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Paris Hiltions has got nothing on Dr. J

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Edit: Holy shit did I fuck up a simple name like "Hilton" in the title.

 

Okay so the source is the New York Post's Page Six so take it with a grain of salt.

 

January 26, 2004 --  PARIS Hilton and Julius Erving have something in common. Yup — they've both had sex in front of a video camera.

 

The Dr. J video was delivered to PAGE SIX last week as the hoops hall-of-famer, 53, was headed into court again in his divorce from his wife of 31 years, Turquoise.

 

The tape was apparently shot several years ago. It shows Erving — who went to the NBA finals four times and led the Philadelphia 76ers to a title — in a hotel room wearing a sleeveless undershirt, boxers and metal-framed glasses. The Afro of his early years is gone, and the gray of his later years has yet to arrive.

 

His co-star is a voluptuous, dark-haired young woman with cinnamon skin wearing a negligee. A radio in the background is playing "Sea of Love" by the Honeydrippers as Erving adjusts the camera. The couple sips white wine and chats inaudibly before the kissing begins and they get naked.

 

The two unhurriedly run through several positions, including a Kama Sutra-like contortion. At one point on the radio, an early morning weather report of fog is announced for San Jose, Santa Cruz and Monterey.

 

Erving has had two childen out-of-wedlock since marrying Turquoise — tennis player Alexandra Stevenson, 22, and a 6-year-old identified in divorce papers last year.

 

The Seminole County, Fla., court ordered Erving, who listed his net worth at $9 million, to pay Turquoise $1,500 a week, plus household expenses and $8,000 a month for credit card bills.

 

"He made agreements to do things. He did not do those things. We're about to have a hearing for enforcement and sanctions," Turquoise's lawyer, Andrea Black, said.

 

As for the video, Black said, "I'm sad it's reached this point. We've been trying to resolve this amicably. Making something like that public would help no one."

 

Both husband and wife live in Orlando, Fla., where state law allows spouses to divorce without assigning blame for such things as adultery, abandonment or intolerable cruelty.

 

Erving's lawyer, Andrea Cain, denied any knowledge of such a tape, but said if such a tape existed, it wouldn't be introduced as evidence: "I can't see any relevance. Florida is a no-fault state."

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I feel nothing but the need to laugh at anyone who records themselves having sex and then is shocked when the tape gets out.

 

If you are recording yourself having sex, just save everyone the time and effort and send it to Playboys "homemade tapes of bad f*cking"

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The Seminole County, Fla., court ordered Erving, who listed his net worth at $9 million, to pay Turquoise $1,500 a week, plus household expenses and $8,000 a month for credit card bills.

 

How about just taking her credit cards away?...

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The Seminole County, Fla., court ordered Erving, who listed his net worth at $9 million,

Anyone else think that an NBA Hall of Famer with numerous sucessful business investments should have a net worth higher than 9 million dollars

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Why the hell is his wife named Turquoise? I mean, seriously...Turquoise? Did I miss something here, or isn't that a color?

 

And $8,000 a MONTH for credit cards?? The hell? She needs to get a job.

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Now we just need the tape of Paris Hilton having sex with Julius Erving.

There is probably one floating around. the script prolly goes like this

 

(In some random Miami hotspot)

 

Paris: Hey, didn't you used to play football for the Jets isn't your name Doctor OJ or something like that

Dr. J: Actually, I played basketball in the 1980's for the 76ers

Paris: O really let's go to my hotel room

 

(11 minutes later)

 

Dr.J ( busts out camera)

Paris: Are we gonna make a movie. I love movies

Dr.J Come on baby I am gonna slam dunk that pussy

Paris: Ok, hold on let me fix my hair then we can fuck

 

(9 minutes later)

Paris: Hold on, I gotta answer my phone and then you can put it in my ass

Dr. J: Bitch please, take some of the Doctor's special cough syrup

 

(THE END)

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