SmarkDown losing match trend

[Guest carnage]

Here's my masterpeice for what it's worth. Any comments/critiques would be appreciated.

 

 

The camera dances over the thousands of screaming faces that fill the seats, that fill the

Stands, that fill the historic Mecca of sports that is known as the Madison Square Garden. In the sold-out Arena numerous oversized signs pop up and down as fans cheer on their favorite SWF Superstar. As the long evening winds to a close the house lights dim once again as the fans react with an ovation fitting a Main Event match up.

 

“Well Robert, this has been an incredible evening” Comet states, his voice somewhat hoarse from the long card.

 

“…and it ain’t over yet” Riley responds with a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat envious. “We still have the Championship match between Toxxic and Carnage!”

 

As the stadium lights fade to near darkness, the crowd reacts to the familiar image of Funyon making his way towards the ring. The arrival of the veteran SWF announcer can only mean one thing…Showtime!

 

“TOXXIC SUCKS”

 

The dapper SWF announcer briskly climbs the steel ring steps and steps through the ropes as he makes his way to the microphone that dangles peacefully in the center of the ring. Funyon grabs the mike and flicks it on, as an audible crackle is heard throughout the Garden.

 

“The following contest is one fall to a finish with a 60 minute time limit…and is for the SWF WORLDS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!” Funyon exclaims as several thousand voices quickly react...

 

YYYEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!

 

“This should be a great match” the Spandex Superhero begins. “Two contrasting styles if ever there were”

 

“Whatever!” Riley responds with a distinctly uninterested tone in his voice. “When Toxxic is done with Carnage he’ll wish he was back in the Looney bi!”

 

A dim blue lights shines under the Smarktron as a cloud of fog begins to rise from the top of the entrance ramp. Suddenly a coarse whisper is heard over the arena sound system as a familiar theme begins…

 

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

LET THE BODIES HIT THE…FLOOOOOOOORRRRR!!!

 

 

“Introducing first…he weights in at 307 pounds and hails from Parts Unknown…CAAARRNAGEE!!!”

 

BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

 

A fountain of white and blue pyrotechnics explode from under the Smarktron as Carnage wildly pulls back the velvet curtain and steps onto the entrance ramp. The SWF resident maniac takes a few steps onto the ramp, and then pauses to glare out at the fans in the Garden. As Carnage takes his brief pause he is joined by his manager Frisco, and the lovely Asian beauty Candace. The group slowly makes their way down the ring as the crowd wastes little time reacting to Frisco’s presence.

 

FRISCO SUCKS

FRISCO SUCKS

FRISCO SUCKS

 

The manager appears uninterested in their reaction as he engages in some last minute instructions with Carnage. The challenger seems very focused on the match and does not appear to have his normal wild eye look as he approaches ring side. Candace…who as usual looks lovely in her black playboy bunnie tank top and matching black leather mini, stops to give Carnage a brief embrace, before taking a seat at ring side. Frisco calmly waits outside the ring as Carnage climbs the steel stairs that lead to the ring. He confidently steps over the top rope and walks to the center of the ring as dozens of flash bulbs record the image for posterity.

 

“and now…

 

The Smarktron screen goes white as the opening chord of 'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire crashes out over the arena. The screen darkens as it hits black the familiar slogan flashes up one word at a time in jagged white letters:

 

'PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG'

 

As the guitar riff starts the black screen shifts and becomes the top of a spiky-haired head that raises and stares out with piercing grey eyes before a lopsided grin creases the right-hand side of Toxxics face. The bass drum starts and clips of his matches flash up - the All-Show Brawl with the Insane Luchador, the infamous Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, dropping Nathaniel Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb and the Super Intoxxication that won him the World Title - before moving onto footage of Toxxic taking mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blast of red pyro that climb the entrance ramp before the final, stagewide eruption as the main riff starts-

 

*BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BOOOM!!*

 

-that signifies the arrival of the SWF's premier straight-edger! Toxxic strides through the smoke with Jet at his side and makes his way down to the ring as the fans boo the hell out of him.

 

“…Hailing from Nottingham, England… he weights in at 218 pounds…Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome the SWF Worlds heavyweight Champion…TOX-XIC!!!”

 

TOXXIC SUCKS

TOXXIC SUCKS

TOXXIC SUUUCCKKSS!!!!

 

Toxxic rolls into the ring and stands in the centre for a moment or two, then just as the first verse is about to begin he throws his arms wide, palms down, and each turnbuckle explodes with more red pyro!

 

*BAP-BAP*

 

*BOOOM!!*

 

'I never thought this could be me,

I guess you never do until it's happening to you

Like all the fun turns into shame

And all the 'could-have-beens' rearrange...'

 

Toxxic takes off his shirt and throws it to Jet who is standing outside the ring. He casts a wary eye on the ominous Carnage who is waiting menacingly in the center of the ring. The Straight Edge Sensation tilts his head to the left, then the right, then calmly back peddles to his corner of the ring.

 

Funyon quickly makes a bee line for the ropes as a SWF referee climbs into the ring and signals for the bell. In the stands thousands of flashbulbs pop in silent reaction as the Championship match is underway.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

No sooner had the bell been rung that Toxxic races across the ring towards Carnage with his right arm bent at the elbow. Toxxic eyes widen as Carnage predicts the Elbow smash attack and counters by grabbing Toxxic as he approaches, and hitting him with a punishing Side belly to belly suplex.

 

 

CRASH

 

“Citizen Toxxic is first to taste the mat!” Comet starts as Riley appears surprised at the counter.

 

“The crazy bastard got lucky” Riley responds as Carnage approaches the fallen Straight edger.

 

Carnage fires a series of sharp kicks to the kidney area of the champion. Toxxic quickly attempts to shake off the impact of the previous attack, but the look of agony is still fresh on his face. Carnage shows little remorse as he follows up with a knee drop to the face of the SWF Champion. Toxxic quickly brings his hand to his face, as Carnage gets to his feet. A trickle of blood begins to drip down the Champions cheek as a small cut opened up on bridge of the straight edgers’ nose.

 

“Citizen Carnage is making a statement in the early goings of this match” the Spandex Super Hero announces as a disheartened Robert Riley watches the action in the ring with an unmistakable look of angst on his face.

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that; anyone can look good for 30 seconds!”

 

Carnage reaches down and grabs the stunned Straight-edge sensations by the scruff of the neck. He effortlessly pulls him to his feet and clamps his massive right arm around the skull of the Champion. Toxxic struggles to free himself from the painful side headlock as Carnage tightens his grip of his opponents head. The SWF resident maniacs’ massive arms constrict mercilessly on Toxxics head as the champion desperately struggles to break free of the hold. A trace of a smile flashes under the mask of the huge challenger as Toxxic attempts to back suplex his tormenter. Carnage calmly moves his foot and locks it on Toxxics left leg to ruin that plan.

 

“It appears Citizen Toxxic might have underestimated his opponent!”

 

Riley fires a dirty look at Comet as he continues to watch the match with great interest.

 

“I wouldn’t be so fast to count The Hot Commodity out yet!” Riley barks as Carnage continues to crush Toxxics skull with the headlock. “This match is just getting started!

 

“I feel it is safe to say that this is a different Carnage than we have seen recently. He appears to have a strategy for this match”

 

Toxxic quickly fires a series of sharp punches to the lower side abdomen of the challenger. The Straight edge sensation lands several well aimed shots into Carnages’ lower rib cage. This serves to weaken the hold, allowing Toxxic to step in front of Carnage. The champion quickly reaches up and grabs the challenger by the head, then drop to his knees.

 

THUD!

 

Carnages skull crashes into the top of Toxxics head from the well executed Sit-out Jawbreaker.

 

 

BOOOOOO!!!!

 

“Tremendous counter by the Champion!” Riley gushes, as Comet is forced to nod in agreement. “I told you not to doubt Toxxic!”

 

Carnage reels back from the impact of the jawbreaker. He immediately grabs at his chin as he staggers in the ring. Toxxic takes full advantage of the situation and nails the monster with a flashy Leg Lauriat. Carnage is knocked back again, but continued to refuse to fall down. The champion finally sends Carnage to the mat with a missile drop kick to the heart.

 

“Welcome to my world, Arsehole!” Toxxic yells at his fallen adversary as he struggles to get to his feet. Any trace of a smile is long since gone from the face of Carnage as he manages to get to his knees. He is rewarded for his efforts with a stiff basement dropkick to the face courtesy of the Straight Edge Sensation. Once again Carnage hits the mat with a resounding thud.

 

“Sometimes it is hard” Riley states to Comet in a matter of fact tone.

 

“What?”

 

“Being right all time time!”

 

Toxxic pauses to catch his breathe as Carnage begins to get back to his feet. The straight edger takes a deep breath as he tries to plan a workable attack on the SWF resident maniac. Carnage is soon on his knees as Frisco heckles the champion from outside the ring. The familiar lopsided smile begins to form on the face of the champion, due in part because he knows Jazz is standing outside the ring and is more than capable of dealing with Frisco, and also to the fact that he is planning to…

 

 

CRASH!!

 

…hit Carnage with the Straight Edge the second he gets off the mat.

 

“Tremendous Neck breaker by the Champion!” Riley exclaims as Toxxic dives on Carnage and makes the cover. The straight edge sensation is careful to hook the leg as the referee leaps to the mat for the count…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TWO AND A HALF!

 

No! Carnage kicks out with authority!

 

A look of frustration flashes over Toxxics face as he glares at the referee. The count was not ridiculously slow, but it was clearly not as fast as the champion would have liked. Toxxic however doesn’t waste valuable time on the argument as he spots Carnage getting back to his feet. Once again the champion fires an impressive Leg Lauriat at the big man

 

WHIFF!

 

Carnage sidesteps the move, leaving Toxxic to land embarrassingly on the mat. Carnage immediately responds by grabbing his fallen opponent around the waist and pulling him to his feet. The Challenger then arches back and nails Toxxic with a punishing overhead German release suplex.

 

 

OH MY GOD!!

 

Toxxic is flung half way across the ring as he hits the mat with tremendous force. The crowd fall to near silence as Carnage rushes to the deflated straight edger and nails him with knee drop to the sternum. Toxxic recoils in pain as he grabs at his chest. He struggles to get to his feet, but the impact of the previous move clearly has taken its toll on the champion. Outside the ring a look of concern flashes across the face of Jazz as she begins to root on the leader of Revolution Zero.

 

COME ON TOXXIC!!

 

Carnage methodically approaches Toxxic and grabs his right arm. He forcefully wrenches it back as Toxxic howls in pain. The SWF Resident Maniac continues to torque the arm as Toxxic searches for a way to escape. As Carnage carefully works the arm he exposes the ribs of the champion. The challenger fires a brutal knee into Toxxics exposed rib cage that appears strident enough to have broken a few ribs in the process.

 

“Merciful Zeus” Comet exclaims as a look of grave concern is etched on the face of the champion. “Carnage drove that knee into Toxxic’s chest so hard it lifted him off the mat!”

 

Riley is speechless as he watches the action in the ring continue. The confident smirk that was on clear display at the start of the match has long since been wiped off his face.

 

Carnage releases the arm bar and quickly slips to the front of the Champion. As Toxxic struggles to get to his feet Carnage grabs him in a front face lock. He applies tremendous pressure on the hold, while forcing Toxxic away from the ropes at the same time. The champion desperately tries to force his way to the ropes as Carnage continues to attempt to wear Toxxic down. As the referee approaches to get a clearer look at the action Toxxic is able to get a foot on the ropes. The referee orders Carnage to break the hold, but his demands fall on unsympathetic ears. The referee quickly starts the count…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE !

 

FOUR!

 

 

Carnage hoists Toxxic into the air and arches his back…

 

SPLAT!!

 

…as he nails the straight edger with a thunderous “ganso” Tiger Driver.

 

 

“Oh My God!” exclaims Comet as Toxxic quivers in the ring.

 

“…”

 

Carnage drops to his knees and covers Toxxic as the referee leaps to the mat to make the count…

 

 

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

TWO AND A HALF!!

 

 

 

THR…No!!

 

 

Toxxic forces the referee to break the count!!

 

In a last possible second act of desperation, the Straight Edge sensation is able to get his leg on the ropes to break the count. A look of intense anger flashes over the face of the SWF resident Maniac. Carnage glares at the referee as he orders the challenger to break the hold. The monster furrows his brow in displeasure as he drags Toxxic into the ring.

Once again Carnage glares at the referee with a look of psychotic rage in his eyes. Outside the ring Frisco screams at Carnage to pin Toxxic. The distracted challenger continues to focus on the clearly intimidated referee, as he pulls Toxxic up to his feet…

 

CRUNCH!

 

Toxxic makes a desperation grab to Carnages skull and nails him with a face crusher. He immediately follows up with an even flow DDT as Carnage goes crashing to the mat.

 

“Citizen Carnage wasted too much time on the referee!” Riley yells as both wrestlers lie flat on the mat. “He should have been paying attention to Toxxic!”

 

Toxxic struggles to get to his feet. The pain from his potentially broken ribs is unbearable as he struggles to suck in air. The crowd screams reverberate in his ears as the straight edger forces himself to the ropes. Outside the ring Jazz continues to urge Toxxic to continue. A look of concern is on Frisco’s face as he urges Carnage to get off the mat and fight. The monster slowly begins to stir as Toxxic uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet.

 

LETS GO TOX-XIC!

LETS GO TOX-XIC!

LETS GO TOX-XIC!

 

Carnage finally gets to his knees as he turns his attention to Toxxic. The SWF Worlds Champion is nearly on his feet in his corner of the ring. The straight edger continues to tug desperately on the ropes to pull himself to a vertical base. Carnage, still on rubbery legs, heads to Toxxic to continue his attack. The Champion glances back at the approaching challenger just as he gets to his feet…

 

WHAP!

 

Toxxic hits Sweet Chin Music on the jaw of the challenger. Carnage stands still for a split second, before falling to the mat in a heap. The champion digs deep into his soul to find the strength to leap to the top turn buckle. The crowd quiets as he goes into the air and nails Carnage with the Inglorious Springboard leg drop.

 

CRASH!

 

This time it is Carnage who quivers on the mat as Toxxic hits him with a big more. The impact also appeared to hurt Toxxic as the champion grabs at his ribs and rolls on the mat in pain. Once again Jazz screams at Toxxic to make the cover. The straight edger glances across the ring to find Carnage still down in the corner. He crawls to the fallen behemoth and drapes himself over his opponent.

 

“This is going to be it!” Riley says with an air of confidence in his voice.

 

 

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

TWO AND A HALF!!

 

 

 

 

TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!

 

 

 

 

NO!!! Carnage gets a foot on the ropes!

 

As the referee taps Toxxic on the shoulder a wide smile flashes over his face. He grabs the ropes and struggles to his feet as he raises his arm in the air. Toxxic winces in pain as he elevates the limb over his head to celebrate victory. The smile quickly fades from the champions face as the referee reluctantly informs Toxxic that Carnage was able to get his foot on the bottom rope.

 

BOOOOO!!!

 

Across the ring Carnage once again begins to stir. The monster sits up and glares at his opponent as once again a look of concern flashes over the champions face. Toxxic glares back at Carnage as he mutters something under his breathe to the former hardcore gamer’s champion. The Straight Edger again seems to be grabbing at his ribs as he walks towards his now upright opponent. Carnage meets Toxxic half way as both men stand toe to toe in the center of the ring. Toxxic once again appears to be berating his oversized adversary in the ring. The Straight Edge sensation shows no signs of intimidation as he steps aggressively into Carnages interpersonal space. The challenger, who appears to be trying to shake off the effects of the earlier aerial assault by the champion, listens to what Toxxic is saying with a disinterested look in his eyes. Outside the ring both Frisco and Jet continue to cheer on their respective wrestlers.

 

 

“Unfortunately we are unable to pick up what Citizens Toxxic and Carnage are saying in the ring” Comet notes as Toxxic shoves Carnage with little effect.

 

“That’s probably a good thing, Comet” Riley responds with a hint of sarcasm in his raspy voice. “Otherwise we’d be fined by the FCC…I don’t think their sharing cookie recipes in there!”

 

 

Carnage fires a rigid knife edge across the upper chest of the straight edger. Toxxic quickly grimaces in pain as he is forced to take several steps back from the impact. The champion quickly recovers and responds with a forearm smash to the face of his adversary. Carnage is wobbled, then tilts his head to the left, then right, then follows up with another brutal knife edge that sends Toxxic to the mat hard.

 

“Holy Cow! That last chop was aimed directly at Citizen Toxxics injured ribs!” Comet blares as Carnage staggers across the ring to drops a hard elbow to the ribs of his fallen opponent. The champion sagely rolls out of the path of the monster as Carnage lands hard on his right shoulder.

 

“The challenger is looking a little clumsy in their tonight!” Riley deadpans as Carnage gets to his knees. Toxxic quickly measures the big man up and fires a well aimed basement drop kick to the head of his opponent. The SWF resident psychopath rolls to his back as he grabs his head in pain. This provides the champion with a perfect opportunity to make lethal use of the nearby ropes. Toxxic dives in the air and springboards off the top rope with an impressive Lion Sault. He quickly hooks Carnages leg as the referee moves in to make the count.

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

No! Carnage kicks out!

 

“Now were cooking!” Riley gushes as Toxxic gets to his feet and once again measures Carnage for an attack. “Toxxic was just playing around earlier, now he’s serious!”

 

“I can’t help but think Citizen Toxxic has underestimated his opponent in this match!” The Spandex Super hero interjects as Toxxic fires a well aimed toe kick to the ribs of the challenger. Carnage gasps for breathe, as this time the challenger is holding his ribs in pain.

 

“I think Citizen Carnage perhaps learned from his mistakes in his previous match with Sacred.” He continues. “He is fighting a very different match here tonight!”

 

Toxxic waits patiently as Carnage struggles to get to a vertical base. The straight edger quickly catches the challenger in a well executed small package. Once again the referee dives to the mat to make the count.

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

 

TH…No! Carnage kicks out!

 

 

“Another close call!” Comet exclaims as Riley pauses to take a sip of his soda.

 

“It’s academic…Toxxic will be declared the winner soon enough!” Riley states dismissively. “Nice effort by Carnage, but in the end Toxxic is still the greatest wrestler in the game today, and Carnage is still…well…Carnage!”

 

A look of frustration once again shows on the face of the straight edger. The smile has long since left his face and has been replaced by a perpetual scowl and a well furrowed brow. The champion takes a few steps back as Carnage again struggles to get to his feet. This time he is rewarded for his efforts with a quick DDT by the champion. Toxxic again goes for a cover on the fallen maniac.

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!

 

 

No! Carnage again kicks out!

 

 

Toxxic slams the mat in anger as victory once again is elusive.

 

 

“I’ll admit that Carnage is providing Toxxic with a nice work out tonight” Riley states confidently. “It’s obvious Frisco’s influence has helped him out a lot. But still…”

 

“It’s still too early to celebrate victory yet!” Comet interjects as Carnage crawls to the ropes for a breather. The straight edger calmly follows his weakened opponent as the smirk begins to reform on his face.

 

Carnage grabs the ropes and pulls himself to his feet. As he turns his back to Toxxic in order to grab the ropes, the champion quickly slips behind him and catches Carnage with a cradle. The referee again starts the count…

 

 

ONE!!

 

TWO!!

 

No! Carnage again kicks out!

 

 

LETS GO TOX-XIC!!

LETS GO TOX-XIC!!

 

 

Carnage rises to his feet as Toxxic patiently watches from four feet away. As Carnage gets to a vertical base Toxxic fires a Leg Lauriat at the monster. The Madman falls back into the ropes as the Lauriat connects with his chest. The Champion hurries to his feet as his staggered opponent begins to regroup. The challenger shakes off the Lauriat and moves towards Toxxic with a wild look in his eyes. The champion fires a series of European uppercuts to the challenger as again Carnage wobbles, but like the mighty Webble, will not go down.

 

Toxxic charges at Carnage with an elbow smash. The challenger counters by latching onto the champions’ waist and nailing him with a thunderous Spine Buster. The champions’ eyes squint in shock as the pain surges through his body. Carnage follows the Spine buster up with a punishing clothesline that sends Toxxic crumbling to the mat in agony. Outside the ring a look of real concern is etched on the face of Jet as she watches Carnage retake the initiative.

 

“Citizen Carnage is refusing to just roll over for the champion!” Comet understates as Toxxic struggles to get to his feet. “He has clearly come to the match with a game plan and right now he has the champion reeling!!”

 

As Toxxic gets to a vertical base Carnage clamps an agonizing Bear hug on the straight edge sensation. The challenger digs his head hard into the shoulder of his opponent as he tightens his grip with incredible force. Toxxic squeals in pain as the face of the champion is a mask of pain. Toxxic fires a series of wild punches to the head of the challenger, but they seem to have little, if any, effect.

 

“This is where the size advantage really benefits Carnage” Comet states as he once again proves to be an astute observer of the obvious. “Carnage is much bigger than Toxxic!”

 

“Thanks…I hadn’t noticed!” quips a concerned Robert Riley.

 

Toxxics’ eyes appear to gloss over as he struggles to escape the submission hold. Carnage continues to constrict his arms in response to Toxxics breathing. As Toxxic sucks in the air Carnage tightens his grip in an effort to cut off the precious air supply to the SWF Worlds champion. Toxxic balls his fist and pounds on the head and shoulder area of the challenger, but again the attack appears futile.

 

“Come on Toxxic!” Riley mutters under his breath as the referee moves in to get a closer look at the action. The champions' arms slowly fall limply to his sides as Toxxic appears lifeless in Carnages grasp. The referee asks Toxxic if he wishes to concede, but the straight edger does not offer a response. The referee grabs the right arm of the champion and raises it in the air. As he released it, it falls lifelessly to Toxxics side.

 

ONE!!

 

“No! It can’t end like this!” Riley blurts anxiously.

 

The referee once again grabs the limp arm of the English Icon and raises it into the air. It immediately falls back to his side once released.

 

TWO!!

 

LETS GO TOX-XIC!!

LET’S GO TOX-XIC!!

 

The referee makes a final grab at the arm of the straight edger. He holds it high in the air as the crowd falls to near silence. The referee releases the arm and it begins to fall down. This time Toxxic stops the descent at mid point, and begins to fight back. Carnage quickly shifts tactics as he pulls Toxxic up and arches his back…

 

CRASH!!!

 

Toxxic sails across the ring as Carnage nails him with an Overhead Suplex. The SWF worlds champion bounces hard off the mat as Carnage immediately turns to face the deflated superstar.

 

 

“Holy Cow, Batman!” Comet blurts as Carnage measures the fallen straight edger.

 

“Quit calling me Batman!” A clearly frustrated Riley spits as he watches the champion struggle to will himself off the mat and to his feet. Carnage waits patiently across the ring as Toxxic is finally able to get to a vertical base. The straight edger then staggers to the corner turn buckle.

 

Carnage silently drops to a three point stance as Toxxic falls against the corner ring post.

The eyes of the champion appear glazed as he look for Jet outside the ring. Carnage darts at the straight edger and fires a gut wrenching spear at his weakened adversary…

 

 

KA-BLAAAAMM!!

 

At the last possible second Toxxic moves out of the path of the charging monster. Carnage crashes shoulder first into the ring post. He grabs at his right shoulder as Toxxic expends every last ounce of energy he has left to launch a desperation move on the staggered challenger. He fires a Hurricanrana at Carnage and shifts it into a victory roll…

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!!

 

 

 

TWO AND A HALF!!!

 

 

 

TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!

 

 

 

No! Carnage again kicks out!!

 

 

 

YEEEAAAHHHHH!!!

 

 

“Dammit!” Riley screams as Toxxic slams his fist into the mat in clear frustration. He rises to his feet as Carnage staggers to his. As Carnage gets up Toxxic leaps into the air

with a somewhat sloppy attempt at the Straight-Edge Neck breaker.

 

Carnage pushes Toxxic away before he can execute the move. The champion turns to face his opponent but is met with a powerful boot to the face. The straight edge sensation collapses to the mat as Carnage moves in for the kill.

 

“Citizen Carnage has once again dropped the champion!” Comet yells as the crowd rises to their feet.

 

 

TOXXIC SUCKS

 

TOXXIC SUCKS

 

TOXXIC SUUUUCCCKKSS!!!

 

 

Carnage pulls the SWF Champion to his feet as a look of panic is visible on Toxxics face. The challenger pauses for a moment, and then runs his finger across his throat as he signals the end is near for the Champion. He shoves Toxxics head down and grabs the champion by the waist. The crowd again goes quiet as Carnage hoists Toxxic into the air for a familiar move…

 

NO!!!

 

Toxxic recognizes the unmistakable set up for the Tombstone Pile driver. He pushes away as he is being raised into the air and climbs down Carnages back. A look of confusion flashes over the face of the SWF resident Psychopath as Toxxic gets behind him. The champion quickly cradles the stunned challenger as the referee is in perfect position to make the count…

 

 

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

“He’s got him!” Riley screams!

 

 

 

THR…No!

 

 

Carnage again kicks out!

 

 

“Dammit!!”

 

Carnage shoots to his feet and hits Toxxic with a brutal Mongolian chop. Toxxic recoils in pain as Carnage follows up with an absolutely blistering knife edge across the champions’ upper chest. This staggers Toxxic who finds himself on rubber legs in front of his potentially insane challenger.

 

 

BOOM!!

 

 

Carnage fires a rigid kick to the lower abdomen of the champion, forcing Toxxic to double over in pain. As Toxxic is bent Carnage snaps on a front face lock and arches back…

 

CCCRASHHH!!

 

Carnage hoists Toxxic into the air and nails him with a Gut Wrench Power bomb!

 

 

“No!” Riley again screams as the sold out Madison Square Garden get to their feet.

 

 

FREAK!!

 

FREAK!!

 

FREEEAAAKKK!!!

 

Again Carnage waits patiently as Toxxic struggles to his feet. The SWF Resident Psychopath calmly measures the champion from the distance; the glassed over look in the eyes of the Straight Edge Sensation are unmistakable as Toxxic makes a valiant effort to get to his feet. Carnage runs to him and quickly hoists the champion into the air…

 

 

 

KA-BLAAAAMMM!!!

 

 

“Oh My Fucking God!” Riley screams as Carnage nails Toxxic with a lethal Demonstar Driver. The crowd in the garden goes wild as Carnage wraps up Toxxic. The referee dives to the mat for the count as Riley stares on in disbelief…

 

“Shades of Kibagami” Comet exclaims as the referees’ hand hits the mat…

 

 

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!!!!!

 

 

 

 

TWO AND A HALF!!!!

 

 

 

TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!!!

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!

 

As the referees hand hits the mat for the final count a look of disbelief flashes over the face of Jet. Frisco leaps in the air pumping his fist as the referee signals for the bell, which is barely audible over the roaring of the crowd.

 

 

 

DING!! DING!! DING!!

 

 

 

“Tremendous victory by Citizen Carnage” Comet blares as Riley sits in stunned silence by his side. Outside the ring Candace hurries over and hugs Frisco as they celebrate the upset. Jet stares on in disbelief as Toxxic lie motionless in the ring. The SWF Resident Psychopath glares down at his fallen adversary as the referee raises his hand in the air.

Funyon quietly slips into the ring and goes for the microphone.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen…the time of the match 32 minutes and 19 seconds…the winner…and NEW SWF WORLDS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…

 

 

CAAARRRNNNAGGGEEE!!!”

 

 

Frisco and Candace both approach the new champion as the referee turns his attention to the fallen former champion. They both get to a side of Carnage and raise his arms high in the air as thousands of flashbulbs flicker in the stands. The time keeper calmly approaches Carnage and hands him the SWF Worlds Heavyweight

Championship title belt. Carnage stares at the belt with a blank expression on his face.

 

 

“Good Lord! how can this guy be the SWF Champion!” Riley bristles in denial. “He doesn’t even know what Planet he’s on!”

 

Carnage holds the belt in his hand and walks to the corner turn buckle. He climbs to the top rope and holds the belt high in the air as the fans in the arena shower him with cheers.

As the new Champion celebrates his victory SWF Smarkdown goes off the air.

[Guest The Satanic Angel]

Just one question ... did you ask Kibagami if you could use the Demonstar?

[Guest carnage]

No. The Demonstar driver is not Carnages finisher. It's just one of those rare moves your character never uses they might pull out in a match of this magnitude. I'm not implying its Carnages original new finishing move as its not. Its not a move he's ever done or before any in all likelyhood will ever use again. I actually got the idea from a thread "How not to suck in the SWF" which advised people to use certain moves (which the Demonstar driver was among) as finisher. I did give an off-hand credit him when I had Comet yell "Shades of Kibagami" in short acknowledging its his move.

[Ace309 0]

I'd suggest you didn't quite grasp what was written in the thread. I read through it again and I'm not quite sure where you got it from.

 

Also, if you're going to steal someone's finisher, treat it with some respect. Kibagami got the Demonstar over because it was deadly, but also because it was so god damn well-written. You... treated it in about 20 words.

 

The match itself had several weak points. The most glaring is that you obviously didn't edit the match at all... it's peppered with misspellings, your cadence is bizarre and you refer to Jet as "Jazz" on several occasions. The cadence thing aside, these just make your match look sloppy. When your writing skills are widely disparate from your opponent's, as they are in this case (and I hope you're aware of that and realize that I'm not just taking a potshot), you need to spend extra time mitigating things that make you look bad. You obviously didn't in this case.

 

As far as cadence goes, you have to remember that writing is like talking, only less committed. Some of your sentences seem to employ weird or choppy structures that may be intentional (attempts at being poetic) or may just be the result of typing and not thinking about what you're writing. That's okay - we all do it - but it's very, very important to go back and look at some of it. The easiest way to see whether something flows is just to read it out loud (or imagine yourself saying it). If it sounds bad, well, it probably is.

 

The psychology was spotty. It didn't seem to develop anything, but rather felt a lot like "Here's some offense, here's Toxxic on offense, but wait, here's more Carnage offense." Read the post on psychology that Dace linked to. It describes in detail a lot of things that you can add to matches that not only help your match seem more coherent but will help anchor you to a specific story within the match.

[Dace59 0]

*Sees his name and lets his ego swell* Hmm, if you're lucky I might look through this one. Give me something to kick start my wrestling brain again.

[Dace59 0]

Ok, jumping straight in at a two and a half from something that wasn't even a surprise move is a bad idea. Leaves you with nowhere left to build as the match goes on and really hurts later close falls.

 

I definatly agree with the psychology comment, the transistions and sharp and simple, this guy, counter that guy that can seem to stop a flow dead as well.

 

The use of the Demon Star...well, yer not a good thing really. It wasn't really needed for a start, as you could just have follwed all the rib/body work for the win which would have made more sense.

[Guest carnage]

I agree the match needs some polish for sure. As for the Demonstar i'll take a stab and end up looking like a complete ass but I don't really know a whole hell of a lot about it. I primarily used it because I was going through the archives and...if memory serves me right Toxxic lost in a match to that particular move which is why I decided to throw it in, and also why I was so vague on its set up. I know how to describe in detail the Tombstone,absolutely not the case with the Demonstar.

I'll give Toxxic all the credit in the world as he is a hell of a writer. I'm still refining my stuff. (the masterpeice remark was said as a joke BTW)

For some reason I kept refering to Jet as JAzz. I checked through it and corrected it a few times but I was running late (as usual) in getting the match done and didn't re-read it as much as I should have. having read Toxxics stuff I doubt it would have mattered because he's pretty tough and is at the top of his game now.

[Chuck Woolery 0]

Yeah, even with a different ending I think you'd find it mighty difficult to beat Toxxic.

 

Honestly, Carnage, the problem with your match isn't the wrestling and such, because that's very solid. Your biggest weakness, from what I can see, is staying true to character. You have Toxx lash out with an elbow strike in the first minute, something which I've never seen Toxxic do, especially in a match against a bigger guy, he doesn't exactly have room for fuck-ups, and an elbow strike that early is just begging to get fucked up. There's several sequences like this in your match, but that's the one that keeps sticking in my mind.

 

Your other problem is that you don't craft a story in your match. I actually think that you could've built the aforementioned spot into a very good internal storyline, with Carnage wrestling very defensively and near-perfect, taking advantage of Toxxic's tiny mistakes. Instead we got, as Tom or Dace said, "Here's Carnage offence... now Toxxic... now Carnage again." A lot of guys have problems with internal storylines, and someone who can pull them off well -- and there's no better example than Toxxic of that -- will have a lot of success in this fed.

[Toxxic 0]

The Demonstar - think a totally unprotected, sheer-drop sit-out Tiger Driver '91. It breaks necks. And yes, I lost a match to that move courtesy of Big K (a non neck-breaking one).

 

Generally you should ask other people before using their finishers. It was a nice idea, but if you don't know a move and it's history in this fed... don't use it. The Demonstar Driver is THE move, the most feared thing EVER. Imagine the shock and expectation of Lesnar using the Shooting Star Press, cross it with the 'instant death' sell of the Tombstone when Undertaker was in his biker gimmick and only using it rarely, then times everything by ten. The crowd like to see Kibagami use it (when he's a face), partly for the thrill of seeing if the other guy can walk away. And that is it, it's not a case of will you kick out, it's a case of will you walk away afterwards.

[Guest carnage]

I definately need to work on the story aspect of the match. One of the things I took to heart was something thatg The Superstar said in his post when he was leaving the fed. He talked about how he always tried to tell a story in his matches. Unfortunately all i've been able to manage thus far is crib notes. I know thats a definate weakness of mine and something to build on.

The opening of the match...the foolish elbow smash...was actually something I got the idea from from the Flesher/Toxxic match (one of them abnyway). There was a match when Toxxic charged Flesher with a clothesline the second the bell rang. I originally wrote he tried the same thing but Toxxic had in his post that he knows better than to go for a clothesline on larger opponents so I changed it to a elbow smash. (Not a hell of a lot of difference)

But I appreciate the ideas because for me it's stil a trial and error thing. I've always found the one reason this is the best eFed going is the level of actual writing skill here. I've been in several feds and no one writes even close to this. Most matches in those feds are 500 words tops and they are poorly written. I come here to get better at it and this is a great fed to learn a lot in.

[Dace59 0]

If you where having a jump from the bell, Toxxic probably would have gone in with his scoccer tackle and taken Carange off his feet, given Toxxic breathing room and upping his speed advantage.

[Toxxic 0]

*breaks his shins on the big lug's legs*

 

Nah, Carnage would have to be moving for Toxxic to take him down with a soccer tackle. I don't know... spinning heelkick, maybe.

[Ace309 0]

Upon further review, I find the title of the thread quite amusing.

 

That is all.