The Ill One

Yeah, but that doesn't mean he won't put us on the bus. So I'm hoping this will continue on?

That was actually a lot better than I was expecting it to be (no offense) and that was quite amusing (though long). "Okay... so, Akira call your mother..." - I have held the title, for the record, and it was really cool to hear people talk about the SWF, which is weird. "See, I was making a testicle pun..." There were some more quotes but overall that was pretty damn cool. Congrats and thanks for everyone puttin' in that effort. Edit: Oh God, I see Thoth, he's coming to put you all on the bus.

How'd my name get thrown into that fray? Including Dillon then I held TV, Euro, and World at some point in the JL but, uh, it was hard not to after so much time spent. Hell, I even held the ICTV for a brief, brief period but that's because Grappler dropped it to me sooo... the only "memorable" run I had with any title was HGC.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell the subtitle meant either. Bonus Prediction: Will the federation thrive until October? ~I do hope so and, hell, it'd be nice if it could last even longer. Hopefully the Address gave us all a kick in the ass to not just show but participate too, something such as, oh, predictions as a warm up? NON-TITLE MATCH Gabriel Drake© vs Ricky Barbosa ~Well, I'm going to say Drake but it'd be a mark out moment if Barbosa could pull it off. SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP #1 CONTENDERSHIP Alan Clark© Vs Michael Stephens ~Interesting, I'm thinking Stephens but I'm not counting Clark out. HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Insane Luchador Vs Jimmy the Doom © ~How has it ended every other time? Doom fo' the win. IN THE HOUSE OF MARVELOUS: Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! HARDCORE MATCH Matt "Insert Gimmick Here" Myers (with James "Insert Adjunct Gimmick Here" Matheson) vs. Zyon ~I'm not sure, even if it is writing Myers it being hardcore is just Blank's specialty. TAG TEAM ACTION JJ Johnson and Manson vs. Asia Underground (Michael Cross and Akira Kaibatsu) ~JJ and MANSON are a force to be reckoned with, since they'll "wreck yo' shit" but Asia Underground SINGLES MATCH Johnny ‘the Barracuda’ Dangerous Vs Calvin Szechstein ~Hmm... this is another interesting match up. I won't predict because it could go either way. NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH Wildchild© vs Zack Malibu ~Nice, I'll go with Wildchild.

A shitty way for it to end but Frank knew what he was doing (or at least I'm assuming so)... there have already been dumb rumors like Gracie faking an injury, Frank wanting out of the match, etc. but at the end of the day it's just Frank fucked up. Baroni versus Shamrock should be amusing though.

You know, there's something that I have always wondered- is it purely nastalagia of "better days" or was the interaction (in terms of feedback) ever that great? I remember a few times skimmin' old, old shows (trip down memory lane and such) where comments were mostly feedback, hell, once Edwin and somebody else even debated about a single move written. Are we just doing this for the sake of our own characters and now we hear something like this and being creatures of habit it just fucks with us? This isn't accusing anybody, really, since we're all guilty but who still reads the shows? Who still pays attention to bulk of the federation besides one thing that may catch their eye, if that? The whole idea of feedback does make the federation a bit better than an e-dickin' competition of seeing your own match posted (though that does feel damn good and if it didn't then we wouldn't bother). I don't want the fed to end and I couldn't tell you exactly why... maybe I haven't left any sort of "legacy" or accomplishment or maybe since after so many years it's just an odd thought. Either way, though, it'd be great if we could find a way to survive then thrive but if nothing else then we should go out on a high note.

Real Name: Andrew Irishsomething (yeah, there's still mild paranoia... which is really stupid for numerous reasons, a main one being I've said my real name on the board) Characters Portrayed: Midjit, Insane Luchador, Tim Dillon, Danny Dagda, Petey the Irish Penguin (never seemed like many 'til listed) In SWF Since: I'm not sure, a long, long time. (2001ish?) Real-Life Height: 5'10" (if I stand up totally straight) Real-Life Weight: 130ish (wiry, naysayers, wiry) Real-Life Age: 18 Real-Life Location: Wouldn't know where, but I live in Iowa. Picture: Don't have one, surprisingly enough. Education: Graduated High School (just a couple weeks ago, too) Accomplishments Outside of SWF: Fuck, I don't know. Favorite Band: Led Zeppelin or Bob Dylan Favorite Song: "Tangled Up in Blue" or "When the Levee Breaks" Favorite Movie: Rotates constantly, at the moment it'd be Goodfellas or Pulp Fiction. Virgin? Explain.: No, not since I was 16 but I got blueballed, it sucked. Accomplishments Within SWF: Nada. Favorite SWF Moment: Raynor/MacPhisto Genesis III was amazing, I remember a hell in the cell between Neilsen of the Jungle and Cyclone Comet that wasn't -that- great but always was a favorite. Oh yeah, the days of Renegade and I was when I had the most fun in the federation. Favorite SWF Writer (All-Time): Toss-up between Tom and Edwin, though I dug Spider Nekura back in the day. Favorite SWF Writer (Current): Not sure, Wildchild's loved for a reason while Stephens is just as high up there. Why You Joined The SWF: Shit, I don't really remember, it was really spur of the moment. I just remember seeing it and thinking, "Well, I like to write and wrestling's pretty cool to me." Then Midjit came along and, somehow, it all went downhill from there. Let's throw another question for people who have written multiple characters- who was your favorite to write and why? -I don't think I showed once as Danny Dagda for a match but I wrote a couple outlandish promos that were ignored, for all the right reasons, but I still like the idea of "Lil' Dag." But it'd probably be Insane Luchador, though writing as Dillon had its moments (Petey was a bad attempt to revive the fun).

Well, this was pretty much inevitable but we're not done -quite- yet. But even if we are then it's true that we should just go balls to the wall to send us out the right way after so much time invested into the federation. Hell, maybe this just makes for a good battle cry but I also feel bad for being one of the consistent "active" but not really active writers. There's still time to change that, I guess. Edit: Coherency.

Long as you blow it, man. (Holy shit, how many smileys have been added recently)? It's getting to the point where IL and Doom should be traveling partners to just randomly beat the shit out of each other.

5kish, which means I probably won't be showing. Plus it slowly dawned on me that two minutes can't contain a lot of the action I have written there, since it was 5kish on the sixth person.

Well, maybe there's still hope then. I have everything planned out but, you know, the actual writing process is the bitch of it all. Oh well, it's worth a shot.

So who is planning on showing for the 'Fuck? I want to but, uh, it's the 30th and yyyeeaaahhhh... I'd have bloody stumps for fingers if I did show.

I've skimmed the show and hopefully I'll do a full show "by some random fucker" report. I gotta' admit, though, that I got too frustrated trying to write my match because I hit 4k, was pressed for time, and realized I was trying to write a wrestling soap opera that just wasn't there. But. It's a moot point because it was fuckin' Mak I was against and I gotta' say a huge thanks for puttin' IL over as a tough motherfucker, which wasn't something needed as all. Thanks, man, seriously. Edit: If anybody was wondering- yes, I felt kinda bad no-showing but, like I said, it was against Mak and he wrote a great match.

THE MAIN EVENT – SWF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP "The Beast" Gabriel Drake vs. Insane Luchador ~Just hope that Drake doesn't prematurely kill me (that's my job, damn it). CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Alan Clark of the Caribbean ©© vs. Wildchild ~Sexy, I think it'll be a close one. I'll say that Clark pulls it off but WC shouldn't ever be counted out, especially in a Cruiserweight Championship match. TAG TEAM CONTEST The Cadillac Boys (Zack Malibu and Calvin Szic.... Calvin Czec.... Calvin. Zack and Calvin.) vs. The Predators (Jay Hawke and Nighthawk) ~The Kadillac Kids! No, nothing? Fine. I'll go with the Cadillac Boys. HARD 10 TRIPLE THREAT Mr. Cold Front Classic JJ Johnson vs. Akira Kaibatsu vs. Mr. Swiss Victor Herzog ~Interesting. I'm not sure how much JJ likes this stipulation but he's becoming pretty damn unstoppable. CRUISERWEIGHT EXHIBITION Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs. Michael Cross ~Gotta' go with Maddix. CRUISERWEIGHT TRIPLE THREAT Zyon vs. Ricky Barbosa vs. MANSON ~Well, I'm not sure, since I'm really liking Ricky's character at the moment but it's against MANSON and Zyon. So I'll just call it even. JERKIN THE GHERKIN CURTAIN Matt Myers vs. Wayne Blank ~Wayne.

I'm also liking the character interaction here. Clark's obviously being a dick towards Ricky but everybody knows it's nice to have a punching bag to vent on when you fall short. I figured that Clark still believes there's something left in being a Wayward Son but doesn't want to admit it or let Ricky know it either.

Shitty main event though. Wait, what?

THE MAIN EVENT – CLUSTERTEASE BATTLE ROYAL Michael Stephens © vs. Nighthawk vs. Zyon vs. Akira Kaibatsu vs. Michael Cross ~It's hard to go against Stephens unless Zyon pulls out a helluva' showing. NON-TITLE MATCH "The Beast" Gabriel Drake © vs. the Insane Luchador ~Jesus Christ, don't even predict this one. SINGLES MATCH Mr. Cold Front Classic JJ Johnson vs. “The Dean of Professional Wrestling” Jay Hawke ~Here's another tough one yet another match of awesomeness but I gotta' go with JJ. CRUISERWEIGHT EXHIBITION Wildchild vs. Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix © ~Here's a beautiful match and I'll put my money on WC but it's a close call. TAG TEAM CONTEST Calvin Szechstein and a Mystery Partner vs. The Happiest Man On Earth Alan Clark ©© and Ricky Barbosa ~Gotta' go with Clark et Barbosa. OPENING MATCH – BOILER ROOM BRAWL “Mister Swiss” Victor Herzog vs. MANSON ~Wait, so MANSON's returning? Sweet.

Nice lil' promo between Stephens and JJ, including a nice foreshadowing of an elbow (or coincidental, since JJ throws elbows like he's Williams). I'm looking forward to Johnson versus Drake as well, plus it was a nice promo by our new champ. Flesh'ah~! Plus Janus has a few words just to warm our lil' hearts knowing there's a brutal beast waiting for a return. Sweet.

Updated 11/15. Smarks Board Name: InsanityMan Wrestlers Name: Insane Luchador (His real name is Andrew Rickmen) Nicknames: IL, The ("Your" if Funyon uses it) Psychotic Hero, The Ill One (credit: MVS) Height: 6'2" (Compromise 'ween the changing 6'1" and 6'3") Weight: 225 Hometown: Easton, Pennsylvania Age: 28 Face/Heel: Face Stable: None. Ring Escort: None. Weapon(s): Everything and anything. Light tubes have a very, very special place in his heart. His signature would be “Excalibur” (six light tubes bundled together and attached to a metal handle to create a sword). Quote: Looks: Insane Luchador always had a “wiry” frame to him, for the skeptics then it is called skinny, but he’s defined his body recently. He doesn’t look freakishly big but simply in good shape. His black hair is wildly spiked, primarily green eyes, though streaks of other colors can be seen, and his nose proves that he’s had a few beatings. His body also has a lot of scars from over the years that are randomly scattered, randomly acquired, (well, not randomly, he never tripped into a woodchipper or anything) and they range from faded to gruesome. He isn’t intimidating strictly by looks, but his appearance can definitely reflect the pseudo-psychotic, sadistic demeanor that gets pretty damn unnerving. Things have changed, time keeps moving things along. He now wraps up both of his hands up, from the thumb, over the knuckles, and a bit past the wrist, in light white tape. Not to mention the days of khaki cargoes, sweatshirts, long sleeved shirts are over, but he’s not ready to hop into any tights. Instead he wears black MMA shorts, is shirtless, and black athletic shoes. Outside of the ring is when the khaki cargoes, black sweatshirt gets busted back out. Ring Entrance: "Man in the Box” by Alice in Chains begins and a surge of red and black, yes black, pyrotechnics goes off. Insane Luchador emerges from the lingering smoke and energetically throws his arms up into the air to rally the crowd. He’ll then sprint down the aisle while slapping fans’ hands until he hits ringside where he’ll slide into the ring, roll up, and then wait for his opponent (or the occasional bum-rush). Alternatively, he will walk down the aisle very slowly, while staring at his opponent in the ring with a psychotic grin on his face without giving anything else any attention. This is pretty much the equivalent of when Clint Eastwood walks into town and everybody knows that a massacre will follow. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 4 (His strikes will hurt and he has moments of “explosive” strength) Speed: 6 (He’s no Wildchild but he can move quickly) Vitality: 7 (It’s hard to pull off the sadomasochistic thing if you can’t take pain) Charisma: 3 (He will cut a promo and will play to the crowd but it’s mostly his longevity and persona get him over) Style: Let’s face it. Insane Luchador is at his best in any hardcore environment. Sure, it’s fun to throw some complex kick, do a little chain wrestling exchange, or see just how far those limbs could possibly stretch- but it’s not the most practical thing, at least for success. So he’s swaying back to his old habits- high flying with a steaming side of striking. He’s tried to incorporate some of the other things he’s picked up recently (read notes) but has turned his focus back towards a high flyer who has a brawlers’ mentality- only with some polished strikes this time around (again, read notes). The other tactical change Luchador has made is he’s decided that with his speed and vitality that he should take advantage of it while still fresh- in other words, he’s coming out swinging early on, especially towards the beginning. He figures that his speed gives him fast strikes and evasive skills, so he’ll go balls-to-the-wall in hopes to end or do some damage early on in the match. After that, though, he realizes the importance of pacing himself and will slow down if he needs to until he gets the opportunity to blitzkrieg again. He’s also become well-versed in trying to stuff takedown attempts (basic sprawling), avoid some of the simpler submissions (as well as applying them but it’s not his forte), and will tenaciously strike whenever possible (especially to potentially escape a move). But, at the end of the day, IL isn’t the strongest man or the most talented striker so there has to be a balance between the striking and pseudo-high flying offense. Anything past the “basic” suplexes IL lacks, although he’s learned a few he has clung onto. He also isn’t that keen on submissions, although he’ll try to work on a limb here and there, but he mostly focuses demolishing the head/neck area combined with a slew of strikes to the body (usually in the form of kicks) to wear them down. Signature moves: Evenflow DDT- Old finisher and it’s a great move to set up for some top rope assault, but it’s nothing too brutal. Moonsault- One of his few, maybe even only, picture perfect move. Brainbuster Suplex Tornado DDT Top Rope Crossbody Striking to DDT Combination- Right leg kick, left leg kick, right kick to the floating ribs, feint left kick and create space with an elbow, toe kick, and then grabs the front headlock, cranks the neck, rains down some elbows into the opponent’s spine, and finally drops for the DDT. Fisherman’s Buster- He tried to have it as a new finisher but it didn’t pan out, but he’ll still try. Planchas- Done without hesitation and can range from simple to amazing (if the mood strikes) Frog Splash- Quickly done and tries to get the cover. Flying knee- Now, this is the MMA style flying knee, not Triple H’s. This is the type of move where he fully commits with a huge lunge, or grab the back of the opponent’s head to pull it down for ensured connection, and it’d be appreciated if this is mildly sold if it hits. Common moves: Spinning backfist Flying forearm Baseball slide to opponent in tree of woe Rear Naked Chokehold- Stolen from JJ Johnson after learning, the hard way, how effective it can be. Victory Roll Leg Kicks- There’s some venom behind these kicks but it’s more just to throw an opponent off balance. Half-Nelson Facebuster Knees- Using the clinch with the knees to the body are always a favorite of his. Double Stomp Hurricanrana Elbows/Forearms- He's no Danny Williams but it's more reliable than wild punches. Springboard Missile Dropkick Rolling Koppo Kick Kesagiri Chops- Not the most common strike since it's far from IL's specialty. Guillotine Choke Kick Combinations- A simple string of kicks to wear down the opponent, they’re usually nothing too dazzling, a series of kicks to the thigh, ribs, and then maybe a high kick to the head. Shotei Reverse DDT Spinning Back Kick- One of the more rare kicks. Top Rope Leg Drop Rare moves: 450* Splash Striking combination- Destruction- Foe and IL are back to back. IL reaches one arm back and hooks it around the opponent's throat then holds the other arm out in a cross. He then bends down and lets the opponent lay on his back, hopefully somewhat elevated, and then jumps backwards to smash them on their faces. It's hard to explain and it's sketchy but I've seen this move done. It's possible. Hardcore moves: Balcony Sault (Signature)- It's a moonsault from a balcony. Pretty self explanatory- he'll hit it against anybody if the opportunity presents itself but he rarely hits it. It's safe to say that off any high object IL will have no problem trying to hit a moonsault. Hanging On the Brink (Signature)- It's the same thing as Brink of Insanity (see finishers) but instead it’s while the opponents facing the crowd while he’s got the lock on the top rope. It’s not the most convenient position for him to find himself in but it’s perfect for smashing through objects on the outside. GoreGasm (Signature)- Backdrop driver. But it must be done through or onto something. Get creative because it's one of his favorites. Master of Masochism (Rare)- Corkscrew moonsault and it’s always be off of something insanely high. Usually through something and Luchador will occasionally have a weapon to keep him company. Finishers: Implant DDT- This is his new finisher and he has found a way to make sure it’s a nasty, nasty one. Brink of Insanity- He gets the opponent in a full nelson near the turnbuckle. He hops onto the top turnbuckle and leaps off, swinging his legs to his opponent's side, and bringing them down. Used for heavier opponents or if the situation presents itself. Notes: Insane Luchador has been experimenting with various styles of wrestling in hopes to turn around the corner, lacking much success besides a short hardcore and cruiserweight reign from a few years back. Soon he realized that his natural talent for a brawling-based fight simply works for him, he had already built a career on it (successful or not) and decided to hit the gyms at some MMA camps, mostly for submission defense and striking. No, no he isn’t a skilled striker or MMA artist- this is merely my attempt to explain how he’s suddenly become quite component compared to past times. He finally had decided on a new way to approach his matches in hopes to capitalize on what’s been learned. So what’s the approach? It’s pretty simple- he’s become exposed to more strikes (such as the flashy kicks, let’s say) but that doesn’t mean he has perfected it, a lot of the times he hasn’t done it often but practiced it here-or-there. He’s also kept the few suplexes learned under his hat, realizing that he doesn’t have the natural knack for an arsenal of suplexes, and has tried to learn some new submissions. So, basically, he’s faced off against more or less every style but that doesn’t mean he’s necessarily great at any of those styles. This led to him realizing that if he could hit fast and hard early in the match, potentially sacrificing energy later-on if it doesn’t pay off, using his old mentality- high flying with strikes. However, now that Luchador has learned some techniques and strikes, he’s more likely to throw them at any given chance. IL definitely has an unstable mind but he isn't quite "voices in my head" crazy, instead he just has a very warped view on his life and the world surrounding him. He’s taken a rather reckless approach in wrestling, never truly hesitating on his actions (read: will recklessly fly sometimes), and has a firm belief in passing out before tapping out. He also bleeds like a first timer, adores any sort of hardcore match, and sometimes can seem like a complete masochist (although that’s mostly to freak out an opponent). Bio: Don’t bother, even I have lost track and the parts I do remember, well, they’re not worth sharing.

That card is amazing and I'm so fucked, but it feels so... good (and that sounded so dirty).

So the only legal weapons are the ones that the wrestler snags off their pole and it's first fall wins, right? Either way, cool, and it's a nice card.

Wednesday and being named Storm would be nice.

If anybody unbooked wants some sort of match then I'd be cool with that, and I'd show.

Because nobody else will. Aftershock Report- By That Same Random Fucker First off, I have to say that I usually feel for this poor crowd here tonight. Anybody who buys Aftershocks tickets are more or less getting screwed over considering the price they pay since it's usually a couple promos. But tonight's different and it's pretty damn important for a change, since it's going to have the seeding Battle Royal to shape up the Cold Front tournament. It's not the most confusing system in the world but it's not quite the simplest, or maybe that's my excuse for not having to explain it. Just look at it this way, the first seven eliminated first from the match aren't in the tournament. The Champion(s) Speaks "Hey up?" That's how they say it, really? That's just being lazy... throwing in the "what" wouldn't take too much effort now would it? I mean that's the truth, innit? Anyway. Toxxic shows that deep down, somewhere there's a closet football (the American football, bastards) fan inside of there as he drops Rice's name. Or maybe he's a closet fan of Dancing with the Stars, now there's something that will rarely get a crowd pop. After that he begins to get the point- it's going to be him and Jay Hawke (~!) facing off on November 30th. Now there's a match that everybody should be able to appreciate in some way, shape, or form. Cheap shot at Hawke by comparing him to Pretzler, but it seems like a rather legitimate point. He begins to ramble about the Elimination Chamber match and that gives nice segue into discussing him screwing Zyon over. Hard. Wait, I was wrong, he's using it to call Drake out, fair enough. This could be more interesting but Michael, you screwed over Zyon. Hard, really hard, like jackhammerin' hard. Did that sound dirty? That sounded kinda' dirty. Maybe it's my twisted mind but aaannnyyywwaaayyyy- Drake was officially pinned at the Elimination Chamber, more or less due to a drink in the face. So this two exchange in a lil' argument but suddenly Drake sways it back to Zyon, well, it does come back full circle. Then it shifts back to those two and ho-ly shit are there some interesting twists and turns to this one. Mostly the fact that Drake's girlfriend cheated on Toxxic with his girlfriend and Stephens sent him away by testifying for four years. Well it's no wonder that he's such a pissy fellow in general, let alone towards Michael. Now it's broken down into a Jerry Springer episode, apparently a bunch of drunk kids jumped Stephens and Drake back in the day, which is a stupid move. What's a worse move, though, is beating that drunk guy nearly to the point of death. What's the worst move of all is to testify against your friend, but that's just me. Well, it was an interesting exchange... a very revealing exchange between the two. Things aren't even close to over, however, this promo is over. So we fade out and my bladder is cryin' out, so I make the sacrifice of going to the bathroom, missing some action... I come back to- Insane Luchador's -Friendly- Rambling Maybe it doesn't show but I, for the most part, can't stand IL. So this led to me leaving the kitchen to make a sammich, figuring when I'd get back it may be time for things to move on. When I came back Hardy was sighing and Luchador was walking away. If any of you are dumb enough to invest time to paying attention to IL, well, this isn't the place to look for a recap. Battle Royal There are tons of elements to this Battle Royal that I could possibly explore at the moment. But I won't. Just, trust me, there's history a-bound in the ring. The bell chimes and all the men bumrush at each other, as what happens with all Battle Royals, and Akira faces sure elimination by Nemesis but gets lucky. Myers, however, isn't and he gets thrown out of the ring by Nemesis. Imagine that, Myers' being eliminated from this one. Doesn't really matter to anybody, except for Myers but even that's debateable, and the match continues on. Drake takes a low blow from Maddix, though it seems rather accidental, as Benson dropkicks him from behind. Blank floors Landon back down to the canvas, I'm pretty sure it was with a belch too, then lariats Benson, and Johnson sets Dangerous up for disaster as he elbows him into Bruce's path. But somebody as quick as Johnny Dangerous is able to make the best of this situation, and he does, as he is able to smack Bruce with a spinning wheel kick. He stumbles against the ropes and tries to cream Dangerous with a right drunken haymaker, straight out of Western movies, but instead he gets caught by Johnny with the MI Slam to the outside that eliminates him... okay, that part is pretty damn rare in the Western movies. Anyway, if you lack reading comprehension, Bruce Blank is now eliminated from the match as well. Meanwhile Cross and Benson decide to scheme against Nemesis with Matflesh (as Tom suggested to the four) as all four make a bumrush at Nemesis. Well, all three. Benson tries for a Crossbody but instead is hurled outside of the, so he's eliminated, Cross just bounces off the big man, and now Matthews realizes that Flesher's laughing in the corner. He gets caught by Nemesis and tossed over the top rope, so there goes Grappler. A dick move but we wouldn't accept anything less from Flesher, now would we? But now the huge Nemesis rapidly approaches Flesher who simply throws a shotei, to little success. He shakes it off easily and Flesher throws out another one before being backed into the corner. Then, in a very rare instance, Flesher hops onto the second turnbuckle to take flight with a flying palmstrike. Nemesis now reels backwards as everybody uses this as their chance- Akira hits a huge dropkick that sends Nemesis against the ropes, followed by Jimmy the Doom (in a very humorous way) doing a gigantic clothesline to sacrifice himself in order to eliminate both men! So. There are down to nine men, if you've lost count, and now things are really getting interesting. Everybody else makes a rush at Nighthawk, the last big man remaining, as Landon tries to hurl Drake over the top rope (who has recovered from the ugly nutshot and just really needs to invest in a nutcup). Meanwhile Nighthawk can't fight off the mass as he gets dumped to the outside. Now every man inside that ring has a shot at the title but, of course, the match continues. Actually, nix that thought as two bells chime- making Gabriel Drake the next elimination and Nighthawk the number eight seed! Well, that sucks, especially for Drake. Meanwhile Maddix laughs with his eyes shut, since that's what we all do when we're confronted by numerous opponents, and he learns his lesson by getting cracked by a flying knee from Johnson. JJ tries to follow up with his path o' destruction by elbowing Spike but he ducks underneath it, planting a knee into Johnson, and he sets up for the Endwell. Wait, that's a shitty metalcore band? I'll take your word for it, King. Anyway. Akira smacks Jenkins with a super kick and even Johnson before following through by attacking Spike again. Akira tries for the Divine Wind but instead, in a pretty cool move, Spike reverses it, gets his own cravate in, runs up the ropes, flips down, and is able to sink in his Dragon Clutch. Shame you can't win by submission, as Mak points out, and suddenly Johnson comes back with a tremendous double stomp that puts Spike and probably out. Across the ring Flesher seems to be dominating Cross until the man gets a few punches right in the face in first followed by a knee. He turns his attention to Landon and Dangerous, who continued to trade blows, until Flesher suddenly sends him over the top rope. Now he's also gone from the match. Meanwhile King lectures about the Art of War. Flesher follows up with a huge Railgun Suplex that doesn't -quite- eliminate Johnny. He then gets caught by a vertical suplex by Landon and Jenkins, until Jenkins turns his back on Landon with the the Endwell. Ha. Johnson gets rushed by Dangerous, he whiffs on a roundhouse, and gets caught in a potential MI Slam until he rolls down his back, shoves him into Akira, who European Uppercuts him away, and then JJ eliminates him. Now JJ and Akira exchange blows until the Divine Wind hits a Super Kick to get the upper hand. Now it's time for him and Spike to throw down in strikes, so they do. Again, Divine Wind gets the upper hand and Spike is served right into Flesher's grasp- where he gets thrown over the top rope with a railgun suplex! Christ, that was brutal...ly awesome. Now it's back to Johnson and Akira brawling as an elbow smash sends the Divine Wind against the ropes. That's probably the last place you want to be in this match, sans the outside floor already. So akira leaps out for another Super Kick but it's caught by JJ Johnson who uses that as his chance to give him the heave-ho to the outside. Now it's down to Flesher, Landon, and Johnson. The final three. Maddix catches Tom with an elbow smash but eats a palm strike right in the jaw as he drops to one knee that JJ uses to step up on for the Shining Wizard. Johnson gets back up as Maddix is certainly down and Flesher goes in for the takedown. But Johnson, as any amateur, UFC fighter knows, instantly sprawls to avoid the takedown. He then shows off more skills as he's able to spin out of Tom's grasp to get behind him, waistlock, and one hell of a dangerous German. Well, German suplex. The Germans haven't been so dangerous since WWII... unless they rally behind Hasselhoff, at that point I'll be fleeing for Germany before shit goes down. Anyway. Flesher is able to recover with an attempt to lariat Johnson over the ropes but instead he gets caught in the fireman's carry. Johnson tries to dump him over the top rope but Flesher lands on the ring apron and floors Johnson with a palm strike. Meanwhile, unluckily for Flesher, Maddix is in mid-air with his dropkick as his aim has fallen... to be replaced by Flesher. Maddix connects and Tom goes tumbling to the outside. Adios Flesh'ah, that's karma for screwing over your partner... in a very humorous fashion. Now it's down to the last two, two men who have a lot of history behind them. Maddix hesitates but he does finally act and he lifts Johnson up for the Tombstone. But JJ slides off of Landon's shoulders and he locks in the waistlock before heaving him over the top rope with a German Suplex! Today Landon was graced by whatever God, or just pure luck if you're an Atheist, as he does an entire flip so he lands on his feet on the outside. Good for him, bad for spot of the night. Anyway, that leaves JJ Johnson the winner of this year's royal! It was a pretty entertaining match and really picked up towards the end, so I'll give it *** 1/2 stars. -- Someone else should comment and, having said that, congrats JJ.

THE MAIN EVENT - SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Michael Stephens ©©© and Landon Maddix © vs. The Predators (Jay Hawke and Nighthawk) ~Two Skinny White Guys, but Hawke(s) shouldn't be counted out. COLD FRONT CLASSIC - FIRST ROUND MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher (3) vs. Johnny Dangerous © (6) ~It could go either way, but if Flesher's into this match then I gotta' give it to him. COLD FRONT CLASSIC - FIRST ROUND MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins (5) vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu (4) ~Nice match up, I'll go with Spike. Pure Rules Exhibition JJ Johnson vs. Devin Benson ~Have to go with JJ. HARDCORE MATCH (non title) "The Beast" Gabriel Drake vs. Jimmy the Doom © ~Hmmm... Jimmy's all snuggly in hardcore matches but it's hard to go against Drake either. Having said that, I'm still thinking Doom. CLASH OF THE COMEBACKS Insane Luchador vs. Zyon ~Hurray Zyon.