AndrewTS

Well, when you've read about films like these -- http://www.schlocktoberfest.com/current_co...y_bware05A.html -- coming out this year, the film companies listed there would snap him up for his notoriety alone. With even lower production values, he either might be forced to not suck (WS' movies were better when he had less money to throw around) or his movies will end up with the Ed Wood production values that would make his movies even funnier. It's win/win to me.

Box Office Mojo has Alone listed at #14 and bringing in a mere $2.5 million. House of the Dead brought in $5.6 million for its opening. Hmm...I wonder if this is the end of Uwe's career now.

Am I the only one worried about KEVIN SULLIVAN COMING IN?! "The impression I get from talking to insiders is that bringing him in will eventually help to neutralize some of the bad Hollywood scripts churned out by non-wrestling people who currently sit on the WWE writing committee." I'm speechless.

It's the only ep I haven't seen, but I think you mean "Krampus." Why wouldn't it survive to see a second season? It's getting some of the best ratings of any of the Adult Swim shows. When it's on the same night as Futurama/Family Guy it usually comes in just behind those two, and it even beat Futurama one time. Recently it got something like 900,000 estimated viewers according to the AS ratings reports. I love the show. Hilarious in so many ways, from the physical comedy, great one-liners, and awesome parodies (Ice Station Impossible > the Fan 4 movie). The writing is top-notch, the animation style is very cool, and they have plenty of talented voice actors. It's hard for me to really say who has the best lines. Monarch and Dr. Orpheus often have the funniest ones, but Dr. Venture himself often chimes in at exactly the right time with a killer ("Thank you everyone, you've been a lovely audience" after Orpheus hams it up at the trial). I loved the old Tick animated series, so I'm glad to see the folks involved getting another shot. The average Ventures ep so far is funnier than *any* episode of Family Guy or Futurama I've ever seen, and funnier than a lot of Simpsons eps in that show's prime. The show has too many great characters to overuse them. The Monarch rules, but I personally wouldn't mind seeing more of Phantom Limb and the like. Also, yeah--that may be my second favorite ep behind the Trial of the Monarch. Ah, who am I kidding. Probably it's tied with second with...most of the eps. Yeah, Trial of the Monarch 1st, the ep on the space station 3rd, and pretty much every other ep 2nd. *I* "It was all sound and fury, signifying nothing" (after coming out of the port-a-potty) "I'm not flushing! Let them see the wrath of the Monarch!" "Want to do it on his bed? Let him sleep in our genetic filth?" "Nah." "What can I do to this guy that life hasn't already done?...I don't even feel like taking a whiz on this. I used to DREAM of taking a whiz on this!" SAM-SON! No P! I was worried he'd be overwhelmingly the star at first, but they use him very well, not overdoing it. I'll still never get over him killing a guy with his ass...

At one time, yeah... But I didn't see Pac-Man in Soul Calibur 2. Well, first he'd need a weapon. After all, he's not like Heihachi in that (cheapness) way. Besides, I think they were trying to be a reasonable bit serious with Soul Calibur II by keeping everyone relatively human looking. Exception being Lizardman and Berzerker, but they were close enough. Hell, even Link was human looking enough to work. If they were going to go goofy, I'm sure Mario would have been in Link's place...using a plunger as a weapon. True, but they could give Pac arms and legs like in the cartoon and most recent games. If they did a Megamix-style game, they could and should put Pac in. If Sega can use that appears to be a bear balloon that can't operate its actual limbs separately from his body as a fighter, then Namco can stick arms and legs on Pac and make him a fighter. Since Namco put an itty-bitty dinosaur that is difficult to even hit in T3, why not? It's inexcusable that Wonder Momo is making more cameo appearances in games than Pac Man. Mega Man should definitely be in, since he's perfect for the game style and has already been used quite well in some recent RPGs.

Shore's appearance in Futurama will sate my Shore quota for the rest of this decade. Maybe I'll check out the Director's Cut HD-DVD in 2011.

It was okay, worth the couple bucks I paid for it. It's very similar to the early SD games that were around at that time. It was an arcade game made to sap quarters, after all. It was never supposed to be anything more. So naturally it didn't have CAW or career.

And in MK-Annihilation, she was squished by a big metal cage before ever actually getting to fight, because the studio I guess was too cheap to spring for having both Sheeva and Motaro to have fight scenes. Had to save that SFX money for TOTALLY ASININE ANIMALITY BATTLE BETWEEN KAHN AND LIU... Well, by the looks of it, it was probably relatively cheap. anyway.

At one time, yeah... But I didn't see Pac-Man in Soul Calibur 2. Fighters' Megamix 2 featuring Namco characters problem won't ever happen, sadly. And it makes *no sense* that Sonic wasn't in FM.

The original games were supposedly Lovecraft-inspired (with the monster designs at the very least), but queries in the VGs folder didn't net me any more details. It seems hard to find anyone who actually played the damn thing. The ones who did got fed up with the horrible controls and never actually got very far. The creator of the AitD series HAND-PICKED BOLL to direct this, so I don't blame Boll, I blame him.

There were at least 4 video games that I know of. AitD 1, 2, 3, and The New Nightmare. I'd seen plot summaries for that basically listed TNN's plot, and while it is the closest to this movie, it's still not the same. No Shadow Island or anything like that, but you do get the same ancient civilization, gate to the demon realm thing. They even die the same way (well, that is, evaporate after death, but they only spring for that effect once in this movie). I don't know why they made a movie out if it either. TNN came and went a couple years ago with little/no fanfare and was basically the series doing a poor catch-up to Resident Evil gameplay-wise.

That's Burke. He's listed as Commander Richards on IMDb, but he's "Richard Burke." He's by far the most enjoyable character in the movie. He hams it up and seems to realize "yeah, this is a shit movie, so I may as well have fun."

Oh, I recommend it, but I warn you it's not laugh-a-minute material like Plan 9, MK:A, etc. There's plenty of filler which can make you completely lose interest if you're not patient. If you do see it, give me your best guess on what the hell the Hudgen/Xenos/spinal modules/artifacts relationship is. I admit I may have missed some details during bathroom breaks.

Ghey ^ (infinity)

Well, that does give you an idea of what *watching* it was like. Except for the "backstory," that was pretty much chronological. I don't even know where the Xenos that were already on Earth came from. The only explanation was "they were lurking in the dark" and were already here. Considering "sunlight in large doses is lethal" I don't even understand how they could take over the world or why they'd want to even cross over. http://www.boston.com/movies/display?display=movie&id=5771 Not even the professional critics can make any damn sense of out it. What do you want from me?! Although, to gauge its crapdom, I'll say it's better than MK:Annihilation by miles and is a *little* better than RE: A.

Well, I knew this truly would be a horrible, horrible film, but I've seen far worse, and the promise of laughs from how crappy it was convinced me to whip out one of my free movie certificates and check it out. My 2 cents--contains spoilers... Okay, we start out with an expository crawl *and* a voiceover (apparently Boll figures anybody who earnestly enjoys his films is illiterate). There's some ancient civilization that supposedly sealed off an entrance to the realm of the dark and around that time they're civilization vanished off the face of the earth. Blah blah.. Slater is Carnby, there's an evil dude called Prof. Hudgens who, starting 20 years ago, has been trying to open this door. He works for a government paranormal agency, so I guess it's to find out about crap that shouldn't be screwed with. After they discontinue his research he continues his work in other ways. Why? Power I guess. His "research" involved attaching things to 20 orphans' spinal columns (come on, *one* orphan's heart is enough to unleash evil...), but Carnby's malfunctioned when he escaped and hid inside of a generator. (How? Did he get a big, likely-would-be-fatal electric shock? Never explained). Supposedly the orphans are the key to unleashing them...but...*shrug*...the crawl says it was to make man/monster fusions. It turns out that aligning yourself with the creatures of the dark (which seem to be mindless killing machines, but whatever) allows you to obtain incredible power. Is Hudgen aligned with them? Hell if I know, because he seems to be scared to death of them at one point, and shoots himself up with blood from one of them (that's in a cage), then seems to inexplicably be able to control them later on. Doesn't seem that they're willingly helping him. The other orphans from the orphanage apparently are under Hudgen's control. Supposedly the spinal-taps are why, but that doesn't explain how they turn into Evil-Dead-ish Carpathian Demon Possessed People. What purpose they serve is unclear, because all Hudgen does with them is sick them on Carnby and Cedrac (Slater and Reid. I'll use them interchangably, since it isn't like they're characters in a *real* movie anyway). Apparently the malfunction in Carnby's spine leech screwed things up, but why didn't Hudgen get another orphan? And it seems Hudgen stuck another spine-buddy on his assistant. None of this is explained, of course... Anyway, Hudgen's quest to unleash these creatures from the dark results in him having to track down artifacts from around the world. Did I mention that the "ancient civilation" was a NATIVE AMERICAN ONE?! I guess before the last of them died out they piled into huge futuristic airpships and scattered them all over the world or something. Anyway, first hour or so is filled with stupid dialogue and lots of plotholes. Carnby had apparently joined the secret government organization that was investigating the paranormal stuff later on, but when he was trying to find out what happened with the orphanage situation, any leads kept getting classified. So he's been out on his own trying to figure it out, and has a friend, Fischer, still there who leaks him some info. Reid's character, Aline Cedrac, works at a museum and Hudgens continues his quest under that cover. Carnby has found an artifact from the ancient civilization, but needs info on it for it to be of any use. Slater meets up with Reid at the museum. Reid hasn't seem him in years, hugs him, and promptly punches him in the face for not contacted her for all that time. Reid and Slater apparently are ex-boyfriend and girlfriend. Yah. One of the creatures from the dark...Giger-Alien-esque buggers who this movie SHAMELESSLY calls "Xenos," wrecks the museum and tries to kill Reid and Slater. Military guys bust in and shoot the crap out of things, and Slater doesn't get an info on the situation since it's classified. He clashes with the abrasive Burke, who leads the unit. *shrug* We learn that gold can contain the evil buggers (and a few other elements conveniently right beside it on the periodic table). Gold's what the ancients used to contain 'em, though. Anyway, I got a kick out of the sex scene Reid had with Slater for NO EXPLAINED REASON. Poor Slater--they played a song during that where they kept repeating the lyric "Seven seconds away." Soon after that, the "exciting" part of the movie begins, where Boll ends up ripping off Aliens as best he can (which is pretty damn poorly) Lots of military peeps get killed, Hudgens drops an EVIL POSSESSED TEQUILA WORM into Fischer's mouth, turning him into a possessed mofo and sicks him on Carnby (apparently that's the upgraded version of the spinal thing). Zillions of bullets are fired, they end up at the lab where Hudgen had been conducting his research. Anyway, the military folks set up camp as they venture into the abandoned gold mine where Hudgen's old lab was. Slater, Reid, and some of the military peeps get sent in, get attacked by evil snake creatures (oooh, I guess that's what that worm was, a baby sand snake). Poor Ho Sung Pak doesn't even get to kick any ass, as he falls to his death on a bed of spikes (shades of Mortal Kombat 1...), and is squished further by a huge stone column. The surviving team makes their way to the underground lab as Hudgen's Xenos kill pretty damn near the entire unit at base camp. Carnby learns the rest of the info WE KNEW AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE, and almost tries to open the door (but he couldn't have anyway without the rest of the artifacts). Hudgen shows up, getting the last artifact he needs, and opens up the door where all the evil dark realm buggers live. Fight scene occurs, Hudgen is killed, but the door is opened. "What is it about the gates of hell that compels people to wander into it?!" Well, after checking in with their flashlights and finding a huge cavern filled with Xenos (and similar-looking species of them), Reid, Slater, and Burke haul ass out of there, closing an outer door but not the ancient's door that had been kept closed...and actually, it seems to hold them. Perhaps the door contained some of those other elements that were capable of holding them...? Well, I guess we don't find out, because Burke GOES BACK, opens the mechanical outer door, impotently shoots at them, and decides them to BLOW UP THE WHOLE CAVERN!!!? Why? Hell if I know. Anyway, Slater and Reid escape by exiting a storm-celler entrance just as the bomb is going off and fills apparently miles of caverns with fire and brimstone... Afterwards, Reid and Slater check out the nearby city, which subtitles tell us have been evacuated...Slater seems to think that our civilization was wiped out, though...and nobody is in sight anywhere in the city. We get the patented Raimi Evil-Force-Cam rushing at Slater and Reid from behind, they turn around, scream, movie ends in a direct rip from Evil Dead II. Disgusted viewers still in the theater get up and wonder what that crap was they just saw. ...at least that's my best attempt to put together a coherent summary. Yes, it's very bad; laughably bad in plenty of places. As funny as Wood's movies? Not by a long shot. Boll has enough of a budget to fix up plenty of the problems Wood was unable to. It's still hilarious to watch, but sadly, there's plenty of padding that you have to sit through in between. Awful, awful film, but hilariously inept. Take a fellow enthusiast of Deep Hurting and have a hell of a time if you can find another brave enough. You still suck truckloads, Uwe, but for entertainment value you still aren't fit to caress Wood's panties. It's just a thrown-together summary I posted while it's still fresh in my mind. If you want any clarification on details, I'll do my best to try to explain it, if the movie did at all. Of course, there are lots of things the movie never attempted to make any sense of.

Sorry, but if you can't get a simple fact like that right in the first sentence of your review, I can't really read on. A number of reviews I've checked out have this pegged as laugh-out-loud/hilariously bad. I've got a free movie pass--I'm going. This review makes me want to see it more. I simply can't stand by and let the best contender for this generation's Ed Wood get relegated to porno just yet. I wonder if Reid says she is going to "do science."

It ain't ballet, you know.

Goro was brought back in MK4, canon-wise, actually. I'm not sure if it was just for the home versions or not (Anya could clear that up), but it's no different.

Okay, that's fair. How many RPGs, strat or otherwise, let you basically "recruit" a character from scratch, mix and match skills from tons of classes, capture and recruit enemies for use in battle, use animals' and their unique abilities, and determine how good a team's chemistry would be by their flippin' zodiac signs? Sadly, I never finished FFT. My RPG memory card was accidentally crushed. I had tons of playtime invested into it, had unlocked all the classes and was close to getting Cloud. And perhaps I'm wrong, but I would assume Secret of Mana probably should be added to your list. Thanks Square for giving us Evermore instead of SD4...

http://www.gamespot.com/news/2005/01/26/news_6117158.html EA fired 60 employees from it's EA Studios. Oh, for S&Gs, EA's mission statement: "Electronic Arts' mission is to make fun software for consumers and to help interactive entertainment become a part of everyday life. To play a leading role in this new industry, EA needs a dedicated team of pioneers with vision, a passion for quality, a willingness to innovate and a desire to achieve great things while vigilantly maintaining our integrity. Larry Probst Chaiman & CEO Electronic Arts"

Crimes Against Obesity is one of my favorite eps. And yeah, Bearse did get a bit of a big head once she had more control. Then of course, she even did *self-insertion* with "Mandy" (Marcy's gay identical cousin), but at least that was only for one ep. I agree with the changes in the writing style--it's really head-scratching if you only saw the later eps to see one of the earliest ones where Al is trying his damndest to get Peg a great anniversary gift... The show is still entertaining later on with the stinging verbal barbs and obvious dummies flying around, but it's a vastly different show.

"Join the Nintendo Fan Club!" The arcade version - green outline. SNES version - transparent during the fight, but at the start and end you were opaque. The SNES SPO had boxers taken from both POs and threw in new ones. Yeah, I know, but I'd pretty much always seen him referred to as the "new" Little Mac...and apparently that's Nintendo's story too.

I actually found an old Gamefan that reviewed the Saturn...um..."remake" is a big strong of a word. It was "extolling the virtues" of "classic" games, and asked "why play Street Fighter II when you can have...Karate Champ?" So by nearly all accounts, it seems the original is crap, was crap when it came out, but is now old, moldy crap. What's difficult about the spider? You knew you have a gun, right CT? How did you die *with the help of a Gameshark?!* http://www.vgmuseum.com/images/gbc/03/16.html Admittedly, the GBC version at least looks good... So, has anyone played any other versions besides the original and TNN? There's actually two other PC versions, AitD II and III.