The Texas Chainsaw Massacre...

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

Despite some of you, i've been pumped for this movie since I first saw it's BEAUTIFUL Trailer (Easily, the best of the Summer). Now... i've been reading reviews for it. Reviews are mixed, my local paper gave it ** and say that they thought we wouldn't have to go through that type of gore after Kill Bill, now I read another review from Bloody-Disgusting, and all I can say is WOW...

 

Is the movie really this way ? The Trailer spooked me a bit, but this caught me off-guard...

 

How is it ? What can I expect ?

 

TCM Review

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

It has to be violent. They couldn't get away with it not being violent.

 

The problem I see in the trailer and commercials is that they seem to be doing more suspense with Biel hiding and crap...

 

That's just not TCM. TCM is getting beat in the head with a stick while your friend hangs on a meathook.

[Ripper 0]

If Jennifer Beals did a hardcore sex scene in it, then I'd go see it.

 

As it stands, Kill Bill and Mystic River get my dollars this weekend.

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

No, I knew it would def be a certain amount of violence... it's a "Horror" movie.

 

At least they don't give much away...

 

But, i've seen some reactions, read the reviews... I don't listen to all of that, I just see what I want.

 

But... is it that much ?

 

BTW, i'm not a "P***y", I don't scare easy, i'm just curious.

 

EDIT: I've also read that there isn't any nudity, so it gets a + in my book seeing as most "Horror" movies these days do show some sort of skin.

[Youth N Asia 0]

I'm going to see it tomorrow with an old girlfriend actually.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

It has to be violent. They couldn't get away with it not being violent.

 

The problem I see in the trailer and commercials is that they seem to be doing more suspense with Biel hiding and crap...

 

That's just not TCM. TCM is getting beat in the head with a stick while your friend hangs on a meathook.

Bullshit. The original TCM was more suspense then gore. FAR more.

[{''({o..o})''} 0]

Being the horror(and whore) buff that I am, I just picked up the original Special edition DVD, forgoing the new film unless I get in free from my oldest nephew or get head from my girlfriend again. Just sick of all the remakes.

[Ripper 0]

It has to be violent.  They couldn't get away with it not being violent.

 

The problem I see in the trailer and commercials is that they seem to be doing more suspense with Biel hiding and crap...

 

That's just not TCM.  TCM is getting beat in the head with a stick while your friend hangs on a meathook.

Bullshit. The original TCM was more suspense then gore. FAR more.

Exactly. thats what made the first one good. Too many "horror" movies today go with all gore, and try to be funny while forgetting that suspense is what makes something truely scary. And from all the reviews I read, this is another one of those "spray the set with blood" movies.

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

It has to be violent.  They couldn't get away with it not being violent.

 

The problem I see in the trailer and commercials is that they seem to be doing more suspense with Biel hiding and crap...

 

That's just not TCM.  TCM is getting beat in the head with a stick while your friend hangs on a meathook.

Bullshit. The original TCM was more suspense then gore. FAR more.

All the suspense was her RUNNING AWAY...not the standard cliche of hiding in a fucking closet.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

It has to be violent.  They couldn't get away with it not being violent.

 

The problem I see in the trailer and commercials is that they seem to be doing more suspense with Biel hiding and crap...

 

That's just not TCM.  TCM is getting beat in the head with a stick while your friend hangs on a meathook.

Bullshit. The original TCM was more suspense then gore. FAR more.

Exactly. thats what made the first one good. Too many "horror" movies today go with all gore, and try to be funny while forgetting that suspense is what makes something truely scary. And from all the reviews I read, this is another one of those "spray the set with blood" movies.

Yeah, but TSM did it in ways that take you by surprise. I mean the scene where the girl drops the flashlight and is being chased and you can only hear what's happening for the next 30 seconds... that's not Hitchcock but it WORKS. And it's not something you see in the trailers.

 

I really think that this has a shot at being great.

[Anakin Flair 0]

All the reviews I've heard say it sucks.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

chud.com says it's teh 0wnage.

[Downhome 0]

I am going to watch it tomorrow afternoon, and I can't wait. You have to remember one thing however...

 

...it is produced by Michael Bay.

 

If that means nothing to you, I understand. The point however, is that Bay is on the DGA Task Force on Violence and Social Responsibility.

 

I wouldn't think it'd be insanely vilolent with him on board. Besides, the original film had very little violence in it at all. It was based more on the mood and feel of the film, not to mention it was made to look like a totally true story.

 

I'll personally be very pissed off if this film is a huge gore-fest.

[Downhome 0]

Holy shit, I just went over to RottenTomatoes and wow, the poor reviews are coming in now.

 

35% Overall

 

19% Cream of the Crop

 

Here are some of the single quotes on the site...

 

"It's just as guilty as Blair Witch 2 for smothering bare-bones fright with ladles of gore."

 

"It's so caught up in concept and layout that it frequently forgets to push the jolt buttons."

 

"Next to this redundant, pointless and witless retread, the classic status of Tobe Hooper's original version is officially beyond dispute."

 

"This bloody, exploitative mess is the cinematic equivalent of a dumpster fire -- stinky but insignificant."

 

"This is easily the most gruesome, most pointless, episode of Scooby Doo ever."

 

"That it escaped the straight-to-video bin suggests that Hollywood's contempt for today's youth audience has reached a new level."

 

"Rather than exhilaration, this bilious film offers only entrapment and despair. It's about as much fun as sitting in on an autopsy."

 

"A remake that turns every kill into an opportunity for overkill."

 

"Drowns in red rivers of excess."

 

"Does convey the sense of being caught in a nightmare. A stupid person's nightmare."

 

...of course, I'm stilll going to see it so that I can form my own opinion. I still think that I'll love it, but I'm sure I'll see the faults.

 

The fact remains however, even if this film is good or bad, there is no reason that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre should have EVER been remade.

 

That's it, plain and simple.

[Guest Urine Sane]

Just got back, this movie is incredible. It's not about gore, it's old school horror, tension, not cheap scares. Great atmosphere and casting for this film. I can't say enough good things about it, this is what horror is supposed to be!

 

This does not feel like a remake at all, it has it's own identity, it's own legs, this movie is freakin insane. Not much gore, more implied than anything.

"It's just as guilty as Blair Witch 2 for smothering bare-bones fright with ladles of gore."

 

"It's so caught up in concept and layout that it frequently forgets to push the jolt buttons."

 

"Next to this redundant, pointless and witless retread, the classic status of Tobe Hooper's original version is officially beyond dispute."

 

"This bloody, exploitative mess is the cinematic equivalent of a dumpster fire -- stinky but insignificant."

 

"This is easily the most gruesome, most pointless, episode of Scooby Doo ever."

 

"That it escaped the straight-to-video bin suggests that Hollywood's contempt for today's youth audience has reached a new level."

 

"Rather than exhilaration, this bilious film offers only entrapment and despair. It's about as much fun as sitting in on an autopsy."

 

"A remake that turns every kill into an opportunity for overkill."

 

"Drowns in red rivers of excess."

 

"Does convey the sense of being caught in a nightmare. A stupid person's nightmare."

 

These people don't know shit about horror.

[Guest Ram]

I've heard from everywhere but critics that it's awesome.

 

No critic will like it mainly because it's a remake of a horror movie.

[Downhome 0]

Again, not that I care what other people say as I love the horror genre period. I know that most will dog this one since it is a remake, but once again, it shouldn't have been remade in the first place. I had to post this though, as I thought it was funny as hell.

 

Yes folks, it's Roger Ebert's review of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), which he gave a big fat 0 *'s...

 

BY ROGER EBERT

 

The new version of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is a contemptible film: Vile, ugly and brutal. There is not a shred of a reason to see it. Those who defend it will have to dance through mental hoops of their own devising, defining its meanness and despair as "style" or "vision" or "a commentary on our world." It is not a commentary on anything, except the marriage of slick technology with the materials of a geek show.

 

The movie is a remake of, or was inspired by, the 1974 horror film by Tobe Hooper. That film at least had the raw power of its originality. It proceeded from Hooper's fascination with the story and his need to tell it. This new version, made by a man who has previously directed music videos, proceeds from nothing more than a desire to feed on the corpse of a once-living film. There is no worthy or defensible purpose in sight here: The filmmakers want to cause disgust and hopelessness in the audience. Ugly emotions are easier to evoke and often more commercial than those that contribute to the ongoing lives of the beholders.

 

The movie begins with grainy "newsreel" footage of a 1974 massacre (the same one as in the original film; there are some changes but this is not a sequel). Then we plunge directly into the formula of a Dead Teenager Movie, which begins with living teenagers and kills them one by one. The formula can produce movies that are good, bad, funny, depressing, whatever. This movie, strewn with blood, bones, rats, fetishes and severed limbs, photographed in murky darkness, scored with screams, wants to be a test: Can you sit through it? There were times when I intensely wanted to walk out of the theater and into the fresh air and look at the sky and buy an apple and sigh for our civilization, but I stuck it out. The ending, which is cynical and truncated, confirmed my suspicion that the movie was made by and for those with no attention span.

 

The movie doesn't tell a story in any useful sense, but is simply a series of gruesome events which finally are over. It probably helps to have seen the original film in order to understand what's going on, since there's so little exposition. Only from the earlier film do we have a vague idea of who the people are in this godforsaken house, and what their relationship is to one another. The movie is eager to start the gore and unwilling to pause for exposition.

 

I like good horror movies. They can exorcise our demons. "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" doesn't want to exorcise anything. It wants to tramp crap through our imaginations and wipe its feet on our dreams. I think of filmgoers on a date, seeing this movie and then -- what? I guess they'll have to laugh at it, irony being a fashionable response to the experience of being had.

 

Certainly they will not be frightened by it. It recycles the same old tired thriller tools that have been worn out in countless better movies. There is the scary noise that is only a cat. The device of loud sudden noises to underline the movements of half-seen shadows. The van that won't start. The truck that won't start. The car that won't start. The character who turns around and sees the slasher standing right behind her. One critic writes, "Best of all, there was not a single case of 'She's only doing that (falling, going into a scary space, not picking up the gun) because she's in a thriller.' " Huh? Nobody does anything in this movie for any other reason. There is no reality here. It's all a thriller.

 

There is a controversy involving Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill: Volume 1," which some people feel is "too violent." I gave it four stars, found it kind of brilliant, felt it was an exhilarating exercise in nonstop action direction. The material was redeemed, justified, illustrated and explained by the style. It was a meditation on the martial arts genre, done with intelligence and wit. "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is a meditation on the geek-show movie. Tarantino's film is made with grace and joy. This movie is made with venom and cynicism. I doubt that anybody involved in it will be surprised or disappointed if audience members vomit or flee.

 

Do yourself a favor. There are a lot of good movies playing right now that can make you feel a little happier, smarter, sexier, funnier, more excited -- or more scared, if that's what you want. This is not one of them. Don't let it kill 98 minutes of your life.

 

...good god Roger, why don't you REALLY tell us what you thought of it?

 

On a side note, this man gave Hellraiser 1/2 * and said about that one "This is a movie without wit, style or reason, and the true horror is that actors were made to portray, and technicians to realize, its bankruptcy of imagination."

 

He gave Phantasm 2 *, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Part 2 *, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors * 1/2, and he gave GIGLI **1/2.

Edited October 18, 2003 by Downhome

[dubq 0]

Meh, I don't care what reviews say. I'll judge for myself.

[Guest Urine Sane]

Go see it. It's great.

[Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20]

$10 bucks says that fat lump, Ebert didn't like it becuase of Jessica Biel not showing anything.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

The thing about Ebert is this: I have liked films he's disliked before, but I have never disliked a film he gave a great rating and told everyone to go out and see. That's the hallmark of a great reviewer. You may disagree with him sometimes... but he doesn't waste your money.

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

I was about to post the hilarious Ebert review, have it on my clipboard now. You forget to mention that he gave it a zero-star rating. But then again, he gave POPEYE, yes Popeye, with Robin Williams, a higer score than the Godfather Part II, so whatever.

[Downhome 0]

You forget to mention that he gave it a zero-star rating.

D'oh, I fixed that now.

[Guest Frank The Tank]

I just got back from it and loved it. I didn't think it was as violent and realistic as the original and it didn't leave me feeling disturbed or anything. They didn't really tarnish Leatherface at all and he is still a scary mofo in this one. His mask sure did suck though. Jessica Biel gave a good performance in this one, but I thought R. Lee Ermey stole the show as the insane sheriff. They didn't need to remake this movie, but I thought this was a very good remake. It doesn't embarrass the original at all. I read that Ebert gave a higher review to XXX than he did to Fight Club.

[Youth N Asia 0]

Who ever took Ebert serious anyway?

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

Not gonna spoil anything but it plays like a sequel more than a remake frankly. Has a few things in common with the first movie scene wise but it really just seems like a totally different story that involves the fucked up family. It's decent and I'll freely admit it was a lot better than I thought it would be, but it just can't touch the first one. Not bad though.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

On a side note, this man gave Hellraiser 1/2 * and said about that one "This is a movie without wit, style or reason, and the true horror is that actors were made to portray, and technicians to realize, its bankruptcy of imagination."

 

He gave Phantasm 2 *, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Part 2 *, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors * 1/2, and he gave GIGLI **1/2.

And Siskel was the one with the Brain Tumor?

 

Don't ever trust Ebert, he's a pawn of the studios and whomever pays him the most

[HellSpawn 0]

Being the horror(and whore) buff that I am, I just picked up the original Special edition DVD, forgoing the new film unless I get in free from my oldest nephew or get head from my girlfriend again. Just sick of all the remakes.

Is that new DVD out now? The original's new DVD.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Just got back from watching it, I thought it was going to suck. I enjoyed it.

[NoCalMike 0]

Question: was there use of a meat hook in this one?