kkktookmybabyaway

So what would you be doing -- showing people where the K-Y is?

I don't think you need three days. When the better half and I went we spent all day and got on just about every ride once. We were going to do the water park on the second day, but we were so sunburnt and blistered we just went home.

If you're talking about the Six Flags near the Ohio/PA line, it has been sold and is something else (still theme park-based, though). In fact, I heard it's gotten better. If memory serves, there used to be a Seaworld and a water park called Geauga Lake. Six Flags bought both places and (from what I heard) turned it to shit. I think the Geauga Lake people bought the land again, but I haven't been over to those places in years. Cedar Point is great; by far my favorite theme park. Kennywood is good, too, especially if you're into history and all that other shit. They are planning on an expansion, but God only knows what that will take place.

Now you're going into my territory, and we don't take kindly to your types around here.

Regarding the Steelers, a number of starters, especially Hines Ward, are getting the injury bug already. And today I saw on ESPN's bottom-of-the-screen scrawl that some running back from the Colts is out for the year -- was this a back expected to help pick up the slack from James' departure?

This stuff just writes itself. Bwahahahahaha. Man, I don’t know where to begin with this. Earlier today I was flipping channels because the usual NFL Live/Jim Rome/Around the Horn lineup I watch while exercising was canned due to those brats in Williamsport. I came across a Tucker Carlson show on MSNBC. Normally I’d just keep on flipping, but something caught my eye. Was it? Could it be? It was! My n*gga Neal Boortz was on the show commenting on this very subject! And he stole my line of, “Well if the challenges deal with math the Asians have this won.” Bastard. But I digress. Now it's time to play the game that's sweeping the nation. GUESS THAT RACE Because I don’t want to ruin your playing experience, first I’ll just list the names and profiles of this season’s Survivor contestants. Next I will make my guesses as to each person's race and give the reasons for my picks. Finally, I’ll post the answers followed by my reaction to each one. Let’s see how well I do. I’m only going to go through this list one time, and there will be no backtracking or editing of my answers. Reading all the names and doing a process of elimination is for hippies. THE CONTESTANTS: Rebecca Borman, 24, makeup artist, Laurelton, New York. Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi" Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia. Sekou Bunch, 45, jazz musician, Los Angele. J.P. Calderon, 30, pro volleyball player, Marina Del Rey, California. Cristina Coria, 35, police officer, Los Angeles. Stephannie Favor, 35, nursing student, Columbia, South Carolina. Billy Garcia, 36, heavy metal guitarist, New York City. Adam Gentry, 28, copier sales, San Diego. Nathan Gonzalez, 26, retail sales, Los Angeles. Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, real estate agent, Lake Forest, Illinois. Yul Kwon, 31, management consultant, San Mateo, California. Becky Lee, 28, attorney, Washington, D.C.. Oscar "Ozzy" Lusth, 25, waiter, Venice, California. Cecilia Mansilla, 29, technology risk consultant, Oakland. Sundra Oakley, 31, actress, Los Angeles. Jonathan Penner, 44, writer/producer, Los Angeles. Parvati Shallow, 23, boxer/waitress, Los Angeles. Jessica Smith, 27, performance artist/rollergirl, Chico, California. Brad Virata, 29, fashion director, Los Angeles. Candice Woodcock, 23, premed student, Fayetteville, North Carolina. THE GUESSES: Rebecca Borman, 24, makeup artist, Laurelton, New York. A tough one right off the bat. I want to say Asian, but they didn’t say she did nails at the mall. Because of that I’m going with White or Black, but which one? I’m going with White because I don’t visualize many Blacks in a place called Laurelton. Unless she’s light-skinned, which is possible. Shit. I’m going with my first thought and saying Black. Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi" Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia. You got to be fucking kidding me. Asian. Sekou Bunch, 45, jazz musician, Los Angeles. The style of music cinches it for me. Black. J.P. Calderon, 30, pro volleyball player, Marina Del Rey, California. Hard. The “J.P.” it signaling a minority, but pro volleyball? White. Cristina Coria, 35, police officer, Los Angeles. Well I know which person the blacks will throw off the island first. My initial thought was White, but I’m going to go with Hispanic because I’m sensing a swerve here. Stephannie Favor, 35, nursing student, Columbia, South Carolina. Deep South, older nursing student. I’m going to say Black. Billy Garcia, 36, heavy metal guitarist, New York City. Asian. Nah, just kidding. White as rice, err, snow, even with that last name. Wait a second. I’m not a heavy metal guy; I can’t think of many (fuck that, I can’t think of ANY) Hispanic front men, but could they be playing instruments? I’ll still go White. Adam Gentry, 28, copier sales, San Diego. A person in California with a job not picking produce? He ain’t Hispanic. I’ll go with Black because I sense another swerve. My reasoning? Copier sales = rappers copy other people’s music. Close enough. Nathan Gonzalez, 26, retail sales, Los Angeles. Hispanic. I feel bad for his boss who is trying to figure out why there’s a high rate of theft at the store. Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, real estate agent, Lake Forest, Illinois. Asian, although the feminazi hyphenated last name is drawing a red flag. On second thought, I’m going Hispanic. Another good front. They sell the house to a family, then clean them out after they move in. No. Hispanics work in slaughterhouses in Illinois. Asian it is. Yul Kwon, 31, management consultant, San Mateo, California. They’re not even trying with this one. Asian. Becky Lee, 28, attorney, Washington, D.C. Eww. You got the “Becky” for white and the “Lee” for Asian. Shit. I see more White chick attorneys than Asian. I’m playing the numbers on this one. Oscar "Ozzy" Lusth, 25, waiter, Venice, California. I don’t know many blacks with the nickname “Ozzy,” although I’m skeptic at a White guy being a waiter in California. He might be a pseudo-actor though. Sorry Hispanics, I’m going White here. Cecilia Mansilla, 29, technology risk consultant, Oakland. I’m glad I went White above, because I’m going Hispanic here. Sundra Oakley, 31, actress, Los Angeles. Charles Oakley was black, and a damn good rebounder, too. Sundra sounds like the Sudan, so I’m going Black. Jonathan Penner, 44, writer/producer, Los Angeles. “Pen”er and a writer? Only a White guy would be that lame. Parvati Shallow, 23, boxer/waitress, Los Angeles. If it were a kick-boxer I’d go Asian, but the fact she is a waitress makes me guess Hispanic. Jessica Smith, 27, performance artist/rollergirl, Chico, California. I don’t need to comment on this one. Do I? White. This only thing of color in this profile is the name of the city. Brad Virata, 29, fashion director, Los Angeles. Crap. I don’t know. I’m going to say Hispanic just because. I do know that whatever race this guy ends up being, he’s gay. Candice Woodcock, 23, premed student, Fayetteville, North Carolina. The better half knew a Black chick studying for a Masters/Ph.D. during her time in grad school who had the same first name as Ms. Woodcock, so I’m not falling for the “premed” trap on this one. THE ANSWERS: The proof. Rebecca Borman, 24, makeup artist, Laurelton, New York. Black. 1 for 1. I was right on with this one. Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi" Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia. Asian. 2 for 2. This one shouldn’t even count. Sekou Bunch, 45, jazz musician, Los Angeles. Black 3 for 3. That first name and the choice of music was just too much for me not to pass up. J.P. Calderon, 30, pro volleyball player, Marina Del Rey, California. Hispanic. 3 for 4. Even with this mistake, I know Al Keiper would still give me a good win-share figure. Cristina Coria, 35, police officer, Los Angeles. Hispanic. 4 for 5. Ha. I knew it. Stephannie Favor, 35, nursing student, Columbia, South Carolina. Black. 5 for 6. OK, now I’m starting to scare myself. Billy Garcia, 36, heavy metal guitarist, New York City. Hispanic. 5 for 7. Damn. I should have went with the name over the profession on this one. Adam Gentry, 28, copier sales, San Diego. White. 5 for 8. I missed the boat on this one, but these California contestants could go any way. Nathan Gonzalez, 26, retail sales, Los Angeles. Black. 5 for 9. Like I said above about Adam. Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, real estate agent, Lake Forest, Illinois. Asian. 6 for 10. Whew. That was a close one. Yul Kwon, 31, management consultant, San Mateo, California. Asian. 7 for 11. Next. Say, with my current score, how come India or the Middle East aren’t being represented in this season of Survivor? Becky Lee, 28, attorney, Washington, D.C. Asian. 7 for 12. Shucks. If I watched more Alley McBeal I might have gotten this one right. Oh well, I’ll take the wrong answer over watching that show any day. Oscar "Ozzy" Lusth, 25, waiter, Venice, California. Hispanic. 7 for 13. I hate these California entries. Cecilia Mansilla, 29, technology risk consultant, Oakland. Hispanic. 8 for 14. I went with the name over the job and am glad for it. Sundra Oakley, 31, actress, Los Angeles. Black. 9 for 15. Yeppers. Jonathan Penner, 44, writer/producer, Los Angeles. White. 10 for 16. I know my own people too well. Parvati Shallow, 23, boxer/waitress, Los Angeles. White. 10 for 17. Well maybe I don’t know my own people all that well. I forgot about Million Dollar Baby. Jessica Smith, 27, performance artist/rollergirl, Chico, California. White. 11 for 18 Even if she wasn’t part of “your own people” you had to get this one right. Brad Virata, 29, fashion director, Los Angeles. Asian. 11 for 19 The hell? I just guessed on this one anyway. Candice Woodcock, 23, premed student, Fayetteville, North Carolina. White. 11 for 20 That last name sounded WASP-y, but I was going with personal experience. Looks like I need to broaden my horizons. FINAL SCORE: 55 percent. Well there you go. No matter which race becomes the ultimate Survivor, the true winners in this competition are the Jews in charge of this show.

• Well I’m offended. Shittsburgh’s mayor was recently diagnosed with several brain tumors and has been seeking treatment for his condition. No, that’s not what got my panties in a bunch. It’s that today a public prayer vigil was held from 11 a.m. to noon. On city property. OMG CALL THE ACLU! Where’s The Fascist Barry Lynn to tear shit up when you really need him? What a travesty. There could have been a little atheist walking by this public display of religious activity, and he or she could have been offended by what I had only thought went on in red states. I certainly hope the ACLU does something about this; at the very least they better write a scolding letter to the city threatening legal action if this sort of thing should ever happen again. • This story cracks me up. Now these coaches who ordered the intentional walk are going to be vilified more in the press than Hezbollah. I think there are more important things in life than having your pee-wee squad winning some hippie championship, but so what if the weaker hitter was a cancer survivor? Would this story become a nation-wide topic if this kid were just naturally not athletic? Fuck that. If you are going to put a kid like this behind your team’s best hitter, even at the 9-year-old level, then you run the risk of having some win-at-all-costs manager on the other team willing to take advantage of this situation. The only thing I would see “wrong” with this story would be if not allowing intentional walks was an “unwritten” rule or something in this league. If that was the case, then that manager who issued the intentional walk pulled a bitch move; otherwise, all is fair in baseball. If you want to complain that the opposing manager issued an intentional walk of a team’s best player to get to a weaker hitter in a crucial game situation involving grade-school kids, that’s fine. But don’t play up the “cancer” angle because that won’t score any points (not to mention runs) with me.

I think it had something to do with it was hard enough for the pitchers to throw strikes so they didn't want batters to just stand there and expect a walk. I remember a few times I'd had a 2-0/3-0 count, realized the umpire was going to call a strike on a pitch I didn't swing at, and try to swing "late." Never worked. I probably earned a negative win-share for that season. Also keep in mind I played a season of baseball where the coaches pitched to you and another season in the league above the "coaches pitching" one where the other team threw at you, and for these kids it was their first time actually pitching the ball. This wasn't Division I-A All-Prep here.

Sorry, but I haven't heard anything about whether or not the winning manager had his players show up to the game in light-colored uniforms. And the league may have had some rules regarding this; I just don't know. I remember in my one league if you didn't swing at a called strike your "ball" count went back to zero. Example, if the count was 3 balls, 0 strikes and I didn't swing at a pitch in the strike zone, my count would then be 0 balls, 1 strike. I'm not sure if other little leagues do this, but I always HATED that rule seeing how the only way I could get on base was either via walk or getting hit by a pitch.

I went into Hustler Hollywood once and that was enough for me. You going to wear those tight, black flashy pants?

Yesterday I gave my uninformed predictions about the AFC. Now it’s time to do the same with the NFC. NFC EAST I’ve been hearing about how this may be the toughest division in football. Is it? I have no idea. However, I know this will be the most entertaining division in football, especially with the ESPN crowd rushing to Donovan McNabb’s defense every time he throws an interception. I can hear Chris Berman blaming Terrell Owens already for all of McNabb’s problems. Anyway, I think Philly will finish in last place, followed by Emily Manning and the Giants. Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will. Having said that, he’ll probably rush for 2,000 yards, which if that’s the case and my predictions are that off base, I hope Emily passes for 5,000 yards and wins the Super Bowl MVP award. I’ll give Washington the nod to win the division with the Cowboys coming in a close second. NFC NORTH Oh my God what a pathetic division. I feel for the Vikings in a way because this preseason has gone to shit for them, what with their top pick out with an ACL injury and that Robinson guy getting busted for drunk driving. If the Bears don’t win this division then they have no business being in the NFL. I’ll put Minnesota at number two because, despite all the stuff that’s happened to this team over the past year or so, they are still in a division with Detroit and Green Bay. Speaking of which, I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12? NFC SOUTH I’ve liked what the Carolina Panthers have done over the past few years, and I’m predicting them to finish first once again. The Bucs will come in second, followed by the Falcons. While I’m on the subject of Atlanta, I don’t understand why some coaches feel it necessary to try and make scrambling quarterbacks into pocket passers. Let them do their thing, and if they have to retire a few years early so be it. I remember back when the Philadelphia Eagles tried to harness Randall Cunningham; what happened to their franchise quarterback? He got hurt in the pocket. New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose. The only difference is I’ll probably get sick of the Bush/Mario Williams comparisons by Week 4. NFC WEST No wonder Seattle always goes to the playoffs – look at this division. Spot any team six wins and they’ll get a wild-card entry at the very least. I got the Rams coming in second, even though I have no idea who is on that team. I’m sick of hearing each year how the Cardinals are a “sleeper pick” with all those wide receivers. You know why they have such good receiving stats? They’re always playing catch-up. You don't go three yards and a cloud of dust when you're trailing by 20 points by halftime. The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.

Here are the parameters. I have put no research into how I think all 32 teams will fare this year. It's the NFL: who the hell knows what will happen. I've heard a few headlines dealing with team issues, but other than that I have no clue who went where in the off-season. So with that in mind, let the predictions begin. AFC EAST Miami played well in the second half of last season, and many people are talking about this being the year for them to take the division. That is certainly possible, what with the free-agent losses the Pats faced in the off-season. However, I usually go by the rule of putting the champ on top until they get de-throned, and I will do so with the Patriots. I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because. AFC NORTH I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year. I have Shittsburgh up at the top for the same reason I have New England winning the AFC North. (EDIT: haha PK. Faggot.) For the last few years I've been hearing about how dangerous Baltimore can be, and this year I'm actually taking this hype somewhat seriously with McNair coming over from the Titans. I hear Cincinnati has a tough schedule, and with Palmer's health issues along with the off-season troubles some of their players have been experiencing, I have to put them at third. Cleveland is in last place because, well, it's Cleveland. AFC SOUTH Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them. Jacksonville is a nice second-place team. I'm pulling for Houston because I'm already tired of the OMG THEY DIDN'T DRAFT REGGIE BUSH LOL MARIO WILLIAMS ONE-AND-A-HALF-TACKLES talk. I have no idea what's going on with Tennessee, although I think it's funny they have LenDale White and Vince Young on the same roster. AFC WEST Much like the AFC North, I have no idea what's going to happen here. Oakland is in last place because they are in a division with three good teams. San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback. Kansas City is in second place because I like their running game and that defense has to be better than previous years. I have Denver in first just because I've been hearing too much hype about the Chiefs being the "surprise" team of the league, which really isn't much of a surprise considering they just missed the playoffs with a 10-6 record last year. Preseason hype tends to shoot up a red flag for me. That's all for the AFC. Tomorrow I will evaluate the NFC for a minute or two with my uninformed opinions.

Seeing how this is a Madden thread, I'm hoping my fellow brethern might help me out on this question: I have the Madden '05 collector's edition. Would I be able to import a NCAA '05 draft class? I don't know if this feature works for this collector's edtion and I can't find information on this anywhere.

That's what Steeler fans thought when the team lost to the Chargers in the '94-'95 season. They went to Super Bowl the next year. Although they lost to the Cowboys, they still managed to get there.

You didn't save any of your income? And sell some of that stuff and go to the dentist if you're really in that much pain.

Now that's something you don't hear everyday.

You have no dental insurance but yet were able to buy all that shit in the picture?

So, Vamp, what team are you coaching?

True. Every time they got knocked up I left.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 61: 2Gold I don’t know why I like this guy, but I just do. He just seems … there. Hell, even Kotz likes him, and it’s in a non-sexual matter, too. Let’s see, he plays Madden video games, remembers that Tom Hanks movie about Dungeons & Dragons and doesn't mind buying tampons or care about being in threesomes. Now that's apathy. And now a word or six from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From Lovecraft: From The Real World's Champion: From Porter: From Black Lushus: From Carnival: From Cancer Marney: • So I went into the office today due to the fact I’d rather work alone without any distractions and take a weekday off – it’s like a buy-one-get-one-free in regards to being away from co-workers. Anyway, on my way home I was taking this one interstate that is pretty empty on the weekends. This wasn’t one of those times. As I was wondering which idiot crashed their SUV into someone else’s vehicle, I noticed that a passenger in the car behind me was waving a Terrible Towel. It was then I realized that the Steelers were playing a home game tonight. Shit. On the bright side, at least it’s a preseason game, so the drunken idiots won’t be out in full force as they would be come September. Fortunately, I was driving right as the Steeler gridlock was beginning to form. As I was driving outbound on another interstate, I saw inbound traffic backed up for at least several miles. Yet another reason why I don’t go to football games. I remember my old man taking me to some Steeler preseason games back in the 1980s when I was a kid, and I think my disdain for attending football games began here. Every time a pass was thrown people around me would stand up and I couldn’t see a damn thing. The only two regular-season games I remember attending was a home opener against the Chiefs one year, which I think was Jack Lambert final game. All I remember about that game was some guy being helped off the field and the Steelers losing. My more recent memory was a better experience. It was a 1993 Monday Night Football game against the Buffalo Bills. My one friend’s dad had tickets for this game, and they brought me along. If memory serves, the Steelers put a whooping on the Bills, something like 24-3. The best moment came late in the game when I had my binoculars focused on Bills wide receiver Don Beebe, who made a pretty impressive catch, only to get smashed by a Steelers defenseman. In a split second, I saw this guy in a white uniform suddenly disappear from my sight only to be replaced by a black and gold blue. I had to put my binoculars down to see how far Beebe got moved, and I think he ended up somewhere out of bounds. Either way, it was a vicious hit. Oh, another football moment came when I was a kid. It was some preseason game with my old man during the 1980s, and there was stop in the game for something or other. I looked at my dad and asked him “Where are the commercials?” How do I know that this happened? He reminds me of this every other time he talks to me. • So those bastards at Citi pissed me off today. I have a Dividend card that gives me cash back – 5 percent for all grocery, gas and drug store purchases, 1 percent for everything else. Now I get a letter saying that starting in October my cash back for grocery, gas and drug stores will be 2 percent. But wait, I’ll be able to get 2 percent for all utility bills I put on my Citi card. Bastards. And why did they do this? Because, the letter claimed, they were doing what their customers wanted them to do. Yeah, right. Faggots. • This is why I don’t donate money to political causes. I just saw a Rick Santorum television ad where he’s in some senior polka center talking about all the great things he does for old people. Who comes up with this shit? Oh well, at least it looks like he combed his hair in this ad, so that’s a plus. Gag. Now Ed Rendell is airing an ad. Go to hell you asshole. He’s bragging about not raising taxes this year – what about the previous years of your administration you piece of shit. Both of these ads were aired during the first half of the Steelers game against the Vikings. I guess focus groups indicate Steeler fans are stupid and will fall for these things. Now that’s a newsflash.

Al, that's part of the advantage of being an incumbent. That and having the ability to show up at places with grants and shit during election season. I think it's funny Fast Eddie would tout the advantages of visiting Shittsburgh, considering he never did so during his first term. You gotta respect someone who has the stones to pull that off. And Lynn needs to get his ass in gear, but I fear it won't do much good now. I feel Pennsylvania is getting swallowed up by those other Northeast blue states.

Wow. That unborn fetus inside of her sure is a fattie.

• So a day or so ago I was chatting with one of my AIM peeps, and he mentioned that IWC writer Rick Scaia (is he still around?) has his own Wikipedia entry. For reasons unbeknownst to me I decided to head over and check this out for myself. I wonder who wrote this entry? Curious to see if any other Internet Wrestling Reporters have their own little slice of Wikipedia, I decided to see who hit the big-time. Dave Scheer. Nothing. Bob Ryder. Nothing. (That "Ryder Report" ain't what you think.) Scott Keith. Something. Wade Keller. Something. Dave Meltzer. Something. Wrestlecrap. Something. The Shooters. Nothing. That’s about all I remember from my rasslin’ days. Oh, there was also Mark Madden. He had his own entry, too, but I was more interested in other parts of his Wikipedia references. Hmm, I detect a pattern. Actually, I cut out the rest of the WTAE part of this entry, which went on to say he is a guest on "Action Sports Sunday" on WTAE-TV, a half-hour sports discussion show. What I really found funny was that the Shittsburgh City Paper dropped him for "questionable taste," considering this publication is one of those urban papers that you have give away for free. And what does being an Internet Wrestling Celebrity and having your own Wikipedia entry mean? I have no clue. • Sure animal-rights people will bitch about a pig having to die just so some psycho can hold and cut it up all in the name of “art” instead of putting the carcass to good use – like say, making some hickory-smoked bacon out of it. However, what’s even more appalling to me is that this exhibit was taxpayer funded. Oh well, at least it’s the Brits getting screwed over this time and not Americans. And at least the “artist” will be showing her tits. That's got to count for something, right? • My new hero. Remember, this guy is a so-called CIVIL RIGHTS leader: Now lets see if Mr. Young gets made fun of by some comedians posing as Bo-Sox radio announcers.

What did he say?

I wonder if he will keep the bigger one?