Hank Kingsley 0 Report post Posted December 13, 2003 EXT. MY LOVELY TEXAS RANCH – DAY My camera pans across the rolling plains, grazing cows, and full-scale wrestling ring. As my spacious mansion is focused upon, a cow moos in the background. [PRODUCTION NOTE: IF THE COW CAN’T MOO, CALL EJIRO FASAKI TO DO IT. HE’S PRETTY GOOD.] ME (V.O.) It is a bright, chilly day in Texas. While most people are out Christmas shopping, playing video games, or masturbating, one man trains. One man focuses all of his energy upon one single goal: championship gold. Though he already wields the power of ten bulls and the vitality of a demon, he continues to work harder, to become faster, stronger, and better than ever. After all, what better place to train for a Texas Deathmatch than in the heartland itself? CUT TO INT. MY LOVELY GYM – STILL DAY The hulking, strong, impressively sexy physique of Charlie Matthews flexes and flexes as he uses one of those fancy Bow-Flex machines. Meanwhile, I stand next to him, shouting various words of encouragement. ME AGAIN [NOTE: REMEMBER TO TIME BEGINNING OF MONOLOGUE WITH EACH OF CHARLIE’S REPETITIONS] I – C – T – V! I – C – T – V! Come on, Grap, push it! You’ve got four days to become the strongest man you can possible be! You’ve got four days to take the lowly carcass of that gothic – headed stepchild and pound it mercilessly into oblivion! Now Charlie steps up and away from the machine. He wipes the sweat from his forehead with a towel and then shakes my hand, like a true gentleman. He sits down on a bench and produces a bottle of water, of which he takes an enormous swig of, since he is an enormous man. ME EVEN MORE (V.O. AS I CONTINUE PANTOMIMING ENCOURAGEMENT IN THE BACKGROUND) Now, while Mister Matthews continues to focus, I guess I should tell you a little bit about him. See, Charlie was once a man with a burden, a man with…a dark past. You see, he was once…a game show fanatic. CUE: “COME ON DOWN” BY CRYSTAL WATERS CUT TO ARCHIVED FOOTAGE: SWF GROUND ZERO, AUGUST 10, 2003 THE LATE, GREAT ROD RODDY (V.O.) QUIZ! SHOW! COME ON DOWN~! Quiz and Show both step between the ropes and enter the ring, standing next to the lovely Vicky Black, as they hold up their microphones to speak. The crowd, however, enthusiastically lets the tandem know just how much they care. Quiz ignores this and speaks. QUIZ Welcome to tonight’s pay-per-view special! We have not two, but FOUR contestants in the studio tonight, and they are The Unholy Trinity and International Incident! Show, the answer is: The thing that all of these beautiful people in Omaha, Nebraska are going to see tonight! Show lifts his microphone up, and the crowd continues to jeer. SHOW WHAT IS AN ASS KICKING?! QUIZ You are correct, sir! CUT TO MORE FILE FOOTAGE [PRODUCTION NOTE: SPLICE TOGETHER CLIPS OF SHOW AT HIS ABSOLUTE WORST. I SUGGEST GETTING BEAT BY DACE NIGHT AND GETTING HIS BOOTY KICKED BY CROW AT GENESIS IV.] ME SOME MORE (V.O. AS THE CLIPS PLAY) See, this Show persona just wasn’t cutting it for him. He would later get injured during an unimportant title reign and come back two months later with ME as his manager yet again. Change is good. CUT TO EXT. THE ROLLING HILLS OF TEXAS – DAY CUE: GONNA FLY NOW My camera pans over some hills, as a figure can be seen in the distance sprinting up the hill. The camera zooms in all the way (because my camera is really expensive so it has a very good zoom feature) and reveals that it’s Grappler! And I’ll be standing on top of the hill shouting more words of encouragement as he sprints up. Then, when he reaches the top, I step on the conveniently placed RAZOR SCOOTER and scoot at Charlie, running him over as I race down the hill at breakneck speed! ME (SUPPOSEDLY RIDING DOWN THE HILL. BY NOW I AM ACTUALLY OUT OF SIGHT AND DOING THIS AS A V.O.) Come on, Grap! If you don’t get up in ten seconds, this exercise was worthless! I’m counting now! ONE! … TWO! … THREE! … FOUR! … FIVE! However, since Charlie is all man, he gets up after five and stands at the top of the hill. GRAPPLER *GUTTURAL ROAR* [PRODUCTION NOTE: IF CHARLIE IS TOO TIRED TO PRODUCE A GUTTURAL ROAR, CALL ANNIE ONITA. I HEAR SHE CAN DO ONE PRETTY WELL.] CUT TO EXT. MY FULL-SCALE WRESTLING RING – DUSK CUE: EYE OF THE TIGER Charlie stands inside of the ring as a wave of jobbers runs at him as the music starts [PRODUCTION NOTE: FILM THIS SCENE OF CHARGING JOBBERS MUCH LIKE THE CHARGING UBERVAMPS IN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON SEVEN EPISODE TWENTY-TWO, “CHOSEN”.] Meanwhile, I stand in the ring with Charlie, in referee attire, with a concerned look on my face. ME Grap, I don’t know, man! These guys look Dace-like deadly! You think you can take them all? GRAPPLER Bring ‘em on. Bring ‘em ALL on. I’ve seen worse things in my life…I’ve seen Dace’s girlfriend. When the big beats in the song hit, the first jobber hits the ring, and Charlie catches him! Hiptoss to JOBBER ONE! Back body drop on JOBBER TWO! A THIRD JOBBER runs but Charlie catches him with a big boot! I jump up and down energetically as if I was at ringside watching him do this to Dace at TWAS THE FIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. ME Wow, Grap, that was fabulous! Now- OH NO, OH MY GOD, THERE’S MORE! [PRODUCTION NOTE: SAY THIS IN A CONVINCING FASHION – WE NEED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE NEXT WAVE OF JOBBERS IS A TRUE COLLECTION OF BADASSES.] GRAPPLER Bring ‘em on. Bring ‘em ALL on. I’ve seen worse things in my life…I’ve seen Dace’s girlfriend. ME (V.O. AS THE JOBBERS CONTINUE TO RUN) Yes, he is a man of few words. But he is charismatic in ways most cannot even fathom. He has the intangibles that keep him in the upper tier of the SWF. The upper tier – where he’s been his entire life. And the jobbers attack! But Grappler doesn’t feel a thing. Now he starts to hit his big moves. Judgment Slam on Jobber 1A! STO to Jobber 2B! Airplane Spin on Jobber 3C [PRODUCTION NOTE: CHOREOGRAPH THIS SEGMENT SO THAT AS GRAPPLER SWINGS THIS JOBBER AROUND, HIS LEGS AND HEAD HIT OTHER JOBBERS AND KNOCK THEM DOWN]! Finally the last one runs but Charlie picks him up and slams him to the mat with the world-renowned POWERBOMB! Now Charlie drops down to the mat and pins him as I begin to count very slowly! ME ONE! … … … … TWO! … … … THREE! RING THAT DAMN BELL! RING BELL DING! DING! DING! CUT TO INT. MY LOVELY LIVING ROOM – NIGHT Grappler and I are sitting on one of my spacious couches in front of my 54” flat-screen television, watching a tape of the December 10th edition of SWF Storm. I have a coffee in my hand and Grappler is sipping a YJ Stinger (to keep up his badass image). ME Ow, see, Grap, you can’t let him reverse the Sleeper Hold like that! That must’ve really hurt! GRAPPLER Eh, it didn’t even bruise. ME (V.O.) Yes, he is a truly indestructible man. Dace Night had better be prepared for the worst. As the TV screen is shown, Dace powerbombs Charlie from the apron into the dumpster. Now Grappler picks up the remote and forcefully shuts off the television [PRODUCTION NOTE: CHARLIE MUST BE MADLY IN ANGER BEFORE WE FILM THIS SEGMENT. WE NEED TO CONVEY HIS TRUE EMOTION]. ME Grap, you may not like it, but last Wednesday happened. Dace got the better of you. Are you gonna let that punk get the best of you again? You have a shot at the INTERCONTINENTAL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP. Think of all the title matches you’ve won on your first try – the SJL TV, the SJL European, the SJL World, SWF Tag Team…Grap, this isn’t just another plaque on the wall. Winning this title will let the higher-ups realize who the hell you are. You’ll be the number TWO man in the fed – although technically, you’re already number one. At this point Grappler stands up and begins pacing around the living room. Once again, anger, focus, and determination are the emotions that need to be portrayed here. GRAPPLER Dace, screw the fanfare, screw the fans, and screw Mark Stevens. There’s only one thing you need to know: come December 16th, I’m going to *wrestle* that ICTV Title away from you. Only then will you find out that there is NO … WAY … OUT … [PRODUCTION NOTE: ZOOM IN CAMERA TOWARDS GRAPPLER’S FACE WITH EACH WORD.] EXTREME CLOSE UP ….of Texas. Now, the closing scene is tricky. The camera will be laid down on my marble coffee table facing towards the television. At that moment, an advert comes up on the screen for the big PPV match. CUE: “I WON’T BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS” BY BLINK-182 OMINOUS ANNOUNCER (V.O.) TWO MEN, BOUND BY BLOOD, HATE, AND THE INTERCONTINENTAL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP. CUT TO VARIOUS CLIPS OF DACE AND MATTHEWS FIGHTING ANNOUNCER (V.O. con’t) This Tuesday, two men will look to give one another a Texas sized beating at the SWF’s final pay-per-view of the year. CUT TO SPECIFIC SHOTS: DACE DEFENESTRATION, GRAPPLER POWERBOMB, GRAPPLER SLEEPER, DACE ELBOWS. ANNOUNCER (More V.O.) DACE NIGHT CHARLIE MATTHEWS A TEXAS DEATHMATCH FOR THE SWF ICTV CHAMPIONSHIP CUT TO ORDERING SCREEN ANNOUNCER Pepsi Max® presents the SWF’s TWAS THE FIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, Live and only on pay-per-view this Tuesday, December 16th. DON’T miss it! FADE OUT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dace59 0 Report post Posted December 13, 2003 Why hasn't this had comments. It's a fucking brilliant mix of comedy and massive build. Really nice work man. But you do realise I have to have Dace anal rape you with a Chainsaw now for dissing his Misses? Good good. Oh, and you know that whole Mutoh scale thing? I'm gonna turn it into the Grappler Scale ... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ace309 0 Report post Posted December 13, 2003 That was indeed an excellent promo, Grap. I look forward to you exercising your promo muscle more in the future. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
