King Cucaracha

You're crazy. She's a great heel authority figure. If they're going to play that gimmick I'd rather it be someone like her who actually has a ton of heat on her character. People legitimately hate her and her character. It's gone on way too long. She gets the definition of X-pac heat. The only "great" thing she does as a heel is "EXCUSE ME!" How do you know it's X-Pac heat? Do you have the quarter hour reports to show that people change the channel when she's on? I don't change the channel when she comes on, usually because Edge is alongside her. She's a terrible actress, and the combination of her face and voice is the most annoying thing on TV. That's why most people boo her. If you really think there's something she does that screams great heel, please..let me know. Like I said, she's ugly, so you don't like her. We get it. Go watch some porn to make yourself feel better or something man.

You're crazy. She's a great heel authority figure. If they're going to play that gimmick I'd rather it be someone like her who actually has a ton of heat on her character. BUTSHE'ZFAT! Dolph reminds me of a young Shawn Michaels with the way he bumps. Too early to say about anything else yet, but he's got that much down.

We need a "Wrestler points to the big Wrestlemania sign" counter between now and Mania itself.

Because it'd be a dumb move you mean? Let's not get into the heel Cena arguement, please.

Vintage Cena~!

Every heel in the company wishes they had Vickie's heat.

This should be tough for me. Thinking it over, maybe 95% of wrestlers ever my reaction is "hmm, yeah, I'd be happy having him on my roster." So I've got to narrow it down from my wishlist of about 800. Which is a lot even with other people picking them off too.

Big update. FIST, in. Brodie Lee, Eddie Kingston and the mighty Grizzly Redwood, in. Austin Aries is in with Tony Kozina and Ryan Drago from EPIC. And Claudio's team is going to be made up of guys who can do European uppercuts to counter Quack's 1,000 hold team. Both ridiculous and fantastic in equal measure.

Apparantly Cabana was involved in PWG's show last night. In which case, that was both very quick and long overdue in equal measure.

It'll be early March. Not 100% sure when yet, I've still got to speak to Toxxic. Watch this space.

*spots plane* "What ho! What is that demonry!?" Amazing. I'm a fan of the UPS sketch too, but the baseball one has to be at the top.

Weapons are 100% more dangerous during regular matches than they are in No DQ matches.

I don't see anything really wrong with Shawn/Mountie. You have to remember, this is 1992, either immediately before or during his Intercontinental Championship reign. Read it again. It goes Flair (next WWF Champion), Undertaker (last WWF Champion), Jake Roberts (feuding with Savage), Dibiase and IRS (top heel tag team), The Mountie (IC Champion), Shawn (just turned heel from a midcard tag team). No big problem there. Bulldog behind Tornado is a little odd. The fact he was behind Jannetty and Virgil is odder to me. Jannetty was out and Virgil's was on the downturn post-Dibiase feud.

And in one swift move, ROH becomes entertaining again!

1) Wrong. 2) Warlocks?

I think most people would have said no to that question about 5 years ago and it hasn't stopped him. He's been on 'one last match' for maybe 10 years now. I don't think 'one more one last match' would hurt, especially if it were a Wrestlemania payday, as opposed to some ECW reunion in front of 50 people.

Yeah, but I'm outside the US. I probably didn't phrase that as well as I could have.

Apparantly I can't watch the full episodes on NBC.com because they're 'not available in my location'. Which I guess is the US. Lame. I've spent the past week or so going through all the clips on there from the past year though.

Well I know it's not cool to say "Vince McMahon has a point", but... Vince McMahon has a point. It must be ridiculously annoying to keep planning storylines out to try and placate the people who say "WWE's so predictable now, I wish they'd do something interesting", only to have those storylines leaked to the very people who say they want to be surprised. Edge's title win was that much better for it not being leaked by Meltzer on the day of the PPV and read by everyone, I don't think that's really an arguement. If they had Christian as the attacker without it being leaked (or without people putting two and two together once he'd re-signed), it would have been great. Once everybody was expecting it, not so much. Surely we shouldn't be criticising WWE for wanting to surprise us?

Any quarter hour breakdowns? It'd be interesting to see if the Orton/McMahon angle was the cause, or if the ratings spiked post-Edge title win and were strong from the beginning.

Glued to the TV monitors backstage, we find everybody's favourite geek sweetheart Melody Nerdly. Engrossed in the events of HeldDOWN? Hardly. She's managed to fit up her old Sega Mega Drive to the TV monitor, possibly because it's the only one primative enough to be compatible with the primative console. Whatever the reason, her game of Streets Of Rage draws the attention of the passing James Blonde. At least, something does. Judging from the grin on his face, maybe it's not the 16-bit fight side scroller after all. BLONDE Hey there lil' lady. MELODY If you're looking for a turn, I warn you I only packed one controller with me. BLONDE No, you're okay. I'm a Trendsetter. Retro is... not my thing. MELODY O r l y. Explain the super 70s jacket you're wearing. Blonde looks at his red Adidas track jacket and shrugs. BLONDE I'm re-setting the trend. Anyway, that's not important. I actually wanted to ask you a question. You're into all these movies and stuff, tell me, are you a James Bond fan? MELODY Of course. Blonde smirks to himself and rubs his hands in excitement at the set-up line working. Unfortunately, as he's about to cut to the chase, he's about to be cut off, as Todd Cortez walks up behind him. BLONDE Me too. You know, incase you hadn't noticed my name is quite similar. So here's what I was thinking. I can be James Blonde and you can be my Puss... CORTEZ Can I have a word? BLONDE (through gritted teeth) Not right now. CORTEZ Landon wants to see you. BLONDE ...damnit. We'll continue this talk later. MELODY What talk? Unhappy at he is to be dragged away, Blonde is eager to go with Landon waiting. Cortez walks behind him, Blonde a few quicker steps ahead. BLONDE So, did he say what it's about? CORTEZ Who? BLONDE What do you mean who, Landon! CORTEZ Oh. Yeah, I lied. Slamming on the brakes, Blonde turns around and glares at the US Champion. BLONDE So Landon doesn't need me? What the hell man!? I was about to use the Pussy Galore line on that hot piece of Canadian bacon. CORTEZ I figured as much. That's why I stepped in. No lady needs to hear that. BLONDE You know what, you've got a real nasty habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The wrong place is anywhere near me by the way. And the wrong time is... CORTEZ Any time, I get it. BLONDE You wanna watch your mouth pal... Cortez suddenly takes a step closer to Blonde, much closer. Taken aback, Blonde rocks back on his heels and glances around, trying not to show and signs of backing off when every sense in his body is telling him to do just that. CORTEZ Or what? You'll tell Landon? Don't make me laugh. The days of you and him and Black pushing me around are long gone, go if anyone needs to watch their mouth, it's you. Otherwise a slap from a hundred pound Canadian nerd'll be the least of your troubles. BLONDE Point taken. As Cortez backs up a little, Blonde straightens out the collar on his jacket. BLONDE I guess you got what you wanted then. CORTEZ Excuse me? BLONDE You're top dog now. Landon's favourite. After months on the sidelines, suddenly you're the go to guy. Don't go kidding me any different, you've been walking around like the cat that got the cream ever since you won the US Title. You get all the attention and we're all forced back on the sidelines to make way for you. In a rarity, the usually super-serious Cortez actually chuckles to himself, again unnerving Blonde a little bit. CORTEZ You think I got what I wanted, huh? BLONDE Well, didn't you? CORTEZ No. I never wanted in on this Cucaracha Internacional thing in the first place. Landon wants me involved, because he wants me with him instead of against him. Because he knows what I can do to him. Months of you guys tormenting me, it hasn't changed a thing. [i]Landon[/i] got what he wanted. I haven't even come close to getting what I want yet. But now I'm in the good books again, I am getting closer. Looking worried, Blonde leans closer. BLONDE Meaning? CORTEZ Meaning... I'm gonna bring this whole thing down from the inside. Blonde's eyes widen as Cortez walks off, leaving him with that worrying prospect.

COLE Next week, live from Boston, it will be the Celtic Spectacular, headlined by the battle between friends for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship as Leon Rodez defends against Zack Malibu. Earlier today before the stands filled here in Chicago we managed to get Zack and Leon together for their thoughts on their upcoming match. [b]-EARLIER TODAY-[/b] Up in the empty seats of the United Center in about the 14th row, we find both the OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez and his soon to be challenger Zack Malibu, casually sat back a couple of seats apart. Leon rests his feet up on the seat in front of him, the OAOAST World Title placed across his lap. The mood seems very easy-going between the two, considering their upcoming match. LEON So, it's official huh. You and me in Boston. ZACK This is the point where we start cutting promos on each other, right? LEON Heh. Yeah, I guess so. ZACK You know, honestly, I just want to say first off that I appreciate you even giving me the title shot in the first place. With AngleMania coming up, a lot of guys would have been locked in concentrating on that already and I don't think anyone would have blamed you for turning me down. But fact is, you've been true to your word. No matter what anyone says. You vowed to be a fighting champion and a proper champion and take it from me, that's what you are. LEON Well that means a lot... uh... you know, I'm just gonna be happy to have a fair title defence for a change. I spoke to Josie about making sure nobody comes out and obviously there's no guarantee there. But I at least know that I'm in there with Zack Malibu, world reknowned stand-up guy... ZACK I don't know about that. I've been called a lot of things over the years. That ain't high on the list. Champion and challenger share a laugh. ZACK Infact, I was thinking about it the other day... unless I'm forgetting anything, it's been about four years since you and me wrestled one on one. LEON A lot's changed since then man. ZACK Like me being considered a stand-up guy now? LEON Way I remember it, it was virtually three on one last time. But hold no grudges, that's all in the past. I've gotten to know you in the succeeding three or four years and I can honestly say there's nobody else I'd rather be in that ring with come February 26th. We've been tag partners and stable mates and whatever else, but truth be told you've been more than that, because me trying to be an upstanding World Champion, that's your influence. You took great pride in being the flag-bearer of this company and I do the same. By leading by example. ZACK You're not calling me a mentor, are you? LEON No, I'm just sayi... ZACK I mean, because if you were, that'd make me feel damn old. LEON In that case yes, yes I am. They laugh again. ZACK I appreciate it though, really. And in return, I'll say there's probably no other guy I'd feel more secure in being OAOAST World Champion for the company's interests than you. LEON And vice versa. ZACK Obviously I'm looking forward to next week. Not just the shot at the title though, but the chance to go out and wrestle. No grudges, no personal issues. Just you and me in the spirit of competition. One thing's for sure... win lose or draw, you and me are going to tear the house down in Boston. LEON I hear that. May the best man win. The friends share a handshake as we fade out. COACH If anyone back there can bring me out a sickbag, that'd be good. COLE Coach, we're back on. COACH I know. COLE ...Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu, one on one for the OAOAST World Championship next week at the Celtic Spectacular.

we go up to the ring, to find Cuban Wall on his way slowly up the ring steps. COLE What is this now? I don't have Cuban Wall on my schedule tonight. COACH We have schedules!? COLE You used your's as a napkin when the corndogs came. I tried to warn you, bu... oh, wait, Wall's about to speak. WALL I got something to get off my chest, so I suggest you all shut the hell up. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" WALL All I hear lately is "Bohemoth this, Bohemoth that". And I'm sick and damn tired of it. So he won the Lethal Rumble? So what? I won the Rumble last year. And what did I get for it, huh? Did I get your respect? Were people talking about me all the time? No. Did I get some fancy interview in the ring with Michael Cole like Bohemoth did? No. COACH Yeah, what's up with that dawg? COLE Don't look at me! WALL Hell, I didn't even get my shot at the World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania. Yet Bohemoth wins the Rumble and they've done everything short of giving the guy a damn parade. And I'm sick of it. I've beaten Bohemoth before and I could beat him again, just like *snaps fingers* [i]that[/i]! And as far as World Champion goes, all I've got to say about hi... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Wuh-oh! Wall's head slowly turns to the entrance way, where the Number One Contender has apparantly heard enough and is marching to the ring! Not suited as he usually is, but in jeans and a dress shirt. Oh, and the orange-tinted sunglasses of course. Bo jogs up the ring steps and enters the ring, marching right past Wall to grab himself a microphone. With a scowl on his face, Wall stands his ground and the two bigmen go nose to nose. COLE We've got a staredown right here! And I think it's only going to get more physical from here! With the two big bulls locking eyes, Bo raises the microphone. BOHEMOTH PROVE IT! Throwing down the microphone, Bohemoth takes a step back and pulls off his dress shirt (to screams from the crowd, of course) and waves Wall on! COLE Wall said he could beat Bohemoth like that, it looks like he's going to get his chance right here! "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Still scowling, Wall glares right at the number one contender as he adjusts his gloves. WALL You just made the biggest mistake of your life, pal. Cause I'm gonna make sure you don't make it to AngleMania either. Down goes Wall's microphone, dropping into his fighting stance! COLE Oh, here we go! Here we go! Both putting up guards, Bo and Wall size each other up for a few seconds... before the number one contender suddenly bulls forward, tackling Wall off his feet and back into a corner, to a cheer from the crowd! Bohemoth quickly straightens up and unloads with overhand rights across the head of Wall, who tries to fight him off from underneath with bodyshots. In this time, referee Charles Robinson runs out from the back and calls for the bell to make the match official! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And there's the bell, this war is underway! COACH Not that these guys needed a referee to fight. Wall manages to push Bohemoth away, far enough to give himself some room to manoeuvre. Bo tries to move right back in but a meaty right hand cuts him off. Following after him, Wall lands another right on Bohemoth, then a couple of bodyshots, before a headbutt to the ear rocks him. The Cuban quickly dumps Bohemoth through the ropes and decides to take the fight to the floor. COLE Well this didn't start as a wrestling match and it hasn't resembled much of one yet. Coming up from behind, Wall grabs a hold of Bohemoth... *THUD!* ...and bounces his head off of the steel steps! COLE Ooh! Wall picks Bohemoth back up and turns him around, sending him into the ring apron this time. Staggered, Bohemoth rounds the ring in an effort to clear his head. But Wall catches up to him with a hard right hand to the back of the head, then throws him into the ring again. "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" Rolling back into the ring Wall puts up his dukes, waiting for Bo to get back up. He lands with another hard right, then goes back to the ribs with a bodyshot. Leant up against the ropes, Bohemoth is whipped across the ring and Wall throws his boot up... but gets CAUGHT! Able to stop himself Bohemoth catches the foot, throwing Wall off balance before dropping him with a clothesline! COLE What a clothesline, not often you see Wall being knocked off his feet after one attack but then again, there's not many people who match Wall for size and power like Bohemoth. Backed in a corner, Wall is worked over with a series of shoulder thrusts up against the turnbuckle before being whipped across the ring. Hitting the opposite corner, he's sandwiched with another clothesline. COACH There's even less people who can throw Wall around like that. Bohemoth comes off the ropes with Wall staggering out, leaving his feet with a shoulder tackle to knock the big Cuban down again! He follows with a cover... 1... 2... No! Bohemoth takes Wall by the hair and puts him face-first into the top turnbuckle. The Meterosexual Monster turns Wall around and goes to work with some right hands of his own, not quite as well-placed but every bit as hard hitting as his opponent's. COLE Cuban Wall and Bohemoth the two most recent Lethal Rumble winners doing battle in an impromptu match here on HeldDOWN~!, we are live in Chicago and we thank you again for joining us tonight. Taking hold of Wall's arm, Bohemoth whips him corner to corner again. But this time his charge faulters, running right into Cuban Wall's raised boot! COLE You might say Bohemoth just ran into a brick Wall! COACH Or you could say he ran into his foot and stop reaching for lame ass puns that nobody'll laugh at anyway. Shaking off the effects of the boot Bohemoth turns around, only to find himself grasped around the throat! Wall grasps onto the jeans of his opponent and surprises everyone by driving Bohemoth into the mat with a CHOKESLAM!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH THERE'S some power! COLE Huge chokeslam, that could do it right here! The 2009 Rumble winner, in danger of losing to the 2008 winner! Wall hooks a leg and covers... 1... 2... NO! Glaring at the referee, Wall gets to his feet and stalks Robinson for a bit. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Cuban Wall stomps Bo in the head as he tries to sit up, continuing to put the boots to him until the referee bravely steps back in to reprimand him. With another glare to the ref Wall picks Bohemoth back up. He measures the number one contender, then pops him with a big right hand. And another. COLE This would be a major coup for Cuban Wall, if he could beat Bohemoth here tonight, the man with a guaranteed main-event spot at AngleMania VIII. It could go some way to getting him back into the World Title picture. COACH It'd make a statement. And Cuban Wall's all about making statements, the more physical the better. Hooking Bohemoth up, Wall exhibits his power again by taking Bo up for a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Back to his feet Bohemoth rests against the turnbuckles, catching Wall approaching with a boot to the gut. Wall shrugs it off though, then starts blatantly choking Bo in the corner! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Breaking the choke, Wall answers the count, but then lays into Bohemoth with a sucker punch to further agitate the referee. COLE This has been as much a street fight as a wrestling match, these two heavy hitters battling it out in their street clothes. COACH Thanks for the fashion update, queer eye. Once the referee's done warning him Wall pulls Bohemoth out of the corner. After a boot to the gut, he comes off the ropes and SLAMS his boot into the side of Bo's head! Bohemoth stays up somehow, but a clothesline changes that and Wall looks for the cover... 1... 2... NO! Slowly picking Bohemoth back up, Wall begins to set him for a Double Arm DDT. As soon as he hooks one arm though, Bohemoth comes to life and barges Wall back into the turnbuckles! COLE And back comes The Meterosexual Monster! Wall hits the buckles hard and has the wind further knocked out of him by some shoulder barges, as the Chicago crowd roar Bohemoth on. After a fourth charge he stands up and punches Wall, then looks for an irish whip. Wall reverses the whip though, then crushes Bohemoth with an Avalanche in the corner! COACH You might say Bohemoth just hit the Wall! COLE I... hate you. So very much. With a cocky smirk on his face Wall draws Bohemoth out of the corner, then puts all he has behind muscling the bigman up and over his shoulder looking for a powerslam. However, he puts a little too much in, allowing Bohemoth to slip down the back to his feet. Wall turns around, but not quickly enough to prevent a huge clothesline, knocking him off his feet! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Both men are down after that and referee Robinson puts a count on them. COLE What a battle we're seeing here. Two of the biggest and baddest in the OAOAST going at it, the two most recent Lethal Rumble winners. One on course for the AngleMania main-event, one who didn't even get the chance to cash in. COACH Thanks to PRL. COLE Thanks to Stephen Joseph Popick putting it on the line. And Spanish Fly, who lost it for him. Besides, Cuban Wall got his title shot eventually and he lost fair and square. COACH Yeah, but that's different and you know it. At the count of six both men are back to their feet. Bohemoth strikes first with a boot to the gut and pulls Wall in, setting him up for a powerbomb. Not having any of that, Wall quickly pushes Bo away, then catches him as he rebounds back off the ropes, with a big hand around the throat! Wall gives the signal for another Chokeslam. But Bohemoth fights out with a couple of boots to the gut, then hooks Wall up with a vertical suplex! COLE Up and down goes the big Wall, he's not used to that I don't imagine. Wall picks himself up in the corner and gets sandwiched with a big clothesline. Punches then rain in, forcing him down into a seated position against the bottom turnbuckle. Bohemoth quickly hits the ropes and smashes him with the FACEWASH!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Flat of the boot, right to the SKULL~! Dragging Wall out, Bohemoth hooks up a leg... 1... 2... NO! Bohemoth picks Wall back up, smashing him with a couple of right hands before attempting an irish whip. A reversal by Wall sets Bohemoth up for a BIG BOOT~! though! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH There's a receipt. COLE The boot from Wall this time, will that be all? Cover by Wall... 1... 2... NO! COACH Uh-oh, Wall looks pissed now. COLE When doesn't he!? Clenching the fists, Wall goes into hands of stone mode as he lays into Bohemoth repeatedly with body shots against the corner. He casts a warning glare at referee Robinson as he backs up, coming at Bohemoth with a big Avalanche! Looking a little bit happier now, he backs up again and delivers a second Avalanche! Bohemoth sinks in the corner as Wall holds up a finger, indicating he's got one more yet. And with another cursory glare to the referee, he charges... ...and finds NOBODY home! COLE Well went once to the wall... uhm, I mean once to the well... he missed, okay? Turning around, Wall gets scooped up and DRIVEN with a Front Spinebuster in a sudden show of power from the 2009 Lethal Rumble winner!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE SPINEBUSTER! COACH But can he get him up again, that's the question. Fired up Bohemoth marches around the ring with the fans on his feet. He comes to a stop, looking out into the Chicago crowd, who certainly believe he can do it. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! COLE The idea got the thumbs up, will Cuban Wall be getting the emphatic thumbs down though? Watching Wall back to his feet Bohemoth lays in a boot. With a handful of hair he holds Wall in place while he gets a deep breath, knowing the resulting lift is going to be no mean feat. But to the crowd's approval, he manages to get the 285 pounder up into his arms! Unable to carry him for long he doesn't waste time getting in position, before swinging him around... ...out... ...and DOWN~! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Erotic Awakening Of B!! On the Cuban Wall, what a show of power!! As the crowd go wild, Bo makes the pin... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Bohemoth is ROLLING towards AngleMania!! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOO - HHHEEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOTTHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Scaling the turnbuckles Bohemoth raises his arms in victory, a brief show of left-over intensity which soon wears off. As soon as he steps off the ropes he's completely calm, cool and collected again looking down at Cuban Wall. Bohemoth's hand is raised again to confirm the win by the referee. COLE And the question is, just who is going to stop The Meterosexual Monster? He won the Lethal Rumble, he just beat last year's winner in Cuban Wall... are we looking at the next OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? COACH Hey, I sure wouldn't bet against him. Even I've gotta admit, that was impressive. Bohemoth climbs out of the ring and calmly walks to the back, leaving Wall clutching his back in the ring. COLE Do you think Wall would like an in-ring interview still? COACH I know I'd like to see you try. I'd [i]really[/i] like to see it infact.

FWIW, the second half of Austin/HHH vs. Benoit/Jericho made it onto the Best Of WWF 2001 countdown DVD.