Swift Terror

Meredith Vieira went on a rant about gasoline prices on "The View". Curiously, she has been picked to be co-host of the Today Show on NBC. "We've been putting up with this for 5 years" "This is ridiculous" "I paid $60 to fill my SUV" "Why isn't Bush doing anything about this" Fix it, Bush, fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. FIX IT!! Snoop Dog went on an airport rampage in London and has been arrested. He and his crew were denied entry to a first class lounge, so naturally they got violent. Cries of racism to come shortly. Neil Young has released a new CD, Living with War, containing a song, "Let's Impeach the President". I couldn't find the lyrics to post here, but I just heard them. Uh, yeah. I knew jaded kids in the 8th grade that could write better lyrics than this. Sweden has decided not to participate in a peace-keeping exercise in Italy out of protest. They are angry that Israel is also participating. And Sweden remains a lovely geographic place to visit.

Alright, we all know most Liberals and the Left consider President Bush to be a radical Conservative, a real hard-line type. But now there is a recent development where you have hardcore Conservatives calling the president a Liberal, complaining about policies they feel are a betrayal of the Conservatives that voted him into office. One of these two groups is dead wrong. Which one? Is Bush a moderate you might wonder. Take immigration. The Left thinks he is a bigoted Conservative who wants to oppress the minorities. The newly-annoyed Right thinks he is a sellout to Liberals because he wants to explore the amnesty option and isn't doing enough to enforce strict border control. Religion. The Left thinks he is a dangerous religious fanatic who wants to form government policy based on fundamentalist Christianity. The others think he is selling out his religious values and his religious base by, for example, allowing private stem cell research. Economy. The Left thinks he is a "fat cat" type who wants to cater to the rich, while stepping on the throats of the poor. The others think his economic policy is a sellout to the Liberals, what with all the spending. One of the most vehement Conservative public voices against the president is radio talk show host Michael Savage. Savage feels Bush is a Liberal and even goes so far to say he should be impeached (I think his reason was something to do with locking out certain Conservative Senators from some important meeting). He recently said that Bush is the worst president in U.S. history. He pointed to Bush 41 and Clinton doing the fund raising gig together as a sign that the Bushes aren't really Conservative. What the frak? Oh I know, both sides are weirder than catshit and should go straight to Hell, 5th Ring, first Pit on the left.

I guess I'm lucky. Mrs Terror has never even mentioned a problem with laundry to me. We kinda do our own laundry, when I need to do some I'll collect anything she needs done, and vice versa. Lawn mowing blows. I must be doing something wrong regarding sharpening the blades, because even when I attempt to sharpen them, it still doesn't cut well. I'm thinking about throwing in the towel and paying some kid to do it, provided he uses his own mower.

Glad to hear Oliver Stone has dissed the 9/11 conspiracies. Maybe his WTC movie won't be an agenda-laden piece of shit after all. Every now and then Michael Medved has a "Conspiracy day" on his radio show. He takes calls from the most whacko conspiracy nuts out there. Great stuff.

I'm listening to 700 WLW in Cincinnati (Mike McConnell show) and their phone systems are completely down. They cannot take calls. So Mike (or one of his producers) decides to have people email to Mike's on-air address with their phone number and they will call them and put them on the air. The first guy they tried it with sounded pretty bad, but, hey I love this. I've never heard of this being done before. At least they're trying to keep the callers/fans happy. I'm tempted to try it, but I don't think my boss would cotton to it. Then again, that recent court ruling allowing workers to surf the net may give me an out. Apparently talking on the phone and reading the newspaper are similar to web surfing while at work, so I guess I can talk with Mike on company time.

Bookstores tend to attract a certain kind of person. These kooks are intelligent, but are social misfits and are just plain weird. I worked at a large Barnes and Noble in Cincinnati, in an up-scale part of town. The cafe was a hotbed of nutjobs. This one guy was pretty much a clinical OCD. He would come in at the exact same time every day, grab the same newspaper, order the same specialty coffee drink in a tall glass mug, and sit at the same table alone. Another guy came in around 4 or 5pm and would stay until closing at 11pm. This routine would go on for weeks and weeks continously, every day. He would bring a spread of notepads, claiming he was writing a sci-fi novel. One guy would wander around the store, picking books at random, althought often his "random" picks included large, full-color books from our Sexuality section. He would park himself in one of our large comfortable chairs and talk to himself loudly, flipping through the books. He would leave them splayed open for all to see. People would call to place books on hold and come later to pick them up. Often these people would call one location and then show up at ours looking for their book. Some would get quite upset when we didn't have their book. When we called around and found their book at another location, they usually just slinked off, mumbling an apology. Once, this one guy was really giving it to us, I mean calling us the scum of the earth for not having his book. He was one of these "I'm better than you and you'd better start kissing me feet right now." We of course found it at another location. I took great glee in keeping a stone face and telling him that he had called a different store and that they had his book on hold, just like he asked. He acquired a dumb look on his face and just left, not saying a word. Dick. Some people would steal from us. Yes, hard to believe I know. This one guy really went the extra mile to try and get away with it. He stole a lot of expensive books. I can proudly say that I was the one who figured out what he was doing, and finally identified him as the thief. We could order any book in print and we had a computer system to place orders. This guy would order a $50-$100 book using several different made up names. He would then come to the counter and ask to see his book. He would then wander off to some corner of the store, stuff it down his pants or some such thing, and boogie out the door, unnoticed. I started tracking the books that were missing and connecting them all to these names that I recognized as people in the media. Robert Novak was one name he used. Then I found a missing book where he actually used his real name. Gotcha, sucka. Yeah, I know, real junior G-man stuff.

You've given a topic to write about in my blog. Crazy retail customers never get old. I've got to talk about the kooks we got at Barnes and Noble bookstore. (They're kinda similar to the DRC crowd.) They're a different breed from convenience store nuts.

Did any of the would-be rapists play lacrosse? That story sounded like a scene in every teenage movie from the 1980s. I too watched that World Series and I loved it when the Jays won. God I hate the Braves. If I recall, there was this one guy, no clue what his name was, he had longish blond hair, looked kinda Scandinavian and during one of the games he scored in Atlanta, got up from his slide, and mocked the crowd by doing the tomahawk chop at home plate. Awesome.

Eli Roth, director of "Cabin Fever", and "Hostel", was on with Neil Cavuto talking about the recent popularity of horror movies. He says it is a reaction to the terror that people see on TV in these times and they need a place to vent. He said horror movies were on the decline during the Clinton years because it was a period of calm. He said that anger over Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld, and the fact that "the government did nothing" in the aftermath of Katrina is causing people to want to vent and scream during a horror movie. Uh, yeah right. The host was taken aback by these comments, and brought up Psycho and asked Roth whether that had anything to do with a reaction to the Kennedy administration. Roth said no, it was merely a reaction to [1950s serial killer] Ed Gein. He's right, but I guess he momentarily forgot about his theory of Clinton/Bush. He later said horror movies declined in the late 80s because they had become a joke, lots of sequels, nothing new. I guess he forgot that it was because of the calm of the Clinton administration. Roth has always seemed like an intelligent guy to me in the interviews I've seen. Check that, he is smart, that is obvious when you listen to him. But he lives in a very insular, provincial-minded world that leads to the nonsense of his comments on Cavuto's show. Two Duke lacrosse players have been arrested and will face rape charges. Sorry, don't have a clue, I thought lacrosse was a new car model by Buick.

I like tennis. Still use an 85 in. Wilson, not those silly "mid-plus" and oversize crap. You killed someone? Self-defense or murder?

There must be something wrong with me because I can't remember the first time I drove by myself with a real license. The first car I drove alone was my parent's blue early 70s Volkswagon Beetle. Whatever my first experience was, it must've been pretty boring.

Wednesday's new South Park was off the charts. If you didn't see it, it was the 2nd part of a 2 part episode, featuring Cartman trying to stop an episode of "Family Guy" from running. In the episode, Family Guy is going to show Mohammed, sparking a worldwide controversy. Cartman pretends to be concerned about the showing of an image of Mohammed, but really just wants Family Guy off the air because he just doesn't like the humor in the show. Kyle, on the other hand, wants to get the network to air the show, and succeeds at the last minute. So we see the scene play out in Family Guy, but Mohammed is censored...by Comedy Central. They wouldn't let an image of Mohammed appear on South Park. Then they show an Al Qaida cartoon featuring Jesus and Pres. Bush crapping on each other, no censoring. Absolutely brilliant. A Comedy Central executive was quoted as saying: (paraphrase) "In light of recent events, we feel we made the right decision (to censor the image of Mohammed)". He offered no further comment. Phil Hendrie had a great comment on this executive: "He had no further comment because he doesn't have the intelligence to back up his comments". Speaking of Al Qaida, people seem to be split on whether they want Zaccarius Moussaui to get the death penalty. Those that don't argue that death is what he wants so that he may be rewarded by Allah, etc. So therefore let him rot in a cell for the rest of his life. Deny him what he wants. I kind of agree with this. Life in cell would be worse than death for this guy. Unless there really is a Hell where people like him go...in that case, send him there, do not pass Go.

Comedy Central censored it for real...they wouldn't let Matt and Trey show Mohammed. But they had no problem allowing Jesus to be shown taking a shit on Bush. By their actions they only reinforced the point of the episode. In Part 1, Mohammed was "censored" as part of the plot--the fictional network executives censored Mohammed from Family Guy. But Matt and Trey were planning on showing Mohammed for Part 2.

I still shop at Wal-Mart quite often, mostly because it is close and it has the best prices. I go there despite the fact that I had the single most frustrating retail customer service experience of my life at a Wal-Mart. I mean the kind of thing the makes one want to drive home, get the Walther P-38 that you've been keeping hidden away, carefully inspect all the mechanisms, run a swab through the barrel, polish it up just to make it look nice, return to the customer service desk and go to town. I'd love to go over the particulars, but I honestly can't remember the details. The event made me so angry I think I've just tried to erase it from my memory. It involved a 4-drawer chest that my wife, then simply my girlfriend, wanted to buy after seeing an ad for it in a Wal-Mart flyer. We called ahead to make sure they had one in stock and were told yes. We got there and there was none in stock. From there it went downhill. There was something about employees in the furniture department claiming that they never spoke to us, a manager who didn't care, etc. The only thing I remember clearly is that I wanted all of them to die...by my hands. Yet I still shop Wal-Mart, but I've never been back to that particular location.

A local black activist, Kabaka Oba, was shot outside Cincinnati city hall in broad daylight. This guy has been doing the "down with the man", "down with the PO-lice" thing for years. He has raised two sons--both are in prison. He calls himself a General. A General of what I do not know. In the spring of.... 2001 I think....Cincinnati had riots for several days. The media portrayed the Cincinnati police as murderers, saying they killed 15 black men, and now things had reached a boiling point. That was a lie, in all but one instance the police were being fired upon by the suspect. Anyway, CBS called a local radio station yesterday asking "uh, hey, uh, you guys got any riots going on down there"? Well CBS, the dude who shot him is black so they really can't blame whitey on this one. Then again, I'm sure they'll find a way. The cops had a covert plan to get these two mad at each then sat back and waited for one of them to shoot the other.

ABC is rolling out a new "Ten Commandments" tonight. While listening to the various promos I always bust out laughing whenever Moses talks, not to mention just the audacity of remaking a DeMille classic is really treading on thin ice. The reason I laugh is the ridiculous upper crust Amero-British accent that Moses is sporting. Now, Hollywood has always given the ancient Romans British accents. Fine, whatever. The Romans need to come across as Imperial, the ruling elite, etc. and nothing says elite like a good British accent. But here we're talking ancient Egypt. Hebrews and Egyptians for crissakes. An ancient Hebrew with a British accent? All I can think of when I hear this guy's accent is Joan Collins in Dynasty. It's not really a pure British accent, more like a pretenious American blue blood trying to sound British.

By the way, the Red Sea parting does NOT look any better than it did in 1956. (It always looked fine to me, considering the technology with which they had to work.) Oh, and they shoulda got George Clooney to play Moses. He could've tossed in an alzheimer's joke, maybe have an entire alzheimer's subplot. Whoever the hell is playing Ramses is a wuss. Yul Brenner could simply look at the guy and he'd drop into a fetal position.

Very soon Roger Federer will compete to try and win the French Open with hopes of keeping alive his chance to win the Grand Slam for 2006 (he has already won the Australian Open). Paris in springtime and all that. But the pleasantries surrounding Paris will be far from Federer's mind. The French Open is a grueling, tough tournament that has denied glory to some one of the game's great players. Pete Sampras--who has more grand slam titles than anyone--never conquered the clay at Rolland Garros. McEnroe came within 1 game, but failed to pull it off in an agonizing defeat to Ivan Lendl. Of course the Australian Rod Laver did win the French Open and did win the Grand Slam--twice (1962, 1969). Since 1969, only Steffi Graf has won the Grand Slam (1988). Can Federer pull this off? Doubtful. There are too many Euros who grow up on clay and do nothing but play claycourt tennis. They dominate hard court and all-court players on clay. He's got about a 30% chance to win and I'm going to predict a victory. At this point, I believe his confidence and amazing ability will overcome the claycourt specialists. As dominant as Sampras was in his prime, the clay-courters knew they had a good chance against him on the red clay. I believe the clay-courters of today look across the net at Federer and aren't too sure they can actually win. That will be the difference.

Just watched PTI with the two hosts commenting on a controversy surrounding NBC's Dateline and NASCAR. Dateline wanted to investigate anti-Muslim sentiments in the country, based on a Washington Post/ABC News poll showing increased bigotry in America. Naturally they chose a NASCAR event to find the bigotry. NASCAR fans are largely from the South, people with southern accents are bigots, ergo, there will be plenty of bigots at a NASCAR event. The Dateline crew had Muslim looking men walking around at the race at Martinsville, Va. No one bothered them, there were no racial incidents. Wilbon was cool with what Dateline did, saying "NBC is trying to create news where news does exist". Oh, so Wilbon is indicting the NASCAR fans as bigots, with no proof. Neither one of the hosts mentioned that nothing happened to the two Muslim looking men. That didn't stop Wilbon from saying: "if there is something untoward happening towards these gentlemen, that they said at a racetrack, then why is it happening"? A lot of the time I like and agree with what Wilbon says. Then he pulls one of these and confirms to me that he has serious problems with race in this country.

I like Tony K., I used to listen to his radio show when it was on here in Cincinnati. Obviously he's there because of his humor. He knows no more about sports than I do. I was starting to become enamored with Wilbon because I liked the way he ripped on that punk Bode Miller. Other than that, yep he's an asshole.

Recently kkktookmybabyaway talked about turning 30. Yes, being in your 30s is a real shock if you were someone who was very active in their 20s. In my 30s, things began to hurt, ache and generally be sore that never were before after normal physical activity. I played a lot of tennis and golf in my teens and 20s. In my 30s, my shoulder would be killing me after a game of tennis, where that never happened before. And of course the "legs go". I remember when I took classes at Cincinnati State in my 30s. There was a huge hill with steps that you had to climb to get to the building. When I got to the top, I was a physical wreck and my legs, specifically the thigh muscles, were killing me. And it wasn't that bad really. I could've jogged up the steps easily at 25. Whenever I hear of a pro athlete who is just past his prime and has made some type of comeback and says "I'm in the best shape of my life" I just laugh. Sure you are. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to my 40s. I just wish these egghead scientists would perfect this whole nanotechnology thing. Molecular sized robots roaming around in your body, keeping your cells in pristine condition, all your muscles and organs in perfect health, forever. Let's get going, boys, staying young forever is a concept whose time has come.

The President of the United States is in Cincinnati to throw out the first pitch for Opening Day. I wish I were still attending classes at the University of Cincinnati just so I could take in all the Bush-hate. I won the office pool that I entered. I had 12 of the sweet 16 correct and UCLA and UCONN in the final. If it sounds like I'm bragging, I am. Why not, we all have to pimp ourselves every now and then. Too bad all the money I'm getting is going toward my wife's birthday present. I'm getting her an ipod. She had to go and use itunes to download songs, and since itunes crap won't play on things like creative labs mp3 players, which is less expensive, I have to buy the damn ipod. Phil Hendrie dictionary item of the day, courtesy of sweetfeatheryjesus.com: "Shark Shot": A standard maneuver taught to all members of the C.A.P (Citizen's Auxiliary Police). To be used when controlling a suspicious suspect. According to Jay Santos, the move is executed by "holding a riot stick like a pool cue and going right after the testicles".

You haven't watched the new season? The show dealing with Chef leaving was classic. And you're going to wait until season 8 is on DVD?...you are hereby given notice that you are declared to be a lapsed South Park fan. For shame.

Having no choice of cable provider sucks. My cable company in Cincinnati, Time Warner, has a standard tier of programs and then a few digital tiers. The digital tiers promise a better picture and more channel choices. One of the big selling points for the satellite providers is that ALL of their channels are digital. I received a letter last summer from Time Warner that stated that they were going to make all of their channels digital, in an effort to keep up with satellite. Well, I never heard another thing about it for months and decided to ask them about it. The response I got was a vague statement that all of the channels are digital. Huh? There has been no difference in the picture quality of the standard tier channels. Also, if all the channels are digital then why do they have a separate digital tier? God, I want to move to satellite, but I don't want to have to deal with outages due to weather. Borders and Waldenbooks are not going to allow the latest issue of Free Inquiry on their shelves. The secular humanist magazine is publishing the cartoons of Muhammed that have angered Muslims around the world. No word yet on whether Barnes & Noble will do same. Something tells me Borders carrys plenty of Mapplethorpe books. Actually, I'll have to cut Borders some slack. Their stated reason for not carrying the mag is the safety and security of their employees. That's reasonable and understandable, as opposed to not wanting to offend anyone. NYU did not allow a student group to show the cartoons as part of a discussion centering around the controversy. Academic freedom? Nah, none here. We all know the reason why they had blank easels instead of the cartoons. They don't want to offend Muslims on campus, who spoke out about them. However, there is no doubt they would show the famous piece of art with the crucifix in urine if that subject were discussed--and they should, as they should show the cartoons. But they don't worry about or fear Christians.

Just a few times is enough for me. My cable has never gone out, not once. It's the only good thing about it.