fazzle 0 Report post Posted December 31, 2003 A remake of the original Amityville Horror? WHY? Goddamnit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2GOLD 0 Report post Posted December 31, 2003 You REALLY haven't been keeping tabs on the horror film world have you? It seems every horror film is being remade, revisioned or whatever the hell they want to call it. I know at one time, someone was pushing to remake Halloween but I think that died off. Least I hope so cause if I see Halloween remade, someone may be hurt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted December 31, 2003 I didn't care much for the original anyway Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boner Kawanger 0 Report post Posted December 31, 2003 Here's a plot summary for the remake, from...some website that you can trust... Four teenagers move into a house for the summer before their senior year of college. No, that's too old...senior year of high school, yeah, that's believeable. As soon as they get unpacked, strange things start happening. The main girl character goes outside in a white tanktop to investigate, and it starts raining. She runs into an old man (who is standing outside in the rain...which also makes sense) who explains the plot in an easy-to-follow manner. Instead of that whole lengthy, hard-to-follow "the guy went crazy and killed his family" junk from the first film, the story now goes "the guy had an odd skin condition which drove him crazy, and then he killed his family". Brilliant, we know. The girl (who is still dripping wet by the way) goes back in. There's a sex scene (with no nudity) and then one of the guys gets stabbed with a hunting knife...no...a hook? No...a sharp stick...yes. One of the guys gets stabbed in a sharp stick. The gang (all three of them) decide to stick in the house until day to make sure they're completely safe, but then realize maybe one of THEM did it! But...which one? Before they can go about solving the mystery, a guest arrives. Its their geeky friend who loves horror movies. He is also bound to a wheelchair and has a Stephen Hawking-style voice box...wait, no. He's just on crutches. But he still has that voice box. He also has a sassy attitude. The gang (back to four) forgets their problem and dead friend (whose body is in the hall and still bleeding) and they start drinking BEER! Soon, they're all wasted off that six-pack, except for the Girl in the White Tanktop, who refuses to drink while someone is trying to kill them. Her cell phone (!) rings and it gives her the bright idea of trying to call the police, but unfortuneately, the phone line has been cut! And she doesn't get free service on her cell phone for another TWENTY MINUTES! Then someone spills beer on her nearly dry tanktop. A lot of beer. The three drunk teens (who are no longer in high school since they're all drinking) find the house's hot tub and, not unlike a popular dating show, get in and the girls make out with the crippled kid. Then the killer (who isn't a ghost) shows up and chases them all upstairs. But the crippled kid (none of the characters are ever named, just like how some artsy film would handle it or something) can't get up the stairs because the house IS NOT HANDICAP ACCESIBLE. This is one of the underlying messages of the movie. It will be beaten over the audience's head when the characters deliver a monologue about it. Then the cripple is decapitated by the killer's sharp stick. The remaining teens suspect Tanktop Girl, and send her down into the basement to protect themselves. Meanwhile, the old man is still watching the house. He decides to do something, but the killer stabs him in the mouth with the sharp stick. Back in the basement, Tanktop finds a portal to HELL. And the heat from the portal causes a waterpipe to burst and soak Tanktop Girl. Upstairs, the other two (I think its only two left, but I'm not sure. I only wrote the movie) are killed at the same time when they're impaled (go Thesaurus!) by the Killer! Tanktop heads back upstairs to tell them of her discovery and finds the Killer, who unmasks to reveal...Tanktop Girl?! No, its her twin sister, though. She tells Tanktop Girl that she died in a freak accident when she was thirteen. She had just been diagnosed with a strange skin condition when the freak accident (never specified) killed her. She went to Hell for...making fun of handicapped people! Then she tries to stab Good Tanktop Girl with the sharp stick. But she missed and falls back into the portal (did I mention it keep growing? It keeps growing and is now upstairs). Tanktop Girl holds a funeral for all her friends and exits the house. The house explodes. Cue heavy rock strack from Drowning Pool. Cue credits. Signed, The Writers (All Six of Us!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ravenbomb 0 Report post Posted December 31, 2003 You think THAT'S bad? http://imdb.com/title/tt0338096/ I'm calling right now that this movie will bomb harder than Gigli did Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mosaicv2 Report post Posted January 5, 2004 i also heard their makin a Dawn of the Dead remake which was a better movie then Amityville Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boner Kawanger 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2004 They already made the Dawn remake. I saw a trailer for it before the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which obviously inspired that legitimate news report I posted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Just J Report post Posted January 5, 2004 The Dawn remake looks ok. But I really have no problem with remakes, as long as they are done correctly, i.e. TCSM. But AH, from that summary, looks pretty shitty. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Steviekick 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2004 You think THAT'S bad? http://imdb.com/title/tt0338096/ I'm calling right now that this movie will bomb harder than Gigli did Agreed. That just says craptacular. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest FrigidSoul Report post Posted January 6, 2004 I'm waiting for HellRaiser to be remade into a musical with Rupert Everett starring as pinhead. *Rupert Everett lays puzzle box on the top of a dresser, looks up, and then goes into song* Should I open this box of mystery? Should I ignore the warning given to me? Yes I think I'll open this booooooooooox *chains rip forward and suck him in* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HarleyQuinn 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2004 Also they're supposedly making a remake to Suspiria...*sigh* Watch 'em ruin this one Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vyce 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2004 Also they're supposedly making a remake to Suspiria...*sigh* Watch 'em ruin this one Please tell me you're joking about that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2004 Relax dudes. Remakes are made all the time. One of two things happens: A) It's good, in which case you have nothing to complain about, or B) Nobody cares, in which case you shouldn't either. Remeber the Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake? Godzilla? The Blob? Hell, Mighty Joe Young? They made no difference to anything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
