19 Years of Isolation Have Left Me Socially Inept

[spman 0]

This seems as good a board as any to vent my frustration. So 19 Years I spend growing up, mostly isolated from those outside my family. I have a few friends, but for the most part the things that have given me comfort over the years all require being plugged into the wall. Now I am in college and the goald before me is to meet new people and establish relationships. Here is where the effect of isolating myself socially and spending most of my freetime in front of the TV comes into play. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to initiate conversation, I don't know what to say, I don't know what not to say, and I don't know how to make small talk. This is quite the burden to my goal of trying to expand my horizens and overcome being completely anti-social. You can't meet people if you don't talk to them, and when you don't know how to talk to people, then you end up in a circle. Anyone have any advice?

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

Bum a smoke from someone. If you don't smoke, start...then bum one. Agent has said this before and it rings true, it is the best icebreaker in the world.

[Guest Nanks]

Get used to being lonely. You have socially neutered yourself by wasting your life up to this point. I will go out on a limb and suggest you're not athletic or particularly attractive. This will not help matters.

[Guest Fook]

Pretend you lost your voice box in a horrific accident and can't speak anymore. Not only will it make you stand out from the rest of the drudge, but you'll never have to talk to anyone either. It's win-win!

[spman 0]

Get used to being lonely.  You have socially neutered yourself by wasting your life up to this point.  I will go out on a limb and suggest you're not athletic or particularly attractive.  This will not help matters.

I could be athletic if I chose to be, but I chose not to be. Im by no means any fat lazy ass nerd who spends his free time going to Star Trek Conventions, Im in margainally decent shape. Looks wise, Im no Tom Cruise by any stetch, but Im certainly not ugly either. I have a nice complextion, no bad acne scars. My skin is a little pale due to lack of sunlight, but on a Scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being Louie Anderson and 10 being like say, Ben Affleck, I'd say Im a solid 6.5.

[KK Rage 0]

Go to a party and get drunk. Drunk people have no problem initating conversation.

[Guest Nanks]

Well you have a considerable head start over the image I created of you in my head. If you're a non-smoker, an equally efficient ice-breaker is that of alcohol. Funny how it's always drugs one way or another.

 

My serious advice would be get involved in college in some form. Not being into any sports is a disadvantage, because then you could just join up to that particular club and you'd be set, but get yourself in on some kind of organised social group at college. Get a couple of drinks under your belt to erase whatever insecurities you might have about meeting new people and just fucking go for it. The standard opening subject is school, that's one thing that you're guaranteed to have in common with everybody else around you.

 

It's seriously just a matter of having a bit of self-confidence, they're only people. Don't tell them you've got no friends because you've been chained to your computer for your whole life though.

[Kinetic 0]

Keep it simple, you stupid fucking jerk. That came out harsh. I'm sorry. But the sentiment rings true: You need to find common ground with the person you're talking to as far as interests go. I usually break the ice by asking what the person thinks of my outfit. Suddenly we both share a common interest: Me. Chances are, give the unhealthy level of self-absorption you've developed by spending all of your time alone, you'll have a lot to say on the topic of yourself. If any of it's funny, run with it. If it's disturbing, save it for later. However, you have to have backup topics once you've stormed through your A material. I suggest developing other interests as soon as possible, preferably ones that other people are likely to deem "cool," like music or, given that you're in college, radical leftist politics. If I'm grabbing you, inquire further about my telve-step program to reaching the complete you.

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

You're in college. Join a club or society that has weekly events and parties. Any of 'em. Do tech work for a drama group, do some readings for a literary society, or get involved with anything. You'll instantly get acquaintances, and probably manage some friends, too.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Yeah, this guy doesn't sound like a partier. Try the organized social scene, I guess.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Seeing how I have no friends I can't help you with this one. Sorry...

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

The hell's wrong with you? and how can you be somewhat born with something? "kinda" congenital doesn't exist.

[The Czech Republic 0]

I was sort of born with asthma but not really, I guess it's just half-asthma

[Guest Shoes Head]

I could be athletic if I chose to be, but I chose not to be. Im by no means any fat lazy ass nerd who spends his free time going to Star Trek Conventions,

Do you realize how many times I have heard this from fat lazy ass nerds who spend all their free time at Star Trek conventions? Not to take shots but...just saying. Is there a reason for your isolation?

 

You and I are sort of in the same boat, only my isolation isn't so much from shyness as it is by choice. If you're used to message board conversation and expect to find real life conversation as stimulating as you would find here, you're misled. The majority of humans you'll find outside of your home are stupid, crooked, greedy, deceitful, self centered, and just plain out not worth more than 5 minutes of your time. And considering you're in COLLEGE?!? Yeah, majority of bullshit conversation you'll find there will consist of the word "dude" over and over. And over.

 

Or maybe you'll find the outside world exciting and quite fulfilling. All I know for certain is that I sure as hell didn't.

[Angle-plex 0]

I could be athletic if I chose to be, but I chose not to be. Im by no means any fat lazy ass nerd who spends his free time going to Star Trek Conventions,

So you could be athletic if you wanted to be, but you chose not to work out or anything, but you aren't lazy? Sure. You may not be fat but you're not in shape and that won't help you much since you admit your face isn't very attractive.

 

 

I'm likeable, but suck at conversing with even the people I relate to the most (but only offline) and usually say the "wrong" things. My situation wasn't caused by being chained to a computer, that's the way I dealt with the problem, which I was somewhat born with.

 

Becoming a good conversationalist comes with practice, and you're not destined to be bad with it due to genes.

 

Really, shyness is a thing in my family, and I was indeed a little shy from age 12-15, but then one day I stopped really giving a shit what people thought of me so much and started talking more, and I'm much happier because of it. Even if you start talking and make a fool of yourself, will it really matter in 10, 20, 50 years?

[spman 0]

I suppose my isolation is caused by the more deep rooted problem of having over protective parents who often would deny my the ability to venture off on my own and pursue relationships with people they didn't know or didn't approve of. I actually wnet on a pretty long tangent about this to people at work, and made some pretty accuratepoints about how living conditions, financial situations, and other facotrs have a lot of influence over the way parents treat their children, but I digress. Im not going to blame all of my social problems on my parents, because they're certainly aren't the only, or even most important facotr that led to my isolation, although they still don't do anything at all to help the situation. I suppose I could hae done more as a child, I could ahe played sports, I could tried to meet people, but for some reason I never got around to it. My feeling was always, if it's not broke don't fix it. Growing up, I was content living an anti-social, almost Beavis and Butthead-esque (Is that the first time that's even been used in a sentence?) existance, but as Im growing older, Im becoming increasingly less content with that lifestyle, and becoming more dependent on my reltionship with others to satisfy me emotionally. My life revolved around watching TV and playing video games, and any interference from the outside world simply served an an annoyance to distract me from watching TV and playing Nintendo. Now it seems that I no longer want my leisure activities to be the focal point by which my life revolves around. As you grow, the problems you face in your life inevtiably become more complex, and as such no matter how much you isolate yourself from others, you will inevitably need to seek out help from others to try and make sense of things. This is where I stand.

[GreatWhiteNope 0]

Post your pic.

[spman 0]

THe best thing I could do is this Drivers License pic from over a year ago, I don't currently have anything more recent available, and the digital camera is at home. I basically look the same, but with more facial hair now.

 

http://www.geocities.com/mg1rg2/fuzz.jpg

[Slayer 0]

Connecticutt has vertical DLs? Weird

[GreatWhiteNope 0]

I actually kind of look like you.

 

I was pretty reclusive up until high school - then I started to join clubs and play sports. Since then I've disassociated myself from a lot of high school friends and tried to move on with my life.

 

College is a clean slate. First impressions mean everything (both ways).

 

Respect who you are. If small changes are necessary to help extend your good qualities, make them.

 

Just don't go overboard. I had some friends dye my hair once. Needless to say, they fucked up and I was the BUTT of many jokes until it grew out.

 

Try doing something you're interested in, even if you've never done it before. I'm sure your school has a vast selection of clubs to choose from. Like it was mentioned earlier, clubs and activities are great ways to socialize.

 

At worst, you can quit. Hey - at least you can say you tried.

[Addy 0]

Do you go through the 'post mortem' after a conversation? That is thinking back to what you said and thinking how you could have done it 'better'?

 

Are you anxious about being anxious?

 

In social situations, such as going shopping, using the telephone, or when faced with meeting strangers, do you:

 

blush - face going red and feeling hot, sometimes called 'flushing';

sweat;

experience a rapid heart beat or 'palpitations';

tremble - it may just be shaky legs or hands;

have a dry mouth;

or your voice may quiver, you could stammer, or you could experience speech-block.

 

Did your anxiety's start to get serious around the age of 13-14?

 

If you answered 'yes' to the above; you have Social Anxiety Disorder. Welcome aboard!

[The Czech Republic 0]

Do you go through the 'post mortem' after a conversation? That is thinking back to what you said and thinking how you could have done it 'better'?

I do the first one all the time. There are so many jokes I wish I could've made in class that always just came a second too late. If I had been more alert I would've had some real winners back in American Studies. aww

[Guest Fook]

There are so many jokes I wish I could've made in class that always just came a second too late.

 

Well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!

[LatinAssasin 0]

Connecticutt has vertical DLs? Weird

They have them here in Texas also. They're for folks under 21.

 

I also have a problem with shyness, but I've forced myself to be social. Overall, I still only have about 4-5 real friends, but I know a whole bunch of people. The hands down easiest way to get over any shyness is beer. It's helped me a countless amount of time.

[Guest Nanks]

Connecticutt has vertical DLs? Weird

Several states use vertical Drivers' Licenses for Under 21s. California and Washington do too off the top of my head.

[Slayer 0]

Mine doesn't, as far as I know... of course, I haven't carded anyone since '00

 

When I lived in Minnesota they used color differentiaion (blue for kiddies, red for adults)

[Guest The Winter Of My Discontent]

This seems as good a board as any to vent my frustration. So 19 Years I spend growing up, mostly isolated from those outside my family. I have a few friends, but for the most part the things that have given me comfort over the years all require being plugged into the wall. Now I am in college and the goald before me is to meet new people and establish relationships. Here is where the effect of isolating myself socially and spending most of my freetime in front of the TV comes into play. I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to initiate conversation, I don't know what to say, I don't know what not to say, and I don't know how to make small talk. This is quite the burden to my goal of trying to expand my horizens and overcome being completely anti-social. You can't meet people if you don't talk to them, and when you don't know how to talk to people, then you end up in a circle. Anyone have any advice?

Listen to the latest Liars album, it'll cure all of your problems. Guaranteed.

[justsoyouknow 0]

There are so many jokes I wish I could've made in class that always just came a second too late.

 

Well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!

Why does it matter? You're their biggest seller!

[the max 0]

I echo the sentiments of everyone in this thread. Except Banky.

 

I'm quite inept when it comes to carrying conversation, talking to people I don't know, and so on, but even I could make friends when I was attending classes at the local college. And I'm fucking socially retarded.

[Mik 0]

Add Pennsylvania to the list of states that use vertical license for under 21.