The Ill One

Yeah, Ryan's coke problem was a bit of a bummer but that conversation about an inevitable nuclear holocaust resulting in tribal warfare was too dead-on. "Do you live in a normal house?" Toby's exit was also gold. Gold, I say, gold.

Hey look over there, this isn't a double post!

There goes my original ending...

Yeah, I just felt like kickin' an ol' school joke so I can feel all special about myself, way to go. Plus you're an asshole since I totally ended to win the World Title then IL will rip off his skin, revealing it was a costume, and it was Midjit all along~!

Damn, that was a very small preview. Oh well, I'm looking forward to it whenever the hell it comes.

Taiga, it's more or less just when you're predicting OoC it's easier to call a co-write then throw down a bullshit prediction. By the way, something that always has me curious- how the hell can this have forty-something views and only two replies? Who is viewing it multiple times knowing there aren't any new responses anyway? How long does it really take to hammer out a few predictions? Why do horses have horseshoes, do they wear horsesocks? Is anybody even listening to me?

Alright, so for fishyback it's either a) term in vein with piggyback using water and truck system or b) John T. Ashley song, which is something google yielded. But it's nice to have a sense of closure for the Doom-man even if it's through a real tragedy. By the way, why not return G.O.A.T. and then we'll have a handicap match against, like, a grillion midgets at a Macky-Daddy-D's?

I'll never disapprove of a Butters-centric epsode.

Hardy grumbles with Gus about his recent workload until the Ill One, Andrew Rickmen, suddenly turns the corner, taking him off guard. He steps besides Hardy and slaps him on his shoulder, causing him to horribly flinch, and causing Luchador to psychotically laugh as Hardy does his thing. “I am with the one and only Insane Luchador, Andrew Rickmen, once again and IL, I have to ask- did you see Alexander’s response to our first interview?” Hardy excitedly asks to Luchador’s nonchalant laugh. “Yeah, I saw it, I saw it and that was simply a terrific waste of oxygen. Because he tried to play an adorable game that he can’t play or, at the very least, a game that he shouldn’t be playing with IL.” “Bloody knuckles?” “Cute,” IL grunts and it changes Hardy’s happy demeanor, now being serious, causing him to apologize, but Luchador only dismisses it. “So what game is that then, IL?” “Do you want to play the ‘name game’ now, Mikey? You want to spew out the names of the superstars that you’ve made tap to impress me? You want to illustrate to the Ill One just how successful you’ve been and expect it to make me nervous? Please. Don’t embarrass yourself, you’re not a stupid guy, on the contrary, you actually seem pretty damn smart. He’s an intelligent guy, right, Hardy?” “Right, he has an MA in History,” Hardy replies. “Not smart enough to back down,” IL mumbles. “So an MA in History? Precious.” “Yeah, so he is very smart both inside the ring and outside,” Hardy says. “Does that worry you knowing that he might…” Luchador cuts him off, not even letting Hardy finish the question, and he muses, “History… history… history, heh. See, I ain’t never done get me a good eda-muh-cation…” “Too busy wrestling?” Hardy asks to Luchador’s relaxed shrug. “Okay, Alexander, I have to admit that history has always interested me. I mean you can’t move forward in the future without knowing where you came from, without remembering what has happened in the past.” “That’s true.” “Yeah, I know it’s true, that’s why I said it…” IL testily replies before calming down. “So, Michael, how about a lil’ review before our ‘exam,’ does that sound like fun? Doesn’t that sound just simply riveting? I do. So we’re going to, so take out your notepad, sharpen your lil’ number two pencil, and listen up, kid… we’ll start with ancient history. You know what ancient history is Ben, yeah?” “Yeah.” “I mean you were a part of ancient history… granted really, really ancient history so you can fill him in on the ‘good ol’ days’ some other time, okay? Okay. But let’s begin with some ancient history, let’s trace some roots of the Ill One, why don’t we see what kind of names I can drop, why don’t we see why I know that Alexander isn’t ready for me. Why don’t we see how I know… how I know that he’s more delusional than me if he feels prepared, if he feels confident, if he even feels like showing up is a viable option. Don’t get me wrong, Alexander, I want you to- I want a good fight, I want to rip you to shreds, I want to prove that without a doubt that I am the worthy World Heavyweight Champion, god damn it. But where was I?” “Ancient history,” Hardy briefly reminds him. “Right, sorry, I digress… so this ancient history might not span what you’re used to in the history books, Mikey, but it’s a nice chunk of time- we’ll say it covers seven, nearly eight years.” IL glances down at a nasty scab on his elbow, snatches it, and rips it off to Hardy’s shiver. He dips his fingers in the blood and turns back to the wide, running his finger against it, and smearing the blood against the wall. He cocks his head to the side, as if examining art, and he dabbles in the blood once again, this time drawing ‘IL’ on the white wall. He simply grins, while Hardy nearly gags, and turns back around. “Primitive, right?” IL laughs. “So maybe that isn’t far back enough to examine finger paintings for history but I have to say that it feels that long and that, really, when I choose to be that I can be just as brutally primitive as any cave dweller. Now stick with me, Hardy, I feel you strayin’ away here…” “Okay,” Hardy softly says, watching the blood trickle down Luchador’s forearm. “See, he may have defeated Toxxic, something I haven’t ever done so just a Cracker Jack job there, but he’s oblivious to ancient history. Do you remember a guy named Grimedogg? Probably not but he was hardcore and I beat him, I beat him at what, at the time, was his own game with a balconysault through a table. How about a guy named Erek Taylor? Probably not but he was cccaaa-rrraazzzyyy but in a different sense, either way I beat him too- with yet another balconysault. How about Dace Night? You know Dace Night and what he’s capable of and I beat him- with a Balconysault onto a Ford in the Motor City Rumble. Don’t get me wrong, Mikey, it doesn’t take an extreme move for me to win- it’s just a preference. So I’ll dull it down a little bit for you… How about Aecas? Maybe, maybe not but he was one bad motherfucker and I beat him. Let’s fast forward a little bit more, okay? How about somebody more like you, okay, how about Charlie Matthews? Yeah, one of the best to come through this federation and I beat him.” “Certainly impressive, IL, but that was…” “A long time ago, Hardy?” IL asks before laughing. “I know... I know that that’s the bitch of ancient history, that was all in the past. So how about a little bit more modern, hm? Something a little more recent, okay? How about S.I.N., Va’aiga, Jakey? You’re aware of all of them and I beat them, all in some form of hardcore match or another. How about MANSON, obviously you know your own tag partner and guess what?” IL taunts and holds up his hands with a shrug. “Beat him. Please don’t feel flattered, Alexander, the ‘Event Horizon’ was just a point that there’s nothing special to your move set, there’s nothing special to you.” “Besides being the World Champion,” Hardy corrects. “Only reason I give a damn about him,” Luchador admits. “Notice a pattern, an emerging trend, Alexander? I beat them and in most cases, in a hardcore match… a lot like the one we’re going to have. So now you have to ask yourself, Mikey, are you better than all of them? Do you really think that you’re that much better than every single one of them? I think you’ll answer that you do…” “He is quite confident.” “Cocky, Hardy, cocky. But underneath all of that unwarranted poise I think that you’ll really wonder, Alexander, am I better than them? Am I truly better than every single one of them? That seed of doubt, Mikey, that seed of doubt that’s been planted isn’t some lil’ Luchador mind trick, it’s legitimate. That self-doubt, the worry, the insecurity that’s seeping into you about when we collide at Hell Freezes Over is how I know that you’re a smart guy. And you are, Alexander, so think, actually ask yourself- am I better than every single one of them? Am I better than every single one of them, especially in my specialty? Am I good enough to handle, let alone, beat what’s coming for me at Hell Freezes Over? Because I don’t think you are, Alexander, and I know that you don’t even know what’s coming at you at Hell Freezes Over.” IL simply turns around and walks away, leaving Hardy temporarily speechless. “Insane Luchador has reminded what he has endured to get to this point and has asked Alexander if he has what it takes to undermine all of that, now whether the Champion has an answer for that will be seen at Hell Freezes Over. This is Ben Hardy in an SWF.com exclusive!”

Nice lil' preview, "me hitting you" may be one of my new favorite names ever.

Do it, do it, do it. Now as who, shit, I don't know- how many different characters do you have? Doom's always amusing but I don't know if you got burnt out on him or not.

I'm so glad that you're willing to build this up, man. Honestly. Good promo but if you want to name drop, well, it's time for me to write a promo for you to one-up.

Either I'm going to make you guys care or post so much shit that you'll all end up faking it in appeasement. -- Ben Hardy awkwardly stands in front of the camera, shifting his weight, and waiting for his cue that he’s already gotten before getting a grunt from Gus that snaps him back into reality. “This is Ben Hardy in the SWF.com exclusive,” he begins to say. “They already know that, they’re obviously on the website,” a familiar voice says, the camera pulling back to reveal the Ill One, Insane Luchador standing next to him with a smirk. “Right, so I’m here with the Insane Luchador, Andrew Rickmen,” Hardy once again starts up but gets interrupted. “They already know that too,” IL points out to Hardy’s nod. “Where’s Emma Dumass anyway?” “I think you creep her out,” Hardy says to Luchador’s slight surprise. “So at Hell Freezes Over you are getting a World Title shot against Michael Alexander in a 2/3 hardcore falls match, a stipulation that you chose after defeating MANSON.” “With your own finisher, Alexander,” IL cockily adds. “I have to admit that I had a lot of stipulations runnin’ through this sick, twisted mind. I mean, you should have thanked whatever deity you may or may not hold dear that this match just feels right… and if you don’t have a deity, then right about now is a great time to have a spiritual epiphany.” “Are you suggesting that you let him off the hook with the stipulation?” Hardy asks. Luchador ignores the question and continues his rant, “Really, just a choice time to find spiritual salvation because you won’t be getting any from me. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, Alexander, just because I didn’t choose Damnation in a Box or light tubes or flaming tables or last man standing or whatever doesn’t mean you’ve received a break. I mean, really, a lot of those stipulations are just so restraining, you know? I like knowing the freedom I’m going to have going into that match, Alexander, sure I might not get a nifty steel cage but I’ll sure as hell have light tubes, tables are easily flammable, and every other goody that my hands can grab. Hell, maybe I’ll even call up Dace Night and see if I can get the weedwhacker…” Hardy’s eyes open wide and he asks, “So this stipulation is anything but a break for him?” “But I digress… Alexander, this is really simple- I don’t like you, I mean it’s not like I hate you, yet… it’s just that you have the World Title. In your possession is something that I’ve been chasing for what? Seven, eight years? You are holding one of the few titles that has eluded me match after match, week after week, month after month, and year after year.” “You did have a shot against Gabriel Drake that you fell short in,” Hardy replies to Luchador’s begrudging nod. “Right, and it wasn’t an easy feat to get another shot, matter of fact, it’s taken a streak of some of my more challenging matches in recent memory to get this shot. I am the number one contender, Hardy, I’m the S-W-F’s next World Champion, can you see it? Can you feel it?” Hardy shrugs. “Maybe not, and maybe you don’t see it, Alexander, but I sure as hell do. It’s so vivid, it’s so clear, and it’s so god damn satisfying that not you, not anyone, will be the one to keep it from happening, okay? You may be able to twist my limbs into positions that even the author of the Karma Sutra would wince at but this is my world you’re stepping into, Alexander, this is my world. I don’t think you know what it’s like to go backstage and sit down to get shards of glass plucked out of your skin, I don’t think you know what it’s like to have more scars than clear patches of skins, and I don’t think you know how much of a bitch it is to yank out hundreds of thumbtacks. And I know, Alexander, I fuckin’ know that you don’t know what it’s like to be in the ring with someone like me, I know that. I think you know it too, don’t you?” “He’s certainly out of his element,” Hardy admits. “Damn straight. Michael Alexander, you have no fuckin’ clue what you’re facing once you step into the ring with the Ill One… and I know that you know that these aren’t idle threats,” IL says with a psychotic laugh, dropping the microphone, and walking away. “Well, IL is certainly sending a message to his opponent Alexander and whether these are idle threats will be seen at Hell Freezes Over,” Hardy concludes. “Until then, keep checking SWF.com for more exclusive footage and if I know IL, he’ll have more choice words later.”

I also want to point out that it's bullshit that the subtitle will get displayed but then cut off.

Far as writing other characters- it's really tempting to bail to the original and then realize that wasn't really the solution either. For example, even I didn't get into Dillon that much after a bit, he was a bitch to write, but I still want to write as Dagda every now-and-then... but I know the first time I hit a roadblock it'll be IL all over again. (Although maybe one show out of four I could take a match as Dagda for the hell of it). A lot of the issue is liking the other character enough that you don't romanticize (odd as that sounds) WC when writer's block hits for Bruner. At least for me that was the hardest. Yeah, another thing is that I'll always be IL, which I'm actually pretty cool with, but it could become "WC writing Bruner" not the guy who writes WC is now Bruner, you know? Don't get me wrong, there's no harm in trying an alternative character anyway, especially to avoid the dreaded burnout. Edit: Oh and when it comes to thinking you've taken a character far as you possibly can- technically, I've killed off two characters... and I had to revive one followed by just a terrific display of no-selling. So, you know, long as you don't kill off WC there wouldn't be an issue bringing him back. Hell, if you -do- kill him, there wouldn't be an issue bringing him back.

SWF WORLD TITLE 2/3 Falls Hardcore Michael Alexander© vs Insane Luchador ~So ever since the first time I've made predictions only once have I predicted myself (against Cutthroat)... I got to pick this stipulation after weeding through a lot of different ones, including some really out-there ones. Alexander can thank me later. Now unlike how Spike feels, I don't feel like chasin' for the World Title. So having said all of this, I'm going for Alexander and hopefully I'll get a rematch. Grudge Match Tracey Bruner vs Va'aiga ~I want to know where this is all going and I'm figuring a double DQ or some other storyline advancement. Now if it's a legitimate competitive match then it's a real toss-up. Either way I'm excited for this one. Increasing Grudge Match Annie Eclectic vs Taiga Star ~Yeah, like Spike, I don't know if this is just another match to further the feud or not. So I'll say co-write since I want to see the feud get hotter. In intensity and the ow-ow that makes eyes roll. (Ice Water Pool G-String Jello Paddle on a Pole... was that the match Stubbs booked?) S.I.N. vs 'Hollywood' Spike Jenkins ~Well, battle for NY or not, Spike's motivated so he'll be bringing the goods. That's not to say that S.I.N. couldn't take it either, it's just that a motivated Spike is always nice. Dance Dance Dragon vs TORU Takahara ~Triple-D with all sorts of Japanese goofiness. Tod James Stewart & Daniel Smith vs Rikard Fleihr & Arne Andersen ~Yeah, it'd be weird if you wrote yourself to lose but I'm interested in Smith.

Son of a bitch! I had an awful, awful joke and forgot to rewrite something. So, here goes- I'm predicting that Bruner versus Va'aiga will (and should be) a great old fashioned brawl that hopefully explains what's goin' on. Sorry, Dub-Cee, much love. Edit: You know, I was going to put a wink at the end there but a) I've been using them way too often and b) I don't want to make it seem like I don't like WC, just "much love" is a pretty stupid term, especially from a white boy.

It looks like it may make for a decent rental, although the preview I saw in theaters made it look better. I have to say that I'm so sick of Myers' using the Freudian slips followed by bluntly saying whatever it was he was trying to avoid.

That was a pretty entertaining promo and creative way to put it, man. You also shouldn't have said it wasn't a real link just to see how many people would've tried... like me.

Yeah, I'm really pumped for this one, I'm already a good 3k into it so far since our styles mesh pretty well. So, for the sake of writing the match, could MANSON make it a triple threat? I'm down for that because if he wins then, well, he won it and earned it. Either way, it's fun throwin' around ideas for what stipulations to use but I've decided not to make it anything too over-the-top ridiculous gorecore bit... but my definition of "over-the-top" and his may differ. Kidding, but seriously. Plus Annie vs Taiga is finally going down, so I'm sure that'll be entertaining and probably pretty violent too. Va'aiga and S.I.N. should also be a fun, violent one too. So violence all 'round for all, just like Jayson G. would've wanted it. Good luck everyone. Edit: I'm also assuming that the winner will just PM Toxx or Landon after the show to say the stipulation or should we churn out a lil' promo revealing the stipulation? Edit (squared): Bo, you're too modest.

Flesher/Stevens sounds interesting and so does Flesher/Dangerous, although I wouldn't really know how to write Dangerous. That's the same issue with Thoth, they're going to develop some sort of whacky-tacky and zany commentary style that has nothing do with the wrestler. Now, on the other hand, we've never had a problem doing that with wrestlers previously so, eh. Edit: The idea of rotating commentators with one person being the "main" one would be fun to write until somebody throws a desperate one out there like Cutthroat. Oh shit, I got it- Cutthroat/Flink. Hell yes.

Yeah, I know why but that didn't make it look any less creepy.

Yeah, I know why, it didn't make it look any less creepy.

Their epic fight during their trip turning out to be them slapping each other around in a sandbox for half an hour was pretty damn funny, plus the way Kyle's mom looked during the press conference was actually creepy.