The Ill One

You're such a tease.

I'm around.

I'm not against the idea either but I don't know who everybody would be comfortable with- plus I'm wondering if it should be somebody who hasn't been used yet or just pair two earlier ones together.

Damn, somebody donated their kidney to Konnan?

Dead Or Alive (Alan Clark and Walter Reynolds) vs Slaughterhouse Five (Michael Alexander© and MANSON) Tag Title Contendership Match ~ Hmmm... I'll give the nod to Slaughterhouse Five. Tracey Bruner vs Dance Dance Dragon ~ I could see it going either way but I'll say Bruner. Va'aiga vs 'Hollywood' Spike Jenkins ~ Va'aiga. Taiga Star vs S.I.N. ~ S.I.N., since Bo rocks the old school. HARDCORE The Fabulous Jakey vs Insane Luchador ~ Jakey in fabulous fashion. Tom Flesher vs Annie Eclectic ~ I'll go with Flesher but I'm just glad Annie's back. (Y)~! Johnathan Clarke & Ced Ordonez vs ??? ~ Ah, the ??? (potentially wo)man returns. Don't bet against them, especially when it's a jobber squash.

For the lazy ones- Dead Or Alive (Alan Clark and Walter Reynolds) vs Slaughterhouse Five (Michael Alexander© and MANSON) Tag Title Contendership Match Tracey Bruner vs Dance Dance Dragon Va'aiga vs 'Hollywood' Spike Jenkins Taiga Star vs S.I.N. HARDCORE The Fabulous Jakey vs Insane Luchador Tom Flesher vs Annie Eclectic Johnathan Clarke & Ced Ordonez vs ???

Why Dace, that hurts. Me, no-show? Never.

I should be around.

Inside the dimly lit room the screeching sound of a steel chair being dragged against cement can be heard. Suddenly the chair gets kicked into place in front of the camera and the Ill One slowly sits down, head tilted down, and heavily sighs. Finally he looks up and gives a grin before addressing the camera- “Do you think that I’m not used to violent situations? Do you think that I’ve been dubbed the Ill One because I’ve made a career out of rolling around on the canvas trying to tie up others’ limbs? Do you think that I’ve gained these scars, every single one, from trying to drop others on their head or being dropped onto mine? Am I completely delusional; am I really considered –that- insane now? Because, shit, I can’t help but to wonder after watching Va’aiga’s lil’ showing. Cute. See, all I saw was somebody who was throwing a temper tantrum after losing a World Title shot to a no name and now is trying to compensate, regain some self-esteem by running his mouth about the upcoming flaming tables match. So does anybody here doubt that this match, despite how severe the stipulation is, is the most dangerous situation I’ve faced? That this is some sort of epitome of violence… that being thrown against a flaming piece of wood that’ll get extinguished immediately is some sort of daunting task? I know, I know… I’m not the most popular, prolific, terrific wrestler out there… but has somebody forgotten what I’ve been through? What I’ve endured, what I’ve inflicted… because after seeing that video… I’m inclined to think that somebody has…” He stops himself and visibly calms down, rolling his shoulders, and subconsciously running his fingers along a scar along his eyebrow before continuing- “It ain’t personal, it ain’t personal, it ain’t personal, right?” Insane Luchador says with a little laugh. “It ain’t personal, I’m going to fuckin’ roast you but it ain’t personal, right? It’s just a lil’ rant, just a lil’ venting, and just a lil’ hissy fit tirade, right? But, hey, man, it’s nothing personal, right?” He takes a deep breath and the corners of his mouth raise into his signature psychotic smile and continues- “I know why it’s not personal and you know why, don’t you, Va’aiga? Yeah, we both do but I don’t think the others do- is it because we’re professionals? No. Is it because it’s what we’re paid to do? No. Is it because what we’ve chose to do, the path we’ve gone down and it’s inevitably time for those paths to cross? No. Is it because this is therapeutic for us? No. Is it out of respect? Hell no. So I know, I know what all you are thinking… so why isn’t it personal? How can a motherfucker spew such empty threats only to follow it with claims that it isn’t personal?” He laughs once again, calming down, and shrugs. “It’s pretty basic.” He pauses. “It’s pretty simple.” He pauses even longer while a smirk creeps onto his face. “It’s pretty pathetic.” He laughs before finally answering his own question- “He doesn’t want to make it personal. No, he doesn’t want to make it personal but the big bad Maori Badass wouldn’t want to admit that would he? No, why would he? Why not keep up the façade, right, why not keep the image intact, right?” He stops to let the thought sink in. “See, I’m not one to take too kindly to threats, whether they’re empty, wishful thinking, or just some sort of bullshit psychological mind games, it’s just not something I take well. It’s not something that I can shrug off very easily, matter of fact, it’s something that I can’t and won’t forget. He doesn’t want to make it personal with me, no, because that’s bringing a whole new element into this match- you don’t want me to feel threatened, you don’t want me to feel backed into the corner because to say I come out swinging…” Yet another pause. “Well, that’s me being modest. I don’t come out swinging, I come out looking to slaughter and annihilate and I won’t be stopped until I’m down and out for the count… and that, well, that isn’t an easy feat even for somebody like Va’aiga. See, I don’t think Landon Maddix really thought this one through, I don’t really think that he realized just how violate this all is. I don’t think he wondered if it’d result in Va’aiga claiming I’d become decapitated and have my head served on a platter. Hell, I don’t think he thought that if Va’aiga wants to throw around threats then I can guar-an-fuckin’-tee that Va’aiga will be burnt like a roasted pig, strung up against a pole, carried out by paramedics and have an apple crammed down his throat.” He clears his throat and looks straight into the camera, leaning forward and pointing. “So it ain’t personal, is that what you want? It’s just business, it’s just ‘how you roll’ maybe? Fuck, I don’t know and I don’t care but I’ll tell you this- I’ll tell you this one thing coming into all this…” He smiles. “Far as I’m concerned, it’s going to become personal.” He stands up and leans even closer into the camera before spitting onto the lens, sarcastically making the Shaka sign, and whispering, “Boo-yah.”

At the very least if Cro Cop could beat Lesnar than people may see it as a start to redemption (especially if Lesnar keeps getting marketed as a beast) and people can say how Lesnar hasn't polished his skills, give him time, etc. and still look alright coming out. Cro Cop, on the other hand, might get swept underneath the rug (moreso the casual fan than PRIDE fan) if he lost, especially in a forgettable dud. I guess it's all a moot point if he doesn't give the UFC an answer or decides to step away, hopefully he won't but it'd be mildly depressing if he just kept declining if he stayed.

Well, as a Giants fan- 18-1, bitches. Seriously though, that was a hell of a game and had my entire house screaming at parts, especially during the fourth quarter. I'm assuming Strahan's done now, I haven't really checked up on it, and if he is- well, that's a great note to end a career on. Edit: Oh yeah, Eli shaking off the rush followed by that catch by Tyree was un-fucking-believable.

Sure.

Hey, sorry 'bout not turning shit in (and since I just read the thread I can't make the deadline) but I had something going- there were some legitimate personal reasons that had me pretty preoccupied.

Ben Hardy awkwardly cranks his body backwards in his chair to address the camera behind him, with a familiar figure looking unsettled in a swivel chair across the room. “This is Ben Hardy and here is a SWF.com exclusive interview with somebody whose name has become etched into the SWF, for better or worse, in Insane Luchador’s first interview in…” “Quite a long time,” IL grunts to Hardy’s forced grin. He turns back around in his chair to face the Ill One, Andrew Rickmen, who seems restless, turning in his chair, slightly slouched down, and idly cracking his knuckles. “Right, it’s been quite a long time since we’ve talked,” Hardy agrees to Luchador’s apathetic shrug who forces himself to joke in response- “What, have you missed me?” He leans forward and jokingly, albeit a bit too hard (as evidenced by Hardy wincing), smacks him on the knee. “So, Hardy, what’s been up? How are you doing, life been going well, things have been treating you alright, eh?” Hardy seems taken aback by Luchador’s rapid-fire questions and says, “I’ve been good enough, I guess, how have you been doing, IL?” He runs a hand through his spiked hair and asks, “How do I look like life’s been treating me?” He lets Hardy awkwardly try to think up of an answer before saying, “I’m kidding, Hardy, I’m kidding- can a guy not joke around anymore? Do I have to be all sadistic smirks and insincere smiles?” He asks, ironically forcing a grin across his face, before leaning forward again. “You have some questions, right? I hope so, man, because you called me here so… shoot.” “Okay,” Hardy says, trying to keep up with Luchador, and he finally asks, “So you’ve recently returned from yet another hiatus…” “Yet another?” IL edgily asks. “Sorry,” he quickly replies. He quickly changes to a more amicable, although debatably fake, demeanor. “Don’t be sorry, I’m mostly joking but let me guess, you want to discuss the upcoming All-Show Brawl, right? You’re hoping to get me to spew out some answers to give yourself some insight into the Ill One’s mind, no? Hope a couple of Luchadorians give the website a few more hits, right? Hype up the looming event, right?” He doesn’t even wait for an answer before saying, “So go.” “Go away?” He asks in confusion before softly mumbling, “Luchadorians?” “No, go ahead and ask your questions, earn that paycheck, Hardy,” he says with a laugh before dismissively waving his hand as if giving him permission to speak. “Okay, so you have an upcoming match with an unique yet now familiar stipulation- the All-Show Brawl, essentially an anything-goes, show-long Ironman Match… this would be the second one in SWF history, which means you will have been in both. How do you feel about this, IL, is this any more or less daunting than the original? Are there too many differences between Toxxic and Fury to really make connections or build strategy, did the original match now give you an idea of what to do or the best approach?” Luchador blankly stares before requesting, “Slow down, Hardy. Of course there are some differences between the first and second, shit, the only similarity is the stipulation itself, which isn’t anything too intimidating.” “The stipulation doesn’t bother you then, do you remember how grueling the first was?” Hardy asks, surprised. “You lost the first one to Toxxic.” “No shit?” IL venomously spits and shakes his head. “Hardy,” Luchador begins, narrowing his eyes, “I’ve been through many, many battles and I’ve been subjected to a lot of unique stipulations… and I’ve embraced every single one. Of course I remember how grueling it was and Toxxic’s a god damn liar if he claims he doesn’t because only a select few can pull this one off, Hardy. Try to imagine this, Hardy, Christian Fury and I are going to square off throughout the show, throughout the arena with virtually no rules. Go on, Hardy; try to imagine what that takes. But, no, the only similarity between the first and this one is that it’ll be just another chapter in this saga, you know? It’s just another match, it just happens to be one hell of one… hell, what do I have to lose? Shit, man, what do I have to gain? Am I doing this for a title shot, nah, or am I doing this to appease whoever’s the puppet master tuggin’ our strings? No. I’m doing this because wrestling’s what I do and it’s about time that things change for me, it’s about time that I become more than just a familiar face, familiar name.” “So you have something to prove?” He asks. “I don’t have to prove anything, I already have proved many things- every scarred inch of my body proves a hell of a lot, Hardy, and I’m just saying that I will prove that things are different. The perennial underdog is coming to shake the federation’s god damn foundation, this is my revival, you know? This upcoming match is just another match in essence but it’ll just be some evidence of what I can do- hell, Hardy; I’m not bragging or boasting. I’m not even trying to sound like some prodigy, no, I’m just saying- no, I’m telling you that things are going to change for the Ill One, that things are going to change for the federation because of the Ill One,” he takes a deep breath after the tangent and asks, “Good enough?” Hardy, unable to think of a proper answer, simply asks, “So you’re saying that we haven’t seen anything yet?” Insane Luchador gives a psychotic laugh before skeptically looking at him. “Are you, are you serious? Are you claiming that nobody has seen anything yet? No, Christ no, I’m just pointing out that things will be changing- this isn’t some crazy crusade, it’s a proclamation, even a warning to all the Doubting Thomas out there, I’m not somebody to be overlooked, I’m not somebody to be forgotten, and I’m not somebody to ever be counted out, alright?” Hardy tries to catch his eye but notices a more distant stare in Luchador’s wild green eyes, as if he’s not entirely there. He coughs and shoots Hardy a confused look, as if shocked Hardy doesn’t respond to the ramblings. So, naturally, he continues- “Here’s the deal, Hardy, I’m not saying I’m necessarily the best- people who claim that are insecure… what I am saying is that sometimes wasted potential gets romanticized, okay? Sometimes not knowing one’s true abilities glorifies it beyond what probably once was their true limitations and I have to admit, that was something that I found appealing, you know?” “Sure,” Hardy mutters, shifting uncomfortably and looking back to shoot a desperate look at the camera, as if it could bail him out. “But now, nah, that’s a hollow memory, twisted thoughts, and that’s the easy way out- I’m not taking the easy way out anymore, got me? Perhaps I’ve been half-assing it, Hardy, maybe I haven’t been and what I’ve shown is all I got… but we’re going to find out soon, aren’t we?” He stares at the silent Hardy, as if gaining touch with reality again and smirks. Hardy glances back at the camera and turns his attention back to IL, boldly stating, “We aren’t here to be preached or hear your new philosophies.” Insane Luchador goes still in his seat and he slightly cocks his head to the side in mild disbelief. A smile creeps on his face until he suddenly pounds his fist on the arm rest, however he quickly cools down, and retorts, “You asked for my time, you get whatever I have to say, got it? Go waste somebody else’s time for trivial interviews if you don’t appreciate my company.” “I’m sorry,” Hardy slowly says. “It’s just that you’re starting to ram-…” he begins but Luchador promptly cuts him off. “On a bit of a side note, Hardy, do you know what makes a person scary, what truly makes somebody fear him?” He asks with a rather devious smirk. “Uh…” he stumbles for an answer, so Luchador simply grunts. “It’s not raw power, superb talent, intimidating physique, imposing looks, or even an aura of being invincible. It’s unpredictability, Hardy, and that’s something you can’t truly fake… think about it, what’s more worrying than never knowing how they’ll respond to anything at any given time? Sure, sure you could lash out randomly but that’s just being a fake- people can see right through that little game or you could create the illusion of being insane by acting irrationally, pretending to hear these voices or see that delusional shadow…” He pauses to see if Hardy as if he’d have the balls to call Luchador out on potentially doing that, but he just gets silence. “Contrary to my name, Hardy, I wouldn’t say that I’m insane.” “You’re not?” he dubiously asks. “No, Hardy, no- I am what I am and that’s all I can ever be, know what I mean?” Hardy nods in appeasement, despite clearly not following but decides to continue. “So, perhaps this is ancient history, but you and Fury are old acquaintances, correct?” “Yeah,” he says while beginning to calm down, returning to slowly turning side to side, staring at Hardy, and tugging on his black sweatshirt’s strings in mild disinterest. “Could that change things? In the original All-Show Brawl you squared off against Toxxic, somebody you’ve had quite a few encounters with and presumably isn’t your best friend,” he says to Luchador’s slight chuckle. “It does change things a little bit, debatably for the better- it’s much, much easier to bring it all to the table for an old friend, you know? People claim that it’s harder to hurt somebody you care or cared about but that’s bullshit, they’re just overlooking the obvious here.” “Which is?” Hardy asks, proving it’s not obvious what-so-ever, throwing Luchador off, and making him realize it’s –obviously- not the so obvious. “Fury knows exactly what I’m capable of and he better believe that I’m bringing all of it to the table. I’m not looking to hurt him, no, I am simply fighting him and all the accompanying agony, pain, blood, scar tissue or whatever will be a by-product… there won’t be, far as I know, any hard feelings going in or coming out. Hell, I’ve made a lot of enemies, Hardy, and very few friends- if I don’t give it a hundred percent throwing down with the enemy, screw them, what does that matter?” “Well, you are known to hold grudges, IL, so doesn’t that mean something?” He asks, gauging Luchador’s reaction without any luck. “Losing against rivals hasn't kept me up at night, Hardy, because what I brought is what I brought, simple as that. The past is the past, just remember it instead of brooding upon it... that's the only healthy way, think of what's to come. There’s always, always other times, other matches to redeem yourself but against a friend, you better bring it all in respect- Fury deserves it. I’d be insulted if Fury didn’t bring his all because if there’s any stipulation that requires every damn thing you can muster up, it’s this one. Chris,” he begins, staring past Hardy and into the camera with a smirk, “we haven’t spoke in a while, have we? Well, we’ll have plenty of time to catch up come the show and I’m bringing it, Fury, the Ill One is going all-out in respect to you- and I expect exactly the same.”

Sorry about the no-show, too. My computer's motherboard died and we had to replace it with a new one recently (fuck Vista, for the record). I know Flesher gave me a generous extension, a-thank you, but between new computer, upcoming finals, and whatnot I didn't feel like finishing. So. I'll try to read the show and comment for some form of compensation.

I've been enjoying it and 24/7 has gotten stale really quickly but I'm pushing on to get better stats for my CAWs. By the way, has anyone encountered a glitch with the durability exercise? Before, I was able to beat it fine but now if I get them in yellow it continues to go.

Well, I know I blew off the last match but it'd be cool if I could get a match- hardcore or singles, beggars can't be choosers.

(Y)~! Old school, man. Welcome back and the first person is refreshing.

Thank you, good sir... I feel old.

Man, Dan's wife seems fuckin' nuts, hot but nuts. I do feel bad for him getting that call then but maybe he's used to that shit or bottles it up well- he took it in stride. Gotta' love Dana White talking about the judges, "I don't want to talk bad about our judges but... that was some terrible judging." Now Hughes is an absolute dick but I don't blame him for calling out the judges, although I felt bad for the guy he was talking to.

I might have to no-sell the stipulation about coming out in trick-or-treat attire- I just can't write Dace as Frankenberry without pissing myself.

Favorite Writer(s)? Flesher, MacPhisto, Mags, and I always was fond of Fallout's matches. Favorite Match(es)? MacPhisto versus Raynor, Genesis III easily tops it for me, I'll still go back and periodically reread it (hype package and all). Flesher versus ELM, Ultimate Submission, Francis versus Williams, Ironman... I'm forgetting a lot. Favorite Promo(s)? Not really sure, I'll stick with P.O.O.F.N.A.R., along with various other Carnies, and SilEd's interwined promos. Favorite Character(s)? Flesher, NotJ, Nekura, Raynor's slip into heeldom, Jimmy the Doom, over-the-top Wilson, and MacPhisto. Favorite Spot(s)? There are a couple if I gave myself more time (but, for whatever reason, I won't). Favorite Move Names? Hmm, I'm blanking. Favorite Stipulation(s)? Hardcore and the variations of it. Least Favorite Stipulation(s)? I once was booked in a five way match, I kid you not. Oh yeah, Hell in an Igloo was a pain in the ass since I couldn't fathom writing a comedy match at the time. Favorite Match(es) and Promo(s) (Written by you)? Don't know, I still haven't finished a match with confidence. Dream Matches? IL vs Dace, IL vs Crowe (both have happened but at the same time, not really), IL vs Toxxic Full-Show Ironman Match II, IL vs Zyon II (an actual blow-off). Dream Angles? IL vs Dace, IL vs Crowe. Funny Moment(s)? "Wait, what?" Fondest Memories? I'm not sure, when I finally won the SJL World Title seeing the reaction on the board was pretty cool. Any Regrets? Well, the whole immaturity bit, including the pointless attempted flames, randomly leaving from the fed (in particular when I still held belts), and the "Dude, I'm so high." Not the actual consumption, various drugs are just fun and dandy, but how I behaved about it. Oh yeah, never being able to get IL vs Crowe off the ground, properly blow off IL vs Renegade, and no-showing my only World Title shot (although I had no chance) plus my blow-off with Blank. Also, just losing touch with the SWF's community in general. I've became most friendly with...? Well, I used to talk to a lot more people in the federation but, having said that, Taamo and Renegade. Wrestling Favorite Federation? Hmm, I'm not really sure, CZW's a guilty pleasure, RoH and older AJPW is the smarky remark, and I started watching wrestling with WCW, so I'll throw that in there. Favorite Worker? Samoa Joe, Liger, Jericho, and the Crippled, Benoit (what, too soon?) Least Favorite Worker? Probably Undertaker. Favorite Match(es)? Mysterio versus Eddie- Halloween Havoc, Briscoe versus Briscoe- Honor Invades Boston, Sasuke versus Ultimo Dragon, Liger versus Owen Hart. Favorite Stipulation? Not sure, usually ladder matches or over-the-top but not quite too-over-the-top hardcore match. Dream Matches? I'm not sure. If I worked for a company it'd be... Christ, I have no clue. My style of wrestling would be... Well, I like hardcore wrestling match but I can't assume I'd enjoy experiencing it. Face or heel? Face, underdog face. Dream Matches (that includes you)? Eh, I hate some of the questions I put on there (and Lipton). Personal Name? Andrew Age? 18 Single? "I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that." Biggest Turn On? Man, this could turn dirty quick... so I'll just go with nice eyes. I'm a sucker for blue. Biggest Turn Off? Chicks who get way, way too wasted and pretentious ones, too. Religious? No. Favorite book(s)? Eh, I've actually been trying to read more often (I'm currently reading Origins, which is mind-blowing but can be equally mind-blowing in the "ah, shit, I need advil" way). Favorite movie(s)? Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction, The Departed, and a lot of others that escape me. Favorite actor/actress? Not sure. Favorite bands? Dylan, Doors, Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, Operation Ivy, and Dead Kennedys. Favorite song(s)? "Tangled Up in Blue" by Dylan, "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones, "Break on Through," the Doors, "Babe I'm Gonna' Leave You" by Zeppelin and also Zeppelin's "When the Levy Breaks." Although, within the last few weeks, I've been listening to "Proud Mary" a lot... and I'm not sure why. Most Recent Accomplishment? Eh. Most Recent Failure? Failing to think of an accomplishment. My biggest flaw... I don't know, others could probably answers that a lot, lot better. I like my... Eyes. Future Goal(s)? Finish up community college, transfer to an actual college, and see what happens from there. Do you write outside the SWF (if so, what do you write)? Yeah, it's amazing at how much my SWF writing differs from my other writing (in other words, it doesn't suck as bad. At all.) Heroes? I don't really have any. I would love to meet... Honestly, I don't kow. Hardest moment of my life... Unsure, my friend's suicide and Uncles' deaths blew... so, to sum it up, death sucks. Greatest moment of my life... Well, graduating from high school early was nice because a) I was done with high school and b) I was originally planning to drop out. God bless lower standards at "alternative schools." Would you want to be famous? Depends on what's it for. Favorite swear word? Fuck, I'm undecided. Favorite food? Unsure, Chicken Fried Rice is delicious. What would you want God to say if you want to Heaven? "Yeah, I know, it's disappointing." What would you want the Devil to say if you were in Hell? "Don't worry, you're not missing much."

You're all lazy fucks and that's coming from me.

MAIN EVENT - SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Johnny Dangerous © vs. Toxxic ~I have to say Toxxic but I'm not counting Dangerous out. SINGLES MATCH Landon Maddix © vs. Tom Flesher ~I'm assuming Flesher isn't writing (his own match), but I will say that it should be a hell of a match. SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH The Fabulous Jakey © vs. Wildchild ~It's a close call but I'll say Wildchild, it's the perfect show to win the title. DAMNATION IN A BOX "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins © vs. Dace Night ~Well, shit. I guess it depends how much rust Dace might have and how motivated Spike is for writing. Either way, I'm expecting some multiple goregasms and a weedwhacker, or goregasm(s) because of a weedwhacker. By the way, Dace- stay (p'wetty p'wease). SINGLES MATCH Chris Raynor vs. Austin Sly ~Not sure, actually, but I'll go with the Raynman on a whim. MATCH OF MATCHING "The Dean of Wrestling" Jay Hawk vs. Jimmy the Doom ~Interesting clash of styles, I'm goin' with the Doom. SWF NEW BLOOD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Fulminatus © vs. Luke-o vs. Michael Alexander ~I'm torn between Fulminatus and Alexander, no offense Luke-o, so I'll play Switzerland. HARDCORE FOUR-WAY Leon Sharpe vs. Akira Kaibatsu vs. MANSON vs. Insane Luchador ~MANSONOSITY~! OPENING CONTEST Arch Griffon vs. Jesse James Sanders ~Griffon.

"I cry at night because I don't have a dad. Ah!"