A look at the Catwoman trailor

[AndrewTS 0]

Credit: Cinebomb2 from agonybooth.com forums.

 

A fellow b-movie fan named snark sent me the bootleg Catwoman trailer which has received so much flak lately, and while the image quality is extremely pixilated, I'm confident that I can give an overview for those who didn't get a chance to see it before Warner Bros. stripped it from the Internet. So, without further ado, here's my analysis of the movie that will surely be crowned the worst of 2004:

 

We begin with the WB logo, accompanied by a foreboding boom on the soundtrack. After some quick shots of a generic city, we zip inside an office building and hear Halle Berry doing a voice-over. My guess is that she's trying to build some sort of actual character here, as her voice is very timid and meek.

 

"I'm not like everyone else," she says as we see Halle shuffling through the office, being brushed aside by more confident individuals than herself. "I've spent my whole life feeling trapped, afraid to fight for who I am." So far, the trailer hasn't been particularly bad, but then things start to go awry. "But for this life to end, another must begin." During this last bit of the voice-over, we're shown a shot of Halle's face which zooms in on her pupil. The pupil goes from being human to almost...cat-like! Dun, dun DUN!

 

When we zoom back from the pupil, we see that Halle has gone from being a nebbish, librarian-type to full-on biker chick, with a huge head of bleach blonde hair and leather outfit to boot. This leads into a second or two of footage showing Halle racing down the streets on her motorcycle, much like the footage seen in trailers for action fizzlers like Paycheck and the upcoming I, Robot.

 

Suddenly the trailer switches to another scene where dogs are barking viciously at Halle, leading her to screech (almost cat-like!) at the canines. This reduces the animals to whimpering, which leads Halle's friend to ask, "What the hell was that?" Halle quickly responds with, "Allergies?" Hoo boy. On a side note, the friend is played by a Mad TV regular, which makes me want to cry. You're not going to be taken seriously if you're in this dreck!

 

We're past the 30 second mark at this point, so of course we have to get some shots of Halle in her now legendary costume, climbing over a fence (almost cat-like!) and then dropping down a shaft of some sort while being shot at by a guy who looks remarkably like Steven Seagal. This leads into a scene at a restaurant where Halle is presented with a platter of sushi which she begins to eat voraciously (alomst...oh never mind). "You like the sushi, eh?" her date asks, sounding a lot like Rob Schneider in his You Like the Juice? skits. Halle just smiles, her cheeks puffing out from the amount of sushi inside. Oh, the wackiness.

 

The trailer slips back into being generic with the coming of some silly cards, the first of which reads, "THIS SUMMER." We get more shots of Halle jumping and doing random things any superhero would normally do in a trailer for their movie. The card, "THE CITY IS" gets shown, and a second or so of kung-fu footage is shown where Berry gets to show her fighting chops to the world. The final card says, "FULL OF RATS," and everyone collectively moans in pain.

 

But we haven't even gotten to the best (sic) moment of the trailer, which has Halle in full Catwoman garb at a bar. The bartender hands her a cup and says, "Cream. Straight up." Halle then chugs it down in one gulp. Can we say RIDICULOUS? More action follows, we see the logo for the movie, Halle licks her lips back at the bar scene, and a blood red card reads, "JULY 2004."

 

"You like bad girls?" Halle asks her date at the restaurant, and then we see Halle wielding her S&M whip which cracks at the screen and ends the trailer. Total running time: 1 minute and 1 second. Total amount of time it took to completely kill any shred of good buzz this movie had before this trailer hit the Web? 1 minute, 1 second.

 

Are we sure Schumaker's name isn't on this?

[Guest El Satanico]

This movie HAD good buzz?

 

They so ripped off the character's "background" from Burton's Catwoman.

[HarleyQuinn 0]

*shudders* Man, I thought the costume alone was enough to make this movie horrible but...gah that trailer sounds bloody awful

[Ravenbomb 0]

*points and screams*

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

"Suddenly the trailer switches to another scene where dogs are barking viciously at Halle, leading her to screech (almost cat-like!) at the canines. This reduces the animals to whimpering, which leads Halle's friend to ask, "What the hell was that?" Halle quickly responds with, "Allergies?""

 

 

Genious

[AmericanDragon 0]

That trailer has been out for a while now if you haven't seen it.

 

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=17274

[AndrewTS 0]

Thanks, I didn't know where to actually find the trailer myself.

 

What, no scene where Halle's "in heat," or are they saving that for the movie itself?

[Jonathon 0]

that sounds like the biggest pile of fetid dog crap i've ever heard..i hope it bombs worse than "gigli".

[Kahran Ramsus 0]

Will this film hurt Batman if it flops badly enough?

[Guest El Satanico]

I don't imagine that it would.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

That crap isn't even worthy of being a rental.

[Guest El Satanico]

And unfortunaly it'll probably do well for at least the first weekend.

[Downhome 0]

I FINALLY saw the trailer, but had to download it from Kazaa. My God, could this get any worse?

 

It it true they have pulled the most recent trailer from the net?

[Lord of The Curry 0]

When I saw Van Helsing on Sunday they aired a trailer for Catwoman.

 

The entire theatre was laughing by the end.

 

Is this the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar?

[Downhome 0]

Is this the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar?

No, I believe she passed away.

 

Since winning the award she's been in Die Another Day, X2, and Gothika. Didn't she basicly say that she's now too good for X3? How she can do this pile of crap, Catwoman, and then pitch a fit about not wanting to be in X3, I'll never know.

[nl5xsk1 0]

Is this the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar?

Yes, this is the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar. It's also the same Halle Berry that didn't deserve an Oscar.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

I saw the trailer on television and immediately thought of The Crow seeing as Halle goes, "They say when a person dies a cat can comeback and return the soul to right the previous wrongs". That's when I realised this will most likely have nothing to do with the Catwoman in the Batman universe as she didn't really die after being thrown out a window by her boss. She was a woman who took care of numerous cats, and used that to motivate her revenge. In this movie it looks like she was mugged, burried, and cats visited the Graveyard.

 

After this film and Mike Myers destroying Dr. Seuss' work, and the CG Garfield set to come out soon there should be no more movies about felines for 10 years or more.

[Guest Salacious Crumb]

I saw the trailer and had an almost uncontrollable urge to gouge my eyes out. If anything hopefully this will kill that Jynx spinoff that they were planning for her.

 

Can anyone explain the hype around here. Aside from the occasional good performance she typically sucks and puts little effort into her roles.

[starvenger 0]

I saw the trailer and had an almost uncontrollable urge to gouge my eyes out. If anything hopefully this will kill that Jynx spinoff that they were planning for her.

I think they already did.

 

Since winning the award she's been in Die Another Day, X2, and Gothika. Didn't she basicly say that she's now too good for X3? How she can do this pile of crap, Catwoman, and then pitch a fit about not wanting to be in X3, I'll never know.

I'd guess that she actually wants to carry an action movie, which will never happen in an X-Men movie. Not that I think that she SHOULD, mind you, but that's probably what she's thinking.

[2GOLD 0]

So this is Dark Angel meets The Crow meets....a pile of steaming dog crap.

 

Ok, just out of curiousity, who else is in this film with her?

 

ETA: Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt and the annoying French guy from the Matrix films?? AHAHAHA

 

Nothing like a Heather Hunter porno with Sharon Stone.

[Kahran Ramsus 0]

The audience didn't exactly respond very well when I saw it with Troy. I think it is safe to say that it isn't just fanboys that think it looks terrible, but the mainstream audience as well. Just like I have been saying all along. I don't care if she's Selina Kyle or whatever. I care that the whole thing looks like Batman & Robin.

[Guest JMA]

I'm guessing that when this movie is seen for the first time the people involved will claim they were TRYING to make it look ridiculously stupid. Just watch (not the movie, the people involved).

[razazteca 0]

Is this the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar?

Yes, this is the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar. It's also the same Halle Berry that didn't deserve an Oscar.

It's the Halle Berry that did the movie BAPS.

[Guest wrestlingbs]

Whats really scary is this trailer sounds like the other 100 action flicks coming out this year. Do Hollywood Producers just photocopy scripts from each other?

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Is this the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar?

No, I believe she passed away.

 

Since winning the award she's been in Die Another Day, X2, and Gothika. Didn't she basicly say that she's now too good for X3? How she can do this pile of crap, Catwoman, and then pitch a fit about not wanting to be in X3, I'll never know.

Isn't she in X3?

[2GOLD 0]

Is this the same Halle Berry that won an Oscar?

No, I believe she passed away.

 

Since winning the award she's been in Die Another Day, X2, and Gothika. Didn't she basicly say that she's now too good for X3? How she can do this pile of crap, Catwoman, and then pitch a fit about not wanting to be in X3, I'll never know.

Isn't she in X3?

 

At the moment, no.

[Downhome 0]

Isn't she in X3?

On IMDB the movie isn't listed on her profile, and on X3's profile her name isn't listed.

 

I'm sure it's not complete, but I haven't heard anything about her being in it for sure.

[Anakin Flair 0]

I've been seeing it on TV. I just don't see what people see in Halle Berry. She won one Oscar, so what? She's a horrid actress, and by the looks of it, will ruin what could have been a good movie.

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

Halle Berry hissing at the dogs is quite possibly the most insanely funny thing I think I've ever seen. I'm not sure why mind you but Good Lord, I was on the floor.

[Black Lushus 0]

yeah but a lot of recent Oscar winners make dog movies quickly after winning: Julia Roberts, Hilary Swank, Denzel Washington, Nicholas Cage...not one has made a follow up that would make you say "damn they need to win it again this year!" Halle Berry just joins the club...of course she deserved it simply for making sex with Billy Bob seem like it was enjoyable...i dunno, if I were a woman I can't imagine Billy Bob being able to knock the stuffing off...