SNL Review featuring my look back at this season

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Let’s see how many pages I can do this time in my extra big very bloated and way too long season finale review. It’s been quite the year (hopefully enough to fill 50 pgs on) so let’s look back:

 

In Memoriam 2004-

 

Johnny Cash: I'm not an expert on Cash or country music but I do know that the Man in Black was an American icon who also made great country music. It's pretty amazing that just last year Cash was able to resonate with a new generation thanks to the awesome "Hurt" video and song. I'm glad he gets to be with June again but I will miss the Man in Black.

 

John Ritter: Ritter's death really broke me up and was really sad. I actually met John Ritter in February of 2002. He was very cool and signed for everyone and even laughed when I said "I think Problem Child 1 and 2 are cinematic tour de forces." Ritter was one of my comedy heroes- and I take comedy VERY seriously. I always enjoyed anyone who was willing to do anything to get a laugh- and that was Ritter. He could've easily been overshadowed by Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers but by using his great comedic timing and physical humour he made sure people knew who he was and in 1985- he got the call to do Three's a Crowd. The guy showed he wasn't just a funny guy by delivering a terrific performance in Sling Blade among others. I watched a bit of 8 Simple Rules and found Ritter to be hilarious- he had great chemistry with Segal and both sitcom veterans knew what they were doing and knew how to get laughs. I know I will miss Ritter a whole lot- I'm just glad I got to meet the guy.

 

Stu Hart: Stu was one of those guys who you thought would live forever. The man was a true wrestling legend who has contributed to the business like few ever have or will. Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho and the British Bulldog were some of the legends who trained in at the Dungeon. At least Stu is now at peace and can be with Helen, Dean and Owen. He will be missed though. Thank you for everything Stu.

 

Road Warrior Hawk: I started watching wrestling by the time the LOD were past their prime but I always marked out whenever I heard OHHHHHHHHHH WHAT A RUSH. It’s a shame Hawk died as it sounded like he was just starting to turn his life around.

 

Yinka Dare: It took the guy three seasons to get an assist. And now he's dead. RIP Yinka Dare. You sucked.

 

Jeff Richards’ career

 

Sports Report for the season-

 

Just a note: I don’t do in-depth summaries of my teams that are still playing (except for the Braves) since there’s no good ending and I don’t want to jinx them.

 

Atlanta Braves- The SNL season began with the Braves winning Game 4 in Wrigley in one of the most emotional games I have ever seen. When Sammy Sosa hit that ball I screamed and almost broke into tears. But luckily the ball was caught and I couldn’t believe that we had escaped Wrigley Field and were going back to Atlanta with the chance to beat the Cubs and go to the LCS.

 

Game 5 was set and it would be Kerry Wood going up against the champion of the Denver school system- Mike Hampton. The game did not get off to a good start as the Cubs scored in the first inning. The Cubs actually scored in the first inning in three of the games and scored first in all but one. The game got worse when the Cubs scored in the second inning. I had written down ‘Winning is the only option’ on my hand as a rallying cry but I was distressed to find out that the Braves had discovered the other option:

 

Losing.

 

The Braves couldn’t figure out how to hit Kerry Wood or Mark Prior and it ultimately cost them big time. The fact that Gary Sheffield couldn’t hit period also did not do them very good. The Braves fell behind 4-0 and never really mustered a comeback.

 

For the second year in a row and the third time in four seasons the Braves couldn’t get out of the first round. I was quite upset but I like the Cubs so it wasn’t the end of the world.

 

Of course Steve Bartman had to ruin the NL side of things. AND GRADY LITTLE DIDN’T TAKE PEDRO OUT (Whenever discussing said event, it must be written in all caps since just thinking about it makes me very very angry since HE SHOULD’VE TAKEN PEDRO OUT). It should be noted that I was watching Game 7 of the ALCS with my roommate who has never watched much baseball in his life. This is an exact quote:

 

Roommate: Why didn’t he take the guy out? It looks like he’s tiring.

 

There ya’ go ladies and gentleman.

 

Off-season came for the Braves and like last year my big worry was the state of Greg Maddux. Last year Greg signed a one year deal and I was hopeful that the same thing would happen again and Greg would be brought back and all would be right in the world.

 

Then something funny happened. Well not really but work with me here. The Braves didn’t offer Maddux arbitration. Now I understand they probably couldn’t afford to bring him back- BUT OFFER HIM SOMETHING. I pretty much uttered the phrase ‘Why didn’t they offer him something’ many times over the next few days.

 

Then things got even worse when ESPN reported that Greg Maddux may sign….with the Yankees. Now as someone who became a hardcore fan of baseball because of Greg Maddux and looked up to him as my favourite athlete in all of sports- seeing him sign with the Yankees would’ve been too much. I have a framed Greg Maddux baseball card and I was prepared to destroy it had Greg signed with the Yankees. Thankfully that rumour turned out to be false and I could go one believing in God again. Greg soon went back to the Cubs and I was very happy for him. I wish he would’ve been able to get #300 in a Braves uniform but that’s not his fault as they COULD’VE OFFERED HIM SOMETHING,

 

The Braves also lost Gary Sheffield and Javy Lopez which pretty much elicited an ‘Oh well’ from me. Now granted Gary was great during the regular season as a Brave and helped us out a lot. But when it came time to the playoffs Sheff’s stats look like this:

 

.103 batting average, 1 HR, 1 RBI, and 3 strikeouts.

 

That’s not very good and I wasn’t that sad to see him go. Even that Mendoza guy is reading this and thinking: Damn.

 

Javy Lopez left which meant one thing. The question of: Why doesn’t Greg Maddux like to catch with him would never be asked again. I like Javy a lot- I’ve been a fan of his ever since Hardball 4 said he was black. Javy had an excellent year for the Braves and came through in the playoffs. I was very skeptical of his career year since it was a contract year and I didn’t think he was worth $6 million a year. I mean in 2003 the guy set career highs in runs, hits, doubles, home runs (he went from 11 to 43!), RBIs, batting average, on base percentage, slugging percentage and of course- total bases. Now I don’t see that happening again and with Johnny Estrada tearing up the International League, Lopez was expendable.

 

The Braves also lost third baseman Vinny Castilla, Robert ‘the ass’ Fick and Kent Mercker. The Braves tried to compensate for their losses by bringing in Antonio Alfonseca (The only man to ever fear the KISS Demon), John Thompson and they traded for off injured JD Drew. Unfortunately to get Drew they had to trade Dark Chocolate a.k.a. Ray King.

 

The Braves did not have particularly good off season but with no longer having Ted Turner’s money available I had become use to more goings then comings.

 

Despite all these changes I think the Atlanta Braves are still a very good ball club. With guys like Furcal, Chipper, Andruw in the lineup and Ortiz, Hampton and Smoltz throwing for you- you’re gonna win a lot of ballgames and I think they can contend for the NL East.

 

People have been thinking that the Braves time would come since 1999 when the Mets almost beat them for the title. I’m not going to believe the Decade of Destruction is over until someone other then the Tomahawk Team clinches the NL East.

 

And of course if they don’t win the World Series nothing would make me happier then seeing the Cubs win and Greg Maddux get another World Series ring. That and Fenway Park having ‘Kick Grady Little in the balls’ day would be a great 2004 baseball season.

 

New Orleans Saints- As the 29th season of SNL began- the Saints were off to a horrendous start. Someone must’ve told them it was December and that they were only one win away from a playoff spot. The Saints opened the season with 4 of their first 5 games coming against playoff teams and they lost all 4, including a terrible blow-off loss to the Colts.

 

October saw them get a break in the schedule as they had games against the Bears and the Vick-less Falcons. The Saints beat the Bears 20-13 thanks to TD passes from Aaron Brooks and then beat the holy hell out of the Falcons 45-17. Aaron Brooks threw for 352 yards and Deuce McAllister rushed for another 116 as the Saints just decimated the Falcons defence. The Saints were just starting to turn the corner when they ran into the Carolina Panthers. Unfortunately this was not the Saints team of a season ago that defeated every good team. The Saints kept it close the whole game and even led going into the 4th quarter. But Stephen Davis was too much for the Saints to handle as he ran for 178 yards and scored two touchdowns. The Saints were able to tie the game with 41 seconds left and the game went to overtime. A win would get the Saints to .500 and would keep them alive for a possible wild card berth, while a loss would badly kill their playoff chances and we would get another season of Aaron Brooks practicing his 5-iron. In overtime, Deuce McAllister fumbled the ball on the 31 yard line and Carolina recovered and went on to score a field goal and win the game.

 

Luckily the Saints were blessed with getting to play the Tampa Bay Bucs- a team they always seem to beat no matter what. Even though it was a close game, the Bucs were never able to take the lead and the Saints had their usual 100+ day from Deuce McAllister and John Carney kicked a field goal with 8 seconds left to give the Saints a third straight win over Tampa. The Saints had a bye and then got to face off against the hapless Falcons. Unlike their previous meeting in which the Saints had a 60 minute legalized assault- this game was different. The Saints were behind 20-3 at halftime. But Deuce MacAllister took over and the game started to turn around. Two touchdowns by Deuce cut the game to 20-17. Aaron Brooks was also starting to heat up and he would end up passing for 228 yards. With 5 seconds left John Carney did it again and the Saints tied the game and headed into overtime. In overtime Deuce McAllister fumbled the ball AGAIN but luckily Atlanta ended up missing a field goal and he was given the chance to redeem himself. And that he did with a 23 yard run to the 18 yard line that gave John Carney the chance to kick a 36 year old field goal that won the game and brought the Saints back to .500. The Saints then went to Philadelphia and faced the first place Eagles in a very important game. Like the previous game the Saints fell behind by 17 points early and were forced to comeback. But since unlike the Falcons, the Eagles don’t suck it wasn’t meant to be. The Saints were able to get within 9 points thanks to a 76 yard TD run by Deuce McAllister but Philadelphia responded by scoring 10 points and putting the game out of reach for the Saints. The Saints then went to Washington with a must-win game against the Redskins. The Saints this time took charge of the game early as they scored first but found themselves down 17-10 in the third quarter. Aaron Brooks tied it up with a TD run and the game was tied going into the fourth. The Saints used a 52 yard kickoff return by Keyou Craver and a TD pass to Boo Williams to take the lead and stave off the Redskins with a 24-20 win. The Saints entered the final month of the season 6-6 with every game counting.

 

 

The Saints began the month of December facing their old friends- the Tampa Bay Bucs, the team they had won three games in a row against. The Saints got a touchdown late in the first half to take a 7-0 lead. Then late in the second quarter things got bad. The Bucs got two touchdowns. The go-ahead one came on a blocked punt to add even more insult to injury. Deuce McAllister ran for only 69 yards and Aaron Brooks had 3 fumbles. The Saints postseason hopes were over. The Saints inconsistency continued as they beat up on the Giants the very next week. Why the Saints always play like this has been a mystery of mine my whole life. Aaron Brooks threw for 296 yards and 5 TDs which again- it would’ve been nice had he done this LAST WEEK. The next week was the most heartbreaking week ever as they were officially eliminated from playoff contention in one of the most bootleg endings ever. Despite Deuce McAllister running for only 59 yards, the Saints were able to keep it close the whole game and never let Jacksonville pull away. With no time left the Saints scored an insane touchdown that channeled the Music City Miracle to tie the game and send it into overtime!!!

 

Oh wait I’m sorry- THE ONE TIME SOMEONE HAS TO MISS THE EXTRA POINT IT OCCURS IN THIS GAME AND RUINS THE SAINTS PLAYOFF HOPES

 

Moments like that make me wonder why I still watch sports. So the Saints were officially out of the playoffs and I was once again pondering atheism.

 

The Saints faced Dallas in the final game of the year. John Carney made all his extra points and the Saints won the meaningless game.

 

While the Saints probably wouldn’t have made the playoff anyway- it’s hard not to think about what might have been.

 

New Jersey Devils- The Devils entered the 2003-04 hockey season as the defending Stanley Cup Champions following a seven game series win over Anaheim. During the off-season Ken Danyeko (who spent 21 years as a Devil) retired. Other then that the Devils not face many chances and were sporting the same team that had just won the Stanley Cup.

 

October was a pretty eh month for the Devils. Their offence got off to a slow start as they only scored more then three goals once. The defence was great as they held teams to under 20 shots three times. The Devils were off to a pretty okay start in their quest to repeat as champions and establish their team as a true dynasty.

 

The Devils were on fire in the month of November as they had a record of 8-1-4. The Devils got big wins over Colorado, San Jose and Ottawa. Brodeur continued to impress by picking up three shutouts. The Devils went on a thirteen game unbeaten streak and they were off to an impressive start on their quest to keep the Stanley Cup in New Jersey. The Flyers were also streaking and the Devils were unable to take over in first place.

 

December was another solid month for the Devils as they went 7-3-2-1. They got wins over Ottawa and Philadelphia and one night they embarrassed Washington by outshooting them 41-9 in a 3-0 win. Brodeur got three shutouts that month with backup goalie Corey Schwaab getting into the act with one of his own. In one game against Philly the Devils blew leads of 2-0 and 3-2 to settle for a 3-3 tie. It was not Brodeur’s fault as he made 37 saves to salvage a tie for the Devils. Despite another solid month the Devils were still not able to catch up to the Flyers and had to settle for second place.

 

January was not a great month for Devils Nation as the team limped to an 8-6-2 record and lost Scott Stevens to a concussion. The loss of Stevens’ would really hurt the Devils as it would prove to be very costly come playoff time. The Devils had bad losses to teams like Pittsburgh, Carolina and Nashville and got their ass kicked by Detroit 5-2. They had some wins here and there (Brodeur got 2 shutouts) but their subpar month meant they were unable to close the gap between them and the Flyers. While the Flyers were not able to pull away, the Devils were continuing to lose ground and the season ending injury to Stevens would only hurt their chances.

 

February was another struggling month for the Devils as they limped to a 6-6-1 record as they were clearly hurting without Stevens. They had a 3 game losing streak that included an embarrassing loss to the Rangers. Well it’s not like they lost 10-1 but any loss to the Rangers is embarrassing in my book. (And my review) They also had inexcusable losses to Washington and Atlanta. The Devils offence was also very inconsistent. They scored 7 goals against the Rangers and then scored 8 against Buffalo. But they were also shutout twice. The division title continued to slip further and further away.

 

March lit a fire under the Devils’ ass as they played with renewed passion and were running neck and neck with the slumping Flyers for the division title. Lou Lamorouello did not making many deals at the trading deadline choosing to only bring in Jan Hrdina. Even though the Devils played well that month they had two costly losses to the Flyers that really hurt their chances of winning the Atlantic Division. The Devils played consistently good hockey and finished off the month of March with a three game winning streak and a chance to win the division.

 

April began with the Devils having a home at home series against the Bruins with home ice advantage on the line. The Devils won the first game 5-2 and needed only a point in their final game against Boston to win the division title and clinch home ice advantage for at least the first round. The Bruins scored three goals in the first period, the Devils could only come up with 14 shots and the defending Stanley Cup Champions had to settle for the 6th seed and a first round meeting with the Flyers. I predicted that the Devils would win in 6 but this was assuming that Scott Stevens would be back and that Pat Burns was cancer free. I was wrong.

 

Game 1 saw the Devils get 39 shots on goal but Philly goaltender Robert Esche was sensational and pretty much stood on his head to limit the Devils to only 2 goals. Philly took another 3-0 lead in the third period and never looked bac. Esche was just stopping everything and the Devils could never get going even though they did get within one goal. Esche was simply too good and the Devils were down 1-0.

 

Game 2 was pretty much the same thing. Brodeur struggled in net and Esche once again closed the door on the Devils attempts to score. The Devils were more competitive in this game but Brodeur allowed in too many soft goals and the Devils headed back to the Continental Airlines Arena down 2-0.

 

Game 3 saw the Devils finally DO something. Patrick Elias and Scott Gomez finally showed up and one of them contributed on all four New Jersey goals. The Devils finally capitalized on their power play chances and this time were able to comeback whenever Philly took the lead. The Devils took the lead on a soft goal by Elias but a win is a win and they had a chance to tie the series in Game 4.

 

Game 4 saw Robert Esche return to his great goaltending that he showcased in the first two games as he stopped all 35 shots that he faced and put the Devils in a 3-1 hole, just like when they faced off in 2000. There really was nothing much that the Devils could do. Esche was unbeatable and unfortunately Brodeur was not able to match him shot for shot. The Devils had rallied from a 3-1 deficit before and there was no reason why they couldn’t do it again.

 

The Devils entered Game 5 in a do or die situation. They would have to win 3 games in a row and doing so would’ve meant that they would have to solve Robert Esche and Brodeur would have to start playing like he did in last year’s playoff run. Brodeur played 55 minutes of great hockey. Esche matched him and the game was tied 1-1 late in the third. It looked like we were about to get some overtime hockey. But a long shoot in by Danny Markov changed all that. It wasn’t meant to go in but it somehow beat Brodeur. You know that was one goal he probably wanted back. The Devils were unable to get anything done and the defending Stanley Cup Champions were eliminated in the first round for the second year in a row. Brodeur had another terrific MVP quality season but he wasn’t able to do what he did last year and keep the cup in the swamp.

 

It was revealed that Pat Burns has colon cancer and I’d like to wish him all the best. Pat’s a very good coach and I hope he can become 100% healthy and coach the Devils soon.

 

Vancouver Canucks- The Canucks entered the 2003-2004 season with high hopes for the team. They returned the same team that was one game away from the conference finals last year. They also signed Johan Hedburg just in case Dan Cloutier decided to choke like a huge bitch again.

 

Of course in Hedburg’s he got a shutout and then Cloutier proceeded to lose two games in a row. Besides that little mini goaltending controversy the Canucks got off to a great start and finished with a 7-2-2 record. Rookie Jason King got off to a fast start by piling up 5 pts. The end of October saw the Canucks give Todd Bertuzzi a big contract extension and all was well in Vancouver land.

 

November saw the Canucks continue to roll. They didn’t even lose at home until the 22nd when they played the Leafs. At one point the Canucks had 4 overtime games in a row and none ended in a tie! Jason King continued to play great hockey as he established himself as an early Calder Trophy candidate. He piled up 11 points in the month and looked to be a future superstar in the making. The Canucks had a slight edge over Colorado in the race to win the Northwest division.

 

December saw the Canucks continue their winning ways as they went 7-3-3. The one non-bright spot was Jason King going pointless for the month as his star and Calder trophy hopes were starting to dim. Still- it was a good month for the Canucks. They beat and tied Colorado the two times they faced them and Cloutier was able to get two shutouts. By the end of the year the Canucks had 50 points and were now 6 points ahead of Colorado.

 

January was another good month for the Canucks aside from a couple of bumps. They had a three game losing streak in the middle and lost Ed Jovanoski to an injury that would take a while to heal. The Canucks ended the month on a five game winning streak. Unfortunately for the Canucks, Colorado went 11-1-2-2 and were able to take over first place by a single point. I was very much against Colorado winning the division again since that’d be like their 10th in a row and I didn’t want them closing in on the Braves’ record.

 

The Canucks started to struggle in the month of February as they were hurting from the loss of Ed Jovanoski. They had inexcusable losses to Atlanta and Anaheim that really hurt their chances at catching Colorado and taking back the division title. Luckily for them Colorado struggled as well and as the month ended they were only a point behind. A game on February 16th against the Avs would end up coming back to haunt them. The Canucks won a close and very tense 1-0 game to break a 3 game losing streak. But that wasn’t the real story. Steve Moore knocked Markus Naslund out with a hit and was not penalized for it. This angered everyone on the team and they all vowed revenge the next time they played the Avs. This would end up really not working out.

 

March ended up being a pretty infamous month in Canucks history. They faced off against Colorado at the beginning of the month with thoughts of avenging the Moore hit. The Canucks ended up having to rally back the whole game and they were unable to go after Moore since taking a penalty could’ve cost them badly. The game ended up being a 5-5 tie and nothing was settled. 5 days later everything fell apart for the Canucks. They faced off against the Avs again. This time the game was a complete blowout which meant the floodgates were open for some vengeance: Vancouver style.

 

It should be noted that Vancouver style vengeance doesn’t seem to work out well in the end. Markus Naslund had some rescinded his calls for revenge on Moore but sadly Todd Bertuzzi is a stupid fuck and wasn’t listening. In the third period Bertuzzi sucker punched Moore in the head and then jumped on his back and drove him right into the ice. So long Steve Moore! Tony Granato even tried to get at coach Marc Crawford. Not for nothing but two coaches fighting would be so bad ass. Anywho this was not a good thing. It made front page news and anytime there is an ugly incident and it gets bad publicity in the NHL- you get suspended for a long time. Todd Bertuzzi, one of the best players on the team, and a very emotional player was suspended for the rest of the season and Vancouver was pretty much screwed. At the trading deadline Burke tried to replace Bert by acquiring Martin Rucinsky from the Rangers (who seemed to play better in NY), speedy Geoff Sanderson from Columbus (who was awesome), and defencemen Marc Bergevin. While Sanderson and Rucinsky were no Bertuzzi- you gotta appreciate the effort. The Canucks stumbled for a bit after the Bertuzzi suspension and it looked like the season was a lost cause. But luckily Colorado stumbled too and the Canucks were still in it as they went on a 4 game winning streak to end the month of March.

 

The Canucks continued their winning ways with a 4-1 lead over San Jose. They had taken back first place after it seemed like for a bit that all was lost after the Bertuzzi debacle. In their final day of the season the Canucks had a chance to clinch their first division title in a long time and end Colorado’s reign of terror. The Canucks delivered in an awesome 5-2 win over Edmonton that clinched the title and meant they had a first round game with the Calgary Flames. They had shown they could win without Bertuzzi and hopefully this would continue over in the playoffs.

 

Game 1 was a penalty filled game as the refs seemed to be calling anything and everything. The Canucks took advantage of all the penalties called against Calgary as they went 4 for 6. The Canucks took a 2-0 lead but Calgary showed the fact that it’s very hard to beat them as they soon rallied back and tied the game midway through the second period. Vancouver was able to get two more powerplay goals to close the gap and defeat the Flames. They were able to solve Kiprusoff for the first game and things were looking good.

 

Game 2 was a different story. Calgary scored two goals very early in the game and Kiprusoff never looked back. Vancouver was able to cut it to one goal on a controversial PP goal by Markus Naslund. Kiprusoff claimed he was bumped by Ed Jovanovski but the refs didn’t call it. Kiprusoff soon got over it and spent the third period stopping Canuck chances and the series was now tied 1-1 with Vancouver having to head to the raucous and rowdy Calgary Saddledome needing to win.

 

Game 3 did not start off very well for the Canucks. In a scoreless first period Dan Cloutier suffered the very common ‘lower body injury’ and that was it for him. Now this kind of freaked me out. My disdain for Cloutier is well known and now the Canucks had a goalie in there….who technically is WORSE then Cloutier. After falling behind 1-0, Vancouver continued to rely on its power play as Naslund knotted it up a minute later. Kiprusoff and Cloutier’s replacement, Jonas Hedburg, played great hockey the rest of the game as each team was battling for the coveted 2-1 lead. Kiprusoff was the one to blink first as Matt Cooke beat him less then a minute into the third. Hoglund and the Canucks were able to hang on. The Canucks and Hoglund were able to hang on for 19 minutes as the Canucks had taken a 2-1 series lead and took back home ice.

 

A funny thing happened in Game 4. The Canucks forgot to show up! Plus CBC pre-empted the whole first period thanks to Boston v. Montreal. I can understand wanting to watch an overtime game but the game was on French CBC and I think people could watch hockey in French for 20 minutes so I could see my hockey game. Of course the game I got saw the Flames completely dominate the Canucks in every facet of domination that there could be dominated. They even scored a shorthanded goal! This game disgusted me and I turned it off midway through the second. It turns out I didn’t miss anything as Calgary romped to a 4-0 win.

 

Marc Crawford had had enough of Hedburg by this time and replaced with Alex Auld who had spent much of the season in the minors as a member of the Manitoba Moose. I disagreed with this move since it wasn’t Hedburg’s fault they lost Game 4. The whole team left him for dead out there. He can’t control that. Auld would’ve gotten his ass kicked too. Nevertheless I had to have confidence that the Canucks could rebound and take a 3-2 lead. Special teams continued to be the different as the only goals scored in the second period were on the power play. Not counting the goal Ohlund scored on the delayed penalty- Vancouver had only ONE even strength goal. The lack of even strength scoring killed them in the third period. Jarome Iginla was the hero and scored a nice goal to give Calgary the lead. And since the Flames didn’t take any penalties, the Canucks didn’t score any goals. Game, set, match Calgary with Game 6 heading back to Calgary.

 

Game 6 turned out to be one of the best hockey games I’ve ever seen in my life and easily the game of the year. The Saddledome was rocking in anticipation for Calgary’s first playoff series win since 1989 when they won the Cup. This was a very daunting task for Vancouver. Calgary played undisciplined hockey the first period as Vancouver dominated the play and were going all out to win the game. They weren’t able to capitalize on any of their power play chances but with two minutes left in the first Rutuu gave the Canucks a 1-0 lead. The first half of the second period was an all out Vancouver assault as they beat the shit out of Flames and quickly had a 4-0 lead. The game looked to be over and we were headed back to Game 7 in Vancouver.

 

Not so fast. God bless their souls the Calgary fans were somehow STILL IN THE GAME. Darryl Sutter called a timeout and soon all hell broke loose. I don’t know whether I have ESP or just no faith in the Canucks but I had a feeling that Calgary wasn’t dead. I hate being right. Oleg Sapyrkin scored 15 seconds after the 4th Vancouver goal. Momentum…Calgary. 2 minutes later Ville Nieminen scored and I was suddenly getting very queasy and had to go to the bathroom. Calgary went into attack mode and I somehow wonder how we made it out of that second period with a two goal lead. Of course a minute into the third Martin Gelinas scored to make it a one goal game. At this point I broke my remote control and said a bunch of words that all happened to contain 4 letters. The Saddledome was on the verge of exploding, I was on the verge of a heart attack and CBC was on the verge of cashing in on a ratings bonanza. Calgary tied the game up 11 minutes later but you kinda knew that was gonna happen. In the span of 17 minutes Vancouver blew a 4-0 lead. I felt bad for Alex Auld since once again Vancouver had decided to take a powder.

 

We got overtime hockey from this and it was terrific. Auld made me look stupid by playing amazing in overtime while Kiprusoff was no slouch himself. Both teams were exhausted and you could tell it would be hard for someone to get that first goal. I nearly had about 10 heart attacks when Ohlund took a penalty in the first overtime yet somehow Vancouver killed it. At one point Calgary beat Auld….BUT HIT THE CROSSBAR! Martin Gelinas had a clear cut breakaway but Auld made a fantastic play and stopped it with his stick. After 40+ minutes of insane overtime hockey Brendan Morrison finally answered my prayers and came from the corner and beat Kiprusoff. We were going to a game 7 and Vancouver had the chance to win on its home ice. Calgary had blown it big time and I was starting to think they were cursed.

 

Game 7 broke my heart in many different ways. The game was scoreless for a while with both teams playing close tight don’t want to lose hockey. But Calgary was blessed with Jarome Iginla and he got a beautiful chance that Auld had no chance to save. Calgary had a 1-0 lead. It should be noted that Calgary scored first in Games 2, 3, 4, 5 and 7 which really pissed me off. At least the Leafs had the common courtesy to score first in all 7 games. Vancouver didn’t play with much passion for most of the game and I was getting really frustrated. They were down 1-0 on their home ice in a Game 7 but you couldn’t tell. Vancouver, whose powerplay was so dominant early in the series, now couldn’t get anything done on it. Finally the Canucks woke up and Matt Cooke became a hero, then a goat and then a hero. Cooke finally put Vancouver on the board 7 minutes in and I predicted we were going to overtime. So Cooke was a hero. Then Matt Cooke got 4 minutes on a high sticking penalty. Jarome Iginla again broke my heart and scored an amazing goal that beat Auld. So Cooke was a goat. The Canucks didn’t do much the rest of the game and Calgary looked like they had earned a berth to round 2. With 2 minutes left Andrew Ference went to the penalty box but the Canucks couldn’t do anything about it. While on the powerplay Ed Jovanovski took a stupid penalty and it looked the game was over. But come on- after Game 6 you had to expect the unexpected.

 

With everyone in Vancouver in prayer we got a miracle. MATT COOKE SCORED TO THE GAME WITH 5 SECONDS LEFT. TIE GAME! TIE GAME! TIE GAME! TIE GAME! I was convinced that Calgary was cursed at this point- like the Red Sox. I went insane and was running around cheering my head off. I turned off CBC at the end of regulation, put it on RAW for a few minutes and then began to do my superstitious things I do when the game goes into overtime. I was all done and I turned back on the TV. I noticed the players were shaking hands which struck me as odd since it was overtime. Then I noticed the scoreboard and it sunk in. Jarome Iginla, that son of a bitch, had broken my heart once again by setting up a power play goal for the Flames to win. I had missed the overtime period. That’s right- I MISSED THE OVERTIME.

 

But the big issue is and I plan to title my autobiography this:

 

HOW DO YOU TIE THE GAME WITH 5 SECOND LEFT AND LOSE?

 

Seriously. Calgary was FIVE SECONDS from their first playoff win and BLEW IT. Yet they still WON THE GAME. How does this happen? How do you lose momentum that quickly? How do the Canucks blow this? It was set up for them to win. If they were going to lose- JUST LOSE. Don’t TIE THE GAME WITH 5 SECONDS AND LOSE. That’s just cruel.

 

The Canucks, for the third year in a row, had blown it big time and once again broke my heart and left me staring at my television in shock and horror. They were supposed to show the hockey word they could rally on without Bertuzzi, I mean they had won the division without him. And come on- THEY TIED THE GAME WITH 5 SECONDS LEFT AND LOST. They somehow once again blew it and disappointed everyone. It was a sad way to end what was a great season and they should’ve gone a lot farther.

 

Toronto Maple Leafs- The Leafs began the season with hopeful expectations. They had added Joe Niewuendyk and Ken Klee and people in Toronto were hopeful that this could possibly be the year.

 

The Leafs got off to a slow start in the month of October. They lost their first game 4-0 to the Habs which of course caused everyone to panic. It took four games for the Leafs to get their first win- fittingly it was over the Habs. The Leafs put together a nice three game winning streak but then went right back and lost two in a row and finished the month with a 4-3-2 record.

 

The Leafs began their hot streak in November after an embarrassing 7-1 loss to the Flyers. They put together a 4 game unbeaten streak and Eddie was getting hot in goal. They had a mini-slump in the middle of the month but a visit to Vancouver changed all that. The Leafs defeated the Canucks in Vancouver and ended their ten game home unbeaten streak. Two days later in Toronto the Leafs got them again in a thrilling 2-1 victory. The Leafs would end up going on a very long points streak that would cause them to be the best team in hockey for a long time.

 

December saw the Leafs reel off a sensational 9-1-2-1 record as they became unstoppable. The Leafs earned at least a point in 16 straight games and rocketed to the to of the Northeast Division and the top of the league. Everything was clicking for them and it seemed like they were starting to run away with the division as Ottawa and Boston were both struggling. It was a great time to be a Leafs fan as they looked unstoppable- always somehow managing to eke out a win- or at worst a tie.

 

January saw the Leafs come down a bit from their amazing two prior months. They lost 4 out of 5 games at point and all were to chief rivals (Ottawa, NJ and Philly). They soon rebounded and won 5 out of their next 6 and avenged a 7-1 loss to Ottawa with a 5-1 win over the Sens. Ottawa and Boston were starting to go on winning streaks of their own as the race for the Northeast division was really starting to become a close race.

 

The Leafs continue to play weak hockey in February- at the same time the Senators went on another big run. The Bruins losing only once didn’t help either. The Leafs responded by going .500. They managed to blow a 3-0 lead at home against Buffalo and had a costly 5-2 loss against the Bruins- at home. Eddie's back injuries really started hurting the team as Leafs fans learned something they already knew: That Trevor Kidd sucks and without Eddie the Leafs are screwed. In his first game back at the end of February, Eddie recorded a shutout. Because he's Eddie.

 

March saw the Leafs actually make some big moves at the trading deadline. They made a big step in improving their defence by acquiring Brian Leetch from the Rangers for next to nothing. The Leafs then went out and got future Hall of Famer Ron Francis from the Carolina Hurricanes for a pick. They also picked up Chad Kilger and Calle Johannsen as they attempted to make a run at the top. Leetch had an immediate impact on the team and played amazingly well. The Leafs played solid hockey in March but were in an uphill climb to take the division back from Boston. They had an important game against Tampa Bay which they lost 7-2. This seemed to change the Leafs and they went on to go unbeaten in their last 5 games with Eddie Belfour having two shutouts in a row.

 

Thanks to a 6-0 rout of Ottawa the Leafs had home ice advantage against them in the playoffs. It was a series I previewed extensively in my Donald Trump review and one that I was very much looking forward to.

 

Game 1 saw the Leafs not get off to a good start. The team scored first and had a 2-1 lead in the second period when they took two quick penalties. Of course Ottawa happened to score two quick goals and they took a 3-2 lead. Marion Hossa then beat Eddie Belfour earlier in the third and Ottawa picked up a 4-2 win.

 

Game 2 was the Eddie Belfour show. Eddie make some absolutely spectacular saves and outdueled poor Patrick Lalime who didn’t have the greatest game of his life and that's pretty much what did him in. Eddie saved the Leafs asses in Game 2 and Leafs Nation was eternally greatful.

 

Game 3 was pretty much Game 2 only Eddie played BETTER. The first period was Ottawa giving the Leafs a complete asskicking but somehow Eddie was able to keep the puck out of the net. I don’t know how the puck didn’t go in and how I didn’t have 80 heart attacks. The Leafs managed to score two goals but this was all about Eddie and his amazing God like performance. The Senators had outplayed us in three straight games but sadly the object of hockey is to put the puck in the net. And the Sens couldn’t do that.

 

The Senators came back with a vengeance in Game 4 as they were determined to beat Belfour and not fall behind 3-1. Once the Sens finally beat Belfour they had all the momentum as they kept the Leafs at bay and controlled the pace of the game. Eddie could only do so much as the lack of support finally caught up to him and the series was tied at 2. Leafs captain Mats Sundin was also injured in this game- which wasn't good

 

Even though the Sens had finally beaten Belfour and had all the momentum they forgot something about Game 5: They had to show up. The Leafs didn’t really play much better but I'll put it this way:

 

I could've played in goal and the Leafs would've won.

 

The Leafs got two easy goals and watched as the Sens didn’t do anything to try and comeback. The Leafs had a 3-2 lead with a chance to clinch in Ottawa.

 

Game 6 saw the Leafs blow their golden opportunity to clinch the series. The game was very close. Both teams had shown up and the game became a duel between Lalime and Belfour. Regulation solved nothing and the game headed into OT. Both team had good chances to score but for one of the few times in its playoff history God smiled on the Senators and they scored in double overtime. This of course gave me many heart attacks as it meant we had one more game to play.

 

Game 7 would be the game where Patrick Lalime became my favourite NHL player. The Leafs scored early in the first and the game was tense and very close. Eddie seemed to be in his groove and the Sens were trying to beat him again. Then something funny happened:

 

In the span of like a few minutes, Joe Niewendyk fired two easy corner shots that somehow Pat Lalime couldn’t stop. I mean seriously- I think even Niewendyk was shocked that he scored. The Leafs had a 3-0 lead and never looked back. For the 4th time in 5 years the Leafs were eliminating the Sens from the playoffs.

 

Game 1 against the Flyers was one of the most boring games I've ever seen. Both teams did absolutely nothing and I pretty much debated changing the channel for 2.5 hrs. The Flyers won 3-1 but I was pretty apathetic at the end.

 

Game 2 was a lot more exciting as both teams played their asses off. Robert Esche was amazing in goal for the Flyers. The Flyers grabbed a 2-1 lead late in the third. The Leafs had all kinds of chances (TWO breakaways) but just couldn’t do it. Eddie played great in goal but it looked like he had met his match in Esche.

 

Thankfully the series returned to Toronto for Game 3 and the Leafs took advantage of being on home ice. Alexander Mogilny was amazing as he finally produced something in the playoffs and helped spark the Leafs finally get a win against Philly.

 

Game 4 ummmm I didn’t see it. I know we won 3-1 and the big line kicked a lot of ass but I was doing standby. NBC 4 Sports anchor Len Berman came down and told me the Leafs had won and I did a happy dance. The Leafs were back in the series and it was down to a best of 3.

 

Game 5 was the biggest game of the season for the Leafs. A win would give the Leafs a golden opportunity to clinch the series in the Air Canada Centre. A loss would force them to win two games in a row- and that's hard.

 

The Leafs responded by NOT GETTING ONE SHOT ON GOAL FOR 18 MINUTES. That pretty much did it for me as I didn’t feel like watching them get their ass kicked.

 

The Leafs had the comfort in knowing that Game 6 was back on home ice. This didn’t seem to affect the Flyers as they jumped out to a 2-0 lead. The Leafs couldn’t get anything going until my prayers were answered late in the third when Karl Pilar converted a beautiful pass by Mats Sundin into a goal. A few minutes later Sundin then showed everyone why he's the captain by tying the game at two!!! I was going INSANE by this point and the game was headed for overtime.

 

The overtime reminded me of last years OT game where the Leafs had about 12,322 chances and couldn’t convert. I guess it was karma for the games against Ottawa. A mistimed pass by the Leafs opened up a 2 on 1 pass for Philly which they converted on and won the game.

 

It was a disappointing end for Leafs fans as they knew that their chances of winning a Cup were very good and they let it all slip away. The drought is now 37 years and counting.

 

No I am not a stalker-

 

In my season premiere I wrote about all the celebrities I met over the summer. So I figured I’d write all the celebrities I met during the SNL Season.

 

John Cena: I met John Cena again at an autograph signing at the Toronto Eaton Centre. Cena’s a pretty cool guy. Most people I meet at signings just sign whatever and say hello but Cena shook hands, got everyone’s name and was just a really cool guy. I was thinking of freestyling with him until I realized what that entailed.

 

Dontrelle Willis: I met the Rookie of the Year for the Florida Marlins when he did a taping for Last Call. I congratulated him on winning the World Series which was a lie due to my hatred of the Marlin organization. He seemed nice though.

 

Maggie Gyllenhaal- Maggie seemed like a nice person. She just walked by me and I waved and said hello. She said hello back. I didn’t say these encounters were exciting.

 

Greg Kinnear- Oh that wacky Greg Kinnear. Me and Greg go way back. I met him on November 16th, 2002 when he was shooting Godsend. My friend wanted to get pictures of him so I figured I might as well get him to look up. Now do you say:

 

Greg, can I get a shot?

 

No of course not. You yell what I yelled: Greg Kinnear is the reason I breathe air! Greg Kinnear is the father I wish I always had!

 

Well he looked up, my friend got a picture and I got a Greg Kinnear ‘What the heck did you just say’ face. Good times. I met Greg Kinnear a year later and was ready to have fun with him once again. As he walked in to do a taping of Carson Daly I yelled out ‘GREG! A SMILE LIKE YOURS PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE!’ And I got the Greg Kinnear ‘‘What the heck did you just say’ face again. Awesomeness.

 

Katie Couric- Even though I’m a Matt Lauer fan I gotta give it up to Katie. She does a good job. I saw her at NBC at like 7 pm which puzzled me since the Today Show ends at 9 am. Explain that one. I met her when I was 12 and told her this was my first time in New York which was a boldface lie. Luckily she didn’t recognize me and call me on my boldfaced lie.

 

Biff Henderson- I met Biff Henderson at NBC. I don’t understand why Biff was at NBC. I asked him about this a few days later and he said he was just having some fun. Biff Henderson- a true American hero.

 

John Walsh- Only a few people understand why this encounter was so meaningful to me and so hilarious and just probably the greatest celebrity encounter I’ve ever had that didn’t involve me hugging Tina Fey on three separate occasions. I met him again two days later and he remembered me. It was so awesome. God Bless John Walsh- he’s a good man.

 

Max Weinberg- Max Weinberg was carrying a huge shovel. I asked him if that was to hit Conan over the head with. He said no. I asked if he’s a homosexual pedophile like Conan says. He said no.

 

Kirsten Dunst- I had met Kirsten before but she’s mega hot and I wanted to see her in all her hotness again. When I met her I saw something incredibly disturbing. She had cut her hair. Not just a little bit. We’re talking- more then a little bit. She didn’t look attractive anymore and it greatly upset me. I felt so betrayed. I expected hotness and got hotness’ evil twin: Not hotness. It hurt.

 

Julia Roberts- I admit it. I met her and got her autograph just cause she’s probably the biggest actress in the world. By time I met her I was freezing and just wanted to get my autograph and go home. So of course Julia wouldn’t sign on the way in. So I had to wait 30 more minutes until she came out yet. I got a pretty shitty autograph but I can say I met Julia Roberts which I think is kinda cool.

 

Jay Thomas- I met the host of Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire and I’ve met Evan Marriot, the original Joe Millionaire. I don’t know why but I just find that kind of odd. Jay was at Letterman to do the thing where he tosses the football every Christmas. And he’s a nice guy. So bonus points for that.

 

Robin Williams- It was the weirdest thing. We were sitting in our seats in the standby line, a car pulls up and ROBIN WILLIAMS comes out of nowhere. My friend and I scrambled and we ran to meet him. He shook my hand and was so cool. I’ve wanted to meet this guy since Hook (Shut up- I was 7)

 

Bill O’Reilly- I love Bill O’Reilly. He’s the no-spin master who rocks the body that rocks the party that until he got there was having a case of the spin. Bill was doing a book signing out in New York’s personal bowel movement: Long Island. My friend Jess was nice enough to risk life and possibly limb to take me to the book signing. (I think my incessant nagging helped) Bill’s one of my idols- he’s a guy I look up to and he kind of inspired me to go to journalism school. So I always wanted to meet him and I got my chance. I was so nervous but I pulled myself together and thanked him for all he’s done and we discussed Canada. It was so awesome and I have a cool picture with Mr. No Spin. I must give O’Reilly credit: He didn’t spin the whole encounter.

 

Mario Cantone- Mario Cantone is of course Anthony from Sex and the City so I had to go meet him at the play he was doing. Mario signed my SATC DVD and when I told him he was better then Stanford he said ‘That’s true.’

 

Scott Foley- I had met Scott Foley a long time ago when he was still married to Jennifer Garner. I was instructed to not bring up that fact again. I told Scott that I liked him on the Scrubs and he said “Good- I like me on the Scrubs too.”

 

Steve Martin- Steve Martin’s awesome. I mean- cause he’s Steve Martin. He was shooting a comedy skit on Dave so he came really early when there was only a few people there and I could talk to him. He was really funny and I actually froze since this is the guy who made A Simple Twist of Fate, Leap of Faith and Pure Drivel.

 

Wait- why did I freeze?

 

On the way out Steve refused to sign for anyone and got booed and cursed at. As he was getting booed, Steve rolled down the window of his limo and just waved to everyone. It was hilarious.

 

Renee Zellweger- Now one of my policies about meeting a star is that if you have a good encounter the first time and get what you want then don’t go meet them again and try to double dip the chip. Realising I was a major hypocrite for wanting to meet her again I came up with my theory that justified it:

 

In May of 2003 I met skinny anorexic Renee. But this time since she was shooting Bridget Jones 2 she had become hot and healthy Renee. I think that “healthy” (I refuse to use the ‘f’ word- fat) Renee is like 1000x hotter then skinny Renee so I felt I had to go meet Renee again. She’s a totally different person.

 

So yea- I’m a hypocrite. Renee did not disappoint and she was well worth my hypocrisy and my balls that froze. Renee came out wearing this red dress that was a bit too small for her and we had cleavage overload. She was late going in and I could understand her not signing on the way in. But even though she was late Renee ended up playing with a dog right in front of us autograph seekers. I got nice looks at the ass so I’m not gonna complain. (Yes I realize what I’m writing is incredibly sexist but come on)

 

Renee came back out in all of cleavage glory and she stopped to sign for autographs right in front of me. HER BOOBS WERE RIGHT IN MY FACE! (I know- but I’m a guy. Let it go) So Renee Zellweger’s glorious cleavage was in front of me for like 10 minutes and it was a great moment that was saved in my personal VCR.

 

Paul Shaffer- Paul Shaffer signed my Wendy’s bag. That’s awesome. Go Paul.

 

Jennifer Aniston- Jen was also on Letterman and I went as moral support for one of my friends. Plus she's pretty hot so there was no problems going to meet her. I got to Letterman and a crisis soon resulted. They were throwing stuff off the roof (I don’t know why) and the barricades were pushed way back making it hard to get access to Jen. When she came in all hell broke loose. People ran after her and security didn’t seem to care. I realised that getting an autograph was an exercise in futility so I just said hi to her and she said hello back. She told other people she would sign on the way out because of the chaos earlier. I kept this in mind and even though it was FREEZING outside I decided to wait for her. They had gotten the barricade situation fixed but because of a mishap I was on the wrong side but she did promise to sign for all of us so I was hopeful. I mean it's the least she could do to make up for The Object of my Affection. Then Jen came out. And she ran into her car and left. Bitch. She could've signed- especially since she promised too. Jennifer Aniston represents my only failure ever at Letterman.

 

Walter Cronkite- I guess as a journalist I should be honoured to meet him. But he was kind of a dick.

 

Samuel L. Jackson- Pulp Fiction is one of my favourite movies (maybe #2 or #3) and I was excited at the thought of meeting the guy who recited Ezakiel 25:17 sounded pretty awesome. I actually had tried to meet him in August but he had taped an appearance on the Daily Show a different day. Jackson was on the Daily Show again and this time I knew when he was taping and I was ready- even though I forgot my Pulp Fiction DVD. Jackson didn’t sign on the way in (there was two people!) but he kept his promise and signed on the way out. We both agreed that Pulp Fiction is one of the best movies ever. And in person you can tell he's one bad mofo.

 

Dave Foley- Being up in Canada makes meeting celebrities hard so I was excited to head home and start stalking again. Dave Foley was first on my itinerary. NewsRadio is my second favourite show ever and well Dave Nelson was the news director- he kept it all together. I was very excited when I found out he'd be on Last Call. Even though he seemed to be in a hurry- Dave was very nice and talked NewsRadio with me for a few seconds. He said his favourite episode is Smoking and I was like: Yo Dave- you gotta give props to Public Domain. Now I've met two NewsRadio castmembers.

 

Lindsay Lohan- I detailed Lindsay in my trip report two weeks ago. I found her to be very nice and I thought it was really cool that she was talking to us, signing and taking photos for all of us. Girl's got class.

 

Michael Imperioli- Michael is Christopher on the Sopranos. I said I liked his character and he said thanks.

 

Ashley Olsen- I guess I should do the Olsens as one but according to them they have separate personalities and I will honour their request. Ashley was on Letterman and I went to get her autograph for a friend. I heard all day that Ashley does not sign for anyone and etc etc and I was hoping this was not true. Lo and behold she ran in and did not sign for anyone. That pissed me off and I almost left but I always believe in keeping hope alive and I waited for her to come out. To my shock, amazement and yes- even awe Ashley came out with a pen and was signing for everyone. She signed my Allure magazine. I gotta say- this current crop of Hollywood jailbait is pretty nice.

 

Mary Kate Olsen- Mary Kate was on Letterman and I went to get her autograph for a friend. I heard all day that Mary Kate does not sign for anyone and etc etc and I was hoping this was not true. Lo and behold she ran in and did not sign for anyone. That pissed me off and I almost left but I always believe in keeping hope alive and I waited for her to come out. To my shock, amazement and yes- even awe Mary Kate came out with a pen and was signing for everyone. She signed my Allure magazine. I gotta say- this current crop of Hollywood jailbait is pretty nice.

 

Lauren Graham- Being a huge fan of the Andrea Planbee storyline on NewsRadio (it led to the Public Domain!!) I was excited that she was doing Conan the same day I was doing standby. She didn’t come down until really late and got mobbed but I was able to tell her how much Andrea Planbee rocked.

 

Conan O'Brien- I saw Conan the same day I met Lauren Graham. Conan came down and I said hello to him. He ran over to me thinking I wanted an autograph and said "Make it fast I'm in a rush." When I explained to him I did not want his autograph and just wanted to say hi, he got embarrassed and said hi to me and walked away.

 

Lewis Black- Lewis Black was very nice to me for some reason. I thought he was supposed to be this mean angry man. At least I went up to Denis Leary he stayed in kayfabe and was kind of an asshole.

 

Sen. John McCain- John McCain's always been one of my favourite politicians and a guy I really look up to. He also hosted a hilarious episode of Saturday Night Live so he gets bonus points for that. Sen. McCain was very nice, he said 'it was a pleasure to meet me', shook my hand and was an all around cool guy.

 

Peter Gallagher- I lied and told him I liked the OC. That seemed to make him happy.

[bob_barron 0]

The Best of the Mailbag!!!!

 

The Mailbag fell on hard times this year for two reasons-

 

1) Sean occasionally was inconsistent in posting the reviews (but we still love him!)

2) I didn’t have a computer and my reviews were often posted late.

 

But that doesn’t mean that the mailbag was filled with letters. Some made me smile, some made me tear up and others made me ponder the issue of:

 

You mean there really are people who DON’T like hockey?

 

We begin with Kelly Fallon telling me that I’m not funny. Now had she been to my comedy show on March 15th then I would wholeheartedly agree. She writes-

 

Kelly Fallon writes-

You can't have the best of "Barron" especially when you're not funny enough... good try though... joke or no joke it seems cocky, and again you're not funny enough, sorry! But nice try... you're no Mark Polishuk.... thanks for trying though it's been a hard year without him... keep up with your "work" and at least you're a Saints Fan

I also got a fan letter from someone with a Mary Tyler Moore fanzine. Think about that one as you read this-

 

David Davis right-

Hi! My name is Dave and I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your SNL reviews. I've been watching SNL since it first started )I'm 38) ... I discovered the S-N-L site one night last week at work... I'm a switchboard operator and I work the swing shift, where it gets very slow sometimes...we're allowed to access the internet on our terminals. Reading those reviews makes the time go by so fast and is never boring. I really enjoy your writing style. I did want to mention that I remember someone asking if an audience member ever disrupted an SNL monologue, and the reply included Andrew Dice Clay (who I just saw at the supermarket; he dyes his hair black now) -- but I also seem to recall Sharon Stone getting heckled during her "Basic Instinct" monologue. Apparently,there were some militant lesbian feminists in the audience who were protesting her portrayal of a lesbian as an evil psychopath. Of course in the repeat,the heckles were deleted.

Another thing, do you remember when Mary Tyler Moore hosted back in 1989? Don Pardo had laryngitis that night and for some reason,they did not replace him and the intro's sounded hideous! he could barely croak out the names. Thank goodness they had the sense the re-record it when his voice returned for the reruns. Also,on Comedy Central,MTM's sketches were aired in reversed order,which was a good thing since the first few sketches were horrible and the audience was dead quiet.

II'm a huge Mary fan and I publish a fanzine on her called "Mary")

Also, I wish there was a video or DVD with all the skits that were cut out of original episodes and not included in reruns...

I never got to see the Tobey Maguire skit mocking Angelina Jolie and her brother's offspring. And wasn't there a skit with Chris Farley and other male cast members exiting a space-ship practically naked? Never got to see that either and it was never rerun.

Did you see either of these? Were they so offensive that they had to be cut?

 

Anyway, I look forward to next season and more of your wonderfully written reviews. keep up the good work

 

Best Wishes, DAVE

This email almost makes Dave seem normal-

Dianna writes-

Hello!

Can you tell me what is Saturday Night Life? Is it screenplay (very funny I think)? Excuse me for this strange question, but I really don`t know about SNL.

I live very far from NY:)

A

Someone threatened to take my Bugs Bunny stuffed animal hostage. That’s not very nice.

tim bob writes-

Hey Bob put me in the mailbag or else I will spread the word that you will mail out tapes of SNL episodes upon request!!

 

Do it or I take your stuffed bunny hostage.

I come out of the closet as a Justin Timberlake and of course someone rips me for it. Just wait for the hate mail I’ll get if Hilary Duff is ever musical guest.

Leonard Smith writes-

"Justin Timberlake

Thoughts- I was hoping SNL would change the train sign every week so I could make it a running gag or something. I mean staring at a train line that goes through Connecticut is just flat out boring and uninteresting- especially when they book really crappy musical guests. That being said- Justin Timberlake was not crappy. I found the live versions of his songs to be better then the versions I hear on MuchMusic and even though he is trying to clone like Michael Jackson circa 1982- he's doing a damn good job of it. The energetic beats make his songs a blast to listen to. ***1/2"

I read your review for Justin Timberlake's episode of SNL and I'm here to tell you that Justin Timberlake, his hosting ability and music sucks 100%. And Justin Timberlake was EXTREMELY crappy. The energetic beats DO NOT make his songs a blast to listen to at all. Justin's three performances didn't also help a great deal either. He is junk just like you.

 

Read my response to this mailbag answer and laugh at how wrong I truly was-

Chad Ruffner writes-

Hi Bob,

I was wondering If you think Norm

MacDonald's New Comedy on Fox, "A Minute With Stan

Hooper", has any chance of surviving a Full Season.

Judging from just the previews alone, I don't even

think It will even make It to Mid-Season. I hope I'm

wrong, though.

Later,

Chad

Norm's show DESERVES to last past midseason. Norm is a smart guy and this sitcom is a throwback to the sitcoms of yore. Instead of building it around himself and funny one liners- the show is more of an ensemble with everyone getting their piece of the pie. Norm is just the centerpiece who Fox is marketing as the star. FOX gave it a terrific timeslot with a great lead in so they obviously are behind the show a great deal. If it can retain a fair amount of 70's Show's audience- it should have a long and happy shelf life. The constant ads airing during the playoffs can't hurt.

Well the show did last 6 episodes- which is a lot longer then the Mike O’Malley show.

 

If you admit you are a Braves fan and talk about how much you like Seth then you will make the best of the mailbag. This person…did both-

Lauren Lazarus writes-

Hey Bob,

My name's Lauren, and I read your reviews every week. They're great, but the point of this e-mail is -- I'm a huge Red Sox fan (I'm a Braves fan too, as I'm from Atlanta, but the Red Sox are really my team). Last Thursday when I watched that heartbreaking Game 7, my last coherent thought before hitting the sheets around 12:30 was, "At least we'll get a good Seth Meyers commentary out of this." And then, as you said in your review -- HORATIO SANZ??? And SUPER FANS??? I was so pissed I turned it off after Weekend Update. I, like you, am in awe of the talent and humor that is Seth Meyers, and when Horatio showed up on my screen instead of Seth, I nearly blew a fuse. Anyways, just thought I'd let you know there's someone else that's ticked off over it. Have fun writing reviews, I know I have fun reading them.

 

~Lauren

 

I’m trying to make this review 50+ pgs. This letter will help-

 

[email protected] writes-

Bob, just read your review on the smarkboard (and of course SNL.com) and it was solid as always. Now I've read you reviews for about 3 years now and I don't agree with a lot of the things you say, but I really enjoy reading your work. I think you once said (or maybe you were quoting Lorne on this one) that people will always think the cast they grew up on will forever be the best. To me, NOTHING will top SNL from Sept. 91 -May 95, NOTHING. Hell, I e-mailed you once defending the 94-95 season and I will say to the end of eternity that season was not really that bad and had several shining moments. I grew up on Sandler, Farley, Hartman, Rock, Myers, Carvey, Spade, Norm, Schneider, etc and I knew in Sept. 95 when the overhaul happened that SNL would never be the same for me. The show had changed and not for the better in my opinion. I used to feel a rush when the show was about to start during those years and now I don't get that rush. The only time I got that feeling was when Farley hosted in Oct. 97 and when Sandler did the cold opening last November. I'm including this because I want to rant about females on SNL. You claim that SNL is no longer a boys club, using Tina's rise to power as your primary example. Now during 91-95, there was absolutely no question that the show was a boys club, NO QUESTION. The show was dominated by the male cast members and female members were reduced to playing small roles and rarely got any of the great punchlines or overall good material. I remember Julia Sweeney on that E Special on SNL told a story that she had written this sketch that she was very proud of and thought was very funny and it got cut because Sandler thought of a new song right before the show. She knew she was going to leave the second she found out her sketch was cut. My point is that SNL was a boys club and I still believe SNL is a boys club.

Bob, since Shannon, Gasteyer, Oteri left the show they have practically fallen off the radar screen. Yes, I know that Molly has had several supporting roles and that Oteri had a sitcom deal and did a few guest spots on Curb Your Enthusiasm and a small role in Scary Movie, but they really did not capitalize on the success they had on SNL. Gasteyer, as you know, will costar in Mean Girls, the script Tina wrote, and has made several guest appearances, including on Frasier. Now these women dominated SNL from about 96-2000, DOMINATED and yet they don't get the major roles. Horatio Sanz, who got much less airtime than those 3 during their time on the show together, got lead or semi-lead roles in Boat Trip and TomCats and I'm sure will have roles lined up. Will Ferrell is probably going to be the next 20 Million Dollar Comedic Lead and you know Jimmy is going to get film roles, you know it. Tracy Morgan is getting his own sitcom and I bet will land a few film roles. After their careers on SNL are over, do you think Maya is going to be a huge star? Dratch? I love her to death, but Amy? They will end up like Oteri, Sweeney, Curtain, Newman, Duke, Hooks, Jackson, Shannon, Hutzel, Walls, Dunn, the list goes on and on. SNL is still a boys club and will always be one. What did Rob Schneider do to separate himself from the females cast members, nothing really, but he gets leads in films. SNL is a forum to create male comedic stars, it always has been and always will be. Murray, Belushi, Chase, Akroyd, Murphy,Carvey, Sandler, Hartman, Farley, Spade, Myers all got that big push while the their female costars couldn't find work. Tina might be working hard to shatter this glass ceiling and her movie got the green-light, but I'm worried this will be the only chance she gets. To come full circle, SNL might not be the same for me anymore, but there is one commonality, it is still a boys club. Just needed to rant and I would LOVE to hear from you, because I know you are going to disagree.

The next week someone again wrote a long letter to the mailbag-

 

John Dupont writes-

Bob -- I'm 35 and have followed SNL pretty consistently since the 70s. Even

then, it had its weak points. The 78-79 season was exceptionally rough,

and

the same goes for most of the 79-80 season. SNL is a show that, as we

know,

has endured meteoric peaks and valleys.

I feel the group that best rivaled the originals was the 86-90 cast

(Phil

Hartman had a lot to do with that), and the 95-98 seasons were quite

good as

well. The show showed quite a bit of promise during the 2000 season,

too.

As for this season, well ... It's getting to a point when I'm beginning

to

await a rerun week hoping to see a "Best of" show. Several problems

linger

with this season.

First off, I wholeheartedly agree that athletes suck. With a few

exceptions,

they're almost consistently bad. McEnroe himself, though, would've made

a

much better host. He has this aura about him that makes him fit nicely

into

the SNL mode. Much of that involves his reputation, his knack for

spontaneity and an ingredient that has been woefully missing from the

show

this season: He was anti-establishment.

The problem with SNL at this point is that none of its cast members

seem

'hungry'. Fey makes millions, nearly every cast member has already done

a

movie, and those who don't already feel they've crossed the threshold

of

stardom.

Ask Robin Duke and Joe Piscopo (who wasn't that bad) about that one!

What gets me worse is seeing both Fey and Fallon giggle and snicker all

through Weekend Update. It was annoying when Red Skelton did it years

ago,

and the same applies today.

The show is also suffering from the losses of Ferrell, Gasteyer (boy,

do I

miss her!), Kattan and Morgan. That's something that subsides with

time, and

the rise of a few young upstarts.

But the show has been on a bad dry spell since after the fantastic

Christopher Walken show last year (one for the ages). Shows with Bernie

Mac

and especially Dan Aykroyd were huge disappointments -- particularly

the

latter, who didn't have the same electricity he had even in cameos

during

the last few years.

This group needs to quit congratulating itself and assuming they're the

'chosen ones'. I'm getting my biggest laughs these days off "The Daily

Show". Why? It employs the same principles that made SNL great all

along. It

lets the audience decide what was funny. Cast members know their lines

or

read cue cards properly. And most of all, they're inspired and

motivated.

There are reasons to be hopeful. The show always picks up steam when

Alec

Baldwin shows up, much the same way as it has done with John Goodman,

Steve

Martin and Buck Henry.

Al Sharpton should be particularly good. Politicians are almost always

good

on the show. Even in the Ebersol era, the show delivered strong with

politicians -- George McGovern in April 1984 and particularly the Rev.

Jesse

Jackson edition in Oct. '84 (a true classic, one of the best shows

ever).

Maybe the show needs fewer prima donnas (both in terms of hosts and

cast

members) and people who really want to make a strong impression. I've

seen

Lorne Michaels turn the show around enough times to know he can do it

again.

I'm just hoping he doesn't wait too long to notice the red flags. The

show

needs help. Fast.

Best Regards -- John Dupont, Baton Rouge, La.

Every year I get an email from a Chris Kattan fan angry at me making fun of him. This year was no different-

 

Shelby Hatten writes-

listen dude chris kattan is NOT gay im tired of u people calling him something he's not. u know, it'd be cool if u said u just didnt like chris, but GOD! Grow up!

Ken Hayashi sent me a list of matches for Wrestlemania XX. I’d thought it’d be interesting to compare his card to the actual show that we got:

 

Ken Hayashi sent me a very detailed prediction list for Wrestlemania XX.

His matches were-

Chris Benoit v. HHH- World Title

Goldberg v. Lesnar- WWE Title

Taker v. Kane

Eddy Guerrero v. Angle

Cena v. Edge- US Title

Molly v. Trish v. Jazz v. Victoria- Womens Title

RVD v. Y2J v. Book- IC Title

Rock-n-Sock v. Evolution

Dudleyz v. Rodney Mack/Mark Henry

Rey Rey v. Tajiri v. Chavo- Cruiser Title

Someone complimenting me and Seth and Amy again is always fodder for the best of the mailbag-

 

Hey Bob-

Big Fan. Sundays aren't the same without reading a Bob Barron review, anyways, I have a simple question for you: In your opinion, what is the best SNL duo, there ever was? And out of the current Cast who would you say? Personally, I'm a Seth/Amy fan, but Fred/Will also have potential.

Thanks a lot!

Dan Fuitt

 

Someone named Emily Spivey doesn’t like hockey. It turns out that someone named Emily Spivey also writes for Saturday Night Live. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm-

 

Hey,

 

Maya Rudolph is not ugly. And, by the way, it's a sight for SNL

reviews not

hockey re-caps. You're boring.

 

Katherine Robertston’s email is short, sweet and to the point. And in my Best of the Mailbag-

 

You like Seth Meyers. You rock.

 

That wraps up the BEST of the mailbag. Now if you didn’t make the best of the mailbag- don’t feel bad. It just means you were missing that little spark that gets you in the best of the mailbag.

 

If you’d like to be in the mailbag then email me at- [email protected]

 

Pithy Comments-

 

I wonder why the crowd didn't applaud when they saw Dean Edwards in the background. Oh wait- that was Finesse Mitchell.

 

They could've delved into the problems created by Maya doing a black man but since this is just a time filler commercial- there was sadly not enough time to devote to the potential problems among close minded friends and family. And that's a damn shame.

 

John Mayer was so exciting- he caused me to pontificate on the state of Connecticut.

 

Watching Darrell doing Arnold again is more painful then watching Arnold in Junior.

 

Darrell has to leave eventually and it looks like Richards' will take over SNL's prime impressionist.

 

It should be noted that Tina Fey is being paid $100,000 per every Update which means that tonight she was paid $20,000 a minute. So think about it folks: Tina's rant paid her a cool 20 grand.

 

On the Halle Berry monologue: It reminded me of the Tom Green monologue but without the social commentary on our society.

 

3 shows in and two racial remarks directed at Kenan. Miss All That yet?

 

The Boston Red Sox played the Yankees in a thrilling 7 game series with classic moments and heart attack inducing games. Seth Meyers, who always rocks the body that rocks what was one lame party but now is not lame because of Seth's rockness, is a major Boston Red Sox fan who has done three commentaries about them in the past- all of them really funny.

 

SO WHY THE HECK DO YOU HAVE HORATO SANZ DO A COMMENTARY INSTEAD?

 

It just boggles my mind seeing that fat hack on Weekend Update week after week in various unfunny personas while Seth sits on the sidelines unable to bring the funny. I was a big Norm Peterson fan (who isn't) but George Wendt just looks awful now and wasn't really funny either. Horatio portraying a mentally retarded Super Fan doesn't really work since all of the Super Fans are mentally retarded to begin with. So chalk up a big 'not funny' when it comes to the Super Fans.

 

I don't know which made me mark out harder- Jim Downey or Kelly Ripa's boobs.

 

Fuck Horatio Sanz.

 

Despite Drunk Girl this WU was headed towards the amazing category. And then we had to endure Horatio Sanz's garbage that killed any momentum this GREAT Weekend Update was building. The stuff with P.Diddy, The Rod Roddy jokes, and all of Tina's material was tremendous and reminiscent of Updates that I had given 5* to. My heart sank when I saw Jeff trot out Drunk Girl (Impressions Jeff- not characters) but even that wasn't THAT bad and I still felt we could see a highly rated Update. It's also quite sad that Tina's Arnold was much better then Darrell's. Thus proving my theory: Everyone can do a better Arnold impression then Darrell Hammond. And then we got the endless crap of Horatio's horrible Jimmy Buffett that just seemed to drag on forever. I think time stood still during it. I know Jimmy and Horatio like to have fun and laugh and that's fine- if they keep it in dress rehearsal where it belongs. It's disgusting watching it on the live show. It's a slap in the face to every person who aspires to be on Saturday Night Live and has to sit there watching someone else live their dream and spit on it. There's a time to have fun (That's called dress rehearsal) and there's a time to be professional. (We call that the live show) It's disheartening just watching Weekend Update go to hell in a handbasket when the name Horatio Sanz is uttered. I know I pimp him endlessly but Seth Meyers has been on WU 0 times this season. Horatio Sanz has been on WU 2 times this season. That is not right at all considering he's done nothing but bring down the quality of Weekend Update and spit in the face of the hard work that Jimmy and Tina do to put this Update together. And no- I'm not blaming Jimmy here. He looked really disinterested at Horatio's antics at first and only seemed to start losing it when Horatio had already lost it. Why does the viewer want to sit there and watch two people giggle like idiots? I don't know about you but if I had the choice between a funny commentary about baseball and a man giggling- I'd pick the funny commentary. So fuck Horatio Sanz and I hope Lorne gets his head out of his ass and starts putting on people on Update who can do funny commentaries instead of people whose only talent seems to be to know how to giggle.

 

I think it's quite sad that random black guy who looks like Dean Edwards but isn't gets more screen time then Kenan Thompson

 

I guess one of the perks of getting to host 10+ times is the chance to grope Amy Poehler's breasts. Steve Martin should really come back and host if that is the case.

 

My one complaint was that the winning zing was gayer then a Brian Kinney sex tape.

 

I also hate when the musical guest feels the need to plug their album. Isn't doing SNL enough? It just reeks of insecurity. You're supposed to be so good that the viewer will sit at home and go: Wow- that Missy Elliot song was great- I'm gonna go buy her new CD now! And everyone knows that anyone being a musical guest on SNL usually has a new CD coming out or a CD that just came out anyway. I remember it really bothered me when Eve did it back in April of 2001 and it again bothered me when Missy Elliot did it. This song was awful and did not make me want to buy her new album that hits stores November 25th.

 

This skit had more homoeroticism then a very special episode of Queer as Folk

 

I thought for sure when Al mentioned past mistakes we were going to get Tawana Brawley jokes and I would admire Al Sharpton for being willing to make fun of his past. But it turned out to be Tracy Morgan making his long awaited and anticipated return after being away for 6 long shows.

 

I really miss Dean Edwards. Not because SNL has had a decrease in skits with cops in the background

 

I believe this is the third time where Kenan has been the subject of racial humour in some way, shape, or form. Amanda Bynes never made fun of him for being black.

 

After being the first person to ever make fun of her (and having no one care) Tina must've felt quite vindicated seeing Paris Hilton get big applause when she showed up at the Update desk.

 

And what photographer would really be interested in a shot of Kirstie Alley? It reminds me of the time Celebrities Uncensored kept showing paparazzi clips of Alley playing on the beach for no reason at all.

 

Why did I laugh at this? Because people got hit in the groin- and that's just funny.

 

Paris Hilton gets Jessica Simpson playing her? SNL is way too nice to her.

 

I wonder if on All That if they ever did a skit where Kenan stood there and watched Amanda Bynes reel off many pet names for her vagina. Given that Amanda Bynes would've been about 12 at this time- I'll refrain from making any lecherous comments. Victoria's Secret isn't completely stocked with gay people. I went there and this one guy kept complimenting me on being a Braves fan. I complimented him on getting a job at Victoria's Secret.

 

If only Howard Dean hadn't YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAED Jeff Richards would still have a job.

 

I think Clay Aiken's music sucks. I gave him a chance but damn- I don't know why anyone would idolise him. Well I guess that's why Reuben won.

 

Oh and bonus points go out to Tina for using the word "redonkulous". I had to write that down.

 

True story: I've gotten about 5 IMs commenting on how I would hate the fact that Maya

Rudolph played Charlotte.

 

Fact: Charlotte York is not black.

Fact: Charlotte York is not ugly.

 

Christina was really good at playing a skank whore. Who knew?

 

My sympathies go with whomever had to watch Gigli to write this skit. Now that’s dedication to your craft.

 

So remember my rules for singing on SNL:

 

Don’t suck, don’t do weird dance moves, don’t be boring, don’t sit on a stool, don’t play a slow song for your second song and don’t plug your album.

 

Tina: Lorne- we have a problem.

Lorne: What is it Tina?

Tina: Donald is terrible at acting. All we can really write for him are skits where he plays himself. And we've written enough of those.

Lorne: Hmmmm- I got it! Let's write a skit where Donald Trump owns a funny restaurant! It'll be brilliant.

Tina: But we did that with Al Sharpton and Derek Jeter.

Lorne: Even better. At the end we'll reference the two previous skits we did and people will think we're hip and clever for being able to make fun of ourselves. It'll be fantastic.

 

Is SNL just TRYING to piss me off? Seth Meyers has been on Weekend Update a grand total of 0 times this season. Before that Seth Meyers had been on Weekend Update 7 times. Seth Meyers has been hilarious on Weekend Update 7 times. I don't understand why the hell you would cut Seth from WU and leave in a terribly unfunny bit that went on forever.

 

Maya Rudolph getting things dropped on her head? Not funny.

Seth Meyers talking about the Boston Red Sox? Hilarious

 

It just pisses me off seeing awful commentaries week after week that continually drag down the quality of Updates after Tina and Jimmy work so hard writing quality jokes. All this while Seth Meyers, the guy who is the BEST on Weekend Update keeps having his pieces cut week after week. To quote Tina Fey "It's redunkoulus." Weekend Update commentaries shouldn't need stupid dated gimmicks to attempt to be funny. Omarosa had the head incident like 2 months ago. Why not mock Trey- you can milk LOTS of material from that. Or of course the best idea:

 

YOU ALREADY MILKED THE APPRENTICE IN TWO OTHER SKITS SO WHY NOT LET SETH MEYERS SHINE ON WEEKEND UPDATE YOU FUCKING MORONS.

 

It should be noted in the skit where Donald Trump finally stopped playing himself, he ended up playing himself in the end. That's just sad.

 

Now people who know me know that the word ‘cock’ is one of my favourite words in the English language and I also believe it to be one of the funniest. It just rolls off the tongue and it’s just so so funny. So I was very happy to see SNL make a skit out of one of my favourite words.

 

Janet, thankfully, did not violate one of my rules for female musicians:

 

If you are a hot piece of ass with not a lot of talent, you must compensate by showing lots of skin and deliver a performance that will attempt to turn me on.

 

Tina: So does anyone have any ideas for this weekend?

Writer: Well uhhhhh you know how Lindsay you uhhhhh ummmmm are uhhh very well umm you know well developed and ummmmmm I was thinking ummm uhhhhh we could ummmmm do a uhhhhhhh skit about ummmmm your uhhhh well developedness.

 

When I saw this skit in dress my reaction was: Yea- this is so cut.

 

I would fuck her if she said nothing but the word 'Cheeriatzi' with a British accent for the rest of her life

 

SNL: Year in Review

 

October 4th, 2003: The 29th season begins on a high note

Jack Black/John Mayer

 

SNL began its 29th season with Jack Black. I thought he was a good choice since the last time he hosted was hilarious and he’s very funny. Black didn’t disappoint and to the shock of no one Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan were not missed. Will Ferrell showed up but his cameo fell flat.

 

Kenan Thompson and Finesse Mitchell both got a chance to make first impressions. Finesse got his own commentary on WU that was okay while Kenan got to showcase his hilarious Bill Cosby impression.

 

October 11th, 2003: Don’t underestimate Justin

Justin Timberlake

 

A lot of people were skeptical of whether Justin Timberlake could host SNL due to his lack of acting skills. I was kind of skeptical myself but Justin ended up blowing everyone away and was a terrific host as well as a very good musical guest. While there some clunkers, Justin tried hard in every skit and was consistently able to get laughs out of me. He was terrific.

 

November 1st, 2003: Horatio Sanz sets me off

Kelly Ripa/Outkast

 

The previous episode hosted by Halle Berry was terrible and one of the lowlights was a Weekend Update commentary with George Wendt (who looked like he was about to die) reprising his Super Fans role with Horatio Sanz. I was hoping that was the last we would see of Sanz on Update.

 

The Weekend Update of the Kelly Ripa show was hilarious. Tina and Jimmy were on fire with the jokes and I was laughing throughout the Update. Visions of ***** danced in my head and I was being reminded of such Updates like Walken, Barrymore, Jeter, and Hayek. I was even ready to overlook Drunk Girl or at least not take too much off for it. But then Horatio waddled out on the Update stage and proceeded to insult the viewer with a horrible impression of Jimmy Buffet that ended up with him laughing like an idiot and ruining Update. Even Jimmy looked disinterested at Horatio’s antics. It was just depressing seeing a potential ****1/2+ WU go up and smokes because of the antics of one fat tub of lard. My whole rant on the situation is up somewhere in my Pithy Comments section.

 

November 8th, 2003: This is why tennis players don’t host SNL

Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews

 

I never understood why Andy Roddick was picked to host SNL. It’s not like anyone cared that he won the US Open since his name wasn’t Andre Agassi. It’s not like he had ever shown an ounce of charisma on the court like Jimmy Connors or John McEnroe. And then there’s of course this fact:

 

NOBODY CARES ABOUT TENNIS

 

Andy Roddick was an awful host and this show was like watching something out of the 1980-1981 season. It was just bad with no redeeming qualities. It was .03* away from being tied with Matthew McConaughey for worst show since I started reviewing. Oh and Horatio Sanz was on WU again- just to screw with me.

 

November 15th, 2003: Thank God for Alec Baldwin. (Did I just say that?)

Alec Baldwin/Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliot

 

After three not good shows SNL needed someone to bring them back to goodness. And that was Alec Baldwin. Just like Christopher Walken in February, SNL was able to get a good show out of a good host and regain some momentum. This show also featured the debut of Dave Clinger who would give hope to smartasses everywhere.

 

December 1st, 2003: Only White Politicians Can Host SNL

Rev. Al Sharpton/Pink

 

A lot of people questioned whether Sen. John McCain and Al Gore could host SNL for obvious reason. They ended up being really funny and good shows resulted. So I was cautiously optimistic that Rev. Al Sharpton could make it 3-3 in terms of politicians hosting.

 

He didn’t.

 

Sharpton just had no idea what he was doing and the fact that they had to bring in Tracy Morgan to attempt to bail him out is pretty sad.

 

January 10th, 2004: SNL drops the ball

Jennifer Aniston/Black Eyed Peas

 

I had very high hopes for the first SNL of the new year. SNL had just come off a great episode with Elijah Wood and this time their host was the very funny Jennifer Aniston. Surely the writers could do what the writer of Picture Perfect couldn’t do and create something funny around her. In fact SNL had done it before in November of 1999. Aside from Jennifer’s nipples and a funny political skit by Al Franken. The show dragged a lot- even Weekend Update was subpar. This show left a real bad taste in my mouth. I can understand having bad shows with Halle Berry, Andy Roddick or Al Sharpton but come on- Jennifer Aniston is funny.

 

February 7th, 2004: Jeff Richards gets fired. I laugh.

Megan Mullally/Clay Aiken

 

Jeff Richards’ firing came as quite a shock to everyone. Just one week he wasn’t in the intro and that was that. I was surprised he was fired since it seemed like they were grooming him to replace Darrell Hammond as SNL’s chief impressionist. While I liked Jeff I didn’t really care that he got fired. It’s not like Seth/Amy/Will where I would hunt Lorne down and it wasn’t like Horatio or Maya where I would jump in the air and the fist would pump. I was kind of disappointed Jeff was fired since I was going to have him sign the picture of me and Bill O’Reilly. But alas. Jeff’s firing ended up being a good thing for SNL. Seth and Will got a lot more airtime because of it and the quality of the show started to increase. I liked the guy but if his firing gave people I love more chances to succeed then bully. Tah-tah Jeff. Say hi to Jerry Minor for me.

 

For the record this was Jeff’s last skit:

 

Nut growing with Bubba Sparrxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cast- Simpson, Parnell, Forte, Richards, Sanz, Armisen, Mitchell

Thoughts- I still get nightmares about Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx's performance on SNL. If SNL ever wants to really make me happy- they should do a dream lineup of Alan Cumming/Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Except for the second song and Kenan as Timberland this was pretty sucky with not a lot of laughs. *

His last skit involved Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxxxxx. That’s sad.

 

 

February 21st, 2004: Another teen musical act shocks me

Christina Aguilera/Maroon 5

 

When I found out Christina Aguilera was hosting I was quite pessimistic. She had never shown me any comedic ability before and well I like Britney better. In one skit Aguilera blew me away. SNL decided to spoof Sex and the City (A show I hold near and dear to my heart). They had gotten on my bad side when I saw that Maya Rudolph was playing Charlotte. I don’t know how she did it but Christina was PERFECT as Samantha. Her voice, mannerisms, just everything she did was awesome. I became a fan that night. The rest of the show was pretty good with a great musical guest but Christina’s greatness as Samantha really stood out to me.

 

March 6th, 2004: Colin and Will team up for awesomeness

Colin Firth/Norah Jones

 

As a fan of Bridget Jones’ Diary I was excited when SNL got Colin Firth to host. And Colin delivered. We saw Ferecito for the first time since the Salma Hayek show and it was flat out awesome and well worth the wait. Will Forte put Tim Calhoun into skit form and it was so funny that I had to give it *****. And Darrell brought back his Bill Clinton impression. How awesome is that? Very. This was the best show of the season (at the time) even though it had serious competition a week later…

 

March 13th, 2004: Ben gives Colin some competition

Ben Affleck/NERD

 

This show had FOUR **** skits and gave Seth Meyers a ton of airtime. That always puts a big smile on my face. Even though he had a bit of crackup-itis Ben Affleck was a great host and you can tell he was having a lot of fun. They had one of the best Bahston Teens in a LONG time, brought back Top of the Morning To Ya’ and it was just 90 minutes of awesomeness. By this point I really didn’t miss Jeff Richards.

 

April 3rd, 2004: The Donald stinks up the joint

Donald Trump/Toots and the Mayals

 

I actually thought Donald Trump would make a good host on Saturday Night Live. The guy was very funny on The Apprentice and I loved watching him make Nick and Amy squirm. Sadly that did not translate over to SNL. Donald played himself in almost in every skit (the first skit in which he didn’t play himself ended up with him…playing himself) and guys like Seth Meyers and Will Forte got little to in Forte’s case no airtime. The episode was depressing as SNL had been on a major hot streak and I was disappointed that Donald has to ruin it for everyone. He seemed more interested in reminding people that the Apprentice was the #1 show on TV (when it WASN’T) and then putting on a good show.

 

May 1st, 2004: Debbie Downer

Lindsay Lohan/Usher

 

SNL was having a unnoteworthy show up until then. Lindsay Lohan wasn't doing much as host, Weekend Update was subpar and the only reason to catch the rerun of the show was so you could remember to tape Harry Potter and watch it in slow motion. But then Debbie Downer changed all that. The premise was simple: A woman always says negative things and kills the good vibes. So they put her in Disneyworld, gave her some good quips and in dress it got a good response. Towards the end they started to get giggly but whatever- it's dress.

 

All it took was Rachel Dratch screwing up one word and hearing that music and she was gone. The camera zoomed in on her right as she started to lose it and there was trying to play Debbie Downer while laughing her ass off. No one could stay in character- even Fred cracked a smile. Rachel just couldn’t control herself and it got funnier and funnier.

 

The cast was on the verge of breaking down but Lindsay was determined to save us as she stood up to deliver a fiery monologue as Horatio Sanz was pissing himself from laughing too hard. Lindsay stood up….and she started laughing .0004 seconds later. She continued on but again just lost it and couldn’t control herself.

 

I don’t like cracking up but good Lord- that was just AWESOME.

 

May 8th, 2004: Snoop Dogg fo shizzles my nizzle

Snoop Dogg/Avril Lavigne

 

Snoop Dogg/Avril Lavigne was a dream lineup for me as I found the host to be hilarious and the musical guest to be very talented in her respective field. The show would end up living up (and even surpassing) my expectations. Snoop was a great host and had me laughing at everything he did. He also had a bad-ass monologue entrance. And Avril played two songs and was great too. Unlike the Jennifer Aniston show- this lived up to the hype.

 

SNL: The Cliff notes!

 

10.4.03- Jack Black/John Mayer/Will Ferrell/Kyle Glass

Avg. skit: **.8

 

A very strong show to kick off the season. While no skits really stood out the show was filled with ***+ skits up and down the show. Kenan Thompson and Finesse Mitchell were both given good airtime for the first show and I liked seeing SNL try to get them noticed.

 

10.11.03- Justin Timberlake/Carl Weathers

Avg. skit: **.6

 

This was another good show as Justin Timberlake did a great job of hosting. I think the show is a tad overrated as while there was some great skits it wasn’t as consistently a good show as Jack Black. But I’m not going to complain about a show that turns Justin Timberlake singing with Kermit into Will Forte getting his ass kicked.

 

10.18.03- Halle Berry/Britney Spears/George Wendt

Avg. skit: **.2

 

Well you kind of knew this episode was going to suck since Halle Berry had never shown any comedic ability in her life. And now- Race the Sun does not count. Nothing really stood out here. Even Weekend Update stumbled thanks to a horrible Super Fans commentary. Britney Spears attempting to sing was good for a laugh though.

 

11.1.03- Kelly Ripa/Outkast/Chris Kattan

Avg. skit: **.37

 

This episode is infamous for me wanting Horatio Sanz to be forced to reenact a scene out of Passion of the Christ. Yes- THAT scene. Kelly Ripa did an okay job as host but she didn’t have good material to work with. Outkast was a really good but nothing was really working and even the Will Forte Weird Skit of the Week bombed.

 

11.8.03- Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews/John McEnroe

Avg skit: *.78

 

This is what happens when you get a tennis player to host SNL. Andy Roddick was just terrible as he had no acting skills and couldn’t even play himself. John McEnroe was funny which makes me wonder why he didn’t host. This show was a total disaster from start to finish with no redeeming qualities. Even though Tina looked hot in the monologue.

 

11.15.03- Alec Baldwin/Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliot/Mike Myers

Avg. skit: **.6

 

Thank God they got Alec Baldwin to host since I really couldn’t take another horrible episode. This was episode was pretty funny. It featured the debut of Burn v. Zing which I’ve quoted all year and the Tony Bennet show skit was great. After three Weekend Updates featuring Horatio Sanz I was ready to write that off but he wasn’t on that week and Update had its best show of the year. How about that? Forte, Seth and Amy got a lot of airtime and aside from Darrell’s horrible Bush- this was a fun show to watch.

 

12.6.03- Rev. Al Sharpton/Pink/Tracy Morgan/Paris Hilton

Avg. skit: **.3

Unlike political counterparts Sen. John McCain and Al Gore- Rev. Sharpton was not very good on SNL. Luckily Tracy Morgan to brought into help and he helped the show from becoming a disaster. The show was going okay for a bit but after Pink’s second performance it just fell apart and never recovered.

 

12.13.03- Elijah Wood/JET/Chris Kattan

Avg. skit: **.8

 

Elijah Wood was a great host and a very funny episode resulted. The sad thing is they cut two really funny skits that could’ve made this show a classic. The show had some great stuff (The political humour, Who is the Highest?) and was a fun show to end the year on.

 

1.10.04- Jennifer Aniston/Black Eyed Peas/Al Franken

Avg skit: **.4

 

I don’t know whether the writers were mourning the death of Yinka Dare but this was one of the most disappointing shows of the season. Jennifer Aniston may be a cold hearted bitch (she could’ve signed) but she’s extremely funny and it should’ve been very easy to write a show around her. I guess not. This show had a very funny political skit written by Al Franken and not much else. Aniston was very funny and tried her best but there’s only so much you can do.

 

1.17.04- Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson/G-Unit

Avg. skit: **.5

 

Jessica Simpson brought a lot of energy to the show and it looked like she was having fun and a good show resulted. The show had two ****1/2 skits (Mexican Restaurant and American Idol: Celebrity Edition) and was a lot of fun with a few clunkers. The bad music really brought the show down which is a same.

 

2.7.04- Megan Mullally/Clay Aiken

Avg. skit: **.6

 

Jeff Richards getting fired was pretty newsworthy but it ended up not affecting the show was it was pretty great. We had another appearance by Dave Clinger and a hilarious skit with Megan Mullally driving a cab. Clay Aiken and a terrible monologue really dragged the show down but there was lots of great stuff here and I enjoyed watching it.

 

2.14.04- Drew Barrymore/Kelis

Avg. skit: **.3

 

This was a tale of two shows. The first half was just unbearably bad but a really good Weekend Update seemed to spark the show and the last half was awesome. They really dropped the ball on spoofing the White Stripes and I still haven’t figured out the point of that Scott Waino stuff. Not a good show but it was an easy thumbs up from 12:10-1.

 

2.21.04- Christina Agulera/Maroon 5

Avg. skit: **.8

 

Aside from pissing me off by having Maya Rudolph play Charlotte (I’m never letting that go) this was pretty awesome. Christina shocked the hell out of everyone by being a really good host. Will Forte was awesome here as his segment on Weekend Update was probably the funniest thing of the year. Maroon 5 was pretty great too.

 

3.6.04- Colin Firth/Norah Jones/Ana Gasteyer

Avg. skit: ***

 

What a great show this. Will Forte again shone here as we had our first ***** skit of the year and he was hilarious in the Jesus Hill skit that closed the show. They also had a Ferecito skit! And it was nice to see Ana Gasteyer back as Martha Stewart. Norah Jones was pretty good as well. Overall a great show.

 

3.13.04- Ben Affleck/NERD/Kelly Ripa

Avg. skit: ***

 

I missed this episode when it initially aired and had to wait a long time to see it. It was well worth the wait as this was one hilarious show. Boston Teens, Appalachian Emergency Room, Top O’ The Morning all rocked and a lot of people loved the Gigli skit. NERD was disappointing and prevented this show from being the best of the year. But enough negativity- this show rocked!

 

4.3.04- Donald Trump/Toots and the Maytals/George something/Carolyn Kepcher

Avg. skit: **.2

 

Just a depressing show to watch. Donald was terrible and seemed to be most interested in stroking his own ego. The fact that he couldn’t play anyone but himself was annoying. Seth and Will Forte got pushed to the back burner after 4 weeks of great performances. And Seth Meyers got cut from WU so things could fall on Maya Rudolph’s head in the worst WU ever. At least we got Tina cleavage.

 

4.10.04- Janet Jackson/Tracy Morgan/Chris Kattan/Simon Cowell

Avg. skit: **.6

 

This show was pretty fun. I loved the Cork Soakers thing and seeing them bring back the Christmas Song put a big smile on my face. Janet tried hard and I loved her Condaleeza Rice impression. Weekend Update was able to rebound from its previous weeks horrorfest and made sure nothing fell on anyone’s a head. A good show that surprised me and I was glad they rebounded from the Donald.

 

5.1.04- Lindsay Lohan/Usher/Ludacris

Avg. skit: **.5

 

A fairly bland show that was saved by Lindsay Lohan's beautiful breasts and her inability to stay in character when everyone else loses it. Debbie Downer and Harry Potter became the two most talked about SNL skits in a long time thus making this show one for the history books. That three skit punch of Jarrett-Club Traxx-Joel was hard to sit through.

 

5.8.04- Snoop Dogg/Avril Lavigne

Avg. skit: ***.3

 

A fantastic show from top to bottom. It featured some of my favourite recurring characters and Snoop was an awesome host who had me cracking up the whole show. Avril was a kickass musical guest and there was only one skit I didn’t like. Ferecito, Freestyling, the monologue, Avril's first song, the cold opening, WU= all ****+

 

Best Skit from Each Episode-

(does not include musical guests)

 

Jack Black show: Weekend Update-

Cast- Fey, Fallon, Richards, Rudolph. Mitchell, Thompson

Thoughts- Remember when Seth Meyers had the breakout commentary in the John Goodman episode? That didn't happen with Finesse. Finesse has some potential but needs to learn the art of slowing down. You don't want to become like Kevin Nealon. I could understand if he was just nervous since that's expected. But in the future- talk slowly. Kenan did a really good Cosby even though Tina did her 'that sucked' face after their bit. If she shares the same sentiments as I do about Maya then bully for her. Jeff did a really good Rush impression even though he didn't have great material. Jeff is great at impressions and needs to stick to just that. The jokes were AWESOME though- Tina and Jimmy were feeling it and they had very few clunkers. Jimmy was really good tonight and had me laughing a lot- maybe it's a sign of things to come. Tina was her usual great self. A great Update to kick off the season. ****

 

Justin Timberlake: Hardball

Cast- Darrell Hammond, Jeff Richards, Amy Poehler, Kenan Thompson

Thoughts- SNL went back to something Darrell is good at, as Hardball is a tried and true success. I love how they mix up Hardball instead of the same old correspondents. It's good to see that Hardball can live on without Paul Begalia and Al Sharpton. Jeff is really good at impressions and this was no exception even though I had no idea who he was portraying. Good to see SNL finally rip on Ann Coulter- and Amy was the perfect person for the impression. Yes- even though I bleed the donkey (or is that the elephant) I do indeed hate Ann Coulter. Kenan's Gary Coleman wasn't as good as is Bill Cosby but I do approve of them giving the new guys exposure. He just needs to stop almost cracking up everytime he is given TV time or else I will forgot he starred in Good Burger and begin to hate him incessantly. All in all this was the usual excellent Hardball. It was headed towards the 5* but it sadly just died off towards the end. The ending doesn't take away from an awesome skit though. ****1/2

 

Halle Berry: National Enquirer

Cast- Berry, Poehler, Parnell

Thoughts- Well the train of mediocrity is over. SNL seems to enjoy spoofing the Home Delivery of the NY Times ads as they did the same thing during last years WU. This was very funny with a lot of good lines and jabs at Mickey Rourke. The last line by Berry kind of killed the good buzz that the skit was building up. It's a shame too since the skit was in the in the 4 star range. ***1/2

 

Kelly Ripa: Tressant Supreme

Cast- Ripa

Thoughts- One thing I don't get about those Kelly Ripa hair commercials- when it looks like she's struggling with her hair- it doesn't look that bad. So it always puzzles me when she's frustrated. Everyone watches that show for Regis anyway. This was really funny and it was good to see Ripa be able to make fun of herself like that. Really good stuff here. ***3/4

 

Andy Roddick: Weekend Update

Cast- Fey, Fallon, Forte, Sanz

Thoughts- I said everything I wanted to say last week about the fat tub of goo. But it's Lorne's show. And if he enjoys unprofessionalism and ruined Updates then more power to him. Horatio wasn't as bad as he was last week. But his appearances still was awful and was an insult to the viewers and aspiring cast members of Saturday Night Live.

The jokes were a step below last weeks jokes- Even though I enjoyed the jabs at Dennis Kuchnich and George Bush. I guess Jimmy learned the hard way that nobody watches David Letterman. It was also great to see Will Forte back at the Update desk as Tim Calhoun was once again hilarious and it was good to see Tim back. With the upcoming presidential election I hope they use him again.

Update was really good but my hatred of Horatio's antics are making it hard for me to give them high ratings. Please leave him off Update next week. PLEASE. ***3/4

 

Alec Baldwin- Weekend Update

Cast- Fey, Fallon, Forte, Armisen

Thoughts- I would first off like to thank Jimmy, Tina, Lorne- whomever for the fact that Horatio Sanz was not on Weekend Update. Will Forte was awesome here- that Sex Tape was one of the funniest things I've seen on Update. The guy's off the wall humour sometimes is a miss but then there are times when it's just a joy to watch- and this was one of them. I've noticed that Will Forte seems to be turning into another Seth Meyers meaning that he always is awesome on Update. Whether it be Tim Calhoun, a sex tape or his bits with Armisen- the guy's forte is Weekend Update. The jokes here were like the Ripa Update and that almost all of them were hilarious. I enjoyed seeing them bring back OH SNAP and Tina's Ahnuld impression once again should've made Darrell Hammond cry with shame. The bit with Christian Slater-Jack Nicholson and Tina was so stupid that it had me cracking up. Kudos to Jimmy for the good impressions. A couple of iffy jokes here mean it can't reach the magic five level but this was awesome. Tina and Jimmy have really stepped up this season and it's a shame I've had to consistently give the Updates poor rankings (for them) thanks to crappy commentaries. I'm glad they had a mix of awesome jokes and hilarious commentaries and I can give them the high rating that they've deserved since the Horatio Sanz debacle. ****3/4

 

Rev. Al Sharpton- Racism and Sexism

Cast- Morgan, Sharpton, Fallon, Sanz, Rudolph, Will Forte, Finesse Mitchell, Thompson

Thoughts- This skit was a lot of fun to watch. When I saw Maya I got nervous but then I looked at the clock and realized it wasn't 12:30. The skit built to its climactic punchline at the end which was very funny. And I loved Will Forte's cameo at the end. I'm glad Sharpton was kind of able to poke fun at his image for one skit. His mockery of Maya was quite funny as well. ***3/4

 

Next up we have tie from the Elijah Wood show. But I’ve used Weekend Update twice so…

 

Elijah Wood- Who is the Highest?

Cast- Wood, Jimmy Fallon, Will Forte, Thompson

Thoughts- All these guys were awesome here. Will Forte is just a funny guy and he was used to perfection. I enjoyed Jimmy and he was able to keep himself together for the most part. Elijah was great and even Kenan got himself a few laughs. The stuff with the gum, nailing him in the groin- all great stuff. Good to see SNL playing to people's strengths and letting them go out there and be funny. ****1/2

 

Jennifer Aniston- Senator John Kerry

Cast- Meyers, Parnell, Poehler, Hammond, Will Forte, Fallon, Kenan Thompson

Thoughts- Given that he was on Weekend Update, I wonder if Al Franken wrote this skit. And if he did- hats off to Al because this was easily the best skit of the night. Seth's John Kerry was quite good even though he should've mentioned serving in Vietnam. Amy's Dennis Kuchinich was quite creepy- but funny. I feel bad for John Edwards. He sounds like this nice downhome southern gentleman- but on Saturday Night Live he gets made to look like a psycho thanks to Will Forte. Is Carol Mosely Braun doing THAT badly that they couldn't give Finesse a wig and send him out there? I understand that Kenan does her as well but why do they have to make poor Ms. Braun feel left out? SNL usually brings the funny in its political humour and this was no exception. I just hope a win by Bush doesn't mean four more years of Darrell. ***3/4

 

We have another tie. American Idol: Celebrity Editions was just the cast showing off their funny impressions while this skit had Seth and Amy interaction. Yes- I AM biased.

 

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey- Mexican Restaurant

Cast- Lachey, Simpson, Poehler, Meyers, Sanz

Thoughts- This is smart- write Simpson and Lachey into skits where they can play up their one actual talent: Sing. It was great seeing Seth and Amy in a skit as they work so well together. Seth was truly awesome here as everything he did- was funny. I think it sucks that Seth hasn't really done much this year since the guy is really funny and does whatever it takes to get a laugh. Amy was also really funny and the whole situation and setup probably sounded funny on paper and was very funny in execution. My only complaint was when Horatio wrapped the story up- I know they had to do something to wrap it up but that was the only uninteresting part of the skit. Seth and Amy singing at the end was pure gold. A great great skit and I wish they had done writing this good when they had an actual funny person host. ****1/2

 

Megan Mullally- Fun in a Taxi

Cast- Mullally, Thompson, Mitchell

Thoughts- This skit was AWESOME. I was in tears watching this. Kenan was in rare form and was just fantastic. He's been a terrific addition to SNL and it's good to see SNL giving him a chance unlike other black cast members like Dean Edwards and Jerry Minor. I was laughing at everything Megan Mullally was saying and Kenan's facial expressions and just everything he did was great. My only complaint was Finesse. Him entering the skit kind of killed the momentum the skit was building up and I felt he could've played his role a lot better. Still that's just a very minor quibble for an excellent skit that hit on all cylinders. Probably the best skit of the season so far and it was very close to hitting *****. ****3/4

 

Drew Barrymore- Weekend Update

Cast- Fallon, Tina Fey, Rudolph, Mitchell

Thoughts- Tina and Jimmy- this show needs help. Help us out. This was a excellent Weekend Update but was way too short. Seriously- did we really need the skit with that Scott Waino guy? No. That could've been devoted to a funny commentary (Seth!) or more jokes. The jokes were really top-notch and excellent. There wasn't one joke that I didn't laugh at and Tina rebounded from her off week which is good to see. The bit with Tina and Maya wasn't great but there were a couple laughs and I enjoyed Finesse Mitchell. This was awesome but needed to be much longer to truly be a classic. ****

 

Christina Agulera-Weekend Update

Cast- Fallon, Fey, Forte

Thoughts- That's a lot of 'F's. This was a KICKASS Weekend Update but was once again way too short. The jokes kicked a ton of ass except for one or two clunkers. The jokes about Jesus Horses, A-Rod, Outkast and most were awesome stuff. But you can't discuss this WU without discussing the greatness that was Will Forte. His commentary on Black History Month was

HILARIOUS and I was laughing my ass off the whole time.

Will: Tina- it's not half black history month

That's your line of the year right now and I don't think anything is going top it unless we get like the greatest zinger ever. Will is awesome on Weekend Update and if Jimmy leaves I totally endorse him for co-anchor. (Well aside from you know who)

This Update was fantastic- I just wish it had been a lot longer. ****1/2

Colin Firth- Tim Calhoun

Cast- Firth, Forte, Parnell

Thoughts- Oh yea! I love Tim Calhoun a lot and it's one of my favourite recurring commentaries on Weekend Update. Whomever decided to give him his own skit is a genius and deserves a gold star. Forte was ON here and all of his lines were pure gold. "This would be so much better if you didn't have the tape." Colin was also really funny here as the lawyer and the part where he was whispering into Calhoun and Calhoun was repeating it right after was hilarious. Parnell also played the straight man to perfection. Will Forte has been feeling it this year as he's produced great skit after great skit. Even when his stuff doesnt work I just like that he's not afraid to be different or weird- he just wants to be funny. So kudos to Forte on a great season so far and for having his best skit ever. Now if only he could ditch the Falconer. *****

 

Ben Affleck- Cold Opening

Cast- Ben Affleck, Jimmy Fallon, Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz

Thoughts- I always like seeing the Bahston Teens even though they haven’t been as funny as they once were. I’d been waiting for them to say something about the Alex Rodriguez trade and I was glad we finally got to see them and I was even happier when this skit was hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing the minute they panned to Seth and then seeing the reaction on Sully and Denise’s face was too much and I couldn’t stop laughing. I was even in more shock when Seth and Affleck kissed. That’s quite the odd way to get over J-Lo. This was just hilarious and I loved the enthusiastic LFNYISN. ****1/4

 

Donald Trump- Cold Opening

Cast- Carolyn Kepcher, George something, Lorne Michaels, Donald Trump, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Finesse Mitchell

Thoughts- Well everyone knew they were going to spoof the Apprentice so I'm glad they got it out of the way as early as possible. This was really funny and it was good to see Finesse get some time to shine and be funny since I think he has been greatly overshadowed by Kenan this year. And it's always good to see Lorne making a cameo. Donald and his staff were fine here and I liked the burn zing on Jimmy. At least they acknowledge that he cracks up a fair amount. This went on way too long and it just seemed to run out of energy midway through. When the Canucks v. Oilers is on CBC- that's not a good thing. Why did Carolyn get to say LFNYISN? I appreciate her enthusiasm and all but come on- let the Trumpster say it! This was good but should've been trimmed by a few minutes. ***1/4

 

Janet Jackson- Corksoakers

Cast- Jackson, Parnell, Sanz, Fallon, Hammond, Seth Meyers, Dratch, Rudolph, Armisen

Thoughts- Oh man- this was just awesome. Now people who know me know that the word ‘cock’ is one of my favourite words in the English language and I also believe it to be one of the funniest. It just rolls off the tongue and it’s just so so funny. So I was very happy to see SNL make a skit out of one of my favourite words. I’m not going to come down on Janet for laughing since I’m sure she was afraid of pissing off the FCC again with a slip of the tongue. This had so many great and hilarious quotable lines and I just couldn’t stop laughing the whole way through and almost every double entendre was just awesome. SNL needs to do more piss off the censor skits like this because they always seem to be tremendously funny and I just like watching them play beat the censor. A great skit and kudos to everyone for that one. ****1/2

 

 

Lindsay Lohan- Harry Potter

Cast- Lohan, Dratch, Seth Meyers, Parnell, Sanz

Thoughts- Ohhhhhhhhhhh yea. Damn. Those three words easily describe this one.

 

Tina: So does anyone have any ideas for this weekend?

Writer: Well uhhhhh you know how Lindsay you uhhhhh ummmmm are uhhh very well umm you know well developed and ummmmmm I was thinking ummm uhhhhh we could ummmmm do a uhhhhhhh skit about ummmmm your uhhhh well developedness.

 

Lindsay's best features are her luscious boobs and I was very happy that SNL decided to do a skit based on around them. Let's be honest here- if Dog Show was playing in the background I would still love this skit because I'm a pervert who likes Lindsay Lohan cleavage. The magnifying glass? Awesome! When I wasn't being a pedophile I did happen to notice a lot of funny lines and good double entendres. I'm glad SNL got the most out of their female host this week. And once again: Damn. ****1/4

 

Snoop Dogg- Ferecito

Cast- Dogg, Armisen, Sanz

Thoughts- Yes! Yes! Yes! Ferecito is back. This was just hilarious and one of the best sketches of the year. The interplay between Ferecito and Manuel about Omarosa, Ferecito's terrible monologue, the resurrection of deez nuts (That's how you do it John Cena) and just Snoop being Snoop led to pure comedy gold. Oh and Ferecito Walking was the funniest thing I've seen this year and takes over Lindsay Lohan's attempts to stay in character in the Debbie Downer skit. I couldn’t stop laughing during that whole bit and I actually applauded when it was done just to make sure this did not get cut. Snoop and Ferecito getting down to the Ferecito music, Ferecito saying 24 in Spanish- it was aaaaaaaaaaaall good. I hope they do this next year and Fred gets promoted to cast member because this character is this awesome. ****1/2

 

Now for Ferecito's Spanish reviews I present the review en Espanol-

 

¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! Ferecito está detrás. Éste era apenas hilarante y uno de los mejores bosquejos del año. La interacción entre Ferecito y Manuel sobre el monólogo terrible de Omarosa, de Ferecito's, la resurrección de las tuercas del deez (That's cómo usted la hace Juan Cena) y Snoop justo que era Snoop condujo al oro puro de la comedia. El Oh y el caminar de Ferecito eran la cosa más divertida I've vista este año y asume el control las tentativas de Lindsay Lohan's de permanecer en carácter en el skit del downer de Debbie. No podría parar el reír durante ese pedacito entero y aplaudí realmente cuando acaba de ser hecho para cerciorarse de que éste no consiguió el corte. Snoop y Ferecito que conseguían abajo a la música de Ferecito, Ferecito que decía 24 en español era aaaaaaaaaaaall bueno. Espero que hagan el este año próximo y Fred consigue promovido a para echar a miembro porque este carácter es éste impresionante. **** el 1/2

 

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen- Farewell Jimmy

Cast- Everyone

Thoughts- What a way for Jimmy to go out: Having to hear Tina sing. They cut Finesse making out with Rachel and Amy turning down the same offer from Will. Even though I liked the Will Ferrell tribute more this was very sad in its own way (I mean Tina sang) but I was loving it. From Amy talking about the Thursday night orgies to Horatio and Fred singing to Darrell just standing

[bob_barron 0]

Top 10 skits of the year (not counting musical guests or Weekend Update)

 

1. Tim Calhoun from Colin Firth (featuring Firth, Forte, Parnell) *****

2. Fun in a Taxi from Megan Mullally (featuring Mullally, Thompson, Mitchell) ****3/4

3. Hardball from Justin Timberlake (featuring Hammond, Richards, Poehler, Thompson) ****1/2

4. Ferecito from Snoop Dogg (featuring Dogg, Sanz, Armisen)

5. Cork Soakers from Janet Jackson (featuring Jackson, Parnell, Meyers, Sanz, Fallon, Hammond, Dratch, Rudolph, Armisen) ****1/2

6. Who is the Highest from Elijah Wood (featuring Wood, Fallon, Forte, Thompson) ****1/2

7. Mexican Restaurant from Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey (featuring Simpson, Lachey, Meyers, Sanz, Poehler) ****1/2

8. American Idol: Celebrity Edition from Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson (featuring Simpson, Lachey, Rudolph, Parnell, Forte, Poehler, Sanz, Richards, Mitchell) ****1/2

9. Boston Teens from Ben Affleck (featuring Affleck, Meyers, Fallon, Poehler, Dratch) ****1/4

10. An Easter Treat from SNL from Janet Jackson (featuring Cowell, Kattan, Morgan, Fallon, Sanz) ****1/4

 

 

By castmember-

Dratch: 2 Previous Year: 1

Fallon: 4 Previous Year: 0

Fey: 0 Previous Year: 0

Forte: 3 Previous Year: 1

Hammond: 2 Previous Year: 3

Meyers: 3 Previous Year: 2

Parnell: 3 Previous Year: 2

Poehler: 4 Previous Year: 2

Richards: 2 Previous Year: 1

Rudolph: 2 Previous Year: 1

Sanz: 5 Previous Year: 1

Armisen: 2 Previous Year: 0

Mitchell: 2

Thompson: 3

 

And now it’s time for the TOP FIVE!!!!!

 

Top 5 Weekend Updates-

 

1. Alec Baldwin ****3/4

2. Elijah Wood ****1/2

3. Christina Agulera ****1/2

4. Jack Black ****

5. Ben Affleck ****

 

The Top 5 Musical Guest Performances-

 

1. Avril Lavigne 'Don't Tell Me'

2. Outkast ‘The Way You Move’

3. Avril Lavigne 'My Happy Ending'

4. Justin Timberlake ‘Senorita’

5. Justin Timberlake ‘Cry Me a River’

 

Top 5 Monologues-

1. Snoop Dogg ****

2. Ben Affleck ***3/4

3. Lindsay Lohan ***1/2

4. Jack Black ***1/2

5. Jennifer Aniston ***1/4

 

Top 5 Cold Openings-

 

1. Hardball from Justin Timberlake ****1/2

2. Boston Teens from Ben Affleck ****1/4

3. Forte and Rumself from Snoop Dogg ****

4. Nightline from Colin Firth ***3/4

5. Condaleeza Rice testifies from Janet Jackson ***3/4

 

 

Top 5 last skits (this should be interesting and I’m not counting musical guests)-

 

1. Farewell Jimmy **** from Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen

2. Adopt a Pet from Kelly Ripa ***1/2

3. Crazy Speed Reader from Halle Berry ***1/4

4. Jesus Hill from Colin Firth ***

5. Full Moon Killer from Ben Affleck ***

 

 

Top 5 Weekend Update commentaries-

 

1. Will Forte on black history month

2. Will Forte sex tape

3. Darrell as Bill Clinton

4. Darrell as Bill Clinton

5. Will Forte as Tim Calhoun

 

Top 5 skits cut from dress rehearsal-

 

1. Celebrity Poker from Elijah Wood

2. O'Reilly Factor from Elijah Wood

3. Zing v. Slam from Snoop Dogg

4. Spyglass from Lindsay Lohan

5. Al Gore tries to convince people to vote for Al Gore from Elijah Wood

 

Ranking the shows-

 

1. Snoop Dogg/Avril Lavigne ***.3

2. Colin Firth/Norah Jones ***

3. Ben Affleck/NERD ***

4. Elijah Wood/JET **.8

5. Christina Agulera **.8

6. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen/J-Kwon **.76

7. Jack Black/John Mayer **.7

8. Justin Timberlake **.6

9. Megan Mullally/Clay Aiken **.6

10. Janet Jackson **.6

11. Alec Baldwin/Missy Elliot **.6

12. Lindsay Lohan/Usher **.5

13. Jessica Simpon and Nick Lachey/G-Unit **.5

14. Jennifer Aniston **.4

15. Kelly Ripa/Outkast **.37

16. Drew Barrymore/Kelis **.3

17. Rev. Al Sharpton/Pink **.3

18. Donald Trump/Toots and the Maytals **.2

19. Halle Berry/Britney Spears **.2

20. Andy Roddick/Dave Matthews *.78

 

And now it’s time for the…. Bottom 5!

 

Worst 5 Weekend Update segments-

 

5. Justin Timberlake ***1/4

4. Megan Mullally ***1/4

3. Jennifer Aniston ***

2. Halle Berry ***

1. Donald Trump **1/2

 

Worst 5 Musical Guest Performances-

 

5. J-Kwon 'Everybody in the Club Get Tipsy'” 3/4*

4. Clay Aiken “The Way” ¾*

3. G-Unit “Stunt 101” ½*

2. Kelis “Milkshake” 1/2*

1. Clay Aiken “Invisible” ¼*

 

Worst 5 Monologues-

 

5. Halle Berry **

4. Janet Jackson *1/2

3. Justin Timberlake *1/2

2. Drew Barrymore *1/2

1. Megan Mullally *

 

Worst 5 Cold Openings-

 

5. Hardball (Christina Aguilera) ***

4. Donald and Jeff Zucker share a moment (Jen Aniston) ***

3. Barbra Walters interviews Martha (Andy Roddick) **1/2

2. George W. Bush addresses the nation (Alec Baldwin) *

1. George W. Bush addresses the nation (Kelly Ripa) *

 

Worst Last Skits- (this should be funny)

 

5. Action 13 from Andy Roddick *

4. Boom Boomer from Janet Jackson ¾*

3. Johnny Cash from Rev. Al Sharpton DUD

2. Barry Gibb from Justin Timberlake DUD

1. The People on the Apprentice sing from Donald Trump DUD

 

Worst Weekend Update commentaries-

 

5. Maya Rudolph reporting from Martha Stewart’s town

4. Finesse Mitchell as OJ Simpson

3. Horatio Sanz and George Wendt as the Superfans

2. Maya Rudolph as Omarosa

1. Horatio Sanz as Jimmy Buffett

 

Rating the Cast-

 

Rachel Dratch- I don’t really remember anything Rachel Dratch did- aside from the memorable Debbie Downer. She had a solid year and I've been liking her more and more especially since Maya has taken over the role as least favourite female. She had an eh year. ** Last year: *1/4

 

Jimmy Fallon- I thought Jimmy improved on his horrible crackup fest last season. Man in the Box grew on me and except for one skit in the Trump show he kept the laughter to a minimum. Even though Weekend Update suffered in the commentaries department that's not really his fault. In some episodes the jokes were fantastic and I always enjoyed watching him perform. This was a good way to go out for him and he will be missed. ***1/2 Last year: **

 

Tina Fey- Tina took a bit of a step back this year as there were times Update seemed to stumble. Now granted it's not entirely her fault but she's the head writer and she should make sure crap like Omarosa and Horatio's various commentaries don’t make it to the Update desk. Still- a lot of the jokes on Weekend Update were awesome and a stumbling year for Update is still better then a lot of other stuff SNL seems to put out. I'd like to see what they do with Update next year as I'm sure a Tina solo job would be fine. **** Last year: ****1/4

 

Will Forte- This was Will Forte's chance to shine and he did a fantastic job. Tim Calhoun, The Benny Hill Jesus, Will on Black History Month, Will Fortee sex tape- the list just goes on and on and on. Even when some of his stuff didn’t work- it was at least something different and you could tell he was trying to do anything to make it work. Lorne even showed his great faith in Will by giving him George W. Bush after his fine performance in the Drew Barrymore episode. Will had an absolutely amazing season and I look forward to seeing him being given more chances in 2004-2005. ****1/4 Last year: **

 

Darrell Hammond- Darrell had an amazing 2002-2003 season and I was hoping against hope that he would leave on a very high note. Unfortunately, he came back and he got off to a terrible start. His Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was embarrassing and his George W. Bush was insulting to the viewer. Mercifully both were ditched and he was left with having to resurrect Clinton to give him any sense of his usefulness. His Clinton is damn funny so I'm not complaining but once again Darrell became depressing to watch. He really needs to leave- SNL will be just fine without him. **1/4 Last year: ****

 

Seth Meyers- Seth had an up and down season. He really didn’t do much the first half but the Jeff Richards firing opened up a lot of airtime for him. Seth also lucked out in getting John Kerry when he was lagging in the polls against Howard Dean and of course Kerry soon became the Democratic nominee for President giving Seth lots of potential airtime. Seth also made a splash with his new character Dave Clinger. The character was an immediate hit and coined a phrase among me and my friends. Sadly Seth was not on Weekend Update at all- which is complete and utter horseshit since that's where he shines best and that desk made him a star. I'd like to give Seth a higher rating but his lack of airtime in the first season really hurt him even though I'm glad he got more prolific as the season went on. ***3/4 Last year: ****

 

Chris Parnell- He's still on this show? Parnell is the most vanilla castmember on SNL. I can't remember anything off the top of my head he did that was great or anything that pissed me off. He's just there. I'll never understand why SNL brought him back and I don’t really get what purpose he has. Parnell was one of my favourites but ever since he came back he's just been totally useless. *1/2 Last year: **

 

Amy Poehler- Amy had a really good year and I always enjoyed seeing her in skits. She plays the straight woman very well and I always enjoyed seeing her in skits where Seth caused her to be exasperated. I enjoyed her impressions and thought she did just fine this season. ***1/2 Last year: ***1/2

 

Jeff Richards- He got fired. It's still funny.

 

Maya Rudolph- Thankfully Lorne scaled back the mega push she got the previous season as Maya was no longer monopolizing airtime. Sadly she wasn't fired and we still had to put up with her "humour". Second Time Around- not funny. Omarosa getting hit in the head- not funny. Diana Ross- not funny. Maya made me laugh once or twice this season but she was her usual terrible self. I still find her to be the weakest link on the SNL cast. And there was no way she should've played Charlotte. 1/2* Last year: 1/2*

 

Horatio Sanz- Horatio really got on my nerves at the beginning of the year. And by 'really got me on nerves' I mean 'I hated that worthless piece of crap and wanted him off SNL'. Once he was kept away from the Update desk and was kept in small doses he wasn't that bad and in fact I'll admit it: He was quite amusing. But I can not forgive that man for RUINING some potentially great Updates and for that his grade suffers dearly. * Last year: *

 

Fred Armisen- I enjoyed watching Fred this season. Even though some of his stuff just didn’t work (Club Traxx, Coco and Matsui) the man always redeems himself when he busts out Ferecito (Es muy bueno) and I loved his Indian character as it was so bad you couldn’t help but laugh. I really hope they promote Fred and give him some more airtime. He could truly shine. ***3/4 Last year: ***

 

Finesse Mitchell- Finesse followed in the footsteps of Jerry Minor and Dean Edwards as 'black guy who no one cares about'. Well I really liked Jerry Minor and I loved Dean Edwards and weeeeeeeell I'm not a fan of Finesse. His one big character sucked and he just never did anything to make me go 'I like this guy'. Okay- so his Klesko jersey was BAD ASS in the Freestylin' skit but other then that he was eh-oh-riffic. *1/4

 

Kenan Thompson- I was looking forward to seeing Kenan on SNL since well he was in Heavyweights. I thought Kenan deserved a lot more airtime this year as he found him to be very funny. His Bill Cosby ruled (Get Outta Mah Face) and he had good comedic timing and I liked his Star Jones impression. I hope Kenan is retained as I would love to see more from him. ***

 

Farewell Fallon/Fey-

Jimmy Fallon's announcement that he's leaving means that after 4 years fallonfey is no more. I was very skeptical of Fallon/Fey since:

 

a) I thought it'd really hurt Jimmy skitwise (I was right there)

b) Tina who? (I was really wrong there)

 

They ended up becoming a great team and I fell in love with Tina and I really enjoyed Jimmy as well. We had 4 years and I'd like to say thank you.

 

Thank you for-

 

Tim Meadows' cameo

Tina's first rant

Jimmy's terrible movie review

I am dumber then a French whore

The Robert DeNiro cameo

I Have An Opinion

It's a Beautiful Day/I love Tina Fey

The Terrible Reenactments

Dr. Theodore J. Fuggelheimerson

Rasheed Jenskins

Weekend Update inside joke

Cooter

Random David Copperfield cameos

All homos over 14 will be given a bat.

Kid Rock and David Spade

Cut Arquette joke

Lamont Bond

The whole Walken update

The baby cliffhanger

Kevin Nealon

Jimmy's horrible hair

US officials continue the search for Osama Bin Ladin. Reports suggest that Bin Ladin is most likely somewhere remote and barren, where he will not encounter others. The FBI has begun searching theatres showing the movie "Glitter."

The joke off

Land Shark

Colin Quinn

Gay Hitler

Neil Diamond

The whole Barrymore update

Seth Meyers on the Yankees

The Weekend Update Pizza Party against Terrorism

Pee Wee rant

Tonight's topic on Point/Counterpoint: Derek Jeter Sucks <----> No I Don't

The Brazilian city of Esperantina has announced that Orgasm Day will be celebrated on May 9. They hope you come.

The whole Jeter update

Tina singing? (Wait- scratch that one)

I'm here to talk to my Uncle Rollo

OH SNAP

Hornets Nest

Enron rant

Gay Speedskating Hitler

Jimmy sings about the Olympics

Time travelling vagina

Pie of doom

JON STEWART

Secret Joke

Does this mean I'm knighted?! Or, did I just get queened?

Oh Snap Part 2

Dean as Denzel

Savannah Dakota Fey

The Weekend Update All Stars

Matt and Seth on WU

Shut up and eat the shrimp

Phil Collins

High School Reunion

The Metal Detector of Awesomeness

Tina, Jimmy and the whores

According to a recent Bureau of Justice survey, night is the most dangerous time for law enforcement officers. Second most dangerous time: day.

Dean as Don Cheadle

Jimmy and Tina dancing

Will and Fred singing

Steve Martin, Will Ferrell and Britney Spears on one WU

Jimmy and Tina yell at America

Wrap your minds around that one

Ferecito and Lupe

The whole Hayek Weekend Update

Tina's celebration after the eating out joke

I'm Tina Fey. No one can beat Kentucky.

Tracy mocks Saddam

More punching

Tribute to Kattan

Jimmy's bad ass moustache

Every joke in the Ripa WU

Tim Calhoun

Will Forte sex tape

Jimmy Fallon explains what you did

Last week, Britney Spears married Jason Alexander. In a related story, Christina Aguilera sixty-nined Newman.

Donald mocks Jimmy's hair

Jimmy as William Hung

It's not half black history month

Clinton on WU

Red bra

The heckler

The song montage

Jimmy and Tina dancing to Usher

Troy montage

 

And finally…

 

Thanks for just being two funny people who had great chemistry and could read news well

[bob_barron 0]

SNL Trip Report: Finale Edition!

 

When we last left me at the standby line: I campaigned to free Michael Jackson, had an awkward encounter with Conan O'Brien and got to see a dress rehearsal of the best show of the year.

 

I arrived at the standby line a little after 10 am. Yes I know what you're thinking: 50 people get in last week and you show up 7 hrs earlier. I had to do 20+ standby one last time even if by now whether I was getting in was no longer a question.

 

I went inside to see if we could see any castmembers coming in. We saw Amy Poehler walk by and exchanged pleasantries. Chris Parnell came in but he was really late and wouldn't pose for a picture with my friend ChristianJewishAllah. Jimmy came in next and he seemed really tired as he had just woken up. Since he's Jimmy and he's so nice- he signed a picture of Lex Luger for me and talked to us for a few minutes.

 

Even though I've had great luck meeting the host- I figured the Olsen Twins (excuse me- Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen) were destined to garage it. Since well their teenage billionaires and have lots of security as evidenced by the time I met them at Letterman. Well to the shock of everyone in what can only be deemed a standby moment:

 

They didn't garage!

 

Everyone was pretty stunned by this amazing development and we just waved at them and said hello. As they were waiting to get on the elevator I sang the Full House theme song (the longer version) which caused Ashley to turn back and look at me. Throughout the day Ashley came out a few times and posed for pictures but I was too busy playing golf to go up to her.

 

For the next few hours we mostly just hung out and enjoyed the standby experience. I was kept unbored thanks to a football, a mini-golf set and a tampon. (Is unbored even a word?)

 

Finesse walked by the line and shook my hand- he's a good guy. Chris Parnell came down a bit later and apologised for not taking a picture and made up for it by you guessed it...taking a picture. He was very nice although he declined my invitation for a quick game of mini-golf. Playing mini-golf was really hard since people kept getting in the way and the street is on a downward slope so the ball just keeps travelling. I tried to get them to close off the street for my golf game but it was to no avail.

 

I met Peter Gallagher from the OC. Why that deserves its own paragraph we will never know.

 

After a trip to McDonalds that saw me and my friends manage to cause everyone to leave. I went back to the standby line and it was time to wait for the cast to come out.

 

Rachel Dratch came down and got mobbed. Because of Mary Kate and Ashley there were a lot of people there so the cast actually got to feel important for once. Amy Poehler came down next and was very nice to her biggest fans. My picture with her is kind of ruined due to my friend yelling out something very funny the minute the picture was taken. Maya and Parnell came down again. I would've again invited Parnell to play golf again but the hole machine thingy was broken and he was on the 49th st side.

 

Jimmy came down for a bit (I don't know why) and as usual he was really cool. He got MOBBED and as usual accommodated everyone and that's no small feat. I told Jimmy that if this was his last show then thanks for being so nice and always signing/taking photos etc and we shared a manly 100% heterosexual hug. As many times as Jimmy did irk me with his performances on the show- he always was one of the nicest (if not THE nicest) castmember on SNL.

 

We waited for Mary Kate and Ashley to come down but so did a lot of other people and they ended up moving their car into the garage.

 

Fred came down and talked to us for a few minutes. He was taping the Access Hollywood skit with Seth and the twins. Seth then came down and he was his usual awesome self. Someone wore a shirt that said 'My Heart Belongs to Seth' and Seth signed it. Lorne came down and was actually in a good mood for once.

 

We waited for Tina for a while but we all got tired and were sick of playing 'Watch the cars' so we gave up. No biggie since I'd met her a couple times.

 

To pass the time until 7 I:

 

played lots and lots of golf (I used a McDonalds cup as a hole)

engaged in a debate over whether Rolling Stone was a left wing propaganda piece

and discussed the Kill Bill movies and the Matrix trilogy

and of course...more golf

 

The lady handed out the tickets at 7 am and I got #7 for dress. Would I get in?

 

LATER THAT NIGHT-

 

I got in.

 

It's got to the point where getting in has become such a foregone conclusion that I really don't see the need to hype it up and make it a big suspenseful thing anymore. Once you get in 8 times in a row- well yea.

 

JB Smoove (noooooooo) did the warmup. He again was not very funny.

 

Now it's time for....

 

WHAT!

GOT!

CUT!

 

Tatoo Remover- This was the same thing from last week.

 

Wake up Wakefield

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Rudolph, Dratch, Sanz

 

This was the usual eh Wake up Wakefield. The Olsens played foreign exchange students (MK was a Euro trash elietist, Ashley a brainy Korean) and Maya's new crush was some Norweigan pop singer. The skit dragged a lot as Maya's new crush wasn't funny and the Olsens had nothing to do. Rachel had some funny lines as Sheldon and Horatio doing the Usher 'Yeah' dance was really funny. **

 

Message from the President

Cast- Forte

 

This was the same as last week.

 

Coco and Matsui

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Armisen, Rudolph

 

This was the same character they did in the Jennifer Aniston show. This DRAAAAAGED. Seriously. There were some funny lines but this skit was just so long that it sucked all the life out of it. *

 

J-Kwon

 

No idea what this song was called but he channelled Snoop Dogg by saying:

 

3 to the 4 to the 6

 

and he kept going: WHEN I SAY (unintelligble) you say (unintelligible). This was really bad. *

 

Octane

This was from the Barrymore show.

 

There were a lot of changes in the skits from dress to live that I will note in my 50 page season finale review which should be up tomorrow. The live show was so much better then dress.

 

Well this wraps up my 4th season of providing trip reports. I'd like to thank:

 

ChristianJewishAllah, New York, Lauren, Lauren's mom, Jamie, Louis, Kelly, Alix, Meg, Gordon, Moi (RIP), Kevin, Donald O'Connor, Bryan, Sebastien, this girl who was an Orlando Magic fan who kept me awake by taking basketball with me, and others whose names I do not remember but they all made the standby line so much fun to be in to the point where I wouldn't mind not getting into the show.

 

And I'd most of all like to thank Jimmy Fallon who never turned down an autograph, hug, kiss or picture request. That's pretty nice- especially when you consider some of the people he had to hug and kiss.

 

I don't know when I'm doing standby next but you can bet another wacky trip report will be accompanied with it.

 

 

And now my last review until October

 

Cold Opening

Cast- Darrell Hammond, Chris Parnell, Seth Meyers, Kenan Thompson

Thoughts- Good to see Kenan getting a chance to do Rev. Al Sharpton and I thought he did a very good job of it. I LOVE Seth's John Kerry so it was great to see him get a chance to do it. It's very funny and I know it will give him more airtime in the fall. Thank God Howard Dean went nuts. Parnell's character was just not funny. His shameless asskissing of Bush was just so not funny and really brought the skit down for me and made it not one of the better Hardballs. I don’t know who Jimmy would've played but it would've been nice had he gotten to do LFNYISN on his last show. A good cold opening although somewhat disappointing for a Hardball. ***1/2

 

Monologue

Cast- Ashley Olsen, Mary Kate Olsen, Jimmy Fallon, Will Forte, Maya Rudolph, Parnell, Dratch

Thoughts- It's weird that everyone in the free world knew that the Olsens were missing their senior prom for SNL. This was slimmed down from dress as the bit where Ashley was upset about missing the prom was longer. This was a cute concept but what was with the outdated songs? It also ran a bit too long and Maya's character really dragged it down for me. Will was really funny and I loved the fight between him and Jimmy at the end. Had it been slimmed down a bit more it would've been a lot better. **1/2

 

Paparazzi

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Amy Poehler

Thoughts- I remember they did this in the Jennifer Aniston monologue and it wasn't very funny then so I don’t get why they brought it back. I guess the highlight is supposed to be the host mocking themselves but other then that you are not left with very much. Some of the burn zing slam snaps at the celebs were funny (The David Spade one for sure) but the rest of the skit was pretty lame and I just wasn't feeling it. This was pretty good but you're never gonna get a lot of laughs out of it. **

 

Mary Kate and Ashley perfume

Cast- Olsen, Olsen

Thoughts- This was great. For some reason I thought it was for shampoo- but I guess not. I just liked how Mary Kate kept trying to make these sexy faces the whole time- and she kept failing as it just looked incredibly stupid and goofy. I also like how their faces kept getting more confused and befuddled as the skit went on. This was very clever and a lot of fun. ***3/4

 

Z-105

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Fallon

Thoughts- How this skit grew on me we will never know. I think that Jimmy knows it's really bad and now he's just trying to have fun with it and you know what? That's awesome. His increasingly louder and more obnoxious AND WE'RE BAAAAAAAACK just had me laughing harder and harder. I loved the bit between Tyrone the weatherman and Sonjay and of course DAVE COULIER!~ Now in dress the bit with Coulier was longer but I guess they:

 

Cut

It

Out

 

The ending was also different in dress as the Olsens took over the show when Jimmy went to go pee. It was still a Z105 skit so I can't praise it too much but this was the best one yet and I'm glad this character got to go out with a bang. ***

 

The Swan

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Poehler, Parnell, Rudolph, Tina Fey, Seth Meyers

Thoughts- In dress Parnell said 'beaten with an ugly stick' instead of fugly. Ashley was funny as the ugly girl even though someone pointed out that Ashley's before appearance was more suited for Extreme Makeover then the Swan. From what I was told this was a dead on parody of the Swan. As someone who doesn’t watch the show (it'd make me feel dirty) I still found this to be very funny. I like Amber because farting is funny and Amy makes it work. The random cameos from Tina and Seth were also hilarious. The mirror bit didn’t make any sense and I didn’t really like it but other then that this was really funny. Kudos to Amy and Tina for being able to sit through The Swan. ***3/4

 

J-Kwon

Thoughts- Why did they bring back Dean Edwards if they were just going to have him sing? I didn’t know who J-Kwon was going into the show and since he rapped with another dude- I still don’t know who J-Kwon is. It's incredibly sad when your second song is cut from the show. I mean…damn. I guess every musical act in the country cancelled or something. Enough with the jokes- this was terrible. 3/4*

 

Weekend Update

Cast- Fallon, Fey, Sanz

Thoughts- This was an awesome edition of Weekend Update even though you know who brought it down a bit. Jimmy reviewing Troy was hilarious (Jimmy- TV voice!) and it was a great way for him to go out. The jokes were awesome- I loved the Daterapeville Maine one especially. I'm glad Jimmy got to punch Tina in the face one last time and Tina finally got her revenge. She got to slap him too. This was a great way for Fallon and Fey to go out and yes I'm ignoring Horatio cause I don’t want to go off on an angry rant in the last Fallon/Fey update. Thanks Jimmy- it was fun. ****

 

The Backpack Shack

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Fallon, Sanz, Rudolph

Thoughts- This was really cute and fun to watch. It was weird seeing Jimmy in a skit after he had just announced he was leaving. My favourite part was when Maya went over to the list of celebrities and out of nowhere we get Eric Stoltz and the late Robert Stack. Stoltz was awesome in Pulp Fiction. I also loved the ending with the Olsens- them in the duck suits was random and really funny. ***1/4

 

Access Hollywood

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Meyers, Fallon, Armisen

Thoughts- I thought Jimmy's Pat O'Brien was funny but I never liked how he would constantly point out how nasal his voice was because we get it. Fred was hilarious as the third twin and he had great one liners. The clips from New York Minute were also very funny and I have to question which writer had to see the movie. Well I guess the Olsens could've come up with scenes but whatever- someone had to see the movie. That's got to be awkward working with Tina all week knowing that her movie kicked their movies ass. Oh and I have to say that the last line (Find out what Nicole Kidman was pointing at) was hilarious. I'm glad Pat O'Brien got to go out in a funny fashion. ***3/4

 

The Bloater Brothers

Cast- Don Pardo, Olsen, Olsen, Fallon, Parnell, Poehler, Dratch

Thoughts- Jimmy's last show and we get this instead of Boston Teens or Nick Burns- that's quite unfair. I always had a soft spot for the Bloaters as I never found them as bad as other people did but this one really didn’t work. It was nice to see them almost score in the end and the Don Pardo cameo was as random as random cameos can be but the jokes just weren't working and the skit dragged a lot and just the fact that we got this over some of Jimmy's best characters really sucks. *

 

Memorial Day Home Video

Cast- Olsen, Olsen, Meyers, Parnell, Poehler, Forte

Thoughts- I thought for sure this was getting cut since the response was not what I hoped for. But they came to their senses and put it on the air and this rocked. From the Olsens imitating the dad to Seth sticking out his tongue, to Parnell's ass crack- this was very funny and was very true to life. I don’t get why Will played a cop and the extra played the other cop but whatever. Seth and Parnell totally owned this skit and even Mary Kate and Ashley made me laugh which I believe was one of the few times they did the whole show. ***1/2

 

The Adventures of Harold

Thoughts- It took me three weeks to get all the jokes in this one. Now I got all the jokes. Still sucks. DUD

 

Farewell Jimmy

Cast- Everyone

Thoughts- What a way for Jimmy to go out: Having to hear Tina sing. They cut Finesse making out with Rachel and Amy turning down the same offer from Will. Even though I liked the Will Ferrell tribute more this was very sad in its own way (I mean Tina sang) but I was loving it. From Amy talking about the Thursday night orgies to Horatio and Fred singing to Darrell just standing there in the background looking bored out of his mind- there were so many funny moments. Tina and Jimmy singing together at the end was sooo sad and I wanted them to finally kiss and just blow off that Tony and Angela like sexual tension they had for four seasons. Had they kissed- I would've given this ***** and not thought twice about it. This was still a great way to end the season and Jimmy's SNL career. In dress the crowd was INSANE for this and everyone was going crazy. At 12:50 I was actually thinking that they got cut and getting ready to prepare lots of expletives for my review but thankfully they told J-Kwon to go get tipsy and gave Jimmy the farewell he deserved. ****

 

The Bottom Line- Avg. skit was **.76 making this a thumbs up show. The dress was terrible but they thankfully cut all the bad skits and also trimmed down a lot of the skits which really helped the show. Ashley and Mary Kate really did not add much to the show but they didn’t bring it down either. There was a lot of good stuff in this show as the writing was really good. And I can't get over how awesome the farewell skit to Jimmy was- it was such a good way to end the season.

 

Have a good summer and Go Braves.

 

Thumbs Up

[Lord of The Curry 0]

I thought it was fairly obvious that due to the inclusion of the Olsen Twins as hosts and the crowd they would bring (14 and under) that the content had to be toned down. As a result, the show sucked ass. Having J-Kwon close out the season doesn't help. Whoever booked him should be given forty lashes with a wet noodle.

[bob_barron 0]

I thought it was fairly obvious that due to the inclusion of the Olsen Twins as hosts and the crowd they would bring (14 and under) that the content had to be toned down. As a result, the show sucked ass. Having J-Kwon close out the season doesn't help. Whoever booked him should be given forty lashes with a wet noodle.

Anyone who didn't like the live show should've been to the dress. Now that was bad.

 

As bad as J-Kwon was- at least he gave me lots of good quips to make and they cut his second song.

[haVoc 0]

Where else do you post these, Bob? You put a lot of work into this.

[bob_barron 0]

I post this at the Voy SNL forum (www.voy.com/16069) and saturday-night-live.com.

[Guest Astro]

Your just happy cause cause thier movie was in New york and was a bomb

 

 

That line made me LOL, but I can't remember which skit it was in

[bob_barron 0]

That was from the Z105 skit. That was also one of my favourite lines of the show

[MDH257 0]

Anyone who read my thread in the General Chat folder hopefully understands that SNL was a welcome distraction this weekend.

 

Good show to end the season on.

 

Farewell Jimmy was increadible, I thought for Jimmy and Tina were going to kiss and I was dissapointed that they didn't.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Perfume was the 2nd best of the night.

 

Update was good as usual, Backpack Shack was so stupid it became entertaining, I liked Hardball as well.

 

Z-105 has grown on me. On Monday, a morning radio show was talking about this skit and Jimmy leaving. They kept playing a tape of Jimmy saying "AND WERE BAAACK" and talked about there being a word in the industry for D.J.'s like that (though I can't remember the word). I was shocked that Jimmy brought up Dave Coulier and did't say "Cut-it-out".

 

Paparazzi had its moments, I think the skits are meant to give the guest star a chance to vent about the annoying questions they get asked (i.e. Aniston asking "When are you having a baby?" and the twins asking "Which one is which?") rather than have the guest mock themselves.

 

The Swan was good but I thought having Amy's character in the skit took away from really giving it to the show.

 

Until Bob mentioned it I hadn't thought of Nick Burns in ages. They hadn't done that in forever. BTW, I was just think how weird it was that a year ago Jimmy joked on update about all of the SNL reruns on cable and now because of the NBC/E! lawsuit there's no reruns at all.

 

I was really dissapointed that there was no final Boston Teens skit. The characters originated at Second City Chicago with Rachel's character and Tina playing her mother. I was suprised that Tina never repraised the role on SNL once she joined the cast.

I always thought the perfect last Boston teens skit should have had Rachel and Jimmy getting married because Rachel was pregnant. Though to believe that Jarrod's room and Bloater Bros. got a last skit but this didn't.

 

I think it was a good season overall with Megan Mallaley, Timeberlake, Nick & Jessica, Colin Firth, and Affleck being the standouts.

 

I was happy to see them say that next week would be Best of Christopher Walken (I expect a montage of The Continental's funniest moments). The only other guest that has gotten the Best of treatment is Steve Martin. I would love for them to do Best of's for Alec Baldwin, John Goodman, and Tom Hanks.

I think that diner skit with Jan Hooks as the waitress and Baldwin as the denim cowboy customer is a classic.

[bob_barron 0]

Sorry about your grandmother MDH- SNL's always been there as a distraction for me too.

 

Farewell Jimmy was increadible, I thought for Jimmy and Tina were going to kiss and I was dissapointed that they didn't.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Perfume was the 2nd best of the night.

 

Update was good as usual, Backpack Shack was so stupid it became entertaining, I liked Hardball as well.

 

Z-105 has grown on me. On Monday, a morning radio show was talking about this skit and Jimmy leaving. They kept playing a tape of Jimmy saying "AND WERE BAAACK" and talked about there being a word in the industry for D.J.'s like that (though I can't remember the word). I was shocked that Jimmy brought up Dave Coulier and did't say "Cut-it-out".

 

I think had Jimmy and Tina kissed I would've fallen out of my seat. Their hug in the goodnights was really sad. I'm gonna miss that guy so much.

 

I think the word for DJs like that is 'bad'. I was really upset that they cut some of Jimmy's Dave Coulier bit. It was really funny and sadly the only mention of Full House. Jimmy's face after his last AAAAAAND WE'RE BAAAAAAACK was gold.

 

Paparazzi had its moments, I think the skits are meant to give the guest star a chance to vent about the annoying questions they get asked (i.e. Aniston asking "When are you having a baby?" and the twins asking "Which one is which?") rather than have the guest mock themselves.

 

Dress was so boring I got into an argument with a woman over whether they were fraternal or identical. It's not hard to tell them apart at all anymore since MK has the dark hair.

 

Until Bob mentioned it I hadn't thought of Nick Burns in ages. They hadn't done that in forever. BTW, I was just think how weird it was that a year ago Jimmy joked on update about all of the SNL reruns on cable and now because of the NBC/E! lawsuit there's no reruns at all.

 

I was really dissapointed that there was no final Boston Teens skit. The characters originated at Second City Chicago with Rachel's character and Tina playing her mother. I was suprised that Tina never repraised the role on SNL once she joined the cast.

I always thought the perfect last Boston teens skit should have had Rachel and Jimmy getting married because Rachel was pregnant. Though to believe that Jarrod's room and Bloater Bros. got a last skit but this didn't.

 

I asked Jimmy about the Boston Teens and when he said 'No' we were all like: Come on dude. Tina once played a teacher in the Paltrow Boston Teens- it was the first time Tina and Jimmy appeared on screen with each other outside of Weekend Update.

 

The last time they did Nick Burns was the Billy Bob Thorton episode- where Billy played his dad. If they had swapped Z105/Bloaters for Nick Burns/Boston Teens then this episode could've been a classic.

 

I was happy to see them say that next week would be Best of Christopher Walken (I expect a montage of The Continental's funniest moments). The only other guest that has gotten the Best of treatment is Steve Martin. I would love for them to do Best of's for Alec Baldwin, John Goodman, and Tom Hanks.

 

You know- instead of doing a Best of Walken why not just rerun Walken/Aguilera- probably one of the most popular episodes in SNL history.

 

I expect to get:

 

Hardball

One of his singing monologues

Pranksters

Cowbell

Jenny Jones

Trivial Pshycic (sp?)

Lovers

Continental

Census Taker

[MDH257 0]

Thanks for the condolences Bob.

 

Something I forgot to mention: What was the deal with Darrell Hammond in the Farewell Jimmy skit? He just stood there like he was upset about being there. I'll be suprised if Darrell is back in the fall. If they knew for certain he was leaving I think some sort of mention of it was warrented (not a skit or anything, but just mention it and give him a close up in the goodnights).

[bob_barron 0]

Thanks for the condolences Bob.

 

Something I forgot to mention: What was the deal with Darrell Hammond in the Farewell Jimmy skit? He just stood there like he was upset about being there. I'll be suprised if Darrell is back in the fall. If they knew for certain he was leaving I think some sort of mention of it was warrented (not a skit or anything, but just mention it and give him a close up in the goodnights).

I think the point was that Darrell is so much older then everyone else- so he wasn't really one of the guys. That's why he just stood in the back and stared into space.

 

I thought it was hilarious just seeing him dozing off back there. It must've felt weird for him to be in a skit so late in the show.

 

They would obviously do something for Darrell so either a) He's coming back or b) He hasn't decided. I never got a chance to ask him.

 

I think Lorne feels they need an impressionist and Darrell's career prospects after SNL are 0- so that's why he's sticking around

[Guest Crazy Dan]

Well I thought this was a very solid season of SNL. I used to watch this show back in the late 80's early 90's (for which I will still say had the best collection of Talent which included: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Rock, Jane Hook, Chris Farley, Norm McDonald, Kevin Nealon(one of my favorite Weekend Update anchors) and so forth. I would watch this show religiously. And then the mid ninties took over, and SNL just lost it, IMO. The skits just were no longer funny. It was like the best part was just to see the Rober Smigel Cartoon, I still think the Ambigously Gay Duo is one of my all time favorite Smigel Cartoon. Norm McDonald was good at Weekend Update, but his type of humor was not for everyone. Then Colin Quinn was brought in, and he just didn't do it for me, and many WU became sometimes very painfull to watch.

 

And so I stopped watching. And I am sure I did miss some great momements done entirely by Will Ferrall (who I did not like at first, but as a watch reruns, was one of the best cast members ever, and he did the best George Bush impression ontop of that as well) and Darrell Hammonds, who at first I did not like his Clinton, I was a sucker for Hartman's, but now I see that it was a brilliant impression. And he is one of the most talented impressionists in the shows history. But many of the new blood brought in really did bug me, like Molly Shannon (Catherine Mary Gallagher is just plain distgusting) and Cheri Oteri amoung others. And I also never liked Tim Meadows as well. And don't get me started on Chris Kattan, whose only real funny sketch was the one he did with Ferall (the coked-out Roxberry boys).

 

So for many years I avoided this show like the plague. But then Tina Fey took over as head writer, and starting doing Weekend Updates with Jimmy Fallon, the show began to improve. And then after watching a few WU, I began to watch again. And I feel the show has vastly improved from those mid 90's shows, which were plain awful. But as I watched some of the reruns, I found that there were some great sketches during this time period, one of themincluding Celebrity Jeopordy amoung others. But it was WU that got me back into the show, and now my fiance and myself make it a point to watch every weekend, new or rerun. I think Tina Fey has to be one of my all time favorite WU hosts, and I really do think Fallon and her made a great team.

 

So about this season. I agree with Snoop being the best host. Many consistant sketches that kept me laughing. And I found that many of the shows I liked were hosted by musicians, who did a remarkable job, even though I had my doubts. I did like Justin Timberlake, Christina Aquilara, and Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson as host suprisingly enough. And I also liked Megan Mullary, Colin Firth, and Ben Affleck. So there were some very solid hosts this year. (Since the Alec Baldwin one I did not get to catch the first time around, on the repeat, Lieberman's paid infomercial cut his show by 1/2 hour, so I can't give it a proper thought)

 

One of my favorite sketches was the Harry Potter one (damn Lohan has big boobs, are we sure she is only 17?). And of course Will Calhoun was great as well. And of course, The Weekend Updates were are pretty solid, except the one where I am sure both Tina and Jimmy were drunk, or unmotivated, and of course any with Horatio Sans on them (why can't he be the one gauranteed to leave). And the Hardball's with Anne Coulter and the last one with Kerry were also some of my favorites of the year. Just too many count.

 

I thought that the best musical guests were Outkast, Avril Lavigne(who is a much better singer when she isn't screaming, and impressed me with her chops), and Marroon 5. The only acts I couldn't stand were G-Unit (50, you really should just stick to the studio and let the magic do it thing) and Kelis - who I see going into the One-Hit Wonder Where are they Now? VH1 Segment. And I could care less if your milk shake is better than yours, you still suck. And I did also like the Black Eye Peas, so there were some good musical guests.

 

My guilty pleasure sketch of this year was Brian Fellows with Ryan Fellows, only becuase you got to see them see Frosty the Snowman in their hallutianations.

 

So a great season overall. My choice for break out star is Will Forte (Bay Area representing), who finally gives the cast a George Bush impression that will work well with Seth's Kerry, and who could forget his Tim Calhoun as well, which was one of my favorite new characters this season. Even though, if they do happen to have Will Ferrall host next season, I would like to see him do George one more time, because with Seth's Kerry, that has potential comic gold written all over it. I also hope Fred Arminson gets to become full time along with Finesse. As for the females, I thought Amy and Rachel were very solid, Maya is well, not that funny and I seriously think that EW's writers smoked way too much crack including her on their 25 most funny people, when Tina Fey is the funniest one by far. And there were many other high points. SNL can consider this season a success, despite some obvious misses.

 

And I will be sad to see Fallon to go. Sure it was almost always a show killer when him and Horatio got put onto the same set together, but I thought he was great on WU, and he had some great impressions (which I feel might have not been as utilized as much as they could). And I do think that it is time for Darrell Hammonds to move on, even though I love Hardball, I think that his age is beginning to show. And I really hope Horatio gets the pink slip as well, as he falls into the Tim Meadows category: Cast member that has never really made me laugh. And maybe Maya Rudolph will get a voodoo curse placed on her, and she will disappear, so that the other more talented female cast members get more air time.

 

And finally, my big question to you Bob Barron. Being that you have a very vast knowledge of SNL, what do you think will become of Weekend Update? Will Tina Fey simply do it by herself? Or if not, who would should be brought in for Fallon's part. I am thinking either maybe Seth Meyers, Chris Parnell, Will Forte, or is there someone else you have in mind? I know there might be a chance Tina might not want to do WU anymore without Fallon (which I really hope doesn't happen) do to their chemestry that they had. But for my sanity sake, who do you think would be perfect for WU, either as Tina's new coanchor or if Tina stops doing it (please, please, please keep doing it), who should be the new WU anchor if this is the case? That has been the question that has been going through my mind, and I need your insight, since you seem to know a whole bunch about the show.

[bob_barron 0]

Wow CrazyDan- you trying to match my post for length?

 

Then Colin Quinn was brought in, and he just didn't do it for me, and many WU became sometimes very painfull to watch.

 

Colin Quinn never got a chance. The guy had to replace Norm Macdonald, the man who no one wanted to see get fired, and everyone was against him from the start- and wanted him to fail.

 

Colin's first season was terrible but I felt he got better. His delivery and just general Colin-ness turned a lot of people off I think.

 

And I also never liked Tim Meadows as well

 

I think my love for Tim Meadows is well known but for those who don't know:

 

I LOVE TIM. I think he's one of the most underrated castmembers in the shows history and I'd put him in my top 5 no questions asked. Go see Mean Girls- he's hilarious in it.

 

But it was WU that got me back into the show, and now my fiance and myself make it a point to watch every weekend, new or rerun. I think Tina Fey has to be one of my all time favorite WU hosts, and I really do think Fallon and her made a great team.

 

Weekend Update is something I take very seriously. It's always been my favourite part of the show and I like nothing more then a good Update.

 

Tina and Jimmy were great together and coupled with the 2000 Election definetley helped cause SNL to have a surge in popularity for a few years. Tina and Jimmy taking over was the best thing to happen in a long time and I'm still really sad about everything.

 

So about this season. I agree with Snoop being the best host. Many consistant sketches that kept me laughing. And I found that many of the shows I liked were hosted by musicians, who did a remarkable job, even though I had my doubts. I did like Justin Timberlake, Christina Aquilara, and Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson as host suprisingly enough. And I also liked Megan Mullary, Colin Firth, and Ben Affleck. So there were some very solid hosts this year. (Since the Alec Baldwin one I did not get to catch the first time around, on the repeat, Lieberman's paid infomercial cut his show by 1/2 hour, so I can't give it a proper thought)

 

Christina Aguilera shocked the hell out of me. I don't like her AT ALL and I thought the show would be a total suckfest. I had very high expectations for Snoop and I thought Justin would be good so none of those surprised me. I agree with everything else you said.

 

The best hosts are the ones who seem like they want to have a lot of fun. And I think that's why the musical guests worked.

 

SNL can consider this season a success, despite some obvious misses.

 

I agree with the other stuff you said- I think the first half was really bad- but after the Aniston show they really hit a groove and put together a bunch of really good shows. And the Trump show wasn't their fault.

 

And I will be sad to see Fallon to go. Sure it was almost always a show killer when him and Horatio got put onto the same set together, but I thought he was great on WU, and he had some great impressions (which I feel might have not been as utilized as much as they could). And I do think that it is time for Darrell Hammonds to move on, even though I love Hardball, I think that his age is beginning to show. And I really hope Horatio gets the pink slip as well, as he falls into the Tim Meadows category: Cast member that has never really made me laugh. And maybe Maya Rudolph will get a voodoo curse placed on her, and she will disappear, so that the other more talented female cast members get more air time.

 

While Jimmy and Horatio's inability to not laugh did piss me off- I was more mad at Lorne for putting them in skits when he knew what would happen. I also wish they had let Jimmy do more impressions- his Jerry Seinfeld is scary dead on.

 

And it's been time for Darrell to go since Gore lost the election. None of his new impressions are that great and he's making a living on nostalgia. New York Minute didn't make any money so I guess it's another season for Darrell.

 

 

And finally, my big question to you Bob Barron. Being that you have a very vast knowledge of SNL, what do you think will become of Weekend Update? Will Tina Fey simply do it by herself? Or if not, who would should be brought in for Fallon's part. I am thinking either maybe Seth Meyers, Chris Parnell, Will Forte, or is there someone else you have in mind? I know there might be a chance Tina might not want to do WU anymore without Fallon (which I really hope doesn't happen) do to their chemestry that they had. But for my sanity sake, who do you think would be perfect for WU, either as Tina's new coanchor or if Tina stops doing it (please, please, please keep doing it), who should be the new WU anchor if this is the case? That has been the question that has been going through my mind, and I need your insight, since you seem to know a whole bunch about the show.

 

Tina has one more year left on her contract so I'm 99% sure she'll do WU next season.

 

It'd be pretty stupid for SNL have their biggest star not be in the centrepiece of the show when she is still contractually obligated.

 

The problems with a co-anchor are that the inevitable Jimmy comparisons would occur. That's why I think it should be Seth. While he's not as goofy or "fun" as Jimmy- he's still hilarious and could do the jokes and the bits equally well. A guy like Parnell is too bland and Forte and Armisen are too out there. I don't think they'd bring in someone new.

 

Tina could easily do it solo- it'd just be weird to not have any fun and just straight up jokes. But as long as the writing is strong- I'm happy.