FULL HOUSE MEMBERS TO TNA!

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

In all seriousness...we really do need to get drug tested. Often. Or start our own TVW (TV Wrestling) reviews (sort of a parody of the PCN).

[RHR 0]

Drugs? My friend, I don't do drugs. Unless you consider crack a "drug". Then, yeah, I guess you are right.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

According to the Metzler:

 

"Sources are saying that the matches for the next TNA PPV will be a Bullrope match between Chachi and Commisioner Uecker's "surprise", a rematch of the thrilling three way match, this time, with a ladder. The main event will be an Elimination Chamber style match for the Belt between Jeff Jarrett, a one armed 7 year old boy, an inanimate carbon rod, a program from the 1993 World Series (Phillies vs. Blue Jays), a Bo Jackson Nike poster, and Randy Savage. This setup is leading some to think that Jarrett is protecting his spot a little bit too much."

Nike Bo Jackson poster for NWA Champion!

 

Oh, and Laz......I only smoke weed, so no need for the testing here. NO, I'M NOT HIGH RIGHT NOW.

[TheBigSwigg 0]

According to the Metzler:

 

"Sources are saying that the matches for the next TNA PPV will be a Bullrope match between Chachi and Commisioner Uecker's "surprise", a rematch of the thrilling three way match, this time, with a ladder.  The main event will be an Elimination Chamber style match for the Belt between Jeff Jarrett, a one armed 7 year old boy, an inanimate carbon rod,  a program from the 1993 World Series (Phillies vs. Blue Jays), a Bo Jackson Nike poster, and Randy Savage.  This setup is leading some to think that Jarrett is protecting his spot a little bit too much."

Nike Bo Jackson poster for NWA Champion!

 

Oh, and Laz......I only smoke weed, so no need for the testing here. NO, I'M NOT HIGH RIGHT NOW.

Yes you are.

[RHR 0]

UPDATE!!!

 

The Bo Jackson Nike Poster has pulled out of the upcoming PPV, despite being heavily hyped for the last month, due to a backstage confrontation with a copy of a Deion Sanders rap album.

[RHR 0]

IMPACT REVEW

 

Event starts with Jarett's music hitting. Jarrett comes to the ring to hype up his 6 way match at the KING OF THE HILL PPV. Before he can continue, new Commissioner Bob Uecker's music hits. As he hits the ring, he blows off Jarrett, and tells Jarrette that he'll get his chance. But, to make sure that Jarrett's power isn't too strong, he needs a GM to balance the sides properly, to run things. As Jarrett protests, saying that as the TNA NWA TVC CHAMPION he should be running things...Uecker tells him the decision is final.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, your new General Manager...............SLEDGE HAMMER!

 

Sledge Hammer's promo:

 

"Listen up you yogurt-sucking scumbags, there's a new way of doing things here in TNANWATVC. First off, Jarrett, the fans are sick of you hiding behind weaker opponents. So, tonight, as my first act as General Manager, you will meet AJ Styles in WINE SQUASH match. That's right, you and AJ will meet in a pool filled with grapes. First man out, is the new TNANWATVC champion. Now wipe that look off your face you long-haired hippie.

 

Next, looks like we have some scores that need to be settled in back. Well, I think we need to fit as much action as possible into IMPACT...so....tongiht, an 8 man Tag Match. Raven, Alex Keaton, Skippy, and Petey Williams....you will meet up against DDP, Mike Seaver, Boner, and Sabin. Also, Keaton and Seaver...since your girlfriends like geting involved so much, we'll have one-on-one match between Ellen Reid and Kate.

 

 

That's all for now you weak, pathetic pacifists. And Jarrett, don't look so worried. Trust me, I know what I'm doing"

 

 

As we come back from commercial, we see Webster, Kenny (Bud) and Arnold Jackson with Shark Boy. They feel slighted by everyone, because people think they're a joke. Shark Boy jumps up and down, and has an idea. They run off down the hall, bumping a pissed off Jarrett on the way. Jarrett is steamed, and meets up with Nash and Hall. The Kings of Wrestling don't need this crap. He can't believe that just to keep the company going they signed up with a bunch of has-beens who haven't done jack in years. Commissioner Uecker needs to be brought down. Into frame come the ZAPPED boys, with new trophy, Nicole Eggert. Baio tells Jarrett that they have a common enemy, thus common ground. To show his desire to work togehter, Baio holds up a now RIPPED Bo Jackson Nike poster. Baio says, "I took care of one of your problems, you take care of one of mine. You know who."

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

Great, so far, no wrestling at all. Two segments. No wrestling. This is the turnaround of NWATNA?

 

As we come back from break, it looks like we have our first match. Finally.

 

Abyss vs. BG James (w/ 3LK)

 

Grapple to start, as Abyss throws BG into the corner. Hard chops to BG, Irish whip to opposite corner. Abyss crosslines BG into oblivion, when Konnan hist the apron, distracting the ref. Truth with a drop kick to Abyss. Double team by BG and Truth, when Webster, Arnold, and Shark Boy hit the ring. Webster, Kenny (Bud) and Arnold take out BG while the ref calls for the bell. Shark Boy is getting pummled by Truth, but Abyss manages to take out Truth. Konnan tries to intervene, but, is greeted with a Black Hole Slam out side the ring! 3LK heads for the hills, as Shark Boy, Arnold, and Webster get on their knees and begin to worship Abyss.

 

WINNER: BG James (3:14 by DQ)

Veridct: Too short, but, builds up Abyss as a leader/father figure type to these troublesome misfits. Truth really needs to get away from this crap. *

 

COMMERICAL BREAK

 

We cut back to the ring. and Bob Uecker is in the ring for our legends ceremony. Standing next to him is Henry Winkler and the copy of the 1993 World Series program. Uecker mentions how neither of these two have anything whatsoever to do with wrestling, but, since when did that matter. Before he can finish, the Kings of Wrestling hit the ring. Jarrett with a guitar shot to Uecker, Hall with the Razor's Edge to Winkler, and Nash goes for the World Series program, but, while bending down to grab it, tears a quad muscle. Hall, standing over Winkler, pulls out a flask and takes a long pull. Slowly down the ramp come Baio, Ames and Eggert. Baio stands over Winkler, and tells "Fonzie" that it's over now. Looking at a startled Winkler, Baio tells him that he just got "Zapped".

 

 

COMMERICAL BREAK

 

OK. Three minutes of shitty wrestling so far? What the hell is going on? And, why are Baio and Jarrett together?

 

Back from break, my god, finally a match.

 

 

Raven, Alex Keaton, Skippy, and Petey Williams vs. DDP, Mike Seaver, Boner, and Sabin

 

Petey and Sabin to start. Good back and forth action, crowd finally coming alive. Williams with a missle kick off middle rope, into a headlock. Sabin puses Williams in the corner, goes for suplex, but Williams lands on feet. Hits Sabin with drop kick, then throws on Anklelock. Sabin rolls over, bridges, and kicks Williams with free leg. Sabin grabs Williams, T-Bone Powerbomb! Sabin covers, 1,2, no. Sabin grabs Williams, heads to corner, tags in Seaver. Seaver with fists to Williams, Williams whips Seaver into ropes, is met with brutal roundhouse from Seaver. Skippy pulls pants down to reveal whitey tighties, distractin ref long enough for Keaton to hit hurricana on Seaver from Top Rope.; Seaver down, Sabin with the tag to Raven. Raven in, DDT to Seaver. Cover, 12no. Raven gives DDP finger. Crowd really getting into this, Sabin chants huge, which Skippy seems to be dancing to. Raven tags in the dancing Skippy, who, apparently confused, gives German suplex to Raven. Getting an opportunity, Seaver tags in DDP, who clears out Skippy. Raven and DDP battle into the corner, Skippy back in, taken out by Boner with the BonerSpear. They battle to corner, as Keaton runs to aid Skippy. Sabin meets with spinning dropkick. This prompts Petey to over to Sabin, whipping Sabin into corner. Goes for Acid Drop, but is countered by Sabin who gets what appeared to be a Half Nelson/Sit-out powerbomb. Simply awesome. All 8 men in ring now, battling in opposite conters. Skippy, Raven, Keaton and Petey all start pounding their respective rival. Seaver goes crimson from Keaton's vicious fists. Crowd chanting Boner! Boner! Boner! in an act of deparation, Boner whips Skippy towards opposite corner, at exact same time Seaver whips Keaton, Keaton and Skippy collide, and stagger around, while Sabin suplexes Williams towards middle of the ring. DDP is kicked hard by Raven, Raven turns 180 and hits Raven pose. He stops and sees Keaton, Williams, and Skippy staggering in middle of the ring. Then, at the EXACT same time, DDP, Seaver, Boner, and Sabin, all hit DIAMOND CUTTERS!!!! All four men cover, ref back up, 123.

 

WINNERS: Sabin, DDP, Seaver,. Boner ( 13:16)

Veridict: Great back and forth. Seaver and Keaton are two great workers. Awesome sequence at end of match, the Diamond Cutters at the same time looked cheesey, but, great. ***

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

In the back, we have Uecker getting attended to by a doctor. SledgeHammer strolls up with TRINITY AND TRACY on his arms. Sledge tells Uecker he'll make sure that Baio stays in control of himself. He also tells Uecker he's gonna need protection. Uecker agrees, and, looking at Trinity and Tracy, looks back at Hammer and tells him that Sledge is gonna need some, too.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

Sledge Hammer is the mack daddy pimp of pimps. He makes Teddy Long look like something outta Revenge of the Nerds.

 

Back from break, and we have a match.

 

ELLEN REID vs. KATE

 

It's Alex's ex vs. Seaver's ex. And I gotta tell ya, the years have been good to both of these ladies. Ellen with the chops to cate, whips Kate, Kate goes over top rope in corner, and to the outside. Kate goes for the plancha, but meets nothing but Mat, as Ellen rolls out of the way. Ellen goes top rope, MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE!!!! Kate appears done for at this point, but manages to kick out at 2! Ellen picks up Kate, goes for Twist of Fate, but Kate counters and puts Boston crab on Ellen. Kate locks it in hard, then, to the crowd's delight, shows Ellen's goods!!! Ellen taps out in embarassment. Kate struts around ring, and at the top of the ramp a shadowy figure appears. Ellen's head whips around as Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" starts playing. The lights go out. When they come back on, the shadowy figure is gone.

 

WINNER: Kate (5:08)

Verdict: Short, but sweet. The distraction at the end was intetersting to say the least. ***

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

MAIN EVENT: AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

A huge basket like thing is in the ring, filled with grapes a la' I Love Lucy. AJ's muisc hits, and he sprints! out to the ring, hits the apron, bouches off top rope, does a FROGSPLASH into the bucket!!! He stands up, mouth full of grapes, does the Triple H pose, and spits the grapes. Huge smile on face. Jarrett's music hits, and he's on his way to the ring with Hall, Nash (now in wheelchair with a cast on leg, a face protector on face, and an ALF band aid on right index finger, and the ZAPPED boys. Jarrett has the stick! and says, no way in hell he's going to wrestle in that damn thing. He climbs into ring, and gets up in AJ's face, telling him he's not worthy of being the NWATNATVC champion. Jarrett turns around to leave, but, AJ reaches down into the grapes, and pulls out, THE BO JACKSON NIKE POSTER!!!! The poster wraps itself around Jarrett's head, causing Jarrett to fall into the pit of grapes! Hall and Ames go for the save, pulling the BJNP off of Jarrett. Nash raises arms to clap, but, pulls tricep and blows out rotator cuff in the process, as he falls to floor screaming like a little girl. AJ is pounding away at Jarrett, and nails the Styles clash!!!! AJ hops over the side of bucket! We have a newwwwww TNANWATVC CHAMP!!!!!

 

But, out comes DUSTY RHODES!!!! Since BJNP was waiting in the bucket for Jarrett, he's reversing the decision!!! Sledge Hammer comes out and SHOOTS A HOLE THROUGH DUSTY'S CHEST!!!!! Sledge Hammer, " I don't EVER, NEVER, EVER....WANT TO SEE THAT FUCKING TYPE OF FINISH AGAIN, GODDAMMIT!!!"

 

Dutch Mantell comes out to check on Dusty, but is blindsided by DANNY TANNER!!!! TANNER WITH CHARISHOTS TO DUTCH, AND THEN TO SLEDGEHAMMER!!!! SLEDGEHAMMERS GUN DISCHARGES, KILLING MANTEL INSTANTLY!!! The 1993 WORLD SERIES PROGRAM AND A HALF EATEN MARSHMALLOW PEEP COME IN TO STOP TANNER, BUT UNCLE JOEY AND UNCLE JESSIE PUT A STOP TO THAT!!!! In the ring, AJ is overpowered by the Zapped boys and Jarrett, until the FULL HOUSE GUYS HIT THE RING AND CLEAR OUT EVERYONE WITH CHAIRSHOTS!!!

 

MONTY BROWN STROLLS TO THE RING WEARING A CARDIAGAN AND KAHKIS!!!! He steps into ring, shakes hands with the Danny, Jessie, and Joey. MONTY looks at the carnage, and says, looks like it was a FULL HOUSE tonight, bitches. We takin' over!!! Jessie and Joey pick up Jarertt, and let him go as MONTY hits the POOOOOUNNNNNCCEEEEEEE on Jarrett. Hall cradles Nash into the ring, and, the FULL HOUSE IS IN THE HOUSE!!! THE OUTSIDERS ARE JOINinG MONTY AND THE GANG!!!

 

And we're out....

 

I gotta tell ya, this is an intersting and new direction for NWATNA to go. They needed fan interest, and, they needed money. Plus, with Dusty and Dutch gone (this appeared real, as Dutch's head was a fine mist thanks to the overwhelming power of Sledge's .44 ), the booking can only get better. At this point, all bets are off, everyone is a contender. This is also much, much better tban anything WWE can offer right now.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

This thread is lacking Cousin Larry Appleton and you know it.

[RHR 0]

You think AJ is just going to stand alone?

[RHR 0]

I just can't wait to see if Corey likes the end of the show.

 

I covet Corey's opinon like that of a father trying to prove he's cool to his young daughter.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Bad booking. Death on a wrestling program is ALWAYS bad...even when the life was as worthless/harmful as Dutch's to the overall balance of our lives.

[RHR 0]

Corey, you are going soft on me m'boy.

[TheBigSwigg 0]

This is getting way out of hand. I've created a monster, here, boys. How do I kill it?

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Uhhhh...have Banky post in it?

[TheBigSwigg 0]

That would do it.

 

On a sidenote: Is it just me or is Banky becoming more and more like MikeSC?

[RHR 0]

This thread will never die. Unless it goes classic...which...apparently we haven't hit yet. Let's all help out here, m'kay.

[TheBigSwigg 0]

This thread isn't a classic, and never will be.

 

Partly because it's in the TNA folder.

[Guest Dynamite Kido]

Also, look at who started it......

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

That would do it.

 

On a sidenote: Is it just me or is Banky becoming more and more like MikeSC?

Nah. Mike at least made sense and wasn't a complete tool, and at least admitted when he didn't know something about a certain topic. That, and Banky went from good comedy poster to bad wannabe Inc.

 

All of the HD/NHB regs are going downhill. IDRM turned religious (which I still think just might be a gimmick), Inc isn't as funny as he used to be, and Banky tries too hard to be pretentious about rock music while also liking terrible bands that even I wouldn't listen to.

 

What we need is Dames in here. THAT would make this thread a classic!

[RHR 0]

Well...he...I have tried to make this "good". If you guys want to help out...make up your own TV...book your own PPV....shit...this is the TNA thread...it's not like we have much else to do...christ....RAW isn't even a new show tonight...WE are the ones who make it what it is...

 

It's like when you show up at a party...and there's only 5 people there...what do you do? Sit around...bitch no one's there...or...call people and beg them to show up at your boring ass party...no...no...no...

 

Your break out the booze...break out the tunes....break out the funny green stuff....and make the most of it....when people start calling to see what's going on...and the person that answers speaks drunken gibberish and there's voices in the background...and loud music...people start showing up...then more...then more...

 

Make what you will out of it...I ain't giving up...

 

At least no untill BJNP is the newwwwwww TNANWATVC CHAMPION OF THE WORLD...

 

CHECK THE MOTHERFUCKIN' SIG!!!!!!!!!!

[TheBigSwigg 0]

That would do it.

 

On a sidenote:  Is it just me or is Banky becoming more and more like MikeSC?

Nah. Mike at least made sense and wasn't a complete tool, and at least admitted when he didn't know something about a certain topic. That, and Banky went from good comedy poster to bad wannabe Inc.

 

All of the HD/NHB regs are going downhill. IDRM turned religious (which I still think just might be a gimmick), Inc isn't as funny as he used to be, and Banky tries too hard to be pretentious about rock music while also liking terrible bands that even I wouldn't listen to.

 

What we need is Dames in here. THAT would make this thread a classic!

Actually, IDRM admitted that it was a gimmick so he could have a thread about cock shots and the Bible in Classics. Which is funny, and I was impressed that he held his own in said thread. Inc and Banky haven't been funny to me. They seem to high on themselves.

 

And when I say Banky is becoming Mike, I mean he argues about something to the point that you just don't want to talk about it anymore.

[RHR 0]

Wrestling Observer is suggesting that a former WCW champ may be making his way to NWATNATVC. When asked who it is, WO responded, but, was eating cheetos at the time, so, couldn't be understood properly. Plus, it was gross to look at.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

THIS JUST IN!

 

The joke of the NWATNATVC promotion has lived past its death. Fans have cried for the mockery of a wrestling company to end, and Panda Energy has recently pulled its funding, assassinated Jerry Jarrett, and FoxSportsNet has used the television contract for toilet paper.

-WrestlingObserver.com

[Mecha Mummy 0]

... So why the fuck is this thread still being posted in again?

[TheBigSwigg 0]

2 reasons: 1-RHR really enjoys it and wants it to stay alive, 2-people keep asking "Why is thread still being posted in?"

[RHR 0]

Now dammit, while I am at work, inbetween calls, working out a PPV for this, I thought about how, despite my best efforts, the thread must die.

 

But, how do you kill off a thread in a good way?

 

Well...I came up with a great solution, ripping off my favorite sitcom cliffhanger EVER to end this PPV with. And thus the thread could die in peace.

 

But, no. Since no one cares, fuck it.

 

So, here is the final TNANWATVC (Total Non-stop Action National Wrestling Alliance TeleVision Championism) IMAPCT

 

All the wrestlers and stars are in the ring. Jeff Jarrett tells everyone they have to go to their home planet now. They board a ship and leave. The ship blows up on the way back.

 

There. A shitty ending. It's over.

 

Get a mod to pull the plug. Hand in your badges and guns. Throw some ripped up paper in the air as confetti to give it a going away party vibe.

 

Now back to just bitching about Triple H and Double J.

[Guest netslob]

yep figures. a guy tries to have a little fun and he gets shit on by people with no sense of humor. go figure. a few tight-asses have to go and ruin it for the rest of us. well, you won, resume your randon bitching about Jarrett and Mantell. christ knows that NEVER gets old.

[TheBigSwigg 0]

Like this thread has had THAT much real humor in it.

[Guest netslob]

that's not the fucking point. who was he hurting? he was just trying to have fun, which i thought was, y'know, the whole point of messageboards. just cause YOU don't think it's funny, doesn't mean SOMEONE else doesn't.

 

if this kinda thing offends people to the very core of their beings, hey, i got an easy solution: STAY OUT OF THE FUCKING THREAD!!!! just don't come in here!! see how easy that sounds?!? it's so simple, and yet people still come in here and bitch: "Why isn't this thread closed yet", "Why do people still post in here", blah blah fucking BLAH. don't come in! get out! let those of us who are actually amused by this (yeah believe it or not, i think it's funny...can you handle that?) have fun. but no, you all go and suck all the fun out of it. as usual.

 

oh christ what's the point. you win. it's over. shut the lights out when you leave.

 

buncha pricks.

[RHR 0]

Swigg...are you saying that save for the X division guys (including AJ)

...that the Bo Jackson Nike Poster doesn't have the best work rate in NWATNA?

 

Ya know...last night Bob Saget and John Stamos were on the Late, Late Show...and my friends and I couldn't stop laughing about how cool it would have been if Frank Lambert and Jason Seaver (Patrick Duffy and Alan Thicke) would have ran onto the set and started a fight...and man, it just went from there....granted...people that are drunk sometimes think they are funnier than they really are...but....there is some humor in there....

 

if you are dissatisified with the humor...ADD TO IT...or don't....

 

anyway....I'm going to keep writing the FINAL PPV...if you have ideas you'd like me to incorporate (this is to everyone!!!) let me know...

 

cause dammit...i'm going to close this out right before we're gone...and....i'm gonna try to get to classic status...cause this is much funnier than the "How do I burn a CD" thread....

[TheBigSwigg 0]

Excuse me for ruining your fun.

 

Next time I topple your Lego's, you have permission to choke me with them. And when people start across the board start ripping the TNA folder because of it's stupidity, don't ask why.