I'm gonna tell you a story

[BUTT 0]

And it goes, and it goes

And it goes a little something like this

 

Hit It!

Kreese is in the house

Come on

Get up get up

I wanna make it bounce

Here we go

Kreese is in the house

Get up get up

Kreese is in the house

 

Yo guys, check it out

Guess what happened to me

(Another crazy story, come on Sensei)

I was hanging at the court

Just playing some ball

Working on my game

(Yeah, we heard it all)

I heard the fans screaming

I thought it was for me

 

But then I saw a shadow

It was 12 foot 3

It was Shaquile O'Neal

(What? What did he say?)

(How 'bout some one-on-one, do you wanna play?)

I told him why not, I got some time

But when I beat you real bad

Try not to cry

 

(Please Kreese, are you for real?)

(One-on-one with Shaquile O'Neal?)

Yeah, 34 Centre from the L.A. Lakers

(You must've been nervous)

I knew I could take him

Stared' at Shaq, psyche him out

I said O'Neal, you're in my house now

Start the game the whistle blows

Pay attention close 'cause the story goes...

 

It's like boom (boom)

I put it in the hoop

Like slam (slam)

I heard the crowd screaming

out jam (jam)

I swear that I'm telling you the facts

Cuz that's how I beat Shaq

 

So check it out

I thought I had the lead

But then he started scoring mad points on me

I was scorin' the bricks

Was he hitting those shots?

I knew that there was a way that I could make it stop

 

I had a plan, that I could change the pace

I said, Yo Shaq you didn't tie your shoelace

He looked down, I stole the ball

I'm taking him to school now, watch me all

A 3-pointer, nothing but net

Come on Shaq, had enough yet?

Down by two, I'm catching up

I guess your getting nervous

Cuz you already lost

 

Dunk after dunk

Jam after jam

Cheerleaders are cheering

Kreese is the man

 

Announcers were shocked

Couldn't believe it was real

(I can't believe a kid just stuffed O'Neal)

One more second, was all that remained

I put the ball up

I put him in shame

I must admit that it sounds real crazy

but the ball went in

Then he cried like a baby

Sorry Shaq, I should've let you win

You're good too

And we can still be friends

 

The fans went nuts

They put me on their shoulders

Then I heard a voice

And it sounded like my mother's

 

(Get up for school, you're gonna be late!)

Ma, can't you see that I'm playing the game?

(How you could be playing if you're still in bed?)

(Are you gettin' sick, did you hit your head?)

Aw, man it was all a dream

I guess that kinda thing could never happen to me

 

If it was a dream and it wasn't real

 

How'd I get a jersey with the name O'Neal?

Woah...

[1234-5678 0]

I'm gonna tell you a story,

about the house-man blues

I come home one Friday,

had to tell the landlady I'd-a lost my job

She said that don't confront me,

long as I get my money next Friday

Now next Friday come I didn't get the rent,

and out the door I went

 

So I goes to the landlady,

I said, You let me slide?

I'll have the rent for you tomorrow.

the next day I don't know

So said let me slide it on you know people,

I notice when I come home in the evening

She ain't got nothing nice to say to me,

but for five year she was so nice

Loh' she was lovy-dovy,

I come home one particular evening

The landlady said, You got the rent money yet? ,

I said, No, can't find no job

Therefore I ain't got no money to pay the rent

She said I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job

Said I seen you today you was standin' on a corner,

leaning up against a post

I said But I'm tired, I've been walkin' all day

She said That don't confront me,

long as I get my money next Friday

Now next Friday come I didn't have the rent,

and out the door I went

 

So I go down the streets,

down to my good friend's house

I said Look man I'm outdoors you know,

can I stay with you maybe a couple days?

He said Uh, Let me go and ask my wife

He come out of the house,

I could see in his face

I know that was no

He said I don't know man, ah she kinda funny, you know

I said I know, everybody funny, now you funny too

So I go back home

I tell the landlady I got a job, I'm gonna pay the rent

She said Yeah? I said Oh yeah

And then she was so nice,

loh' she was lovy-dovy

So I go in my room, pack up my things and I go,

I slip on out the back door and down the streets I go

She a-hollerin' about the front rent, she'll be lucky to get any back rent,

she ain't gonna get none of it

So I stop in the local bar you know people,

I go to the bar, I ring my coat, I call the bartender

Said Look man, come down here , he got down there

So what you want?

 

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when,

I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin

Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose,

need me a triple shot of that juice

Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear

I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

 

But I'm sitting now at the bar,

I'm getting drunk, I'm feelin' mellow

I'm drinkin' bourbon, I'm drinkin' scotch, I'm drinkin' beer

Looked down the bar, here come the bartender

I said Look man, come down here

So what you want?

 

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

No I ain't seen my baby since the night before last,

gotta get a drink man I'm gonna get gassed

Gonna get high man I ain't had enough,

need me a triple shot of that stuff

Gonna get drunk won't you listen right here,

I want one bourbon, one shot and one beer

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

 

Now by this time I'm plenty high,

you know when your mouth a-getting dry you're plenty high

Looked down the bar I say to my bartender

I said Look man, come down here , he got down there

So what you want this time?

I said Look man, a-what time is it?

He said The clock on the wall say three o'clock

Last call for alcohol, so what you need?

 

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

No I ain't seen my baby since a nigh' and a week,

gotta get drunk man so I can't even speak

Gonna get high man listen to me,

one drink ain't enough Jack you better make it three

I wanna get drunk I'm gonna make it real clear,

I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

[Guest cosbywasmurdered]

George Thourgood (SP?) rocks.

[Dr. Tom 0]

The John Lee Hooker original is a LOT different.

[BUTT 0]

It's quite unfortunate that you "Smart Marks" have no respect for the fine lyrics of Mr. Aaron Carter.