The Official What I think You Look Like

[Art Sandusky 0]

Kotzenjunge is a young Woody Allen on meth. Always going on about something, and moving his hands crazily, he is "go go go" even if he's lazier than hell about certain things, which his family calls him out on quite a bit. Physically speaking, he is totally normal, with a hairy belly which will just get rounder and hairier with age, though he'll do his best to hide it.

 

He'll meet a firecracker of a girl who will want to fight constantly, and get very frustrated when Spoon goes off topic. He'd make a great addict if he could pursue any one thing for a length of time.

 

As age strikes him, he'll slow down a bit and become more jaded. He'll have a kid with the firecracker girl, a daughter who won't like him, or her mother, or her middle name. Patrick will split from his wife over irreconcilable differences, but it won't kill his spirit. He'll do the job thing for a while, and some weeks before his 40th birthday, the midlife crisis will hit him like a ton of bricks when he falls madly in love with a Mediterranean 22 year old student of his. They'll wander off to Europe after a creepy courtship that both families will disapprove of, and they'll dance on the beach with their redheaded son who will turn out to be a marvelous tenor.

Although you had a real image of me already and that would influence you somewhat, this is consistent with what you said before seeing what I looked like. It's also shockingly accurate down to every single detail. That gut I'm developing is so toast as soon as I get a job and can afford to go to the gym right outside of my neighborhood.

 

And considering my love for cars and such, the midlife crisis will KILL me, as will being a professor for nubile young women, if I actually go through with teaching.

 

Fuck that was beautiful... the avatar stays.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Loss goes for the BEAR look? No way...

 

Ok, I've been wrong here once.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Sass is about to say how accurate his is, and I'm doing Anglesault's next. stay tuned.

[Guest Loss]

Loss goes for the BEAR look? No way...

 

Ok, I've been wrong here once.

I'm impressed that you know the term bear.

 

And yeah, that's TOTALLY what I go for.

 

I know you said no pics, but this isn't of me, this is of the guy I'm seeing right now, if this gives you an idea:

 

Here he is

[Guest The Last Free Voice]

Put me on the list too. Should be good for a laugh.

[Guest HungryJack]

AS should be good for a larf.

[Guest Anglesault]

AS should be good for a larf.

One of the other ones in here is pretty much what I look and act like (in real life) I don't want to say who it is and influence the assessment.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

It's Illustrious One's. On the nose. Anglesault is the perpetual regular dude. He probably wears glasses, or at least might need them, but gets by squinting once in a while. He's annoying, and totally regular and middle of the road in every single way. He doesn't have one singular outstanding characteristic or personality trait, which explains his fascination with things that always wins. He's a 9-5er, and might be taking a night class in Business Management or Accounting. The one thing about Anglesault that sticks out is his outstanding mediocrity in everything. He's like Mike, my old college roommate.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Loss goes for the BEAR look? No way...

 

Ok, I've been wrong here once.

I'm impressed that you know the term bear.

 

And yeah, that's TOTALLY what I go for.

 

I know you said no pics, but this isn't of me, this is of the guy I'm seeing right now, if this gives you an idea:

 

Here he is

For being a rural headbanger, I know an awful lot of gays and lesbians. Lesbians love me, for example. I don't know why. I also have been hit on by more men than a lot of guys would be comfortable with, due I think to being a big guy with long shaggy hair and a goatee. I'm completely heterosexual, but have no misconceptions or prejudice towards other practices. People can go ahead and fuck anything that's not a kid.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

Marvinisalunatic has no hair, and that's impossible to get past. So that much is definite.

Correct.

His eyes bug out just a little bit, and are brown.

Wrong. Green eyes, and I dont think they bug out.

Sharp downturned nose, and a rounded chin.

Correct.

He's a little overweight from being around food constantly, and is extremely well-scrubbed.

Correct.

This man's bathroom and kitchen are immaculate aside from a dirty towel on the floor.

Wrong, surprisingly, although neither are ultra-disgusting. I just don't clean that often. When I do clean, its immaculate, but especially with the kitchen, it never stays that way for long.

His bedroom however, is a laundry wreck. Only in this inner sanctum can he be shaggy and laid back, and he often watches movies in there because it's more comfy than his living room.

Correct to a point. I do have laundry all over the place in my bedroom, and I do watch movies in my bedroom, but my living room is more comfortable, just because the chair I have is a lot better than my bed.

Loves ice cream.

Wrong. I can eat Ice cream occasionally but I don't love it.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Lightning round:

 

ian is a fey goth bitch with an eyebrow piercing. at the very least, a fey goth bitch on the inside, and a pudgy guy on the outside with half-long brown hair and a poor complexion.

 

van mundegaarde is a very small human being with abnormally large feet. He wears glasses and is pretty average looking, aside from a smaller frame.

 

Kevin Nash (Workrate) is some punk kid with too much cheap cologne.

 

Nice Guy Adam is a big light-haired australian kid with a little head. also totally unremarkable, hence his placement in the lightning round.

 

All of your appearances would be easy to alter.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

Do me.

[Steviekick 0]

I'd like an assessment as well.

[Zack Malibu 0]

I'm down for this as well.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Oh fuck...

 

I passed 10,000 posts. Oh man..

 

Fuck..

 

Oh man.

 

KOTZENJUNGE..

 

What do I do????

 

[TheBigSwigg 0]

Start listening to Kylie Minogue.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Zack Malibu is the alpha and omega of preppiness. His store of colognes, shoes, shirts, and pants is staggering. Verily, there's a small fortune invested in his appearance. He's a constant worker, which means he's got very little free time, and plenty of money to blow on dates, DVDs, and duds.

 

He and some girl are going to mutually pussywhip each other here pretty soon, and they'll be so stuck up each other's asses that it will drive their friends nuts. Zack's too pretty for guys like Loss or girls like Tritec, but he'd make CanadianChick secrete.

 

Should he ever adopt greek life on his college journey, he will immediately become a severe dickwad.

[Guest HungryJack]

My disappointment is severe. I haven't been covered yet.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Tyler looks like a young Paul Krendler from Silence of The Lambs. Not Ray Liotta like in Hannibal..that other guy.

 

He's stressed and misses a lot of fun and takes life too seriously, which sadly will be a lesson he'll learn too late in life, when his wife's really fucking bored and boning the gardener. The fact that he probably considers himself a terrible procrastinator still is just testament to his workload.

 

Take a fuckin' smoke break already.

[Guest Flyboy]

My disappointment is severe. I haven't been covered yet.

Neither have I, Jack. Hold me.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

If you impatient douches don't knock it off, I'm deleting this thread.

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

Well I don't post enough to form an opinion over, but what the hell, give it a go.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Flyboy's a black kid from the suburbs. Definitely not ghetto (though he might've been born under those circumstances), he's the exact same color as Tasty Taste from "Fear of a Black Hat" who coincidentally was the same color as Malcolm X from "Malcolm X" fame. He's got a bit of the belly, but loses and gains a few pounds without much trouble. Short hair, well-dressed, has white characteristics like Lushus.

 

Does good in school, but not totally outstanding. He'll graduate in the top 25 percent of his class if he hasn't already, and get a decent paying but fame-less job. His wife will be sassy as hell, and give head proficiently.

[The Mandarin 0]

Holy shit, you got me dead on. Especially the part about my self-esteem, too.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I didn't rate CM Funk, though he's already predicted what would happen, so now I'm not going to.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

You know, Agent, I think I will.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Oh fuck...

 

I passed 10,000 posts. Oh man..

 

Fuck..

 

Oh man.

 

KOTZENJUNGE..

 

What do I do????

 

Make a celebratory thread.

 

And start listening to Kylie.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Corey Lazarus wears nothing but band shirts, half a dozen of which are Metallica. Some don't fit any more, as he's a growing boy, who will soon inherit the jaded headbanger disinterest that sinks in around the early 20's. He'll grow tired of mid-tempo metal, and either branch into a myriad subgenre, or go off in a progressive direction. His wardrobe will change accordingly, but he'll continue growing his hair out, even if it looks terrible. Should he ever get it cut and styled correctly, and hit the gym with some effort, he could probably score a metal chick which will treat him like a sexual speedbump.

 

He would pass for a regular guy in an instant were he to wear a different wardrobe. Totally environment-affected.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Dr. Tom looks like Johnny Unitas, only more frazzled and younger. He gets yelled at by military people sometimes, which is as much stress as he ever endures. His family will never fucking shut up about him settling down and getting married and having kids until he does it, so he might as well. He has to get things off of shelves for people, and definitely wears glasses. Also pretty regular, but that's due to his work environment and upbringing. Were he to suddenly become independently wealthy, half would go into savings and the rest would be blown on bullshit.

[Guest Flyboy]

Flyboy's a black kid from the suburbs.

 

Heh, no.

 

Definitely not ghetto

 

Correct -- although, I do have moments where I can turn it on.

 

He's got a bit of the belly, but loses and gains a few pounds without much trouble.

 

Don't know the "loses ... a few pounds without much trouble", but that's spot-on.

 

Short hair, well-dressed, has white characteristics

 

Si, si, si.

 

Does good in school, but not totally outstanding.

 

I would say I do better than "good" -- definitely not up to valedictorian standards, but I know my shit. Not just "school shit" either. There are people that just know school things and have no clue about just things in general. I take pride in knowing a fair share of each.

 

He'll graduate in the top 25 percent of his class if he hasn't already

 

I'm actually hoping for Top 10 percent because if I do I'm on my way to being a Longhorn.

 

and get a decent paying but fame-less job

 

I'm aiming for a psychologist so fame-less is correct.

 

His wife will be sassy as hell, and give head proficiently

 

If my girlfriend as of now ends up being my wife, then the former will be wrong but the latter is correct.

 

Grade: B+