sfaJack

They won because Tony Romo's thumb hurt. Period.

The other problem with having a girl is that there's a pretty good chance she's going to grow up to be a woman.

San Francisco

Houston

The Astros basically said during the press conference that Adam Everett will not be back next year so Tejada will be at SS.

Eight. You forgot Geoff Blum. Chris Burke is probably traded before Spring Training though.

Congratulations, kkk. Think of all the new material you'll have for the blog!

Oh, yes. This is EXACTLY the sort of stuff I love to see the Texas Legislature get involved with... Link I have Comcast. I can get NFL Network if I want. I choose not to. Why? Because I don't think it's worth paying $7.95 a month for what amounts to eight (mostly crappy) regular season games and expanded combine/draft coverage (something we already get enough of thanks to ESPN and the bajillion draft websites that exist). Would I watch the NFL Network if it were on basic cable? Yeah, probably, at least from time to time. Do I want the cable companies to be forced to put NFL Network on their basic packages, thus causing my cable bill to go up a couple of dollars a month? Hell no. Do the thousands of people that have no interest in the NFL at all want to pay that extra couple dollars a month? Definitely not. There is no way that Comcast and their money-grubbing brethren should be forced to carry the NFL Network on their basic package. Not when the NFL wants an insane $0.70 per subscriber from the cable companies (more than CNN charges) that would just raise everyone's rates, and definitely not when there is no overwhelming public demand for the NFL Network. If that tide shifts one day and the public is suddenly in favor of the NFL Network being widely available, sure, bring it on. Until that happens though, keep the NFL Network exactly where it is. As with nearly everything else in this country, the market will dictate what should happen. Certainly there shouldn't be any legislation on this under any circumstance.

Got this call a few months back at my house at 5:15 in the morning. I'm just glad my wife was in the shower and couldn't answer... Me: “Hello? ... Me: “Hello? If you say nothing in two more seconds, I’m hanging up.” Female voice I do not recognize: “Hi, Jack?” Me: “Uh, yeah? Who’s this?” Female voice I do not recognize: “It’s me.” … Me: “Who?” Female voice I do not recognize: “You don’t know who this is?” Me: “No, ‘fraid not.” Female voice I do not recognize: “You don’t recognize my voice?” Me: “No, I have no idea who you are.” … Female voice I do not recognize: “You really don’t know who this is?” Me: “No, I really don’t.” Female voice I do not recognize: “Oh. Well, fuck you then.” *Click*

Well, not exactly. The strippers aren't $5, but it might cost you that to see some boobies: Link Huzzah, I guess. I don't remember hearing of this latest sneaky attempt by our state Legislature to increase sin taxes (again), but, much like per pack cigarette taxes, I don't care too much since I don't go to strip clubs and thus am not affected by it. And, frankly, anything that might help prevent taxes I actually do pay from rising is fine with me. The problem is that, of course, the government will win the suit, collect this tax, completely waste the money, and then find a new way to tax everyone anyway. So, uh, go strip clubs! Stick it to the man! My favorite part of the article is this: One of my favorites (behind "seperation of church and state" and "RAYCISM~!"): the "FREE SPEECH VIOLATION" card. I know some commie judge will agree with this and overturn the law, but how much of a restriction of free speech is this? The government is not banning strip clubs or imposing more "5 feet away" rules--it's just requiring a $5 cover charge to get in the club. Debate all you want on whether it's fair to levy the fee or not, but I don't get how it's a free speech infringement.

mole started a thread about some con artist that tried to get their hands on a free GPS thingy that seems to have turned into yet another “retail horror stories” thread. Reading it made me reminisce about my days working in a grocery store deli/bakery back in college—the one and only job I’ve ever worked where interacting with dumbass customers is/was an integral part of the job—and, since I only bring interesting, hard-hitting content to this blog, here are a few of my fondest memories of that job, presented in no particular order, in a countdown format. The year was 1999… #3 The store was understaffed on an unusually busy day, so the courtesy booth clerk and assistant manager were forced into checker/bagging duty, making it our job in the bakery/deli to answer the store’s phone. I was the lucky one to answer this call: “Good afternoon, thanks for calling Brookshire Bros. How can I help you today?” “Uh, yeah…I’ve got a question for you.” “Ok.” “Are ya’ll still gonna sell gas after Y2K? ‘Cuz, uh, you know, I hear there won’t be gas and stuff like that.” “Yes, sir, I imagine we will.” “Oh. Well, ok. That’s good.” *click* #2 One week, there was an unadvertised sale of 8-piece fried chicken dinners for $2.99 (insert joke here). Or at least it was supposed to be unadvertised—when the weekly circular ad ran in the paper that Sunday, the 8-piece deal was listed. Problem was that, since it was supposed to be unadvertised, our manager had only ordered a bit more than our usual amount of raw chicken for the first part of the week. I’m sure you can guess what happened. By early Tuesday afternoon, we ran out of chicken. This was bad news for me since I worked the evening shift. So this one bluehair comes in around 5:00 or so and, of course, asks for the special. I launched into the same “I’m sorry; we don’t have any more chicken” speech I’d already given 35 times in the past 3 hours. This was incomprehensible to her. “But your ad says you have chicken meals for $3.” “I know, ma’am. But we are completely out of fried chicken.” “So if you don’t sell chicken, why do have chicken on sale in the paper?” “No, ma’am. We do sell fried chicken. We just don’t have any in stock at the moment.” … (points to the rotisserie chickens) “But isn’t that a chicken right there?” “Yes ma’am, but that is a rotisserie chicken. It’s not on sale.” “So which chicken is on sale then?” “The fried chicken.” “But I can’t buy any?” “No, because we don’t have any in the store.” … “I don’t understand why I can’t buy that chicken right there.” “You can buy it. But it’s not on sale.” “I can’t buy that chicken for $3?” “No.” “Well, I just don’t think that’s right.” And just like that she was gone. #1 It was a normal Saturday afternoon. I had been mostly working the meat slicer that afternoon, but thanks to my coworker’s impeccable timing, he went on break just minutes before a big, angry guy came into storming over to our counter, carrying a bag of our fried chicken. He put the bag on the counter and said, “I need a refund.” “Ok, sir. What’s the problem?” “This chicken ain’t cooked, man. It’s all raw.” “Alright, well, I apologize for that. I can definitely help you out. Would you just like another bag of chicken instead?” “Nah…I just want my money back.” “Ok. Give me just one moment.” I took the bag and looked inside to see if the chicken was actually raw. What did I find inside? A pile of chicken bones, stripped almost completely clean. After a double-take, I spoke up. “Sir, did you eat this chicken?” “Well, yeah, man. How the hell do you think I know it ain’t cooked?” “So…wait a minute. You ate this chicken, even though it was raw?” “Uh, yeah.” “I can’t give you a refund.” “Why not?” “Because you ate the chicken!” He protested again and asked that I call for the manager, which I was more than happy to do. The manager, who wasn’t all that sympathetic to customers’ problems to begin with, listened to my recap of the story, took one look in the bag and told the guy that not only would he not be receiving a refund but that he was not to order chicken or anything else from our bakery/deli or bother any of his store’s staff with anything else ever again. After bowing up and trying to look intimidating, the big guy declared this to be “shitty customer service” before leaving rather quietly.

Well, the other (not humorous) half of that story is the heat that our store management caught for not being prepared for that sale. The district office was none too pleased with our not having enough chicken (apparently they received some phone calls) and formally reprimanded both our store manager and the bakery/deli manager. Their excuse of "well you guys advertised a sale that wasn't supposed to be advertised; it's not our fault" didn't hold much water.

So sfaJill's company's Chirstmas Holiday Party was last night at the fabulous Houstonian Hotel. This is the third one of these things that we've attended (although this is the first one at her new company) and I absolutely hate them because, for me, it's four hours of standing faithfully by her side, making small talk and cracking terrible jokes to a bunch people I've either never met or only see once a year at these parties (and thus don't remember their names anyway). Not exactly a good situation for me, given my general lack of ability to socialize. Toss in the guarded tension in the air (as in people always seem to be reluctant to cut loose and say and act they way they really want to out of fear of harming their career by offending either the boss or one of the affirmative action hires) and the usual office cliques still being in effect and it's usually a pretty awkward situation. Last night's gathering also featured a balcony where all the smokers spent most of their time and, since I am allergic to cigarette smoke, sfaJill and I spent a lot of time sitting at our table entertaining each other because she was afraid to leave me by myself out of fear I would have a totally miserable time (as opposed to the semi-miserable time I ended up having). The comedy highlight of the nights were these: - The little DJ they hired. Dude had so many problems with songs either cutting off or skipping uncontrollably that, at one point, one of the drunk guys in the back (it was open bar) yelled, "Great job with the music man! YOU ROCK!" I do have to give the DJ a little credit though--any guy that can seamlessly merge "Stayin' Alive" into George Strait's "I Cross My Heart" has to have some mad skillz. - sfaJill's boss. Dude is from deep Louisiana Cajun country, which is almost enough entertainment by itself. However, last night, he was wielding a camera and insisted on taking several pictures of damn near everyone in the place, including a couple with me, sfaJill, and...a couple of the other office females sitting my lap. Maybe you had to be there, but the way he basically ordered them all to just have a seat and smile big while sfaJill just sat there with a WTF look on her face was priceless. Oh well. At least that's over for another year. Now I just have to get through another party next Saturday night, this time at the home of one of her coworkers. I've been told to be ready for a few "party games." Oh, God... On Dec. 22, my company is hosting their first "official" company Christmas party in nine years at the Hilton downtown. Fortunately, we won't be attending. We have to go to Kansas City for sfaJill's cousin's wedding, which is the same night. Oh, damn the luck. sfaJill is really annoyed by this though, because I've been at my place of employment for over six years now and, because I do NOT hang out with any of them outside of work, the only time she's ever met any of my coworkers was back in September at my Mom's funeral when four of them showed up (and that wasn't exactly a social occassion). She claims she is dying to meet those people because she can "finally put a face to the names you come home bitching about" but I think she just wants to see if I have any hot female coworkers she can get jealous about. I don't know. I told her it's just as well we have to be in KC that night because I probably wouldn't go to the party anyway.

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and what a glorious day it was. The Cowboys rolled over the Jets, the temperature outside FINALLY dropped out of the 80's around here, and I enjoyed a tremendous Thanksgiving sirloin at Benigan's (the only thing open in Dallas on Turkey Day, besides IHOP, which sucks). What about all the family stuff? Well... At the last moment Thursday morning, sfaJill decided that she'd rather go with me and my dad to Dallas to watch the Cowboys than to her sister's house to hang out with that clan. Her reasoning was some crap about being together on our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife, but I think she just didn't want to deal with all the potential drama I wrote about last time. The plan was for us to go to the game and then hook up with her family upon getting back to Houston on Friday, which sounds easy enough. So Friday morning rolls around; her dad calls about 10:30 to find that we're still a few miles north of Houston's far northern suburbs. Plans are made for us to go home, get unpacked and call them back when we're ready to meet up (note: it took sfaJill nearly 15 minutes on the phone to decide THAT because God forbid anybody on her side make a decision about anything ever). Whatever. We've still got nearly an hour's drive to get home. Around noon, after we've gotten home and my dad has headed off to work, sfaJill and I are ready. She calls her dad back and thus begins another 20 minutes of that world-famous game "where do you want to eat?" The choices are finally narrowed down to Golden Corral (which is awesome) and this Chinese buffet near the house (which is also awesome), so, really, we can't lose either way. After some back and forth crap on the subject, I'm asked for my "opinion" (translation: nobody wants to decide everyone else's fate so they're going to try to get me to do it); I reply that since I had just eaten breakfast a few hours earlier, I'm not really hungry and thus don't really care where we go since I probably won't eat much either way (which actually was true). That frustrates sfaJill to no end, but it is somehow finally decided that Golden Corral is the choice. Not five minutes later, while sfaJill is still running around the house frantically searching for a hair brush to toss in her purse, the phone rings. I answer. It's my father-in-law. "Hello, Jack." "Hey, Martin." "We've got a change of plans." "Oh?" "Yeah, your mother-in-law wants to go to the Chinese place instead." Sigh. I swear... So, anyway, we all meet up at the Chinese place to find her dad, mom, brother, and 3-year-old nephew. No sign of sister or brother-in-law. We were told they didn't want to come. Good. That made the lunch actually kind of enjoyable because there is always less tension without sister there. Father-in-law even pcks up the check (score!). It was going really well...and then sfaJill invited everyone over to our house for the afternoon. The problem? They're not allowed to bring the nephew to our house, says mother-in-law. Apparently, sister has decided that since we had such a problem with his behavior the last time he was there that it's best if he just not go over to our house anymore. Thus, my in-laws are afraid of taking him here, out of fear he will mention to mommy that he was at Uncle Jack and Aunt Jill's house and then they will catch hell about it. (I should note that the "problem" with nephew's behavior last time was that he kept pulling cushions off our couches, jumping all over them/throwing them everywhere , and then didn't put them back on the couches after both sfaJill and I told him to stop. Sister wrote that off as "He's three! What, you think he can sit still for 10 minutes?" and after I told her "Uh, yeah" and sfaJill backed me up, sister's been "punishing" us for it ever since. This happened back in June, by the way.) sfaJill was PISSED. We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around Sam's Club in an effort to spend some quality time together, but I wouldn't call it that. sfaJill and her mom did nothing but bitch about sister the whole time, which just made everyone but the kid unhappy. It was a long day that ended with an invitation (from the in-laws) to us to come to sister's house today for something called "turkey pie." I have no idea what that is. sfaJill said she doesn't want to go if she's not welcome there, to which her dad said "Well, I'M welcoming you". So, I think we're gonna go. Should be awkward silences for everyone! Yesterday was not a total waste though. I did find 7lbs of 90% lean ground beef for $16 at Sam's Club yesterday. Can't pass up a deal like that.

I wandered around the floor here a few minutes ago and counted 15 people. In my group, there are exactly two of us here (out of 11). That raises the question: is everyone else lazy or am I an even bigger sap than I realize? Probably the latter. Oh well. At least I've gotten a lot of work done today. No coworkers = no obnoxious noise, which makes me happier and more productive. The only downside is that now I'm going to be watching the clock as it is customary for management to dismiss us a few hours early today. That usually happens around 1:00, which is 25 minutes away. It will seem like an eternity... ------------------------------- So Thanksgiving is tomorrow. That will make for a nice four-day weekend. Yay. sfaJill's family will be gathering at her sister's house tomorrow for the traditional Thanksgiving crap. I'll bet $100 that this gathering will include her brother and mom yelling at each other about whatever his girlfriend has done lately to piss mom off, sfaJill's sister continuing to give sfaJill the silent treatment over some shit that I said/did three months ago regarding their son, and my brother-in-law's mom pissing everyone else off just because she's a total bitch and that is her specialty. Fortunately, thanks to the magic of the Cowboys playing their usual Thanksgiving Day game, I will be 250 miles away, basking in the glow of what should be an easy win over the Jets. Thank you, Cowboys. Thank you. I will have to listen to a phone call from an exacerbated sfaJill later that night during which she will declare that's she tired of their "bullshit" and is THIS CLOSE to cutting them out of her life, but that is a small price to pay for getting out of sitting through all the fun. So, in the spirit of celebrating Thanksgiving, all of its excesses, and football, I'm going to steal an idea from kkk and post my picks for this week's games. The difference is that I'll pick them straight-up because, well, it's easier. Green Bay @ Detroit I'm taking the Packers, but I hope the Lions can pull one out here because that would mean the Cowboys would effectively have a three-game lead on the Pack in the race for home-field after they beat Green Bay next week. N.Y. Jets @ Dallas Cowboys were flat against the Skins last Sunday, which is to be expected after two huge road wins over Philly and the Giants. That will not happen again. Cowboys by 17. Indianapolis @ Atlanta Injuries or not, the Colts should kill them. Joey Harrington sucks, yes, but Byron Leftwich has been even worse this year. Buffalo @ Jacksonville I actually think Jacksonville has a chance to mess with the Patriots in January, if Mike Peterson gets well and Garrard can have a really good game. Denver @ Chicago What a horrible game. Denver is like three last second field goals from being 2-8 and the Bears just suck. Bears to win, but only because they're at home. Houston @ Cleveland Texan fans, who are desperate for ANYTHING resembling mediocrity, are whispering about possibly grabbing that second wild card. Well, that train gets derailed this week. Minnesota @ N.Y. Giants Just a hunch here. I just can't believe in the Giants (and no, it isn't just because they're a rival for the 'Boys). They've beaten exactly nobody of note, unless you count beating the Lions on the road as a "somebody." And I don't. New Orleans @ Carolina I'm only picking the Saints because the Panthers seem incapable of doing anything right. Oakland @ Kansas City If JaMarcus Russell doesn't get at least a few snaps this week, Lane Kiffin should be fired. Seattle @ St. Louis Seattle isn't very good, but they will be good enough to beat the Rams. Tennessee @ Cincinnati I don't care how much VY sucks, I'm not picking the Bengals again this year. They've screwed me over many times already. Washington @ Tampa Bay Just because Washington can go to Hell. San Francisco @ Arizona Let's go Cardinals! Time for somebody other than Seattle to rule the West. That and the Niners are really, really horrible. Baltimore @ San Diego I'm picking the Chargers, but I'm secretly hoping the Ravens blow them out so that (hopefully) LT will start to become so angry about having to play for Norv Turner that he demands a trade to Dallas so he can come home and lead the 'Boys to another Super Bowl next year. Hey, Dallas does have an extra #1 to offer... Philadelphia @ New England Won't even be close. No comment necessary. Miami @ Pittsburgh Ditto. The Steelers should be good and angry after getting slapped by the Jets.

Hey, fuck you. I even said I was picking straight up because it's easier! Besides, the real nuggets of wisdom are in the detailed analysis accompanying each pick, not the picks themselves.

Congratulations!

Well, at least this latest example of ridiculous PC bullshit isn't happening in America. Yet. Link ----------------------------- So how did the second part of helping my brother move go this past weekend? Since the heavy furniture was already gone, it was mostly boxes left to move. Boxes are always easier, especially when you have the help of a dolly. There was a still a little too much disorganization, in that the kitchen hadn't been packed at all and the few remaining furniture pieces still had stuff in them and thus couldn't be moved without having to be cleaned out first, but, to my great surprise, it was a pretty easy day. Well, unless you factor in these events: - sfaJill wanting to kill my sister-in-law, who, for the second week in a row, perfected the art of sitting on her ass doing nothing all day (using the excuse of "I'm watching the kid") while sfaJill packed box after box of crap in the kitchen. (Note: sfaJill found no less than NINE crock pots in the one cabinet). - Despite a few menacing clouds earlier in the morning, the rain held off and the sky cleared...right until brother and I were making a run to the storage unit to drop off the first load of crap. At that point the heavens opened completely, dumping an insane amount of rain on us for 5-10 minutes. Normally, that wouldn't be a big deal, except for the fact that we hadn't covered anything (because there were no rain clouds at the house!), so every box and piece of furniture we had packed was left completely soaked. Among the wreckage was the queen sized pillowtop mattress they paid $700 for just last year... - I got into a fender bender on the drive over Saturday morning, leaving my truck with a busted turn signal and an estimate of $2,500 to replace the bumper and fix the dent in the hood. Fucking people who don't use turn signals...

My team finished fourth in the co-ed lunchtime volleyball league run by the fitness center here. That's an improvement from our 6th place finish last year.

Or maybe do what teams like the Chargers have done in the past--in addition to ticket limits per person, require that all Internet ticket sales be dished out to "local" zip code billing addresses.

Because sfaJill has moved into the next phase of our her home renovation process--a phase that requires us to buy all new towels for our bathroom (in colors that are almost exactly the same as what we currently have)--we spent yesterday morning at JC Penney. They were having a Veterans' Sale and, between that sale and the coupons we'd saved, we could get these towels at just more than 50% off. Score. The highlight of the trip for me came later though, when we stopped in at Barnes & Noble to browse around for a bit. I was thumbing through some book about the Cowboys on the bargain table; sfaJill walked over, curious about what I was reading, when she noticed that on the table next to the Cowboys book was the Sports Illustrated "painted on" swimsuit book. No joking--she picked it up and spent the next 20 minutes dissecting each picture inside with such constructive remarks as "Oh, God how slutty is she?" and "Whore" and "Wow, look at that--another nipple!" I have no idea if she did it solely for my benefit or not (I suspect not--she's very much the jealous type), but it was fucking hilarious.

There are now FOUR sports stations in Houston and only one of them (1560 AM) is any good. Not coincidentally, it is the only one that is independently owned. The problem is that, while they have a 50,000 watt signal during daytime, their nighttime signal is only 100w which kills them off for anyone outside the 610 loop (hello!). I really don't know how this market can sustain four such stations. I mean, there are only so many ways you can discuss how much the Texans suck for not drafting Vince Young and how you might convince the Twins to accept Adam Everett, Luke Scott, and Chad Qualls for Johan Santana.

Anybody show up for work/school an hour early today? If you did, you're a retard... ----------------------------- I think the Patriots and Colts played a football game of some importance yesterday that apparently lived up to the hype. I can't be sure of this though as those of us in the Houston TV market were not allowed to see the game thanks to existence of the Houston Texans. Because of them, we were stuck with the scintillating Texans-Raiders contest which was, um, not as good as the Pats-Colts game. Fortunately, I did not have to suffer through that game because, on Thursday, my brother called and asked if I would come out to his place on Sunday and help him move some furniture. They are building a house and will be moving in (hopefully) shortly before Christmas and I had promised him about six weeks ago that I would help once their current house sold. Well, this past week, they accepted a cash offer for their current house. That's the good news. The bad news is that, in order for the deal to go through, they have to be completely moved out by the 12th of this month. So when sfaJill and I show up yesterday ready to go, what do we find? Chaos. Nothing in the house has been packed and clothes are strewn about all over the place; if you didn't know they had sold the place, you'd have no idea they were moving. We spent two hours just clearing drawers and shelves of stuff so we could move it all the storage place. Then, after we FINALLY get a load of furniture onto the trailer and make a run to the storage place, it is revealed that the unit they have rented is only 5' X 12' in size. Can you guess what happens next? Yep, we don't have enough room to fit the stuff we brought with us in there, much less the rest of the stuff still at the house. They're supposed to call about renting another (bigger) unit today and I've been asked to go back out there Saturday to complete Phase Two of this big move. Brother is on notice that if they haven't finished packing up all their crap enough to where all we have to do is load up boxes and the remaining into the trailer, I'm walking. We'll see what happens. Ah, family. Too bad you can't pick 'em. ----------------------------- Friday night, I was suffering from a fairly severe case of insomnia. Bored and desperate for something to watch, I chose RV, which was running on Encore. What a mistake. Somebody get Robin Williams back on coke, stat. The only redeeming thing about this movie is Kristin Chenoweth. Between this show and Pushing Daisies, I have developed quite the little crush on her. ----------------------------- Election Day tomorrow for us Texans. It's expected that no more than 15% of voters will turn out statewide. I'm sure the other 85% will bitch incessantly about whatever the result is though.

He hasn't mentioned it yet, but I'm sure it will come up this next weekend. If he asks, I'll probably say yes because that should give me enough "you owe me" credits to force him to come help us work on the next phase of sfaJill's home renovation plans.

As someone who was inconvenienced by the league switching the Dallas/NO game last year, I feel your pain. Flex scheduling is stupid and often fucks over the paying customer. Not that the league cares since they're all about the TV dollars, but come on. There are some people that travel from out of town to see these games and you often completely screw them over by changing the times like this.