Dear Philadelphia Phillies:
Contrary to what many believe, your team nickname, the "Phillies", has nothing to do with horses or blunts, and is in fact just representative of the nickname for Philadelphia, "Philly".
So if you're representing a city, and its outskirts, I suppose, then let me tell you something:
We do not split three-straight double-headers.
Step up. Sweep the shitty Braves.
With a little luck, you'll be in THE WILDCARD LEAD by 1/2 game by tomorrow night. Or, more likely, a 1/2 game back.
You've had plenty of chances to control your own destiny and keep playing mediocre September ball. Step up, win the race. Stop jerking us around. Not many games left...
Thank you.