The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 This thread is LSD...on LSD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Yes, yes he is. Thanks for clearing that up. I had a hunch. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brush with Greatness 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 The Major Announcement will be revealed in exactly 145 minutes. Stay tuned.... Perhaps he meant exactly 145 hours. (seeing as it is now well past 145 minutes) So we only have about 124 hours to go. *waits in anticipation* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 20, 2004 (edited) Ok, let me give the Quick N Dirty, if you will: - Last weekend, I went to her house and saw her practice ballet in front of me. Apparently, she's been a ballerina for years, dating back to her days in the Ukraine. She was in full attire, too. She looked luminous, resplendent and incredibly radiant. Seeing her spin 360 degrees in front of me as she stood on her tip toes was titillating, to say the least. Anyway, during this time, I got acquainted with her mother who periodically came into Natalie's room to check on her and I. They had a party that night, and I was cordially invited by Natalie and her mother to attend. At the party, the Russian guests were initially withdrawn, but loosened up with the assistance of Russian Vodka. Boy, is there LOTS of drinking at Russian parties!! I got pretty drunk, but was still sensible. During the "dancing session" in which parents and adults alike dance with one another, I proposed a dance with Natalie. She happily obliged, and as we danced for a few minutes, I heard a voice behind say, "Can I steal her back." It was her boyfriend Jacob, replete with nose brace. He and his family -- also Russian -- are friends with Natalie's parents. I was really pissed, but didn't want to start anything so I let him dance with her. Natalie seemingly forced herself to go along with it, too; her head and eyes were downcast the entire time -- a sign of her displeasure. During tea time, her parents somehow segued into a discussion about why Natalie left Jacob. I couldn't thoroughly understand them because they would speak both Russian and English, but I think I got the gist of it, thanks in large part to Yelena -- and her parents who were also invited -- who translated most of the stuff for me. Jacob got really emotional and started asking Natalie (in Russian) why she left him. Natalie's parents -- especially the father -- was pissed that the only boy whom he'd permit to marry Natalie, Jacob, wasn't with her any longer. To compound matters, the father, who was drunk as hell, got into my face and started cussing me out in Russian. Yelena, who later made sense of it later on, told me that her father FORBADE me to ever lay my eyes on his daughter ever again. Apparently, the father has major beef with me because I'm Catholic and not Jewish like his daughter (Natalie). Anyway, I was pretty much the object of dissatisfaction until the guests drank more. I was summoned by Yelena up to Natalie's room to be given a full analysis of what was said. Once I was told that I was forbidden to ever see Natalie again, I was really depressed and perturbed. Yelena, who was stupefied, nonchalantly said, "C'mon, it's no big deal" and stuck her hand down my pants. At this exact fucking time, Natalie walks into the room, says, "hey" and becomes hysterical when she sees her friend's hand down my pants. I tried to explain that it was a misunderstanding and if it wasn't for her friend's impaired judgement, I wouldn't have a hand down my pants. Yelena apologized to Natalie and said, "she wasn't thinking," but this didn't prevent Natalie from silently sobbing. Just as she was about to lock the door to the bathroom, I used my force to turn the knob and join her in the bathroom. Here's a transcription of what I said, "Natalie, that was a misunderstanding, your friend is drunk to all hell...she didn't know what she was doing, Ok? I would never do anything to hurt you...you're the best thing to ever happen to me, you've given me a reason to live, a taste for life that I didn't have before...your smile and your green eyes are the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Natalie: "Screw You, you're full of it, you're just like the other guys who aren't loyal to their girlfriends. At this moment, out of frustration, I pushed Natalie against the bathroom wall and whimpered, "You have to believe me dammit! I won't ever do anything to sadden you...I love you. At this point, Natalie believed me and then slowly wrapped her arms around me, as we shared a nice moment together. Natalie: I love you too, but I don't wanna see what will happen to you if you stay in my life. My father and Jacob's father have been orchestrating a marriage between Jacob and I. The reason why I left Jacob in the first place was because he'd verbally abuse me. But there's a reason for that -- I was unwilling to give myself to him. I'm still a VIRGIN. I didn't feel like I was ever ready to make myself entirely vulnerable to him and his needs. You're different, you're the man I always envisioned living with, but as much as I love you, you better leave me for the time being; otherwise, you'll get hurt. Jacob's dad...if Jacob's dad finds about his -- and believe me Jacob will tell him -- he'll hurt you really bad...I don't wanna see that (she was really emotional, here). His dad has KGB connections." Oh shit... I'll get her back, or at least find a way to rectify this problem. But look on the bright side, and I mean very bright side -- SHE'S STILL A VIRGIN~! Edited January 20, 2004 by rawmvp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Regardless of the reality of the rest of the thread: Do you always have such cliched fantasies? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 20, 2004 What do you mean? Cliched fantasies? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 You're smart enough to be using them big fancy city-boy words, you should understand what I mean. All of the situations in this update happened a little too conveniently, dig? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 20, 2004 When you think about it, gravity is pretty convenient too. If it was off 1/000 of a percentage point, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sandman9000 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 For the love of all that is holy, make it stop. There's lots of drinking at Russian parties No SHIT!? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Hey, I thought they were conservative people. They sure act like it...until they get drunk. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 [playing along] rawmvp Posted on Jan 20 2004, 12:18 AM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you think about it, gravity is pretty convenient too. If it was off 1/000 of a percentage point, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Nobody invented gravity and based it upon every teen drama the WB has ever puked out of it's creative offices. [/playing along] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Hey rawmvp, write this down: 1-843-819-7190. Tell this Yelena to give me a call. Girls that just shove their hands down guys' pants are all right with me. Heck, you can call me too and keep me up to date every hour of these scintillating happenings. Oh yeah, don't worry about the KGB, just take a rolled-up newspaper to them. That'll larn 'em. But yeah, have this Yelena call me. I always wanted a Ukranian girl. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Firestarter 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 (edited) I was wondering when it'd turn out that she was a ballerina. By the way, for your next draft, you might want to make a note of the fact that the KGB officially doesn't exist anymore - it hasn't for almost 13 years. If you're trying to be ominous here to foreshadow the hired assassins that you'll have to defeat in hand-to-hand combat to save Natalie's life and win her love, you might want to use the Federalnaya Sluzhba Bezopasnosti instead. Y'know, in order to add credibility* to the story. *hmmmffbwahahaHAHAHAHAHA Edited January 20, 2004 by Cancer Marney Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Olympic Slam Report post Posted January 20, 2004 His dad has KGB connections." ........................., I don't know where to begin with that. But if you're really worried about defunct and ficticious organizations of danger, I suggest finding out if he has connections with the Foot Clan and the Putty Patrol as well. Can never be too safe, you know. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jay Z. Hollywood Report post Posted January 20, 2004 (edited) By the way, for your next draft, you might want to make a note of the fact that the KGB officially doesn't exist anymore - it hasn't for almost 13 years. If you're trying to be ominous here to foreshadow the hired assassins that you'll have to defeat in hand-to-hand combat to save Natalie's life and win her love, you might want to use the Federalnaya Sluzhba Bezopasnosti instead. Y'know, in order to add credibility* to the story. *hmmmffbwahahaHAHAHAHAHA I think the jig, as they say, is up. And I'm not going even going into how asinine the "WOOHOO! SHE'S STILL A VIRGIN!" proclamation was. I've already mentioned how fucked up this guy's romantic and sexual priorities are earlier in this thread (if I didn't I meant to) but elaborating would require thought and this thread doesn't really deserve thought. Props to SP though on the alternate ending- didn't know the dude could write like that. Edited January 20, 2004 by DuskTillDawn Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Murmuring Beast 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Some observations. I was really pissed, but didn't want to start anything so I let him dance with her. Natalie seemingly forced herself to go along with it, too; her head and eyes were downcast the entire time -- a sign of her displeasure. Dumbass, she was looking at his bulge. Apparently, the father has major beef with me because I'm Catholic and not Jewish like his daughter (Natalie). Easily solved. Just lop off the ol' foreskin. At this moment, out of frustration, I pushed Natalie against the bathroom wall and whimpered OMG TEH WIFE BEATOR~ But look on the bright side, and I mean very bright side -- SHE'S STILL A VIRGIN~! Sad, sad little man. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest reshad974 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 now that's an interesting turn of events! and I knew the big announcement has something to do with natalie's father, someone wanting to kill him and KGB !! anyway thank you for this very funny reading ! and please keep us up to date with your life more often (three times a week would be great) and btw, what's so great about natalie being a virgin? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 20, 2004 what's so great about natalie being a virgin? That will all be revealed in his next Big Update. Also in the next update he explains how to fit the equivalent of a small city into his jacket pocket, and exactly what a nose brace is, I mean I could be wrong and I apologize if I am, but I didn't realize that they had braces for broken cartilidge. Unless Jacob's father used his KGB connections to steal the Undertaker's old mask. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Nose mask is like what Chris Nowinski wore to the ring. But this was just really sad. I guess he likes the tight hole or something. Nowadays there are some chicks who save themselves, not a huge shocker. You could have written this better rawmvp. I'm disappointed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Hey, all those KGB guys had to go someplace. I saw this video clip of a couple guys in the Russian mob whipping the shit out of some guy on a crowded street in broad daylight. Maybe her dad knows those guys or some shit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Oh my god.......this is sad. You realize that you've taken any shred of credibility you might have had an thrown it out the window? Let's see where to begin with no realism: -man that's a pretty big russian community you have down there. do they live in "little russia"? -there is no more KGB dumbass. Nice try though. Should've studied your history first. -nice promo in the bathroom. how long does it take you to memorize those lines? -of course i knew we were going to get the "drunk friend causes a misunderstanding" thing. Dude this is sad. Please stop. We all know it's fake. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Why do you have to be a naysayer, Damaramu? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CanadianChris 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 This thread has become every bad romantic comedy I have ever seen in my life. And not in a good way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EricMM 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 There's lots of drinking at Russian parties You RACIST~! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Why do you have to be a naysayer, Damaramu? You expect me to believe that!?!?!?!? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 20, 2004 You guys aren't entirely correct about the KGB; although it doesn't exist in that NAME, it is still an ongoing occurence, especially in the underground districts in Russia. It's not as visible or pervasive as it used to be, but according to Natalie and her Russian friends, the attitude of acquiring something by force or coercion is still prevalent in the Russian community. What do you guys think I should do? Save my ass and stay the hell out of dodge, or continue to pursue her? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 I think this fool lost any dignity he once had. This is just pathetic and completely laughable now. I laughed so hard, I cried....no wait, I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Put yourself in harms way....that makes for a much better story. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest reshad974 Report post Posted January 20, 2004 but according to Natalie and her Russian friends, the attitude of acquiring something by force or coercion is still prevalent in the Russian community. that's a very stupid comment. Do you understand that ? What do you guys think I should do? Save my ass and stay the hell out of dodge, or continue to pursue her? You want us to help you write a good-ending to this story, don't you? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest stardust Report post Posted January 20, 2004 Nobody give him an option. That way it can be like a "choose your own adventure" novel. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 20, 2004 You want us to help you write a good-ending to this story, don't you? Why do you make it sound as if I'm making this up? That hurts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
