RHR

IMPACT REVEW Event starts with Jarett's music hitting. Jarrett comes to the ring to hype up his 6 way match at the KING OF THE HILL PPV. Before he can continue, new Commissioner Bob Uecker's music hits. As he hits the ring, he blows off Jarrett, and tells Jarrette that he'll get his chance. But, to make sure that Jarrett's power isn't too strong, he needs a GM to balance the sides properly, to run things. As Jarrett protests, saying that as the TNA NWA TVC CHAMPION he should be running things...Uecker tells him the decision is final. Ladies and Gentlemen, your new General Manager...............SLEDGE HAMMER! Sledge Hammer's promo: "Listen up you yogurt-sucking scumbags, there's a new way of doing things here in TNANWATVC. First off, Jarrett, the fans are sick of you hiding behind weaker opponents. So, tonight, as my first act as General Manager, you will meet AJ Styles in WINE SQUASH match. That's right, you and AJ will meet in a pool filled with grapes. First man out, is the new TNANWATVC champion. Now wipe that look off your face you long-haired hippie. Next, looks like we have some scores that need to be settled in back. Well, I think we need to fit as much action as possible into IMPACT...so....tongiht, an 8 man Tag Match. Raven, Alex Keaton, Skippy, and Petey Williams....you will meet up against DDP, Mike Seaver, Boner, and Sabin. Also, Keaton and Seaver...since your girlfriends like geting involved so much, we'll have one-on-one match between Ellen Reid and Kate. That's all for now you weak, pathetic pacifists. And Jarrett, don't look so worried. Trust me, I know what I'm doing" As we come back from commercial, we see Webster, Kenny (Bud) and Arnold Jackson with Shark Boy. They feel slighted by everyone, because people think they're a joke. Shark Boy jumps up and down, and has an idea. They run off down the hall, bumping a pissed off Jarrett on the way. Jarrett is steamed, and meets up with Nash and Hall. The Kings of Wrestling don't need this crap. He can't believe that just to keep the company going they signed up with a bunch of has-beens who haven't done jack in years. Commissioner Uecker needs to be brought down. Into frame come the ZAPPED boys, with new trophy, Nicole Eggert. Baio tells Jarrett that they have a common enemy, thus common ground. To show his desire to work togehter, Baio holds up a now RIPPED Bo Jackson Nike poster. Baio says, "I took care of one of your problems, you take care of one of mine. You know who." COMMERCIAL BREAK Great, so far, no wrestling at all. Two segments. No wrestling. This is the turnaround of NWATNA? As we come back from break, it looks like we have our first match. Finally. Abyss vs. BG James (w/ 3LK) Grapple to start, as Abyss throws BG into the corner. Hard chops to BG, Irish whip to opposite corner. Abyss crosslines BG into oblivion, when Konnan hist the apron, distracting the ref. Truth with a drop kick to Abyss. Double team by BG and Truth, when Webster, Arnold, and Shark Boy hit the ring. Webster, Kenny (Bud) and Arnold take out BG while the ref calls for the bell. Shark Boy is getting pummled by Truth, but Abyss manages to take out Truth. Konnan tries to intervene, but, is greeted with a Black Hole Slam out side the ring! 3LK heads for the hills, as Shark Boy, Arnold, and Webster get on their knees and begin to worship Abyss. WINNER: BG James (3:14 by DQ) Veridct: Too short, but, builds up Abyss as a leader/father figure type to these troublesome misfits. Truth really needs to get away from this crap. * COMMERICAL BREAK We cut back to the ring. and Bob Uecker is in the ring for our legends ceremony. Standing next to him is Henry Winkler and the copy of the 1993 World Series program. Uecker mentions how neither of these two have anything whatsoever to do with wrestling, but, since when did that matter. Before he can finish, the Kings of Wrestling hit the ring. Jarrett with a guitar shot to Uecker, Hall with the Razor's Edge to Winkler, and Nash goes for the World Series program, but, while bending down to grab it, tears a quad muscle. Hall, standing over Winkler, pulls out a flask and takes a long pull. Slowly down the ramp come Baio, Ames and Eggert. Baio stands over Winkler, and tells "Fonzie" that it's over now. Looking at a startled Winkler, Baio tells him that he just got "Zapped". COMMERICAL BREAK OK. Three minutes of shitty wrestling so far? What the hell is going on? And, why are Baio and Jarrett together? Back from break, my god, finally a match. Raven, Alex Keaton, Skippy, and Petey Williams vs. DDP, Mike Seaver, Boner, and Sabin Petey and Sabin to start. Good back and forth action, crowd finally coming alive. Williams with a missle kick off middle rope, into a headlock. Sabin puses Williams in the corner, goes for suplex, but Williams lands on feet. Hits Sabin with drop kick, then throws on Anklelock. Sabin rolls over, bridges, and kicks Williams with free leg. Sabin grabs Williams, T-Bone Powerbomb! Sabin covers, 1,2, no. Sabin grabs Williams, heads to corner, tags in Seaver. Seaver with fists to Williams, Williams whips Seaver into ropes, is met with brutal roundhouse from Seaver. Skippy pulls pants down to reveal whitey tighties, distractin ref long enough for Keaton to hit hurricana on Seaver from Top Rope.; Seaver down, Sabin with the tag to Raven. Raven in, DDT to Seaver. Cover, 12no. Raven gives DDP finger. Crowd really getting into this, Sabin chants huge, which Skippy seems to be dancing to. Raven tags in the dancing Skippy, who, apparently confused, gives German suplex to Raven. Getting an opportunity, Seaver tags in DDP, who clears out Skippy. Raven and DDP battle into the corner, Skippy back in, taken out by Boner with the BonerSpear. They battle to corner, as Keaton runs to aid Skippy. Sabin meets with spinning dropkick. This prompts Petey to over to Sabin, whipping Sabin into corner. Goes for Acid Drop, but is countered by Sabin who gets what appeared to be a Half Nelson/Sit-out powerbomb. Simply awesome. All 8 men in ring now, battling in opposite conters. Skippy, Raven, Keaton and Petey all start pounding their respective rival. Seaver goes crimson from Keaton's vicious fists. Crowd chanting Boner! Boner! Boner! in an act of deparation, Boner whips Skippy towards opposite corner, at exact same time Seaver whips Keaton, Keaton and Skippy collide, and stagger around, while Sabin suplexes Williams towards middle of the ring. DDP is kicked hard by Raven, Raven turns 180 and hits Raven pose. He stops and sees Keaton, Williams, and Skippy staggering in middle of the ring. Then, at the EXACT same time, DDP, Seaver, Boner, and Sabin, all hit DIAMOND CUTTERS!!!! All four men cover, ref back up, 123. WINNERS: Sabin, DDP, Seaver,. Boner ( 13:16) Veridict: Great back and forth. Seaver and Keaton are two great workers. Awesome sequence at end of match, the Diamond Cutters at the same time looked cheesey, but, great. *** COMMERCIAL BREAK In the back, we have Uecker getting attended to by a doctor. SledgeHammer strolls up with TRINITY AND TRACY on his arms. Sledge tells Uecker he'll make sure that Baio stays in control of himself. He also tells Uecker he's gonna need protection. Uecker agrees, and, looking at Trinity and Tracy, looks back at Hammer and tells him that Sledge is gonna need some, too. COMMERCIAL BREAK Sledge Hammer is the mack daddy pimp of pimps. He makes Teddy Long look like something outta Revenge of the Nerds. Back from break, and we have a match. ELLEN REID vs. KATE It's Alex's ex vs. Seaver's ex. And I gotta tell ya, the years have been good to both of these ladies. Ellen with the chops to cate, whips Kate, Kate goes over top rope in corner, and to the outside. Kate goes for the plancha, but meets nothing but Mat, as Ellen rolls out of the way. Ellen goes top rope, MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE!!!! Kate appears done for at this point, but manages to kick out at 2! Ellen picks up Kate, goes for Twist of Fate, but Kate counters and puts Boston crab on Ellen. Kate locks it in hard, then, to the crowd's delight, shows Ellen's goods!!! Ellen taps out in embarassment. Kate struts around ring, and at the top of the ramp a shadowy figure appears. Ellen's head whips around as Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" starts playing. The lights go out. When they come back on, the shadowy figure is gone. WINNER: Kate (5:08) Verdict: Short, but sweet. The distraction at the end was intetersting to say the least. *** COMMERCIAL BREAK MAIN EVENT: AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett A huge basket like thing is in the ring, filled with grapes a la' I Love Lucy. AJ's muisc hits, and he sprints! out to the ring, hits the apron, bouches off top rope, does a FROGSPLASH into the bucket!!! He stands up, mouth full of grapes, does the Triple H pose, and spits the grapes. Huge smile on face. Jarrett's music hits, and he's on his way to the ring with Hall, Nash (now in wheelchair with a cast on leg, a face protector on face, and an ALF band aid on right index finger, and the ZAPPED boys. Jarrett has the stick! and says, no way in hell he's going to wrestle in that damn thing. He climbs into ring, and gets up in AJ's face, telling him he's not worthy of being the NWATNATVC champion. Jarrett turns around to leave, but, AJ reaches down into the grapes, and pulls out, THE BO JACKSON NIKE POSTER!!!! The poster wraps itself around Jarrett's head, causing Jarrett to fall into the pit of grapes! Hall and Ames go for the save, pulling the BJNP off of Jarrett. Nash raises arms to clap, but, pulls tricep and blows out rotator cuff in the process, as he falls to floor screaming like a little girl. AJ is pounding away at Jarrett, and nails the Styles clash!!!! AJ hops over the side of bucket! We have a newwwwww TNANWATVC CHAMP!!!!! But, out comes DUSTY RHODES!!!! Since BJNP was waiting in the bucket for Jarrett, he's reversing the decision!!! Sledge Hammer comes out and SHOOTS A HOLE THROUGH DUSTY'S CHEST!!!!! Sledge Hammer, " I don't EVER, NEVER, EVER....WANT TO SEE THAT FUCKING TYPE OF FINISH AGAIN, GODDAMMIT!!!" Dutch Mantell comes out to check on Dusty, but is blindsided by DANNY TANNER!!!! TANNER WITH CHARISHOTS TO DUTCH, AND THEN TO SLEDGEHAMMER!!!! SLEDGEHAMMERS GUN DISCHARGES, KILLING MANTEL INSTANTLY!!! The 1993 WORLD SERIES PROGRAM AND A HALF EATEN MARSHMALLOW PEEP COME IN TO STOP TANNER, BUT UNCLE JOEY AND UNCLE JESSIE PUT A STOP TO THAT!!!! In the ring, AJ is overpowered by the Zapped boys and Jarrett, until the FULL HOUSE GUYS HIT THE RING AND CLEAR OUT EVERYONE WITH CHAIRSHOTS!!! MONTY BROWN STROLLS TO THE RING WEARING A CARDIAGAN AND KAHKIS!!!! He steps into ring, shakes hands with the Danny, Jessie, and Joey. MONTY looks at the carnage, and says, looks like it was a FULL HOUSE tonight, bitches. We takin' over!!! Jessie and Joey pick up Jarertt, and let him go as MONTY hits the POOOOOUNNNNNCCEEEEEEE on Jarrett. Hall cradles Nash into the ring, and, the FULL HOUSE IS IN THE HOUSE!!! THE OUTSIDERS ARE JOINinG MONTY AND THE GANG!!! And we're out.... I gotta tell ya, this is an intersting and new direction for NWATNA to go. They needed fan interest, and, they needed money. Plus, with Dusty and Dutch gone (this appeared real, as Dutch's head was a fine mist thanks to the overwhelming power of Sledge's .44 ), the booking can only get better. At this point, all bets are off, everyone is a contender. This is also much, much better tban anything WWE can offer right now.

Y2J...Lesnar main evented Wrestlemania, he is a former World Champ, he is a known name...he can work with smaller guys...he'd be a great additon to TNA. However, knowing what kind of $$$ the guy can make, there is about as much a chance of him signing with TNA as there is my impending 3way relationship with Natilie Portman and Keira Knightley happening.

UPDATE!!! The Bo Jackson Nike Poster has pulled out of the upcoming PPV, despite being heavily hyped for the last month, due to a backstage confrontation with a copy of a Deion Sanders rap album.

I'm sorry...but...I would never consider it harassment if some wrestlers took my hat and were playing around with it...if anything...I'd probably be drunk, too...and I'd talk some smack....and Dave would sit me down and tell me that me lashing out at him, is really a sign of my not loving myself. He'd ask me to think about it, and to remember that he, Dave Batista, has feelings, too. Then, just for fun, he'd Batista Bomb an innocent bystander to cheer me up.

Drugs? My friend, I don't do drugs. Unless you consider crack a "drug". Then, yeah, I guess you are right.

The Shins---Chutes Too Narrow

What is this "smackdown" you all speak of?

BEST TRIPLE POST EVER!!! (Ya know...Funaki and all)

(Rubs hands in an...tic...i...pation) The idea of an all-out X divison PPV would rock the house. If they somehow managed to line that up, I think all of us who would love to see TNA make it somehow, should start spreading the word that we WANT that kind of PPV, and that we would BUY that PPV. If the internet smarks got the word out, we could tip the buyrate just a little bit.

I love the comment on how he would never go to Hollywood full time....hey, Trips....that's like me saying I wouldn't really commit to a 3 way relationship with Natile Portman and Keira Knightley.... I mean, jesus, the balls of this guy...for the last time...TRIPLE H WOULD BE NOTHING IF THE ROCK WASN'T IN HOLLYWOOD, AUSTIN-FOLEY-ANGLE ET AL HAD NEVER BEEN HURT AND IF HE WASN'T MARRIED TO STEPH. He would be a has-been overbulked up piece of crap. Instead, all of the above is true, and he's our World Champion (title held up, whatever...) I just don't like the guy on TV or in his public appearances. He just comes across as a really lucky asshole. And, yeah, I'd say it to him up close. With ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

(Ducks in, sees a conversation about Sable) Huh. Well. Umm...maybe Vince can bring back Luger, Bagwell, and Gunn. Call the stable... TotallyBuffAss!!!! (runs out to avoid flying objects)

I realized I haven't really put a decent thread or post out there for awhile (with the exception of my BRILLIANT PPV of TV stars), so, in the intrest of fairness...I got to thinking...I really like some of the guys in TNA, and, if they fold, where will they go? We all know that Jarett, Hall, Nash, Savage, et al are pretty much done with Vince...but...who would Vince go after? Would an influx of TNA guys pick up the boredom that has become the WWE? What I would ideally like is for Bischoff and Heyman to tell Vince to go to hell. If Bisch can get those investors back from when he almost bought WCW, and realize that Heyman is a visionary...they could splinter off from WWE. The guys that Heyman still has loyalty from (Tazz, the Dudleys. Dreamer) might be tempted to join Paul E. Bisch has no loyalties, but, he may be able to convince a few guys to ask for release as well. Take these two guys, and start a new promotion. Hell, Bisch could buy the TNA name from Panda and use what little name power it has. Paul E has no love for the KOW guys, but, could work wonders with AJ, Sabin, Daniels, et al. Since none of this will/would happen...the next logical step is for some of the TNA guys to end up in WWE. Who do you guys see as being WWE-worthy? My picks: Monty Brown---Vince loves him some big ex football guys. Abyss---would end up being some sidekick type AJ Styles---would join with Paul London, Akio, and Chavo to make Velocity the best show WWE has to offer All of Team Canada---Eh, cheap Canadian pops come off great on TV They would all, of course, be wasted. But, who else would fit some place in the WWE?

According to the Metzler: "Sources are saying that the matches for the next TNA PPV will be a Bullrope match between Chachi and Commisioner Uecker's "surprise", a rematch of the thrilling three way match, this time, with a ladder. The main event will be an Elimination Chamber style match for the Belt between Jeff Jarrett, a one armed 7 year old boy, an inanimate carbon rod, a program from the 1993 World Series (Phillies vs. Blue Jays), a Bo Jackson Nike poster, and Randy Savage. This setup is leading some to think that Jarrett is protecting his spot a little bit too much."

Umm...did you read the review at all? With one weighing 320 lbs, and the other looking like a chick only DK could get....it gets no stars.

If London keeps his head down, doesn't complain, and continues to build up a grass-roots smark filled fan base, he will continue to grow in popularity...and when Vince/Steph/Shane/Trips et al look up and see this "vanilla midget" as the only vet standing amongst the steroid freaks....we have the HBK/Benoit/Eddie of the new age...

Man. No witty comments. Geez. Maybe this thread is dead. NEVER!!!!!! IT SHALL LIVE ON FOR ALL TIMES UNTIL WE HAVE MORTALITY ONLY TO FIGHT!!!!! (or a mod shuts it down)

Yeah...what he said...punk.

I would pretty much say that I think that TNA was really screwed up by all of the people in charge. Each one has a hand in the shit that is going on. The sad thing is, the guys with no say...THE WRESTLERS...are really trying to make this thing work. I feel somewhat bad for AJ, Truth, Elix, Daniels, Sabin, Kash, the Canadians, etc....they are really trying to make this thing work...yet those in charge...think Randy Savage and fucking the Outsiders will pull people in. It's crap.

Corey...I explained this to you...I was nervous...it happens to everyone, ya know...besides...the ball gag was way too tight...and you knew that...

Ok. I've been playing all you guys. I'm just here at SmartMarks trying to get all of you to like me. Then, I'm going to reveal my real identity. Hoping that you appreciate our friendships, you continue to like me. Then, you start posting all over the internet, that I am the best there is, and that I just need the right promotion to give me a chance to shine. To give me the spotlight, the limelight, the main events, and the World Championship. I need you all to support me in this crusade. I need the world title. Ok. I just want a shot at the world title. Ok. Howsabout the Tag title? Shot at the Tag title? A mid-card feud? An opening jobber match? A dark match? A place to sleep? Some food? Got a buck? Can you spare a cigarette? Hey. Ten bucks. I'll suck your cock. Five. Ok, two. Just, not in the eye.... Yours truly, Billy Gunn

The difference between the TNA board and the WWE board is that so few people follow TNA, that we have time to get to know each other through tasteless jokes and crass comments, unlike the WWE board, which has to constantly update on JBL's overness.

KEITH SCOTT'S REVIEW OF TVLANDAMANIA I Arnold Jackson vs. Webster Crusierweights to open. Arnold sporting red cut off sweatshirt with 4 DANA on back. Webster with outside moonsault to start. Arnold rolls in and hits Juvi Driver on Webster, goes for pin. Hot trade dropkicks, leading to a rollup pin attempt by Webster. Kickout at two. Webster rolls to outside. Arnold climbs to top rope, walks along rope, hits SSP off middle of rope to the floor! Webster rolls Arnold in. Goes for pin. Lights in arena turn off at two. Lights back up. Webster and Arnold laid out. Heavy crimson. In middle of ring, COCKROACH hits Raven pose. Lights back down. Winner: None(11:17) Verdict: The SSP off middle of top rope is SOTY contender. End of match leads to future 3way dance in this hot division. ***1/2 Mike Seaver/Boner vs. Alex P Keaton/Skippy Seaver and Boner out in matching Brown leather jackets. Skippy tries top rope plancha, hits rope too hard and knocks self out. Boner does the exact same thing after Keaton gives him $5. Seaver and Keaton battle to outside. Seaver with kendo stick to Keaton knee. Seaver rolls Keaton in, Keaton kick out at 2. Keaton with belly to belly. Outside interference from Seaver's girlfriend. Seaver rolls up Keaton. Kick-out at two. Ref distraction by Seaver's girlfriend again, until Keaton's old flame Tracy hops barrier and brings down Seaver's girlfriend. Keaton hits the Money Clip on Seaver. Seaver taps. Winner: Keaton (12:22) Verdict: Far better than it should have been. Interference and finish verrry hot. *** Mary Kate vs. Ashley How far the powerful can fall. Mary Kate comes to ring in halter and tights, she must be tipping at least 320 these days. Ashley down in ragtag sundress, looks like Courtney Love on a bad night. MK with power slaps to begin. Lifts Ashely up for powerslam. Great. Ashley with no undies on. MK falls backwards due to lack of any conditioning. Ashley picks up the win, then rolls to the outside of ring and collapses in a staged OD act. At least, it looked staged. Winner: Ashney(8:12, most of which was MK walking to the ring) Verdict: DUD Scott Baio comes out to no pop. Gets in ring. Cuts promo on how he was a STAR. He was THE boy toy. Runs down list of women he's had. Pam Anderson. Nicolette Sheridan. Savannah. You see, Chachi was a legend. But then, Willie Ames came up with the idea for Charles in Charge. And it was a bad idea. Tonight, he ends Charles in Charge, once and for all. Baio begins to burn effigy of Charles in Charge character. Willie Ames storms ring, tears down effigy. Tells Baio not to turn his back on the good days. Commisioner Bob Uecker comes to the ring, tells Willie and Scott to quit wasting time. Tells Willie that Scott is a has-been becuase of Charles and Charge, and that he is better without Willie's dead weight. Willie attacks Uecker, back and forth, leading to Baio taking out Uecker with the effigy. Baio and Ames stand over Uecker, Baio claims "Uecker...you've just been ZAPPED!" Verdict: Good setup to a reunion the world wanted. Great catchphrase. Danny Tanner vs. Jason Seaver vs. Frank Lambert 3 way ladder match The vignette showed the History of these three intense phenomenal atheletes. These threee men have been the leaders of three households that ruled Television. But which man is the best "dad" of all time. Enough History lets get to the match. Danny Tanner came out as the heel, Seaver came out as the face. Lambert came out as the wildcard. The match started of with Seaver and Lambert teaming up on Tanner. Tanner proved to be strong as he takes down Lambert with a low blow, and a running hight knee to Seaver. Lambertputs his body on the line when he gives Seaver and Tanner a moonsault from the top rope to the outside. Seaver with a ton of Germans, locks Lambert into the Sharpshooter. Lambert tapping, Tanner grabs his hand to stop it. Seaver goes crazy giving Lambert and Tanner numerous sharpshooters and suplexes.. After rolling to the outside, Tanner sets up Seaver for the Finest Breed, but Lambert comes over and double suplexes both through the announce table. Seaver is down. Lambert and Tanner battle to the inside. Hard slam to Lambert from Tanner. Tanner sets up the Finest Breed on Lambert, but Lambert flips Tanner over, sets up the Step by Step Stomp. Lambert with the cover, Tanner kicks out. Tanner up, finally hits the Finest Breed, and goes for win. Seaver out of nowhere breaks the two count. Lambert goes for Step by Step stomp on Seaver, Seaver reverses and throws Lambert over top rope. Tanner quick punch, goes for Fines Breed, but Seaver reverses into the Growing Pains Crossface. Tanner reaches for rope, Seaver rolls Tanner, locks GPC back in. Tanner finally taps out to a huge "Tap! Tap! Tap!" chant from crowd. Winner: Jason Seaver (31:03) Verdict: THE MOTY. Awesome three-way, finall getting Alan Thicke his props almost twenty years since his debut. Finally, the Canadian triumps over the arrogant prick. ***** Overall show: Get away from the women's match, and you have monster of a promotion. Can't wait for the Seaver/Baio show-down. ****

Maybe it's just that some people just don't have the 80's pop TV knowledge to carry this thread to an all-time high....they're just to busy farting and staring at their dicks... RHR...A MAN OF HIS WORD

The Full House thread takes the cake...this is nothing but dick and fart jokes... <goes to Full House Thread to make a dick and fart joke>

My favorites: Jericho...obvious. Lesnar...only because I had seen him wrestle in college, and had been telling my friends for months about this guy from OVW who was going to be HUGE... Snitsky...from nameless jobber with no intro...so main event at Survivor Series...pretty impressive... Booker T...for a moment I just said to myself, oh shit...here comes WCW...oh how wrong I was... The worst debuts? Deacon Batista...what the fuck... and... RHR...man...my first post is just horrible... <hangs head in shame for not knowing how the forums worked before his first post> <smiles...knowing that this thread actually belong in the General Wrestling category imho>