kkktookmybabyaway

Bored-what's my percentage?

A little birdy told me Marvin is "Done with TSM" (Now where have I heard that one before?), so if he doesn't submit picks this week, KingPK is taking over Raven duties. Also, for the n00bs -- if your team has a bye for a particular week, you don't need to submit picks. 26 (3.5) Carolina at Tampa Bay 24 19 (3.5) Chicago at Minnesota 16 28 Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (1.5) 20 31 Green Bay at Detroit (6.5) 24 14 Jacksonville at Indianapolis (7.5) 21 28 N.Y. Jets at Buffalo (5.5) 20 10 Tennessee at Miami (11.5) 13 31 (3.5) Washington at Houston 15 15 (7.5) Baltimore at Cleveland 14 30 N.Y. Giants at Seattle (3.5) 42 38 (6.5) Philadelphia at San Francisco 24 16 St. Louis at Arizona (4.5) 14 17 Denver at New England (6.5) 7 3 (3.5) Atlanta at New Orleans Open date: Dallas, Kansas City, Oakland, San Diego Carolina (Fazzle 0-3) defeated by Tampa Bay (Starvenger 1-2) 5-8 CAR: CAR/CHI/PIT/GB/JAX/BUF/TEN/HOU/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/ATL/17 TB: CAR/CHI/CIN/DET/JAX/BUF/TEN/WAS/CLE/SEA/SF/AZ/DEN/NO/10 DIFF: PIT/CIN, GB/DET, HOU/WAS, BAL/CLE, PHI/SF, NE/DEN, ATL/NO, 17/10 Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 0-3) defeated by Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 2-1) 4-8 CHI: CAR/CHI/PIT/DET/JAX/BUF/MIA/HOU/BAL/SEA/SF/STL/NE/NO/27 MIN: CAR/CHI/PIT/GB/JAX/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/STL/DEN/ATL/13 DIFF: DET/GB, BUF/NYJ, HOU/WAS, SF/PHI, NE/DEN, NO/ATL, 27/13 Cincinnati (Teke 2-1) defeated Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 1-2) 8-7 CIN: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/BUF/TEN/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/NO/21 PIT: CAR/CHI/PIT/GB/JAX/BUF/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/DEN/NO/31 DIFF: CIN/PIT, TEN/MIA, NE/DEN Green Bay (Vitamin X 2-1) defeated Detroit (Bravesfan 2-1) 8-5 GB: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/NYJ/TEN/HOU/BAL/SEA/SF/STL/NE/NO/7 DET: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/IND/NYJ/MIA/HOU/BAL/NYG/PHI/AZ/NE/NO/21 DIFF: JAX/IND, TEN/MIA, SEA/NYG, SF/PHI, STL/AZ Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 2-1) defeated Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 2-1) 7-6 JAX: TB/CHI/PIT/DET/JAX/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/DEN/ATL/16 IND: CAR/CHI/PIT/DET/JAX/BUF/TEN/HOU/CLE/SEA/PHI/STL/NE/ATL/24 DIFF: TB/CAR, NYJ/BUF, MIA/TEN, WAS/HOU, BAL/CLE, AZ/STL, DEN/NE N.Y. Jets (Gert T 2-1) defeated by Buffalo (Bob Barron 2-1) 6-8 NYJ: CAR/CHI/CIN/DET/JAX/BUF/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/STL/NE/ATL/14 BUF: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/IND/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/NYG/PHI/STL/DEN/NO/17 DIFF: DET/GB, JAX/IND, BUF/NYJ, SEA/NYG, NE/DEN, ATL/NO, 14/17 Tennessee (Cuban Linx 1-2) defeated Miami (Spaceman Spiff 1-2) 8-7 TENN: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/NYJ/TEN/HOU/BAL/SEA/PHI/STL/NE/ATL/13 MIA: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/BUF/TEN/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/ATL/24 DIFF: NYJ/BUF, HOU/WAS, STL/AZ Washington (Human Fly 2-1) defeated by Houston (Bored 1-2) 7-7+TB Fly predicted 19 points. Washington scored 31. Difference: 12. Bored predicted 16 points. Houston scored 15. Difference: 1. WAS: CAR CHI/CIN/DET/JAX/NYJ/TEN/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/ATL/19 HOU: TB/MIN/PIT/GB/JAX/BUF/TEN/HOU/CLE/SEA/SF/AZ/NE/ATL/16 DIFF: CAR/TB, CHI/MIN, CIN/PIT, DET/GB, NYJ/BUF, WAS/HOU, BAL/CLE, PHI/SF, 19/16 Baltimore (King PK 1-2) defeated by Cleveland (SFA Jack 3-0) 6-7 BAL: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/BUF/MIA/WAS/BAL/NYG/PHI/AZ/NE/NO/28 CLE: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/IND/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/DEN/ATL/10 DIFF: JAX/IND, BUF/NYJ, NYG/SEA, NE/DEN, NO/ATL N.Y. Giants (Cartman 1-2) defeated Seattle (C Dubya 1-2) 6-6+TB Cartman predicted 18 points. NY scored 30. Difference: 12. Dubya predicted 21 points. Seattle scored 42. Difference: 21 NYG: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/BUF/MIA/HOU/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/NO/18 SEA: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/IND/NYJ/TEN/HOU/BAL/NYG/PHI/STL/NE/ATL/21 DIFF: JAX/IND, BUF/NYJ, MIA/TEN, SEA/NYG, AZ/STL, NO/ATL, 18/21 Philadelphia (HarleyQuinn 3-0) defeated San Francisco (Lightning Flik 1-2) 10-9 PHI: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/NYJ/TEN/WAS/CLE/NYG/PHI/STL/DEN/ATL/27 SF: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/JAX/NYJ/TEN/WAS/CLE/SEA/SF/AZ/DEN/ATL/27 DIFF: NYG/SEA, PHI/SF, STL/ATL St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 1-2) defeated by Arizona (Vern Gagne 2-1) 7-10 STL: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/IND/BUF/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/STL/DEN/ATL/22 AZ: CAR/MIN/CIN/DET/JAX/BUF/TEN/WAS/CLE/SEA/PHI/AZ/DEN/NO/23 DIFF: CHI/MIN, GB/DET, IND/JAX, MIA/TEN, BAL/CLE, STL/AZ, ATL/NO Denver (Canadian Chris 1-2) defeated New England (nl-asshole 0-3) 7-5 DEN: CAR/CHI/CIN/GB/IND/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/STL/NE/ATL/17 NE: CAR CHI/CIN/DET/JAX/BUF/TEN/HOU/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/ATL/27 DIFF: GB/DET, IND/JAX, NYJ/BUF, MIA/TEN, WAS/HOU, STL/AZ, 17/27 Atlanta (King of the 909 3-0) defeated New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 1-2) 8-6 ATL: CAR/MIN/CIN/GB/JAX/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/ATL/27 NO: CAR/CHI/PIT/GB/IND/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/NYG/PHI/AZ/DEN/NO/21 DIFF: MIN/CHI, CIN/PIT, JAX/IND, SEA/NYG, NE/DEN, ATL/NO, 27/21 Open date: Dallas (Hawk34 1-1), Kansas City (Alfdogg 1-1), Oakland (Smues 2-0), San Diego (Porter 1-1)

AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 2-1 < PF: 24, PA: 23, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 2-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 2-1 < PF: 26, PA: 22, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-1 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 1-2 < PF: 26, PA: 27, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 0-3 < PF: 17, PA: 24, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-2 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 3-0 < PF: 25, PA: 22, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 2-0 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 2-1 < PF: 23, PA: 24, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 26, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 1-2 < PF: 23, PA: 27, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 2-1 < PF: 26, PA: 23, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 1-0 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 2-1 < PF: 27, PA: 22, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-1 > Houston Texans (Bored) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 26, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 0-1 > Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 1-2 < PF: 22, PA: 25, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-0 > AFC WEST Oakland Raiders (Smues) 2-0 < PF: 23, PA: 18, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 1-1 < PF: 20, PA: 17, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 1-1 < PF: 18, PA: 17, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 26, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 3-0 < PF: 28, PA: 24, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-0 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 2-1 < PF: 23, PA: 21, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-0 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 1-1 < PF: 16, PA: 16, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 1-2 < PF: 19, PA: 26, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC NORTH Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 2-1 < PF: 24, PA: 20, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-0 > Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 2-1 < PF: 23, PA: 25, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-1 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 2-1 < PF: 26, PA: 22, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-0 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 0-3 < PF: 18, PA: 26, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 0-3 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 3-0 < PF: 30, PA: 24, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 3-0, DIV: 3-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 27, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-1 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 23, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 0-1 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 0-3 < PF: 24, PA: 28, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 0-2 > NFC WEST Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 2-1 < PF: 26, PA: 18, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-1 > Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya) 1-2 < PF: 22, PA: 23, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-0 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 1-2 < PF: 21, PA: 27, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-1 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 26, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 0-2 >

2nd if she's passed out during the deed.

What I loved about NBC's intro into their NBA games was that even after Jordan retired for the first time, they still showed him playing during that opening montage.

So did you stick her yet?

You won.

Don't worry, CWM. I'm still here.

Leftovers don't last long in my house, but mold usually tells me it's time to let go.

I had no idea JB moved to CBS. When I tuned into Week 1 and saw that Fox pre-game show, I could only take about three minutes of that shit. NBC is still too early to fully judge, although I'm a Bob Costas fan. CBS is fine for what it is. ESPN, well, I don't think I need to elaborate anymore on my feelings toward this bunch.

• So on the drive home from work today, I noticed the better half had her engagement ring back on her finger. No, we didn’t get into a fight or anything like that (well, at least none that have recently drawn blood). She had a cut on her ring finger and this ring was constantly rubbing up against it, making the boo-boo worse. Because of this, for a week or two she just had her wedding band on while the wound healed. Because women bitch about their men not noticing anything that they do to themselves, I tried to pretend like I actually cared about this particular subject and said, “I see you have your ring back on again.” Her reply: “It’s been on for more than a week now; thanks for noticing.” Now this is usually the part of the conversation where she tastes my knuckles thanks to a devastating right cross, but instead I just said, “Well that’s because I’m always too busy looking at your tits.” I got the Glare of Doom for that one. And here I thought chicks liked to be complimented on their physical appearances. No wonder men and women will never truly understand each other. • Boy oh boy RIGHT-WING RADIO sure has had a field day with that Although there are plenty of funny moments, one of my favorite lines is this: Eight months? LOL – you had EIGHT FUCKING YEARS! Now, for as right-wing as I am, there are two things I routinely defend Clinton on (and one of them sure as hell isn’t his choice of spouses). The first is that alleged Juanita Broderick rape. Sorry, but to bring these kinds of allegations up 30 years after the fact is something I don’t care to bother myself with. The second is saying, “OMG Bill Clinton caused 9/11 by not doing anything during his administration to fight terrorism.” I’m just not going to go there; 9/11 was something that never happened before on U.S. soil and it took all of us by surprise. Sure we probably could have done more in hopes of stopping these terrorist attacks, but could you imagine the shit-fits that would have sprouted had we tried to, for example, implement current airport-screening measures back then? I even give Clinton a pass with the “he could have killed Laden but didn’t,” accusation. I’m sure if he would have lobbed a few rockets at a place intelligence reports claimed that Osama was at and the artillery ended up blowing up, say, an aspirin factory or a Chinese embassy building, there would have been a shitstorm that not even the cBS evening news could have spun in Clinton’s favor (although they certainly would have tried their best), and Bubba’s critics would have been all over him like spooge on a blue dress. There are times when I think back and wonder if perhaps Clinton wasn’t all that bad a guy, and then it’s stuff like this interview that makes me remember why I voted for Bob Dole in ’96 – well, that and the fact Rush told me to. And while I’m on this topic, I wonder if Rick Lazio would have acted toward Hitlery in their Senate debate years ago in the same fashion Bill acted toward Chris Wallace the other day if the former Congressman would have ended up in Fort Marcy Park with a bullet in the back of his head from an apparent “suicide”? • Here’s an update on that poor guy who got the shaft, literally. (Background information from my 6/24 entry.)

Atlanta (King of the 909 3-0) defeated New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 1-2) ATL: CAR/MIN/CIN/GB/JAX/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/SEA/PHI/AZ/NE/ATL/27 NO: CAR/CHI/PIT/GB/IND/NYJ/MIA/WAS/BAL/NYG/PHI/AZ/DEN/NO/21 DIFF: MIN/CHI, CIN/PIT, JAX/IND, SEA/NYG, NE/DEN, ATL/NO, 27/21

• Yesterday I had a headache, but today was even better. I was at the office from 7 a.m.-3:30 p.m., which is the second consecutive weekend I have come in to work (last Saturday was one of those times, too). Like I have said before, even though the idea of putting in extra time seems like a real chore, I actually revel in it – that is once I drag myself out of bed, shower and drive in to work. Not only do I not have to worry about my idiot bosses or annoying co-workers, but also I get to wear shorts and skip shaving. Besides, thanks to these past two weekends, that four-day mini-vacation coming up on October 6 is looking pretty good. (Provided I stay around that long, but that’s another story for another time; I don’t like putting the cart in front of the horse.) The biggest question facing me today was when I should leave for home. You see, the Steelers were playing in Shittsburgh today, and my drive home would be greatly affected by post-game traffic if I left work too late. I had been paying attention with how the Steelers were faring in their game against the Bengals, and as 3:30 p.m. approached, I was feeling confident that the fans would stay until the game concluded sometime around 4 p.m. After all, the Steelers were ahead – what reason could people have to leave early? Oh, how about the two touchdowns scored off of stupid turnovers that put Cincinnati up 28-17 with nine minutes to go in the fourth quarter? When this dramatic turnaround happened, I got the hell out of there, fearing the gridlock I might be facing if I stayed later. Fortunately, the Steelers had a decent drive shortly after these two Bengal touchdowns and kicked a field goal, putting them within eight points of tying the game. Thanks to the Steelers keeping the game close, I had a smooth commute home. Despite this brief fear of possibly being surrounded by drunk, angry Steeler motorists on the way home from a divisional loss, this Sunday was much less eventful than last week’s, when the better half got into it with our neighbors. Let me set the scene. It was around 8:30 p.m. and Mrs. kkk was in the cat’s room cleaning out their drinking fountain (we call this the “kids’ room” because this is where their food, water and two of their four litter boxes are placed). Suddenly, there was a lot of commotion coming from outside. For those that remember, our neighbors with the dog that won’t shut up apparently got free from her leash and was running around the neighborhood, stirring up every other canine that lives on our street. Some people were shouting at the top of their lungs for this dog to return home. As the better half looked out the one window to see what the hell was going on, the neighbor’s wife started yelling at her and said, “If you want a show, I’ll give you a show,” and pulled up her shirt. She then gave Mrs. kkk the finger. This should have some interesting developments down the road. • So a few nights ago I decided to play on-line poker for money. I went to one place, plucked down $50 and went to work. It’s weird that when you’re not playing for fake chips and instead using actual money that you earned those 2-8 off-suite hands don’t look as appealing as they once did. I spent about 5 minutes folding before I got my first winning hand, 6-6. I then started to bluff, raise and call my way to increasing my bank account by a whopping $18 – hey, when you’re playing 50-cent/$1 blinds, you can’t expect to start raking in the six-figure jackpots right away. So with a $50 deposit, I expanded my poker empire to a whopping $68. I was on a hot streak, baby. Nothing could stop me. That was until I went to a table where the people actually knew what they were doing. Five minutes and several hands later my $68 turned to $39; that’s when I knew it was time to take my ball and go home for the night. I still have no clue as to what I’m doing, and I really don’t care either. Just let me have my fun. • There’s this show on the TLC channel about this family from Arkansas with 16 kids. I thought I couldn’t see anything worse than that until tonight when TLC aired a show featuring a guy with three wives. Jesus Christ, one is bad enough – but three?! Boy did the redneck stereotypes flow freely throughout this bunch. I can’t wait to see how the six or so kids who live in this house turn out (although I think a compound would be a more accurate description of their living residence).

You'll have to get through me first. I have no idea who I'm picking so when I'm looking at the scoreboard, I have to come back here and see who I should be wanting to win.

I must have slept in an awkward position last night because I woke up early this morning with one of those nagging headaches. You know, the kind that isn’t quite up to “throbbing” status, but yet it is persistent enough to make you feel like doing nothing – and even when you are doing nothing, it is not as fun as it should be because you have that little pounding going on up there in your cranium (sort of like what you are experiencing right now reading this entry). Since I couldn’t go back to sleep, I began some channel surfing. It’s always interesting to do this once in a while during a part of the day when you are not normally accustomed to watching television; I guess it is a chance to see what those people that are usually up with nothing to do in the wee-hours of the morning have at their disposal for entertainment. As a kid I always used to love staying up late on Sunday nights when I didn’t have to go to school Monday. I don’t know why; the night just seemed so … different. Oh well. While going through various channels, I came across some profile story of Kathie Lee Gifford. I never had a problem with this chick, but then again I never watched her show with Regis. I’m sure reading my stories about the better half and the cats are annoying enough; I’d imagine having to hear about someone’s two kids on a daily basis would be worse. Still though, I’m not going to badmouth her. The only thing that disturbed me during this show was when she said that a person once called and asked her to make a CD filled with inspirational songs. Her response to this guy was that she would “pray on it,” and then she actually did so. Pray on it? Whenever someone says shit like that I get a little scared. I mean, what exactly do you do when you pray on something like this? “Uh, hi, God. I know you’re up there doing your thing – starting hurricanes, bringing life into this world, waiting for Allah to raise his pocket aces (boy is he going to be mad when you bust out your queen-high straight; and she isn't even wearing a burka), but I was wondering if you could help me out in this bind. No, I’m not asking for your assistance with a cancer-stricken family member. I’m also not wishing you to give me the resolve to leave my cheating scumbag husband. The reason I’m calling you today is because this guy wants me to sing on this album that will undoubtedly be popular with Middle America and bring in a bunch of money. What should I do?” Yeesh. After watching this show I flipped through a few more channels and came across this A&E Biography on the "Brady Bunch" television show. Why in the hell did I watch this? Oh, I know: to learn that Cousin Oliver did the voice of Michelangelo in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I haven’t seen the sequels, but I really liked the first movie. In fact, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” was one of the few films I watched multiple times in the theater. That and “Weekend at Bernie’s.” (Don’t ask why, because I couldn’t give you an answer.) However, I was a Raphael fan, so I still say fuck Cousin Oliver for single-handedly ruining the “Brady Bunch.” Sure the show was probably crapping out at around this point in the series, but it’s easier, and more fun, to put all of the blame on some kid with glasses and a bowl haircut. Speaking of the “Brady Bunch,” years ago I remember Eve Plumb, the chick who played Jan, on a talk show, and when taking questions from the audience some girl asked Eve if she could do her infamous “Marsha Marsha Marsha” line. Wow, was Eve an asshole to that audience member. Her reply went something like, “Why don’t you just say it again since you obviously know how it goes.” Eve then started pimping her hippie artwork. Listen here, bitch, I get that you are probably sick of people you’ve never seen before approaching you and asking you to do a line or two from your years as Jan Brady, but that’s part of the deal you signed up for all those years ago while your 15 minutes of fame were ticking away. And now you want us to buy your shitty paintings. What you should have done during this talk show is mention how it’s been decades since your “Brady Bunch” stint and that you are always asked to say lines from this brief period of your life, adding how tiresome this can get at times. Then look at that audience member, give a wink and simply say those three repeated words your fans want to hear. Maybe then you would have been able to sell off some of your retarded art. Side note: the actor who played Oliver is also born on the same day I was, just 12 years earlier. Weird. My final stop on the channel surfing express came when I stumbled across C-Span’s “Washington Journal.” The reason I stopped here was because something caught my eye – it was the contact information listed at the bottom of the screen telling you what phone numbers to call to get on the show. During the Clinton Administration, C-Span started this gay policy where if you were a certain ideology you had to call a certain number to comment on the air. (RIGHT-WING MEDIA said this was because too many callers were getting through ragging on Bill Clinton.) Well, now the numbers are still segregated, but instead of “Democrats,” “Republicans,” and “Independents,” the phone numbers they had listed were “If you support Democrats,” “If you support the President,” and “Independents.” What about Republicans who don’t support the President? OMG MAINSTREAMLIBERALBIAS! I have no idea when this new phone number listing started. (I can't remember the last time I watched this show for more than three minutes.) The real reason I wanted to bring up “Washington Journal” is to reminisce about my all-time favorite moment on this show. Years ago when Newt Gingrich was still Speaker of the House, C-Span had this reporter on talking about some political issue of the day. This lady was obviously a liberal and had that holier-than-thou smugness many journalists have when covering politics; that kind of sideline jeering that no matter what a politician does it is the wrong decision and children will die. Anyway, this lady had something wrong with her teeth; I can't remember if she was wearing braces or if there was some wiring around her mouth, but it was obvious that she had spent quite a bit of time at a dentist’s office. This prompted an old lady to call in and berate this journalist for saying mean things about Newt. The caller then made a remark about this journalist’s teeth and hung up. In one fell swoop, some 80-year old from a red state shut up both the reporter (she looked like she was about to cry) and the “Washington Journal” host. Were the caller’s remarks mean-spirited? Sure. But they were also funny as hell.

From looking at Cindy in that bio show, I wouldn't want to buy any DVD that reveals anything more than her wrists and ankles. And all I know about the TMNT sequels is that they travel back in time in one of them; that's all I need to know. (Also, isn't Kevin Nash in one of them as Shredder?)

So how many times have you rubbed one out so far?

But rules are meant to be broken.

Non-minors question: Do you think keeping Abreu would have pushed the Phillies into the postseason?

I've learned to stay away from a few folders here while at the job.

Once I was at a Kroger and helping the retard wearing the helmet bag my groceries. Some manager came running up and told me not to do this. I asked why and he said because upper management didn't want customers bagging. I said that I did this because if I were a customer waiting in line I'd want this line to move as fast as possible and if that involved the customer being waiting on helping out rather than just standing there like a lump then so be it. He said something back that I can't remember, to which I replied, in a somewhat sarcastic manner, "Well I'm the customer and we're always supposed to be right, so let me help bag my order."

Resolved.

Since it’s Friday and I don't feel motivated to think of something original to write, what better time than to give my Week 3 Pickkks? (3.5) Carolina at Tampa Bay Both teams are under-achieving in the early part of this season. Both teams are also winless. I’ll go with Carolina because they had a chance to win last week’s game and lost in overtime. (3.5) Chicago at Minnesota A battle of undefeated NFC North teams, I’m tempted to go with Minnesota for a third consecutive week. Even though the Bears are being hyped up for impressive wins against not-so-impressive opponents, I also heard Chicago doesn’t play too well at Minnesota. So what will it be? Shit, I don’t know. I’ll say the Bears snap their Metrodome losing streak, and I hope they do so by more than a field goal. Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (1.5) This one should be interesting. I’ll go with the Bengals simply because they’re pissed off, and last year’s contests had the visiting team win. Green Bay at Detroit (6.5) Seriously, who really cares? Since Roy Williams is on my shit list with his inability to back up his guarantees with action, I’m taking the Packers. Jacksonville at Indianapolis (7.5) I like Jacksonville. They’re a tough team and beat the crap out of their opponents. In many ways, they remind me of the Houston Oilers of the 1970s; good enough to win, good enough to make the playoffs, but not good enough to beat the top team in their division. Not like I would know, considering I was three-and-a-half years old when the Steelers beat the Oilers 27-13 the last time they met in an AFC Conference Championship. Will this be the year Jacksonville breaks through and upsets the Colts? Could be. If this were a straight-up pick ‘em I’d go with Indianapolis. But because this is involves point spreads, I’m going with Jacksonville. N.Y. Jets at Buffalo (5.5) Buffalo has been playing tough so far this year, but I’m not sure if they are “tough enough” to have 5.5 points. Then again, these are the Jets. I’ll take Buffalo. Tennessee at Miami (11.5) OK, if Miami can’t win this game then they are in a world of hurt. They should win, but not by a large enough score to cover the spread. (3.5) Washington at Houston Like Miami above, if Washington can’t win this week then my prediction of them winning the NFC East will look quite foolish. I’ll take Washington, but you know what always happens when you trust those in D.C. do to anything right. (7.5) Baltimore at Cleveland Will Baltimore keep their hot streak going? I’ll say sure. N.Y. Giants at Seattle (3.5) Will Emily and her band of big blue brothers bamboozle the Pacific powerhouse predators? I hope not, and maybe my picking Seattle might tilt the odds a little bit toward Seattle’s favor. (6.5) Philadelphia at San Francisco Philly is going to take out last week’s meltdown on the 49ers. St. Louis at Arizona (4.5) St. Louis beat Denver in Week 1 and lost to San Francisco in Week 2. Arizona beat San Francisco in Week 1, so I’ll say they’ll beat the Rams. Denver at New England (6.5) Denver has been playing like crap so far, and I’m sure the Pats want to avenge last season’s playoff loss. (3.5) Atlanta at New Orleans New Orleans is 2-0 and going back to the Superdome. Will this give them enough mojo for a home win? Nah. Atlanta is in the Deep South, too. What this has to do with winning football games, I don’t know.