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Guest Kinetic

Talkin' Liberal Mountain Town Blues

By Guest Kinetic, in No Holds Barred

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Guest Kinetic   

Guest Kinetic
Posted

All right, so, yeah, so, I've had a few drinks. I'm up, I'm typing, I'm good. I want to share. Since my roommate and her boyfriend are fucking, I figure I should share it with you. And, anyway, fuck that bitch. Seriously. Here's spme bullet points:

 

-So, like, my roommate's car broke down. It's dead. She's selling it. And I'm fucking CHARITABLE and GRACIOUS enough to allow her to use my car whenever she feels like it. Just whenever. Need to get to school? Use my car! Need to bring back some videos? Why, my car is right out in front of the apartment...and I think it's calling your name! Need to use it as a getaway vehicle after a bank robbery? Here, amputate my arms and use them to drive so your fingerprints aren't on the steering wheel. I'm just that kind of person. So I let her use the car the other day, safe in the knowledge that she would pick me up at 11 when I got off of work. So I wait and wait after work. Wait and wait and wait. She's 40 minutes late picking me up. 40 minutes, right? I say to her in the car, in a fairly calm tone, that I thought that it was really inconsiderate of her to be so late. And she...I don't even know how to describe it. She completely turns it around on me, as if I were the guilty party in the situation for daring to get angry with her for being so late picking me up in MY goddamn car. She starts going down this laundry list of things she's done for me, such as letting me live in her apartment, introducing me to her friends, encouraging me to get out and meet people, etc., as if any of this has anything to do with her being 40 minutes late to pick me up from work. But in the end she makes it seem like I was totally in the wrong because she's much smarter than I am. And so we're blood fucking enemies now. I've done everything to appease her since I got to Asheville because, yeah, she has done a lot for me. But I refuse to become her fucking lapdog on account of any of that. And, so, we watch this porn documentary with a bunch of friends tonight and I make the innocent comment that I preferred the subject of the film when she wasn't so feminist and sensitive in her attitude towards porn. And she says, and this is paraphrasing, "Gee, Danny, that's so reactionary. I wouldn't expect that to come out of you," in this sarcastic tone, because she's constantly accusing me of being this reactionary asshole when it comes to things like feminism and so on. And, really, the comment was made in jest. I say whatever to be funny...I can't help myself. And then I make this sort of snide comment to her boyfriend about her calling my comment reactionary and she tells me that she HATES me and says FUCK THIS and FUCK YOU. I mean, golly. But whatever. I can't deal with being her lapdog and just mindlessly agreeing with her all of the time, which is evidently her idea of a friendship. I don't expect anyone else to really understand this, but...you know, I sorta had to get it off my chest. Fucking bitch.

 

-I just choked and sprayed beer out of my nose. Gurrrrrgle.

 

-This new White Stripes album sounds all right...like more of a continuation from De Stijl with White Blood Cells being this sort of anomaly in between them. I'm only on listen #2 1/2, though, so my opinion is still sorta sketchy and unformed.

 

-My birthday was the other day. Thanks for the thread, guys! I'm not gonna dwell on my contributions to this board or anything, nor am I going to pretend to not understand why no one would have started a thread, but COME ON! Fucking RVDJerichorules316 gets a goddamn birthday thread and I don't? Not right. Not right.

 

-I like smoking.

 

-Right, so, there's this girl here in town who looks JUST LIKE Sinead O'Conner. Short hair and everything. And I'm sorta in with this girl in a way and I'm really desperate to have her do a striptease while singing "Nothing Compares 2 U" to me, but at the same time I'm kinda tentative about asking her to do so. Should I go through with it, even as a joke? Because, being bald, I'm sure she gets the Sinead O'Conner bullshit all of the time, right? So me saying it makes me immediately less desirable as a sex partner right off the bat. But, at the same time, I really want her to do it. So what should I do? I'm reaching out. Help me.

 

-Fuck all y'all.

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Guest TheGame2705   

Guest TheGame2705
Posted

I'd have gone to the driver side and pushed the bitch into the passenger side and told her she couldn't use my car anymore. Use Kawada kicks and use them frequently to let her know who is boss.

 

And I'm sorta in with this girl in a way and I'm really desperate to have her do a striptease while singing "Nothing Compares 2 U" to me
Too late to be laughing this hard

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Guest Incandenza   

Guest Incandenza
Posted

Next time you find yourself in an intimate postion with this girl, put on "Nothing Compares 2 U." Don't say anything, just wait until you see what her reaction is.

 

Lately, I've found myself not being able to function without being slightly drunk. Rather than do something about it, I'm going to let my increasing alcoholicism grow, and the wear it as a fashion statement.

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Guest evenflowDDT   

Guest evenflowDDT
Posted

Hey, I didn't know it was your birthday a few days ago Kinetic. Happy belated birthday, I guess. I don't check that stuff at the bottom, which I'm guessing is what people do when they start threads. And it really sucks that your roommate hates you now, but on the bright side, at least she hasn't hated you to the point of thrusting that roof out from over your head.

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Guest MrRant   

Guest MrRant
Posted

I think it's time to kill the bitch and if anyone asks say the last time you saw her she was going out with her boyfriend.

 

Boyfriends are always the killers. When was the last time you saw something on Forensic Files about a room-mate cutting up his other room-mate for being an ungodly bitch? Never.

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Guest ShooterJay   

Guest ShooterJay
Posted

Was this the same chick who dumped you when one of you went to Europe or something, and flat-out told you the guy she was cheating on you with was a better lover and had a bigger dick?

 

If so, why in the fuck would you subject yourself to this indignity every single goddamn day?

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Guest evenflowDDT   

Guest evenflowDDT
Posted
I think it's time to kill the bitch and if anyone asks say the last time you saw her she was going out with her boyfriend.

 

Boyfriends are always the killers. When was the last time you saw something on Forensic Files about a room-mate cutting up his other room-mate for being an ungodly bitch? Never.

They will NOW that you've mentioned it! :angry:

 

Some things are meant for PM's... though that is a good idea. Just remember to PM next time, so they won't suspect.

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EL BRUJ0    0

EL BRUJ0
Posted
Good thread.

Yeah, like you would know.

 

Don't tell me this is what I can't make the cut for

Possibly. That and penis size.

 

We's working with monsters, people.

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Giuseppe Zangara    0

Giuseppe Zangara
Posted

My harsh star rating was more for the WDI-esque banter you guys were engaging in post-bump. Still, I made a fairly lousy post four years ago.

 

Do you suppose Czech keeps a list of all the crappy jerk board members, going slowly over each name, chewing on it bitterly, wondering what any given person has over him?

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godthedog    0

godthedog
Posted

i don't know why, but reading this made me miss living in the south.

 

EDIT: kinetic's post, i mean. not the banter that followed.

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