kkktookmybabyaway

Did I say "hippie"? I meant "most dominant control pitcher of our era." Still looks like a tree-hugger, though.

Who needs the pseudo-experts at this place with their fancy smancy win-share totals and minor-league reports when you've got Al kkkeiper here to give you the hook-up. Here's some baseball stuff that popped into my head in the last hour or so. You've been warned. • The Houston Astros had a chance to get into the postseason, thanks to a late-season surge up the N.L. Central. They came up short in the last weekend of play, which made me curious as to how many one-run games they lost this year. I looked over their regular-season schedule and at a glance I counted 21. Zoinks. Ah hell, I might as well see how many one-run games the Astros won – 25. So that means they were 25-21 in one-run games. Um, well, they should have won some more. But how did St. Louis do in one-run games? Ah, hell. They were 22-27. Whatever, I’m not deleting all this exhaustive research I’ve conducted just because it makes no sense to my original point. • Bye Racist Dusty. Perhaps you should go to a team that plays in warmer weather, such as Florida or Arizona. This way you can better utilize your black and Hispanic ballplayers. • Now there’s talk about Roger Clemens taking naughty drugs. Don’t care. Like I said before, this who era in baseball is roided up, and let the accusations fly. I’m a Clemens fan, but Major League Baseball brought all of this upon itself. • Ryan Howard for MVP. I don’t know who’s in contention for any of the other awards. • Yesterday the Pirates played their final game for the 2006 season. Now I could make yet another joke about how this team sucks, but instead I’m going to give props to Freddy Sanchez for winning the N.L. batting title. From what I’ve seen of Freddy he played hard this season, which is amazing considering he had no reason to considering the team he was on. For God's sake the fans were popping wood because the team finished with a winning record for the first time ever at PNC Park; now that’s some high standards there. One thing that did surprise me is that the Pirates have had 25 batting titles, which is the most of any team. I watched the final three outs of Sunday’s 1-0 victory against the Reds, and it was nice to see Sanchez get the props he deserves, especially considering he didn’t get an opportunity to start until May. But enough of talking about this crap; let’s move onto real baseball teams that are still playing. • I really don’t have a “favorite” baseball team. There are certain players I like, but in regards to actual franchises I’m indifferent to most of them. If you put a gun to my head and forced me to pick a team, I’d probably go with the St. Louis Cardinals – I don’t know why, I just like how that team is run. Whenever the MLB postseason starts up, I’ll pick a team or two and pull for them to win. It’s not big deal if they lose, and if they win I’ll say “yay” and move on with my life. The only exception to this rule is when there’s a team I don’t want to win, such as when Racist Dusty almost lead his Cubs to the 2003 World Series, or when Barry Bonds finally made it to the Fall Classic. I’ve only done this mini-bandwagon thing for a few years, and my track record has been OK. In 2001 I was pulling the Arizona Diamondbacks because I like Curt Schilling and wanted to see him get a championship. Plus I also felt bad for that Asian pitcher who gave up back-to-back game-ending home runs. In 2002 I was rooting for the Anaheim Angles, especially when they faced off against the San Francisco Giants in the World Series. Nothing brought me greater joy that year than seeing Racist Dusty’s brat cry after the Giants lost Game 7. I went with the Florida Marlins in 2003, mostly because they managed to beat Racist Dusty. In 2004 I didn’t want to see the Red Sox win it all because there was nothing more entertaining in sports talk radio than to year Boston fans dejected at their team falling short yet again, but c'est la vie. Last year was pretty much a wash because I didn’t care who won – the White Sox or Astros. This year is pretty much a repeat of 2005. I don’t know much about any of the teams (as if I ever do), but if I have to pick a team I would probably go with the Yankees. Yeah, the EVIL EMPIRE. I think my main reason for wanting them to win is because I want Alex Rodriguez to win a championship and shut up all the A-Rod haters. Who will win this year? I dunno. The weird thing about the MLB playoffs is that five-game first-round. You could play a grueling 162-game schedule, and in just three games all that blood, sweat and tears will get flushed down the toilet. Then again, a seven-game series can end in as quickly as four games but oh well. Without further ado, here is my playoff tree as to how I think this postseason will play out. Take this information, do the opposite of what I write and call your bookie. NL PLAYOFFS: St. Louis vs. San Diego. These two played last year in the first round, and the Cardinals handedly won. The Cards haven’t been playing well, and I’ll say the Padres will win in four. Los Angeles vs. New York. The Mets haven’t played a meaningful game in months and have been without the services of Pedro Martinez for just as long. I seem to remember the Dodgers being on several hot and cold streaks this year. Oh what the hell – Dodgers in five. Los Angeles vs. San Diego. When I was a kid I liked both the Dodgers and the Padres. I followed Los Angeles due to Fernando Valenzuela and because there was an old Mr. Ed episode that guest-starred several old-school Dodgers. Tony Gwynn is one of my all-time favorite players, so that explains my Padre love. Because the wild card teams have a legit shot at reaching the World Series, I’ll say Dodgers in four. AL PLAYOFFS: Oakland vs Minnesota. I have no clue who is on the A’s roster other than that Zito hippie and Jason Kendall (he is still there, right?). They never make it out of the first round, so I’ll go with Minnesota in five. Detroit vs New York. Although my insisting the Tigers were “for real” is what probably led to their late-season collapse, I wasn’t intentionally trying to ruin this team. I always liked Jim Leyland, but I think the Tigers are going to be one of those “Boy we’re sure happy to be here” stories, so I’ll say New York sweeps the series. Minnesota vs. New York. Small market vs. Big market. David vs. Goliath. Fuck that shit – I’m going with the owner who didn’t want to contract his team. Yankees in five. WORLD SERIES: Los Angeles vs. New York. Right. Like these two teams I picked are going to be around at this point – both will probably get swept in the first round. Nevertheless, Yankees in five.

Regarding your Stanford comment -- you're being serious?

How did you get into the butcher game? I'm planning on quitting my job tomorrow, so I'm curious. Aren't you teaching?

• A few days ago I was ragging on Shittsburgh’s Port Authority because they were, once again, whining about how they would have to raise fares if they didn’t get more tax money to keep their inefficient public transportation system chugging along. In that same entry, I also goofed on how the Allegheny County Council wanted to pass a public smoking ban. Well, as I was driving through this pristine city on the way to pick up the better half from her job, I realized that I probably inhale more exhaust from these busses in a day than I inhale from second-hand smoke in a year. Should a tumor ever develop in my lung, I wonder if I could sue the Port Authority for having their pollution-spewing vehicles closer than 15 feet in front of me? (This proposed countywide smoking ban would prohibit anyone from smoking within 15 feet of businesses.) Hell, since these busses spit out more toxic emissions than my car, I feel they should have to be restricted to their very own road, and that road should also be an enclosed structure so those that choose to ride in these disgusting vehicles have to breathe in their own exhaust. Hey, it’s my right as a motorist not to inhale these toxic vapors; why should I have to end my life early because these lumbering contraptions freely pollute our publicly financed roads? But you know who are hardest hit by this pollution? The children. Well, maybe not mine since I don’t have any, but if I were to have a kkk Jr., he or she would be hardest hit for sure. Hey, if states can sue car manufactures for polluting the environment, why can’t I do the same to our local public officials? • I don’t care if the way Australian scientists want to curb the growing Koala population is by planting a contraceptive between a female’s shoulder blades; I want to keep the image in my head of these scientists putting condoms on these cuddly bears. Why am I imaging this I have no idea, but it sure scares the hell out of me that I am doing so. • Now the GOP is really on my shit list – just as I started to get into on-line betting these bitches want to outlaw me from using credit cards, checks and electronic fund transfers to pay my wagers. You guys need to stay out of my bedroom. Well, actually I don’t care if you’re in that room because nothing ever happens there, but don’t you dare set one foot into my computer room. • I remember when Farm Aid was started it was to try and help small, family owned farms survive; a nice, populist cause if there ever was one. Now these concerts are encouraging us to eat organic shit? Either the original point of Farm Aid has gone away, or Willie Nelson, Neil Young and John Mellencamp have given up. I guess the next evolution of this concert will be to encourage everyone in attendance to write their Congressperson to encourage the banning of trans-fatty foods (unless this has already been done – I’m not hip on the latest goings-on at Farm Aid). • Good for you Arnold for vetoing this stupid bill that would have given California’s electoral votes to the presidential candidate that gets the most popular votes of the country rather than the actual state itself. We’re not a democracy, we’re a representative republic; it’s not my fault government schools don’t teach this to our youth. Then again, it might be funny to actually let this bill pass because I’d love to see the leftists, who support this idea, backtrack when these 50+ electoral votes go to a Republican candidate rather than to the person running on the Democrat ticket who would be more likely to win this commie state’s popular vote.

Moving up and about > Dealing with customers.

Yay, Texas Tech. EDIT: I take that back. I thought Spiff's "FU" was becasue they lost. Fuck you, Texas Tech.

You should know the routine by now. Arizona at Atlanta (7.5) Once again it looks like Arizona is headed down the “Hey many people selected us to be a ‘sleeper’ pick, but we’re still going lose” path. It’s still relatively early in the season to write the Cardinals off, but I’ll take my chances with Atlanta and that seven-and-a-half point spread. (9.5) Dallas at Tennessee With all the T.O. talk this week, some may have forgotten that the Cowboys have a game to play on Sunday. And it’s against the powerhouse Titans. I think the real reason Owens wants to play this week is so he can pad his numbers against one of the league’s struggling teams. Either way, I’m betting on Dallas to win, but will they win by more than 10 points? I’d like to go back and review Tennessee’s defeats to see if most of them were close, but then I’d be thinking while making these picks – something I promised not to do. I’ll say sure, why not go with those Cowboys? (9.5) Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets The Jets have been a scrappy team so far this year, and although I think Indy will win this game, the question is will they cover the spread. Well, the Jets head coach used to work on a team that had the Colts’ number, but because the Indianapolis offense had a light week against the Jaguars (especially in the first half) I’ll say a well-rested Manning leads his team to a double-digit victory. (4.5) Miami at Houston Miami hasn’t looked good all year, and Houston hasn’t look good ever since they entered the league. I’ll say Miami will probably win, but Houston will make it close with the potential for an upset. Minnesota at Buffalo (1.5) Interesting match-up. I’m curious to see how the Vikings react to last week’s loss. Will that loss to the Bears carry over into this week? I don’t know, but I’ll guess the Vikings in another upset. New Orleans at Carolina (7.5) I think it’s funny the 3-0 Saints are such big underdogs against the 1-2 Panthers. It seems that Carolina starts the season out slow and finishes it hot, so based on that alone I’ll say the Panthers will win. But will they cover the spread? Because the Saints have defeated their other divisional opponents this year, I’ll side with them this week. (2.5) San Diego at Baltimore Ben Roethlisberger played his first NFL game against the Ravens in Week 2 of the 2004-2005 season when he replaced an injured Tommy Maddox. If memory serves, he didn’t do too well. After two “tune-up” games, I think Phillip Rivers will experience what Big Ben went through. San Francisco at Kansas City (7.5) I think Kansas City will win, but will they cover the spread? I’ll say … no. Detroit at St. Louis (6.5) I think St. Louis will win, but will they cover the spread? I’ll say … sure. (3.5) Cleveland at Oakland A true clash of the titans, and neither one is from Tennessee. Oakland has been pitiful this year so far, but are they pitiful enough to have Cleveland be the favored team in the black hole? At least Cleveland played Baltimore tough last week. I’ll go with the Browns. (3.5) Jacksonville at Washington Washington had a big win last week, but it was against Houston. Jacksonville has had a hard schedule so far, and when a game at the Washington appears to be the “soft spot” in a team’s first four games, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. New England at Cincinnati (6.5) Cincinnati has played well so far this year, and New England has looked vulnerable at times. I have to go with the Bengals, even though I think the Patriots have a chance to make this a close game. Seattle at Chicago (3.5) The marquee NFC game of the week, I have a feeling one team will show up to play and the other one won’t. The problem is I don’t know which team will do what. Let’s see, in last year’s playoffs the Panthers crushed the Bears in Chicago, and Carolina got beat down the following week at Seattle. Based on this, I’ll side with the Seahawks. Green Bay at Philadelphia (11.5) I don’t see Green Bay winning, but can they at least keep it somewhat close? For some reason, I’m thinking of that horrible overtime interception Favre threw in the 2003-2004 divisional playoffs against Philadelphia a few years ago (at least I’m pretty sure this is the game I’m thinking about). Is that a sign? I’ll say yes.

So this law isn't all that bad then? Actually, I'm indifferent to Green. I don't find him all that funny, but if there are those out there who do and Tom can make a living off of what it then more power to him.

On the drive home from work yesterday this dump truck cut-off the same car twice, almost crashing into it each time.

For as much as I love Mr. Tso's cock, I've been getting Szechuan Beef the last few times from the take-out shop.

• Fucking Democrats will do anything to get their power back. How else can you explain this? Well, I guess there’s one other scenario that might be applicable in this instance – this guy is OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND (allegedly, of course). What the hell is wrong with people? I honestly don’t know how I can make a wisecrack that’s better than the actual article itself. I mean, I guess I could say that if Barney Frank was doing this there wouldn’t be a story, but that joke is nothing when matched up against this. • This is why I can never can fully embrace my brethren from the North. Canada, I like you and all, but not only are you a bit too tilted toward the socialist side of things for my taste, but also your freedom of speech laws leave something to be desired. So displaying a picture of an aborted fetus is considered obscene? Larry Flynt could have one with a strap-on hitting it doggy-style with another fetus that didn’t make it through the third trimester and there would be people down here in the States calling that art (especially a particular politician from Florida; allegedly, of course). • Well of course those “Bumfights” videos made some teens go out and pummel a homeless person to death. I guess Lionel Tate’s lawyer now has a new client to defend. • And speaking of rumbles, screw their actual chess matches, I want to see these two retards duke it out in the parking lot. In high school I joined the chess club during my junior and senior years. Well, actually my friend and I signed up just to play in some day-long tournament that was held at our school once a year. Hey, it beat going to class. The first match of the day always had me pitted against a kid from another school who attended this event to get out of class, too. We'd talk more about sports than we played. I usually won those games because my opponent would lose his queen first. In my second match of the day I always played against some kid who knew what he was doing, and I would get my king handed to me in no time. I'd then play a match against someone dumb like me, followed by some uber-smart kid. We also had free cookies and drinks, so all in all it wasn't that bad a day. In fact, after our junior year about a dozen other kids like us who attended just to get out of a day’s worth of classes joined my friend and me in next year’s tournament. Funny thing is that some of these kids were pretty good chess players, which pissed off those who actually attended this club's regular meetings. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Although the lady who phoned in and said she was “afraid” that her husband wanted to teach their kid the alphabet at too early an age and the guy who asked if it was OK to watch horror movies with his four-year old son are both good candidates, they can't top this one. A woman called in and asked at what age her kids should learn that their dad is a convicted sex offender. When asked how old her kids were, the caller replied, “19 and 16.”

But if he goes to a buffet it'll be all-you-can-eat.

Keep rolleyes -- when has he (or she?) ever flame-baited?

Much, much better. Thanks.

You're right. I need to start implementing some standards.

"It's a drive-by you think you're fly guy?" And this was Part 2. Is Kitchener the Compton of Canada?

Good thing you have a bye then.

Yeah, how dare someone ask Bill a tough question. No, you're just a terrorist.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 53: Banky/The Winter of my Discontent/A Catholic/Memoirs of an Invisible Chevy/Etc. While this guy has ruffled more than a few feathers at this place, I’ve grown to like Banky (or whatever he’s calling himself this week). When I first started reading his posts, I was asking myself who was this silly goose. I soon then began to enjoy his sense of humor, even though he doesn't care too much for kitties. And here's yet another reason why my three are kept indoors. And now a word or two from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed. From SFA Jack: From Cancer Marney: • The big story yesterday was Terrell Owens (allegedly) overdosing on pills in a suicide attempt. Or did he? I have no clue, nor do I care. I am not an Owens-hater, and I have said before that many of theatrics amuse me. He may be a cancer in his team’s locker room, but I’m not part of that team, so I don’t care what he does. The only thing I had a problem with regarding his behavior was when he threw a fit one year into being a Philadelphia Eagle. I sympathize with NFL players and their desire to be paid what they think they’re worth. After all, unlike other sports such as basketball and baseball, NFL players don’t have guaranteed contracts. Sure there’s that signing bonus thing, but if an owner can cut a player because they’re due the money agreed to in a contract, then a player can hold out for more cash if they out-perform that same piece of paper. My problem with Owens and what he did while with the Eagles was that he agreed on a hefty contract the YEAR BEFORE acting like a diva. This wasn’t some Pro-Bowl caliber, fourth-year player making a few hundred grand and wanting to set himself up for life; Owens had agreed on a seven-year, $49 million contract with a $10 million signing bonus when he went to the Eagles; couldn't he have at least waited until year three of his contract, or when the Eagles won the Super Bowl, to ask for more money? • Well, I stand corrected. You know how whenever some hippie whines about how America sucks, the typical right-wing response is, “If you don’t like it here, then git’ out.” Well, someone finally did. And to Cuba, no less. Now the balance of people coming to the U.S. and those leaving for Cuba is starting to level out, what with hundreds of thousands (probably millions) coming over and one exiting. And even this one who left the States wasn't doing so for Castro's free health care or rice cookers – it was for poon. • This is odd. I thought being a sniveling, spineless piece of shit was one of the job requirements to being U.N. Secretary-General. • The Republican Party is going to hold its 2008 Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul – the only state that voted for Mondale in ’84. Well, I guess that’s still better than having your convention in Cleveland. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This is one of those instances when a couple in peril calls into the show – why oh why do these people agree to this sort of thing? The woman is 41, the man is 43. They have been dating for a few months or a year, depending on which person you ask. Both have been in previous abusive relationships, and both are afraid of what happens to each of them when they get into a fight; these people feel that whenever they get into an argument they act like they did when they were with their previous significant others. When asked to give an example of what happens to one of these "abused" people, the guy says the following. “Whenever we get into a fight while driving, I push her out of the car, drive away and leave her there to walk home.”

Shooter: The restaurant owners are bitching because the casinos will have restaurants and shit within their casino. Chris: From what I heard, the bingo halls and other similar fundraising endeavors have volunteers at these events, so they choose to be in these conditions. With this Bush economy and that whopping unemployment rate, people can't just leave one job in the cutthroat food-service industry for another.

Arizona at Atlanta (7.5) (9.5) Dallas at Tennessee (9.5) Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets (4.5) Miami at Houston Minnesota at Buffalo (1.5) New Orleans at Carolina (7.5) (2.5) San Diego at Baltimore San Francisco at Kansas City (7.5) Detroit at St. Louis (6.5) (3.5) Cleveland at Oakland (3.5) Jacksonville at Washington New England at Cincinnati (6.5) Seattle at Chicago (3.5) Green Bay at Philadelphia (11.5) Open Date: Denver, N.Y. Giants, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay Arizona (Vern Gagne 2-2) defeated by Atlanta (King of the 909 4-0) 6-6+TB Vern predicted 18 points. Arizona scored 10. Difference: 8. 909 predicted 27 points. Atlanta scored 32. Difference: 5. AZ: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/KC/DET/OAK/JAX/NE/CHI/PHI/18 ATL: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/CAR/BAL/KC/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/27 DIFF: TEN/DAL, SD/BAL, OAK/CLE, NE/CIN, 18/27 Dallas (Hawk34 1-2) defeated by Tennessee (Cuban Linx 2-2) 5-5+TB Hawk predicted 23 points. Dallas scored 45. Difference: 22. Linx predicted 14 points. Tennessee scored 14. Difference: 0. DAL: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/KC/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/23 TEN: ATL/TEN/IND/HOU/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/OAK/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/14 DIFF: DAL/TEN, MIA/HOU, KC/SF, CLE/OAK, CIN/NE, CHI/SEA, 23/14 Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 3-1) defeated N.Y. Jets (Gert T 2-2) 7-6 IND: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/KC/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/CHI/PHI/34 NYJ: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/BUF/CAR/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/14 DIFF: TEN/DAL, MIN/BUF, NO/CAR, KC/SF, NE/CIN Miami (Spaceman Spiff 1-3) defeated by Houston (Bored 2-2) 5-8 MIA: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/BUF/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/SEA/PHI/26 HOU: ATL/TEN/NYJ/MIA/MIN/NO/BAL/SF/STL/CLE/WAS/CIN/CHI/PHI/12 DIFF: IND/NYJ, BUF/MIN, SD/BAL, JAX/WAS, SEA/CHI Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 2-2) defeated by Buffalo (Bob Barron 3-1) 5-6 MIN: ATL/TEN/NYJ/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/23 BUF: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/BAL/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/17 DIFF: NYJ/IND, SD/BAL, NE/CIN, SEA/CHI, GB/PHI New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 1-3) defeated by Carolina (Fazzle 1-3) 4-5 NO: AZ/TEN/NYJ/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/SEA/PHI/24 CAR: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/BUF/NO/SD/KC/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/14 DIFF: AZ/ATL, NYJ/IND, MIN/BUF, SF/KC, STL/DET, SEA/CHI, PHI/GB San Diego (Porter 2-1) defeated Baltimore (King PK 1-3) 7-5 SD: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/MIN/NO/SD/SF/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/24 BAL: ATL/TEN/IND/HOU/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/21 DIFF: DAL/TEN, NYJ/IND, NO/CAR, DET/STL, 24/21 San Francisco (Lightning Flik 1-3) defeated by Kansas City (Alfdogg 2-1) 5-5+TB Flik predicted 20 points. 49ers scored 0. Difference: 20. Alf predicted 27 points. Chiefs scored 41. Difference: 14. SF: AZ/TEN/NYJ/HOU/BUF/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/SEA/GB/20 KC: ATL/TEN/IND/HOU/BUF/CAR/SD/KC/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/27 DIFF: AZ/ATL, NYJ/IND, NO/CAR, SF/KC, STL/DET, SEA/CHI Detroit (Bravesfan 3-1) defeated St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 1-3) 9-8 DET: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/BUF/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/21 STL: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/BUF/CAR/SD/KC/STL/OAK/JAX/NE/CHI/GB/21 DIFF: NYJ/IND, HOU/MIA, NO/CAR, SF/KC, CLE/OAK, CIN/NE, PHI/GB Cleveland (SFA Jack 4-0) defeated Oakland (Smues 2-1) 7-5 CLE: ATL/DAL/NYJ/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/CLE/WAS/CIN/CHI/PHI/21 OAK: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/10 DIFF: NYJ/IND, CAR/NO, WAS/JAX, CIN/NE, CHI/SEA, PHI/GB, 21/10 Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 3-1) defeated Washington (Human Fly 2-2) 6-5 JAX: ATL/DAL/NYJ/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/OAK/JAX/CIN/SEA/PHI/17 WAS: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/10 DIFF: DAL/TEN, NYJ/IND, CAR/NO, OAK/CLE, SEA/CHI New England (nl-asshole 0-3-1) tied Cincinnati (Teke 2-1-1) 6-6+TB Asshole predicted 20 points. New England scored 38. Difference: 18. Teke predicted 31 points. Cincinnati scored 13. Difference: 18. NE: AZ/TEN/NYJ/HOU/BUF/CAR/BAL/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/20 CIN: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/31 DIFF: TEN/DAL, NYJ/IND, HOU/MIA, BUF/MIN, CAR/NO, BAL/SD, GB/PHI Seattle (C Dubya 2-2) defeated Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 0-4) 7-6 SEA: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/BAL/KC/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/PHI/24 CHI: ATL/DAL/IND/HOU/MIN/NO/BAL/SF/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/17 DIFF: TEN/DAL, MIA/HOU, KC/SF, STL/DET, NE/CIN, SEA/CHI, PHI/GB Green Bay (Vitamin X 3-1) defeated Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 3-1) 7-6 GB: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/WAS/CIN/SEA/GB/21 PHI: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/MIN/NO/SD/SF/DET/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/24 DIFF: STL/DET, WAS/JAX, CIN/NE Open date: Denver (Canadian Chris 1-2), N.Y. Giants (Cartman 1-2), Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 1-2), Tampa Bay (Starvenger 1-2)

• Allegheny County executive board members (or whatever these people are called) have just passed a public smoking ban that is awaiting a signature from County Chief Executive President Dan Onorato. Here’s what I don’t get about this whole anti-smoking crusade. If puffing cancer sticks is so bad for you (and I’m not saying that it isn’t), then let’s just outright ban these things. I’m not a smoker. Never have been; never will. Well, there were a few times I would light up a Swisher Sweet during my college days, but that was because I needed something to keep me awake while I drove home from 16+ hours worth of work and classes. That Swishers’ tangy taste and aroma helped keep me alert enough so that I didn’t veer off the road and crash into a building. Other than that, I have never touched a cigarette/cigar. (I did consume chewing tobacco one night while drunk, but that’s another story for another time.) Cigarettes are a tax on the stupid, and if you want to smoke them, that’s your choice. I also think it should be the choice of business owners to decide for themselves whether or not to make their establishments a smoking or non-smoking facility. Yeah, I’ve heard the anti-smoking Gestapo say that a bar’s owner is putting the health of his or her customers and employees at risk. Patrons can frequent somewhere else, and employees can get another job. There’s a scale I use that measures how much freedom people should be allowed to have and how much regulation is required for “the greater good.” This issue of letting private businesses decide on giving them the choice of whether to be a smoking or non-smoking facility, or if Big Brother “knows what’s best” and forbids any kind of smoking in a business’ vicinity can play a role in whether or not I determine how much of a commie somebody is. Now if you think Big Brother “knows what’s best” in this situation, don't worry; I won’t necessarily label you a commie for this alone. I do see the other point of view in this debate; I just disagree with it. (By the way, if there is ever a law to outright ban tobacco, I wouldn't complain. Well that is other than knowing that "fat taxes" will be used to replace cigarette taxes, which will be gone as a result of banning tobacco products.) The best part of this above-mentioned story is that smoking will be allowed to take place in a casino which will soon be sprouting up in the region. Now wait a second. I’ve never been to a casino, nor do I care to, but I’ve seen enough on television to know that quite a few people can fit into one of these places. And yet it’s OK to smoke HERE?! I’m striking up a local tone here because our piece of shit governor Edward Rendell thinks that the state will be better off if we allowed casinos to set up shop in Pennsylvania. My opinion on this matter is mostly indifferent. I don’t care if they get built, but then again I’m not a restaurant owner that will probably get screwed over if a casino gets built next to my business. But Fast Eddie is acting like these casinos will single handedly rejuvenate the state. It’s not. But by the time the idiots who support this initiative realize this, Swindell would already be out of office and headed toward greener pastures. • Keeping up with the Nanny-State theme, I give this three years before the health Nazis try this sort of shit to Middle America. I can’t wait to see the excuses as to why we’re all a bunch of fatties when fast-food restaurants get banned. By the way, the government is all about limiting our choices for health reasons; hence smoking bans and soon-to-be “fat” bans. But why is it there’s one choice out there that actually kills life and is seemingly untouchable? *whistles and walks away* • You know, if The Onion would write stuff like this... ...I might actually read what they produce. The sad thing about this is that it isn’t satire; it’s nonfiction. And since I’m talking about The Onion, the only thing I ever intentionally laughed at that was written by them was a story about an athlete blaming God for a loss. • I heard on the radio today that the Pennsylvania Port Authority has fired its Harrisburg-based lobbying group (Harrisburg is PA’s state capital for the geographically challenged) for wasting money. Wow, when the Port Authority thinks you are wasting too much money, you know the situation is bad. And while I’m on this subject, I’ve been hearing rumblings from this bureaucracy that they need more money or else they’ll have to drastically increase fares. Of course, they can’t just get rid of routes that nobody attends or utilize smaller vehicles to take over these unpopulated stops. That would save money, and we sure as hell can’t have that. One solution I’ve heard is to raise the state gasoline tax by 10 cents per gallon. Let me get this straight. Mass transit is out of money. To get more money, Pennsylvania raises the gas tax. Mass transit relies heavily on gasoline. Mass transit has no money. Makes perfect sense to me. While we’re at it, let’s tax tires and vehicle windows. • There’s a government school in Michigan that invited this German-based choir to sing at their school. However, there was one stipulation. No religious songs. What was this choir named? “Voices of Heaven.” And people wonder why I call these institutions “government” schools. • But not everything is negative in this crazy world of ours. Paul Harvey said earlier today that a fellow Aussie is in negotiations to play the role of the late Steve Irwin in a movie about his life. Who’s this Aussie? Russell Crowe. Even though later reports deny this annoucement, I don't care. I so want this movie made. “See that croc there? What a beauty. They like to lay in the water and soak up the sun’s rays. But do you know what else they like to do?” "Fightin!"

Close this thread. Now.

Bored-what's my percentage?