Pro Wrestling Hogan:The Revival

madmatt2002 · August 13, 2003

Mr. Warrior buys XPW.

In a Surprising Move, Mr. Warrior bought Xtreme fed XPW which has been having difficulties for months paying their workers. An Invasion may happen in the coming months but right now XPW will get the Old Power and Paint Time Slot. Mr. Warrior had two choices for feds to buy. ROH or XPW. Most wisely he bought XPW. The deal was finalized On New Year's Day and it will be made official on the first edition of Tussels with Tassels. Two brands. XPW and DDW. Mr. Warrior will be bring in some new talent to spice up his end of the program as well.

The rosters for the Brand Extension will be released soon. More details as well have them.

Source: HulkHogancanbeatupChrisBenoit.com

Zack Malibu · August 13, 2003

Oh no.

YOU'RE MOVING IN ON MY TURF, MATTHEW!

madmatt2002 · August 13, 2003

Tussels with Tassels 1/3/04:

Mr. Warrior is filing some papers and in walks Lizzy Borden. Mr. Warrior takes a drink of coffee to do a spit take. Mr. Warrior asks her what the hell she is doing here. She wasn't part of the XPW Deal. She says that someone in the Warrior's adminstration signed her to a contract. (There is a mole in Warrior's corporation). Mr. Warrior says that the person will pay for sleeping with that whore. In comes Sable just in case this segment couldn't get any more stupid. Sable says that she is Lizzy Borden's Head of Operations. Key word is:HEAD. Mr. Warrior says that XPW isn't getting crap from him. He just signed their talent to bury them. Well at least he is honest about it. Mr. Warrior says as long as Lizzy Borden is here and believe him that as soon as he will get a chance to fire her, he will. He has a few ground rules. Althrough he hasn't had one reason to keep her on. Lizzy says she will give him two but Mr. Warrior cuts her off. No flashing. No sleeping with other wrestlers. No blowjobs. No...Lizzy cuts him off and says that if she had her own show she wouldn't have to conform to Mr. Warrior's standards. Mr. Warrior says that she will NEVER get her own show for the XPW rejects as long as he is living and breathhing. Lizzy Borden brings out a little, incentive. In walks Haku's hair, followed closely by Haku. Mr. Warrior says all right, they will talk.

Overall:53

YO GODIA DAWN. YO GODIA DAWN. What in the hell? AHMED'S BACK. Ahmed Johnson cuts a rambling promo. Good to see Ahmed Johnson back to where he belongs.

Overall:37

A video of a man flipping his fingers through his hair. His hair is the focus of the promo. The promo ends with:"NASH IS COMING."

48

Zach Gowan vs Honky Tonk Man.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Weak-ass knife-edge chop from HTM in the corner. Sting would have NO problem no-selling that. Kick from HTM, showing off an amazing arsenal. I sure hope there's more to it than that. Zach Gowan walks into a chop and BUMPS OFF IT. I love that. Hooks the leg for a two count. Honky Tonk Man with a sloppy back bodydrop on Gowan. We almost had another Benoit/Sabu situation there. Hooks the leg for a two count. Zach Gowan fights out of a grapple. Zach Gowan strikes HTM. There's a two count on the pin. Zach Gowan uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Zach Gowan gets taken down out of nowhere! Face-first suplex from HTM. Honky Tonk Man moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Shake, Rattle and Roll. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:67

Match Quality:50

I have nothing to add other than, Gowan is now a pirate. His peg leg almost got stuck up HTM's ass twice.

Midnight Express vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers.

Match Background: Midnight Express are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. This match is for the Red and Yellow Tag titles. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have been Red and Yellow Tag champions since 31 December 2003.

The Match: Sweet Stan takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Barry Horowitz DDTs Sweet Stan in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Stan Lane's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Horowitz tags out to Maxx Payne. 2 Bad Mothertruckers whip Sweet Stan into the corner. Maxx Payne whips Barry Horowitz in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Payne slams Stan Lane down. Sweet Stan is sure in trouble now. Hooks the leg for a two count. Uninspired brawling from Maxx Payne. Maxx Payne gets taken down out of nowhere! Stan Lane turns Payne inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Tag to Bobby Eaton. Payne tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Bobby Eaton scores with a face jam on Maxx Payne. Payne ducks a wild right hand. Payne tags out to Barry Horowitz. Barry Horowitz hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Horowitz DDTs Bobby Eaton. Pin, but Eaton is out just before the three count. Barry Horowitz DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Eaton. Barry Horowitz gets taken down out of nowhere! Bobby Eaton hits a shaky delayed suplex on Horowitz. Davey Boy Smith is looking down from heaven...and shaking his head in disapproval. As Sweet Stan and Horowitz get into a brawl on the outside, Josh Prohibition comes running down into the ring! JP has a chair, and drops Eaton and Horowitz with devastating blows, causing the referee to call for the bell. This match has been ruled a no contest!

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

Overall:48

Crowd Reaction:46

Match Quality:49

The invasion begins as Josh Phohibition runs out to ruin this match. THE INVASION IS HERE. No turning back. This will suck worse then the WWE or your money back(this is free so I have no regrets making that offer). This is the first time the 2 Bad Mothertruckers didn't win but they are still undefeated. When can you use Barry Horowitz and undefeated in the same sentence.

Mr. Warrior and Lizzy Borden are going over details. Mr. Warrior will give Borden the old Power and Paint time slot and Zach Gowan if she does him a favor. You can imagine how Lizzy interprets this but Warrior says that the favor is Lizzy can have several XPW stars beat the shit out of Lex Luger. Lizzy Borden says she can do that and she is off.

50

Brian Knobbs vs Marty Jannetty.

Match Background: Brian Knobbs is the reigning Hardcore champion, and has been since 12 November 2003.

The Match: Brian Knobbs connects with some weak punches on Marty Jannetty. Brian Knobbs hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Marty Jannetty is able to block them and return the favor in spades. Punch by Knobbs, missing Jannetty COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatJannetty didn't sell it. Boring brawling from Brian Knobbs is the cure for insomnia. Jannetty counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Brian Knobbs takes a knee lift from Jannetty. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. Marty Jannetty hits a shitty missile dropkick on Knobbs. Covers for a quick two count. Marty Jannetty misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Brian Knobbs DDTs Jannetty in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Marty Jannetty's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy discus punch from Brian Knobbs barely connects on Jannetty. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Jannetty reverses a Brian Knobbs hammerlock. Knobbs takes a kick to the chest, and staggers back. A blind charge only gets an even HARDER kick. Brian Knobbs powers out of a Marty Jannetty headlock. Big forearm by Knobbs draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Justice Pain just slid into the ring out of nowhere! Brian Knobbs gets grabbed, and they start brawling. Jannetty takes some shots at Knobbs as well. The referee, seeing the chaos, calls for a no contest ruling. Justice Pain has grabbed a chair. Knobbs walks over...and gets floored with a hard shot. Jannetty also takes a hard shot. Pain has laid everybody out!

My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:58

Match Quality:55

Justice Pain ruins the fourth match between Jannetty and Knobbs. The second wave of the Invasion has began.

Doink The Clown vs Rick Steiner.

Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Rick Steiner has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 20 September 2003.

The Match: Rick Steiner connects with some weak punches on Doink The Clown. Doink counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Double arm suplex by Doink The Clown connects as Steiner hits hard. Doink whips Steiner into the turnbuckles...and the ref is crushed! Northern Lights Bomb very nearly crushes the spine of Steiner! Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Doink charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Steiner on Doink. Rick Steiner hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Side suplex from Steiner. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Doink powers out of a headlock. Tiger bomb by Doink The Clown, which is nowhere near as cool as a botched Pedigree but gets the job done. Pin, but Steiner is out just before the three count. Rick Steiner elbows Doink The Clown in the face to break a hammerlock. Pogo The Clown runs down the aisle and into the ring, carrying a chair! Steiner turns...and gets floored with a chair to the head! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell! Disqualification! Doink The Clown gives a murderous look toward Pogo The Clown...and attacks! Pogo gets dropped to the canvas, then battered with a barrage of rights and lefts. Doink picks him up...and launches him over the top rope to the outside. A small measure of revenge has been taken.

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:42

Match Quality:58

Pogo the Clown attempted to have a clown type alliance with Doink the Clown but he didn't bite. The black man rule also applies for clowns. If there are two clowns in a federation they must either team up or feud.

Lex Luger walks past the Hardcore Homo Angel, Scott Snot, and Supreme. A montly crew to have beat up Lex Luger if their ever was one. Luger makes a smart ass comment about XPW and the three jobbers beat the shit out of Lex Luger. Really, they kicked Lex Luger so hard he crapped his pants.

49

Hacksaw Bradshaw vs Nikita Koloff.

Match Background: This match is for the United States title. Hacksaw Bradshaw has been United States champion since 03 December 2003.

The Match: Uninspiring brawling from Hacksaw Bradshaw. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Bradshaw charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Some pretty weak shots by Koloff. Koloff whips Bradshaw into the turnbuckles...and the ref is crushed! Nikita Koloff connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Hacksaw Bradshaw is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Big forearm by Bradshaw draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hacksaw Bradshaw hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hacksaw Bradshaw connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Pin, but Koloff is out just before the three count. Koloff blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Powerslam from Nikita Koloff on Bradshaw. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Bradshaw powers out of a headlock. Alex Wright runs down the aisle and into the ring, carrying a chair! Bradshaw turns...and gets floored with a chair to the head! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell! Disqualification! Alex Wright obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Hacksaw Bradshaw stands up. Alex Wright stuns Bradshaw. Alex Wright quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Flying Press! Alex Wright eventually leaves, having caused enough damage.

My Opinion: You barely escaped a DUD rating. 1/4*.

Overall:56

Crowd Reaction:67

Match Quality:55

Alex Wright makes his debut to beat up Hacksaw Bradshaw. Proving that the Invasion will not take over the whole fed(not yet anyway). So we had the Communist last month. This month will be a Nazi. Maybe next month we can have a Native American feud with Hacksaw. Providing he gets past Alex Wright.

Vader is supposed to face Lex Luger but Lex Luger has been taken down by the XPW Jobbers earlier. Vic Grimes comes out and gets in the face of Vader. Before anything can happen we are out of time. See you next week on Tussels with Tassels.

Overall:59

50

0.37 Rating for Tussels with Tassels.

Lightning Flik · August 13, 2003

LMAO

Man, I love the Warrior and Lizzy segments. Those were great.

madmatt2002 · August 14, 2003

XPW Climax for 1/7/04:

Do not adjust your screens. This is XPW. We drugged the TNT executives so we can air this. Out comes Lizzy Borden with the XPW World Title Belt. She goes on how the XPW World Title will be decided in the only dipolmatic way, whomever gives her the best orgaism gets the title shot. So she had a 5 minute orgaism challenge at her hotel room last night and whomever gave her the best one gets the Title. She said she crowned a champion and out comes Joey Abs. Joey Abs is the lucky winner of the XPW World Title. Joey Abs is presented the belt and that is that. The other titles will be decided in matches because Lizzy doesn't give a flying fuck about anything except to XPW World Title.

Overall:35

Hardcore Homo Angel vs Pogo The Clown vs Axl Rotten.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title.

The Match: Angel hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Axl Rotten takes a right hand to the temple from Pogo. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Pogo charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Hardcore Homo Angel slams Pogo onto a trash can lid. Axl Rotten DDTs Angel in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Hardcore Homo Angel's head didn't touch the mat at all. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Pogo The Clown with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Axl. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Axl ducks a wild right hand. Angel \ Axl whip Pogo into the corner. Hardcore Homo Angel whips Axl Rotten in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Angel DDTs Pogo The Clown. Axl Rotten smashes a Playstation console over the head of Angel. Should have used an X-Box, they're much bigger. Axl drops an elbow...but Hardcore Homo Angel moves out of the way. Hardcore Homo Angel strikes Pogo The Clown with a hard blow. Pogo The Clown is in trouble. Circumsizer!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:60

The Hardcore Homo is the first XPW King of the Death Match Champion in this half assed invasion. Line of the match:Hardcore Homo Angel strikes Pogo the Clown with a hard blow. Axl Rotten is the first defector by the way from DDW to XPW.

Youthanazia vs Erotica.

Match Background: Chetti is making his debut at this show. Doring is making his debut at this show. He also works for RoH and NWAW. This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles.

The Match: Cross hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Cross hits a dropkick on Danny Doring and gets right back up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Cross tags out to Josh Prohibition. Youthanazia whip Doring into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Danny Doring powers out of a Josh Prohibition headlock. JP takes a quick lariat. There's a two count on the pin. Doring tags out to Chris Chetti. JP takes a NICE hurrancarana from Chris Chetti. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Implant DDT by Chris Chetti! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Chetti walks into a drop toe hold. Hard back suplex on Chetti. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. JP tags out to Matt Cross. Standing leg lariat by Matt Cross on Chetti. Tag to Danny Doring. Implant DDT by Matt Cross! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Danny Doring gets knocked to the ground by Cross, who is already climbing the turnbuckle. Off the top - Leap of Faith, forget about it. 1....2...3!

My Opinion: Well, hello there *1/4 rating, how are you?

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:40

Match Quality:74

What the heck is wrong with these people? Don't they know that are making the DDW Superstars look bad doing these 1/4* and * 1/4 matches. The Invasion may be dead in the water after one week.

Lizzy Borden is backstage putting her pants back on when Pete Gas(???) comes into the office. Pete Gas is a little disapointed with his partner Joey Abs. Lizzy says Pete shouldn't be. He came, he saw, he fucked, and he got the title. That is not the Posse way, says Pete. They are to make friends with the bosses son. Well Lizzy says Pete can either search for one of her 200 thousand illegitamate offsprings or she can get down on her knees and...Pete cuts her off. He wants a title shot to beat some sense into his former friend. Lizzy says she doesn't have a bed in here but her desk would work just as fine. Pete then says he would fuck Borden if she was the last woman on earth. Lizzy gets all outraged and books Pete Gas to face his friend Joey Abs for the Title tonight.

42

Joey Abs vs Pete Gas.

Match Background: Abs is making his debut at this show. Gas is making his debut at this show. He is a regular with ECWA. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: A weak headbutt on Gas by Abs causes nothing but pain for both. Running clothesline from Joey Abs was actually MIGHTY sloppy. There's a two count on the pin. Abs walks into a drop toe hold. Big forearm by Gas draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Pete Gas connects with some weak punches on Joey Abs. Pete Gas hits a BIG clothesline for two! Joey Abs once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Joey Abs DDTs Gas, but it just looked terrible. Pete Gas hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Abs scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Pete Gas got screwed out of the victory!

My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**.

Overall:33

Crowd Reaction:31

Match Quality:36

So I got members of the Mean Street Posse going at it over the XPW Title and a homesexual man is King of the Death Match Champion. The fun has just begun. Let's see how much I can tank this baby. Good thing is the Posse kept up the standard that is expected in this fed.

Overall:29

0.80 Rating for Climax.

Zack Malibu · August 14, 2003

YAY for the Posse.

BOO for using "Climax" when that was going to be my Dec. PPV name.

::shakes fist::

Rendclaw · August 14, 2003

this is hysterical. I have to literally cut away from the thread and come back to it.

this is like a horrible car wreck, or like Jason Kendall or that tryout guy from SlamBall dislocating their ankle so bad the foot is hanging out by a piece of skin.

you just can't turn away from it for long.

madmatt2002 · August 14, 2003

Tussels with Tassels for 1/10/04.

Mr. Warrior comes out. He is depressed. There is a PPV is 8 days but he hasn't bothered to book anything yet. This XPW thing has got on his mind. SOMEONE in his corporation is a spy. He is going to get to the bottom of this. Mr. Warrior said he has hired a private investigator. In comes INSPECTOR SCOTT STEINER~~~~! complete with dorky hat, trench coat, and smoking a pipe. He says that he will get to the bottom of this. He worked on the Triple H is being stalked case before and he will work on who is the spy in Mr. Warrior's corporation. The first suspect:Jack Victory, the coffee boy.

59

Jack Victory vs Inspector Scott Steiner.

Match Background: Steiner is making his debut at this show.

The Match: Jack Victory takes a right hand to the temple from Steiner. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Steiner slams Jack Victory down. Victory is sure in trouble now. Covers for a quick two count. Steiner walks into a drop toe hold. Victory slams Inspector Scott Steiner down. Steiner is sure in trouble now. Steiner hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Weak bodyslam on Steiner by Victory sets up a legdrop. Steiner reverses a Jack Victory hammerlock. Powerslam from Inspector Scott Steiner on Victory. Jack Victory can barely stand. Here it comes - Baffling Move. 1....2...3, it's finished. Inspector Scott Steiner slides to the outside and grabs a chair, then climbs back into the ring. Victory turns around...and gets planted with a huge chair shot to the head! He is left down and out on the canvas.

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:54

Crowd Reaction:50

Inspector Scott Steiner says that it isn't Jack Victory because their isn't any unusual warts or rashes on him. That is the price for sleeping with Lizzy Borden who is like a cake. Everyone gets a piece.

Brian Knobbs vs Hack Meyers.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. Shah is making his debut at this show. This match is for the Hardcore title. Brian Knobbs has been Hardcore champion since 12 November 2003.

The Match: Brian Knobbs hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Brian Knobbs drives a table into Shah. Sloppy discus punch from Brian Knobbs barely connects on Shah. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Brian Knobbs punches away at Hack Meyers. There's a two count on the pin. Hack Meyers avoids a Brian Knobbs avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Brian Knobbs takes a right hand to the temple from Shah. Hack Meyers hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Brian Knobbs reverses a hip toss. Brian Knobbs DDTs Shah in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Hack Meyers's head didn't touch the mat at all. Brian Knobbs moves in for the kill. Powerslam!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:43

Crowd Reaction:51

Match Quality:43

Brian Knobbs with another sucessful title defense. He has been the Hardcore Champion for a FULL two MONTHS. That is pretty long for wrestling standars. No apperence of the Other Rocker.

Lex Luger is out. He wants answers and HE WANTS THEM NOW. He wants a title shot. Out comes Mr. Warrior. He says that Lex had to look at the fine print of the contract for Rockin' New Year Warrior. It had a NO rematch clause. Luger is pissed but what can he do about it. Luger also asks why Mr. Warrior had Lizzy Borden stick her stable of jobbers on him last week. Mr. Warrior says that Luger has no right to question his greatness. Lex Luger floors Mr. Warrior with a clothesline. Lex Luger now kicks and punches Mr. Warrior. Running Forearm Smash of DOOM. Luger rolls to the outside and grabs a steel chair. He smashes it over the back of the Warrior multiple times. Out come the police and Luger decks a cop with a chair. That will cost him. Lex Luger gets handcuffed and led off. Not like it hasn't happened before but still. Warrior is spitting up blood and he most likely won't be able to run the show for the rest of the night.

58

Ahmed Johnson vs Bobby Eaton.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Ahmed Johnson connects with some weak punches on Bobby Eaton. Ahmed Johnson hits a BIG clothesline for two! There's a two count on the pin. Bobby Eaton fights out of a grapple. Ahmed takes a vertical suplex from Bobby Eaton. Ahmed receives a spinning neckbreaker from Eaton. Ahmed Johnson walks into a chop to the pecs. Ouchy. Ahmed reverses a waistlock. Messed up bodyslam by Ahmed almost kills Eaton. Ahmed Johnson moves in for the kill. Pearl River Plunge!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:36

Crowd Reaction:36

MAtch Quality:44

Nice to see Ahmed back in form nearly murdering Bobby Eaton with a bodyslam. Ahmed is back and you better watch out. YA GOBIN DAWN.

XPW is backstage. Sure they snuck in the minute Mr. Warrior had to leave for medical attention. They walk up to Vader. They want to offer him a spot in the fed. Vader spits at Lizzy and Vader gets beat up by the XPW Jobbers. There goes Vader's cred. Vader is out. Mr. Warrior is gone. Lex Luger is in the some jail cell. Vader is out. XPW is slowly taking over the show.

62

Ron Simmons vs Marty Jannetty.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Jannetty hits a short arm drag on Simmons. Badly executed second rope splash by Jannetty. Hooks the leg for a two count. Marty Jannetty misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Jannetty receives some punishment by Ron Simmons but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Jannetty takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Big clothesline from Simmons. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Powerslam from Ron Simmons on Jannetty. Ron Simmons gets taken down out of nowhere! Marty Jannetty uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Badly executed second rope splash by Jannetty. Ron Simmons avoids a Marty Jannetty avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Rodney Mack comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Marty Jannetty turns around. Rodney Mack drops Jannetty to the canvas. Rodney Mack quickly locks on the Blackout! Mack leaves the ring, the damage done! ONE...TWO...THREE. Simmons defeats Jannetty. Marty Jannetty goes on the rampage, firing off stiff shots to both Ron Simmons and Rodney Mack, who take the hint and swiftly leave the ring for their own safety.

My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it.

Overall:56

Crowd Reaction:64

Match Quality:61

Marty Jannetty fights off both of Theodore Long's men. Marty is the next white boy targetted by the looks of it, Playa. Ron Simmons is undefeated still. No mention of Knobbs vs Jannetty. I think that is now a dropped storyline.

Bradshaw and Alex Wright are lying backstage with members of the invading XPW group standing above them. Apperently Hacksaw Bradshaw was going to drag Alex Wright to the shower to break him in and Lizzy wanted a piece of the action but Bradshaw refused. So they got beat up. Lizzy is going to take over the show now. Ricky Morton vs Alex Wright?? Not any more. Try Hardcore Homo Angel vs Ricky Morton for the XPW King of the Death Match tItle. Hacksaw Bradshaw vs Gangrel. Not any more Try Matt Cross vs Gangrel. Vader vs Rick Steiner. Not any more. Try Rick Steiner defending the 10 Minute Time Limit Title against Supreme. XPW World Champion Joey Abs and Lizzy Borden take over commentary duties.

53

Hardcore Homo Angel vs Ricky Morton.

Match Background: This will be a falls count anywhere bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Angel strikes away at Ricky Morton, not doing much damage at all. Angel chair shots Ricky Morton. Hardcore Homo Angel hits Morton. Covers for a quick two count. Weak bodyslam on Morton by Angel sets up a legdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Angel walks into a drop toe hold. A kick from Morton is delivered to the leg. There's a two count on the pin. Flying elbow off the top rope by Ricky Morton, getting as close to zero air as possible. Angel ducks a wild right hand. Hardcore Homo Angel blasts Morton with a superkick. Supreme comes running down the aisle and onto the apron! Morton turns...and is dropped throat-first onto the top rope by Supreme! Supreme has left Morton in big trouble. Hardcore Homo Angel moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Circumsizer. 1....2...3, it's finished. Angel and Supreme beat away on Ricky Morton, leaving him spread-eagled on the canvas.

My Opinion: *1\2 rating is all it gets from me.

Overall:55

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:74

Angel retains the title with help of his running buddy, Supreme. XPW:1. DDW:0.

Gangrel vs Matt Cross.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Gangrel takes a NICE hurrancarana from Matt Cross. Tor-NADO DDT from Matt Cross, Gangrel got planted! Back heel kick off the second rope, Gangrel goes down. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Hard back suplex on Gangrel. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Hooks the leg for a two count. Gangrel backdrops Matt Cross out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Gangrel. Gangrel hits a right hand on Matt Cross. Gangrel hits a piledriver on Matt Cross. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Gangrel misses a clothesline. Flying cross body off the top rope! Josh Prohibition comes running down the aisle and onto the apron! Gangrel turns...and is dropped throat-first onto the top rope by JP! Josh Prohibition has left Gangrel in big trouble. Matt Cross has Gangrel down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Leap of Faith!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. Cross and JP tie Gangrel up in the ropes, then start punching away at him until referees run down and break it up.

My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:37

Match Quality:65

The XPW Tag Team Champions beat the hell out of Gangrel in the first match which may or may not have been better than the scheduled Gangrel vs Hacksaw Bradshaw. XPW:2 DDW:0.

Rick Steiner vs Supreme.

Match Background: Supreme is making his debut at this show. This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Rick Steiner has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 20 September 2003.

The Match: Supreme DDTs Steiner, but it just looked terrible. Supreme DDTs Rick Steiner. Supreme DDTs Rick Steiner. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Running clothesline from Supreme was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Hooks the leg for a two count. Steiner backdrops Supreme out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Rick Steiner. Rick Steiner hits a BIG clothesline for two! BIG clothesline from Steiner. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Rick Steiner gets taken down out of nowhere! Supreme hits a piledriver on Rick Steiner. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Hardcore Homo Angel comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Rick Steiner turns around. Hardcore Homo Angel spins Steiner around. Hardcore Homo Angel hits the Circumsizer! Angel leaves the ring, the damage done! ONE...TWO...THREE. Supreme defeats Steiner. Supreme and Angel are putting the boots to Rick Steiner! Inspector Scott Steiner comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending Supreme \ Angel running for cover. Inspector Scott Steiner saved Steiner from a major beating.

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:48

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:52

Supreme wins the 10 Minute Time Limit Title. The title belt has defected to XPW. With a little help from his running buddy, The Hardcore Homo Angel. Inspector Scott Steiner saves his brother from a beating. What will happen on Climax? Will DDW wrestlers invade XPW's turf? I don't know because I can't find my napkin again.

Overall:50

0.38 Rating for Tussels with Tassels.

Lightning Flik · August 14, 2003

:lol: OMG~!

What's going to happen next? I WANNA KNOW NOW DAMMIT~!

Damn that was just hilarious. :lol:

madmatt2002 · August 14, 2003

Climax for 1/14/04:

Youthanazia vs Hardcore Homo Angel and Supreme.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Youthanazia have been XPW Tag Team champions since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Supreme strikes Josh Prohibition. Supreme strikes Josh Prohibition with a hard blow. Covers for a quick two count. Tag between Supreme and Hardcore Homo Angel. Supreme \ Angel whip JP into the corner. Supreme whips Hardcore Homo Angel in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Angel slams Josh Prohibition down. JP is sure in trouble now. JP backdrops Hardcore Homo Angel out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Josh Prohibition. Flying cross body off the top rope! Hooks the leg for a two count. JP tags out to Matt Cross. Angel takes a NICE hurrancarana from Matt Cross. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Hardcore Homo Angel reverses a hip toss. Running clothesline from Hardcore Homo Angel was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Tag to Supreme. Cross hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Tag to Josh Prohibition. Weak bodyslam on JP by Supreme sets up a legdrop. Supreme floors Josh Prohibition...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: *1/4 rating. Don't be upset. There are people in third world countries who can barely afford one star, let alone one and a quarter.

Overall:58

Crowd Reaction:44

Match Quality:73

The Running Buddies have won the XPW Tag Team Titles. Supreme strikes double gold. That is just Supremely Supreme. Of yeah and so does The Hardcore Homo. He is both the XPW King of the Death Match and Tag Team Champions.

Lizzy Borden is talking to 8 of the 10 wrestlers in the Over the Top Battle Royal. She DEMANDS that all the wrestler's jump over the top rope so she can win the XPW TV Title or she will have a midget rape them. Lizzy Borden is the 9th entrant. Bookers putting belts on themselves. How revolutionary? Lizzy also said that The Blue Meanie is going to be the 10th man in. But we cut to another section backstage and the Blue Meanie is tied up with a banana in his mouth. Did Lizzy forget to untie him after filiming some porn or something.

39

Joey Abs and Pete Gas are signing the contract for the Streetfight at 5 MPH. Joey Abs cheapshots Pete and breaks a bottle of viagra over his head. Joey tells him maybe that will help him get layed. Joey Abs now thrusts his crotch at the camera.

Overall:35

10 Man Battle Royal.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW Television title.

The Match: Axl gets splashed in the corner. Axl Rotten got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Pogo. (Elimination # 1) Forearm to the face from Gowan on Steiner. Gowan hits an arm drag on Steiner, follows it up with about 3 more and locks in an armbar for good measure. Zach Gowan arm drags Doring over and locks on an armbar. Gowan hits a short arm drag on Doring. Zach Gowan arm drags Doring over and locks on an armbar. Gowan went for the elimination, but Danny Doring held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Vic Grimes connects with rights and lefts and Justice Pain is down! Justice Pain got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Grimes. (Elimination # 2) Throat chop by Borden does nothing but remind me of the Samoan Wrestling Family Tree. Borden threw Rick Steiner over the top rope, but Rick Steiner skinned the cat to save himself! Danny Doring snap suplexes Chetti. Chris Chetti got eliminated by Doring. (Elimination # 3) Zach Gowan strikes Grimes. Vic Grimes got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Gowan. (Elimination # 4) Borden hits a quick kick on Steiner, only for Steiner to pop back up and eat another one. Chop from Borden on Steiner in the corner sends Steiner reeling out. Flying elbow from Zach Gowan, grazing the target slightly. Gowan went for the elimination, but Pogo The Clown held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Forearm to the face from Gowan on JT. Gowan threw JT Smith over the top rope, but JT Smith skinned the cat to save himself! Pogo The Clown strikes Rick Steiner. Pogo tried to eliminate Rick Steiner, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Pogo takes a chop from Gowan. Gowan face jams Pogo The Clown. Zach Gowan arm drags Doring over and locks on an armbar. Gowan threw Danny Doring all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one. (Elimination # 5) Gowan snapmares Rick Steiner and goes for the DREADED chinlock. Zach Gowan blasts Steiner with a superkick. Weak slam from Steiner sets Gowan for something, but if it was as weak as that slam, then Gowan has no worries. Zach Gowan got bundled out by Steiner. (Elimination # 6) Uninspiring brawling from Rick Steiner. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Pogo The Clown got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Steiner. (Elimination # 7) Borden hits an arm drag on Steiner, followed by about 3 BILLION more. Borden tried to eliminate Rick Steiner, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! JT takes a snap suplex from Lizzy Borden. Needs a little more 'umph' though. JT Smith got bundled out by Borden. (Elimination # 8) BIG clothesline from Borden. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Lizzy Borden with an enziguri. That reminds me...R.I.P, Owen Hart. Steiner counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Lizzy Borden got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Steiner.

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:56

Crowd Reaction:51

Match Quality:53

Rick Steiner has beat up the Blue Meanie and took his place in the battle royal. He throws Lizzy over the top rope to win the XPW Television Title. A bit of revenge for Lizzy screwing him(heh heh) out of the 10 Minute Time Limit Title on Tussels with TAssles. Now an XPW falls in the possession of DDW.

Lizzy is NOT too happy. In fact she makes a title for title match between Supreme and Rick Steiner at 5 MPH. Whomever wins gets both belts. One belt will come back to it's proper home.

32

Overall:28

0.85 Rating for Climax.

madmatt2002 · August 16, 2003

Tussels with Tassels for 1/17/04.

Mr. Warrior is out wearing a very spiffy three piece suit. He mentions that he will face Lex Luger at the PPV. If Lex Luger manages to beat Mr. Warrior, he will get a World Title Shot. XPW and DDW, his choice. Also Mr. Warrior says that Vic Grimes of XPW will get the DDW World Title shot against Vader. Mr. Warrior says that Vader will be on his shit list if he loses. And some other matches that will be stuck together with chewing gum.

48

Ahmed Johnson vs Stan Lane.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Ahmed Johnson connects with some weak punches on Stan Lane. BORING ass brawling from Ahmed. Uninspiring brawling from Ahmed Johnson. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Covers for a quick two count. Punch by Ahmed, missing Sweet Stan COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatSweet Stan didn't sell it. There's a two count on the pin. Ahmed drops an elbow...but Stan Lane moves out of the way. Ahmed hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! There's a two count on the pin. Weak bodyslam by Sweet Stan. Ahmed counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Ahmed Johnson scores with a shitty standing spinebuster. Stan Lane can barely stand. Pearl River Plunge!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:44

Crowd Reaction:47

Match Quality:39

Ahmed rules all. His negative star streak continues. He beat both Midnight Express members who might as well be the Jobbing Express.

Supreme vs Ricky Morton.

Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004.

The Match: Supreme hits Morton. Morton gets splashed in the corner. There's a two count on the pin. Morton pushes out of a Supreme hold. Ricky Morton arm drags Supreme over and locks on an armbar. Supreme hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Flying elbow from Ricky Morton, grazing the target slightly. Morton walks into a drop toe hold. Powerslam from Supreme on Morton. Supreme floors Ricky Morton...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker.

Overall:58

Crowd Reaction:53

Match Quality:64

This match actually has a reason. Supreme cost Morton a match against the Hardcore Homo Angel last week for the Deathmatch TItle. Yes a pretty weak one but that is one more reason then most of the other matches. This invasion is being led by Supreme, the Hardcore Homo, Lizzy Bordenand Joey Abs of the Mean Street Posse. Make of that as you will.

Lex Luger says he will beat Warrior at the PPV. He also says that he will get revenge on Scott Snot lying him out two weeks ago. This is getting weird. We are rembering things that have been happening on past shows.

66

Mr. Warrior has called Ahmed Johnson into his office. He wants Ahmed to do him a favor. He wants him to beat up that Flamming Faggot, Angel at the PPV and win the King of the Death Match title. Ahmed says that Angel "ICA$^@^#FFAHA" at the PPV. Well that was nice.

54

Blue Meanie vs Rick Steiner.

Match Background: Meanie is making his debut at this show. He is a regular with JAPW. This match is for the XPW Television title. Rick Steiner has been XPW Television champion since 14 January 2004.

The Match: BORING ass brawling from Steiner. Rick Steiner punches away at Blue Meanie. There's a two count on the pin. Blue Meanie powers out of a Rick Steiner headlock. Meanie slams Rick Steiner down. Steiner is sure in trouble now. Steiner receives some punishment by Blue Meanie but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Steiner takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Rick Steiner fights out of a grapple. BIG clothesline from Steiner. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Rick Steiner climbs to the top turnbuckle as Blue Meanie is stunned. Steiner Bulldog! 1....2....3. Supreme comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Supreme slams Steiner down. Supreme climbs to the top rope and hits the Mecca Toad Splash! Rick Steiner has been left down on the canvas.

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:55

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:53

Supreme. Steiner. Belt for Belt. 10 Minute Time Limit Title vs XPW Television Title. Tune in for 5 MPH only at Pay Per View Tommorow night.

Overall:55

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:53

Marty Jannetty vs Rodney Mack and Ron Simmons.

Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout.

The Match: Jannetty hits a quick kick on Simmons. Face crusher from Jannetty on Mack sets up for an elbowdrop. Marty Jannetty hits a shitty missile dropkick on Mack. There's a two count on the pin. Jannetty hits a dropkick on Ron Simmons. Actually, it barely touched! Ron Simmons pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Simmons \ Mack whip Jannetty into the corner. Ron Simmons whips Rodney Mack in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Flying shoulder tackle by Mack sends Jannetty CRASHING to the mat. Ron Simmons hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Mack \ Simmons whip Jannetty into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Simmons DDTs Marty Jannetty. Pin, but Jannetty is out just before the three count. A kick from Jannetty is delivered to the leg. Fallaway slam by Rodney Mack puts down Marty Jannetty. Mack \ Simmons whip Jannetty into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Ron Simmons strikes Marty Jannetty. Ron Simmons gets taken down out of nowhere! Marty Jannetty once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Jannetty face jams Rodney Mack. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Nice piledriver on Jannetty. Simmons \ Mack whip Jannetty into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Theodore Long is at ringside! Jannetty wastes valuable time by yelling at Teddy! Rodney Mack takes advantage of the distraction and nails Jannetty from behind! Marty Jannetty gets knocked to the ground by Mack. Blackout!!! Marty Jannetty taps out!

My Opinion: If it weren't for two great moments in this match, it would have gotten a DUD. Either way, all its getting from me is a 1\2*.

Overall:59

Crowd Reaction:60

Match Quality:59

The Marty Jannetty vs the guys that are a different skin colour and Rodney Mack war is far from over. Will it continue at the PPV? Tune into the end of this post for those and more burning answers.

Hacksaw Bradshaw is out. He wants a shot at those XPW jabronis who back jumped him last week. Not that he isn't used to taking it from behind. Out comes Lizzy Borden with the Hardcore Homo Angel and a referee. The referee is just rebuttoning his pants, make of that as you will. Lizzy says that Bradshaw can have Angel IF he puts the United States Title on the line. Bradshaw says he has no problem. He then says HO!!! tough guy. Oh wait, that's just Lizzy Borden.

53

Hardcore Homo Angel vs Hacksaw Bradshaw.

Match Background: This match is for the United States title. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Hacksaw Bradshaw has been United States champion since 03 December 2003.

The Match: Hacksaw Bradshaw punches away at Hardcore Homo Angel only to get the tides turned quickly. Hacksaw Bradshaw connects with some weak punches on Hardcore Homo Angel. Weak slam from Bradshaw sets Angel for something, but if it was as weak as that slam, then Angel has no worries. Boring brawling from Hacksaw Bradshaw is the cure for insomnia. Angel reverses a Hacksaw Bradshaw hammerlock. Bradshaw tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Hardcore Homo Angel DDTs Bradshaw, but it just looked terrible. Covers for a quick two count. Hacksaw Bradshaw powers out of a Hardcore Homo Angel headlock. Hacksaw Bradshaw DDTs Angel in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Hardcore Homo Angel's head didn't touch the mat at all. Covers for a quick two count. Sloppy discus punch from Hacksaw Bradshaw barely connects on Angel. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Angel blocks a kick from Hacksaw Bradshaw. Hardcore Homo Angel hits Bradshaw. Bradshaw pushes out of a Hardcore Homo Angel hold. Hacksaw Bradshaw hits a weak elbow on Hardcore Homo Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel is in trouble. Clothesline From Hell!!! That shook the ring. Alex Wright quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Hacksaw Bradshaw turns around. Alex Wright stuns Bradshaw. Alex Wright quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Flying Press! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Wright! Alex Wright obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Hacksaw Bradshaw stands up. Alex Wright stuns Bradshaw. Alex Wright quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Flying Press! Alex Wright eventually leaves, having caused enough damage.

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:50

Crowd Reaction:49

Crowd Reaction:52

Oh my god. Alex Wright just beat down Bradshaw with a couple of crossbodies.(I think that's what they are referring to when they say flying press.) The Horror. Bradshaw may have to retire because of it. The World is ending. It's going all black. Oh wait I just closed by eyes for a moment trying to think what smarkass comment to say next.

THIS is your god damn main event:

Scott Snot vs Lex Luger.

Match Background: None.

The Match: BORING ass brawling from Snot. Luger pushes out of a Scott Snot hold. BIG clothesline from Luger. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Lex Luger knocks Snot down to the canvas with a clothesline. Scott Snot gets knocked to the ground by Luger. Here it comes...Torture Rack! Scott Snot taps! Mr. Warrior has grabbed a chair. Snot walks over...and gets floored with a hard shot. Luger also takes a hard shot. Warrior has laid everybody out!

My Opinion: -***. Giving out negative stars makes me feel bad inside. Well, not really, but it should!

Overall:36

Crowd Reaction:43

Match Quality:23

These guys match me SO proud. -*** stars. You can have your five star rating goals. My goal is to get -***** from the Dames. Maybe Mr. Warrior and Lex Luger can achieve that great rating. PPV. Warrior. Luger. Match. Main Event. See you at 5 MPH.

Overall:50

and Bradshaw is holding down Hardcore Homo Angle. Not what you would think. Anyway.

5 MPH.

Main Event between Muscleheads:

Lex Luger vs Mr. Warrior

DDW World Title Match Interpromitional Warfare:

Vader© vs Vic Grimes

THE POSSE EXPLODES for the XPW World Title:

Joey Abs vs Pete Gas

Title for Title. XPW Television vs 10 Minute Time Limit Title:

Rick Steiner(XPW TV) vs Supreme(10 Minute Time Limit)

XPW King of the Death Match Title:

Ahmed Johnson vs the Hardcore Homo Angel©

DDW United States Title Submission Match:

Hacksaw Bradshaw© vs Alex Wright

DDW Tag Team Titles:

Two Bad Mothertruckers© vs Youthanazia

Intergation Match of Doom:

Inspector Scott Steiner vs Giant Gonzales.

Rockin' Cage Match:(AKA we want people to actually ORDER this damn show)

Theodore Long vs Marty Jannetty

Predictions are, as always with my diaries, welcomed.

August 16, 2003

if yo want -***** do Warrior, Lex, and everybodys hero Nathan Jones.

madmatt2002 · August 17, 2003

I decide to have a spectacular pyro display(AKA two midgets with sparklers and a fire cracker apiece)

5 MPH PPV:

Marty Jannetty vs Theodore Long.

Match Background: This will be a cage bout.

The Match: Teddy uses a neckbreaker on Jannetty. Theodore Long launches Jannetty into the cage wall. Some pretty weak shots by Teddy. Teddy hits a wheel kick on Jannetty. Jannetty kicks Theodore Long in the gut to reverse the momentum. Forearm to the face from Jannetty on Teddy. Marty Jannetty and Teddy climb the cage....but both end up crashing back to the canvas after a struggle! Marty Jannetty hits a shitty missile dropkick on Teddy. Teddy blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Theodore Long with an enziguri. That reminds me...R.I.P, Owen Hart. Theodore Long climbs the cage, but gets pulled down by Jannetty! Flying knee to the face from Marty Jannetty. For the record it was more of a Rusty Wizard than a Shining one. Marty Jannetty goes to leave the cage by the door...but Rodney Mack appears at ringside and slams the door on his head! Teddy takes the opportunity, and climbs out the door for the win! Jannetty grabs the referee, then nails him with a right hand! Dozens of people hit the ring to stop any further incident.

My Opinion: Scotsman has the right idea. Get drunk and then watch the show. Maybe then, I could have salvaged something of a good time watching this mess. -***

Overall:44

Crowd Reaction:54

Match Quality:23

Can't you just tell I am going out of my way to have bad matches. Long beats Jannetty with some help from his fellow playa. This still isn't over.

Giant Gonzales vs Inspector Scott Steiner.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Inspector Scott Steiner hits a right hand on Giant Gonzales and follows it up with a couple more. Gonzales takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Inspector Scott Steiner hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Steiner DDTs Giant Gonzales. Supreme runs down the aisle and into the ring, carrying a chair! Steiner turns...and gets floored with a chair to the head! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell! Disqualification! Giant Gonzales gives a murderous look toward Supreme...and attacks! Supreme gets dropped to the canvas, then battered with a barrage of rights and lefts. Gonzales picks him up...and launches him over the top rope to the outside. A small measure of revenge has been taken.

My Opinion: I've never felt so inclined to go into the negatives before this match came along. -***.

Overall:31

Crowd Reaction:37

Match Quality:18

DAMN -*****. That's ALL I wanted. I knew I should have let Lizzy Borden ref this match instead of the Main Event. That would have brought it down. Anyway Supreme interferes and for a brief moment, Gonzales seems to be the mole. However Gonzo beats up Supreme so he ISN'T the mole. Or is he. Is there even one? Will this ever be solved? For those and more burning answers tune in next week. Same Warrior Time. Same Warrior Channel.

Youthanazia vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers.

Match Background: This match is for the Red and Yellow Tag titles. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have been Red and Yellow Tag champions since 31 December 2003.

The Match: STIFF high kick on Horowitz by Josh Prohibition. Second rope flying axe handle, Horowitz goes down. One day, JP might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Covers for a quick two count. Horowitz ducks a wild right hand. Punch by Horowitz, missing JP COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatJP didn't sell it. Barry Horowitz hits a bulldog off the ropes. Tag between Barry Horowitz and Maxx Payne. Maxx Payne turns JP inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Josh Prohibition comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. JP tags out to Matt Cross. Cross just WAFFLES Payne with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Hard back suplex on Payne. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Hooks the leg for a two count. Super kick by Matt Cross. Tag to Josh Prohibition. Springboard dropkick from Josh Prohibition. Nicely done. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Payne blocks a punch. Maxx Payne hits a right hand on Josh Prohibition. Payne tags out to Barry Horowitz. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Horowitz on JP. Josh Prohibition is all alone...Glass Ceiling!! 1....2....3!

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:49

Crowd Reaction:41

Match Quality:57

The XPW guys are already being buried and this is only the first month. Being pinned by Barry Horowitz is the lowest anyone can go. PERIOD.

Alex Wright vs Hacksaw Bradshaw.

Match Background: This will be a submission bout. Hacksaw Bradshaw is the reigning United States champion, and has been since 03 December 2003.

The Match: Hacksaw Bradshaw punches away at Alex Wright only to get the tides turned quickly. Hacksaw Bradshaw DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Wright. Hacksaw Bradshaw strikes Alex Wright. Wright reverses a Hacksaw Bradshaw hammerlock. Bradshaw receives a spinning neckbreaker from Wright. Alex Wright hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Wright drops an elbow...but Hacksaw Bradshaw moves out of the way. Side suplex from Bradshaw. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Bradshaw floors Alex Wright. There is the Ass Clawhold! Submission!

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:58

Crowd Reaction:61

Match Quality:52

(Insert Gay Joke about Bradshaw's new finisher HERE).

Ahmed Johnson vs Hardcore Homo Angel.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Forearm to the face from Angel on Ahmed. Hardcore Homo Angel strikes Ahmed Johnson with a hard blow. There's a two count on the pin. Ahmed blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Boring brawling from Ahmed Johnson is the cure for insomnia. Weak kick from Ahmed. I am unpleased. Ahmed hits Angel with a plastic dinosaur! Angel counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Weak bodyslam by Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!! Ahmed is pounding the canvas with punches, shouting about how unfair everything is.

My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**.

Overall:38

Crowd Reaction:40

Match Quality:36

Ahmed was SCREWED out of the belt by Angel. Angel attempting to get into Ahmed's pants...well I'll leave that to your imaginations.

Supreme vs Rick Steiner.

Match Background: This Match is Title for Title.

The Match: Rick Steiner takes a right hand to the temple from Supreme. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Running clothesline from Supreme was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Covers for a quick two count. Supreme misses a clothesline. Supreme takes a couple of weak clotheslines. There's a two count on the pin. Rick Steiner hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Covers for a quick two count. Supreme elbows Rick Steiner in the face to break a hammerlock. Big clothesline from Supreme. Pin, but Steiner is out just before the three count. Rick Steiner is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Supreme misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Rick Steiner connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Steiner hits a stump piledriver on Supreme. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Steiner charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Lizzy Borden is at ringside and flashes Rick Steiner! Steiner wastes valuable time by yelling at Borden! Supreme takes advantage of the distraction and nails Steiner from behind! Rick Steiner gets knocked to the ground by Supreme, who is already climbing the turnbuckle. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3. Rick Steiner goes on the rampage, firing off stiff shots to both Supreme and Lizzy Borden, who take the hint and swiftly leave the ring for their own safety.

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

Overall:56

Crowd Reaction:57

Match Quality:54

Supreme now has the 10 Minute Time Limit Title, the XPW Television Title, AND One half of the XPW Tag Team Titles along with Angel who has the XPW King of the Death Match Title. I think I have to officially name that team, Nothing But Gold.

Joey Abs vs Pete Gas.

Match Background: This will be a Greenwhich Streetfight. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Frying pan shot by Gas. Pete Gas DDTs Abs in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Joey Abs's head didn't touch the mat at all. Covers for a quick two count. Abs ducks a wild right hand. Abs strikes away at Pete Gas, not doing much damage at all. Joey Abs with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Gas. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Hooks the leg for a two count. Joey Abs uses a big bag of popcorn to floor Gas. I wonder if butter adds impact. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Running clothesline from Joey Abs was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Gas blocks a kick from Joey Abs. Gas hits a stump piledriver on Joey Abs. Covers for a quick two count. Pete Gas knocks Abs down to the canvas with a clothesline. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Abs takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Whip into an upright table by Gas. Joey Abs reverses a hip toss. Gas takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Joey Abs scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pete Gas hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Abs scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Pete Gas got screwed out of the victory!

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:39

Crowd Reaction:32

Match Quality:47

The war is FAR from over. Tune into XPW Climax on TNT. Which reminds me, we have to send the drugged cookies to TNT executives again so Standards and Pratices don't pitch a bitch about the XPW Show.

Vic Grimes vs Vader.

Match Background: This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. Vader has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 31 December 2003.

The Match: Spear by Vader. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Vader connects and Vic Grimes is down! Vader scores with a standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Vader with a spinning neckbreaker on Grimes. Covers for a quick two count. Vader goes for a splash but Grimes puts the knees up. BIG clothesline on Vader. Spear by Vic Grimes. Vader reverses a hip toss. Grimes walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Vic Grimes can barely stand. Here it comes - Vader Bomb. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: All you deserve for this is *. That DOESN'T mean that you're a deputy or a cop or whatever.

Overall:63

Crowd Reaction:58

Match Quality:68

Vader retained the title like there was ANY doubt that he would. Vader will defend against whomever is going to be defended against next.

Lex Luger vs Mr. Warrior.

Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Lizzy Borden will be the referee for this match.

The Match: Lex Luger DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Warrior. Lex Luger hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Mr. Warrior is able to block them and return the favor in spades. BORING ass brawling from Luger. Hooks the leg for a two count. Warrior takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Covers for a quick two count. Warrior reverses a Lex Luger hammerlock. Weak kick from Warrior. I am unpleased. Hooks the leg for a two count. Mr. Warrior DDTs Luger in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Lex Luger's head didn't touch the mat at all. Luger powers out of a headlock. Luger DDTs Mr. Warrior. Mr. Warrior hits Lex Luger with a flurry of punches. Lex Luger gets knocked to the ground by Warrior. Gorilla Press and Splash!!! Lizzy Borden has called for the bell, Warrior is celebrating...until the ring announcer says that he has been disqualified for using a closed fist punch during the earlier flurry! Lizzy Borden has screwed Mr. Warrior over! Mr. Warrior has a temper tantrum, kicking the ropes and punching the turnbuckles.

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

Overall:56

Crowd Reaction:64

Match Quality:39

Mr. Warrior got disqualified so Lex Luger can recieve title shots again. Lizzy Borden screwed Mr. Warrior out of the match. Can Lizzy and Lex be in cahoots? Tune into Tussels with Tassels on Comedy Central Saturday Nights to find out.

Overall:48

0.27 buy rate for 5 MPH.

madmatt2002 · August 19, 2003

XPW Climax for 1/21/04:

Erotica vs Nothing But Gold.

Match Background: Supreme and Angel are teaming up as Nothing But Gold for the first time tonight. This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Nothing But Gold have been XPW Tag Team champions since 14 January 2004.

The Match: Angel tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Massive back suplex! Hardcore Homo Angel got snapped in half, but not literally because that would just end the match now wouldn't it. Covers for a quick two count. Tag to Chris Chetti. Erotica whip Angel into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Spin kick by Chris Chetti to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Hooks the leg for a two count. Standing leg lariat by Chris Chetti on Angel. Angel backdrops Chris Chetti out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Hardcore Homo Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Tag between Hardcore Homo Angel and Supreme. Chetti gets splashed in the corner. Weak bodyslam by Supreme. Supreme goes for a splash but Chetti puts the knees up. Tag to Danny Doring. Nice piledriver on Supreme. Wicked suplex out of the corner from Danny Doring, is executed so well, it hurt MY back. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Danny Doring gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Doring. Doring charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Big clothesline from Supreme. Nothing But Gold have Danny Doring to themselves. Double Flatliner! 1....2....3! It's over.

My Opinion: Not good enough to earn an entire star. 3/4* for you.

Overall:60

Crowd Reaction:53

Match Quality:67

Nothing But Gold are STILL the XPW Tag Team Champions. They beat Eurotica tonight. The unification match with 2 Bad Mothertruckers are on the horizon providing I don't go bankrupt this month for losing too much money. Also Supreme is allowed to float because he is both the 10 Minute Time Limit Champion and the XPW Television Champion in edition to holding one half of the XPW Tag Team Titles with Angel who is also the XPW King of the Deathmatch Champion.

Lizzy Borden is kneeling underneath her desk when RODNEY~! of the Mean Street Posse comes in. He feels left out because Joey Abs and Pete Gas are battling for the title and he hasn't wrestled for quite a while on TV. Lizzy said he can referee the rematch tonight between Pete and Joey. Lizzy also warns Rodney to do the right thing. Rodney scratches his head wondering what the right thing is. Lizzy is too busy doing whatever she was doing underneath the desk to answer.

35

Zach Gowan vs Pogo The Clown.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Gowan hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Zach Gowan takes a right hand to the temple from Pogo. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Pogo strikes away at Zach Gowan, not doing much damage at all. There's a two count on the pin. Pogo slams Zach Gowan down. Gowan is sure in trouble now. Covers for a quick two count. Pogo The Clown misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Forearm to the face from Gowan on Pogo. Hooks the leg for a two count. Badly executed second rope splash by Gowan. Pogo The Clown powers out of a Zach Gowan headlock. Pogo The Clown scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pogo The Clown moves in for the kill. Closed Casket Crunch! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: You barely escaped a DUD rating. 1/4*.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:57

Match Quality:58

Gowan continues to get crapped on for upping his pay. Betcha regret it now peg leg. Anyway Pogo the Clown wrestled his first official match in the watered down xPW.

Joey Abs vs Pete Gas.

Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Rodney will be the referee for this match. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Joey Abs hits Gas. Joey Abs hits a right hand on Pete Gas. Covers for a quick two count. Gas ducks a wild right hand. Pete Gas hits a weak elbow on Joey Abs. Uninspiring brawling from Pete Gas. Check them brawlin' stats, boy. Abs takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Joey Abs comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Abs hits a piledriver on Pete Gas. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Lizzy Borden has climbed up onto the apron! Gas turns...and falls for the distraction! Joey Abs attacks Gas from behind! Pete Gas is in trouble. Tiger Driver! 1....2....3. Abs and Borden beat away on Pete Gas, leaving him spread-eagled on the canvas.

My Opinion: That was just BRUTAL to watch. -**

Overall:35

Crowd Reaction:32

Match Quality:39

Rodney didn't have any favour in the outcome of this match. A SWERVE~! Anyway Lizzy doing a beatdown while Pete Gas is laying spread eagled. Must resist temptation to make tasteless joke. Must leave it up to reader's imagination. Aw that's better.

The fun has just begun because Lizzy pulled one over Mr. Warrior. She signed the Number One Contender to the DDW World Title....The Total Package, Lex Luger. Luger comes out and flexes a bit. Luger said he wants a shot at Joey Abs as was the agreement to signing for XPW. He wants it at (Insert the Name of the Next PPV, Here). Lizzy says why not next week. Lex says fine and says he will win the only majour title he has yet to win. He is going to defect the WWE and beat Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar/Big Show/A-Train/whomever may hold the Smackdown Title at this point in time??? No he is going to win the XPW World Title next week, dumbass.

54

Overall:36

0.85 Rating for Climax.

madmatt2002 · August 21, 2003

Tussels with Tassels for 1/24/04:

Giant Gonzales is in the back. It turns out that he is the acting Owner tonight because Mr. Warrior swallowed a paper clip and will not be able to make matches tonight. Gonzo says that a former WWE superstar who URNED everything he has accomplished will debut. Nash will be here tonight. That punk Supreme will defend the 10 Minute Time Limit Title against Ahmed Johnson. Also Vader will defend the Big Red and Yellow Title against a mystery opponent. It will be a BIG big night.

32

A limo with Nash on the license plate pulls up and out comes....Devin Nash. Kevin Nash's fifth cousin. I didn't actually SAY Kevin Nash was going to debut so no money back.

44

Devin Nash vs Bushwacker Luke.

Match Background: Nash is making his debut at this show.

The Match: A weak headbutt on Luke by Nash causes nothing but pain for both. Bushwacker Luke takes a right hand to the temple from Nash. There's a two count on the pin. Luke blocks a kick from Devin Nash. Boring brawling from Bushwacker Luke is the cure for insomnia. Some pretty weak shots by Luke. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Luke on Nash. Nash blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Powerslam from Devin Nash on Luke. Bushwacker Luke can barely stand. Powerbomb! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**.

Overall:32

Crowd Reaction:33

Match Quality:40

Devin Nash does his fifth cousin proud by pulling out this classic. Big Sexy has to be proud of him.

Out comes Nikita Koloff. He wants the Rock and Roll Express. Out come the Express. Koloff says he has a partner and the Russian National Athem kicks up and out comes.....Krusher Krushchev. Yes Barry Darsow, the man, the myth the legend.

59

Nation of Communism vs Rock N Roll Express.

Match Background: Krusher and Koloff are teaming up as Nation of Communism for the first time tonight. Rock N Roll Express are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion.

The Match: Nikita Koloff hits a weak elbow on Robert Gibson. Nikita Koloff hits a bulldog off the ropes. Koloff tags out to Krusher Krushchev. Krusher Krushchev hits a weak elbow on Robert Gibson. There's a two count on the pin. Krusher Krushchev knocks Gibson down to the canvas with a clothesline. Krusher tags out to Nikita Koloff. Nation of Communism whip Gibson into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Gibson flips out of a Nikita Koloff bodyslam attempt. Tag to Ricky Morton. Ricky Morton strikes Nikita Koloff with a hard blow. Flying elbow off the top rope by Ricky Morton, getting as close to zero air as possible. Tag between Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson. Rock N Roll Express whip Koloff into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Nikita Koloff takes a knee lift from Gibson. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. Gibson tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Nikita Koloff. Tag between Robert Gibson and Ricky Morton. Morton hits a dropkick on Nikita Koloff. Actually, it barely touched! Koloff pushes out of a Ricky Morton hold. Koloff tags out to Krusher Krushchev. Krusher hits a stump piledriver on Ricky Morton. Ricky Morton is in big trouble...Iron Curtain!! 1....2....3!

My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*.

Overall:49

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:56

The Iron Curtain is the Demoliton Decapitation with Koloff dropping an elbow off the bottom rope while Krusher does a backbreaker. The Nation of Communism vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers would be a dream tag team match here is DDW.

Tommy Rogers vs Underfaker.

Match Background: Rogers is making his debut at this show. Underfaker is making his debut at this show.

The Match: A weak headbutt on Rogers by Underfaker causes nothing but pain for both. Underfaker hits a right hand on Tommy Rogers and follows it up with a couple more. Rogers hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Hooks the leg for a two count. Weak bodyslam on Rogers by Underfaker sets up a legdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Tommy Rogers once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Rogers snapmares Underfaker and goes for the DREADED chinlock. There's a two count on the pin. Suplex into a front slam from Rogers, but the execution was CRAPTASTIC~!. Underfaker is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Underfaker turns Rogers inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Tommy Rogers is in trouble. Here it comes - Choke Slam. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:40

Crowd Reaction:41

Match Quality:50

Yes that top ex-WWE superstar gets a pin. He is a great talent. -* match, I am so PROUD. He urned this victory did the deadman. *cough*it'snotmarkcallowayitsbrianleedoingtheundertakergimmick*cough*

Hardcore Homo Angel is walking backstage when Hacksaw Bradshaw corners him with a bullwhip and a can of baby oil. Bradshaw says he is going to make Angle his HO!!!!, tough guy. Bradshaw looks about ready to force himself on the Hardcore Homo when Angel yells:"Look, Pat Patterson." Bradshaw turns around and Angel decks Bradshaw with the Deathmatch Title and steals his baby oil and bullwhip. Lizzy was looking for baby oil and a bullwhip anyway.

52

Ahmed Johnson vs Supreme.

Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004.

The Match: Ahmed Johnson strikes Supreme. Covers for a quick two count. Ahmed Johnson DDTs Supreme in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Supreme's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Supreme hits a right hand on Ahmed Johnson. Supreme hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Supreme misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Powerslam from Ahmed Johnson on Supreme. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Flapjack from Supreme on Ahmed. Ahmed Johnson grabs Supreme from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Supreme rolls through with the move! He used a pull of the tights to get Ahmed over! 1....2...3! The referee was out of position and didn't see it! Ahmed grabs the referee, then nails him with a right hand! Dozens of people hit the ring to stop any further incident.

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

Overall:42

Crowd Reaction:46

Match Quality:49

Supreme gets past Ahmed somehow. Ahmed lost to Angel at the PPV and Supreme tonight. Ahmed is not having a very good week, is he. Maybe is fortunes will pick up. Only the booking napkin knows.

Vader comes out and brags about beating Vic Grimes at the PPV. Vader says he wants to face any top superstar that in DDW and XPW. As if on cue, The Shockmaster falls over the guardrail and into the ringside era. Yes the Shockmaster. A WCW legend if there every was one. We have a title match right about....now.

63

Vader vs The Shockmaster.

Match Background: Shockmaste is making his debut at this show. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. Vader has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 31 December 2003.

The Match: Some pretty weak shots by Shockmaste. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Shockmaste on Vader. Hooks the leg for a two count. Vader avoids a The Shockmaster avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Bodyslam by Vader. Vader connects with rights and lefts and The Shockmaster is down! Flying shoulder tackle by Vader sends Shockmaste CRASHING to the mat. Shockmaste counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. The Shockmaster DDTs Vader in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Vader's head didn't touch the mat at all. The Shockmaster floors Vader. Shock Wave! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**.

Overall:42

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:37

(The Shockmaster is a World Champion). The Shock Wave is Shockmaster tripping and falling on his opponent. (Oh my god the FUCKING Shockmaster is a World Champion). Vader really didn't didn't sell much. (God you worry about that when you have the FUCKING Shockmaster as your World Champion). Shockmaster is losing overness from his weak gimmick. (Who gives a flipping fuck. The FUCKING Shockmaster holds your number one title. The end is near) -** was what we expect in this fed. (God damn you. You shouldn't have done this. You will most likely get fired at the end of the month when the god damn SHOCKMASTER is your World Champion). Shockmaster should be a good champion and hold up the honor of this fed(Yeah right, XPW now has the better World Champion and it is a member of the god damn Mean Street Posse). See you on Climax(What in the hell were you thinking. The Fucking Shockmaster is holding the top belt in your company).

Overall:45(The Shockmaster. I know this fed isn't serious but the Shockmaster. At least Nathan Jones can do a spin kick and a big boot. THE SHOCKMASTER)

Vader is now holding the Shockmaster down(As well he should be. You made the god damn SHOCKMASTER your World Champion).

0.40 Rating for Tussels with Tassels(Watch that rating go down faster than Lizzy Borden because the Shockmaster is the By Gawd World Champion. Jesus Christ I have heard about stupid booking decisions but this one takes the cake.)

I'll be back later(The Shockmaster, I tell you. The World Champion. At least the Big Show can be a halfway decent wrestler.)

August 21, 2003

A limo with Nash on the license plate pulls up and out comes....Devin Nash. Kevin Nash's fifth cousin.

Actually, Devin Nash is some wannabe who wrestles for a Christian Wrestling Federation, but i can see where youre going.

Keep it up, although if i may make one criticism is that the XPW Stuff is incredibly weak compared to the DDW stuff

madmatt2002 · August 22, 2003

XPW Climax for 1/28/03:

Mr. Warrior is out. He is not happy and he is going to make some changes. Changes. But he isn't even the GM of this show. Well where Lizzy was busy with some random bum, he slipped her some contracts which forced something on her. Poison. A lethal dose of Poison. It will KILL XPW. Kill it. Cue the Porno Music and out comes....Horace Hogan, Devin Nash, and some moron in a Scott Hall mask. The Brand New World Order. BNWO for short. Horace Hogan says that finally a Hogan is back in charge but he is under Warrior's payroll now. His uncle ran off to the WWE because Vince McMahon promised him a main event feud.....with Vince McMahon. This is of course Devin Nash, a 7th Cousin of Kevin Nash(but last week he was his FIFTH cousin) and Scotch Haul. The guy in the Scott Hall mask does Hall's trademark pose. We are going to KILL XPW like we did Backwoods Championship Wrestling in Richmond Virginia. The BNOW have their first opponents right about.....now.

46

Danny Doring, Chris Chetti, and Scott Snot vs Brand New World Order.

Match Background: Haul is making his debut at this show. Horace is making his debut at this show.

The Match: A weak headbutt on Doring by Horace causes nothing but pain for both. Danny Doring takes a right hand to the temple from Horace. Tag between Horace Hogan and Devin Nash. Weak bodyslam on Doring by Nash sets up a legdrop. Powerslam from Devin Nash on Doring. Covers for a quick two count. Nash tags out to Scotch Haul. Devin Nash scoops up Doring. Haul bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Scotch Haul with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Doring. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Doring reverses a waistlock. Doring drives a thrust kick into the chest of Haul. Doring tags out to Chris Chetti. Flying elbow from Chris Chetti connects. Springboard dropkick from Chris Chetti. Nicely done. Pin, but Haul is out just before the three count. Second rope flying axe handle, Haul goes down. One day, Chetti might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Tag to Scott Snot. Scott Snot punches away at Scotch Haul only to get the tides turned quickly. Scott Snot punches away at Scotch Haul. Haul blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Tag between Scotch Haul and Horace Hogan. Horace slams Scott Snot down. Snot is sure in trouble now. Snot tags out to Danny Doring. STIFF~! chop lights up Horace who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Horace Hogan avoids a Danny Doring avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Horace Hogan moves in for the kill. Lariat! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:47

Crowd Reaction:37

Match Quality:57

Well the first wave of the Invasion of the Invaders proved interesting. Horace, Devin, and Scotch, the montly crew if there ever was one. They are POISON.

Lizzy Borden is not in a good mood. You see her Aunt Flo came to visit today so she is going to take it out on somebody. She makes a random match using a dartboard. Okay Supreme will defend the XPW Television Title against Hardcore Homo Angel. She also says that the Poison is no problem right now. They are just a bunch of independent nobodies, right.

37

Hardcore Homo Angel vs Supreme.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW Television title. Hardcore Homo Angel is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 07 January 2004. Nothing But Gold are the reigning XPW Tag Team champions, and have been since 14 January 2004. Supreme has been XPW Television champion since 18 January 2004.

The Match: Hardcore Homo Angel hits a right hand on Supreme and follows it up with a couple more. Supreme elbows Hardcore Homo Angel in the face to break a hammerlock. Supreme strikes Hardcore Homo Angel. Supreme misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Supreme turns Angel inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Angel pushes out of a Supreme hold. Hardcore Homo Angel snap suplexes Supreme HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Angel is now a bonifide HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Hardcore Homo Angel DDTs Supreme, but it just looked terrible. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Supreme. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Supreme pushes out of a Hardcore Homo Angel hold. Big clothesline from Supreme. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Supreme drops an elbow...but Hardcore Homo Angel moves out of the way. The referee tries to separate the two grapplers...and gets knocked over and trampled on as they brawl! That's enough, the referee calls for the bell - double DQ! Hardcore Homo Angel extends his hand to Supreme...and it is accepted! They shake!

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:29

Match Quality:61

Okay this was interesting. No one gets beat althrough I considered switching the Television Title to Angel and having Supreme throw a tantrum but in the end, Supreme is going to stay champion on a screwjob. My napkin is all sweaty because of this freakin' 100 degree days so I am going to have to get a new one for the next couple of shows.

Joey Abs vs Lex Luger.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Joey Abs hits Luger. Lex Luger powers out of a Joey Abs headlock. Powerslam from Lex Luger on Abs. Side suplex from Luger. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Lex Luger floors Joey Abs. Here it comes...Torture Rack! Joey Abs is almost unconscious with pain! Horace Hogan quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Lex Luger turns around. Horace Hogan spins Luger around. Horace Hogan hits the Lariat! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Horace! Horace Hogan has a chair. Lex Luger stands up...and gets floored by a shot to the head. Another two shots smack down across his back, leaving him unmoving on the canvas. Horace sets the chair up, then picks up Lex Luger. He gets whipped into the ropes...and then drop toe holded, sending him face first into the chair! Horace Hogan has left Luger down and bloodied in the ring after a brutal assault!

My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:38

Lex Luger is going to be feuding with the Brand New World Order, nope haven't seen that before(bullshit you have. In WCW from 1996-1998). Yeah this is something that is new and should be worth it to go through with.

Overall:32(Ouch)

0.80 Rating for Climax.

August 22, 2003

Funnily enough, when I had EWR 3.0 running for long enough to create my own fed, Horace Hogan was the world champion when i ran it into the ground bankrupt

madmatt2002 · August 23, 2003

This could very well be the last show in this diary if I get canned due to PI and Money issues. Well let's not dwell on that, enjoy the show.

Tussels with Tassels for 1/31/04:

Mr. Warrior is in his office. He said last week the Shockmaster won the belt and that was not supposed to happen. So Mr. Warrior has made a Survivor Series errr Elimination Challenge Match. Any survivors will face Shockmaster for the tonight in tonight's main event. That happens right about....now.

48

Team Gibson vs Team Mack.

Match Background: Team Gibson consists of Robert Gibson, Ricky Morton, Hacksaw Bradshaw, and Ahmed Johnson. Team Mack consists of Rodney Mack, Ron Simmons, Krusher Krushchev, and Nikita Koloff. This will be a survivor series bout. Hacksaw Bradshaw is the reigning United States champion, and has been since 03 December 2003.

The Match: First Fall : Morton hits a soaring kick on Mack. Ricky Morton hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Mack counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Morton! Rodney Mack floors Ricky Morton. Here it comes...Blackout! Ricky Morton taps! Second Fall : Gibson hits a soaring kick on Koloff. Gibson tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Nikita Koloff. Covers for a quick two count. Nikita Koloff powers out of a Robert Gibson headlock. Side suplex from Koloff. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Robert Gibson is in trouble. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished. Third Fall : Some pretty weak shots by Ahmed. Big forearm by Ahmed draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. There's a two count on the pin. Mack ducks a wild right hand. Spear! Ahmed is down! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Rodney Mack misses a clothesline. Ahmed Johnson DDTs Mack in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Rodney Mack's head didn't touch the mat at all. Cover gets three for Ahmed Johnson, Mack got pinned. Fourth Fall : Weak kick from Bradshaw. I am unpleased. Big forearm by Bradshaw draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hooks the leg for a two count. Krusher blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Sloppy discus punch from Krusher Krushchev barely connects on Bradshaw. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Bradshaw pushes out of a Krusher Krushchev hold. Messed up bodyslam by Bradshaw almost kills Krusher. ONE...TWO...THREE. Bradshaw defeats Krusher. Fifth Fall : Some pretty weak shots by Koloff. Big forearm by Koloff draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Covers for a quick two count. Ahmed backdrops Nikita Koloff out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed DDTs Nikita Koloff. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Koloff ducks a wild right hand. BIG clothesline from Koloff. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Nikita Koloff pins Ahmed. Sixth Fall : Big forearm by Bradshaw draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hacksaw Bradshaw DDTs Koloff in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Nikita Koloff's head didn't touch the mat at all. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hacksaw Bradshaw connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Nikita Koloff is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Big forearm by Koloff draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hacksaw Bradshaw can barely stand. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:62

Match Quality:48

Koloff and Ron Simmons survive the Elimination Challenge. They will both face the Shockmaster for the World Title later tonight. Can the Shockster defeat both these evil men? Tune in later to find out.

Mr. Warrior has called Supreme into his office. Hardcore Homo Angel tags along and Mr. Warrior has banned Angel from ringside for Supreme's match with Inspector Scott Steiner for the 10 Minute Time Limit Title. Supreme laughs in Warrior's face and says he injured Steiner's brother, Rick last time they fought(Rick went down with a knee injury last weekend so I am using his last match with Supreme to explain the injury). He will do the same to Steiner and will retain his title again. He has three belts and it will stay that way forever. Supreme says that will most certainly be....Supreme.

53

2 Bad Mothertruckers vs Can-Am Express.

Match Background: Furnas is making his debut at this show. LaFon is making his debut at this show. Can-Am Express used to be a regular team, but have been inactive for a while. Whether this match will lead to a reformation as an active unit remains to be seen. This match is for the Red and Yellow Tag titles. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have been Red and Yellow Tag champions since 31 December 2003.

The Match: Running clothesline from Maxx Payne was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Powerslam from Maxx Payne on LaFon. Tag to Barry Horowitz. Barry Horowitz punches away at Phil LaFon. Covers for a quick two count. Barry Horowitz connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Horowitz tags out to Maxx Payne. 2 Bad Mothertruckers hook up LaFon, then hit a double suplex. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Phil LaFon comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Tag to Doug Furnas. Double leg takedown from Doug Furnas sets up a ground and pound in the middle of the ring. What the hell is this, UFC? Suplex into a front slam from Furnas, but the execution was CRAPTASTIC~!. Tag to Phil LaFon. Can-Am Express hook up Payne, then hit a double suplex. Vertical suplex by Phil LaFon. Payne walks into a jaw breaker. Tag between Phil LaFon and Doug Furnas. Furnas slams Maxx Payne down. Payne is sure in trouble now. Maxx Payne fights out of a grapple. Payne tags out to Barry Horowitz. Powerslam from Barry Horowitz on Furnas. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have Doug Furnas to themselves. Glass Ceiling! 1....2....3! It's over.

My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP.

Overall:43

Crowd Reaction:41

Match Quality:46

You might remember Furnas and LaFon facing Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith for the WWF Tag Team Titles in 1997 but in this fed if it happened after 1996, It didn't happen. (Unless we say it did). 2 Bad Mothertruckers are STILL Undefeated.

Vader is pissed. He is really pissed. A moron in a storm trooper helmet beat him so he is going to kill the first person who walks by him in the Interview era. Tommy Rogers walks by, whistling. Vader grabs Rogers by the hair and drags him to ringside.

74

Tommy Rogers vs Vader.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Vader gets hip tossed by Rogers. Tommy Rogers gets taken down out of nowhere! Rogers walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Vader just KILLS Tommy Rogers! Tommy Rogers is in trouble. Vader Bomb! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: Sadly, a 1\2* match.

Overall:57

Match Quality:54

Match Quality:61

Vader made Tommy Rogers his BITCH. Vader wants a title shot at Warrior-Mania on February 22nd but it remains to be seen if we will even be in business tehn.

Brian Knobbs vs Godfather.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the Hardcore title. Brian Knobbs has been Hardcore champion since 12 November 2003.

The Match: Brian Knobbs punches away at Godfather only to get the tides turned quickly. Frying pan shot by Knobbs. Brian Knobbs punches away at Godfather only to get the tides turned quickly. There's a two count on the pin. Brian Knobbs punches away at Godfather. Hooks the leg for a two count. Godfather comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Godfather hits a right hand on Brian Knobbs and follows it up with a couple more. Covers for a quick two count. Godfather hits a piledriver on Brian Knobbs. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Godfather gets taken down out of nowhere! Brian Knobbs knocks Godfather down to the canvas with a clothesline. Godfather is in trouble. Here it comes - Powerslam. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:50

HOLY SHIT. It's Brian Knobbs. I thought he was dead. It has been many, many weeks since the Hardcore Title was on the line.. I think the last time it was defended was the show where the xPW Invasion kicked off.

Hardcore Homo Angel and Supreme beat down Hacksaw Bradshaw in the backstage area.

58

Supreme vs Inspector Scott Steiner.

Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004.

The Match: Inspector Scott Steiner hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Sloppy discus punch from Inspector Scott Steiner barely connects on Supreme. Flapjack from Steiner on Supreme. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Steiner slams Supreme down. Supreme is sure in trouble now. There's a two count on the pin. Supreme pushes out of a Inspector Scott Steiner hold. Steiner gets splashed in the corner. Supreme hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Steiner counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Inspector Scott Steiner hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Supreme slugs Inspector Scott Steiner, sending him down into the corner. While Supreme fires up the crowd, Steiner is removing the turnbuckle pad! Supreme comes over...but Steiner goes low! Inspector Scott Steiner gets up, then goes for the irish whip into the corner, but Supreme reverses! Inspector Scott Steiner goes head first into them, knocking him silly! Schoolboy from Supreme: 1....2....3! The referee never noticed the exposed turnbuckle. Another referee comes running down the aisle, and points out the exposed steel turnbuckle to the assigned official. The referee reverses the decision! He is disqualifying Supreme for using it to gain an advantage! Supreme slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. Obviously he's had enough for one night.

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:53

Match Quality:47

Steiner did not walk out with the title belt tonight. Supreme pinned Steiner but the decision was reversed. The hand of Dusty plays a hand in this 10 Minute Time Limit Title Match.

The Shockmaster trips on the ramp on his way to the ring.

39

The Shockmaster vs Nikita Koloff vs Ron Simmons.

Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. The Shockmaster has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 24 January 2004.

The Match: Koloff takes a weak kick. The Shockmaster DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Simmons. Koloff counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Nikita Koloff hits a BIG clothesline for two! Powerslam from Ron Simmons on Koloff. Pin, but Koloff is out just before the three count. Big forearm by Shockmaste draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Simmons kicks The Shockmaster in the gut to reverse the momentum. Nikita Koloff scoops up Shockmaste. Simmons bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Nikita Koloff scores with a shitty standing spinebuster. Ron Simmons hits Koloff. Nikita Koloff pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Boring brawling from Nikita Koloff is the cure for insomnia. Nikita Koloff moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:58

Match Quality:45

Nikita Koloff is the NEW Big Red and Yellow Champion. The first man to hold the belt TWO Times. Twice he has held the gold. He pinned Shockmaster to win the belt tonight. Two Time Champion.

Overall:53

and the moment you have all been waiting for.....

are you ready...........

WE CONTINUE FOR ANOTHER MONTH. Woo F'n Hoo.

0.39 Rating for Tussels with Tassels.

Ring of Honor has gone bankrupt in some sad news for Workrate fans.

August 23, 2003

You Know, maybe if you hadnt bought out XPW and let them stick up your fed, you wouldnt have both PI and Money issues

madmatt2002 · August 23, 2003

XPW Climax for 2/4/04:

"Hello to all you people out there in TV Land. I am the master of the spoken word and the newest member of the XPW Roster, Orator. The only reason I was hired is because I am charismatic and will work for cheap. Kevin Nash is a better pure wrestler than I. Tonight shall be a specatular night of gladitorial combat. The Blindsiders, Devin Nash and Scotch Haul will face Youthanazia where the winners are the number one contenders for the XPW Tag Team Titles held by Angel and Supreme. Some other things shall happened but I cannot find the napkin that the bookings of this gladitorial combat is scrawled on. So lounge back and endulge yourselves in the action that is about to take place. "

55

Youthanazia vs Blindsiders.

Match Background: Haul and Nash are teaming up as Blindsiders for the first time tonight.

The Match: Uninspired brawling from Scotch Haul. Scotch Haul strikes Josh Prohibition with a hard blow. There's a two count on the pin. Haul tags out to Devin Nash. Blindsiders hook up JP, then hit a double suplex. Covers for a quick two count. Devin Nash hits a right hand on Josh Prohibition. JP blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Spinning bulldog in the corner and Nash is down! There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Matt Cross. Flying reverse elbow by Matt Cross. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Spin kick by Matt Cross to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Devin Nash powers out of a Matt Cross headlock. Weak bodyslam on Cross by Nash sets up a legdrop. Tag between Devin Nash and Scotch Haul. Cross hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Tag to Josh Prohibition. Big kick from Haul staggers JP but that's about it. Scotch Haul gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!!

My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker.

Overall:50

Crowd Reaction:30

Match Qualtiy:70

The Blindsiders will face Nothing But Gold soon. Horace Hogan is not here this week because he costs too much per apperence and I am trying to cut costs so I don't get canned.

Hardcore Homo Angel is backstage when he is approached by Supreme. Supreme says that it is always Angel and Supreme. Why not Supreme and Angel. Supreme said there is a reason why he has three belts and Angel only has two, he is the captain of the team. Angel says he is the over the top gay guy and Supreme is his goofy sidekick. Supreme says that if that is all Angel thinks of him as, they can meet in the ring for that Deathmatch Title over your shoulder. But you're the sidekick. Doesn't matter. I can still kick your ass. Angel gets all pissed off and tells Supreme to meet him in the ring in 20 seconds.

46

Hardcore Homo Angel vs Supreme.

Match Background: This will be a falls count anywhere bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Wack kick from Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel with a cane to the leg. Now that's psychology in a hardcore match! Hardcore Homo Angel snap suplexes Supreme HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Angel is now a bonifide HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Weak bodyslam on Supreme by Angel sets up a legdrop. Supreme reverses a hip toss. Supreme hits Angel with a plastic dinosaur! Supreme hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Supreme drops an elbow...but Hardcore Homo Angel moves out of the way. Powerslam from Hardcore Homo Angel on Supreme. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Supreme. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hardcore Homo Angel gets taken down out of nowhere! Supreme hits a right hand on Hardcore Homo Angel and follows it up with a couple more. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd. Supreme uses a headbutt on the outside. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme uses a headbutt on the outside. They wind up back in the squared circle. Angel blocks a kick from Supreme. Face crusher from Angel on Supreme sets up for an elbowdrop. Supreme is in trouble. Circumsizer! 1....2....3. Hardcore Homo Angel offers a handshake to Supreme...and he accepts it!

My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:27

Match Quality:63

Both men have earned each other's respect. Seems like a good fight is all that is needed to iron out your problems. (Note: this doesn't apply outside of XPW)

Orator closes out the show reminding us to tune in next week in a lot of big words. The XPW World Title will be on the line when All Three Members of the Mean Street Posse face each other in a Three Way Posse Streetfight. The losing members are out of XPW. Orator says may our experiences be illuminating.

52

Overall:37

0.86 Rating for Climax.

madmatt2002 · August 26, 2003

DDW Tussels with Tassels for 2/7/04(The I am that damn cheap edition, because I don't want to go into bankruptcy)

Mr. Warrior is out. He didn't really want to do this but he had to hire a writer. One way we are cutting costs is the napkin budgets and our writer was willing take half of that pay. "Ironman" plays and out comes.......Vince Russo??? No you moron. Vance Russo. Vince Russo's illiterate cousin(sure like Devin Nash was Kevin Nash's 5th cousin or was that 7th Cousin). Vance says he is the opposite of his cousin. For instance he doesn't like T & A because he doesn't quite swing that way. He has some rough ideas of what to do and he has brought in New Blood. Last time we brought in new blood, we nearly lost the fed. (You still haven't explained how the guy can write the shows if he is illiterate).

46

Los Villanos 2004 vs Men of Question.

Match Background: Villano 18 is making his debut at this show. Villano 30 is making his debut at this show. What is making his debut at this show. Villano 18 and Villano 30 are teaming up as Los Villanos 2004 for the first time tonight. What and Who are teaming up as Men of Question for the first time tonight.

The Match: Who hits a stump piledriver on Villano XXX. Villano 30 tags out to Villano XVIII. Big forearm by Who draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Tag to What. What DDTs Villano 18, but it just looked terrible. Tag to Villano XXX. Weak bodyslam by What. Side suplex from What. What signals for the Big Shot! Villano XIV comes out of the crowd and into the ring! What turns around. Villano XIV stuns What. Villano XIV quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Missile Dropkick! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Villano 14! Men of Question are left down and out in the ring thanks to the attack of Villano 18, Villano 30 and Villano 14.

My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP.

Overall:37

Crowd Reaction:37

Match Quality:47

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. I am not going to make the obvious Who and What jokes. Who is of course Jim Neidhart and What is Bill DeMott. And fans are looking at this team and saying, Why. The Guys dressed as Villanos are BRITISH for god's sakes. I just took some British Jobbers and gave them a Villano outfit. More Villanos will be coming soon, let me tell you.

Supreme(who is the top dropping star on this show. Wrestling star anyway since Mr. Warrior is an authority figure) says it doesn't matter how hard Mr. Warrior tries. He will not get his beloved 10 Minute Time Limit Title. It doesn't matter. He will Supremely retain once again. Mr. Warrior hasn't even bothered to tell Supreme his opponent and neither has Vance Russo.

43

Jack Victory vs Tommy Rogers.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Jack Victory hits Rogers. Rogers receives some punishment by Jack Victory but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Jack Victory hits Rogers. There's a two count on the pin. Jack Victory strikes Tommy Rogers with a hard blow. Covers for a quick two count. Rogers counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Victory takes a chop from Rogers. There's a two count on the pin. Back heel kick from Rogers on Victory but it misses by miles. Rogers drops an elbow...but Jack Victory moves out of the way. Side suplex from Victory. Jack Victory moves in for the kill. Piledriver!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:38

Crowd Reaction:38

Match Quality:49

Damn this show is sucking(more so than usual). I am trying to use cheaper workers but my PI is dropping at alarming rates. It is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't thinks.

And just when you think this should couldn't get any worse, Vance Russo comes out and says he has a new Chosen One. Ricky Morton comes out and he says that Vance Russo is nothing but a Yankee. Them's fighting words pal. Out comes....Prince Iaukea??? Prince attacks Ricky and it's on like Donkey Kong.

41

Ricky Morton vs Prince Iaukea.

Match Background: Prince is making his debut at this show.

The Match: Prince Iaukea uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Swan dive headbutt from Prince but without much elevation on the move. Swan dive headbutt from Prince but without much elevation on the move. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Ricky Morton takes a knee lift from Prince. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. There's a two count on the pin. Prince charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Prince takes a vertical suplex from Ricky Morton. Weak bodyslam by Morton. Prince ducks a wild right hand. Flying elbow off the top rope by Prince Iaukea, getting as close to zero air as possible. Prince Iaukea stuns Ricky Morton. Here it comes - Cross Body Block, forget about it. 1....2...3!

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:41

Match Quality:59

Best match of the show so far. Prince Iaukea is back in Wrestling. No longer the Artist, just some guy who will get pushed down your throats. Ricky Morton was the first victim of the Prince.

Once again the show reaches new lows as Mr. Warrior announces Supreme's opponent tonight. 1996 WWF Superstars Jobber, Alex "The Pug" Porteau.

50

Alex Porteau vs Supreme.

Match Background: Porteau is making his debut at this show. This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004.

The Match: Powerslam from Supreme on Porteau. Supreme floors Alex Porteau...and climbs the turnbuckles. Off the top - Mecca Toad Splash, forget about it. 1....2...3!

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

Overall:39

Crowd Reaction:36

Match Quality:52

There is something very intersting about the Match Background being longer than the actually match. Supreme is still the 10 Minute Time Limit Champion. See you on XPW Climax when the Posse face each other in a Three Way Posse Streetfight where the two men who lose, are out of the fed.

Overall:42

0.40 Rating for Tussels with Tassels.

madmatt2002 · August 29, 2003

XPW Climax for 2/11/04:

Orator kicks off the show. He says that all three XPW singles titles are on the line. Chris Chetti vs Supreme for the Television Title. Danny Doring vs Hardcore Homo Angel for the King of the Death Match Title. The Posse Explodes in a Three Way Greenwhich Streetfight for the XPW World Title. All that and a bag of chips. Also Lizzy Borden is at a Porn Star convention so she won't be here this week.

53

Danny Doring vs Hardcore Homo Angel.

Match Background: This will be a falls count anywhere bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Chair shot connects! Big piledriver on Angel. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hardcore Homo Angel is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Uninspired brawling from Hardcore Homo Angel. Big kick from Angel staggers Doring but that's about it. There's a two count on the pin. Hardcore Homo Angel slams Doring onto a trash can lid. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Angel slams Danny Doring down. Doring is sure in trouble now. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd. Elbow from Angel connects as they brawl on the outside. Covers for a quick two count. Right hand from Angelon the outside now. They wind up back in the squared circle. Danny Doring avoids a Hardcore Homo Angel avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Danny Doring hits a stalling suplex on Angel. Covers for a quick two count. Belly to belly off the top rope! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Hardcore Homo Angel takes a butterfly suplex from Doring. Slam into the table by Doring. Angel counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Doring tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Doring. Danny Doring is in trouble. Here it comes - Circumsizer. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: I'll give it a *3/4 rating. If you think of it like currency, it's a 1.75. You can't even take the subway with that anymore here. Work harder man.

Overall:62

Crowd Reaction:48

Match Quality:77

* 3/4 Rating. In this fed. That is like the Flair vs Steamboat compared to whatever happened on Tussels with Tassels last week(Worst....Show.....Ever). Angel retains the title. Can Supreme do the same against Chris Chetti right after this 30 second commericial break.

Chris Chetti vs Supreme.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW Television title. Supreme has been XPW Television champion since 18 January 2004.

The Match: Supreme strikes Chris Chetti. Big kick from Supreme staggers Chetti but that's about it. Hooks the leg for a two count. Chris Chetti pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Hard back suplex on Supreme. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Supreme walks into a high dropkick from Chris Chetti, almost losing several teeth in the process. Chris Chetti hits a rolling kick on Supreme. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Supreme elbows Chris Chetti in the face to break a hammerlock. Big clothesline from Supreme. Supreme floors Chris Chetti...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Mecca Toad Splash! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:64

Supreme will defend the 10 Minute Time Limit Title this week on Tussels with Tassels against Who. I am telling that he is defending the title against Who. No really Supreme is defending the title against Who. Screw it.

Joey Abs vs Pete Gas vs Rodney.

Match Background: This will be a Greenwhich Streetfight. This match is for the XPW World title. Joey Abs has been XPW World champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Rodney takes a weak kick. Joey Abs throws Gas into a shopping trolley. Rodney pushes out of a Joey Abs hold. BIG clothesline from Rodney. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Powerslam from Rodney on Gas. Hooks the leg for a two count. Abs DDTs Rodney. Pin, but Rodney is out just before the three count. Rodney avoids a Joey Abs avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Hip toss onto a chair by Rodney! Side suplex from Gas. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Rodney can barely stand. Gas Mask!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**.

Overall:36

Crowd Reaction:30

Match Quality:42

Pete Gas is the NEW XPW World Champion. He pinned Rodney so Rodney is out of the fed. It was the loser of the fall leaving XPW. (But I thought the two losing Posse Members were going to leave). Lizzy Borden is not going to be pleased with her personal fuck toy losing the title without being pinned.

Orator closes out the show. Next Week will have The Blindsiders facing Nothing But Gold for the XPW Tag Team Titles. Also Pete Gas defends his newly won XPW World Title against Horace Hogan. BNWO could walk out with all the gold next week on Climax.

Overall:38

0.87 Rating for Climax.

madmatt2002 · September 4, 2003

DDW Tussels with Tassels 2/14/04:

Mr. Warrior is playing solitaire in his office when Bob Holly comes in. Not Hardcore Holly. Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly. Holly said he wants a job with DDW. Warrior asks what qualifications does he have. Holly can do a dropkick and a jumping dropkick. Warrior refuses because there isn't a spot. However Alex Porteau and Freddie Joe Floyd walks into the office. This band of wrestlers try to attack Mr. Warrior black ninja style but Warrior fights them off. Mr. Warrior gives them a chance for a job. If they can defeated the Midnight Express and Alex Wright in a Six Man Tag Team Match.

61

Villano XIV and Villano XXX vs Masked Men.

Match Background: #1 is making his debut at this show. #2 is making his debut at this show. #1 and #2 are teaming up as Masked Men for the first time tonight.

The Match: Thrust kick from #2 is sold like death, although it clearly missed. That just hurts a match, really. Masked Man #2 hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Masked Man #2 and Masked Man #1. Masked Men whip Villano 14 into the corner. Masked Man #1 whips Masked Man #2 in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Villano XIV takes a right hand to the temple from #1. Hooks the leg for a two count. Wack kick from #1. Masked Man #1 gets taken down out of nowhere! Villano 14 face jams Masked Man #1. Villano 14 tags out to Villano XXX. Spin kick by Villano XXX to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. SUPER frankensteiner on #1, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Masked Man #1 is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. #1 tags out to Masked Man #2. Masked Man #2 scores with a face jam on Villano XXX. #2 DDTs Villano XXX. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Kick from #2, showing off an amazing arsenal. I sure hope there's more to it than that. Villano 30 pushes out of a Masked Man #2 hold. Flying reverse elbow by Villano XXX. Villano XXX floors Masked Man #2. Masked Man #2 gets locked in the Aki Armbar! Masked Man #2 goes limp! Villano IV quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Villano XIV goes to make the intercept...but is jumped at ringside by Villano V! Villano XXX turns around. Villano IV floors Villano 30. Villano IV signals - La Magistral! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Vil IV! Villanos are still in the ring doing a beat-down. Out from the crowd comes Villano XVIII! He has a chair! Villanos bail out of the ring as Villano 18 slides in to the squared circle, unwilling to taste the steel. Wait! As soon as Villano XVIII turns around, they slide back in and blindside him! They take the chair...and beat the heck out of Villano 18 with it! He has been laid out as well by the team of Villanos!

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

38

Crowd Reaction:20

Match Quality:57

(the REAL Villanos show up to dispute the phonies. It's an insant feud in the making. Maybe I should make all their short names, Villano. That's the ticket. The Masked Men are two men that have masks on.)

Mr. Warrior calls Nikita Koloff into his office. Nikita is not happy he didn't get to squash any stupid Americans last week and offers to put the Big Red and Yellow Title on the line. Warrior says that Koloff can defend against Flair. Does Koloff mean who he thinks it means? Yes he does.

48

1996 WWF Hell vs Bobby Eaton, Stan Lane, and Alex Wright.

Match Background: Holly is making his debut at this show. Floyd is making his debut at this show. He is a regular with IWAMS.

The Match: Floyd drives a HARD forearm into the chest of Sweet Stan. Sweet Stan tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Tag to Alex Porteau. Porteau suplexes Sweet Stan to the canvas and floats over. Porteau suplexes Stan Lane badly. Covers for a quick two count. Porteau tags out to Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly. Alex Porteau scoops up Sweet Stan. Holly bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Sweet Stan. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Sweet Stan reverses a Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly hammerlock. Stan Lane strikes Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly with a hard blow. Tag to Alex Wright. Alex Wright snap suplexes Holly HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Wright is now a bonifide HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Alex Wright nearly ends the career of Holly with a screwed up german suplex. GET AWAY FROM THE WRESTLING BUSINESS! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly walks into a chop to the pecs. Ouchy. Wright tags out to Bobby Eaton. Holly receives a spinning neckbreaker from Eaton. Bobby Eaton arm drags Holly over and locks on an armbar. Holly blocks a punch. Holly tags out to Freddie Joe Floyd. Vertical suplex by Freddie Joe Floyd. Tag to Stan Lane. Uninspired brawling from Stan Lane. Freddie Joe Floyd is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Stan Lane can barely stand. Swinging Neckbreaker!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*.

Overall:53

Crowd Reaction:46

Match Quality:60

Train wreck that match was. Alex Wright can't even do what was once his finisher right anyone. The 1996 WWF Superstars jobbers now get contracts.

Hardcore Homo Angel vs What.

Match Background: This will be a falls count anywhere bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title. Hardcore Homo Angel has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 07 January 2004.

The Match: Angel hits a snap suplex onto a chair on What. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy short range spear from Hardcore Homo Angel. There's a two count on the pin. What pushes out of a Hardcore Homo Angel hold. What hits a right hand on Hardcore Homo Angel. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd. What elevates and drops Hardcore Homo Angel onto the guard rail and plays to the crowd. Covers for a quick two count. What punches Angel on the outside. They wind up back in the squared circle. What rams Angel into a table. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Hardcore Homo Angel pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Sloppy short range spear from Hardcore Homo Angel. There's a two count on the pin. What fights out of a grapple. What scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Supreme comes running down the aisle with a chair! Angel and What continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Supreme slides in and prepares to swing the chair...but What moves! Supreme accidentally blasts Angel with a chair to the head! What throws Supreme out of the ring! What floors Hardcore Homo Angel...and climbs the turnbuckles. Through the air, Big Shot! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:52

Crowd Reaction:49

Match Quality:56

What is the NEW King of the Death Match Champion thanks to a miscue from Supreme. Supreme will defend his 10 Minute Time Limit Title against Who. Next.

Supreme vs Who.

Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004.

The Match: Supreme strikes away at Who, not doing much damage at all. Supreme strikes Who with a hard blow. There's a two count on the pin. Who reverses a waistlock. Weak slam from Who sets Supreme for something, but if it was as weak as that slam, then Supreme has no worries. Some pretty weak shots by Who. Punch by Who, missing Supreme COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatSupreme didn't sell it. Supreme avoids a Who avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Supreme hits a piledriver on Who. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Supreme floors Who...and climbs the turnbuckles. Mecca Toad Splash!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over.

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:49

Match Quality:39

Who didn't win the belt like What did. Maybe Who and What will be in line for an XPW Tag Team Title Shot, providing that Supreme and Angel get past the Blindsiders on Climax.

Here comes Flair. David Flair that is. He struts out for his Big Red and Yellow Title Shot.

50

David Flair vs Nikita Koloff.

Match Background: D.Flair is making his debut at this show. He is a regular with NWAW. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. Nikita Koloff has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 31 January 2004.

The Match: Nikita Koloff DDTs D.Flair in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that David Flair's head didn't touch the mat at all. Flapjack from Koloff on D.Flair. Flapjack from Koloff on D.Flair. Pin, but D.Flair is out just before the three count. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Koloff on D.Flair. Hooks the leg for a two count. David Flair reverses a hip toss. Koloff gets splashed in the corner. Big clothesline from D.Flair. Koloff counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Powerslam from Nikita Koloff on D.Flair. Nikita Koloff moves in for the kill. Russian Sickle!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:63

Match Quality:44

Koloff remains the champion as I just realize I have a PPV next Sunday. The PPV will be slapped together with chewing gum this week on Climax and next week at Tussels with Tassels.

Overall:51

0.36 Rating for Tussels with Tassels.

madmatt2002 · September 5, 2003

XPW Climax for 2/18/04:

Lizzy Borden is out. She is not too happy. She can't even go for two weeks without the fed being up in chaos. To review:Joey Abs lost the belt to Pete Gas, Hardcore Homo Angel lost the King of the Death Match Title against Who, and the Blindsiders have themselves a tag team title shot. She wants to address(as opposed to undress) the World Title. She says Horace Hogan will get his title shot tonight against Pete Gas but since neither is a good lay, Joey Abs will get the XPW Main Event slot at Warrior-Mania. Joey Abs vs the winner of that match. The first match is signed 5 days before the actual PPV.

31

Nothing But Gold get beat up the Blindsiders to turn them face, officially. Scotch Haul shocks Supreme with a tazer for good measure and Devin Nash almost tears his quad spitting on Angel(think about that one for a second). They have to fight in 15 seconds too.

48

Nothing But Gold vs Blindsiders.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles. Nothing But Gold have been XPW Tag Team champions since 14 January 2004.

The Match: Leg trip from Hardcore Homo Angel knocks the opponent down. Hardcore Homo Angel hits a right hand on Scotch Haul. There's a two count on the pin. Angel goes for a splash but Haul puts the knees up. Angel hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Scotch Haul hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Tag between Scotch Haul and Devin Nash. Nash slams Hardcore Homo Angel down. Angel is sure in trouble now. Angel blocks a punch. Tag between Hardcore Homo Angel and Supreme. Hardcore Homo Angel scoops up Nash. Supreme bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Big kick from Supreme staggers Nash but that's about it. Hooks the leg for a two count. Supreme hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Tag between Supreme and Hardcore Homo Angel. Sloppy discus punch from Hardcore Homo Angel barely connects on Nash. Pin, but Nash is out just before the three count. Nash backdrops Hardcore Homo Angel out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Devin Nash. Nash tags out to Scotch Haul. Haul slams Hardcore Homo Angel down. Angel is sure in trouble now. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Hardcore Homo Angel floors Haul, then signals for the Circumsizer. Meanwhile, Scotch Haul has something in his hands. Angel comes over...and gets nailed with a set of brass knuckles! The referee wakes up to see the pinfall: 1....2....3! It's over.

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities.

Overall:49

Crowd Reaction:39

Match Quality:59

New Champions. Angel is not too happy. Supreme says that they still have their...oh wait Angel lost the Deathmatch Title on the last Tussels with Tassels. Don't Worry, Supreme still has two belts. This does not cheer Angel up. Smell the drama.

Lizzy gives Nothing but Gold their automatic rematch at Warrior-Mania. That's two matches. TWO. Only five days before the PPV. Blindsiders defend their newly won tag team titles against Nothing But Gold.

31

Pete Gas vs Horace Hogan.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW World title. Pete Gas has been XPW World champion since 11 February 2004.

The Match: Horace Hogan strikes Pete Gas. Powerslam from Horace Hogan on Gas. There's a two count on the pin. Gas powers out of a headlock. Pete Gas punches away at Horace Hogan only to get the tides turned quickly. Punch by Gas, missing Horace COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatHorace didn't sell it. BIG clothesline from Gas. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! BIG clothesline from Gas. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Pete Gas misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Big clothesline from Horace. Horace Hogan DDTs Gas, but it just looked terrible. Horace Hogan gets taken down out of nowhere! Joey Abs just slid into the ring out of nowhere! Pete Gas gets grabbed, and they start brawling. Horace takes some shots at Gas as well. The referee, seeing the chaos, calls for a no contest ruling. We have a three-way stand off in the ring, as Pete Gas, Horace Hogan and Joey Abs look at each other. They all charge forward, and a three-way brawl erupts in the ring! Security and a pile of referees hit the ring to stop the carnage.

My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**.

Overall:39

Crowd Reaction:38

Match Quality:41

The only thing to note is there will be a THREE Way for the XPW Title THIS Sunday only ON PPV. Warrior-MANIA. Don't MISS it. One more show before the PPV.

Overall:27

0.81 Rating for Climax.

madmatt2002 · September 7, 2003

Tussels with Tassels 2/21/03:

Mr. Warrior comes out and says that tonight their will be a 10 Man Battle Royal to determine one of the challengers for the World Title held by Nikita Koloff for tommorow night. Also tommorow night 2 Bad Mothertruckers defend the tag team titles against Alex Porteau and Freddie Joe Floyd. Crickets chirp. Let's get down to that Number Two Contender Battle Royal.

44

10 Man Battle Royal.

Match Background: What is the reigning XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion, and has been since 14 February 2004. Hacksaw Bradshaw is the reigning United States champion, and has been since 03 December 2003.

The Match: Underfaker hits a right hand on Robert Gibson and follows it up with a couple more. Weak bodyslam on Gibson by Underfaker sets up a legdrop. Hacksaw Bradshaw hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Bradshaw threw Vader over the top rope, but Vader skinned the cat to save himself! Big kick from Holly staggers Jannetty but that's about it. Marty Jannetty takes a right hand to the temple from Holly. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Gibson receives some punishment by Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Robert Gibson got eliminated by Holly. (Elimination # 1) Morton hits a soaring kick on Ahmed. Morton went for the elimination, but Ahmed Johnson held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Weak bodyslam on Underfaker by Holly sets up a legdrop. Underfaker was eliminated by Holly. (Elimination # 2) Ahmed Johnson punches away at Alex Wright only to get the tides turned quickly. Alex Wright got eliminated by Ahmed. (Elimination # 3) Hacksaw Bradshaw punches away at Marty Jannetty. Marty Jannetty got bundled out by Bradshaw. (Elimination # 4) BORING ass brawling from Ahmed. Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly got eliminated by Ahmed. (Elimination # 5) Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Ahmed Johnson by Vader. Remember when that was a legit finish? Vader tried to eliminate Ahmed Johnson, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! What hits a right hand on Ricky Morton and follows it up with a couple more. Ricky Morton got bundled out by What. (Elimination # 6) Vader takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Bradshaw threw Vader over the top rope, but Vader skinned the cat to save himself! What strikes Vader. What went for the elimination, but Vader held on to the ropes at the last possible second! What hits a piledriver on Ahmed Johnson. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. What went for the elimination, but Ahmed Johnson held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Running clothesline from What was actually MIGHTY sloppy. What threw Vader over the top rope, but Vader skinned the cat to save himself! A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Ahmed on Vader. Ahmed tried to eliminate Vader, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Powerslam from Hacksaw Bradshaw on Vader. Bradshaw tried to eliminate Vader, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! What hits a right hand on Ahmed Johnson. What went for the elimination, but Ahmed Johnson held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Vader slams Hacksaw Bradshaw. Vader threw Hacksaw Bradshaw all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one. (Elimination # 7) Vader connects with rights and lefts and What is down! What got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Vader. (Elimination # 8) Ahmed Johnson punches away at Vader only to get the tides turned quickly. Ahmed Johnson punches away at Vader. Vader can barely stand. Pearl River Plunge! Ahmed threw Vader all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one.

My Opinion: CRAPTASTIC~! -**.

Overall:44

Crowd Reaction:55

Match Quality:36

Ahmed Johnson will face Nikita Koloff and the Number One Contender(who shall be revealed later on tonight) for the DDW World Title at Warrior Mania tommorow night. I had no less than FOUR people complain about Ahmed winning. Such is life.

Mr. Warrior stirs the pot with Angel and Supreme by making them face each other for the 10 Minute Time Limit Title tonight.

53

Hardcore Homo Angel vs Supreme.

Match Background: This match is for the 10 Minute Time Limit title. Supreme is the reigning XPW Television champion, and has been since 18 January 2004. Supreme has been 10 Minute Time Limit champion since 10 January 2004.

The Match: Angel suplexes Supreme to the canvas and picks the opponent back up again. Supreme hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Big kick from Angel staggers Supreme but that's about it. Supreme takes a right hand to the temple from Angel. Supreme elbows Hardcore Homo Angel in the face to break a hammerlock. Hardcore Homo Angel takes a right hand to the temple from Supreme. Supreme hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Angel blocks a kick from Supreme. Big clothesline from Angel. There's a two count on the pin. Hardcore Homo Angel turns Supreme inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Supreme elbows Hardcore Homo Angel in the face to break a hammerlock. Supreme strikes Hardcore Homo Angel. Angel kicks Supreme in the gut to reverse the momentum. Supreme takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. The referee tries to separate the two grapplers...and gets knocked over and trampled on as they brawl! That's enough, the referee calls for the bell - double DQ! The fight has started up again! Hardcore Homo Angel attacks Supreme, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting.

My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD.

Overall:43

Crowd Reaction:36

Match Quality:61

In-Fighting between Supreme and Angel, which is NOT good going into this Sunday. The Blindsiders will defend the XPW Tag Team Titles against Nothing but Gold. Sunday. Order the PPV now.

Villano XVIII vs Villano IV.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Back heel kick from Vil IV on Villano 18 but it misses by miles. Vil IV face jams Villano XVIII. Villano IV with an enziguri. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Vil IV hits a spinning back kick. All those spinning kicks look alike, don't they. Hooks the leg for a two count. Villano IV misses a clothesline. Villano IV takes a knee lift from Villano 18. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. Villano XVIII hits a shitty missile dropkick on Vil IV. Vil IV blocks a punch. Villano IV uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Villano XVIII can barely stand. DDT! 1....2....3.

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

Overall:38

Crowd Reaction:25

Match Quality:61

All the Villanos will battle each other this Sunday in a 3 on 2 Handicap Match. Villano XIV, XVIII. and XXX will face IV and V. Villano IV pins Villano XVIII tonight.

Nikita Koloff says he will be that filthy mush mouth American Ahmed Johnson and whomever else he has to face at Warrior Mania.

67

Alex Porteau vs Barry Horowitz.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Barry Horowitz walks into a chop. That must have hurt. Horowitz receives a spinning neckbreaker from Porteau. Barry Horowitz walks into a chop. That must have hurt. Hooks the leg for a two count. Double leg takedown from Alex Porteau sets up a ground and pound in the middle of the ring. What the hell is this, UFC? Covers for a quick two count. Horowitz counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Barry Horowitz punches away at Alex Porteau only to get the tides turned quickly. There's a two count on the pin. Barry Horowitz DDTs Porteau in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Alex Porteau's head didn't touch the mat at all. Barry Horowitz gets taken down out of nowhere! Chin crusher by Alex Porteau, the execution wasn't great though. I'd like to see a good Chin Crusher, that just sounds devastating. Alex Porteau moves in for the kill. Powerslam!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP.

Overall:36

Crowd Reaction:31

Match Quality:50

Porteau pins Horowitz to set up 1996 WWF Hell vs Two Bad Mothertruckers at the PPV.

Mr. Warrior is on the big screen and he says the Number One Contender will come out shortly. Music kicks up and out runs....THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR. He shakes the ropes. Mr. Warrior is still on the big screen. This Sunday Ahmed, Koloff, and the Ultimate Warrior for the championship of the world.

63

Overall:50

0.38 Rating for T with T.

Warrior Mania Card:

DDW World Title Match:

XPW World Title Match:

XPW Tag Team Title Match:

DDW Tag Team Title Match:

Freddie Joe Floyd and Alex Porteau vs Two Bad Mothertruckers.

When Villanos Collide:

Los Villanos Original(IV and V) vs Los Villanos New(XIV, XVIII, and XXX)

Plus Unification Fun:

DDW Hardcore Title vs XPW King of the Death Match Title Unification Match:

Brian Knobbs(DDW Hardcore) vs What(XPW KOTDM)

XPW Tag Team Title Match Winner vs DDW Tag Team Title Winner(Unification)

Main Event:

XPW World Title Winner vs DDW World Title Winner Unification.

The Invasion ends after this PPV. Don't expect it to ever be mentioned again after this show.

madmatt2002 · September 9, 2003

DDW Warrior-Mania for 2/22/03:

Horace Hogan vs Joey Abs vs Pete Gas.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. This match is for the XPW World title. Pete Gas has been XPW World champion since 11 February 2004.

The Match: Gas receives some punishment by Horace Hogan but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Joey Abs throws Horace into a shopping trolley. Gas backdrops Joey Abs out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Pete Gas. BIG clothesline from Gas. 'BIG' because it missed by a mile! Pete Gas DDTs Horace in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Horace Hogan's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Flapjack from Abs on Gas. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Gas flips out of a Joey Abs bodyslam attempt. Frying pan shot by Gas. Side suplex from Horace. Pete Gas can barely stand. Here it comes - Lariat. 1....2...3, it's finished.

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:37

Crowd Reaction:36

Match Quality:48

(We kick off the night that may rival King of the Ring 1995 for sheer suckiness. Just wait until you see the "special" unadvertised main event and the stipulation for the World Unification Match. Horace Hogan picks up the XPW World Title as this promotion continues to go down the crapper)

Ahmed Johnson vs Mr. Warrior vs Nikita Koloff.

Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title. Nikita Koloff has been Big Red and Yellow champion since 31 January 2004.

The Match: Nikita Koloff hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Ahmed Johnson is able to block them and return the favor in spades. Nikita Koloff hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Mr. Warrior is able to block them and return the favor in spades. Ahmed reverses a waistlock. Ahmed Johnson hits a BIG clothesline for two! Warrior hits a stump piledriver on Ahmed Johnson. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Boring brawling from Nikita Koloff is the cure for insomnia. Warrior counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Ahmed \ Warrior whip Koloff into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Ahmed Johnson knocks Koloff down to the canvas with a clothesline. Mr. Warrior punches away at Ahmed Johnson only to get the tides turned quickly. Ahmed Johnson fights out of a grapple. Koloff takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Nikita Koloff can barely stand. Pearl River Plunge!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

My Opinion: That was just BRUTAL to watch. -**

Overall:39

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:33

(Ahmed Johnson picks up the Big Red and Yellow Title. He will face Horace Hogan in a unification match which will have a very special stipulation. More crappy wrestling now)

Alex Porteau and Freddie Joe Floyd vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers.

Match Background: This match is for the Red and Yellow Tag titles. 2 Bad Mothertruckers have been Red and Yellow Tag champions since 31 December 2003.

The Match: Horowitz receives a spinning neckbreaker from Porteau. Porteau just FLATTENS Barry Horowitz with a hard right hand! Covers for a quick two count. Porteau drops an elbow...but Barry Horowitz moves out of the way. Some pretty weak shots by Horowitz. Powerslam from Barry Horowitz on Porteau. Horowitz tags out to Maxx Payne. Maxx Payne with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Porteau. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Porteau blocks a kick from Maxx Payne. Tag to Freddie Joe Floyd. Porteau \ Floyd whip Payne into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Big dropkick by Freddie Joe Floyd, who got a ton of air on the move. Covers for a quick two count. Massive back suplex! Maxx Payne got snapped in half, but not literally because that would just end the match now wouldn't it. Tag to Alex Porteau. Alex Porteau nearly ends the career of Payne with a screwed up german suplex. GET AWAY FROM THE WRESTLING BUSINESS! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Porteau charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Payne tags out to Barry Horowitz. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Horowitz on Porteau. Alex Porteau is in big trouble...Glass Ceiling!! 1....2....3!

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

Overall:38

Crowd Reaction:35

Match Rating:51

(Ouch. Two Bad Mothertruckers are one half of the tag team title unification match. Who is the other half. TUNE INTO NITRO TO FIND OUT. Oh wait. Wrong line)

Nothing But Gold vs Blindsiders.

Match Background: This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles. Blindsiders have been XPW Tag Team champions since 18 February 2004.

The Match: Weak bodyslam on Supreme by Haul sets up a legdrop. Supreme powers out of a Scotch Haul headlock. Weak bodyslam on Haul by Supreme sets up a legdrop. Tag to Hardcore Homo Angel. Running clothesline from Hardcore Homo Angel was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Haul takes a vertical suplex from Hardcore Homo Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Scotch Haul hits a right hand on Hardcore Homo Angel. Haul tags out to Devin Nash. Uninspired brawling from Devin Nash. Weak bodyslam on Angel by Nash sets up a legdrop. Devin Nash gets taken down out of nowhere! Devin Nash takes a right hand to the temple from Angel. Tag to Supreme. Supreme turns Nash inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Devin Nash takes a right hand to the temple from Supreme. Devin Nash is in big trouble...Double Flatliner!! 1....2....3!

My Opinion: -*. That's right. NEGATIVE ONE STAR. That's what you get for this CRAP.

Overall:38

Crowd Reaction:39

Match Quality:48

(The point of putting the belts on the Blindsiders was....I have no clue. Two Bad Mothertruckers will face Nothing But Gold in the unification match inside the confines of a steel cage. This will probally be the match for not. Either that or the battle of the Villanos)

Brian Knobbs vs What.

Match Background: This will be a texas death bout. This match is for the XPW King Of The Deathmatch title and Hardcore Title. What has been XPW King Of The Deathmatch champion since 14 February 2004.

The Match: What takes a weak kick. Brian Knobbs smashes a Playstation console over the head of What. Should have used an X-Box, they're much bigger. Some pretty weak shots by Knobbs. Pin, but What is out just before the three count. Big forearm by Knobbs draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. ONE...TWO...THREE. Knobbs defeats What. The referee is counting: 5....6....What is back up. What avoids a Brian Knobbs avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Brian Knobbs takes a right hand to the temple from What. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Cover gets three for What, Knobbs got pinned. The referee gets to a five count....and Brian Knobbs gets back up. What hits a piledriver on Brian Knobbs. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. What gets taken down out of nowhere! Brian Knobbs knocks What down to the canvas with a clothesline. What is in trouble. Powerslam! 1....2....3. The referee counts to 10, this match is over!

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

Overall:50

Crowd Reaction:58

Match Quality:52

(The Boy. The Boy. The Nasty Boy walks out with both the KODM Title and the Hardcore Title. Brian Knobbs should be a good undisputed Hardcore Champion, providing this fed doesn't go bankrupt because of this show)

Villanos vs Villano XIV, Villano XVIII, and Villano XXX.

Match Background: This will be a 3 on 2 handicap bout.

The Match: Villano 30 hits a dropkick on Villano V and gets right back up. Vil V takes a flying neckbreaker from Villano XXX. Vil V powers out of a headlock. Slingshot clothesline by Vil V, who almost messed it up by slipping on the ropes. Tag to Villano XVIII. Weak kicks from Vil V, who is moving slug-like...or should I say Nash-like? Villano V uses a running dropkick into the corner. Hooks the leg for a two count. Villano 18 blocks a punch. Villano 18 tags out to Villano XIV. Villano 14 \ Villano 18 whip Vil V into the corner. Villano XIV whips Villano XVIII in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Villano V gets hip tossed by Villano 14. Villano 14 hits a soaring kick on Vil V. Hooks the leg for a two count. Flying elbow off the top rope by Villano XIV, getting as close to zero air as possible. Pin, but Vil V is out just before the three count. Villano XIV with an enziguri! HBK isn't moving...uh oh. Oh, sorry, I had a flashback to the last time I got fooled. Pin, but Vil V is out just before the three count. Tag to Villano XVIII. Villano XVIII scoops up Vil V. Villano 14 bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Hooks the leg for a two count. Vil V takes a chop from Villano 18. Vil V reverses a Villano XVIII hammerlock. Vil V tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Villano XVIII. Tag to Villano IV. Villanos hook up Villano 18, then hit a double suplex. Badly executed second rope splash by Vil IV. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Villano XXX. Villano 30 takes a chop from Vil IV. Vil IV tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Villano XXX. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Villano 30 flips out of a Villano IV bodyslam attempt. Villano 30 tags out to Villano XIV. Villano 30 \ Villano 14 whip Vil IV into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Villano IV takes a knee lift from Villano 14. *sigh* Running knee lifts always remind me of the late Curt Hennig. Covers for a quick two count. Villano 14 tags out to Villano XVIII. Villano XVIII uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Villano XVIII with an enziguri. Vil IV backdrops Villano XVIII out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Villano IV. Flying knee to the face from Villano IV. For the record it was more of a Rusty Wizard than a Shining one. Villano XVIII gets knocked to the ground by Vil IV. La Magistral!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over.

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

Overall:36

Crowd Reaction:24

Match Quality:58

The Real Villanos win this Dud Fest. Several high impact moves and the Magistral Cradle finishes?? This is actually Flair-Steamboat compared to the rest of this fed. Sad but true. Let's get to some more unification shall we)

Nothing But Gold vs 2 Bad Mothertruckers.

Match Background: This will be a cage bout. This match is for the XPW Tag Team titles and Tag Team Titles.

The Match: Nothing But Gold whip Horowitz into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Payne gets splashed in the corner. Horowitz blocks a punch. Barry Horowitz launches Supreme into the cage wall. Payne slams Hardcore Homo Angel down. Angel is sure in trouble now. Maxx Payne throws Angel into the cage. Payne walks into a drop toe hold. Supreme DDTs Horowitz, but it just looked terrible. Barry Horowitz is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Barry Horowitz has Supreme down on the canvas. Horowitzer!!! Maxx Payne floors Hardcore Homo Angel. Hardcore Homo Angel gets locked in the Payne Killer! Hardcore Homo Angel goes limp! 2 Bad Mothertruckers escape the cage for the win.

My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**.

Overall:36

Crowd Reaction:42

Match Quality:39

Two Bad Mothertruckers are the Undisputed Tag Team Champions of the WORLD. Barry Horowitz hold not one, but two belts is surreal.

The next match will be an Iron Man Match:

Ahmed Johnson vs Horace Hogan.

Match Background: This will be an iron man bout. This match is for the Big Red and Yellow title and the XPW World Title.

The Match: FIRST FALL: Ahmed Johnson takes a right hand to the temple from Horace. Horace Hogan hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Hooks the leg for a two count. Ahmed blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Ahmed Johnson connects on Horace Hogan with a flurry in the corner...but no one seems to care. Punch by Ahmed, missing Horace COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatHorace didn't sell it. Covers for a quick two count. Sloppy discus punch from Ahmed Johnson barely connects on Horace. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Boring brawling from Ahmed Johnson is the cure for insomnia. Horace Hogan is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Powerslam from Horace Hogan on Ahmed. There's a two count on the pin. Horace Hogan scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Big kick from Horace staggers Ahmed but that's about it. Ahmed Johnson takes a right hand to the temple from Horace. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Ahmed Johnson once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Ahmed Johnson strikes Horace Hogan. Side suplex from Ahmed. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Cover gets three for Ahmed Johnson, Horace got pinned. SECOND FALL: Weak kick from Ahmed. I am unpleased. BORING ass brawling from Ahmed. Big forearm by Ahmed draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Punch by Ahmed, missing Horace COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatHorace didn't sell it. Ahmed Johnson gets taken down out of nowhere! Big kick from Horace staggers Ahmed but that's about it. Horace Hogan hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Covers for a quick two count. Ahmed Johnson avoids a Horace Hogan avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Ahmed Johnson DDTs Horace in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Horace Hogan's head didn't touch the mat at all. Covers for a quick two count. Side suplex from Ahmed. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Horace Hogan is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Weak bodyslam by Horace. Cover gets three for Horace Hogan, Ahmed got pinned. THIRD FALL: Ahmed Johnson punches away at Horace Hogan only to get the tides turned quickly. Horace blocks a kick from Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed receives some punishment by Horace Hogan but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Horace Hogan scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's no one to count for Horace Hogan! Ahmed Johnson is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Punch by Ahmed, missing Horace COMPLETELY. I'm just glad thatHorace didn't sell it. Powerslam from Ahmed Johnson on Horace. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy discus punch from Ahmed Johnson barely connects on Horace. Pin, but Horace is out just before the three count. Ahmed goes for a splash but Horace puts the knees up. Horace Hogan hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Horace walks into a drop toe hold. Horace Hogan is in trouble. Pearl River Plunge! 1....2....3. END OF BOUT.

My Opinion: Hot pokers would be a little too nice to the booking committee for subjecting me to this bile -**.

Overall:27

Crowd Reaction:30

Match Quality:32

These two let me down. I want -*****. Well Ahmed is the Undisputed Champion of the World. We have time left on the PPV. XPW is good and dead but let's rub the final bit of salt in the wounds. Lizzy Borden vs Mr. Warrior for control of the company with Giant Gonzales as the referee. Yes you heard that right.

Lizzy Borden vs Mr. Warrior.

Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Giant Gonzales will be the referee for this match.

The Match: Mr. Warrior punches away at Lizzy Borden only to get the tides turned quickly. Big forearm by Warrior draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Hooks the leg for a two count. Borden powers out of a headlock. Lizzy Borden punches away at Mr. Warrior. Mr. Warrior gets hip tossed by Borden and follows it up with two more. Dropkick from Borden results in the front row looking for Warrior's teeth!Mr. Warrior powers out of a Lizzy Borden headlock. Mr. Warrior hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. Lizzy Borden is in control. Giant Gonzales comes up behind...low blow! Borden collapses to the floor. Mr. Warrior takes the advantage. Mr. Warrior has Lizzy Borden down on the canvas. Here it comes - Gorilla Press and Splash, forget about it. 1....2...3! Giant Gonzales nails an unsuspecting Borden with a forearm to the face. Giant Gonzales floors Lizzy Borden. Chokey Thing!!! Lizzy Borden goes limp! Giant Gonzales leaves Borden down on the canvas, hurt.

My Opinion: -****. What? You've never seen a negative four star match before? That's funny, cuz you just booked it. Don't EVER do that again!

Overall:19

Crowd Reaction:25

Match Quality:18

Cream of the crap that match ruled. That was what wrestling is all about. Lizzy Borden and her XPW people are gone. Except for Supreme, who is the Unified Television Champion. They are gone. What? Fired. What? Dissapeared. What? See Ya.

Overall:31

0.28 Buy Rate for Warrior-Mania.

Richard · October 4, 2003

BUMP

Pro Wrestling Hogan:The Revival

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