WWF Battle Royal At The Albert Hall

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WWF BATTLE ROYAL AT THE ALBERT HALL

 

This is essentially an attempt by the WWF to justify to “World” part of their name, as this was taken from the WWF European Rampage tour (or so says the box). I don’t know how easy this little beauty is to find, as a friend of mine brought this to my house once and never took it back with him, which I think pretty much indicates it’s quality straight away.

 

We kick off proceedings with Gorilla and the Brain in the commentary box. Heenan corrects Gorilla, renaming himself “Lord Robert of Heenan”, which Gorilla responds to by threatening to kick him to the other side of the building. The main event is a 20 man Battle Royal, with the winner getting the valuable Royal Samovar trophy. Monsoon and Heenan hype this up as the greatest prize in wrestling today.

 

NASTY BOYS (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs THE ROCKERS

Ring announcer Mel Phillips describes this as a “tag team attraction”, before introducing the Nastys. Hmm, when I think of the word “attraction”, Knobbs and Sags aren’t the first two people that come to mind. Long stall sequence to start out. Gorilla talks about the history of the Royal Albert Hall, pointing out to Heenan that it is over 125 years old. Heenan’s response? “So is Lord Alfred Hayes”. Throughout this “tag team attraction”, there are several noticeable attempts to get the fans interested in a rather crappy tag match. We see #1 now, as the Nastys pose twice for the fans, drawing boos each time. The Rockers in turn pose to the kind of teen girl shrieks I now associate with Jeff Hardy, bless his soul. More stalling. FINALLY Sags and Shawn lock up. Sags powers Shawn into the corner, Irish whip, Shawn leaps into a bearhug, which he breaks by biting Sags. Less than a minute in and the Nastys go to the restholds. Knobbs enters the ring for some double team shenanigans, but Shawn draws both Nastys into the corner for a Jannetty top rope clothesline. Nastys bail. Knobbs is tagged in and he wants Jannetty. Jannetty tagged in. lock up, won by Knobbs. Irish whip into the corner, Marty gets a boot up and hits Knobbs with a second rope clothesline. Shawn comes in and the Rockers clean house again. Fan Spot #2, as the Nastys make as if they are going to the back. Referee Joey Marella starts the count, which the fans chant along to with gusto. I suppose when we get about two visits a year from the WWF, even a dull Nasty Boys match can get us pumped. Nastys return to the ring for (sigh) another long stall session. Jannetty uses his speed to outmanoeuvre Knobbs and gets a nice roll-up for 2. Tag to Sags, who gets caught by Jannetty in a front face lock. Powers out, Irish whip by Jannetty. Armdrag leads to an armbar, as the crappy restholds take over yet again. Fan Spot #3 as Marella gets distracted by Knobbs long enough for the Rockers to swap over without the tag. When Jimmy Hart complains, Marella asks the fans if there was a tag, which the fans are only too pleased to confirm. The Rockers swap twice more, before Sags breaks free with a cheapshot on Shawn. Irish whip, Shawn reverses, then slides out of the ring to crotch Sags on the ringpost, which he follows up with an atomic drop. OWW, someone doesn’t want Sags to reproduce!! Actually, that’s probably a good thing. Jimmy Hart distracts the ref, allowing Knobbs to pull the ropes down on the Irish whip, sending Michaels tumbling to the outside. A few cheap shots by Knobbs, as Hart yells to the ref that Michaels suckerpunched him. HA! Back in Shawn fights out of the corner, but gets caught in a drop toehold by Sags. Oh good, another Sags bearhug. Fan Spot #4 as Marella does the old arm drop test on Shawn, giving the fans an opportunity to cheer Shawn back to life. Shawn breaks free, but tries to slam the hefty Sags, causing his back to give out. Knobbs tags in and starts working on Shawn’s back (ooh, psychology!), dropping an elbow to the kidneys. Reverse double chinlock, and eventually Shawn powers out (in spite of his bad back? Scrap my earlier praise of their psychology!). Shawn tags Marty, but Sags had the ref distracted, so Marty is ordered out of the ring. Shawn in the corner- Knobbs misses a splash, allowing Shawn to clothesline Sags and tag in Marty, who is the cliched HOUSE OF FIRE!!!! Clotheslines for both Nastys! Dropkicks for both Nastys! Ten punch countalong in the corner for Knobbs (Fan Spot #5), the same for Sags. Knobbs tries to splash Marty, but NO, gets his own partner. Marty covers Sags, 1-2, Knobbs drops an elbow…and hits his own partner. Shawn returns. Both Nastys whipped into each other. 1-2-kickout. Shawn gorilla presses Marty onto the fallen Sags. 1-2-Knobbs saves. Jimmy Hart is on the apron. Shawn grabs him allowing Jimmy to throw the megaphone to Knobbs, who clatters Marty with it. Sags put on top. 1-2-3! The Nastys steal one. Needless to say, the fans aren’t impressed. *3/4, because the Rockers tried their best with shitty opposition and the fans enjoyed it.

 

Mean Gene interviews “The Real World Champion” Ric Flair (spelt “Rick” on the video box, nice work guys!). He promises to beat Tito Santana later (well DUH, everyone beat Tito bloody Santana. I’d be disappointed in the Nature Boy if he didn’t), then makes some threats towards Roddy Piper for the battle royal.

 

TITO SANTANA vs “RICK” FLAIR

Strange moment as Mel announces Tito, who is almost in the ring when his music suddenly starts. Nice production work guys. Flair gets a mixture of boos and cheers. “There’s a rumour that they’d like him to be Prime Minister over here” claims the Brain. Well, he couldn’t be worse than what we’ve got now. Flair backs Tito into a corner, clean break leads to a “WHOOO” from Flair. Irish whip to opposite corner and Tito greets Flair with a right hand. Shoulderblock sends Flair outside the ring. Flair gets Santana in a hammerlock, Tito powers out, Flair downs him with a hairpull. Tito up again, hairpull sends him back down. Tito up, hairpull down. Tito up, goes to punch Flair. Nature Boy orders ref to stop this, then hairpulls Tito back down. HA! Tito with the kip up- punches Flair, whips him to the corner. Back bodydrop on Flair is followed by two dropkicks which provokes the Flair Flop! Ric bails, but Tito follows him out and drives Flair face first into the apron and the steel barricades. Eye poke returns the momentum to Flair and he returns the favour, driving Tito into a barricade with a Union Jack draped over it. This prompts some typical Heenan comments, calling our flag the Jolly Roger, “or is it Jack Daniels, I forget”. Something tells me if it WAS Jack Daniels, Heenan certainly would not forget. Shoulderblock on the apron from Tito, then attempts a sunsetflip. Flair fights it, but gets brought down for a 2 count. Tito with a poor droptoehold, which leads to a spinning toehold on Flair. Ric makes the ropes, but gets dragged away by Tito, who starts working on the leg. Ric goes to the corner and begs off, but Santana is having none of it. Flair takes away his legs and tries a pin (with his feet on the ropes) for a 2. Tito back up, ten punch countalong in the corner, but Flair reverses to an atomic drop. Kneedrop gets 2 for Flair, despite AGAIN having his feet on the rope. Headlock by Flair, takes him over for a 2 count, feet, predictably, planted on the rope. Tito blocks a Flair punch and they slug it out, which ends when Tito whips Flair into the corner over the ropes. Flair walks along the apron, but is met with a Santana clothesline. Suplex back into the ring and Tito gets a backslide for 2. The Brain is choking at this point. Eyepoke returns the momentum to Flair, who gets a 2 count. Back suplex by Flair leads to the figure four. Great heel work by Flair, who yells at referee Danny Davis to “get in his face, he’s giving up”, only to pull on the ropes as soon as Davis looks away. Tito eventually reverses the figure four, but Flair makes the ropes. A Santana chop causes Flair to flop again and another sends the Nature Boy over the top rope. They slug it out outside the ring, won by Flair. Santana rolled back into the ring, and Ric goes up top, which goes about as well as any other time Ric Flair goes to the top. Tito covers- 1-2-kickout. Clothesline, 1-2-kickout. Santana hits the flying forearm!! 1-2-foot on the rope!! Tito with a roll up for 2, but Flair reverses it and grabs a big ol’ handful of tights for the 3 count. **1/2, as you could tell they were holding things back for the battle royal later, but some nice heel tactics from Flair made it still very watchable.

 

Mean Gene interviews the Boss Man about his forthcoming match with Earthquake. Boss Man promises victory and then goes on to talk about his participation in the battle royal.

 

We then join Gene at ringside as he interviews Earthquake and Jimmy Hart. Hart tells Boss Man he needs Earthquake insurance, while Quake tells Gene a lame joke. “Do you know how far it is a boat ride from the US to here? Real far! That’s why we took the plane”. Jimmy laughs as if this was the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

 

EARTHQUAKE (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs BIG BOSS MAN

Oh boy, if ever a match is going to suck, I can’t help but think it’ll be this one. Nice pop for the Boss Man. Quake refuses to return to the ring until Boss Man puts down his night-stick. Lock up is won by Quake, pushing Boss Man to the corner. Quake stalls, opting to confer with Jimmy Hart. Quake slams Boss Man down, but then misses a series of stomps then misses an elbow. Nice work brainiac- he moved when you tried stomping him several times, he’s not gonna stay still when you drop the elbow. Boss Man rolls out of the ring to chase Jimmy. Back in and Quake misses a corner splash, allowing Boss Man to schoolboy him for 2. Headlock applied by Boss Man. Quake tries an Irish whip, but Boss Man grabs his beard to keep the hold on! He tries again, but with the same result. A third attempt works and Earthquake downs Boss Man with a shoulderblock. Quake misses ANOTHER elbow and a bottom rope ax-handle staggers the big man. An attempt from the second rope puts him down. Boss Man goes up top for a crossbody, but gets caught and slammed. The usual dull Quake offence follows- walking on his opponent, choke on the middle rope, squashing him in the corner. A semi-Stinkface is applied by Quake as Boss Man sits slumped in the corner. Big Boss Man fights back, but an eyerake puts him down. Bearhug is applied by Quake, because God knows this match isn’t quite dull enough. Boss Man powers out, but a knackered Earthquake hits the chinlock. Yeah, like this sack of goo will be in any fit shape for a battle royal later. Boss Man powers out again, but Quake clotheslines him down. At this point, the once rabid crowd is dead. Boss Man rolls out of the ring, only to get thrown headfirst into the steel steps, which don’t move. That was a pretty cool spot. Boss Man rolls in and Quake covers. 1-2-foot on the ropes. Boss Man fights back, but Quake splashes him in the corner. Irish whip, but Boss Man slips through Quake’s legs and hits an Enzuiguri (!). Crowd comes alive for that one. Both men are down, allowing the crowd to get into it again by chanting along. Boss Man first up, covers 1-2-kickout. Hart up on the apron. Boss Man grabs him. Quake charges, but the Boss Man moves, leaving Quake to knock poor Jimmy down. Roll up 1-2-NO! Boss Man ties Quake up in the ropes, as the Mountie comes to the ring. Boss Man hits a crossbody on Quake, still tied up in the ropes, a spot which was later used by Jean-Pierre LaFitte, the future tag team partner of…the Mountie. Boss Man tries for it again, but the Mountie trips him, leaving him prone for a Quake elbow which gets a 3! Yep, this sucked. As Bobby Heenan puts it when Monsoon complains about the interference “It doesn’t matter, at least the match is over” ¼*

Boss Man chases the Mountie to the back. Heels are now 3-0 on this video.

 

Backstage, Mean Gene displays the Royal Samovar trophy that will be presented to the winner. He then brings in the Texas Tornado, who talks trash about the Mountie.

 

Mean Gene is back at ringside to talk to the Mountie. He says nothing of any interest.

 

THE MOUNTIE (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs TEXAS TORNADO

Funny spot as the Mountie yells for someone to play his music. None is forthcoming. HUGE pop for the Tornado, who seems genuinely touched by his reception. Lock up produces no winner, so the Mountie goes outside to stall. Back in, another lock up leads to the Tornado punching Mountie out of the ring. More stalling by the Mountie. Inside, Tornado grabs a wristlock, is broken by an Irish whip by the Mountie. Mountie leapfrogs him twice, but gets caught by another Tornado right hand, again sending him out of the ring. ANOTHER long stall session. Eventually, Mountie returns to the ring, only to get hammered in the corner by Tornado. Irish whip is reversed and the Mountie catches him with a sleeper. Danny Davis does the old armdropping check, but Tornado’s arm stays up at two. He breaks the sleeper by ramming Mountie into the corner. Irish whip- Tornado gets a sleeper of his own. Great, another resthold, I thought this match was missing something. Jimmy Hart hands the rope to the Mountie, forcing a break. Corner charge by Tornado, but he hits the steel ring post. He gets knocked over the top rope by the Mountie, who then proceeds to ram him face first into the steel steps. Revenge is sweet for the Tornado, however, as he grabs the Mountie and rams him into the steps. Tornado then pushes Mountie towards the steel ring post, but his attempt at the discus punch fails when the Mountie ducks, causing Tornado to punch the ring post. Now THAT looked and sounded painful. Mountie takes advantage by ramming Tornado’s hand into the turnbuckles. Tornado fights back, but grabs his fist in pain after punching Mountie. Irish whip- Tornado ducks a clothesline and catches Mountie with one of his own. The Mountie beckons Tornado into a corner, and pins him for 3 with his feet on the top rope. Tornado tells Danny Davis what happened, who then asks the Mountie and Jimmy Hart. Monsoon tells us the match is restarting, although no such announcement is made, and Tornado gives Mountie a big backbodydrop. Mountie leaves the ring and heads to the back, as Heenan comments on his great victory. So, er, who actually won? No announcement is given and confusion seems to reign. What a long, boring mess that was. DUD

 

Backstage, we pay a visit to the Funeral Parlour, as Paul Bearer gives a long spiel about dead royals in a cemetery and the Undertaker promises to squeeze the air out of Jim Duggan’s lungs, so that by the time the battle royal begins, rigor mortis will already have started to sink in. How nice.

 

THE UNDERTAKER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs “HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN

In a nice touch, Undertaker’s theme is played on the big organ (no jokes please) inside the Royal Albert Hall, although it does seem to be played by a masked Phantom Of The Opera lookalike. Duggan marches to the ring with his American flag over his shoulder, prompting a few thumbs down from the front rows. HA!! They start to slug it out and Taker send Hacksaw into the corner, but gets met with a boot to the face when he charges in. Hacksaw then clotheslines the Taker over the top rope. A “USA” chant rings out, as I start to despair at my fellow Brits. Hacksaw grabs Taker on the outside, but Taker drops him throat first on the top rope. Choke on Hacksaw, but Hacksaw fights back. Another choke by Taker sends Hacksaw back to the mat. Ropewalk, as Taker takes Hacksaw to “the old school”, although at this point it was still the new school. Another choke in the corner is reversed to an atomic drop by Duggan. Hacksaw gets the ten punches in the corner, but is distracted by Paul Bearer on the outside, who has the 2X4. Taker capitalises with a BIG flying clothesline. Hacksaw attacks Taker with the 2X4 for the DQ. I never understood how the fans could cheer for a guy who would attack his opponents with a large piece of wood everytime it looked like he would lose, but c’est la vie. Match sucked, but Taker’s highspots drags it up to ¼*

 

LOOOONG series of Mean Gene interviews begins now, as Gene talks to….

 Roddy Piper, who threatens both Heenan and Ric Flair, as well as dropping the (edited out) F-bomb

 Typhoon with Jimmy Hart, who avoid Gene’s question when he asks what would happen if the battle royal ended with him and Earthquake

 Power and Glory, who claim they are winners. Yeah, sure.

 And finally the Legion of Doom, who re-christen Power and Glory as “Sour and Gory”, the same name Hawk gave them at WrestleMania VII

 

LEGION OF DOOM vs POWER AND GLORY (WWF TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH)

Wonder if this’ll be longer than the WrestleMania VII 30 second classic. Hawk and Roma do a test of strength to start, won by Hawk. Irish whip and Hawk dropkicks Roma, who quickly bails. Hawk chases him, but gets caught coming back into the ring. Roma goes for a back body drop, but Hawk reverses it into a Hangman’s Neckbreaker. Fistdrop gets 2 for Hawk. Animal and Hercules are in next and Herc downs Animal with a clothesline. Irish whip to the corner, but Animal explodes out with a clothesline. Tag to Hawk, who gets caught with an inverted atomic drop by Herc. Hercules tries to ram Hawk face first into the turnbuckle, but Hawk blocks it and goes for ten of his own. Roma is tagged in and P&G double team Hawk in the corner. Piledriver on Hawk is no sold, prompting Gorilla to claim that he got his wake up call. Hawk gorilla presses Roma onto Herc and Animal comes in to send Herc over the top rope. Hawk goes for a top rope clothesline, but Roma ducks and Hawk rolls to the outside. Hercules proceeds to drop him on the steel barricade and Roma rams him into the apron. Back in the ring, Herc drops Hawk on the top rope, but both men collide on a Irish whip attempt. Hot tag (what? Already?) to Animal who takes Roma down with a shoulderblock. Powerbomb! 1-2-Herc saves! Hawk and Herc battle out of the ring, while Roma slams Animal down. Roma up top. Tries a crossbody, but NO, Animal catches him and powerslams him down for the 1-2-3. Managed to be a lot better than it should be, considering the two teams involved, and the LOD actually sold for Roma and Herc, resulting in a fun little power match. **1/4. This is the first time on this video that a face has actually won.

 

Interview with the British Bulldog. He promises victory over the Barbarian. Oh great, you have the Bulldog returning to the UK, and the only opponent you are willing the put him over is the freaking Barbarian?? Well that’ll make him look impressive with his own fans. What’s the matter, Brooklyn Brawler unavailable??

 

BRITISH BULLDOG vs THE BARBARIAN

Lord Alfred Hayes is ring announcer for this one. Barbarian comes out to no reaction, because it’s the BARBARIAN. I mean, seriously, no-one gives him a hope in hell of winning this, especially as it’s in Britain. Predictably, the Bulldog gets an ENORMOUS pop. Side headlock starts for Barbarian, sent into the ropes by Bulldog. Shoulderblock, neither man budges. Another attempt, same as before. Choke in the corner by Barbarian, but when he charges in, the Bulldog gets his feet up. Second rope chop from the Bulldog, followed by a dropkick send the Barbarian outside. Irish whip attempt by the Bulldog is blocked, but the Barbarian ends up hitting the mat when Davey Boy moves. Bulldog takes him down with an armdrag. Irish whip, Bulldog ducks the clothesline, but gets caught with a big boot. Barbarian takes him out of the ring, and slams him back first into the ring post twice. Back inside, the Barbarian hits the chinlock. Of course, this allows the fans to cheer the Bulldog back to his feet, so I guess it had it’s purpose. Barbarian ends that by kicking him back to the canvas. Piledriver by the Barbarian, 1-2-kickout. Barbarian then tries his second rope elbow drop, but as usual he misses. Clothesline by Bulldog, 1-2-NO! Stalling suplex also gets 2. Bulldog sends Barbarian to the corner for the ten punch countalong. Irish whip to the corner, reversed by Barbarian, but Bulldog avoids the corner charge. Bulldog picks him up for the powerslam and the place goes ballistic. Running powerslam gets the 3 count and the Royal Albert Hall goes nuts. Match was nothing special, but considering the presence of the Barbarian, it was acceptable *1/2

 

Mean Gene interviews the Nasty Boys. A typically tiresome Nasty interview, until Sags proclaims them the worst thing to ever hit Europe. “Sure there were a few plagues, a chap named Adolf raised some Hell”. Ah, the Nasty Boys, nothing says tasteful more than a quick Nazi joke.

 

20 MAN BATTLE ROYAL

The participants are all the previous combatants, plus Roddy Piper and Typhoon. As if this couldn’t be any more exciting, Alfred Hayes joins us on commentary. Straight away, Piper and Flair slide under the bottom rope to brawl. Hawk eliminates Hercules early. Knobbs and Barbarian eliminate Texas Tornado. In a funny spot, Piper ducks a Knobbs charge, letting Knobbs go over the ropes, but land on the apron. Knobbs totters on the edge briefly, before Piper pushes him off with his little finger! HA! Typhoon eliminates Marty. Tito throws over the Barbarian. See, the Barbarian was the ultimate jobber, even getting eliminated by Tito. Quake throws Tito out straight after of course. Sags eliminates Hawk, only to have Animal throw him out seconds later. Mountie throws Shawn over, but Shawn manages to skin the cat to get back in the ring. The Mountie clotheslines him straight back out again. Quake throws Hacksaw over the top, but being the poor sportsman that he is, Duggan returns with his 2X4 to help Animal throw Earthquake out. Piper gives Flair a series of jabs, which sends Flair down with the Flair Flop. Piper eliminates Flair to the surprise of Bobby Heenan and Bulldog eliminates Paul Roma to the surprise of nobody. After a moments silence, Bobby decides that Flair didn’t need “an oversized teapot” anyway. Taker removes Animal from the competition, only to have Piper eliminate him seconds later. Taker reacts badly to this, and chokes Piper from the outside, sending Roddy to the floor. Naturally Piper doesn’t respond too well to this, and a brawl erupts between the two outside the ring. This leaves our final four- the Big Boss Man, the Mountie, Typhoon and the British Bulldog. They pair off as Davey Boy goes after Typhoon and Boss Man and Mountie resume their little brawl. With the Mountie on the ropes, Boss Man goes to slide under the ropes to hit the Mountie, but instead decides to strike Jimmy Hart. When he returns to the ring, however, Mountie throws him out, leaving two Hart Family members against the Bulldog. They beat Bulldog into the corner, but when Typhoon attempts a corner splash, Davey Boy pulls the Mountie into the way instead. The heels recuperate to double team Davey Boy, but some miscommunication sends the Mountie over the top rope. Typhoon hits Bulldog with another corner splash, as the announcers let us know Davey Boy will win by repeatedly announcing that Typhoon has it in the bag and it’s only a matter of time before the Bulldog is gone. Sure enough, Typhoon charges the Bulldog, misses, and goes to the outside to give the Royal Samovar trophy to Davey Boy. The Natural Disasters attack him after the match, when suddenly ANDRE THE GIANT hobbles to ringside to make the save. Fans go mad for that, rightly so. Andre levels Quake with his crutch, shakes Davey’s hand, then leaves Bulldog to soak in the applause of his fellow countrymen. Hard to rate battle royals, but as entertainment, it served it’s purpose. **

 

Overall, a pretty crappy tape, even by the early 90’s standards. Flair/Santana is pretty decent, as is the tag title match, and it’s great to see the Bulldog getting such a huge ovation. On the other hand, everything else is terrible and you can see the Bulldog getting a better reaction at SummerSlam 92, plus you get a classic match with Bret Hart to boot. Not one to seek out.

 

 

WWF BATTLE ROYAL AT THE ALBERT HALL

 

This is essentially an attempt by the WWF to justify to “World” part of their name, as this was taken from the WWF European Rampage tour (or so says the box). I don’t know how easy this little beauty is to find, as a friend of mine brought this to my house once and never took it back with him, which I think pretty much indicates it’s quality straight away.

 

We kick off proceedings with Gorilla and the Brain in the commentary box. Heenan corrects Gorilla, renaming himself “Lord Robert of Heenan”, which Gorilla responds to by threatening to kick him to the other side of the building. The main event is a 20 man Battle Royal, with the winner getting the valuable Royal Samovar trophy. Monsoon and Heenan hype this up as the greatest prize in wrestling today.

 

NASTY BOYS (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs THE ROCKERS

Ring announcer Mel Phillips describes this as a “tag team attraction”, before introducing the Nastys. Hmm, when I think of the word “attraction”, Knobbs and Sags aren’t the first two people that come to mind. Long stall sequence to start out. Gorilla talks about the history of the Royal Albert Hall, pointing out to Heenan that it is over 125 years old. Heenan’s response? “So is Lord Alfred Hayes”. Throughout this “tag team attraction”, there are several noticeable attempts to get the fans interested in a rather crappy tag match. We see #1 now, as the Nastys pose twice for the fans, drawing boos each time. The Rockers in turn pose to the kind of teen girl shrieks I now associate with Jeff Hardy, bless his soul. More stalling. FINALLY Sags and Shawn lock up. Sags powers Shawn into the corner, Irish whip, Shawn leaps into a bearhug, which he breaks by biting Sags. Less than a minute in and the Nastys go to the restholds. Knobbs enters the ring for some double team shenanigans, but Shawn draws both Nastys into the corner for a Jannetty top rope clothesline. Nastys bail. Knobbs is tagged in and he wants Jannetty. Jannetty tagged in. lock up, won by Knobbs. Irish whip into the corner, Marty gets a boot up and hits Knobbs with a second rope clothesline. Shawn comes in and the Rockers clean house again. Fan Spot #2, as the Nastys make as if they are going to the back. Referee Joey Marella starts the count, which the fans chant along to with gusto. I suppose when we get about two visits a year from the WWF, even a dull Nasty Boys match can get us pumped. Nastys return to the ring for (sigh) another long stall session. Jannetty uses his speed to outmanoeuvre Knobbs and gets a nice roll-up for 2. Tag to Sags, who gets caught by Jannetty in a front face lock. Powers out, Irish whip by Jannetty. Armdrag leads to an armbar, as the crappy restholds take over yet again. Fan Spot #3 as Marella gets distracted by Knobbs long enough for the Rockers to swap over without the tag. When Jimmy Hart complains, Marella asks the fans if there was a tag, which the fans are only too pleased to confirm. The Rockers swap twice more, before Sags breaks free with a cheapshot on Shawn. Irish whip, Shawn reverses, then slides out of the ring to crotch Sags on the ringpost, which he follows up with an atomic drop. OWW, someone doesn’t want Sags to reproduce!! Actually, that’s probably a good thing. Jimmy Hart distracts the ref, allowing Knobbs to pull the ropes down on the Irish whip, sending Michaels tumbling to the outside. A few cheap shots by Knobbs, as Hart yells to the ref that Michaels suckerpunched him. HA! Back in Shawn fights out of the corner, but gets caught in a drop toehold by Sags. Oh good, another Sags bearhug. Fan Spot #4 as Marella does the old arm drop test on Shawn, giving the fans an opportunity to cheer Shawn back to life. Shawn breaks free, but tries to slam the hefty Sags, causing his back to give out. Knobbs tags in and starts working on Shawn’s back (ooh, psychology!), dropping an elbow to the kidneys. Reverse double chinlock, and eventually Shawn powers out (in spite of his bad back? Scrap my earlier praise of their psychology!). Shawn tags Marty, but Sags had the ref distracted, so Marty is ordered out of the ring. Shawn in the corner- Knobbs misses a splash, allowing Shawn to clothesline Sags and tag in Marty, who is the cliched HOUSE OF FIRE!!!! Clotheslines for both Nastys! Dropkicks for both Nastys! Ten punch countalong in the corner for Knobbs (Fan Spot #5), the same for Sags. Knobbs tries to splash Marty, but NO, gets his own partner. Marty covers Sags, 1-2, Knobbs drops an elbow…and hits his own partner. Shawn returns. Both Nastys whipped into each other. 1-2-kickout. Shawn gorilla presses Marty onto the fallen Sags. 1-2-Knobbs saves. Jimmy Hart is on the apron. Shawn grabs him allowing Jimmy to throw the megaphone to Knobbs, who clatters Marty with it. Sags put on top. 1-2-3! The Nastys steal one. Needless to say, the fans aren’t impressed. *3/4, because the Rockers tried their best with shitty opposition and the fans enjoyed it.

 

Mean Gene interviews “The Real World Champion” Ric Flair (spelt “Rick” on the video box, nice work guys!). He promises to beat Tito Santana later (well DUH, everyone beat Tito bloody Santana. I’d be disappointed in the Nature Boy if he didn’t), then makes some threats towards Roddy Piper for the battle royal.

 

TITO SANTANA vs “RICK” FLAIR

Strange moment as Mel announces Tito, who is almost in the ring when his music suddenly starts. Nice production work guys. Flair gets a mixture of boos and cheers. “There’s a rumour that they’d like him to be Prime Minister over here” claims the Brain. Well, he couldn’t be worse than what we’ve got now. Flair backs Tito into a corner, clean break leads to a “WHOOO” from Flair. Irish whip to opposite corner and Tito greets Flair with a right hand. Shoulderblock sends Flair outside the ring. Flair gets Santana in a hammerlock, Tito powers out, Flair downs him with a hairpull. Tito up again, hairpull sends him back down. Tito up, hairpull down. Tito up, goes to punch Flair. Nature Boy orders ref to stop this, then hairpulls Tito back down. HA! Tito with the kip up- punches Flair, whips him to the corner. Back bodydrop on Flair is followed by two dropkicks which provokes the Flair Flop! Ric bails, but Tito follows him out and drives Flair face first into the apron and the steel barricades. Eye poke returns the momentum to Flair and he returns the favour, driving Tito into a barricade with a Union Jack draped over it. This prompts some typical Heenan comments, calling our flag the Jolly Roger, “or is it Jack Daniels, I forget”. Something tells me if it WAS Jack Daniels, Heenan certainly would not forget. Shoulderblock on the apron from Tito, then attempts a sunsetflip. Flair fights it, but gets brought down for a 2 count. Tito with a poor droptoehold, which leads to a spinning toehold on Flair. Ric makes the ropes, but gets dragged away by Tito, who starts working on the leg. Ric goes to the corner and begs off, but Santana is having none of it. Flair takes away his legs and tries a pin (with his feet on the ropes) for a 2. Tito back up, ten punch countalong in the corner, but Flair reverses to an atomic drop. Kneedrop gets 2 for Flair, despite AGAIN having his feet on the rope. Headlock by Flair, takes him over for a 2 count, feet, predictably, planted on the rope. Tito blocks a Flair punch and they slug it out, which ends when Tito whips Flair into the corner over the ropes. Flair walks along the apron, but is met with a Santana clothesline. Suplex back into the ring and Tito gets a backslide for 2. The Brain is choking at this point. Eyepoke returns the momentum to Flair, who gets a 2 count. Back suplex by Flair leads to the figure four. Great heel work by Flair, who yells at referee Danny Davis to “get in his face, he’s giving up”, only to pull on the ropes as soon as Davis looks away. Tito eventually reverses the figure four, but Flair makes the ropes. A Santana chop causes Flair to flop again and another sends the Nature Boy over the top rope. They slug it out outside the ring, won by Flair. Santana rolled back into the ring, and Ric goes up top, which goes about as well as any other time Ric Flair goes to the top. Tito covers- 1-2-kickout. Clothesline, 1-2-kickout. Santana hits the flying forearm!! 1-2-foot on the rope!! Tito with a roll up for 2, but Flair reverses it and grabs a big ol’ handful of tights for the 3 count. **1/2, as you could tell they were holding things back for the battle royal later, but some nice heel tactics from Flair made it still very watchable.

 

Mean Gene interviews the Boss Man about his forthcoming match with Earthquake. Boss Man promises victory and then goes on to talk about his participation in the battle royal.

 

We then join Gene at ringside as he interviews Earthquake and Jimmy Hart. Hart tells Boss Man he needs Earthquake insurance, while Quake tells Gene a lame joke. “Do you know how far it is a boat ride from the US to here? Real far! That’s why we took the plane”. Jimmy laughs as if this was the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

 

EARTHQUAKE (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs BIG BOSS MAN

Oh boy, if ever a match is going to suck, I can’t help but think it’ll be this one. Nice pop for the Boss Man. Quake refuses to return to the ring until Boss Man puts down his night-stick. Lock up is won by Quake, pushing Boss Man to the corner. Quake stalls, opting to confer with Jimmy Hart. Quake slams Boss Man down, but then misses a series of stomps then misses an elbow. Nice work brainiac- he moved when you tried stomping him several times, he’s not gonna stay still when you drop the elbow. Boss Man rolls out of the ring to chase Jimmy. Back in and Quake misses a corner splash, allowing Boss Man to schoolboy him for 2. Headlock applied by Boss Man. Quake tries an Irish whip, but Boss Man grabs his beard to keep the hold on! He tries again, but with the same result. A third attempt works and Earthquake downs Boss Man with a shoulderblock. Quake misses ANOTHER elbow and a bottom rope ax-handle staggers the big man. An attempt from the second rope puts him down. Boss Man goes up top for a crossbody, but gets caught and slammed. The usual dull Quake offence follows- walking on his opponent, choke on the middle rope, squashing him in the corner. A semi-Stinkface is applied by Quake as Boss Man sits slumped in the corner. Big Boss Man fights back, but an eyerake puts him down. Bearhug is applied by Quake, because God knows this match isn’t quite dull enough. Boss Man powers out, but a knackered Earthquake hits the chinlock. Yeah, like this sack of goo will be in any fit shape for a battle royal later. Boss Man powers out again, but Quake clotheslines him down. At this point, the once rabid crowd is dead. Boss Man rolls out of the ring, only to get thrown headfirst into the steel steps, which don’t move. That was a pretty cool spot. Boss Man rolls in and Quake covers. 1-2-foot on the ropes. Boss Man fights back, but Quake splashes him in the corner. Irish whip, but Boss Man slips through Quake’s legs and hits an Enzuiguri (!). Crowd comes alive for that one. Both men are down, allowing the crowd to get into it again by chanting along. Boss Man first up, covers 1-2-kickout. Hart up on the apron. Boss Man grabs him. Quake charges, but the Boss Man moves, leaving Quake to knock poor Jimmy down. Roll up 1-2-NO! Boss Man ties Quake up in the ropes, as the Mountie comes to the ring. Boss Man hits a crossbody on Quake, still tied up in the ropes, a spot which was later used by Jean-Pierre LaFitte, the future tag team partner of…the Mountie. Boss Man tries for it again, but the Mountie trips him, leaving him prone for a Quake elbow which gets a 3! Yep, this sucked. As Bobby Heenan puts it when Monsoon complains about the interference “It doesn’t matter, at least the match is over” ¼*

Boss Man chases the Mountie to the back. Heels are now 3-0 on this video.

 

Backstage, Mean Gene displays the Royal Samovar trophy that will be presented to the winner. He then brings in the Texas Tornado, who talks trash about the Mountie.

 

Mean Gene is back at ringside to talk to the Mountie. He says nothing of any interest.

 

THE MOUNTIE (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs TEXAS TORNADO

Funny spot as the Mountie yells for someone to play his music. None is forthcoming. HUGE pop for the Tornado, who seems genuinely touched by his reception. Lock up produces no winner, so the Mountie goes outside to stall. Back in, another lock up leads to the Tornado punching Mountie out of the ring. More stalling by the Mountie. Inside, Tornado grabs a wristlock, is broken by an Irish whip by the Mountie. Mountie leapfrogs him twice, but gets caught by another Tornado right hand, again sending him out of the ring. ANOTHER long stall session. Eventually, Mountie returns to the ring, only to get hammered in the corner by Tornado. Irish whip is reversed and the Mountie catches him with a sleeper. Danny Davis does the old armdropping check, but Tornado’s arm stays up at two. He breaks the sleeper by ramming Mountie into the corner. Irish whip- Tornado gets a sleeper of his own. Great, another resthold, I thought this match was missing something. Jimmy Hart hands the rope to the Mountie, forcing a break. Corner charge by Tornado, but he hits the steel ring post. He gets knocked over the top rope by the Mountie, who then proceeds to ram him face first into the steel steps. Revenge is sweet for the Tornado, however, as he grabs the Mountie and rams him into the steps. Tornado then pushes Mountie towards the steel ring post, but his attempt at the discus punch fails when the Mountie ducks, causing Tornado to punch the ring post. Now THAT looked and sounded painful. Mountie takes advantage by ramming Tornado’s hand into the turnbuckles. Tornado fights back, but grabs his fist in pain after punching Mountie. Irish whip- Tornado ducks a clothesline and catches Mountie with one of his own. The Mountie beckons Tornado into a corner, and pins him for 3 with his feet on the top rope. Tornado tells Danny Davis what happened, who then asks the Mountie and Jimmy Hart. Monsoon tells us the match is restarting, although no such announcement is made, and Tornado gives Mountie a big backbodydrop. Mountie leaves the ring and heads to the back, as Heenan comments on his great victory. So, er, who actually won? No announcement is given and confusion seems to reign. What a long, boring mess that was. DUD

 

Backstage, we pay a visit to the Funeral Parlour, as Paul Bearer gives a long spiel about dead royals in a cemetery and the Undertaker promises to squeeze the air out of Jim Duggan’s lungs, so that by the time the battle royal begins, rigor mortis will already have started to sink in. How nice.

 

THE UNDERTAKER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs “HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN

In a nice touch, Undertaker’s theme is played on the big organ (no jokes please) inside the Royal Albert Hall, although it does seem to be played by a masked Phantom Of The Opera lookalike. Duggan marches to the ring with his American flag over his shoulder, prompting a few thumbs down from the front rows. HA!! They start to slug it out and Taker send Hacksaw into the corner, but gets met with a boot to the face when he charges in. Hacksaw then clotheslines the Taker over the top rope. A “USA” chant rings out, as I start to despair at my fellow Brits. Hacksaw grabs Taker on the outside, but Taker drops him throat first on the top rope. Choke on Hacksaw, but Hacksaw fights back. Another choke by Taker sends Hacksaw back to the mat. Ropewalk, as Taker takes Hacksaw to “the old school”, although at this point it was still the new school. Another choke in the corner is reversed to an atomic drop by Duggan. Hacksaw gets the ten punches in the corner, but is distracted by Paul Bearer on the outside, who has the 2X4. Taker capitalises with a BIG flying clothesline. Hacksaw attacks Taker with the 2X4 for the DQ. I never understood how the fans could cheer for a guy who would attack his opponents with a large piece of wood everytime it looked like he would lose, but c’est la vie. Match sucked, but Taker’s highspots drags it up to ¼*

 

LOOOONG series of Mean Gene interviews begins now, as Gene talks to….

 Roddy Piper, who threatens both Heenan and Ric Flair, as well as dropping the (edited out) F-bomb

 Typhoon with Jimmy Hart, who avoid Gene’s question when he asks what would happen if the battle royal ended with him and Earthquake

 Power and Glory, who claim they are winners. Yeah, sure.

 And finally the Legion of Doom, who re-christen Power and Glory as “Sour and Gory”, the same name Hawk gave them at WrestleMania VII

 

LEGION OF DOOM vs POWER AND GLORY (WWF TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH)

Wonder if this’ll be longer than the WrestleMania VII 30 second classic. Hawk and Roma do a test of strength to start, won by Hawk. Irish whip and Hawk dropkicks Roma, who quickly bails. Hawk chases him, but gets caught coming back into the ring. Roma goes for a back body drop, but Hawk reverses it into a Hangman’s Neckbreaker. Fistdrop gets 2 for Hawk. Animal and Hercules are in next and Herc downs Animal with a clothesline. Irish whip to the corner, but Animal explodes out with a clothesline. Tag to Hawk, who gets caught with an inverted atomic drop by Herc. Hercules tries to ram Hawk face first into the turnbuckle, but Hawk blocks it and goes for ten of his own. Roma is tagged in and P&G double team Hawk in the corner. Piledriver on Hawk is no sold, prompting Gorilla to claim that he got his wake up call. Hawk gorilla presses Roma onto Herc and Animal comes in to send Herc over the top rope. Hawk goes for a top rope clothesline, but Roma ducks and Hawk rolls to the outside. Hercules proceeds to drop him on the steel barricade and Roma rams him into the apron. Back in the ring, Herc drops Hawk on the top rope, but both men collide on a Irish whip attempt. Hot tag (what? Already?) to Animal who takes Roma down with a shoulderblock. Powerbomb! 1-2-Herc saves! Hawk and Herc battle out of the ring, while Roma slams Animal down. Roma up top. Tries a crossbody, but NO, Animal catches him and powerslams him down for the 1-2-3. Managed to be a lot better than it should be, considering the two teams involved, and the LOD actually sold for Roma and Herc, resulting in a fun little power match. **1/4. This is the first time on this video that a face has actually won.

 

Interview with the British Bulldog. He promises victory over the Barbarian. Oh great, you have the Bulldog returning to the UK, and the only opponent you are willing the put him over is the freaking Barbarian?? Well that’ll make him look impressive with his own fans. What’s the matter, Brooklyn Brawler unavailable??

 

BRITISH BULLDOG vs THE BARBARIAN

Lord Alfred Hayes is ring announcer for this one. Barbarian comes out to no reaction, because it’s the BARBARIAN. I mean, seriously, no-one gives him a hope in hell of winning this, especially as it’s in Britain. Predictably, the Bulldog gets an ENORMOUS pop. Side headlock starts for Barbarian, sent into the ropes by Bulldog. Shoulderblock, neither man budges. Another attempt, same as before. Choke in the corner by Barbarian, but when he charges in, the Bulldog gets his feet up. Second rope chop from the Bulldog, followed by a dropkick send the Barbarian outside. Irish whip attempt by the Bulldog is blocked, but the Barbarian ends up hitting the mat when Davey Boy moves. Bulldog takes him down with an armdrag. Irish whip, Bulldog ducks the clothesline, but gets caught with a big boot. Barbarian takes him out of the ring, and slams him back first into the ring post twice. Back inside, the Barbarian hits the chinlock. Of course, this allows the fans to cheer the Bulldog back to his feet, so I guess it had it’s purpose. Barbarian ends that by kicking him back to the canvas. Piledriver by the Barbarian, 1-2-kickout. Barbarian then tries his second rope elbow drop, but as usual he misses. Clothesline by Bulldog, 1-2-NO! Stalling suplex also gets 2. Bulldog sends Barbarian to the corner for the ten punch countalong. Irish whip to the corner, reversed by Barbarian, but Bulldog avoids the corner charge. Bulldog picks him up for the powerslam and the place goes ballistic. Running powerslam gets the 3 count and the Royal Albert Hall goes nuts. Match was nothing special, but considering the presence of the Barbarian, it was acceptable *1/2

 

Mean Gene interviews the Nasty Boys. A typically tiresome Nasty interview, until Sags proclaims them the worst thing to ever hit Europe. “Sure there were a few plagues, a chap named Adolf raised some Hell”. Ah, the Nasty Boys, nothing says tasteful more than a quick Nazi joke.

 

20 MAN BATTLE ROYAL

The participants are all the previous combatants, plus Roddy Piper and Typhoon. As if this couldn’t be any more exciting, Alfred Hayes joins us on commentary. Straight away, Piper and Flair slide under the bottom rope to brawl. Hawk eliminates Hercules early. Knobbs and Barbarian eliminate Texas Tornado. In a funny spot, Piper ducks a Knobbs charge, letting Knobbs go over the ropes, but land on the apron. Knobbs totters on the edge briefly, before Piper pushes him off with his little finger! HA! Typhoon eliminates Marty. Tito throws over the Barbarian. See, the Barbarian was the ultimate jobber, even getting eliminated by Tito. Quake throws Tito out straight after of course. Sags eliminates Hawk, only to have Animal throw him out seconds later. Mountie throws Shawn over, but Shawn manages to skin the cat to get back in the ring. The Mountie clotheslines him straight back out again. Quake throws Hacksaw over the top, but being the poor sportsman that he is, Duggan returns with his 2X4 to help Animal throw Earthquake out. Piper gives Flair a series of jabs, which sends Flair down with the Flair Flop. Piper eliminates Flair to the surprise of Bobby Heenan and Bulldog eliminates Paul Roma to the surprise of nobody. After a moments silence, Bobby decides that Flair didn’t need “an oversized teapot” anyway. Taker removes Animal from the competition, only to have Piper eliminate him seconds later. Taker reacts badly to this, and chokes Piper from the outside, sending Roddy to the floor. Naturally Piper doesn’t respond too well to this, and a brawl erupts between the two outside the ring. This leaves our final four- the Big Boss Man, the Mountie, Typhoon and the British Bulldog. They pair off as Davey Boy goes after Typhoon and Boss Man and Mountie resume their little brawl. With the Mountie on the ropes, Boss Man goes to slide under the ropes to hit the Mountie, but instead decides to strike Jimmy Hart. When he returns to the ring, however, Mountie throws him out, leaving two Hart Family members against the Bulldog. They beat Bulldog into the corner, but when Typhoon attempts a corner splash, Davey Boy pulls the Mountie into the way instead. The heels recuperate to double team Davey Boy, but some miscommunication sends the Mountie over the top rope. Typhoon hits Bulldog with another corner splash, as the announcers let us know Davey Boy will win by repeatedly announcing that Typhoon has it in the bag and it’s only a matter of time before the Bulldog is gone. Sure enough, Typhoon charges the Bulldog, misses, and goes to the outside to give the Royal Samovar trophy to Davey Boy. The Natural Disasters attack him after the match, when suddenly ANDRE THE GIANT hobbles to ringside to make the save. Fans go mad for that, rightly so. Andre levels Quake with his crutch, shakes Davey’s hand, then leaves Bulldog to soak in the applause of his fellow countrymen. Hard to rate battle royals, but as entertainment, it served it’s purpose. **

 

Overall, a pretty crappy tape, even by the early 90’s standards. Flair/Santana is pretty decent, as is the tag title match, and it’s great to see the Bulldog getting such a huge ovation. On the other hand, everything else is terrible and you can see the Bulldog getting a better reaction at SummerSlam 92, plus you get a classic match with Bret Hart to boot. Not one to seek out.

 

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. Feedback would be, you know, lovely and stuff :-D

[Bruiser Chong 0]

Play-by-play = boring as hell. If you're going to make it so long, don't let it be because you're doing exact PBP. I felt like I was reading a SK rant, except without the jokes peppered in here and there. Cut down on the PBP and try and create a more unique style and you should be fine.

[Guest The Real Nosferatu]

If you do PBP, cut it to a minimal, or do a SK and slip in stupid jokes about Hogan to fill space.

 

Spend more time talking about pros/cons of the match instead of going into great detail on armbars and wrist locks, unless its a great match and you want to discuss it more indepth.

 

I do like reading a review of a tape I've never seen before on the otherhand. Just try to change the style a little bit.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

You copy pasted someone elses review twice in the same column, Kudos

 

Just fucking with ya, but put me down for a ditto on what the other guys said already. That shit was LONGWINDED.

[Guest The Real Nosferatu]

You copy pasted someone elses review twice in the same column, Kudos

 

Just fucking with ya, but put me down for a ditto on what the other guys said already. That shit was LONGWINDED.

It's nwoscorpian!!! (or whoever did the plagerism thing)

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

Could be I guess, he did get around his banning before. Not that I'm accusing...

 

Anyway, the guy has the basic idea right, he just needs to trim it up a bit.

[DCMaximo 0]

Thanks for the feedback, especially as I was expecting a response total of approximately zero. Yeah, fucked up by pasting it twice from the word document I'd written it in originally ( I swear it was my own- if I was going to copy someone, I would have copied someting better :-D). Point taken on the PBP, I think I could feasibly have lopped off about half off what I wrote. I'll try something else for later on this week, probably an XPW video I've been lent, for contrast if nothing else.

[Guest The Real Nosferatu]

NOOO!!!!!!

 

But if you do, the next one after better be old school WWF or WCW/NWA.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

We then join Gene at ringside as he interviews Earthquake and Jimmy Hart. Hart tells Boss Man he needs Earthquake insurance, while Quake tells Gene a lame joke. “Do you know how far it is a boat ride from the US to here? Real far! That’s why we took the plane”. Jimmy laughs as if this was the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

WTF?!