Dying teens wish for Cameron Diaz blowjob

[Renegade 0]

From http://www.chaser.com.au/show_story.asp?ID=638&ED=68&CAT=6

 

"PHILADELPHIA, Monday: The parents of 15-year-old leukaemia patient Josh Morten, who last night passed away after a four year battle with the illness, said they were sorry not to have fulfilled his dying wish to get a blow job from Cameron Diaz.

 

The courageous teenager told his family two months ago that the one thing he'd really like before he died was to be sucked off by the successful Hollywood actress and former model.

 

"Josh never asked for much," his father confided. "He never complained about his illness, or made unrealistic demands. So when he requested fellatio from the star of Charlie's Angels and There’s Something About Mary we thought, sure, that’s the least we can do for him."

 

But attempts to grant Josh his dying wish proved much more difficult than the family had initially thought. Formal requests inviting the star to perform oral sex on their dying son were repeatedly declined.

"We wrote, we rang, we faxed," Mr Morten explained. "And every time it was the same answer: 'Sorry, Ms Diaz is currently unable to comply with your request.' I mean, how unsympathetic can you get? We're talking about a dying kid here! Would it kill her?"

 

Mr Morten even made a special trip to Los Angeles, to try to talk to the movie star personally outside the premiere of Gangs of New York. "The crowds were ten deep," he said, "and I'm there yelling out to her from the back: 'Will you go down on my son please!', but she didn’t want to know."

 

With hopes diminishing by the day, Mr Morten placed similar standby requests with the agents representing Catherine Zeta Jones, Jennifer Lopez and Salma Hayek, but in each case the stars refused to co-operate.

 

"Who do they think they are, these women!" railed Mr Morten. "They earn millions of dollars and swan about at fancy parties, but when they get a simple request to bring a smile to a young boy far less fortunate than them, they turn their back on you. What kind of world do we live in when a dying teenager can no longer get his cock sucked by a celebrity?" "

 

Has to be fake, but still funny

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Can't say they tried.

[Murmuring Beast 0]

That is brilliantly sad.

[Slayer 0]

If fake: It's still funny

 

If real: He's an inspiration to terminally ill young males everywhere

[haVoc 0]

Stupid kids. They should ask for C list celebrities who need the press.

[EdwardKnoxII 0]

I remember a story a few years ago about a dying teen, who was a virgin, who wished to have sex before he died.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

I tried submitting it to Fark, and it was submitted 15 months ago.

 

It's probably fake

[Guest Smues]

Had he asked Madonna he probably would have gotten his wish.

[Youth N Asia 0]

I would have gone with Jolie personally. Cameron's lips are small.

 

I think this could have been funnier with less story.

[KingPK 0]

It's probably fake (they would have said "oral sex" if it was real), but this could start a new wing of Make A Wish: Suck a Dick. Top female celebrities take 15 minutes out of their busy lives to satisfy dying men's fantasies. Just think of the PR windfall they would get!

 

I'd also pick Jolie over Diaz, BTW. She actually might be more up to it.

[Guest Nanks]

I first saw this story a couple of years ago. I'm pretty sure it isn't real.

[Guest Quik]

I would have asked to fuck her in the ass.

 

Or a blowjob from that chick from "The Girl Next Door". What's her name Alisha Dushku? I know it'd weird as fuck.

 

Actually, I'd try to fuck Alisha Keys as my dying wish. That girl's ghetto trash, I bet she'd be down with fulfilling the wish.

[Guest Nanks]

Girl Next Door = Elisha Cuthbert

Tru from Tru Calling = Eliza Dushku

[The Tino Standard 0]

Shit, if I'm getting a blowjob as my dying wish, I'm going after a pornstar. I mean, if this is the last (or in this kid's case, ONLY) blow job you're gonna get, why not call on a professional?

 

And if you're worried about getting a disease, don't be. You're dying anyway, so sit back and enjoy.

[Guest Temet]

Chaser is an Australian parody newspaper in the same vein as The Onion. It's fake.

[CheesalaIsGood 0]

well if you want C-list Kari Wuher is a good choice. I think you could prolly get her to do it too.

[Mole 0]

I'd ask for Jenna Jameson because she gives the best head.

 

There is a reason they call it Jenna Head.

[Red Baron 0]

I'd ask for Jenna Jameson because she gives the best head.

 

There is a reason they call it Jenna Head.

But see your a guy.

 

Jenna is 99% carpet muncher