FULL HOUSE MEMBERS TO TNA!

[Guest netslob]

Excuse me for ruining your fun.

 

your forgiven.

 

Next time I topple your Lego's, you have permission to choke me with them.

 

i'll keep it in mind.

 

And when people start across the board start ripping the TNA folder because of it's stupidity, don't ask why.

 

shouldn't be a problem.

 

and RHR, good to see they didn't scare you off. keep up the good work. the ZAPPED stuff in particular. Ames and Baio were the premier comedy team of the '80's.

[RHR 0]

Well...I finished it off....so....here it is....the LAST post in this thread until all the smartmarks recognize the HUGE potential of said thread......

[RHR 0]

TNANWATVC:TO THE DEATH

SledgeHammer is the first to the ring:

 

"Tonight, we are pulling out all the stops. We will have the matches that will shock and captivate you people here, and the millions watching. Tonight, we will have a Tag Team title match between the best four teams in the world, in a STEEL CAGE: XXX, AMERICA'S MOST WANTED, THE UNCLES, AND THE COUSINS!!!"

 

Huge pop for that. Looks like a great match-up.

 

"Also, for the WOMEN'S TITLE, a ROYAL RUMBLE!!!! We will have TRINITY, TRACY, DESIRE, ELLEN REID, KATE SEAVER, MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSON, URKEL IN DRAG, JACQUELINE, AND EDNA GARRETT!!!"

 

Whoa, could be a really great match. Edna may have tricks up her sleeve for her NWATNATVC debut!

 

"Then in a grudge match...Alex P Keaton and Mike Seaver will settle it once and for all...in a WARGAMES with their sides facing off in a final clash. But, with a catch...Seaver and Keaton will be handcuffed on opposite sides of the rings. The last man standing on their teams will get a key to unlock their partner, and they will have the advantage as they will have the chance to beat the hell out the other guy for one minute until he is unlocked!!!!"

 

Now, that could be somewhat brutal.

 

"Finally, we will have a Seven Man Hell in the Cell for the NWATNATVC title....with....

 

DANNY TANNER...boos

MONTY BROWN...mixed boos and cheers...

JEFF JARRETT....boos

FRANK LAMBERT....silence

JASON SEAVER...light cheers

AJ STYLES....roof almost blows off building...

and.....

THE...NIKE...BO....JACKSON...POSTER!!!!! ...louder than the night Austin came back to help Foley win!

 

There it is. This night will be....

 

Lights go out. When we return....SledgeHammer is down on the ground, and the word THE is spraypainted over his head.

 

FOUR WAY TAG TITLE MATCH

XXX (Skipper and Daniels)

AMW(Chris Harris and James Storm)

The Uncles (Uncle Jessie and Uncle Joey)

The Cousins (Larry Appleton and Balki)

 

Daniels, Uncle Jessie, Storm, and Appleton to start. Jessie with the side headlock onto Storm, who snaps out of it with hard Irish whip and a crossline. Daniels and Appleton trade chops in the corner, Daniels whips Appleton to other corner, but, Appleton reacts quickle and nails Harris with a throw-off shoulderblock. Daniels grabs Harris, and delivers a drop toehold which goes into a Boston crab. Cousin Larry with the Arm wringer on Jessie, Jessie out of it with a forearm. Jessie tags in Joey, who grabs Larry and wants to go Old School...and he does. Balki gets caught trying to make the save, but Daniels distracts Joey long enough for Balki to gain an advantage. Double team of Balki, and Larry on Joey, but Skipper and Storm are in the ring now. Everyone is brawling. Uncle Jessie comes off the ropes with a DDT on Danies, and covers for the pin. But Skipper with the save. Now the ring clears out, but Uncle Jessie spin kicks Daniels to the outside. Cousin Larry with the powerbomb to the outside on Harris! No, just Appleton and Jessie in the ring, Jessie hits Appleton with flying clothesline. He taunts the crowd, picks up Appleton for the Full House Slam, but, Balkai in with the superkick for the save. Everyone in the ring now, hittign their spots, until Appleton and Balki throw Harris out of the ring, and layout Harris. Both men do the DANCE OF JOY!!! Then, Appleton with the LEGDROP, Balki with the STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! Appleton the cover, 1...2....LIGHTS GO OUT!!!! Back in the ring, everyone is down!!! Back where Sledgehammer was laid out, THE now has CHAMP spraypainted next to it.

 

WINNER: NONE

VERDICT: Hopefully, all the finishes are NOT like this tonight. Hot action, good back and forth, but....who are the Tag Champs? Better yet, who is THE CHAMP? **1/2, 1/2 * off for finish.

 

 

WOMEN'S TITLE ROYAL RUMBLE

TRINITY, TRACY, DESIRE, ELLEN REID, KATE SEAVER, MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSON, URKEL IN DRAG, JACQUELINE, AND EDNA GARRETT

 

All the women are in the ring. Random brawling to start. Trinity, Tracy and Kate gang up on the much heavier Mary Kate...which allows Ashley to sneak in and tip Kate over the top rope. Mary Kate grabs Tracy and suplexes her OUT OF THE RING!!!! Jacqueline is dropkicked out by Urkel in drag, to which Edna grabs the taunting Urkel, and, OH MY GOD!!!~~~ LIFTS HIM UP...TOSS HIM IN THE AIR....AND CHEST BUMPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! Trinity and Tracy pound away at the Olsens, while Ellen is hanging onto the bottom rope. Edna tracks her down, grabs her, and Irish whips her....backdrops Ellen out of the ring. The Olsons double team DDT Trinity...allowing them to gang up on Tracy. Tracy is thrown over the top, but, Trinity knocks them both out with the FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! We're down to Edna and Trinity....Trinity with the whip on Edna, Edna with the crossbody to Trinity. Edna goes to rope, but is met by a flying kick from Trinity. Both women on the top rope now...LIGHT GO OUT!!!!

 

When we come back, Trinity and Edna are both outside the ring, down.

 

Up by the ramp, the spraypainting now says...THE CHAMP IS.

 

WINNER: NONE

VERDICT: Ummm...ok...what the hell is going on. Good Rumble match for the ladies though. I'm pissed off though. The same finish twice? The payoff better be worth it. **

 

WARGAMES

Team Keaton (Alex P. Keaton, Skippy, Raven, Petey Williams)

Team Seaver (Mike Seaver, Boner, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley)

 

Keaton and Seaver are handcuffed at bothends. The first two guys out are Williams and Sabin.

 

 

 

Sabin pulls Williams into his ring and connects with a right hand, Whip to ropes and Williams runs into a nice rana and a dropkick. A slugfest then erupts as Williams battles back, but Sabin with the snapkick and into the chokehold. Sabin starts choking Williams then connects with a powerslam for a two count. Williams begs off Sabin, who is relentless with the chops. He finally gets some separation in the corner and springboards in with a spinning wheel kick and now both men are down.

 

This brings the first new entry...Skippy. Skippy into the ring, and him and Williams double team on Sabin. Sabin, laid out with a spinning heel kick. Skippy picks Sabin up, but Sabin with the low blow, he comes out of it wih a big Yakuza kick into a DDT on Williams. Williams down. Skippy climbs up to top rope for the LEAPING QUEER SPEAR...but misses, and Sabin with the roll-up. 123, Skippy is OUT!

 

The next entrant to the ring is Alex Shelley! Shelly and Sabin dobule team on Williams, a sweet Two man whip into the ropes is met by a desparation clothesline by Petey. Petey up, grabs Shelley, whips Shelley into ropes CANDADIAN DESTROYER!!!!~. Petey with the cover..123!!! Shelley is pissed!

 

Williams celebrates, but is met by Sabin with THE FUTURE SHOCK!!!!~~~~MY GOD!!! Sabin covers, 123. Sabin stands alone. Crowd chants out "HAIL SABIN!!!"

 

But, the celebration is short lived. Out comes RAVEN!!!

 

Raven comes out with INTENSITY~! and hits a big clothesline and a knee lift. A clothesline in the corner is followed up by a bulldog into the corner…and Raven hits a quick Raven Effect. He covers Sabin, 1..2...NO!!!! Sabin kicks out!!! Raven is pissed, picks up Sabin, DOUBLE ARM DDT!!! Cover...1...2....NO!!!! Sabin begs off to corner, Chops his way out of corner, and hits Raven with a Spinning Heel Kick. Sabin goes to cover, but, NO!!! Raven and Sabin are just killing each other, punch for punch, kick for kick...they are clicking on all levels. Then the clock strikes...

 

AND OUT COMES BONER!!! Boner runs in and helps Sabin double-team Raven. This is over quickle...Boner hits the AP FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! That's right, the Anal Pummeler from the top rope---it's like the Dudley Boyz whazzzup...but...a punch instead of a head BUTT...and the guy is turned over---Sabin covers. 123!!!

 

Now, the brutality can start....Sabin and Boner get the key. They unlock Seaver, and they saunter over to Keaton. They stomp a mudhole in him for one whole minute, Keaton juices big time. They back up at the minure marks so Seaver can finish him off....Keaton limps up, juicing big time, and THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN!!! WHAT THE FUCK??????

 

The lights come back on...and all four men are down. The ramp now reads THE CHAMP IS....and for the first time....we hear laughter from the rafters......

 

WINNER: NONE

VERDICT: What is going on here? Can we get a finish??? If the payoff to all this isn't worth it...I'm going to be pissed. Good all-around match, mega heat. ***1/2

 

Commisioner Bob Uecker is in the back, running around looking for Sledgehammer. Sledge is on his way to the hospital....so Uecker runs to the the Locker Room...opens the door....with a shocked expression on his face...he goes "You..." LIGHTS OUT!!!!

 

Lights back on...Uecker is down and out...we see a pair of boots, and a woman's high heels...and hear laughter.....

 

We're back in the arena....and all of the TNANWATVC wrestlers have surrounded the CELL for our Hell in the Cell match.

 

Seven Man Hell in the Cell for the NWATNATVC title

 

All seven men in the ring to start. A deafening pop hits...as Sledgehammer, and all the guys who have been taken out, make their way to the ring....Sledgehammer says there is no way there won't be a finish to this one....so it's a SEVEN MAN HELL IN THE CELL

LUMBERJACK MAT....Sledge's phone rings...it's Dave Metzler...Sledge restarts....SEVEN MAN HELL IN THE CELL LADDER LUMBERJACK MATCH!!!!

 

This thing is a mess from the get-go....everyone is just pummeling each other. AJ dropkicks Monty, but is met by a clothesline by Tanner, who is suplexed by Lambert, who is clotheslined by Seaver, who is dropkicked by Jarrett, who is tripped by BO JACKSON NIKE POSTER!~ Everyman is brawling ruthlessly....outside the cell....an enraged heel crowd attacks the face crowd...and IT IS ON!!! THE WHOLE ARENA IS ONE BIG STREET FIGHT!!!!! BODIES AND BLOOD FLYING EVERYWHERE....AND...THE LIGHTS GO OFF....HERE COMES THE PAYOFF...NO...WAIT...ALL OF THE WRESTLERS ON THE OUTSIDE ARE DOWN AND OUT....SLEDGEHAMMER IS CRAWLING TO THE BACK YELLING GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH!!!!

 

The wrestlers in the ring are still going at it, but it appears that Lambertt and Brown are out cold. Jarrett and Tanner are basically teaming agains Styles and Seaver. Styles approaches them, but, SEAVER WITH THE STYLESCLASH ON STYLES. MY GOD!!! WHAT HAS HAPPENNED???? JARRETT WITH THE COVER AS TANNER AND LAMBERT LOOK ON...1..2...LIGHTS OUT AGAIN.....THE SPRAYPAINT ON THE RAMP IS ON FIRE....AND SLOWLY....A NEW WORD IS BURNING...H.......LIGHTS BACK UP...TANNER IS DOWN!!!! LIGHTS OUT....STILL BURNING....

 

E....LIGHTS ON!!! SEAVER IS DOWN!!!!

 

LIGHTS BACK OFF....

 

R....

 

LIGHTS BACK UP....STYLES IS LAID OUT COLD....

 

E......THE CHAMP IS HERE!!!!

 

LIGHTS OUT....BO JACKSON NIKE POSTER IS RIPPED INTO TWO!!!

 

LIGHTS OUT...

 

Back in the cell....a spotlight hits Jarrett....there are two figures in the ring...one is a woman...the other is a man...wearing a championship belt...wait...so is she....PYRO GOES OFF AROUND THE ARENA....LAUGHTER FILLS THE ARENA....THE WORDS THE CHAMP IS HERE EXPLODE....

 

LIGHTS BACK UP!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IT'S DAVID ARQUETTE AND COURTNEY COX ARQUETTE!!!!!!

 

DAVID NAILS JARRETT WITH THE NWATNATVC BELT!!!!

 

HE'S GOT THE STICK!~~~~~~

 

"Get this trash out of here."

 

A bunch of midgets dressed as Smurfs come out of everywhere, and dump the wrestlers to the floor as the cell lifts. Arquette speaks.

 

"Hey everybody. You all know none of this was possible without me. I am the man you all look up to. I came here to take back what is mine. I am the champ, now and forever."

 

The crowd boos harshly.

 

"I am a former WCW champion! I am a box office Star! You will respect me, and the ode to wrestling I made called READY TO RUMBLE!!!" He holds up a DVD copy of the wrestling meets Hollywood story, prompting SLEDGHAMMER!!!~~~~to come back out to the top of the ramp.

 

"David, you don't know what your are doing. That movie is a bomb"

 

"Well, Sledgie....it wasn't marketed right...I thought...."

 

"NO YOU IDIOT...NOT IT WAS A BOMB...IT IS A BOMB!!!"

 

Sledgehammer runs to the ring, Courtney Cox flees in terror, and Sledge, David, Danny, Jarrett, Bo Jacskon Nike Poster, et all look at the DVD box, ticking slowly.

 

Sledgehammer kneels down and grabs the box.

 

Jarrett:"Dammit Hammer, what are you doing."

 

Sledge turns to the boys, grins and says, "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

 

As Sledge turns the box, viewers at home see only a blacked out screen, then.....nothing.

 

EPILOGUE

 

After boarding the plane to Seattle, Courtney Cox noticed the newspaper headlines: The LA Times--"Bomb Kills Hundreds of Innocent Victims, Jeff Jarrett at Wrestling Event---$$$ missing" The Chicago Tribune---"A Day of Infamy for the Wrestling World!" NY Post---"President Bush and Vice President Cheney Hunt, Eat Bat-Boy!", As the plane landed in Seattle, she walked through the gate and saw him. The dashing, chaming man she was in love with. He asked her..."Did you bring the money." She smiled, and said "Only if you brought the honey". And with that, she dropped the bag she had filled with the stolen PPV money, wrapped her arms around him, and leaned in.

 

In her mind she thought, "This was worth it.", as her mouth met lustfully with the lips of RHR.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EPILOGUE EPILOGUE

 

RHR and Courtney Cox must have attended at least six or seven funerals, plus, for some reason, a barmitzvah, so, naturally tired...she laid down to take a nap. Later, she was awakened by the sound of running water. She walks into the bathroom, opens the shower door, and sees....the BO JACKSON NIKE POSTER. She laughs, and realizes...it was all a dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EPILOGUE EPILOGUE EPILOGUE

 

As his mom called to dinner, the young boy sat in his room. His walls adonrned with a Bo Jackson Nike Poster, and posters of his favorite 80's shows, the ones he would watch in his youth. As he sat in his bead, indian style, he bounced as though a child. He stared at the object in his hands. A present of sorts. A snowglobe. A musical snowglobe. And, as RHR stared at it, it started playing "Real American"...and his head filled with visions of what could happen inside the squared circle that filled the snowglobe. He dreamed of.....<fading vision of Scott Baio and Willie Ames covered in blood....>

[RHR 0]

New sig.

[Guest netslob]

(*marks out for the Dance of Joy*)

 

nice job, despite the lack of the ZAPPED boys.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

I don't think the problem with the jokes isn't so much that we don't have a sense of humor, as a lot of the comes across as forced. There was a good idea in placing sitcom stars into TNA at random, and then talking about fake feuds as if they actually happened, but, in my opinion, RHR took it one step too far, and, in the process, create things less funny than my drunken Rush that I did for one of the shittiest editions of TNA ever earlier this year.

 

Not to say he didn't try, because he did, but he tried too hard is all. If we stuck to talking about sitcom stars as if they were actual wrestlers, the thread wouldn't have died so early, dig?

[Guest netslob]

i guess that's groovy.