kkktookmybabyaway

• You may remember me saying that I’m no fan of Christopher Shays. He’s a typical RINO whose only use is taking up space in the “R” section of the Congressional aisle. However, I have to give him props for saying the following, which got a laugh out of me. I’m sure he’ll buckle and apologize for these remarks, but fuck that. And fuck Ted Kennedy. • The Chicago White Sox got a sponsor for their weeknight game times for the 2007 season. Next year, all home contests will be at and sponsored by … 7-Eleven. Call it corny. Call it a shameless way to make more money. Call it whatever. I call it brilliant. If I was getting paid seven figures (or whatever the deal is) to show up for work at a certain time, I'd do it in a heartbeat. • I have mentioned before this program a local supermarket is doing in the Shittsburgh region. This store, Giant Eagle, is giving all shoppers with one of those “advantage cards” that many of these places have nowadays 10 cents off per gallon of gasoline for every $50 in groceries purchased. This program has been such a hit with consumers that another grocery store chain, Shop 'n Save, is copying this business plan and partnering up with Sunoco. That’s when you know you have a successful marketing idea; when your competitors don’t even attempt to hide the fact that they’re ripping off your promotion. Well anyway, when someone decides to “cash in” on this discounted fuel purchase they are allowed to pump up to 30 gallons of fuel. This apparently doesn’t suit one customer all that well because yesterday on a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show she was complaining that her car only holds 15 gallons of fuel and that other motorists who drive SUVs can fill up more with the discounted price. She then said it wasn't fair and that she should be allowed to fill up twice with her discounted price. Christ almighty I hate the human race. • To complete my Quickie-Mart trifecta, I heard this local story about a convenience store employee who had shots fired into his place of employment the other night. Here’s the story. It was 2 a.m. in a not-so-nice part of Shittsburgh (yes, some areas are indeed worse than others) when these three guys entered and began complaining about the price of goods in this establishment. When the cashier told them that there’s nothing he can do, the customers began stealing stuff. This was when the clerk hit a device that locked the store’s doors, effectively trapping him in with two of the hoodlums. After some heated words the cashier unlocked the doors only after the customers put the stolen goods back. Shortly thereafter one of these upstanding citizens comes back into the store and fires off some shots – all caught on videotape. My question is why in the hell did the cashier lock these two thugs in the same building with him to begin with? Fuck that. If you don’t want people stealing from your store at 2 a.m. then don’t make your store open 24/7. There’s not way in hell I would even think about doing this sort of thing back when I was a cashier. If this shit happened to me, I’d just call the cops, who are usually nearby Quickie Marts anyway in the middle of the night – how many other places offer coffee and doughnuts at that time of night? With what cashiers make, there’s no way you should risk your safety because a bunch of idiots are lifting potato chips and soft drinks. The only time those doors should be locked like that is if one cashier is on duty and he or she has to be in the back room unloading and stocking recently arrived merchandise. Otherwise, leave that lock alone.

• Now this is rich. Mexico is threatening to take the U.S. in front of the United Nations if we decide to build a wall between our southern and their northern border. Talk about a threat; I’m about ready to shit my pants in fear. Why, I’m sure America will get at least four warnings by the U.N. before getting a really mean letter sent to the White House by the Secretary-General. Hey, Mexico, you don’t like us building a wall between our border with you? I have an idea – let’s implement the same immigration policies our friends to the south have for those who aren't Mexican-born that live in their country. Some highlights to what I linked above. Seems only fair to me that we follow Mexico's lead on this issue. • So it seems Randy Moss didn’t take to kindly to what Howie Long recently said about him. Uh, Randy, this former Raider is a Super Bowl champion, multi-time Pro Bowler and member of the NFL Hall of Fame. Pick your battles more wisely. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This guy who has several young kids from a previous marriage got hitched with this chick. His wife said to him before the wedding that she had been molested as a kid but it was only until after they got married that she told him the molester was a family member. Seeing how the caller is bringing several small kids into her family, he asked her who was the pervert. She refuses to say who violated her childhood but she insists that “he’s gotten over it,” adding that he only molested two family members.

Moss is a great talent (when he wants to be), but I'd rather have Long on my team than Randy.

Buffalo at Chicago (7.5) Cleveland at Carolina (8.5) Detroit at Minnesota (6.5) Miami at New England (10.5) (3.5) St. Louis at Green Bay Tampa Bay at New Orleans (6.5) Tennessee at Indianapolis (18.5) Washington at N.Y. Giants (4.5) (3.5) Kansas City at Arizona N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (7.5) Oakland at San Francisco (3.5) Dallas at Philadelphia (2.5) Pittsburgh at San Diego (3.5) Baltimore at Denver (4.5) Open date: Atlanta, Cincinnati, Houston, Seattle Buffalo (Bob Barron 3-2) defeated by Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 1-4) 7-8 BUF: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/STL/NO/IND/NYG/AZ/JAX/SF/PHI/PIT/BAL/10 CHI: CHI/CLE/MIN/MIA/STL/NO/IND/WAS/KC/JAX/OAK/PHI/SD/DEN/31 DIFF: CAR/CLE, NE/MIA, NYG/WAS, AZ/KC, SF/OAK, PIT/SD, BAL/DEN Cleveland (SfA Jack 5-0) defeated Carolina (Fazzle 1-4)6-6+TB Jack predicted 16 points. Cleveland scored 12. Difference: 4 Fazzle predicted 28 points. Carolina scored 20. Difference: 8 CLE: CHI/CLE/DET/NE/STL/NO/IND/NYG/KC/JAX/SF/DAL/SD/BAL/16 CAR: CHI/CAR/DET/NE/GB/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/PIT/DEN/28 DIFF: CLE/CAR, STL/GB, JAX/NYJ, DAL/PHI, SD/PIT, BAL/DEN, 16/28 Detroit (Bravesfan 4-1) defeated Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 2-3) 7-5 DET: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/GB/NO/TEN/WAS/AZ/NYJ/SF/PHI/PIT/BAL/13 MIN: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/GB/NO/TEN/WAS/KC/NYJ/OAK/PHI/PIT/BAL/26 DIFF: AZ/KC, SF/OAK, 13/26 Miami (Spaceman Spiff 2-3) defeated New England (nl-asshole 0-4-1) 6-6+TB Spiff predicted 13 points. Miami scored 10. Difference: 3 Asshole predicted 24 points. New England scored 20. Difference: 4 MIA: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/STL/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/PIT/DEN/13 NE: CHI/CAR/MIN/MIA/STL/NO/TEN/NYG/KC/NYJ/OAK/PHI/PIT/BAL/24 DIFF: NE/MIA, IND/TEN, SF/OAK, DEN/BAL, 13/24 St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 2-3) defeated Green Bay (Vitamin X 3-2) 7-5 STL: BUF/CAR/MIN/MIA/GB/NO/IND/NYG/AZ/JAX/OAK/DAL/PIT/DEN/27 GB: BUF/CAR/MIN/NE/GB/NO/IND/WAS/AZ/NYJ/SF/PHI/PIT/BAL/21 DIFF: MIA/NE, NYG/WAS, JAX/NYJ, OAK/SF, DAL/PHI, DEN/BAL, 27/21 Tampa Bay (Starvenger 2-2) defeated New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 1-4) 10-8 TB: CHI/CLE/MIN/NE/STL/NO/TEN/NYG/AZ/NYJ/SF/PHI/SD/DEN/6 NO: CHI/CAR/MIN/MIA/GB/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/PIT/DEN/27 DIFF: CLE/CAR, NE/MIA, STL/GB, TEN/IND, AZ/KC, SD/PIT, 6/27 Tennessee (Cuban Linx 3-2) defeated Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 3-2) 8-8+TB Linx predicted 10 points. Tennessee scored 13. Difference: 3 Doyle predicted 41 points. Indy scored 14. Difference: 27 TEN: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/STL/NO/IND/NYG/KC/JAX/SF/PHI/SD/DEN/10 IND: CHI/CLE/MIN/NE/STL/TB/IND/WAS/AZ/JAX/SF/DAL/SD/BAL/41 DIFF: CAR/CLE, NO/TB, NYG/WAS, KC/AZ, PHI/DAL, DEN/BAL, 10/41 Washington (Human Fly 2-3) defeated by N.Y. Giants (Cartman 2-2) 6-6+TB Fly predicted 23 points. Washington scored 3. Difference: 20 Cartman predicted 30 points. NY scored 19. Difference: 11 WAS: CHI/CAR/MIN/MIA/STL/NO/TEN/WAS/KC/NYJ/SF/DAL/SD/BAL/23 NYG: CHI/CAR/DET/MIA/STL/NO/TEN/NYG/KC/NYJ/OAK/PHI/SD/BAL/30 DIFF: MIN/DET, WAS/NYG, SF/OAK, DAL/PHI, 23/20 Kansas City (Alfdogg 3-1) defeated Arizona (Vern Gagne 2-3) 8-7 KC: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/GB/NO/IND/NYG/KC/JAX/SF/DAL/SD/DEN/24 AZ:CHI/CAR/DET/MIA/GB/NO/IND/WAS/AZ/JAX/SF/DAL/PIT/DEN/21 DIFF: MIN/DET, NE/MIA, NYG/WAS, KC/AZ, SD/PIT N.Y. Jets (Gert T 3-2) defeated Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 3-2) 7-6 NYJ: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/STL/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/SD/DEN/13 JAX: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/STL/NO/IND/WAS/KC/JAX/SF/DAL/SD/DEN/23 DIFF: NYG/WAS, NYJ/JAX, PHI/DAL Oakland (Smues 3-1) defeated San Francisco (Lightning Flik 1-4) 9-7 OAK: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/GB/TB/TEN/WAS/KC/JAX/SF/PHI/SD/BAL/23 SF: BUF/CLE/MIN/NE/GB/NO/IND/NYG/AZ/NYJ/SF/DAL/SD/BAL/17 DIFF: CHI/BUF, CAR/CLE, TB/NO, TEN/IND, WAS/NYG, KC/AZ, JAX/NYJ, PHI/DAL, 23/17 Dallas (Hawk34 1-3) defeated by Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 4-1) 6-7 DAL: CHI/CAR/DET/MIA/STL/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/DAL/SD/DEN/31 PHI: CHI/CAR/DET/NE/STL/TB/TEN/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/PIT/DEN/24 DIFF: MIA/NE, NO/TB, IND/TEN, DAL/PHI, SD/PIT Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 2-2) defeated San Diego (Porter 2-2) PIT: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/GB/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/SD/DEN/20 SD: CHI/CAR/MIN/NE/STL/NO/IND/NYG/KC/NYJ/SF/DAL/SD/DEN/35 DIFF: GB/STL, PHI/DAL, 20/35 Baltimore (King PK 2-3) defeated Denver (Canadian Chris 1-3) 7-4 BAL: BUF/CAR/MIN/MIA/STL/NO/TEN/WAS/KC/JAX/SF/PHI/PIT/DEN/21 DEN: CHI/CAR/DET/NE/STL/NO/IND/WAS/KC/NYJ/SF/PHI/SD/BAL/16 DIFF: BUF/CHI, MIN/DET, MIA/NE, TEN/IND, JAX/NYJ, PIT/SD, DEN/BAL Open date: Atlanta (King of the 909 4-0), Cincinnati (Teke 2-1-1), Houston (Bored 2-2), Seattle (C Dubya 2-2)

AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 3-2 < PF: 37, PA: 36, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 3-2 < PF: 39, PA: 35, AFC: 3-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-1 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 2-3 < PF: 37, PA: 41, AFC: 2-3, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 2-0 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 0-4-1 < PF: 39, PA: 36, AFC: 0-3-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-3 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 5-0 < PF: 38, PA: 33, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 2-0 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 2-1-1 < PF: 29, PA: 30, AFC: 2-1-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 2-2 < PF: 31, PA: 32, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 2-3 < PF: 36, PA: 37, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-1 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 3-2 < PF: 35, PA: 38, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 3-2 < PF: 38, PA: 35, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-0 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 3-2 < PF: 42, PA: 36, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-2 > Houston Texans (Bored) 2-2 < PF: 32, PA: 31, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 0-1 > AFC WEST Oakland Raiders (Smues) 3-1 < PF: 37, PA: 32, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 3-1 < PF: 33, PA: 29, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-0 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 2-2 < PF: 31, PA: 30, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 1-3 < PF: 28, PA: 33, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 4-1 < PF: 41, PA: 37, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-0 > New York Giants (Cartman) 2-2 < PF: 35, PA: 32, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-1 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 2-3 < PF: 34, PA: 33, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-1 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 1-3 < PF: 28, PA: 28, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 0-2 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 4-1 < PF: 39, PA: 38, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 4-1, DIV: 2-1 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 3-2 < PF: 36, PA: 33, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 3-2, DIV: 2-0 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 2-3 < PF: 36, PA: 35, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-1 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 1-4 < PF: 32, PA: 40, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-4, DIV: 0-3 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-0 < PF: 36, PA: 30, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 3-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 2-2 < PF: 34, PA: 35, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-1 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 1-4 < PF: 35, PA: 38, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-2 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 1-4 < PF: 36, PA: 38, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 0-3 > NFC WEST Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya) 2-2 < PF: 34, PA: 34, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-0 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 2-3 < PF: 39, PA: 32, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-1 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 2-3 < PF: 39, PA: 40, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 0-2 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 1-4 < PF: 28, PA: 36, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-1 >

• One of the fun things about watching a movie you’ve already seen with someone who’s viewing it for the first time is listening to their guesses about how the film’s plot will unfold. A few nights ago the better half and I were watching “Saw.” While I had already seen this film several times already, this was her virgin excursion. Warning: SPOILERZ AHEAD. Toward the end where that orderly was being chased by Danny Glover’s character, Mrs. kkk began saying how there just had to be more than one person in on this conspiracy to put people in death contraptions. I just let her continue with her hypothesis of who the real killers were. When it was finally revealed that there was only one Jigsaw, and he was that patient in the hospital, without missing a beat she said, “I knew it had to be that old guy all along.” That old guy who was only shown on screen for about a second lying on a hospital bed? Uh-huh. In regards to the actual movie itself, I didn’t think “Saw” was that bad. It wasn’t as great as some people made it out to be, but it was nice for what it was. I haven’t seen the two sequels yet; “Saw II” is one of those films I’ll get around to one of these days, and I’m not even thinking about the third installment. Oh, and here’s a tip for all married guys – even when you are describing anyone of the opposite sex just to help your better half identify who this person is, don’t do it. Now I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but whenever the better half has asked me which celebrities do I think are attractive, I keep my mouth shut. However, last night I was off my A Game. Here’s the conversation that took place during “Saw’s” opening credits: Learn from my mistakes. Lord knows I make enough of them. • So it looks like Joe Torre is getting a stay of execution from George Steinbrenner. Whatever. I don’t care. Actually, I thought it’d be funny to have Lou Pinella come in and tear some shit up; it worked for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers when Tony Dungy got fired from that team and they brought in John Gruden. Now I’m a huge Dungy fan, but that team just couldn’t get to the next level. Tony took a historically terrible franchise and turned it around to where it was a playoff contender. However, whenever playoff time came, the Bucs just couldn’t get it done. When Gruden came in, he lit a fire just long enough to give Tampa Bay its first Super Bowl win. So even if Torre got fired this off-season in favor of Hothead Lou, I might not have agreed with the front-office decision, but I would have understood it. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This 19-year old girl says that she’s been seeing this guy off-and-on for three years and now she’s knocked up. Mr. Right says that he wants to see other people and has sex with other women before coming back home to have sex with her. When asked why she’s with this guy, the caller’s response is, “he said he loves me.” When the subject of getting that baby to an adoption agency comes up, the caller replies that she has “other ideas” because “my sister had one when she was 16.” Oh, and also because Mr. Right has told the caller that he wants to be there for the baby, too.

Before I even begin, the paternity test reference in today's entry title does NOT involve me (yet... ). • A few entries ago I made my insta-predictions for this year’s MLB playoffs. Why has Al kkkeiper reprinted his predictions only for the division series match-ups? You’ll see. You know, there’s a certain satisfaction with being so off target that you end up striking nearby spectators instead. • While listening to RIGHT-WING RADIO today, there was a man-on-the-street type of deal during a top-of-the-hour newscast. A New Yorker was asked what he thought of North Korea’s alleged nuclear weapons test that took place this past weekend. And what was this genius’ comment? “It’s very disturbing. There should be treaties to stop this sort of thing.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I think what pisses me off the most about idiots like this is that their vote counts just the same as mine. Then again, I'm sure clueless commies think the same about me and my voting power. • I have no idea who this chick is, but I like her. Apparently she achieved fame because she's hot and her boyfriend/husband (or whatever the hell he was) Jude Law was banging their ugly nanny or something. Nevertheless, I’m now her newest fan. • While looking for the above article, I stumbled across this one that fired me up. Sure the kid’s not yours, but you still gotta pay. And who says that red diaper doper baby judges don’t have too much power? • You know it’s Monopoly time at McDonalds. How? Because rednecks from nearby counties and their out-of-state friends are thinking up ways to win the grand prize without having to gain 100 lbs from eating all those greasy burgers and sugar-laden soft drinks. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This lady has a sister who wants the two of them to go into business together. The caller's sister wants to start up an ice cream parlor business, but the caller has some reservations about doing so. Why? Because the sister has been caught in the past stealing from a church she used to work at. How much money did she swipe? $116,000 during a two-year period. What did the sister use the money for? Gambling.

No way. I'm not going to jinx Andy Van Slyke's chances of winning a ring as part of the Tigers' coaching staff. ... Fuck.

I rented Fear.com once -- I fell asleep midway through it, woke up at the end, and had no desire to see what I missed.

Guitarist, I forgot to put TB scores in the DIFF line -- I have now. You are right regarding everything in your last post. Linx, you are correct, too.

Here we go for my Week 5 pickkks: Buffalo at Chicago (7.5) After their thrashing of the Seahawks, many have now labeled the Bears as the NFL’s team to beat. With that distinction now given to the Monsters of the Midway, I’m taking Buffalo. Cleveland at Carolina (8.5) I’m trying to decide which Cleveland Browns team will show up. Will it be the one that snatched victory from the jaws of defeat at Oakland, or the one that snatched defeat from the jaws of victory versus Baltimore? Well, they lose by a touchdown or less in this contest, so I’ll side with snatching defeat from the jaws of a really bad defeat. Detroit at Minnesota (6.5) Minnesota will probably win, but can Detroit keep it close? I didn’t hear any Roy Williams guarantee anything this week, so I’ll hope for a close Vikings win or Detroit upset. I also want to see if my theory of “even bad teams have to win sometime” gets proven true in this case. Miami at New England (10.5) That’s an awfully big spread, but if I was on the Patriots team, I’d want to beat down the Dolphins as bad as I could, considering many predicted them to be AFC East champs this year. (3.5) St. Louis at Green Bay Oh what the hey, I’ll take the Rams in this one. Tampa Bay at New Orleans (6.5) I think the Saints will win this game, but will it by six-and-a-half points? The Bucs’ starting quarterback is out, and Gruden does have a complicated offense. I’ll take the Saints on this one. Tennessee at Indianapolis (18.5) Eighteen-and-a-half points? Christ. I don’t know what’s funnier: that a point spread is that high for an NFL game, or that I’m still considering taking Indianapolis? I don’t this will be an “upset special,” but I’ll take the Titans. Actually, I’m taking that point spread; I have no faith in Tennessee to win. Washington at N.Y. Giants (4.5) I don’t know which way to go in this one – take the team with an extra week to prepare, or go with the team who is coming off an emotional victory? Although there may be a “letdown” effect, I’ll take the Redskins because the Giants are favored. (3.5) Kansas City at Arizona The last time the Chiefs played a crappy NFC West team, I thought the 49ers would make a game out of it. They didn’t. I don’t have that same faith in the Cardinals, even though they’re playing in that ultra-fancy new stadium. N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (7.5) I don’t know which way to go in this game. Normally I’d go with Jacksonville, but that point spread has me thinking J-E-T-S. Well, the Jets lost by three at home to Indianapolis last week, I’ll go with them this week to lose by less than a touchdown. But wait a second. Coles is hurt, and Pennington will probably get hurt. I'm calling an audible on this one. Oakland at San Francisco (3.5) A real Game of the Week contender if ever there was one. I’ll take the Raiders just because the 49ers are favored. Dallas at Philadelphia (2.5) Did you all know T.O. is coming back to Philly this week? If anything, it’ll be amusing to see the Eagles fans react to Owens. I’ll take the Cowboys in this one, if only to see what Owens does after he scores a touchdown or two. Pittsburgh at San Diego (3.5) I’m curious to see how the Steelers rebound after losing two consecutive games. I don’t think they’ll win, but they could. Plus the Chargers are giving up three-and-a-half points. Baltimore at Denver (4.5) If this were a straight-up pick ‘em contest I’d take Denver. Because of the point spread, I’ll side with Baltimore, even though I think this is the week where they get one in the loss column.

I might almost want to have a kid just so I can dress him or her up in that.

One of the things that really sucks about being an adult is your “days off” and “vacations” aren’t quite the same as they were when you were a kid. I had Thursday and Friday of this week off from work, and what did I do? On Thursday, I spent the afternoon doing yard work, and on Friday I spent most of the day cleaning the house. No goofing around; no playing video games (much); no going over to a friend’s house (provided I had any) to goof around and play video games. Nothing. And it only got worse today because for our neighborhood had a garage sale and the better half decided we needed to unload some of our junk onto willing buyers. My experiences with these kinds of sales are limited; back in the day I went to this local flea market a few times to buy sports cards and crappy baseball hats, and that’s about the extent of my flea market/garage sale expertise. Mrs. kkk had agreed to take part of this event and spent all week pricing our junk. Most of the stuff we that were going to pimp were leftover wedding materials (centerpieces, candles, etc.) from our wedding, but she also rummaged through some other trinkets that have been tossed aside. Still sore from two days’ worth of work around the house, I was woken up at 7 this morning and told to get ready for six hours’ of selling. Yippie. After getting a shower, I trudged out to our driveway, where the better half already had our several tables of crap on display. As I stood out there in the brisk autumn air, I thought to myself who seriously stops by these places to engage in this sort of commerce? As it turned out, quite a bit more people than I had initially thought. After 10 minutes, people started arriving on our street looking at all the stuff we had deemed worthy for purchase. All in all, it was a successful day – the better half got more than $105 for our crap, but the transaction I will forever remember revolved around a $1 sale involving a VHS tape. We had about a dozen or so VHS tapes out on display; because we had each of these movies on DVD, we figured this might be a good opportunity to unload these tapes. This old guy stopped by and was looking through our titles. And what did he eventually select? Did he select the awesomeness that is one of the three Indiana Jones films? No. Was it "Enemy of the State," a movie I was so-so about, but I’ve heard good reviews from other people I know? Nope. Was it "G.I. Jane," a film that I thought would be a feminazi piece of shit but actually turned out way better than I had expected? Na-ah. What movie did this guy, after reading the back cover of its box, finally decide upon? (keep scrolling) Remember how I said our VHS collection had been upgraded to DVD? Well, I lied. One movie didn’t make the cut, and this was it. Years ago I bought "I Got the Hook Up" because I wanted to see how awful a Master P-produced film could be, and not awful in the “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” awful where “awful” is actually “good.” I’m talking “awful” in “how the fuck did this ever get created?” I think the worst thing about the old guy purchasing this from us is that he’s soon going to watch this piece of shit, remember where it was that he bought it and try to get even by setting our house on fire. I’m praying he got this VHS as a gag or as a gift to his wigger grandson who is kicking it g-style in the heart of suburbia. Another sad facet of this story is that shortly after this old guy left with his prize, these kids came by and bought all of our VHS taps; one of them even pointed out to his one friend that “Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice in the Hood” was a great movie. At least with this customer I would have known that “I got the Hook up” would have gone to a loving home not to be thrown into the trash after just 10 minutes of viewing.

Wow ... Just, wow. But is the album any good?

Great. Now I get to hear Wilbon bitch about O'Neil's HOF jilting next week on PTI. And then in '07 he'll get 110% of the vote and be inducted.

So you now going to kick her to the curb? And stop with the colored fonts.

When I was watching the game yesterday, believe it or not, I actually thought of you -- scary. Are you guys too cheap to spring for an organist so you have a bunch of hippies playing horns or something?

At the time?

• Well yesterday was a bit of a bummer. I spent more than four hours mowing a lawn I had slacked off on for some time, and the grass was too thick to be picked up by my hippie mower. In order not to have huge clumps of foliage scattered throughout my property I had to rake these clippings and manually bag them. Four-plus hours and seven trash bags later, I was finally done. As I was finishing up, my neighbor’s son was doing some yard work for his parents. (You might remember me talking about my neighbor and his policy toward groundhogs.) I asked him how his father was doing because I hadn’t seen him out for a while and I was wondering if he was OK. Turns out he passed away two weeks ago. Ouch. He had been suffering from anemia and it turned into full-blown leukemia; he was taken to the hospital on a Sunday and passed away on a Thursday. This got me the thinking on how I would like to go out – is it better to just get hit with death all of a sudden, or take that extra time and suffer? Would enduring the extra pain be worth it for reflecting one final time on your life? I don’t know the answer to this one, although I’d probably opt for Decision A. When I told the better half what happened to our neighbor later that day, she began to freak out because we didn’t attend his funeral or offer our condolences – I reasoned that as they were rushing him off to the hospital I doubted that “informing the neighbors” was on that family’s list of things to do. Either way, it’s a shame he died. The last time I spoke with him was the previous time I mowed the lawn. I was using a wheelbarrow to haul some stuff out of our shed to the curb for garbage pick-up and we chatted for a few minutes. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about (I do recall making fun of the Pirates though), but I remember him saying something about how if you get a group of women together they’ll gossip about an anthill until it turns into a mountain. RIP Steve – once your wife passes on and your son sells the house, I shudder to think who will be moving in next to us. On the bright side, his son lives next to his parents' house, so the chances of getting somewhat normal neighbors would be good. • The Penguins kicked off their NHL season last night with a 4-0 victory over the Philadelphia Flyers. What made the evening interesting was a press conference in-between the first two periods with the Pens new owner, Jim Balsillie. I know nothing of this guy, and according to the Penguins Web site he is co-CEO of a company that makes those Blackberry things. While witnessing his press conference, it was amusing to note the number of times he mentioned that the Mellon Arena, which is where the Pens call home, is nearly 50 years old (I counted about a half-dozen references). He also noted that the NHL has stressed, not him, that it is imperative that the Penguins get a new arena; I’m not sure if he’s going to move the team, but if Shittsburgh drags its feet any longer on this arena issue, I wouldn’t blame Balsillie for heading out to Kansas City, Portland, Seattle, or any other city that will give him a better deal. It’s a shame in a way because this town bent over backwards (and the taxpayers bent over forwards) to give new stadiums to the Pirates and Steelers back in the late 1990s. A new arena would make more business sense, in my opinion, because it would be used much more than a football stadium, and unlike PNC Park, since it’s an enclosed structure, an arena is more suitable for year-round use (there are currently 28 events scheduled from October 6 through the end of the year and 51 events scheduled through April 7 of 2007). But then again the Penguins have always been the red-haired stepchild of this region, so why should I be surprised there isn't the same public/media outcry about the need for building a new arena as there was when the Pirates threatened to take their ball and leave? • I normally don’t remember my dreams, and the ones that I do recall I don’t dare to mention for fear of the better half ever finding out about them. However, since I’m typing this in the early morning, I still have the events of last night freshly lodged in my memory. Every Thursday we change the litter boxes for our three cats – Dessa, JJ and Max. We have four of them scattered throughout the house. One is in the basement, two are in “their” room on the first floor and one is in the upstairs computer room. The two in “their” room are the ones that get the most use, so they get changed every Thursday; the other two get changed every few weeks. This week is my turn to change the litter boxes, and this is what I was doing in my dream. The problem was that the kid from those Grudge and Ju-On movies was running around me as I was trying to complete this task. When I was getting the litter ready to be taken out to the outside curb, I finally yelled to this kid, “Will you get the fuck out of my way?!” He did, and I was waiting for that crawling chick to come down the steps and make that goofy noise she does while sucking the life force out of a person. To my benefit she didn’t show up, but then I woke up with a parched throat and realized that I still had to change the litter boxes in the real world before the garbage truck makes its rounds. Sonofabitch.

LOL at the Pirates being ranked 26/27, and those two guys got traded off. And whatever happened to that Shelton guy being the second-coming of Babe Ruth (he got sent back down, right?)

Kendall is in your To 10? Looks like he's still getting it done.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 52: The Max This guy had a fling with another poster at this place, and from what I remember she was going to move to his region of the country and live happily ever after. Well, I don’t know what happened to happily ever after, but I’m sure that relationship wasn’t as messy as the aftermath of Hurricane Chuck. Also, he’s more than accommodating when you’re asking questions about NHL ’06. • I heard on the radio the other day that with the NHL regular season starting up, the Penguins will have three teenagers on the ice for the first time in franchise history. In other news, former congressman Mark Foley is seeing if he's got any shot at a political office in Allegheny County. While I’m on this subject, now Foley says a clergyman molested him as a teen. Uh-huh. Oh, by the way... OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2006! • It’s not just congressmen who are using the “I was molested as a kid” excuse. Now this guy who killed those Amish kids said he was molested 20 years ago and that he was feeling the urge to fondle children again. I guess that’s why you brought sex toys with you into the school. Asshole. Why pick on the Amish? They are probably the most harmless people on the face of this earth. You can make fun of them, and how are they going to know? It’s not like they’re going to find out by television, radio or the Internet, and even if word should get out to them they’ll just forgive you anyway. If you want to kill Catholics because Father John touched your privates 30 years ago, or if you want to pick off some Jews because, well, they’re Jews, I’m sure there's a more-than-capable defense lawyer out there who would be able to spin your rough childhood to at least 2-3 members of a jury educated through a government school, but this is the freakin’ Amish. They ride around in horse-drawn buggies. How can you hate that? (Unless of course you are late for work and they are in front of you on a one-lane road.) • So the U.S. is saying there is “no future” for a nuclear North Korea. Like there’s any kind of future for a non-nuclear North Korea. • I didn't watch the Tigers/Yankees Game 2, but this is all I needed to know. Ugh. • Man, if we ever did this in the United States, the National Debt could get wiped out in less than a year.

I’m almost afraid to see what teams I picked this week after seeing some scores that came out of my kkk Bowl IV contest, but nevertheless on with the show. Arizona at Atlanta. Correct. I was sweating a bit when that Cardinals defender returned an interception 99 yards for a touchdown, but then Atlanta scored a whole bunch of points to put me at ease. Dallas at Tennessee. Correct. I had hoped Dallas would cover the spread, but I didn’t expect this to be a BUTT-kicking. And regarding Albert Haynesworth, that guy who kicked the Cowboys lineman in the head, I’m still not sure how I feel about his punishment. I think one reason I’m not ready to ban him for life is that there were no permanent injuries resulting from his stupid actions. In addition, the guy did seem repentant afterward. If this had happened in Major League Baseball, the suspension wouldn’t take place until after his 20th appeal was exhausted. As long as Haynesworth admits his mistake, takes his punishment with his mouth shut and stays on the straight-and-narrow, I’m sure many fans will forgive him. (Whether or not the guy who saw his cleats close-up will is another story, and who can blame him if he never forgives Haynesworth?) I heard on the radio today that Haynesworth has had previous anger management issues, and if that’s the case I hope for his sake this is the wake-up call that straightens himself out. Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets. Incorrect. Even though I don’t agree with that fourth-down play to try and score a touchdown instead of kicking a field goal to take a three-point lead on the Colts, I have to give the Jets props – they’re playing a lot better than I thought they would this year. Miami at Houston. Correct. I felt this could be a close game/upset, and I was right. Even teams like the Texans have to win one or two games every season. Minnesota at Buffalo. Incorrect. I also felt this could be a close game/upset, and I was wrong. Bummer. At least the game was close. New Orleans at Carolina. Correct. The Saints may have lost the battle, but they won the point-spread war. And in the end that’s all that really matters to me. San Diego at Baltimore. Correct. I’m going to be interested to see how the Steelers play against the Chargers this week. It’s still weird seeing Steve McNair in a Ravens uniform. San Francisco at Kansas City. Incorrect. Boy was I off the mark on this one. At least the 49ers kept within the 10-point spread until the opening kickoff. Detroit at St. Louis. Correct. Four weeks in and I still have no read on the Rams. On the other hand, even a high-school aged Mike Singletary can get a read on what kind of team the Lions are going to be this year. Cleveland at Oakland. Incorrect. Missed this prediction by half-a-stinking point. God do the Raiders suck. At least Cleveland has this lovable “yeah we lose but we try … sometimes” aura to them. The Raiders have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Jacksonville at Washington. Incorrect. The hell? I think the Jaguars gave up more points in this game than they have all year. Well, OK, so I’m off by 2 – they still should have won that game, along with covering the spread. New England at Cincinnati. Incorrect. Whoops. I’m not sure if New England is that good or if Cincinnati stunk up the joint that much. Say what you will about New England’s business practices, but they win more times than they lose. Seattle at Chicago. Incorrect. I was correct in assuming this would be a lopsided game. I was incorrect in predicting which team would show up to play and which one didn’t. Green Bay at Philadelphia. Correct. I thought this would be another wrong selection when I went to bed at halftime. The next morning I did a double-take when I saw the final score of this 31-9 contest. Record this week: 7-7. Cumulative Record: 31-29. Well, at least I’m not sub-.500 … yet.

What two DVDs did you want, you liberal terrorist?

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 53: Banky/The Winter of my Discontent/A Catholic/Memoirs of an Invisible Chevy/Etc. While this guy has ruffled more than a few feathers at this place, I’ve grown to like Banky (or whatever he’s calling himself this week). When I first started reading his posts, I was asking myself who was this silly goose. I soon then began to enjoy his sense of humor, even though he doesn't care too much for kitties. And here's yet another reason why my three are kept indoors. And now a word or two from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed. From SFA Jack: From Cancer Marney: • The big story yesterday was Terrell Owens (allegedly) overdosing on pills in a suicide attempt. Or did he? I have no clue, nor do I care. I am not an Owens-hater, and I have said before that many of theatrics amuse me. He may be a cancer in his team’s locker room, but I’m not part of that team, so I don’t care what he does. The only thing I had a problem with regarding his behavior was when he threw a fit one year into being a Philadelphia Eagle. I sympathize with NFL players and their desire to be paid what they think they’re worth. After all, unlike other sports such as basketball and baseball, NFL players don’t have guaranteed contracts. Sure there’s that signing bonus thing, but if an owner can cut a player because they’re due the money agreed to in a contract, then a player can hold out for more cash if they out-perform that same piece of paper. My problem with Owens and what he did while with the Eagles was that he agreed on a hefty contract the YEAR BEFORE acting like a diva. This wasn’t some Pro-Bowl caliber, fourth-year player making a few hundred grand and wanting to set himself up for life; Owens had agreed on a seven-year, $49 million contract with a $10 million signing bonus when he went to the Eagles; couldn't he have at least waited until year three of his contract, or when the Eagles won the Super Bowl, to ask for more money? • Well, I stand corrected. You know how whenever some hippie whines about how America sucks, the typical right-wing response is, “If you don’t like it here, then git’ out.” Well, someone finally did. And to Cuba, no less. Now the balance of people coming to the U.S. and those leaving for Cuba is starting to level out, what with hundreds of thousands (probably millions) coming over and one exiting. And even this one who left the States wasn't doing so for Castro's free health care or rice cookers – it was for poon. • This is odd. I thought being a sniveling, spineless piece of shit was one of the job requirements to being U.N. Secretary-General. • The Republican Party is going to hold its 2008 Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul – the only state that voted for Mondale in ’84. Well, I guess that’s still better than having your convention in Cleveland. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This is one of those instances when a couple in peril calls into the show – why oh why do these people agree to this sort of thing? The woman is 41, the man is 43. They have been dating for a few months or a year, depending on which person you ask. Both have been in previous abusive relationships, and both are afraid of what happens to each of them when they get into a fight; these people feel that whenever they get into an argument they act like they did when they were with their previous significant others. When asked to give an example of what happens to one of these "abused" people, the guy says the following. “Whenever we get into a fight while driving, I push her out of the car, drive away and leave her there to walk home.”