Oldschool commentary Hilarity

[Guest Trivia247]

Armageddon 00

 

Lawler: Did you know K-kwik comes from a famous family?

 

JR: no I didn't know that

 

Lawler: K-Kwik's father invented the limbo dance? remember the Limbo?

 

JR: yeah?

 

Lawler: he invented it while getting into a Pay toilet without paying.

 

JR: now thats a low blow

[JHawk 0]

On Raw during the Kane/Taker-Austin/HHH feud:

 

Heyman: "Kane should not be allowed to use that cast as a weapon!"

JR: "Why don't you go tell him that? You're not doing anything!"

Heyman: "Because he scares the hell out of me. And I'm a fearless man!"

[Guest Trivia247]

Royal Rumble 01

 

Lawler: Remember back in the 80's , I made a name for myself by piledriving Andy Kaufman remember?

 

JR: And They made a movie about it that 8 people went and saw...

 

 

ZING!

[J.B. Buzzkill 0]

From RR '92:

 

Brain: "Thank you, Roddy! It's not a skirt, it's a kilt! It's a kilt!"

 

*Piper tries to toss Flair.*

 

Brain: "Why, you skirt wearing..."

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

From RR '92:

 

Brain: "Thank you, Roddy! It's not a skirt, it's a kilt! It's a kilt!"

 

*Piper tries to toss Flair.*

 

Brain: "Why, you skirt wearing..."

Since I saw the match the other day....

 

Heenan: Thank you Piper, it's a kilt, it's not a skirt, it's a kilt

 

(Flair puts Roberts in Fig-4, Piper breaks it)

 

Heenan: Why you creep! You skirt wearing freak! It's a skirt, not a kilt!

[J.B. Buzzkill 0]

My bad. Haven't watched it in a while.

[Addy 0]

On the old 'WWF Funniest Moments' video, they had a Bushwhackers match on there and Lord Alfred Hayes asked how the Bushwhackers were related:

 

Monsoon: Well, Luke's Father and Butch's father were..............................fathers.

 

*5 second silence*

 

Heenan: Well you certainly cleared that one up for us Gorilla!

 

Alfred Hayes: *legit laughter* Hahaha, Bobby!

[MillenniumMan831 0]

Before the 1/88 MSG show, Vince was running down the card w/ Alfred. Not verbatim or anything,

 

Vince: Also, we're gonna have The Hulkster team up w/ Bam Bam Bigelow to take on Ted DiBiase and Virgil.

 

Alfred: Yes indeed. It should be most interesting to see The Million Dollar Man team with the ever present . . . uhhh . . . Virgil. The ever present Virgil.

 

Vince: Now for all you at home, don't let Alfred get you too excited.

[JHawk 0]

ECW on TNN (just after the change to "The National Network" -- and this is paraphrased except for the "punchline"):

 

Joey Styles: "Do you realize that when TNN becomes "The National Network", their slogan is going to be 'We've got pop'."

 

Joel Gertner: "That's still better than their original slogan. 'TNN. We fuck pigs'."

[The Tino Standard 0]

Not exactly "Old School" but for me, nothing beats JR and Heyman at SummerSlam 01 right after the WWF title match... Austin just got himself disqualified to save his title, and they show the announcers after the match. JR is just RAVING about what a chickenshit Austin was for doing that and he's about ready to turn blue in the face. He finishes with something like "And, Paul, Austin knows he can't beat Angle! I dare you to deny that!!!!" (I'm paraphrasing here)

 

Heyman just gives him a blank look and then turns to the camera and is like "Hey fans, beginning this coming Saturday night, the WWF is going to have a brand new show called "Excess!"" JR just sits there fuming.

[JHawk 0]

Jim Cornette at Clash of the Champions X, about The Samoan Savage during his match with Steve Williams:

 

"He's so ugly he has to ambush breakfast."

[Guest Trivia247]

again not so old school but

 

WM 17 Gimmick battle Royal

 

Sgt Slaughter's entry...

during his video package

 

Mean Gene: And here we see the Sarge in action.

 

Heenan: Now a days he's just shooting blanks

[MillenniumMan831 0]

Monsoon: Boy, this crowd is going wild!!!

 

Heenan: I can't hear you!

 

Monsoon: Boy, I wish I could say the same . . . . . I wish I could say 'I can't hear you'.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

again not so old school but

 

WM 17 Gimmick battle Royal

 

Sgt Slaughter's entry...

during his video package

 

Mean Gene: And here we see the Sarge in action.

 

Heenan: Now a days he's just shooting blanks

Heenan: By the time [iron Sheik] gets to the ring, it will be time for Wrestlemania 38!

 

(during 1993 Rumble)

 

Heenan" By the time The Undertaker gets to the ring, it'll be time for Wrestlemania!

[Guest Trivia247]

Judgement Day 2001

 

At the SCSA vs Undertaker match

 

Vince: You don't mind if I join you?

 

JR: oh please it would be the highlight of my week..

 

Heyman: Get up JR! GET UP GET UP!

 

Vince: Thats ok Paul..

 

Heyman: SIT DOWN SIT DOWN!!!

[Australian Pride 0]

Bobby Heenan classics:

93 Royal Rumble as the Beserker enters - "give em a huss for me big boy"

 

And any time IRS wrestled - "he's standing on his tongue"

[JHawk 0]

I can't remember what show it's from, but I want to say Royal Rumble 88.

 

Ventura: Every athlete sweats, McMahon. If you were ever an athlete, you would know that. You mean that in...what's that sport with the balls and mallets? Croquet! You mean you sweat in croquet?

 

McMahon: Not so much in croquet, although in badminton you do work up quite a sweat.

 

Ventura [sounding surprised McMahon actually played along]: Badminton.

[Guest Trivia247]

Survivor Series 87

 

Ventura busts out the plastic Pilgrim Hat

 

Ventura: aren't you gonna say something about my hat?

 

Monsoon: its very nice...

 

Ventura: Its a family heirloom you know, This was worn by my Ancestor Efrimm the Body when he sailed on the Mayflower..

 

Monsoon: I thought you just got it from the Props Department..

[JHawk 0]

At Survivor Series Showdown 89, Gorilla and Heenan are discussing Rick Martel's heel turn, and of course Heenan is praising it.

 

Monsoon: I suppose you think Benedict Arnold was a standup guy.

Heenan: He did what he had to do, I think.

[TheOriginalOrangeGoblin 0]

From WWF's Hottest Matches

 

Gorilla: You were known for your short fuse back in the day eh Alfred?

 

Alfred: Yes, hahahaha. *laughs hysterically*

 

Gorilla: Yup you had a short fuse both figuratively...and literally.

 

Alfred: *still laughing*

 

Suddenly Alfred stops laughing.

 

*awkward silence*

[landy1987 0]

About Jimmy Hart:

 

Gorilla: How are you and that little weasel doing? Not weasel, pip squeak you called him

Heenan: You mean... I mean, who do you mean?

Gorilla: the Colonel

Heenan: I never called him...

Gorilla: You called him a runt too, didn't you?

Heenan: I did not!

Gorilla: Yeah, I think I had that marked down in my book somewhere

Heenan: Well if he's making remarks about me, then I'll have to retaliate

Gorilla: Well, he only referred to you as the Weasel, that's all

Heenan: That little shrimp said that!

Gorilla: Yes. Oh Shrimp! There's another one!

[JHawk 0]

Heenan: That little runt...I mean...

Monsoon: You just called Jimmy Hart a runt.

Heenan: No I didn't, I was clearing my throat. "HA-RUNT!" That's all.

[Guest Trivia247]

Summerslam 2001

 

rock vs booker match

 

With Rock nailing a low blow on Booker in front of JR and Heyman..

 

JR: I couldn't see, was that a low blow?

 

heyman: OH COURSE THAT WAS LOW BLOW YOU WERE RIGHT THERE YOU SAW IT PLAIN AS DAY!

 

JR: I may have missed that one

 

Heyman: YOU DIDN'T MISS IT YOU SAW IT WITH YOUR OWN TWO EYES!!!

 

 

Same match

 

JR: I personally want to see a winner by pinfall or Submission, not some Kiss your sister DQ result...

 

 

Yet again the same match..

 

Heyman: We could be One Spinorooni away from a successful Title defense.

 

JR: Im begging you guys come up with a better name for that, Sounds like something delicious Chef Boyar dee would make (sp)

 

Heyman: Well Im not from Oklahoma so I don't know anything about kissing a sister.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

From WWF's Hottest Matches

 

Gorilla: You were known for your short fuse back in the day eh Alfred?

 

Alfred: Yes, hahahaha. *laughs hysterically*

 

Gorilla: Yup you had a short fuse both figuratively...and literally.

 

Alfred: *still laughing*

 

Suddenly Alfred stops laughing.

 

*awkward silence*

Proof why Hayes/Monsoon couldn't be a good PBP team. Monsoon tosses jokes and Hayes completely no sells them. heenan would do everything possible to make something funny, even at his own expense.

[Guest Trivia247]

WM 10

 

Hart vs Yokozuna (with Piper reffing)

 

Lawler: I just realized something, remember back in WM8.. Who did Bret Hart Defeat to win the IC title?

 

Vince: (Calling the action)

 

Lawler: Im asking you a question....

 

Vince: (blurts out) The British Bulldog...

 

Lawler: WHAT?

 

Vince: No?

 

Lawler: No!

 

Vince: oh..

 

Proof that sometimes Vince just doesn't watch his own shows

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

Holy crap thats funny. I never noticed it ebfore, and I have the live PPV version.

[kirk angel 0]

Hogan/Savage at WM V

 

Monsoon: It looks like we have a difference of opinions.

Ventura:Yeah, well good for me.

[Guest Trivia247]

Hogan/Savage at WM V

 

Monsoon: It looks like we have a difference of opinions.

Ventura:Yeah, well good for me.

What was interesting about the WMV commentary on Savage, Hogan is that Jesse and Gorilla Sounded like they were getting in a Shoot arguement during the match. and Gorilla was giving as good as he got from Ventura..

 

Gorilla: Obviously you never had a manager..

 

Ventura: Sure I had a Manager Classie Freddy Blassi

 

Gorilla: YEAH and He Took your Career Right down the TUBES!

[kirk angel 0]

Hogan/Savage at WM V

 

Monsoon: It looks like we have a difference of opinions.

Ventura:Yeah, well good for me.

What was interesting about the WMV commentary on Savage, Hogan is that Jesse and Gorilla Sounded like they were getting in a Shoot arguement during the match. and Gorilla was giving as good as he got from Ventura..

 

Gorilla: Obviously you never had a manager..

 

Ventura: Sure I had a Manager Classie Freddy Blassi

 

Gorilla: YEAH and He Took your Career Right down the TUBES!

I was just about to post about the Freddy Blassi comment.

 

I like at the end of the match when Jesse is ranting about how Hogan makes him sick and he almost makes him want to come out of retirement.