RudoCurry Industries Present: A Flair for the Cade

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

A Flair for the Cade

 

RudoCurry Industries Present: Garrison Cade - A WWE On-line Article.

 

Preface:

 

Rudo: In the grand tradition of “Jackies Jargon” and “Raw Preview”, the WWE.com website gives us an exclusive look into the heart and soul of Garrison Cade. He is more than just a guy with blonde hair in tights who does an elbow drop - he’s also a real human being, just like you and I, and a long-time fan of this thing we love; this thing called “Wrestling”.

 

I didn‘t really know what to expect when I first read the title - I knew so very little about Cade, only that he was a graduate of Shawn Michaels‘ Wrestling Academy and is honoured to be in the WWE. But after reading this article, I saw that there was something deeper to this man - something more. It was a privilege to get to know him through the words, sentences, and paragraphs of this well-written piece by Michael Ewokis.. Dorkis.. Dukasis.... Bukkake Miss Jackie...

 

Curry: I wasn’t sure how to react at first. I mean, sure, he’s got bedroom eyes. He looks like he’d be good at cuddling. He’s got a pretty sweet elbowdrop and some nice punches. But those do not a good wrestler make. How wrong I was........

 

Garrison Cade:

by Michael Dworkis

 

Garrison Cade calls himself a lucky guy. In one year he has gone from participating in non-televised preliminary matches to wrestling in a title match at WrestleMania XX, and being in the ring with The Rock, Triple H and Ric Flair.

 

Rudo: A truly captivating opening paragraph that expresses the achievements one can make in such a short time in the WWE. A title match at WM XX and being in the ring with The Rock, HHH, and Ric Flair?!?! It almost makes it seem like he was in a fatal four-way match with The Rock, HHH, and Ric Flair for the WWE title at WM XX! ANYTHING can happen in the WWE! Garrison Cade is a very lucky guy to have gone from participating in non-televised preliminary matches (or “dark matches” for you simple, uneducated, folk. Why, Ric Flair would slap you for that, punk!) to main eventing WM XX against the greatest(s) of all time.

 

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WWE!

 

Curry: This is where I got hooked. THE ROCK! HHH! CRAZY OLD MAN FLAIR! Cade has tussled with them all and he’s done it with the style and grace of a 10 year veteran. Now, I know what you’re saying. “Curry, he isn’t a veteran. He’s just a rookie.” Here’s the thing; I know! Isn’t that crazy? This kid is goin’ places. Oh, and he’s got a nice dropkick. Real nice.

 

Rudo: I didn’t want to say it, but that dropkick puts Bob Hollys to bed... after it fucks his up its ass.

 

Cade calls his recent experiences an honor, and although he feels luck has played a role in his progress, those who know him well understand that his success is a result of hard work and a desire to be the best.

 

Rudo: Sources close to RudoCurry Industries have said that had has worked hard at sucking up and desires to suck many-a-cock in the WWE. Only time shall tell if this holds to be true. Perhaps this article could shed some light...

 

For Cade, the desire to be a successful WWE Superstar started way back in the mid-eighties.

“It all began after watching WrestleMania IV,” he says. “It’s something I’ve wanted to do my whole life, and something I felt needed to do with my life.”

 

Rudo: I liked WM IV. When I was just a lil Rudotyke, I used to go to VENUS VIDEO to rent all sorts of WWE videos. They had EVERYTHING, and I was always impressed by the WM IV box with the fold-out Andre/Hogan picture... or was that WM 3? WM 3 was the better show, but I prefer the Trump Plaza to the Pontiac Silverdome. The staircase ruled it. Why don’t they have staircases anymore? Their entranceways are so fucking boring now. They had potential in the video-stage at WM XX but haven’t used it since. They really peaked at their WM 17 set, which was like a FRACTION of what the K1: ROMANEX set was like in terms of Romanage. And WM 17 didn’t have Genki Sudo pounding Royler Gracies face into oblivion. K1 is like the last organization to use the 1-night tournament format, much like the WM IV format, which was really well booked IMO. It completely cut the knees off of Savage, but who the fuck cares? It lead to Savage/Hogan WM V which smoked any match on this card. Every Wrestlemania should finish off with Hogan posing and “Real American” Playing loud. Garrison Cade drops a pretty nice elbow, but he doesn’t even come close to the motherfucking Macho Man. What he really needs to do is drop, like, 5 of them on Eugene and have Eugene Warrior-up and then look at his hands and question his mortality. That’s wrestling. What’s the point of this story? I like stories.

 

Curry: If this Eugene vs Cade match doesn’t happen I will feel unfulfilled as a human being.

 

Rudo: Can you consider 1988 to be “the mid 80’s”?

 

In order to fulfill his dream, and live his passion, he sought training from the man who personifies passion for the business: Shawn Michaels.

“Shawn Michaels was the first person who I wanted to be like. He was the guy who had the whole package. He always had the people behind him whether they liked him or hated him. No one else had the persona or character that he has.”

 

Rudo: There’s lots of things Shawn Michaels personifies for the business - greed, politics, being a complete fucking asshole backstage, burying others, screwing friends, rabid drug use, sucking-off the boss, not dropping the title, lying-like-a-motherfucker, getting beat up by sailors, calling Sid a suitcase... but forgetting it all after he finds Jesus... and you can bottle that all up and call it “passion”, but please -PLEASE- give it to Garrison Cade because that boy needs something interesting in his life. I dunno if Shawn taught all that shit back in Texas -or if he taught at all- but hopefully he rubbed off and we’ll have someone to bitch about for the future.

 

Curry: I think Cade being a bitch in the footsteps of his mentor could be big money. The WWE should’ve taken the chance and had him turn on Mark Jindrak by throwing him through one of the pieces of The Highlight Reel set. Blam! Instant heel! Then he grows out his blond locks to mullet lengths and starts bumping like crazy. He’s sure to earn himself a “*****” match or two rating from the IWC. Then we bring in one of the developmental “wrestlers” as his bodyguard. Fuck it. There ya go. M-O-N-E-Y.

 

Rudo: Hell, they could have had Nidia dress up like Sherri and sing his theme song (“He’s Garrison Cade (Garrison Caaade), he’s American Made (American Maaaade), yes he’s just Garrison Cade (Garrison Caaaade), and he’s American Made (American Maaaade)”) and then Cade could wear those circular sunglasses with the ‘target’ symbol over the lens’ and say “he‘s too Cadey for this crowd“ - he is HBCade...

 

After graduating high school, he packed his bags and went to train at Michaels’ wrestling academy. This wasn’t an easy task and it would change his life forever.

“I went through a whole planning process of making that decision to go. It was a big move for me. I stopped everything, I left my family, and left my life behind to go to San Antonio and train.”

Although the training was hard and tested his physical and mental toughness, Cade looks back at the experience as on of the best of his life.

“Just learning from Shawn on a daily basis, was something. He let us wrestle for his promotion and others, and I even went with him to Japan. I worked for some people who’ve been in the business twice as long as Shawn, but they haven’t done a fraction of things that he did in one year. He accomplished more in one month than some people did their whole lives. There’s no way that no matter where I went, anywhere in the world that I would have gotten the hands on, one-on-one training, overall knowledge that he gave me.”

 

Rudo: So he DID teach him how to screw over others! I guess they edited that part out. Along with the “And every day Shawn told us to nail him to this cross and leave him there for a few hours”.. and the part where Shawn saved orphan children and healed the sick. I hate Shawn Michaels, btw.

 

Curry: Hands-on knowledge? That’s too easy.

 

One of his biggest highlights so far was his first WrestleMania appearance at WrestleMania XX, when he challenged for the World Tag Team Championship with Mark Jindrak.

“That right there is something huge. It was a big honor to be at WrestleMania period. But this was not just any WrestleMania. It was WrestleMania XX. That made it that much more special.”

 

Rudo: Jesus fucking Christ, how could anyone be happy with participating in a fucking 4 way tag match?? YOU HAVE 7 OTHER GUYS IN THE RING WITH YOU! That’s not exactly “special”. Plus it’s for a worthless title and the match had no interest whatsoever. But hey, I heard Cade got a free sample of TIDE in the mail today -it was, he said, a huge honour.

 

During his tenure on RAW, Cade has racked up an impressive number of wins against some big names. He has wins over La Resistance, the Dudley Boyz, the team of Randy Orton and Ric Flair, Lance Storm, and Tajiri.

 

Rudo: You know what would be more impressive? Had anyone cared about any of those matches.

 

Curry: LANCE STORM? SYLVAN GRENIER? D’VON DUDLEY? Well gee fuckin gosh, they might as well have said that he beat Ric Flair! Oh......wait. He did. Then again, who hasn’t beat Flair? I think it would be pretty hype if one night on RAW Flair got totally sloshed and claim that he would wrestle himself in the ring. It would be great. Chops. Bumps. More chops. Whooooos. Pratfalls. Chops. Chops and bumps. FIVE STARS~!

 

“It’s an honor, truly an honor to be in the ring with those guys, and not many people can say that they were able to train with the guys they idolized growing up. I’m the luckiest guy in the world, for being able to do what I can, and do what I have already done.”

 

Rudo: Could somebody get me a block of cheese to go with this gigantic cracker? God this guy is fucking bland; vanilla would be a huge step UP. “I mean, gee golly, this is just super. I’d like to thank Mistur MacMahon for the neat opportunity to be a big-time wrestling star”. C’mon, just get caught boozed-out with some transvestite hookers and a dead midget in your trunk... that’s all I ask.

 

A recent highlight was being able to step into the ring with The Rock. Although it was not in a match, the experience gave Cade something to look forward to.

 

“Being in the same ring with the Rock was just unreal. Standing in the back waiting to come out, I couldn’t even describe the feeling I had. I’d love to go one on one with Rock, he’s so talented that we would have a great match.”

 

Curry: You tell ‘em, Garisson. You tell ‘em.

 

Rudo: Change “Ring” into “Bed” and he’s telling ’em something completely different.

 

Cade has had more opportunities than many at this stage in his career, but he doesn’t consider himself well seasoned just yet. He admits he still has a long way to go.

“Right now in my career, I’m so much in the learning mode. The thought of teaching anyone, is so out of my mind right now, whenever someone asks me for advice, the advice I give them is ‘go ask Triple H, Shawn, Flair or Benoit. That’s what I would tell them, because that’s what I would do. If I am ever in the position to give back the same way he (HBK) has, I’d do it in a heartbeat. A lot of people don’t realize that I first signed with WWE when I was 18, and I'm 23 now. I’ve been through a lot of training, met a lot of great people along the way, learned from a lot of different guys, and learned a lot of different styles. The overall experience of being part of the WWE family for this long is that there is no better feeling than being here, because this is the best company ever.”

 

Curry: Who the fuck is Benoit? What the fuck is “best company ever”?

 

Rudo: What the fuck would they ask Flair? And more importantly, what the fuck could he tell them?

 

Young Wrestler: Hey Ric, howdya think I should get out of a boston crab?

 

Flair: Boston Crab eh? Well, ever try choppin your way out?

 

YW: Uh... No...

 

Flair: How about walking around dazed and then falling on your face? Or going to the top rope? Or maybe drop to your knees and beg the guy off only to hit a low blow? Did I mention Chop? Hmm... what was the move again? Boston what?...

 

*uncomfortable silence*

 

Flair: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

 

Garrison Cade has moved faster than the average WWE Superstar. Chances are, with his continued hard work he’s not only going to be in many WrestleMania’s but may very well be headlining them. “It is just a matter of time before I find my niche. When I do, that’s it. Two or three years from now, I’m going to be one of the top guys on RAW. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. I want it too bad.”

 

Rudo: WOW, “moved faster than the average WWE Superstar”! That sure is.... unfuckingremarkable. I think the “generic wrestler with 0 personality and basic ring skills” niche is a really good to be in. But seriously, he wears cowboy boots, so he clearly is making himself stand out from all the other non-cowboy-boot-wearing wrestlers.

 

Curry: I trust Garrison. I really do. I don’t normally trust wrestlers based on interviews but there was something different here. A genuine sincerity, if you will. He wants it. I believe him. Don’t let me down, kid.

 

THERE, YA HAVE IT.

 

---------------------------

 

FINALLY, the much-requested, and sometimes refuted, RudoCurry Industries Newsletter (entitled N.E.W.S. Letter) is making its way to TheSmartMarks.com Message Board. Yes, that’s right, now you’ll be able to receive RudoCurry Industries EXCLUSIVE weekly/bi-weekly/monthly/whenever-the-fuck-we-want-to-write-it thought-provoking and thought-invoking newsletter through a PM or e-mail. Inside you’ll find:

 

-Wrestling News and Views

-Poignant Political Commentary

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-Curry’s Culinary Corner

-Movie Reviews

-Points of Few: Rudo and Curry comment on various TSM members and threads

-Lifestyle and Fashion Report

-Entertainment

-Trick Shot and The Cherry Picker talk about the womens

-And Much, much more (or less)

 

Subscribe today and you will receive an 8x10 autographed photo of Rudo and Curry absolutely FREE*!

 

*It may not be an actual photo of Rudo and Curry**

**It may not be autographed by Rudo and Curry***

***It may not be autographed at all****

****You may not get one

 

RudoCurry Industries: Damn, that's hateful!

 

COPYRIGHT © 2004 By RCI Productions

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED MADE IN CANADA

Source Document: WWE.com

[DerangedHermit 0]

Bravo! Bravo!

 

*claps and whistles*

[Lil' Bitch 0]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Cry.

 

We feed off the tears of wrestling fans.

 

And soon, movie fans. As RCI will be penetrating the Movies - DVDs - Television folder with a load-blowing review of the highly controversial and internationally beloved Fahrenheit 9/11! Read all about Rudo and Curry's hilarious hijinx in their latest presentation. Were they able to get to the first theatre in time before the 8:30 showing sold out? Did they make it to the second theatre in time before it was sold out? Did they make the 10 o'clock showing at the second theatre after the 9:30 one was sold out? Did they enjoy that 10 o'clock showing which they did infact see? Find out, SOON!

[Dark Age 0]

That's great. Keep up the good work guys.

 

Now that you've gotten praise from ME, you know you're something special.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Feel free to throw your name down to our subscriber list. Eventually we'll be "hiring" so all you future RCI bitche.....I mean, employees, get ready!

[Dark Age 0]

Indeed. This RudoCurry Industry is an exciting prospect. Very exciting. If it be a stooge, or a helper, or anything I can do to just be involved, I'm the man.

 

The newsletter intrigues me. Where can I obtain this?

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Once we got a solidified mailing list up we'll probably be doing it via PM.

[CanadianChick 0]

Your bias sickens me. Alright, we get that you think HBK and Flair are the greatest wrestlers ever, but no need to rub it in all the time! We can take the hint! Geez.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

*no sells CC's post*

 

*...much like Flair no sells pretty much everything in a match.. just going from spot to spot with very little connections between them... or like HBK no sells back damage with a kip up*

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Rudo, you truly are The Greatest Poster of All Time.

 

WHOOOOOOOOOOO~!

 

So, CC, are you gonna subscribe or what? Canadians get a free membership so you'd best do it up.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

I like you two... keep up the good work.

[Dark Age 0]

I liked them before you!

 

Well? You didn't answer my question. Is it possible for me to get some sort of stooging job for your great company? Heck, I'll be your personal bitch (what?). I need to be noticed!

[CanadianChick 0]

Yeah sure, sign me up. What can I say? I'm a sucker for funny, bitter smarks.

[razazteca 0]

RCI should do indepth retrospectives of the cast of Mad TV. I'm sure it will be received well after all BobBarron gets "fan mail" for his SNL reviews.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

I liked them before you!

 

Well? You didn't answer my question. Is it possible for me to get some sort of stooging job for your great company? Heck, I'll be your personal bitch (what?). I need to be noticed!

I assume you have to assume the position to get a position.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

RCI should do indepth retrospectives of the cast of Mad TV. I'm sure it will be received well after all BobBarron gets "fan mail" for his SNL reviews.

I don't watch Mad TV and neither does Rudo so I think you're outta luck in that dept.

 

But we're always open to suggestions. Well, not always. Sometimes.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

I think Will Sasso was completely overrated and Michael MacDonald deserves to choke on his own shit. Which happened to be one of the many discussions Curry and I had which will be featured in our review of Fahrenheit 9/11!

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Aren't you glad that you now know what the definition of coprophagia is?

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Am I glad?

 

Find out in the next issue of RCI Presents! Coming to the MDT folder~!

[Dark Age 0]

I can't wait.

 

<---- Wants an answer to his request.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Yes you can be a lackey. But not yet.

[Dark Age 0]

Not yet you say? Then when? WHEN?!?

 

What will this job involve?

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Various Levels of Employment at RCI*:

 

Lackey: Go around and talk about how fucking great we are. You'd basically be a Hardcore Discussion poster, but exclusive to RCI. If you suck up enough, then we'd throw a bone and involve you in the publishing process.

 

Personal Assistant: Proof-reading for any spelling/HTML mistakes, and helping distribute the Newsletter. If you're good enough, you get to move up and contribute as a Writer.

 

Writer/Columnist: This is self-explanitory. However, we have higher standards than the TSM website -who, after-all- hired that John MacKinnon shmuck as their MMA writer.

 

Partner: Right now it's just me and Curry. However, a select person could become added to the RudoCurry name. This means full inclusion into the Newsletter which involves writing, conceptual design, and controlling various subsidies of RCI.

 

*May not actually be positions.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

What was that position we discussed for CanadianChick?

 

J.R: BAH GAWD!@~

[Slayer 0]

Where's Dames when we need him?

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

She said something about being a sucker for bitter smarks...

 

J.R.: Oh come on, that ain't right!

[Guest FrigidSoul]

I normally don't post in this folder anymore, however(!) this will be one of those rare instances I do.

 

I haven't read this yet and probably won't be able to until later this weekend. I will however say that I'll be keeping an eye on this, because if Dames moves it then it will lead to a battle of EPIC PROPORTIONS~! Truly the only way to settle it would be within the confines of the Thunder Dome.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Where's Dames when we need him?

It is an article from WWE.com about Garrison Cade - these types of things are posted here all the time. It's perfectly legitimate and should be in this folder.

 

Your post, on the other hand, is completely off-topic. If you don't have a comment on the article, then you shouldn't be posting in this thread.

[Slayer 0]

Your post, on the other hand, is completely off-topic.

Nik, is that you?

 

If you don't have a comment on the article, then you shouldn't be posting in this thread.

It sucked

 

There, now my presence is justified