RavishingRickRudo

wouldn't it be more of an Easter thing? Yes, it would be _more_ of an easter thing, but it's still a Christmas thing. Still doesn't take away that I relate the story of Jesus with mind-numbing boredom. I swear, if I saw that movie I'd feel a natural inclination to look up at the ceiling and count the lights. And that's fucking hard in a theatre.

Anyone else interested in seeing what all the fuss is about? Not really. I've heard about it every freakin Christmas for the past 21 years of my life in one of the most boring places you can go to (church), so forgive me if I can't get excited about this

Man, that was one bad main event! lol. The first match -though JIP'd- had a really good ending, the second fight was less exciting but I felt was still interesting. Watching TK work the guard was fun cause he was always active. The third fight had some really good striking from the ground and I love that sleeper hold finish. I really enjoyed the fourth fight (Horn/Takase) as Horn showed some really good strikes from the mount and Takase looked fucked. The fifth fight continued to prove why Pat Miletech is the cure for insomnia. Not that his opponent was any better, but shit, he has had some of the most boring matches I have ever seen. The main event was, well, disappointing. The highlight were the two (and only) leg kicks Smith threw. Hell, the package before the fight was more exciting. They should have showed Smith vs. Coleman! Not the most exciting event, but looking at the card -on paper- it wasn't promising to be. I enjoyed it a lot though, it brought back some really good memories of an age often forgotten (the "mid UFC" years - usually people remember the early days of Gracie and their 31-and-up shows). UFC 12-20 is one of my personal favourite periods of time in MMA because it showed the learning process and evolution of the sport. Around the time of _this_ show people were taking what was taught and learned previously and trying to put it together and worked out the kinks. The outcome is what we have today. The announcing was good -it's always nice to hear Blatnick-, Buffer is still a tool, John Peretti is still flamingly gay, and Goldberg is, as always, gaggingly tolerable. I love that TSN is showing these 2 hour-block of events and hope to see some of the later ones in the future.

*Chris Jericho calls up Trish Stratus on the phone. Jericho has yet to see the "new" Trish. The screen is spit in two while both talk on the phone. Jericho with a cell, Trish with a green desk phone with a rotating dial.* Trish: Hello, Miss Wonderful Trish Stratus on the phone, talk is cheap unless you callin co-lect and then it's a FORtune! *giggles* Who is dis? Chris: Um, it's me Trish. Trish: Is this Chris Jer-i-cho? Oh my, whattayou callin me fo shug? Chris: Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for a quick bite to eat. I was talking to Christian and he said that I had to see you, in person. He didn't really say anything else. Trish: Oh that Christian.. Can you believe that lil white boy ran out of my dressing room in a huff of smoke goin on about bein tired and it was only 7 o'clock in the evening? Now, I know I gotsta get my beauty sleep but I can't get to sleep until I gets to see my stories on the teevee. I swear, that new show the OC, I don't get all them rich white peoples problems but I love seein them all get mad and frustrated and gone crazy *giggles*, I tell you boy, you people can be funny sometimes! Chris: Um, right. Anyways, I was thinkin maybe we'd meet at Lache's? It's a new french restaurant on the waterfront. They serve some great seafood. Trish: Oh I don't like seafood Chris, it gives me the gases. I say we go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles! Chris: Roscoes? Trish: Mmmhmm. Chris: Sure, why not? I thought you didn't eat high calorie food Trish? Trish: Oh, I'm always on a diet baby, but you know, I swear I'm gonna do somethin next week to really get in shape. Oh I'm a mess aren't I? Chris: Well, the last time I saw you you were quite beautiful, really. Trish: Oh you charmer! You're a charmer aren't you! You a real sweettalker oh my. *Starts to breathe heavy* I swear chile, it just got real hot in here. Whew. When you wanna meet up? Chris: How about in a half hour? Trish: Alright by me. I see you theen. Chris: Ok, see you then. *Click* *Beep* *50 minutes later* *Jericho is sitting patiently at Roscoes C&W as he sees a 1987 Tan Monte Carlo pull up.* *He giggles to himself at the sight of the old car* *He sees a familiar face get out of the car and enter the building. She stumbles over her heels and fixes her hair and puts on some red lipstick* *He sees her enter and ask a waiter a question and he points directly at Jericho* *Jericho's eyes open wide as Trish walks up and waves* Jericho: Uh, TRISH? Trish: That's right, dumplin. Live and in the flesh. Oh, you must be wonderin why I'm late. Well, my third chile James, well he gone got himself a new girlfriend named Kaylee. He brought her over and introduced her to me and she turns out to be some white girl from the other side of town. Now, I ain't a racist or nothin but I just lost my head and kicked both of them out. I swear, I needed some time to recover and I didn't even think I could drive over here I was so mad. Jericho: You have a son? Trish: 5, actually. There's Larry - the oldest, he wants to be a fireman -, Leroy - he is a store manager of a jack-in-the-box, he makes me so proud - James - who got himself some rich cracka and I never want to see him again but I love him still - Marvin - a trouble maker but he means well - and Michael -the baby, he's still in school, I had him 15 years ago and it only seems like yesterday! *Trish puffs up hair* Oh look at me, I'm doin all the talkin when you were the one who asked me out. *Giggles* Now what did you want Mr. Chistopher? Jericho: Well, uh, I, uh, um... *Waiter walks up* Waiter: Can I take your order? Jericho: YES! Yes you can! Yes indeed! YES! Thank god. Um, Trish, why don't you order first... Trish: Well, I, hmm, let me see I never got to take a look at the menu, so lemme look here. *Trish looks over the menu for 10 minutes while the Waiter and Jericho look on in awe* Trish: Ok, I'll have STYMIES CHOICE, extra giblets, I want the grits on it's own plate, and if you could, could you save the biscuit for later. *Turns to Jericho* Michael just loves the biscuits and asked me to bring him home one! I swear that chile is growin up so fast he libel to be a pro rassler himself some day like his momma! Jericho: Um, yeah. I'll have a glass of water, I sorta lost my... Um... I'll have the water. *Meals arrive* *Trish pulls a spray bottle full of hot sauce out of her purse and begins to spray the chicken and eggs with it* Trish: My doctor says I shouldn't eat spicy food, but you can't tell a bird she can't fly! It just doesn't work like that. Now, you never got around to what you were goin to tell me, so don't hush up on me now sweetpea cause I know them pretty lips want to be movin. Jericho: Uuuuuuh.. Trish: Well just say it! Jericho: Uuum, yeah... well... *his face lights up and he smiles* *he takes a deep breath* Christian really likes you Trish, and I think that it's best that I don't come between you two. You know? I mean, it'll just get complicated and I think you two are best for each other. He really does like you a lot Trish, and he'd be a great father to those boys of yours. *A loud "SONNOFABITCH* is heard from the booth next to them. A man in a black trenchcoat and tweet cap with sunglasses on gets up and leaves muttering something about a big ass to himself* *Jericho smiles as Trish contemplates her new admirer Christian*

*Trish Stratus comes out of her 1987 Tan Monte Carlo and walks toward the arena* JR: Oh, and I guess now we're seeing WWE Diva of the Decade Trish Stratus arriving on the scene. Bah Gawd that's a huge ass. Howdya suppose that happened, King? King? GOOD GOD King, what are you doing?! King: Um... JR: For the love of... Jerry, are you tanning yourself while we're on air? King: Well.. JR: I'm tellin ya King, you're going to get skin cancer if you keep it up. King: I just want to look my best for the Dark Princess of RAW. JR: Fer Cryin out loud, Trish Stratus is not a 50 year old Black Woman. She's dilusional! She needs mental help! She needs... King: About 4 inches of Memphis Grade-A recently-tanned pork inside her! Whoo hoo! JR: Sonnofabitch! King, will you cut that out! We've got a match to call! *"Bailamos" by Enrique Iglesias plays as Molly Holly makes her way to the ring. She is yelling at the fans about them not knowing her and giving them the hand.* JR: And now, Molly Holly. A mid-western girl with Latin roots... or so she says. King: Oh that posterior is definitely south of the border JR! JR: Well, in any case, this 'transformation' has certainly given ol Molly quite the temper and quite the set of fake nails. King: Could you imagine those things across a chalk board? Or better yet, gripped around my.. JR: I shudder to think. *Molly gets on the mic* Molly: You knooow, I'm 'ere on RAW e-and I don't think you people know me! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! Quit talkin like you know me, Okaaay? Because if you deed, you would know that I am thee best weemans wrestler on thees rosta. Now hold my baby, cause ees papi ain't around no longer. *Molly hands her baby over to referee Chad Patton.* *"Time, Love and Tenderness" by Michael Bolton plays* JR: What the...? *Victoria comes out in blue track pants, tennis shoes, and a vomit-stained white t-shirt that says "Portland Ball-Hockey Association" on it. Her hair is messed up with a pin in it and she has no make up on.* King: What.. uh... what happened to Victoria? JR: I guess she's been listening to Dr Phil and getting in touch with who she really is... I guess? King: She was a lot hotter before. JR: Well, she still kinda is... King: JR! JR: I'm sorry King, I guess this ol Sooner digs the simplified approach. King: Oh god. JR: Hey, I'm not the one wearing 10 pounds of gold chains around his neck. King: HEY! These are for street cred! JR: Well whatever, hopefully we'll get to see some great in-ring action from these normally great female wrestlers. *Victoria gets ready for battle while Molly is spraying her hair* *Suddenly, over the PA* "Mommy? Mommy? Where are you mommy?" *Victoria looks to the Titan Tron and sees Stevie Richards dressed 10 sizes too small carrying around a blanket.* Stevie: Did you see my Mommy? She's big and she has black hair and... *Victoria runs out of the ring* JR: Oh dear god... please don't tell me. *Victoria runs and finds Stevie and hugs him and sheds a few tears and holds him up against her breast* Victoria: It's ok Stevie baby, Mommy's here. JR: Oh christ, this is starting to get sick. King... KING? King: Even I'm disgusted by this JR... sweet jesus... *A shot of Stevie smiling while being carried out in the arms of Victoria and then a commercial* RRR: Raising the Bar of Offensiveness.

Oh 50-Year-Old-Black-Woman-Trish has legs baby! You can take it anywhere. Jericho, HHH, Michaels, Teddy Long (TEDDY LONG!), Bischoff, JR, King, Molly Holly, Vince McMahon, Kane, Taker. The possibilities are endless. *Teddy Long, Mark Henry and Jazz are walking backstage when a recently-fucked-by-bischoff Trish Stratus exits her room* *They freeze and look on in amazement. One of Trishes shoulder pads are hanging out the top of her dress, only a few curlers are left in her hair, her make up is, well, still messed up* *Teddy Long is horrified. Jazz is shocked. Mark Henry has this blend of bewilderment and sexual arousal.* *Trish puts her hand on Jazz's shoulder* Trish: Mmm giiirl, lemme tell you that that Eric Bischoff is one fiiiiine piece of whiteboy. Mmm MMM! MMMMMM! *sniffs and points at everyone* I've never been loved to like that since the Carter administration! GOOD LAWD! Can I can an amen to that! Teddy: What... THE... HELL? Mark Henry, what the hell is goin on here? Mark: I dunno Teddy, but I think I like it. *Teddy looks at Henry in astonishment, see's where Henry is looking and then looks back at Trish* *Trish continues to smile as if nothing is wrong* *Teddy finally sees Trishes large ass* Teddy: Oh my GOD woman, what happened to you BUTT!? Trish: Oh this? *Trish puts hand on ass* Family Secret *Trish Giggles* Teddy: Well I'll be damned, if that ain't the biggest posterior... Jazz: TEDDY! Teddy: WHAT?! I'm just sayin, playaette. Jazz: Let's go guys. *Takes Trishes hands off shoulder* We don't need this hoochie hangin off us. Trish: Uh, say what now? Jazz: I said, we don't NEED this HOOCHIE hangin on of us. Trish: Oh chile, you done prepped yourself for a beatdown now. *Takes curlers out of hair* *flicks off all the press-on nails* *Takes off fake eye lashes* *adjusts dress* *gets into a lame boxing stance* *all the while Jazz looks on in boredom, Teddy still in shock, and Henry still disturbed and horny.* Jazz: Aight calm yourself down there Trish. You might hurt yourself with dem lame heels on. *Trishes eyes open wide* Trish: Oh, now you're talkin bout my heels? Oh, don't make me break my foot off in yo ass! Jazz: You probably could with those cheap things. Trish: OOOOOh, you done it now hun, I'm gonna beat you like I beat my 4th chile Marvin. Oooh that Marvin, he got himself arrested fo breakin into the ol Matheson house and I had to come down to the pooleece department at fo o'clock in the mornin in my bathrobe and bail him out and spent 200 dollas of my rumours and menthol money - cause we all have our vices and rumours and menthols are mine, girl - and for a straight month I had to go around smokin these lil things and readin from discarded papers and I whooped him good everyday for that whole month with the channel changer. And now I'm about to do the same to you! *Teddy gets in between them before anything action takes place* Teddy: Now hold on a minute sistas.. I mean, sista... don't let this white girl bait you into a fight. Just leave her be in her cheap shoes and her bad weeve and lets go on out of here. She ain't worth it. Beleedat. Trish: Oh I know you just didn't call me all that! Now I'm gonna have to beat you too! And damn, if you ain't a fine man yourself Mr. Long... Mr. LOooooong... you know, you sure do look like Luther Vandros in that suit of yours. You sing like Luther too? *Teddy realizes that Trish is coming on to him* Teddy: Um... uh... errr.... duh... shhhhpt... cha... euh... wwwwwwuh?

Maybe we could form a self-help group, for people like us who have been mortally wounded by hurtful acts involving shit-lists on wrestling message boards. Maybe, together, we can let the healing begin.

Dr. Tong with an incision of knowledge into this thread Thankya.

I just hope to whomever posted this, wherever you are right now you feel absolutely horrid over making somebody as cool as RRR run to his room in tears. Wait, I didn't say I did that.

Good god even I'm offended by that.

*Christian gives a light tap on the door and walks into Trishes dressing room* Christian: Trish, are you in here? (Trishes voice can be heard from the bathroom) Trish: Yeah Christian baby, I'm just in the bathroom afreshinin up. Go on and make yoself at home sugar. *Christian, obviously confused, sits down on the recently-wrapped-in-plastic sofa and sees a series of Tabloid newspapers on a coffee table* Christian: So uh, Big Foot is marrying the Lochness Monster, eh? *Moves, uncomfortably around in the sofa and is disturbed by the sound the plastic makes* Trish: *laughing* oh Christian, you know how much I love my rumours, I can't get enough of them. Christian (trying to look through a crack in the bathroom door from the couch): Uh, yeah. They're pretty crazy... so listen up, I made dinner arragements at this new restaurant in the city -I heard it's great-, and its right by this awesome club and I figured maybe we'd go out for some dinner and dancing, a good time you know? I asked Chris and he said go on without him, so hows about it? Trish: Mmmm mmm, you just know how much I love goin out to new restaurants *giggles*, but baby, you know I can't go dancin on a full stomach! I'd be libel to break my heels and put out a hip! Christian: Umm... ok, so just some dinner, I guess? ... You know, I didn't figure you much for the "break my hip" kinda gal... JESUS CHRIST! *Christian jumps up* *Trish walks out with curlers in her hair, a ton of mascara around her eyes, disturbingly large hoop earings, gigantic fingernails, a leopard-printed dress that looks like she is wearing football shoulder pads under them with a gold chain around her newly-aquired-overly-large-ass, and lipstick in-hand.* Trish: So I look that good, eh sweetpea? Christian: Uh, um... err.. uh... glurb... *Trish then puts the lipstick around her lips, rather than on.* Christian: Dah, Duh, dur, Um, Shhlp... Trish: Well say somethin sweetie, we ain't got all night and I don't think I could fit in this dress for more than an hour. *Christian tries to compose himself* Christian: I, um, I just kinda lost my, um... wha... Trish: Oh, you may be wondering about my recent transformation. Well! I was watchin Oprah the other day and it occured to me that... Christian: You were watching, OPRAH? Trish: Yeah, Lita got me hooked on it, and girl, that Oprah is RIIICH! I tell you she could buy the WWE and turn it into a book club if she wanted to. Anyways, she had Dr. Phiiiil on.. Christian: Dr Phil? Trish: YES, and Dr. Phil said that we all try to be someone we ain't and I was thinkin and I realized that I was doin that too. I was pretendin to be some white lady from Toronto when deep down inside I knew there was somethin more! Christian: Something more? Trish: That's right. And here it is. *Trish does a modelling turn to show herself off* Christian: Gotcha. WOW. That's a, that's a large ass you got there. Well, I um, you know, I don't think it'd be fair to Chris to just up and leave him alone while we go out and have fun, I think it would be best if, um, I just go back to the hotel and... I'm real tired... yeah... so, um, bye. *Christian quickly walks out of the room and bumps into Bischoff* Bischoff: Woahayeyay hey! What's the rush Christian? Christian: Trish is acting like a 50 year old black woman Eric, and it's freaking me out. Bischoff: 50 years old, eh? Christian: Yeah, she's got the curlers in her hair and everything. Bischoff: Long finger-nail press ons? National Enquirer on the coffee table? (both) Plastic wrap on the sofa? Christian: Yep, all of it. Bischoff: Hmm, I see. Well, um, talk to you later. *Christian runs out of the area* *Bischoff enters Trishes lockerroom* Bischoff: Ooooh Triiiiii-iiiish? *Fade to black*

No. If I said that she should also have needlessly long fingertail press-ons, an overly large, wide-brim coach hat with a floral design, carried a change purse and hand-fan and said "ooooooooooh lawdy, that is some mighty fiine man you gotcherselfrightthere, gurl!" and then made references to "Luther", THEN I'd be going to hell. ... .. . I've been watching too much Television.

I don't think even the luscious lips of sweet lady liquor could soothe my pain, C. I think this is something only time can heal. And hopefully, in time, I can bounce back and not make The Neutral President's Shit-List.

Benoit heel is soooo not better. He's gotten _way_ more heat as a face, and his matches get better responses.

Shuddup Saul!

I dunno C, I just don't know any more. Sometimes you take a shot and you get knocked down and you don't know if you can get up, you don't know if you can take another one, and you just wanna stay down cause you don't want to take any more.

Wouldn't she say "baby girl" if she was a 50 year old black woman? I thought the prerequisites would being old and black, but apparently that's not stopping Trish from playing the part. I think she might come out on RAW with curlers in her hair and maybe a rolling pin in-hand, making comments like "don't make me break my foot off in y'ass, chile'" Using words like "sweet pea" and going on and on about her "menthols" and sweet potato pie.

WHOOSH Well, that was random. WHOOSH I didn't get it the first time, now I'm even more boggled. Are you imitating a wave? A series of waves? Perhaps a beach??

To be on any list with Rico, it just makes me feel real dirty. I am sad right now. Thanks alot.

I caught a lil bit of it. Um, they sure are butchering Astroboy. I was like "who the hell is that queer", and it turned out to be Atlas. They queerified Atlas for fucksake!

Because what's to stop us from assuming that RRR's scenario is the storyline? Absolutely nothing. I think Insangle should have a unibrow. To help us further distinguish between Good Kurt and Bad Kurt. Why he didn't have it before is because the more he changes, the more he CHANGES.

So was Mania 2000 So was Mania X-7.

1999 was a cool year for MMA because that's when you could see cross-training coming into full effect and the sport really maturing. It was one or two steps below what we have today (and it's only been 5 years! Can you say the skill level of ANY sport has matured that much in just 5 years?) but it was like 20 steps above what was going one when it first started (which was another 5 1/2 years). I think the first real big sign of the transition was at the next event (which was also shown on TSN) in Frank Shamrock vs. Tito Ortiz.

The best thing to do before HBK pinned Benoit on RAW was for Benoit to win at Mania and then beat HHH again at Backlash. For full-on Damage control, Benoit should kill Michaels at Mania. Like KILL. Enough to put him on the shelf for at least a month (Michaels can rehab his ACL). Something big, something back-related. Just put him away. Then HHH can come out after Mania and say "I always get the belt back, I got it back from Michaels and I got it back from Goldberg, you're not the exception Chris, and I'm going to take it back at Backlash". Then after Benoit beats HHH he can go on to face Michaels who is pissed off that he didn't get a chance to get his revenge on HHH at Mania. There's a lot of cards you can play in that feud to keep it going until Bad Blood. Benoit beats Michaels at Bad Blood and goes on to Summerslam (which is hopefully in the Skydome) to defend his title once again. Of course, this runs the risk of making Benoit a heel, but that risk has always been there since Michaels got involved and is still positioned as the #1 face..

Trish even said, ‘Oh my God, girl.’” When did Trish become a 50 year old black woman?