Toxxic

Danny Williams has always been 22 I think. Plus Insane Luchador was 23 for at least four years. Even Flesher skipped a year on ageing I believe.

I'm with J3 both on bear hunt and the Canadian Tour.

Toxx is exactly a year younger than me.

Bruce, I've saved every single match and promo I've ever written, plus some of the matches that beat me, and yet having a list of the results back that far worries even me.

I've always been told that Kivell was head ref.

If this really is the end of Janus in the SWF then I'm a sad, sad panda. And here I was hoping for Janus vs Nemesis at Genesis, too. However, if the big guy feels he has to move on, then so be it. Stick around though.

PROMO: Hangin’ On The Telephone SWF Smarkdown has just finished, but that doesn’t really matter to the young woman known in the professional wrestling business as Livvy Luscious. She hasn’t watched it regularly for a couple of years, although she does still occasionally tune in to remind herself how crap the wrestling is, how much better the independents are and how lucky she is that the SWF never came knocking at her door. It is at this point that the phone rings. She glances over, recognises the number, and fails to move from her chair. Five rings later and it hits the answerphone. “Hi, this is Livvy. I’m probably out kicking people’s asses right now, so please leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I’m done. Ciao!” “…Liv?” Livvy settles into her comfortable chair and thinks quiet thoughts. Although she knows it’s stupid, she never likes moving around when an unwanted caller (usually her bank) is leaving a message. She always thinks they’ll hear the noise and know she’s there. “Livvy? Bloody hell, pick up will you?” Liv rolls her eyes and continues to ignore the English-accented voice emerging from her answerphone. “I really need to talk to you.” Livvy’s full, vaguely pouty lips silently form the words ‘too bad’ and she looks at her watch to check how long it will be before the message gets cut off. There is a faint sigh from the speaker. “…Our Mutual Friend has come out to play.” For a moment Livvy just stares straight ahead, apparently frozen in shock. Then, much quicker than even she would have believed possible, she leaps out of her chair and lunges for the phone. She picks it up, jabs at the button to connect, and places it to her ear. “…what?”

Ground Zero 2005, or Ashes 2 Ashes 2004. Means I can go to the UK again. Otherwise... er, I'm supposed to remember where PPVs were? Anything that wasn't Ashes 2 Ashes was either on a World Tour or some random American location, and they're all the same.

For reference, the second 'Foreshadowing' promo made it clear that the person who broke Karl Winter's leg was probably NOT the Crimson Dragon, and was instead someone who knocked him out and stole his costume. In other news, BLANK GETS A MAINSTREAM TITLE OMGZ! You are now banned from any and all hardcore matches and have to smoke a pipe when doing promos Nemesis also looking good, I'm praying that it is actually a n00b and not a ringer. I mean, all new characters are good, but n00bs are somehow more satisfying than ringers because it means someone new's heard of us!

I was just testing my theory that you only turn up if I talk smack about you. Since Raynor's on the lookout for more markers I guess I'll be doing it some more

Edited for accuracy in nine cases out of ten.

That he is.

*knock-knock* “Come in.” “Yo,” Michael Stephens says stepping into the office, “what’s up?” “Mike,” Naomi Walters, more commonly known as Jet, grins back at her ex-boyfriend, “nice to see you. So, given that you have a World Title match in a week, what can I do for you? Need a sparring partner?” she adds mischievously. Stephens smiles in response, but his heart doesn’t seem to be in it. “Not exactly,” he tells her, “besides, you probably don’t kick hard enough. No,” he continues, sitting down in a vacant chair, “I wondered if I might be able to get some information out of you. See, a few days ago-” “You want to know about the Crimson Dragon, right?” Naomi says, cutting him off. Mike stares at her. “How-” “Mike, you really don’t pay attention do you,” she sighs, mock-frustrated, “you know I’m one of the SWF’s talent scouts now, which is why you came here, right?” Stephens nods. “Well, Philly is my patch and my hometown,” she reminds him, “so I keep an eye on things. And I know that Karl Winter trained at the same time as you in the same place as you, because I have all that sort of info on people. So when I heard he’d been injured in Philly in what was apparently some sort of revenge hit I found out a few things, especially since we were looking at hiring the Crimson Dragon at some point.” “…OK,” Stephens says, “that’s… foresighted of you.” “Hey, I’m not just a sex-crazed bisexual nymphette with stunning hair and a personality overdose,” Naomi grins, flicking her red-and-black dreadlocks back, “I also have fabulous dress sense. And I’m pretty smart too,” she adds, reaching behind her and grabbing a folder. “OK, first things first; you’ve spoken to your mate Karl? At least, I’m assuming that’s why you went to Philly.” “Yeah,” Mike says, “he had no idea why it had happened. I mean, he said he was getting the better of the guy, but unless he has a really bad temper-” “Let me cut you off right there,” Naomi says, shaking her head sadly, “because you’re already wrong. I hate to break it to you Mike, but after wrestling in the Philly indies for a couple of years, and my work now, I can virtually guarantee that Karl was not getting the better of the Crimson Dragon. Y’see,” she continues, “Karl Winter is well-known to local promoters as someone to book if you want to make guys look good. His execution of moves is great, his submissions look and are darned painful, and he has about as good an idea of how to plan and execute a strategy in the ring as he does of the sex life of the Three-Striped Barnacle, and don’t give me any crap about him being a natural history student because as far as I know they don’t exist except in my head.” “So he’s a glorified jobber?” Mike asks, looking a little pained. “Yup,” Naomi confirms, “he puts up more of a fight than most, or looks like he does, but nine times out of ten or better if his opponent is half-capable then Karl will lose. The other wrestlers in Philly like to be booked against him because he’s a nice guy, he never holds a grudge, and he looks a hell of a lot harder to beat than he actually is. By all accounts you can go out there and have what looks to most of the fans like an exciting, back-and-forth match and never be in much danger of losing. His body knows how to wrestle but his brain just gets in the way, and he’ll always do something stupid.” “Right,” Mike says slowly, “so the Dragon guy being embarrassed is probably out. Karl said they’d never wrestled before, and if he’s a nice a guy as you say and I remember…” he holds up his hands, confused. “Why’d this happen? What makes the Crimson Dragon or whatever the bloody hell he calls himself break someone’s leg, and Karl Mr-Nice-Guy Winter’s at that?” “Well, first of all, the Crimson Dragon didn’t do it.” Michael Stephens stares at his ex-girlfriend. There’s no trace of humour or dishonesty in her expression. “You what?” “Looks very doubtful, anyway,” Naomi concedes. “See, as soon as Karl was sorted the promoter went backstage to tear the Crimson Dragon a new hole and tell him he wasn’t working there anymore. When he got to the guy’s locker room he finds him on the floor, tied up and gagged, and with his costume missing. Unless he’d run back there as fast as he could, got undressed real quick and had an accomplice tie him up, hit him over the head - they checked for a bump, you know - and then run away real fast himself with the costume… well, let’s just say it seems unlikely.” “So someone attacked the Crimson Dragon before the match,” Stephens says dubiously, “stole his costume and then wrestled Karl, injured him and disappeared?” “That’s what looks like happened,” Naomi says, spreading her hands. “What can I say Mike? It looks like someone with a grudge was after Karl and rather than try and get on another show to do it in the ring he used the costume of the man Karl was meant to be wrestling that night, presumably because Karl would know him otherwise.” “Or he didn’t want to get caught for it,” Stephens points out. “Yeah,” Naomi admits, “but all the same… I can’t think of any of the Philly regulars who would have any reason to hold a violent grudge against Karl Winter, Mike. And I’m pretty sure the Crimson Dragon didn’t do it.” She looks at him, studying. “You can’t think of anyone who might want to hurt him, can you?” “I’ve barely spoken to him in four years,” Mike says, shaking his head. “I’ve no idea. Still, I guess this means I don’t have to take a trip down to Philly to beat someone up,” he says, “but let me know if you hear anything, yeah?” “Will do,” Naomi says, then looks at her watch. “Damn, Peters wants this report in soon… look Mike, I’ll let you know what I can but there’s a limit to what I can do, OK?” “No problem,” Stephens smiles, getting back up, “I’ll stop interrupting you. I’m just lucky that there’s someone I know and like working in the office these days.” He flips her a casual salute as he walks out of the door, “seeya later, and don’t let Peters work you too hard!” The door closes behind him. Naomi stares at it for a couple of seconds, then lets out a hiss of frustration before turning back to her desk and slamming the folder down it a little harder than strictly necessary. “Mike, you were probably one of the most intelligent guys I’ve been with,” she says to the empty air, “and you were damn sensitive and perceptive at times, which admittedly may have had something to do with the fact that you’ve now turned out to be pretty much gay,” she continues, “but goddamnit, you can be so damn dense that I want to bang your head into things.” She fixes her gaze onto a small, two-inch tall teddy bear that sits next to her PC. “For example, if I was in your situation I’d be asking me how big the Crimson Dragon is, to see how big someone stealing his suit would be. Maybe that would give you a clue if the culprit is someone you know. And hey,” she continues, jabbing the bear with a pen, “perhaps if someone says that they’ll let you know what they can but there’s a limit to what they can do, you’ll work out that they’re trying to tell you that they know more than they’re letting on, but they can’t tell you because otherwise their boss will fire them. And possibly,” she says, prodding the bear so hard that it’s knocked backwards, “you’ll remember that about a month ago I told you that Peters had something nasty in store for you, and that I had an idea what it was but couldn’t tell you or I’d get in trouble. And you might put all these things together and… ah, to hell with it,” she says, dropping the pen and replacing her bear, “no-one been able to kill him yet. He’ll find out soon enough, and he might even be OK.” She picks up her pen and finishes making notes, then switches to the keyboard and starts to write her report up. After a minute she glances down at the bear again. “What? Don’t look at me like that you fuzzy prick, it’s not my problem if he’s stupid,” she tells the bear severely, “he’s not my boyfriend anymore and there’s no reason I should risk my job for him.” The bear continues to gaze. To be fair, she’d be surprised if it did anything else. “OK, OK,” she sighs after a few more seconds, “one more go. But seriously,” she says, picking up the pen and waving it menacingly at the bear, “if this gets me fired then I’m dropping you in the shredder.” The bear fails to show any signs of fear, and with a sigh Naomi turns back to her keyboard. Subversive plans or not, she knows what will happen if Peters doesn’t get his report on time. To be concluded…

So I got my PPVs mixed up. Doesn't mean you weren't wrong, or that I can't still laugh at your exchange rates.

Well hey, that's odd, because I'm sure I remember Thugg being active to a degree when I joined, and I remember WC being active when I joined. In fact, I remember Clark taking the CW title off WC, then beating Thugg in their whatever-the-fuck-it-was match at Battleground. So na-na-boo-boo, and I laugh at your currency values as well.

Ah, I thought you meant it needed one new line.

Word. Also Bruce, I don't think there was the Ground Zero statement last time. So presumably we'll know then... unless it's just some more extravagent promo.

Wasn't Thugg over 400? I'll be intrigued to see how Nemesis pans out, anyway.

That's a shame, I thought you were off to a good start. Come back whenever you can.

THE SWF IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, DAMN IT!

My achievement of beating Flesher in singles is less impressive now that WC's done it twice in six weeks. Bastard. And I know he showed against you and not against me. No need to rub it in.

I don't know if a luxary is some flash American thing, but over here in the Olde World we call it a 'luxury'. Look, ask Akira. He'll tell you about the spelling and grammar police in the fed. I swear being here has probably helped his homework, if he ever does it.

See, over here in Britain 'kerb' is how you spell the thing that's the side of the road - 'curb' is what you do to your enthusiasm. Blououdy foureigners.

Nothing wrong with a bit of touring. Maybe have one PPV cycle as a European tour, then one or two back in the US. Then another one for a Canadian/Mexican tour, and another one or two back in the US. But anyway - Toxx vs J3 for the World Title, standard singles. Yeah, that's it.

THE FICTIONAL WORLD TOUR CONTINUES! Lockdown, broadcast 7/5/06 from the Satellite of Love Ciro Vitale def. Martin Hunt via submission with the Italian Crab. Wildchild def. Kery Staunton via pinfall following the Presumed Guilty. HOUSE RULES: ROCKET NUMBER NINE MATCH Jimmy The Doom def. Mike Van Siclen via pinfall after stomping his head into ring steps. HANDICAP MATCH Tom Flesher© & Charlie Matthews© def. Grendel via countout when Grendel ran after having his mask ripped off. Looks like someone needs some zit cream. WORLD TITLE Michael Stephens© def. Bruce Blank by pinfall following the Sunny In England. Smarkdown, broadcast 7/10/06 from the Jedi Temple on Coruscant PUNISHMENT MATCH Mike Van Siclen def. Cardboard Comet with the Riot Act and a complete lack of effort. MANSON def. Austin Sly by frying him with lightning, using a force choke(slam) and then kerbstomping his head into a chair. Sly's head explodes. So basically, he won by MANSONOSITY! Scott Rageheart def. Wildchild via pinfall with a Tiger Driver. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE #1 CONTENDER'S MATCH Tom Flesher def. Landon Maddix via pinfall with a small package. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE 'Iron' Mike Cross© and Zyon go to a no-contest as Akira and The Axis run in and shit. Storm, broadcast 7/14/06 from Milliways (the restuarant at the end of the universe) Wildchild def. Ced Ordonez via pinfall following the Wild Ride. Trent Hawk def. Zyon via pinfall following the Rolling The Credits. HARDCORE MATCH Bruce Blank def. Mike Van Siclen via submission by trapping his arm in a chair and standing on it. Spike Jenkins def. Matt "Amy Stephens" Myers via pinfall after hitting seven other people's finishers, then the Endwell. The cad. CRUISERWEIGHT RULES (NON-TITLE) Mike Cross© def. Grendel via pinfall following the Devil's Soul Snare. Michael Stephens & Landon Maddix def. The New Doomtopians when Stephens pinned The Doomstroyer following the Sunny In England. Lockdown, broadcast 7/19/06 from the Gurubashi PVP Arena in Stranglethorn Vale, Azeroth Jimmy The Doom def. Ciro Vitale via pinfall following a basement dropkick. INTERNATIONAL TITLE TOURNAMENT Spike Jenkins def. MANSON via submission with the Rings of Saturn. Fuck World of Warcraft. INTERNATIONAL TITLE TOURNAMENT Akira Kaibatsu def. Austin Sly via submission with the Anaconda Vice. Charlie Matthews decided not to wrestle Grendel, and just beat him down a bit instead. Makes sense. Wildchild def. Tom Flesher via pinfall with a moonsault. INTERNATIONAL TOURNAMENT Bruce Blank def. Zyon via pinfall following the Broken Dreams. Someone please tell me how a running tombstone piledriver actually works, cos I'm not seeing it. Michael Stephens & Landon Maddix def. Scott Rageheart and Kerry Staunton via pinfall following a Shining Wizard by Maddix on Staunton. INTERNATIONAL TOURNAMENT Mike Cross def. Jay Hawke via pinfall following the Silent Rage Syndrome. Smarkdown, broadcast 7/24/06 from Jurassic Park A Velociraptor def. An Octopus by eating him. Nemesis def. Ced Ordonez via pinfall following the Fall From Mount Olympus. Scott Rageheart & Kerry Staunton def. The Axis (Trent Hawk and Ciro Vitale) via Canadianosity, or something equally lame and unoriginal. INTERNATIONAL TITLE Bruce Blank def. Michael Cross via pinfall with a Small Package to win the International Title. Also in the match were Akira Kaibatsu and Spike Jenkins. SWF GROUND ZERO, broadcast LIVE~ from The Gund Arena in... well, an alternate timeline, for one. I don't know where the Gund is, I'm not American. 'The Beast' Gabriel Drake def. Ced Ordonez via pinfall following two powerbombs and a spiral powerbomb. HARDCORE MATCH MANSON def. Nemesis via pinfall after backdropping him through a table from a balcony, then dropping a Savage Elbow on him from the balcony. Wildchild def. Kerry Staunton & Scott Rageheart via DQ when Mike Van Siclen attacked him. As Wildchild didn't win by either pinfall or submission, he's suspended for 50 days. Akira Kaibatsu and Spike Jenkins go to a time limit draw, and then Akira powerbombs Spike in the unofficial 'five more minutes' to beat him via pinfall. Spike claims he never agreed to it. Spoon. INTERNATIONAL TITLE Bruce Blank© def. Charlie 'Grappler' Matthews via pinfall following the Broken Dream to retain the title. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE Michael Stephens© def. JJ Johnson via submission with the RTF II to retain the title. CANADIAN TOUR!! Aftershoxxx, broadcast 8/4/06 from the General Motors Place in Vancouver, British Columbia Gabiel Drake def. Scott Rageheart via pinfall following the Mark of the Beast. Nemesis def. Insane Luchador via pinfall following the Fall From Mount Olympus. Akira Kaibatsu def. JJ Johnson via pinfall following the 450 Splash. Spike Jenkins pins Akira Kaibatsu following a chairshot. Presumably this has something to do with the International Title. TAG TITLE MATCH Tom Flesher© and Charlie Matthews© def. The New Doomtopians via pinfall when Matthews pins the Doomstroyer after the Spike Piledriver. Matthews and Flesher retain. Lockdown, broadcast 8/9/06 from the Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta Birdman def. Martin Hunt via pinfall following the Bird Dropping. Nemesis def. MANSON via pinfall following the Colossus Drop. Gabriel Drake and Mike Van Siclen are destroyed by The ELK and THE. Charlie Matthews def. Scott Rageheart via pinfall with a kneeling powerbomb. Michael Stephens and Landon Maddix def. Grendel and Insane Luchador via pinfall following Laberinto's Sunny Revenge In England on IL. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH Tom Flesher def. Mike Cross© via submission when Cross passed out in the King Cobra. Tom Flesher wins the Cruiserweight Title. Spike Jenkins def. Akira Kaibatsu via pinfall following the Greetings From Cambodia (seriously? Greetings From Cambodia? Whatever). Spike Jenkins is the #2 Contender to the International Title. TEN MINUTE HARDCORE CHALLENGE Jay Hawke does not get pinned by Bruce Blank in under ten minutes in a hardcore environment. Smarkdown, broadcast 8/14/06 from the Rexall Place in Edmonton, Alberta JJ Johnson def. MANSON via pinfall following the Tiger Driver '91. As if MANSON can ever truly be defeated. Nemesis def. Pierre Donette via pinfall following a side suplex. Birdman def. Mike Cross via pinfall following the Bird Dropping. WORLD TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Jimmy The Doom def. Jay Hawke after a flying front kick. INTERNATIONAL TITLE - I QUIT MATCH Bruce Blank© def. Akira Kaibatsu after Akira quits to a Crippler Crossface. TAG TITLE MATCH Landon Maddix & Michael Stephens def. Tom Flesher© & Charlie Matthews© when Stephens pins Matthews after a double-team Hangover/Frog Splash combo by Stephens and Maddix. Michael Stephens and Landon Maddix are the new Tag Team Champions. Storm, broadcast 8/19/06 from the MTS Centre in Winnipeg, Manitoba Spike Jenkins def. Pierre Donette via pinfall following the Endwell. Nemesis def. Mike Van Siclen via pinfall following the Colossus Drop. Jimmy The Doom and Amy Stephens go to a no-contest after Crimson Skull attacks Jimmy. MANSON def. Akira Kaibatsu via pinfall following an inverted brainbuster. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH Landon Maddix def. Tom Flesher© via DQ following a lowblow and being suplexed over the top rope. Naturally, Tom retains the title. Lockdown, broadcast 8/23/06 from the Credit Union Centre in Saskatoon, Sasquatch. Or something. Hell, if an American doesn't know how to spell somewhere in Canada, why should I? Gabriel Drake def. MANSON via pinfall following the Mark of The Beast. Akira Kaibatsu def. Scott Rageheart via pinfall following the Divine Wind. Spike Jenkins def. Jimmy The Doom via pinfall following the Endwell. TAG TEAM TURMOIL WITHOUT THE TURMOIL No contest after Jay Hawke's partner Nemesis turns on him to align with Bruce Blank. Smarkdown, broadcast 28/3/06 from the Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec Birdman def. Zyon via pinfall with the Bird Dropping. INTERNATIONAL TITLE (LUMBERJACK MATCH) Bruce Blank© def. Spike Jenkins vis pinfall following the Cruiserweight Killer. Bruce Blank retains the International Title. WORLD TITLE Michael Stephens© def. Jimmy The Doom via pinfall following a Stephens Shock Syndrome off the top rope. Michael Stephens retains the World Title. Storm, broadcast 9/1/06 from the Colisee Pepsi in Quebec City. That's an original name for a city. Gabriel Drake def. Akira Kaibatsu via submission with the Spite and Malice. HARDCORE MATCH 'Iron' Mike Cross and Nemesis go to a no-contest when Nemesis leaves the match. CRUISERWEIGHT RULES MATCH Tom Flesher def. JJ Johnson via pinfall with a Fisherman's Suplex. PURE RULES CHALLENGE Jay Hawke def. Bruce Blank via pinfall with a Sunset Flip. Lockdown, broadcast 9/6/06 from the Scotiabank Place in Ottowa. Birdman def. Spike Jenkins via pinfall with the Bird Dropping. Gabriel Drake vs Zyon becomes Gabriel Drake vs Landon Maddix at Maddix's request, but then is a no-contest when Drake jumps Landon before the match and tries to Pillmanise his leg. TAG TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP Weapons of Mass Destruction (Bruce Blank & Nemesis) def. Blood & THUNDER (JJ Johnson & MANSON) via pinfall after Nemesis hits the Fall From Mount Olympus on MANSON. WoMD are now the #1 Contenders to the Tag Titles. HARDCORE TITLE Jimmy The Doom© def. Michael Cross via pinfall following a Doom Driver from the apron to the floor. However, the Crimson Skull kidnapped Lois the Unethical during the course of the match. The cad.