The TSM Troll Field Guide

[The Czech Republic 0]

Trolls. Every board has them. But some seem to have more than others. We are stricken with a sizable amount of those of the bridge-dwelling persuasion. As a service to the newer posters, I would like to help you spot a troll, or prevent you from becoming one.

 

TYPES OF TROLLS

 

1) The Prime Troll (numericus harassicus) is an interesting foe. He preys on those who foolishly leave their SN in their profile. Once he spots his target, he will attempt to lure his victim with small talk, before asking "28-32 is prime, 33+ you decline, do you acknowledge this." If you say yes, he will leave you alone. If you say no, he will trap you into a lengthy time and energy-wasting debate. The Field Guide advises you to say neither yes no no, but simply nothing, so that he just yells "NO SELL."

 

2) The Brain Troll (oxymoronicus pesticus) is a curious specimen. This troll is apparently from another board. The Field Guide forgot which one. (DDT?) His main line of attack is evidently to be flagrantly stupid and annoying. The Brain Troll is often banned, and a minor threat.

 

3) The Prince Paul Troll (poeticus decepticus) is quite hard to deal with. This once-normal creature joined the dark side at some point. The PPT likes to enter as a beign new poster, and when nobody is suspecting it and all larger predators such as Dames and Dr. Tom are not lurking, he will unleash his attack, and in the style of Final Fantasy monsters, "reveal his TRUE form," by suddenly writing "PRINCE PAUL RULES ALL READ POETRY FUCKTARDS." Soon, the troll is dealt with, only for him to incessantly return until a flagrant error causes everyone to lose their posts.

 

4) The Psuedo-Troll (insipidus normalis) may be the most insidious enemy of all. This species is the widest to be found. The Psuedo-Troll is not really a troll at all, the same way a peanut is not truly a nut. Or a pea. The Pseudo-Troll is one who will contribute nothing of any merit to the conversations at hand. The Psuedo-Troll is often capable of providing even more mind-boggling stupidity than a legitimate troll, however, the Pseudo-Troll never commits a bannable offense. Several of these psuedo-trolls have a penchant for using one smiley over and over ( ) and just generally saying nothing, while some use every freaking smiley in existence ( ) and scare off female posters. The mating call of the Psuedo-Troll is "+1."

 

5) The Contra-Pseudo Troll (bankicus multinamicus) is a strange variation on the abovestated: while the Pseudo-Troll is a normal poster that everyone thinks is a troll, the CPT is a troll that everyone thinks is a normal poster. This troll is somehow popular, and has been dealt with in troll-apropos (and we're not talking farm implements) fashion previously, but certain genial actions granted a revocation. The Field Guide is constantly baffled by the CPT.

 

6) The Educated Troll (animalia subliminalis) lurks, and then comes in with trolling, but done in a grammatically clean, often funny fashion. However, his satirical actions often raise the ire of some. Educated trolls have been banned before, though it often takes more to do so.

 

7) The TCR Troll (postwhoreicus bohemius) is a pest as well. This specific troll likes to create words that are pure nonsense and act as if he is a clever guy. This could not be further from the truth. The TCR Troll can take any legitimate topic off course with his charming smile and rapier-sharp wit. This troll, bespectacled in his trusty emo glasses, inflates his post count in OAORaw threads, and is often seen gallivanting around in the Site Feedback folder, making insipid requests. The Field Guide suggesting avoiding this troll.

 

The Field Guide welcomes more contributions.

[Guest The Old Me]

This seems like an OK guide for beginners to trolling. Actually, it seems more like a "how to" guide, if anything.

[alfdogg 0]

( ) and scare off female posters. The mating call of the Psuedo-Troll is "+1."

You forgot

[Lightning Flik 0]

(                               ) and scare off female posters. The mating call of the Psuedo-Troll is "+1."

You forgot

And of course this:

[Fökai 0]

You forgot

It's pathetic when we can associate a troll by his Smiley of Choice - in this case, being DJ Jeff.

 

Tell me, who be 'dis?

[Guest The Old Me]

You forgot 

It's pathetic when we can associate a troll by his Smiley of Choice ™ - in this case, being DJ Jeff.

 

Tell me, who be 'dis?

Someone was always using that ninja just recently...Rico I think. After EVERY post.

[Fökai 0]

DING. DING. AND DING.

 

[The Czech Republic 0]

I just noticed something really weird. Whenever hardly anyone else is reading a thread besides me, the only other person is ALWAYS R2DFooster McSockman. INVARIABLY.

[The Czech Republic 0]

DING. DING. AND DING.

 

You're an asshole so fuck you. The PPV artwork NEVER lies!

 

 

Anyhoo, I think all the members of insipidus normalis are:

 

Cutthroat

DJ Jeff

Rico Constantino

DARRYLXWF(debatable)

[Boner Kawanger 0]

1) The Prime Troll (numericus harassicus) is an interesting foe. He preys on those who foolishly leave their SN in their profile. Once he spots his target, he will attempt to lure his victim with small talk, before asking "28-32 is prime, 33+ you decline, do you acknowledge this." If you say yes, he will leave you alone. If you say no, he will trap you into a lengthy time and energy-wasting debate. The Field Guide advises you to say neither yes no no, but simply nothing, so that he just yells "NO SELL."

I believe I bested him by bombarding him with questions. Most recently I asked if Dracula and Frankenstein's monster had another prime since they were undead.

 

And why is it when I call the "Ninja Smiley", I had about four people jump up my ass to DEFEND the damn thing?

[Guest JudasSault]

which one am I?

 

(not that I'm a troll Dames...)

[Nevermortal 0]

(                                ) and scare off female posters. The mating call of the Psuedo-Troll is "+1."

You forgot

And of course this:

And seriously, lets not forget this.

 

[The Czech Republic 0]

which one am I?

 

(not that I'm a troll Dames...)

gimmickus bighairicus

 

I think that all our subtitles should be Linnean-system species names.

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

which one am I?

 

(not that I'm a troll Dames...)

gimmickus bighairicus

 

I think that all our subtitles should be Linnean-system species names.

Sorry bout being pedantic but linnean names have the first word capitalized but the second one not. So JudasSault would be Gimmickus bighairicus.

 

I'm really sad, aren't I?

[The Czech Republic 0]

which one am I?

 

(not that I'm a troll Dames...)

gimmickus bighairicus

 

I think that all our subtitles should be Linnean-system species names.

Sorry bout being pedantic but linnean names have the first word capitalized but the second one not. So JudasSault would be Gimmickus bighairicus.

 

I'm really sad, aren't I?

No, it is I who is sad, for making such a vast oversight.

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Brain was from DDT.

 

Nice job on the guide.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

I think the most disturbing part of this entire thread was that damned dancing smile thing Nevermortal posted.

 

Not that it's disturbing in and of itself, but it IS disturbing when you're listening to WASP and the damned thing is actually going with the beat...

[Nevermortal 0]

I think the most disturbing part of this entire thread was that damned dancing smile thing Nevermortal posted.

 

Not that it's disturbing in and of itself, but it IS disturbing when you're listening to WASP and the damned thing is actually going with the beat...

That thing's fucken wacky, eh?

[Guest Vitamin X]

4) The Psuedo-Troll (insipidus normalis) may be the most insidious enemy of all. This species is the widest to be found. The Psuedo-Troll is not really a troll at all, the same way a peanut is not truly a nut. Or a pea. The Pseudo-Troll is one who will contribute nothing of any merit to the conversations at hand. The Psuedo-Troll is often capable of providing even more mind-boggling stupidity than a legitimate troll, however, the Pseudo-Troll never commits a bannable offense. Several of these psuedo-trolls have a penchant for using one smiley over and over ( ) and just generally saying nothing, while some use every freaking smiley in existence ( ) and scare off female posters. The mating call of the Psuedo-Troll is "+1."

 

5) The Contra-Pseudo Troll (bankicus multinamicus) is a strange variation on the abovestated: while the Pseudo-Troll is a normal poster that everyone thinks is a troll, the CPT is a troll that everyone thinks is a normal poster. This troll is somehow popular, and has been dealt with in troll-apropos (and we're not talking farm implements) fashion previously, but certain genial actions granted a revocation. The Field Guide is constantly baffled by the CPT.

 

6) The Educated Troll (animalia subliminalis) lurks, and then comes in with trolling, but done in a grammatically clean, often funny fashion. However, his satirical actions often raise the ire of some. Educated trolls have been banned before, though it often takes more to do so.

I know Pseudo Troll is specified as Rico or Johnson, but I'm curious as to who the other two are...

 

I know RRR's gotta be one.....

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

4) The Psuedo-Troll (insipidus normalis) may be the most insidious enemy of all. This species is the widest to be found. The Psuedo-Troll is not really a troll at all, the same way a peanut is not truly a nut. Or a pea. The Pseudo-Troll is one who will contribute nothing of any merit to the conversations at hand. The Psuedo-Troll is often capable of providing even more mind-boggling stupidity than a legitimate troll, however, the Pseudo-Troll never commits a bannable offense. Several of these psuedo-trolls have a penchant for using one smiley over and over ( ) and just generally saying nothing, while some use every freaking smiley in existence (                               ) and scare off female posters. The mating call of the Psuedo-Troll is "+1."

 

5) The Contra-Pseudo Troll (bankicus multinamicus) is a strange variation on the abovestated: while the Pseudo-Troll is a normal poster that everyone thinks is a troll, the CPT is a troll that everyone thinks is a normal poster. This troll is somehow popular, and has been dealt with in troll-apropos (and we're not talking farm implements) fashion previously, but certain genial actions granted a revocation. The Field Guide is constantly baffled by the CPT.

 

6) The Educated Troll (animalia subliminalis) lurks, and then comes in with trolling, but done in a grammatically clean, often funny fashion. However, his satirical actions often raise the ire of some. Educated trolls have been banned before, though it often takes more to do so.

I know Pseudo Troll is specified as Rico or Johnson, but I'm curious as to who the other two are...

 

I know RRR's gotta be one.....

5 = Banky

 

6 = Subliminal Animal.

 

It's all in the names...

[EL BRUJ0 0]

This is a travesty of a joke of Troll Field Guide!

 

It doesn't give any stats, Armor Class, Hit Points, or alignment for any of the trolls. I want my money back!

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

This is a travesty of a joke of Troll Field Guide!

 

It doesn't give any stats, Armor Class, Hit Points, or alignment for any of the trolls. I want my money back!

And when you get you do, use it to get yourself a nice shiny life...

[Guest The Winter Of My Discontent]

That #5 sounds like a winner.

 

*props*

[Guest The Old Me]

You'd think more of the trolls besides ^ would come out and play in this thread.

[Guest JacK]

lol chave that's GOLD! Kenny Banyon from Seinfeld GOLD!

 

On a related not, call me stupid, ignorant, dumass, whatever; but what is a troll? Besides a green bridge-dwelling type folk often found in those stupid dice-rollering games.

[Guest The Old Me]

lol chave that's GOLD! Kenny Banyon from Seinfeld GOLD!

 

On a related not, call me stupid, ignorant, dumass, whatever; but what is a troll? Besides a green bridge-dwelling type folk often found in those stupid dice-rollering games.

See Rico, Subliminal or Banky.

[Guest Crucifixio Jones]

*wonders what type of troll he is since WDI considers him one*

[Guest The Old Me]

^Just an SNKT shill troll?

[Guest The Winter Of My Discontent]

Quit trying to cop our heat.

[The Czech Republic 0]

This is a travesty of a joke of Troll Field Guide!

 

It doesn't give any stats, Armor Class, Hit Points, or alignment for any of the trolls. I want my money back!

The TCR Troll has 4356 HP and 508 MP. He's weak against fire-elemental attacks, takes half damage against gravity-elemental, neutral against holy-elemental, and absorbs HP from ice-elemental. He is found in grass terrains, and usually has a Wyvern in battle with him.