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"Phone Call" A film by Roman Promoski

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Location: Uh, pretend this is like right after Lockdown. Because I say so, darn it.


Andrea Montgomery is seated on the bed of a dimly lit hotel room, ice pack on her neck. She appears to be looking at a scrap of paper, while the television, muted, is going unnoticed. Andrea slowly looks up, exhales a deep sigh and walks over to a zipped up bag. She opens it, pulls out a cell phone and dials a number without thinking about it. After a few moments of ringing, the phone is answered. And because I feel like it, both sides of the conversation can be heard.


“Vandelay Industries, how may I direct your call?” asks a surly voice.


“Yeah, I’m looking for the janitor, Zutroy Montgomery.” Andrea says, laughing to herself at her brother’s zany antics. Well, not really. Just go with me on this.


“Andrea, how’s it going?” Her brother asks.


“Well, that’s why I’m calling you, bro.” Drea says. “I take it you’ve been watching my matches.”


“Yeah, I have. You haven’t been doing too well.” Zutroy states matter-of-factly.


“Well, I didn’t expect to have a losing record so soon.” says the Flop in Team Flip Flop.


“Hey, you can’t get a title in three or less matches all the time.” Zutroy says with a laugh. “But that’s not why you called is it?” he asks with all the knowledge of a big brother.


“You’re right. It’s not who I’ve faced, but who I’m going to face. Not sure if you happen to have seen what the card is for Smarkdown.” Andrea says.


“Yes, I have, but I’m not sure I follow you.” The man formerly known as the GOAT says.


“Well, let me put it this way. Have you ever been in a match with someone you were...” Andrea hesitates, not knowing how to best phrase the question.


“Someone I what? Just say what’s on your mind.” Demands Zutroy.


“Been in a match with someone you were you know...attracted to...” Andrea asks meekly.


“Oh yeah, you know, that Bobby Riley was so hot in his outfits.” Zutroy says sarcastically.


“Come on, be serious, man.” Andrea pleads.


“No, nobody I was attracted to. I mean, I didn’t have matches with female wrestlers. Most people had a valet or whatever, but nobody like you, or Sarah, or whoever.” The male Montgomery says.


“It’s just weird, knowing that I’ll be looking across the ring at him, and I’ll be trying to beat him.” Andrea says.


“Who is it, anyway? It’s Cortez, isn’t it?” Zutroy asks.


“No, it’s not him...” Andrea says, not really wanting to reveal the man she’s smitten for.


“Van Siclen?” Shouts Zutroy.


“Well, er...” Andrea stammers.


“No. Tell me it’s not him. That masked dork?”


“I don’t know, he seems very nice...” Andrea says.


“But you can’t even see his face! What if he’s all disfigured?” Zutroy yells.


“Come on, Zutroy! I’m not that damn shallow! He seems to have a good personality, and a great sense of humor.” Andrea says in defense of the Sexual Maskosaurus.


“But...but he’s, you know, lame.” Zutroy states hopefully.


“Look, the only reason I called you is to get advice, but you obviously don’t want to help me.” Andrea says tersely.


“Well, I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve never been in a situation like this. I don’t know what to say.” Apologizes Zutroy.


“I admit, it’s kind of an odd situation, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t need help.” Andrea says.


“Let me think for a second. You obviously want to win this match, but I take it you don’t want anything happening to...him. Erm, I hate to say this, Drea, but I honestly cannot say anything that could help you. It’s not like you can tag someone else in whenever he gets in the ring. You’ll just have to try to put it out of your mind.” Zutroy offers.


“I’ll try, but it won’t be easy. I think he put some kind of Romanian voodoo on me.” Andrea says.


“That makes absolutely no sense. Ugh, I kind of liked it better when you were after Divefire...” Zutroy says.


“Yeah, well, whatever. Good talking to you, even though you didn’t help me at all.” Andrea says.


“Sure, no problem. What I’m here for. Good luck with the match, and try not to make out or dry hump Masked Man in the middle of the ring, or anything.” Zutroy says jokingly.


“Hey! That only happened once...” Andrea says, also laughing. “So, anyway, bye, bro.”


Without waiting for a reply, Andrea ends the call and puts the phone back in her bag. Drea gathers up her things and heads for the door, not wanting to be any later in getting to Phoenix and Smarkdown.

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Guest Suicide King

I second Maddix. While the union is terrifying, the kids make me want to leave the country.

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