Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 27, 2004 Where is the update? Was Natalie with you last night when you noticed the preponderence of German suplexes during the PPV? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2004 He is still thinking of what to write. He has to keep checking his theraurus too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Olympic Slam Report post Posted January 27, 2004 The sad part is, I think this story actually started out true. The fact of the matter is that either rawmvp got rejected by Natalie on the intial offer, or in more liklihood, never had the balls to ask her out and instead developed this farce, rather than face ridicule from TSM for being a coward. We all started to suspect this story was laced with lies after the odd ball nature of him asking her to "go out with him." This whole thing really didn't Jump the Shark until the now LEGENDARY encounter with the football player at the Barnes and Noble and the subsequent speech about little Johnny reading Harry Potter. From then on, it wasn't a matter of whether nor not this whole relationship is fake, but when did it start to get fake? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brush with Greatness 0 Report post Posted January 27, 2004 No, no. What I'm saying is that Natalie is probably a real person. I don't think those first few posts were a prelude to the story (or even part of the story) but rather someone seeking legit help in the relationship department. I would bet the first few pages of posts and truth. EDIT: Nevermind. I said what you said. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2004 I think that the idea well has dried up..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 28, 2004 Dammit Dama I thought he actually posted an update, when I saw this with a new post. But seriously, he's got other important things to worry about like German Suplexes and How Benoit's push is gonna be squashed because of his mic work last night. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 28, 2004 Sorry for being late again, but I barely have time to breathe with all the units I'm taking this winter intersession. I'm almost certain that I'll have time to type it up tomorrow. And Munky, you'll get the exclusive SPECIAL EXTENDED VERSION in the future. Edit: I'm still nowhere near the ultimate climax of what happened between Natalie and I. I'll probably talk about that in my ASTRONOMICAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 28, 2004 ::Wipes away Tears:: Sniff, I feel so special... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Silence 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2004 SPECIAL EXTENDED VERSION ASTRONOMICAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Oh great, now you're going for Foley's cheap pops. Just end the story already. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2004 He probably isn't close to ending it.....unless he has sex and then is killed by the fake "KGB" in a horrific bloodbath. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2004 Damn you RAWMVP admit this is all a farce and I'll sit back and enjoy. But the more you try to pass it off as real the more we're going to laugh at you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest reshad974 Report post Posted January 28, 2004 Sorry for being late again, but I barely have time to breathe with all the units I'm taking this winter intersession. I'm almost certain that I'll have time to type it up tomorrow. And Munky, you'll get the exclusive SPECIAL EXTENDED VERSION in the future. I'm still nowhere near the ultimate climax of what happened between Natalie and I. I'll probably talk about that in my ASTRONOMICAL ANNOUNCEMENT. yeah dude you don't have time to write updates about what seems important matters but you do have time to write about Benoit's lack of mic skills, Guerrero's botched moves......seriously dude, make it credible for god's sake! Edit : and now, fantasy WM XX booking over there ! and a very stupid one may I add..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 28, 2004 Sorry for being late again, but I barely have time to breathe with all the units I'm taking this winter intersession. I'm almost certain that I'll have time to type it up tomorrow. And Munky, you'll get the exclusive SPECIAL EXTENDED VERSION in the future. Edit: I'm still nowhere near the ultimate climax of what happened between Natalie and I. I'll probably talk about that in my ASTRONOMICAL ANNOUNCEMENT. yeah dude you don't have time to write updates about what seems important matters but you do have time to write about Benoit's lack of mic skills, Guerrero's botched moves......seriously dude, make it credible for god's sake! This hasn't been credible since Page 3 when he said Update: She's starting to warm up to me Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 29, 2004 .... It was really late when I got to Yelena's front door, but I was gonna ring the doorbell anyway. And I did. I thought I may have awakened her parents but she got to the door and opened it before they did. When she opened the door she was aghast to see me in the condition that I was in. I was wet all over, with water droplets hanging off my stubble; in wrestling terms, I was oozing machismo. She asked me to come in without causing a commotion, but my Nike Air Flights couldn't deny the squishy sounds they were making. She inquired as to why I was drenched, and I said, "Nat's dad f'n caught me and I had to get the hell out of dodge." She seemed empathic, yet somewhat happy. Why? As I stood there on her marble floor, I could detect a pungent peanut-butter smell, but I ignored it; with the throes I just surmounted, eerie thoughts or observations were probably a figment of my imagination. Just as I put my right foot on the first step of her staircase, I was reprimanded, " Have some manners...just take your clothes off here and I'll wash 'em for you, ok?...in the meantime, let me get you some dry clothes..." I replied, "You mean you want me to take all of my clothes off, including my underwear?" When I said this, I could feel a jolt of titillation pervade her spine as she excitedly said, "Yessssss." I took my soaked shirt off and plopped it on her cold, unforgiving marble floor; a few seconds later, I struggled to take off my black Levi's -- I was literally grimacing and wriggling like an incompetent simpleton. Seeing me in the impasse that I was in, Yelena grabbed both of my pant legs and with unmitigated ferocity took them off -- but just as she did, her momentum expelled her back against her front door, emitting a thunderous noise. Luckily, she suffered only a few scratches, and most importantly, her parents were still asleep. As I stood there in my Fruit of the Loom briefs, Yelena asked me to come up to her bedroom where the dry clothes were. I was still a little dazed, which prompted Yelena to grab the elastic waist band on my underwear. She pulled it towards her, stretching it to a size 38. As I walked into her room, the song "Erotica" by Madonna was being played on Yelena's C.D. player, but I wasn't fully cognizant of it because I was in my own zone. Standing there, nearly naked, I was ordered to remove my briefs. Abruptly, my mind conjured the song, "I know I'm keen, I know I'm sexy, I got the looks that drives the girls wild...." started playing in my head as I teased and tantalized Yelena with removing my Fruit of the Looms. I would stretch the waist band on my briefs forward, backwards, sideways, and 360 degrees. With each pulsating tease, Yelena got more and more acquainted with her seductive position on the bed. Suddenly, I had an epiphany. A sudden realization dawned upon me as I remembered Natalie's seraphic, porcelain face, lush lips, sultry, green eyes and sparkling teeth. I felt belittled, tricked and demeaned. How could Yelena betray her best friend after all of these years? I decided that enough was enough and put my foot down, "Dammit, Yelena... My underwear stays on...what are you doing? (At this exact moment, I ejected the Madonna C.D. and bent it as much as I could) I know you want me, and I want you, too...but you'll just have to do without me, dammit! Don't you have no shame or remorse!??? I will not let you treat me like your boy toy; I have something called values. And how can I bang you before I've even banged Natalie? You'll just have to find some household appliance and pretend its my member for the time being, okay?" The embarassed Yelena rebuts, " I've been thinking about you for the longest time, and have been dreaming about you ever since you dropped me off at my house tonight...you're unlike any guy I've ever seen...you make me feel like a woman who is on the verge of erogenous ecstasy...plus, Natalie doesn't even like you...she even told me that you're on the rebound after her relationship with Jacob went sour...she's using you for emotional support. Believe me, she isn't sexually attracted to you as I am" I counter, "You're a little lying vixen, aren't you? You're just envious of Natalie because she could get A's in Chemistry and Physics and you couldn't. And you know what, instead of laying on your bed like some slut, why don't you open your textbooks and start studying, DAMMIT! Don't you want to get good grades and make something of yourself or do you want to screw around with your life...study now and fuck later. Do you know what my credo is? First I'll get my honeys and then I'll get my monies!" Yelena: "No...come on, I want you. I think about you all the time...I breathe, sleep, and eat you... Ok, granted, only you can do the last part..." Me: "Get a life, you dirty Russian slut." Out of fn' nowhere, her cat comes scurrying over and starts licking Yelena near her crotch. The peanut-butter odor started to become more and more putrid...and I asked myself, "Why would such an attractive girl use peanut butter to lure her cat so she could get off?" I had the last word, "Looks like you found your companion for the night...I've heard of a pussy cat before, but this is ludicrous!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 29, 2004 OK No responses to this, since everyone jumped in last time with "Oh my God you fucked Yelena" (myself included). He decided to change course and come up with a different story and thats why I suspect that he's taking so long in between Updates. So feel free to laugh, mock, cry whatever strikes you but for the love of God don't give this kid any ammo to use.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 I had the last word, "Looks like you found your companion for the night...I've heard of a pussy cat before, but this is ludicrous!" Sir, you are the KING of wit. Well, besides the fact you wrote the "Looks like you found your companion for the night" line as the conclusion of the story, ended it, then went back and edited it a few minutes later adding "I've heard of a pussy cat before, but this is ludicrous." Apparently, your finishing statement didn't reach its unbelievable side-splitting maximum, so you had to add to it until the hilarity was at its breaking point. Congratulations. I think my lung shall soon pop out of my throat from all the laughing I did after that SUPREME comeback to "Yelena". Somebody call a doctor. I can't breathe. The laughing......oh god.....THE LAUGHING.... Oh yeah. The story wasn't too good. But I can't wait for the ASTRONOMICAL announcement. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Styles 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 I didn't like that one. At the least the other one's were well written, this one was just slapped together and without even a shred of possible credibility. I think it's time to give it up, the well is dry. I did like this though: "Dammit, Yelena... My underwear stays on...what are you doing? (At this exact moment, I ejected the Madonna C.D. and bent it as much as I could) I know you want me, and I want you, too...but you'll just have to do without me, dammit! Don't you have no shame or remorse!??? I will not let you treat me like your boy toy; I have something called values. And how can I bang you before I've even banged Natalie? You'll just have to find some household appliance and pretend its my member for the time being, okay?" Good lord... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 Natalie and I stepped into the extravagent ballroom arm-in-arm. She was looking radiant as always with her crimson dress permeating the soulless black garb that the other women in the room were wearing. Her hair smelled like a bouquet of tulips, roses, and dandelions that had just been picked out of a picturesque garden. Meanwhile, I was the epitome of rebellion with just a hint of class. My black jacket screamed that I was to become part of a revolution, but my white shirt and tie soothed those savage impressions and kept me looking refined. We danced along the dance floor, the envy of everyone watching in the room. I twirled Natalie as she danced with a kind of grace that I’m not sure even God could match. When our dance had concluded, the room gave us a standing ovation. We both bowed to our adoring audience and then Natalie gave me the most exquisite kiss…. Hark! What sound do I hear! Damn, it is only my telephone. It rattled my psyche to know that this scene had all been a dream that had occurred while I was in my slumber for the night. But I was sure that soon….soon….we would have a night like that. I quickly leaped to the telephone with the poise of a professional basketball player. I picked up the receiver and I could hear the sweet, engaging voice of my beloved Natalie. But alas, she sounded upset. It hurts me to ever think that such a fragile creature could be in distress. She asked for me to meet her at the pier quickly. I scrambled to put on my Gap shirt and blue jeans, making sure to look like the personification of hipness. I swiftly ran outside and grabbed my bicycle. The dark clouds in the air, and the slow drizzle that emanated from the sky did nothing to stop me. I leaped onto the bicycle seat and began pedaling towards the pier on the outskirts of town. I could feel my heart beating against my chest. What could await? What new chapters would be added to our relationship today, surrounded by numerous substantial steel vessels? Suddenly, my two-wheeled companion grazed against a stone and I could feel myself hurtling towards the ground! I was helpless in this fall towards oblivion. But fear not, TSMers. Although I slammed against the ground with great velocity, I was fine! I immediately hopped onto the bike and kept riding. The oozing sensation of blood running down my blood was frightening, yet strangely erotic. However, it did nothing to thwart me from meeting Natalie. What can I say….you do crazy things in love. I arrived at the pier and instantaneously, one particular steel monstrosity caught my eye. I could see people boarding the ship, looking melancholy as if their lives were ending, and I could see Natalie still standing on the dock. I ran to her, my passion fueling every step I took. Once I arrived at her destination, I quickly scooped her in my arms and planted my tongue in her luscious mouth. Overcome by my fervor and ferocity, she pushed me away, looking sheepish. It was then that I saw she had a rather large suitcase in her hand, and a rather large frown on her striking face. “Natalie, beloved, what’s going on,” I asked her with a perfect mix of tenderness and apprehension. “Oh, the most terrible thing,” she replied, trembling with every syllable. “Whatever it is sweetheart, I’m sure we can work it out,” I answered. I refused to let my confidence waver. “My delightful can of sour cream…. I’m being deported. Today!” I could feel my world crumbling around me. The mountains were tumbling to the ground, the oceans were being drained of all life…..the world was quickly losing all the luster and grandeur it once had. “Jacob….he called the government on me. He told them I was an illegal alien. They quickly scooped me up this morning and brought me here. I’m going back to Russia….but I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to you.” Suddenly, a quick feeling of anger and insurgence rose up in my throat. I demanded Natalie stay with me so we could fight against the country that is trying to keep us apart….at least I tried to demand this. However, my beloved must have read my mind. She put her finger on my lips and quickly soothed the savage beast that welled up in my heart and brought tears to my eyes. We gazed at one another for a good minute until we gave each other one last passionate kiss that rocked the very foundation of the world that we all lived on. Natalie grabbed her suitcase and scurried onto the dock. I screamed her name…”Natalie! Natalie!” but she wouldn’t look back. It would be too hard for both of us. As the boat sailed away towards that barren land on the other side of the globe, I knew my entire heart, any shred of happiness I would ever have, was leaving with it. The raindrops were soaking my hair, but I didn’t care. I knew what I had to do. I headed off to the airport with enough money for a one-way ticket. I’m leaving for Russia. And I’m not coming back. My love and I shall be reunited soon enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 rawmvp you are an idiot....seriously. You are the stupidest and saddest person that I have ever met. If you expect us to believe this that is. If you are just writing it as a joke by now....then you are just unfunny and need a better sense of humor. Plus......who actually talks like that? NOBODY! God I just want to reach through my computer and throttle you. Especially after reading your completely braindead posts you make in the WWE folder. Were you about to complain to Yelena that the promo she gave was bland and turned the crowd on her? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted January 29, 2004 Hey Dama that tryout is for OL right so I imagine you'd be doing some blocking drills.. Here's a surefire way to ace that. Pretend you're trying to block rawmvp from getting to his computer to post more of this drivel. It's gonna take some imagination but it can only help. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Downhome 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 My God, just...my God. This thread is without a doubt, the most shittiest thread in the history of the internet. I know I say that stuff makes me "want to hurt people" alot, but this thread makes me want to hurt people more than anything else I've ever read. Not only is the majority of what is in this thread by this moron fake, but it's very badly written. It's like, well, it's like some little 13 year old kid just took an English class and is in such a hurry to use as many big words as possible, in the most cliche way of all time. I give this thread ***** on the pure mindless bullshit scale. Congrats, you are a certified moron. I'll just say it, yes folks, the internet has reached a new low. If anything, this thread has taught everyone who has read it one very important lesson. You all know what it is, so say it with me... ...using big words and trying to "talk" poetically does not make you look smarter, more often than not you come off like a pompous idiot just craving attention. Ugh. *shoots thread in hope that it dies a painfull death* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rawmvp Report post Posted January 29, 2004 That was beautiful, NYUntouchable. One of the best things I've ever read and THAT says a lot. Edit: This thread gets *****? Awesome. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest nWoCHRISnWo Report post Posted January 29, 2004 Am I the only one who gets that he's TRYING to make this as corny and unbelievable as possible? The fact that he won't admit it's fake makes it that much better. And for the people who are saying they're actually mad at this now, it's only helping him out I'd guess. We know it's fake, he knows we know it's fake, so why does everyone have to be all "It's fake jeez give it up!" If you really didn't want to read anymore of it, DON'T and especially don't post here and give him more reasons to "update" us. Although I find the whole thing pretty hilarious so whatever... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 Am I the only one who gets that he's TRYING to make this as corny and unbelievable as possible? The fact that he won't admit it's fake makes it that much better. And for the people who are saying they're actually mad at this now, it's only helping him out I'd guess. You mean it's not real....? OH MY GOD NO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 That last one was like a porno without the actual payoff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TSA09 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 I still want my fake KGB bloodbath and death Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dutchse.cx 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 I don't care what anyone says, this remains "Fucking awesome." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 You mean it's not real....? It's more real than that girl in your sig Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 That was beautiful, NYUntouchable. One of the best things I've ever read and THAT says a lot. Edit: This thread gets *****? Awesome. You're like a big clueless rock. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CanadianChris 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2004 Will someone please kill him?? He's pissing me off!! [/simon Phoenix] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
