Smarkdown Comments

[Dace59 0]

Not a sign of a comment...as every focuses on the PPV once again. Still, not a problem.

And coming up when these are done...the first Match Of The Month poll as well.

 

These will be very brisk and more just recap as I'm still recovering and I have to work on my match as well.

 

Opening promo:

Manson gets himself the show off to rest his injured leg at last as Zed pimps out USJL contenders match.

 

Opening Match:

Tom Flesher is out after the CW title and some revenege on Rev-0. The Flesher Superior intros just get better and better all the time. Poor Funyon. Another great Flesher match, with the lower card champ franticly trying to hold onto his belt and scoring a few points against the big bad main eventer.

 

Promo:

More cryptic phone calls as Janus doesn't seem to like whatever the hell is going on.

 

n00b Match:

Oh joy, what fun these are to read. Mainly due to the curse of n00b writing that hasn't found it's own style or character yet which isn't fun to read. Well, there....that was a n00b match alright. Moving swiftly on.

 

Tables Match:

Minor point, Vlad didn't debut against Dace, but anyway. More Kelly ego trip stuff for cheap heat. Solid little tables number. Maybe action overselling at some times but a decent read.

 

Tag Team Match:

Ahh, Team Flip Flop in action agaisnt the Wayward Sons. Another really fun match from this team. Same drawbacks as before, but it's being worked on. Carrying over from the first match, the finish is a mirror image which is nice, as is the trend of all speed attacks against the team not working.

 

Hanidcap Match:

Random booking brings us this piece of goodness. Much big man kicking ass here, it's a handicap match so it was never gonna be great. Still some plan and ideas of team work saved it.

 

Promo:

Zenon's plans seem to have been monkey wrenched and someone is coming back and GZ.

 

Singles Match:

Ace faces off against Maddix here...and stuff happens. Ace pulls out another very fun match, working a few good things with Maddix before Johnny makes a run in to build for the PPV. Muzz is again getting back and track and showing he has the goods.

 

Main Event:

Toxxic vs Janus, No DQ....it's gonna be a clusterfuck. I do like Funyon's opening notice, very nice. And it soon turns into a complete clusterfuck as half the fed makes a run in for one reason or another...my god! And it all ends on the huge fight.

 

Closing Promo:

Looks like Zenon's got problems and is bringing someone else back in as well. The plot thickens and such.

 

MOTN:

Tom Flesher vs. Spike Jenkins.

 

Right, I'm tired and still not totally well, live with it. MOTM poll coming up and all that jazz before I start my PPV match.

[Ace309 0]

PARTIAL COMMENTS OF A SMARKDOWN NATURE

 

Insert witty banter here.

 

Manson Promo

- Nice little segment here that makes the show feel a little like a Raw.

 

Card

- I’m required by law to applaud anything King does.

 

Cruiserweight Title Match

- I’m prohibited by law from commenting on anything that I do.

 

Janus Threatens Michael Anderson

- Teasing a debut or return is always nice. Very nice.

 

Candace vs. Chance Silver

- This definitely could have used some polish. The commentators’ characters are pretty wooden, but that’s not much of a concern for a brand-new WFer because, of course, it takes some time to get a handle on the Comet and Riley characters. I couldn’t, however, keep from cringing every time I saw “Paladian.” The word’s right on his stats.

 

Blocking a Swanton with a knee to the gut would require quite a bit of leverage and flexibility.

 

Silver’s dropping to one knee really could have used a commentary line in there somewhere; Riley explaining or belittling the gesture seems like the most obvious way to go. I also noticed that your transitions tend to have a feeling of “Okay, I did x, now I think I’ll do y.” That’s sort of equivalent to bodyslamming a guy, then standing around for a few seconds, and then suplexing him. There doesn’t seem to be much flow from one spot to the next… I don’t get why Chance would go from a German and bridge-out to a Cobra Clutch, as opposed to maybe another German, or working the bridge spot with Chance forcing Canadace back down with a blow to the gut. (The bridge spot is a beautiful thing. Learn it. Love it.)

 

And that spanking spot felt VERY strange.

 

The finish was relatively inventive, so I won’t fault you on that. There just didn’t seem to be much continuity throughout the match. Also, your punctuation and description were both pretty weak… your match had the same sense of “A happens, then Candace does B, then Chance does C” that Rob Gilbert was suffering from a few weeks ago. You could stand to describe the moves a little more, as well as skim some of the other writers’ matches to get an idea of the conventions as far as punctuating your sentences go.

 

All in all, not a bad first effort. The learning curve’s very steep – stick around for a few shows and you’ll find your writing improving by leaps and bounds.

 

USJL Contendership Tables Match

- Manson. The character’s name is MANSON. Overall, nice action. Tables matches are by definition spotty, but this one seemed to develop nicely and it was a fun read. I’m pleased with how you’re developing the Kelly Connelly character. It sort of feels legitimate to have the manager be more interesting than the wrestler, but it’s hard to do in a matchwriting context, so it’s nice to see it happening.

 

MORE COMMENTS LATER~!

[ChrisMWaters 0]

Yeah, I know it's Manson. Just kept forgetting to type the n, and never looked back to see the mistake.

 

I won't make the same mistake during the title match though.

[Guest Suicide King]

Good show I thought. Awesome pre-PPV clusterfuck brawl at the end, a few interesting promos, Spike gets mugged... something for everyone.