the other shit that’s put out on our buffet spread, bah, I don’t care. Since the better half can’t eat poultry because it gets her sick, she always makes these veggie dishes that make me want to gag. This year her concoction involved several different kinds of peppers, onions and stringy green beans. She also made these hippie stuffed mushroom things, which weren’t much better. And guess who had to hold both containers in his lap during the drive to the in-laws? Yep. After stuffing myself silly on this one day of the year where it’s OK to be a pig (I had three full plates worth of the goodness mentioned above; I was so sick afterward I couldn’t get up from the recliner), there is another tradition I have taken part in the last few years. That tradition is going out on Black Friday to be one of those idiots trying to get good deals at 6 a.m. Unfortunately, I did no such thing this year. There were some things I would have gobbled up like the food I had consumed the day before, but I made a promise to myself that the better half’s credit card debt comes first. Oh the sacrifices I make. The funny thing about Black Friday is that with all the stupid stories I have about life at the Quickie Mart, the food-service industry and the theater, along the other day-to-day experiences I have encountered during my brief time on this planet, I really don’t have any Black Friday experiences worth telling. I think part of the reason is that because I’m a strapping young lad most people don’t try to trample over me in order to get to that $20 DVD player. I mean, I’ve heard people bitching while at Best Buy or Kohls trying to get a $5 toaster or $3 video game, but it was nothing worth repeating. Basically, whenever I’m in one of these situations I just stay in line and zone out because I know I’ll be standing around for quite a long time. In lieu of any worthwhile Black Friday stories, let me try and remember what I got last year at this time. Best Buy: Hell, I don’t remember. Probably some DVDs. Target: Some DVD’s, I think. I know that’s when I got Napoleon Dynamite and that Family Guy Stewie Special. Now for those that always label me a negative ninny, let me say that I’m not actually all that upset for dredging through the Black Friday mess for these two DVDs: one that was disappointing and the other that was a full-fledged piece of shit. In fact, I’m glad I bought Napoleon Dynamite at the price I did because otherwise I would have had to kill someone for paying a higher price for that garbage. Kohls: Some “Scene It?” games, a food vacuum sucker thing, a mini fryer that’s been used all of one time, and some other shit I can’t remember. Office Max: A shredder, these nice computer speakers and some work-related office supplies stuff. Call me an employee with a bad attitude if you want, but one thing I know how to do is keep my department’s costs down. Mall: I don’t think I got anything. GameStop: A few video games, Star Wars Battlefront being the one that jumps out. Oh, and NHL ’06 and Grand Turismo 3. Wal-Mart: I think last year was when I got a vacuum “lite” for the basement. Not quite a “real” vacuum, but not a hand-held either. Still works rather well. All in all, I remember saving several hundred dollars, so yes, missing out on this year’s Black Friday did take some willpower for me to accomplish. Good thing that “turkey dope” didn’t make me all that motivated to get up and go shopping the next day. Well, that and staying up until 4 a.m. playing video games. Oh, and did I mention that aside from the things I bought for Mrs. kkk, all of this shit was purchased for me? You people with the somewhat normal families and your holiday get-togethers: keep 'em. I want none of that shit.

Not really. The parking lots can be a problem, but I always park away from everyone to begin with. The only place to be careful of is Best Buy by Westmoreland mall. One year there was some gridlock, but otherwise most of the backup comes from inside the stores.

Or a D4.

Shutup macaka

Might as well get these out of the way first. Rest of the games will be coming later today: (2.5) Miami at Detroit Normally Detroit, no matter how shitty they are all season, seem to get up for this one time they are on national television, but I feel like ruining the Dolphins' winning streak by picking them instead. Tampa Bay at Dallas (11.5) Dallas will probably win, although this is could be a letdown week for them. Because of that, I'm going with the upset or a close Cowboys win. Denver at Kansas City (1.5) It's a divisional game, and it's pretty much a straight-up pick 'em. I'll go with the Chiefs for the heck of it. Arizona at Minnesota (6.5) I’m eyeing that point spread with caution, but I think the Vikings will be able to pull this one out. (4.5) Carolina at Washington Time for Carolina to do that second-half-of-season run, and I’m only a few weeks late in jumping on this train. Chicago at New England (3.5) I heard someone today mention this as a possible Super Bowl match-up. Or should I say rematch? That got me the thinking about the last time these two met in the Super Bowl, with Chicago crushing New England. I also remembered the two teams making music videos. Most every football fan from the 1980s remembers the Bears’ Super Bowl Shuffle, but I also recall the Patriots song. I don’t remember much about it, but the chorus went something like, “New England, the Patriots and me,” or something like that. I actually preferred the Pats song over the Bears as a kid, and after re-watching both I remember why I liked it better. I'm a fag. Well, that and also because I think it satisfied my ADD. I also remember the New York Mets had a tune of their own, but the only thing I remember about that is some guy in the video treating several Met players like bobblehead dalls, and they beat him up. Ha. That guy was Joe Piscopo. Oh, yeah. I take the Patriots in this one; I think their defense will be too much for Rex Grossman. (3.5) Cincinnati at Cleveland The battle of Ohio. I think the Bengals will win and start a run for a Wild Card spot. Houston at N.Y. Jets (5.5) After a tough loss to the Bears and with the Texans coming in, I’d normally go with the Jets, but that point spread. Oh what the hell. I’ll take them anyway. (3.5) Jacksonville at Buffalo I’m a little surprised at this spread, which is why I’ll take the Jags on the road. New Orleans at Atlanta (3.5) Even though I think the Saints might be in the start of a predicted late-season fall, I can’t go with the Falcons with how shitty they have played as of late. (3.5) N.Y. Giants at Tennessee Like the Jacksonville game, the point spread surprises me. Then again, Tennessee can play a team tough. Nevertheless, I’ll go with the Giants on the road. Philadelphia at Indianapolis (9.5) First the Eagles lost McNabb. Now they face a Colts team that had its first loss of the season. I’ll take Indy, even with the spread. Pittsburgh at Baltimore (2.5) If Baltimore wins, hopefully this will shut up the idiot Steeler fans who think the black and gold are still in playoff contention. This is a physical rivalry, but the Ravens play the Steelers good at home. Throw in McNair, and I’ll also throw in a few touchdown passes. San Francisco at St. Louis (5.5) San Francisco has been playing well as of late, and St. Louis has been screwing me over. Fuck the Rams. Oakland at San Diego (13.5) I don’t like that spread, and I’ve won with Oakland losing somewhat close games as of late. I think that streak ends with a blowout, especially with what happened the last time these two played earlier in the season. Green Bay at Seattle (10.5) I’m taking Seattle, and I STILL don’t know who is starting at quarterback and running back.

Tell me about it. That Cook guy? Funny?

Well you know that's one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim man.

Deadline for Turkey Day games has come and gone. I'll post matchups later.

Well it’s that time of the year again. Time to give thanks. Time for family. Eh. I’m giving thanks I don’t give a shit about my family. Mom came over Sunday. She just graduated from Jesus school and is going to do God-knows-what. Hey, I made a funny. I don’t hate her or anything – it’s just that we were never really close. She spent the 1980s and 1990s working and going to night school, and I spent that time with baby sitters and latch keys. I think part of this is the reason why family doesn’t mean that much to me. Then again, it could also be because my family is fucking insane, but then again most families are. That’s what makes them families. My old man, well, I haven’t spoken to him in about a year-and-a-half since the wedding. I don’t really know what happened to cause this so-called “rift,” but I have an idea as to what caused it. It was three Thanksgivings ago, and I already my Turkey Day itinerary lined up for a week. First it was an early afternoon stop at the future in-laws. Later on that day, I had a restaurant dinner set up with the old lady. She was in Ohio at the time and stopped by the Shittsburgh region to see me (God knows why) and some other people she knows around here. I was supposed to meet her around 4 p.m. She called me a week or two before Thanksgiving, and I jotted her down in my ever-so-filled social calendar. Then it happened. The night before Thanksgiving, I get a call from the old man and asks if I want to go to his house for turkey day. That’s where it all went downhill. You see, my parents have been divorced for more than 20 years now, and my policy of who gets what holiday with me (you’d figure they’d fight over who doesn’t have to spend holidays with me) was first-come first-serve. This rule was used often when I lived away from Shittsburgh, especially when I took up residence in Ohio for a few years. If one parent called and asked if they could stop over for a holiday, my time is booked. Several times my old man called me before the old lady for a Christmas visit or something similar, and I would tell my mom that “dad already beat you to it.” She’d understand and come over another time. Well, this Thanksgiving was the first time I had to bump dad off the list. You see, he lives more than one hour away, and I wasn’t about to cut my mom’s time short from her Thanksgiving visit. I was going to be at the future in-laws from 1 p.m. to about 3 p.m. Then it was time to see the old lady for a few hours. There was no way I would then drive out for a third Thanksgiving visit. Call me a bad son, and I’ll agree with you. Because of this, the old man now thinks I’m “ignoring” him and I haven’t heard hardly a peep from him in three years. Oh well. I’ve managed to survive thus far without his … uniqueness. Want to know what he’s like? Well, the scary thing is I see a lot of him in me, but there are two major difference. Difference one: I’m not a union Democrat. Difference two: I know I’m full of shit. Other than that, the similarities I see between the two of use downright scares me. But all this was three years ago. Tomorrow it’s just one visit to the in-laws. This will probably be one of the better Thanksgivings I’ve experienced over there, considering the crack-whore sister-in-law probably won’t be in attendance. The first year she decided to “show us” and not arrive was one of the better Thanksgiving encounters I experienced. The highlight was when the crack-whore called in the middle of dinner to ask if someone would drive her to the laundromat. Of course, she had NO idea that we were eating at the time. No, she just called at the same time that her family has had this annual dinner since, well, forever. This year should be even better because the crack-whore’s out-of-control teen daughter will probably be away, too. The reason? She’s fighting with the mother-in-law and was recently caught lying, which is resulting in the mother-in-law taking this chick off of her auto insurance, or some shit like that. Ever since this fight, which took place a week ago, this chick hasn’t been back home (she “lives” with my mother-in-law because, well, her mom’s a crack whore). Anyway, this self-imposed exile will probably mean I don’t have to put up with her presence. Hey, maybe I do have something to be thankful for this year.

AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 5-5 < PF: 73, PA: 72, AFC: 3-3, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-1 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 4-5-1 < PF: 65, PA: 60, AFC: 2-5-1, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-4 > New York Jets (Gert T) 4-6 < PF: 66, PA: 67, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 1-2 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 2-8 < PF: 66, PA: 77, AFC: 2-5, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 2-1 > AFC NORTH Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 7-3 < PF: 67, PA: 62, AFC: 5-3, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-1 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 7-3 < PF: 69, PA: 67, AFC: 5-2, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 4-5-1 < PF: 59, PA: 71, AFC: 3-2-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 4-6 < PF: 65, PA: 71, AFC: 2-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 0-2 > AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 7-3 < PF: 72, PA: 65, AFC: 4-2, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-1 > Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 6-4 < PF: 71, PA: 68, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 3-0, DIV: 2-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 5-5 < PF: 77, PA: 67, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-2 > Houston Texans (Bored) 4-6 < PF: 68, PA: 72, AFC: 3-3, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-3 > AFC WEST Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 7-3 < PF: 71, PA: 66, AFC: 4-2, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-1 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 5-5 < PF: 66, PA: 69, AFC: 4-3, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 5-5 < PF: 69, PA: 73, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-2 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 4-6 < PF: 62, PA: 71, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 1-3 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 5-4-1 < PF: 72, PA: 74, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-2-1, DIV: 3-0 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 4-6 < PF: 69, PA: 70, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 2-2 > New York Giants (Cartman) 3-7 < PF: 66, PA: 68, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 2-5, DIV: 1-2 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 3-7 < PF: 58, PA: 65, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 1-3 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 9-1 < PF: 75, PA: 65, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 7-1, DIV: 2-1 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 6-4 < PF: 64, PA: 66, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 5-2, DIV: 3-0 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 5-5 < PF: 70, PA: 67, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-3, DIV: 1-2 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 4-6 < PF: 64, PA: 70, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 1-6, DIV: 0-3 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 8-2 < PF: 80, PA: 67, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 5-1, DIV: 3-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 6-4 < PF: 74, PA: 69, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 6-2, DIV: 3-2 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 4-5-1 < PF: 69, PA: 67, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 2-3-1, DIV: 1-3 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 4-6 < PF: 70, PA: 68, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 1-3 > NFC WEST Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya) 5-5 < PF: 71, PA: 71, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 4-4, DIV: 3-1 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 5-5 < PF: 71, PA: 63, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 4-4, DIV: 2-1 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 4-6 < PF: 74, PA: 71, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 1-6, DIV: 0-4 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 3-7 < PF: 60, PA: 69, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 2-1 >

From Last Week: Atlanta (King of the 909 8-2) defeated Baltimore (King PK 4-6) 12-8 ATL: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/AZ/SEA/SD/JAX/10 BAL: BUF/ATL/CHI/NO/DAL/MIA/GB/OAK/CLE/CAR/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/23 DIFF: BAL/ATL, CIN/NO, IND/DAL, KC/OAK, PIT/CLE, WAS/TB, AZ/DET, JAX/NYG, 10/23 Buffalo (Bob Barron 5-5) defeated by Houston (Bored 4-6) 7-7 + TB BUF: BUF/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/17 HOU: BUF/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/17 DIFF: CAR/STL, DEN/SD, 17/17 Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 4-6) defeated N.Y. Jets (Gert T 4-6) 8-5 CHI: HOU/ATL/CHI/NO/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/SEA/SD/JAX/35 NYJ: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/TB/DET/SF/DEN/NYG/13 DIFF: ATL/BAL, CHI/NYJ, TEN/PHI, AZ/DET, SEA/SF, SD/DEN, JAX/NYG Cincinnati (Teke 4-5-1) defeated by New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 4-5-1) 6-8 CIN: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/20 NO: HOU/ATL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/DET/SF/SD/JAX/28 DIFF: BAL/ATL, CHI/NYJ, NO/CIN, MIN/MIA, WAS/TB, SEA/SF, DEN/SD, NYG/JAX Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 5-5) defeated Dallas (Hawk34 4-6) 10-7 IND: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/OAK/CLE/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/SF/DEN/JAX/35 DAL: HOU/ATL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/STL/PHI/TB/DET/SF/SD/NYG/28 DIFF: BAL/ATL, NE/GB, CLE/PIT, TEN/PHI, AZ/DET, DEN/SD, JAX/NYG Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 5-5) defeated Miami (Spaceman Spiff 2-8) 10-9 MIN: BUF/BAL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/CAR/TEN/TB/AZ/SEA/SD/NYG/22 MIA: HOU/BAL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/DET/SF/SD/JAX/26 DIFF: BUF/HOU, GB/NE, OAK/KC, TEN/PHI, AZ/DET, SEA/SF, NYG/JAX New England (nl-asshole 4-5-1) defeated Green Bay (Vitamin X 6-4) 10-4 NE: BUF/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/NE/OAK/CLE/CAR/TEN/WAS/AZ/SEA/SD/JAX/27 GB: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/GB/KC/CLE/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/28 DIFF: BUF/HOU, NE/GB, OAK/KC, CAR/STL, WAS/TB, AZ/DET, JAX/NYG Oakland (Smues 5-5) defeated Kansas City (Alfdogg 7-3) 12-9 OAK: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/OAK/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/AZ/SEA/DEN/NYG/23 KC: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/TB/AZ/SF/SD/NYG/34 DIFF: BUF/HOU, CIN/NO, MIA/MIN, OAK/KC, WAS/TB, SEA/SF, DEN/SD Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 7-3) defeated Cleveland (SFA Jack 7-3) 9-7 PIT: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIA/GB/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/AZ/SF/SD/JAX/24 CLE: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/JAX/21 DIFF: CHI/NYJ, KC/OAK, CAR/STL, TB/WAS, AZ/DET, SF/SEA, 24/21 St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 4-6) defeated by Carolina (Fazzle 4-6) 7-8 STL: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/STL/TEN/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/EP CAR: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/28 DIFF: HOU/BUF, NYJ/CHI, NO/CIN, MIN/MIA, OAK/KC, WAS/TB, SD/DEN Tennessee (Cuban Linx 6-4) defeated Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 5-4-1) 9-6 TEN: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/17 PHI: BUF/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/23 DIFF: HOU/BUF, CHI/NYJ, CIN/NO, NE/GB, KC/OAK, CAR/STL, WAS/TB Washington (Human Fly 3-7) defeated by Tampa Bay (Starvenger 6-4) 6-7 WAS: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/TB/DET/SEA/SD/JAX/15 TB: HOU/ATL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/13 DIFF: BAL/ATL, KC/OAK, STL/CAR, PHI/TEN, TB/WAS, SD/DEN, JAX/NYG Detroit (Bravesfan 9-1) defeated Arizona (Vern Gagne 5-5) 8-5 DET: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/23 AZ: HOU/ATL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/18 DIFF: BAL/ATL, CHI/NYJ, NO/CIN, KC/OAK, CAR/STL, SD/DEN, 23/18 Seattle (C Dubya 5-5) defeated by San Francisco (Lightning Flik 3-7) 8-9 SEA: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/31 SF: BUF/BAL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/DET/SF/SD/NYG/17 DIFF: CHI/NYJ, MIA/MIN, KC/OAK, TEN/PHI, TB/WAS, SEA/SF, DEN/SD San Diego (Porter 5-5) defeated Denver (Canadian Chris 4-6) 9-8 SD: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIN/GB/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/WAS/DET/SF/SD/NYG/35 DEN: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/DET/SF/DEN/NYG/27 DIFF: BUF/HOU, MIN/MIA, GB/NE, STL/CAR, TEN/PHI, WAS/TB, SD/DEN N.Y. Giants (Cartman 3-7) defeated by Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 7-3) 8-9 NYG: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/CLE/STL/PHI/WAS/AZ/SEA/SD/NYG/35 JAX: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/AZ/SEA/DEN/JAX/16 DIFF: HOU/BUF, MIA/MIN, GB/NE, OAK/KC, CLE/PIT, SD/DEN, NYG/JAX

No. The hatred burns for quite some time, fuckface.

Oh, and if you are doing what King PK is doing, just edit the rest of your picks into your one post instead of doing two different threads.

With the Thanksgiving games coming up, I might as well provide the week-that-was early on. Atlanta at Baltimore (4.5). Correct. And the Falcons looked pretty good at the start of this season. What happened? Buffalo at Houston (2.5). Correct. I made a last-second switch to Buffalo, and it’s a good thing I did. (6.5) Chicago at N.Y. Jets. Correct. I also made an audible at the line of scrimmage with this game. Woo-hoo. The Jets played them tough, but the Bears defense played New York tougher. Cincinnati at New Orleans (3.5). Correct. I didn’t think the Saints would win this, but I thought the game would be closer than this. I wonder if this is the start of New Orleans’ slide down the standings. (1.5) Indianapolis at Dallas. Incorrect. OK, so Dallas has defeated a quality team (I’m sure a case can be made for the Cowboys win at Carolina, but that’s beside the point), but the Colts had to lose a game sometime. Much like how this week may have been the start of the Saints’ decline, I wonder if this is the start of the Cowboys run to the playoffs. Minnesota at Miami (3.5). Incorrect. Missed by half-a-point. Shucks. And most of Miami’s scoring took place on the defensive side of the ball. (6.5) New England at Green Bay. Correct. I had a feeling this could be a blowout. I like it when I’m on the winning side of these games. Oakland at Kansas City (9.5). Correct. Keep those close losses coming Oakland. I need all the help I can get. (3.5) Pittsburgh at Cleveland. Incorrect. Shit. I watched this game, and the Browns should have won. But in typical Cleveland fashion, they found a way to screw it up. St. Louis at Carolina (7.5). Incorrect. Bah. I thought the Rams would be able to score at least one touchdown. Tennessee at Philadelphia (13.5). Correct. I didn’t think Tennessee would win. I also didn’t think McNabb would tear his ACL. Ouch. Washington at Tampa Bay (3.5). Incorrect. Another half-point loss. I know of nothing else to say about this game. Detroit at Arizona (2.5). Correct. For as bad as Arizona is, Detroit is worse. Much worse. Well, maybe not much worse, but worse nevertheless. (6.5) Seattle at San Francisco. Incorrect. Has San Francisco improved that much? I don’t think so. Perhaps I should start paying attention to see which starters for Seattle are still on the injured list. San Diego at Denver (2.5). Correct. I’m sure Drew Brees couldn’t get the Chargers to much better a start to the season’s first half than Philip Rivers has. Then again, having a star running back, tight end and stingy defense can’t hurt, either. N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville (3.5). Incorrect. Poor Emily. And what was up with Jack Del Rio wearing that suit? This week’s record: 9-7 Cumulative record: 78-82 With several losing games decided by a half-point, I feel like this week is a loss.

No. You're not.

• No wonder Seinfeld didn't have any regular black characters. I always liked George and Jerry best, with Kramer coming in third, followed by Elaine at a distant, distant fourth, but after hearing this I might move Cosmo up a spot or two. Giddiap. Of course, nobody is saying anything about the racist epithets hurled at poor Kramer. “Cracker”? My people deserve better than this. Wait, the guy's a Jew? Nevermind. • I guess It’s only appropriate a wedding took place where the best truck for this ceremony was called “Grave Digger,” considering the groom is about to embark on a slow death with that ring on his finger. This couple won a contest to get hitched at a monster truck rally, which makes me wonder what the losers of this contest must feel like – will they now attempt to say their vows at the local Wal-Mart or McDonald’s? I was never into monster truck rallies, although I remember when Bigfoot was the shizzle. I'm not sure if that truck is still around, but I do remember Grave Digger back in those days. • Ryan Howard is the NL’s Most Valuable Player. Fuck those hippie win-share and other gay-ass stats. I say good for him. Now it’s only a matter of time until we find out he takes the roids.

A few notes this week: 1) Because of the upcoming hippie Thursday games, I'll be posting spreads a day or so earlier than I normally do, which is currently Wednesday/Thursday. If enough of you whine and bitch about the "unrealistic" spreads that sometimes occur early on in the week, I'll just make the Thursday games available earlier in the week with all the other games to follow later. 2) If you have any ideas on how to make this contest better, let me know via PM within the next few weeks. I'll take all the non-retarded ideas and put them up to a vote late in the season like I did last year (anyone with a team gets a vote). And for those point-spread whiners, remember that whenever "let's make this a straight-up pick 'em contest" gets proposed, it gets shot down. One thing I'm always on the lookout for is to find a way to minimize those contests where only one or two (and sometimes zero) differing picks determine a matchup, which is what the point spreads do a decent job of preventing for the most part, especially when compared to the year this was a straight-up pick 'em contest. Atlanta at Baltimore (4.5) Buffalo at Houston (2.5) (6.5) Chicago at N.Y. Jets Cincinnati at New Orleans (3.5) (1.5) Indianapolis at Dallas Minnesota at Miami (3.5) (6.5) New England at Green Bay Oakland at Kansas City (9.5) (3.5) Pittsburgh at Cleveland St. Louis at Carolina (7.5) Tennessee at Philadelphia (13.5) Washington at Tampa Bay (3.5) Detroit at Arizona (2.5) (6.5) Seattle at San Francisco San Diego at Denver (2.5) N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville (3.5) Atlanta (King of the 909 8-2) defeated Baltimore (King PK 4-6) 12-8 ATL: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/AZ/SEA/SD/JAX/10 BAL: BUF/ATL/CHI/NO/DAL/MIA/GB/OAK/CLE/CAR/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/23 DIFF: BAL/ATL, CIN/NO, IND/DAL, KC/OAK, PIT/CLE, WAS/TB, AZ/DET, JAX/NYG, 10/23 Buffalo (Bob Barron 5-5) defeated by Houston (Bored 4-6) 7-7 + TB BUF: BUF/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/17 HOU: BUF/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/17 DIFF: CAR/STL, DEN/SD, 17/17 Bob picked KC via AIM Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 4-6) defeated N.Y. Jets (Gert T 4-6) 8-5 CHI: HOU/ATL/CHI/NO/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/SEA/SD/JAX/35 NYJ: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/TB/DET/SF/DEN/NYG/13 DIFF: ATL/BAL, CHI/NYJ, TEN/PHI, AZ/DET, SEA/SF, SD/DEN, JAX/NYG Cincinnati (Teke 4-5-1) defeated by New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 4-5-1) 6-8 CIN: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/20 NO: HOU/ATL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/DET/SF/SD/JAX/28 DIFF: BAL/ATL, CHI/NYJ, NO/CIN, MIN/MIA, WAS/TB, SEA/SF, DEN/SD, NYG/JAX Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 5-5) defeated Dallas (Hawk34 4-6) 10-7 IND: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/OAK/CLE/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/SF/DEN/JAX/35 DAL: HOU/ATL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/STL/PHI/TB/DET/SF/SD/NYG/28 DIFF: BAL/ATL, NE/GB, CLE/PIT, TEN/PHI, AZ/DET, DEN/SD, JAX/NYG Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 5-5) defeated Miami (Spaceman Spiff 2-8) 10-9 MIN: BUF/BAL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/CAR/TEN/TB/AZ/SEA/SD/NYG/22 MIA: HOU/BAL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/DET/SF/SD/JAX/26 DIFF: BUF/HOU, GB/NE, OAK/KC, TEN/PHI, AZ/DET, SEA/SF, NYG/JAX New England (nl-asshole 4-5-1) defeated Green Bay (Vitamin X 6-4) 10-4 NE: BUF/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/NE/OAK/CLE/CAR/TEN/WAS/AZ/SEA/SD/JAX/27 GB: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/GB/KC/CLE/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/28 DIFF: BUF/HOU, NE/GB, OAK/KC, CAR/STL, WAS/TB, AZ/DET, JAX/NYG Oakland (Smues 5-5) defeated Kansas City (Alfdogg 7-3) 12-9 OAK: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/OAK/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/AZ/SEA/DEN/NYG/23 KC: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/TB/AZ/SF/SD/NYG/34 DIFF: BUF/HOU, CIN/NO, MIA/MIN, OAK/KC, WAS/TB, SEA/SF, DEN/SD Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 7-3) defeated Cleveland (SFA Jack 7-3) 9-7 PIT: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIA/GB/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/AZ/SF/SD/JAX/24 CLE: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/JAX/21 DIFF: CHI/NYJ, KC/OAK, CAR/STL, TB/WAS, AZ/DET, SF/SEA, 24/21 St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 4-6) defeated by Carolina (Fazzle 4-6) 7-8 STL: HOU/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/STL/TEN/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/EP CAR: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/28 DIFF: HOU/BUF, NYJ/CHI, NO/CIN, MIN/MIA, OAK/KC, WAS/TB, SD/DEN Tennessee (Cuban Linx 6-4) defeated Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 5-4-1) 9-6 TEN: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/17 PHI: BUF/BAL/NYJ/NO/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/23 DIFF: HOU/BUF, CHI/NYJ, CIN/NO, NE/GB, KC/OAK, CAR/STL, WAS/TB Washington (Human Fly 3-7) defeated by Tampa Bay (Starvenger 6-4) 6-7 WAS: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/TB/DET/SEA/SD/JAX/15 TB: HOU/ATL/CHI/NO/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/CAR/TEN/WAS/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/13 DIFF: BAL/ATL, KC/OAK, STL/CAR, PHI/TEN, TB/WAS, SD/DEN, JAX/NYG Detroit (Bravesfan 9-1) defeated Arizona (Vern Gagne 5-5) 8-5 DET: HOU/BAL/CHI/NO/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/SD/NYG/23 AZ: HOU/ATL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/18 DIFF: BAL/ATL, CHI/NYJ, NO/CIN, KC/OAK, CAR/STL, SD/DEN, 23/18 Seattle (C Dubya 5-5) defeated by San Francisco (Lightning Flik 3-7) 8-9 SEA: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/TB/DET/SEA/DEN/NYG/31 SF: BUF/BAL/NYJ/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/OAK/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/DET/SF/SD/NYG/17 DIFF: CHI/NYJ, MIA/MIN, KC/OAK, TEN/PHI, TB/WAS, SEA/SF, DEN/SD San Diego (Porter 5-5) defeated Denver (Canadian Chris 4-6) 9-8 SD: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIN/GB/KC/PIT/STL/TEN/WAS/DET/SF/SD/NYG/35 DEN: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/NE/KC/PIT/CAR/PHI/TB/DET/SF/DEN/NYG/27 DIFF: BUF/HOU, MIN/MIA, GB/NE, STL/CAR, TEN/PHI, WAS/TB, SD/DEN N.Y. Giants (Cartman 3-7) defeated by Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 7-3) 8-9 NYG: HOU/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIA/GB/OAK/CLE/STL/PHI/WAS/AZ/SEA/SD/NYG/35 JAX: BUF/BAL/CHI/CIN/IND/MIN/NE/KC/PIT/STL/PHI/WAS/AZ/SEA/DEN/JAX/16 DIFF: HOU/BUF, MIA/MIN, GB/NE, OAK/KC, CLE/PIT, SD/DEN, NYG/JAX

If you had to use EPs and ended up tied with your opponent, and if your opponent entered a TB for the week, he wins.

Deadline has come and gone. Canadian Guitarist is using EPs.

Should have just run across the parade like the cops were chasing you -- just like they do in the movies.