4/4 SWF Smarkdown HOLT Report

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

SWF Smarkdown HOLT report

April 4, 2005

Billings, Montana, at Metrapark Arena

Report by Raymond Robertson of Billings, Montana, Smartmarks.com reader

 

Dark Match:

 

- English Dragon beat Blank with a Dragon Suplex.

 

Joker’s Wild Tapings:

 

- Stryke beat Uncle Filthy in 3:00 with the Low End Theory.

 

- A highlights package from Lockdown was aired, showing the Finals of the SWF Belt Tournament. Bobby Riley then caught up with Jay Hawke right after the match for a Joker’s Wild exclusive interview. Hawke blamed office politics for making him have to put his first title on the line immediately after he won it, pointing out that Pretzler went several weeks after winning the Cruiserweight Title before he had to defend it, and implying that Pretzler had been “anointed” by the powers that be.

 

- Ebony and Chance Silver beat John Duran in 8:25 in a handicap match, when Ebony nailed Duran with the Man is Obsolete splash. Afterwards, Silver tried to shake Ebony’s hand, but she caught him in the Eboniser, and left him holding his own gonads in the ring.

 

- Jamie Drazon and Perfect Bo beat Brian Levy and Tokyo-X 4:41, when Bo made Tokyo-X submit to Perfect Pain.

 

- Dace Night beat Martin Hunt in 6:09 with the Defenestration.

 

- The second highlights package showed the main event of Lockdown, featuring Pretzler’s submission victory over Wildchild. They then showed a graphic that indicated that Cyclone Comet would have an exclusive interview for Joker’s Wild with the winner of the Cruiserweight Title match on Smarkdown.

 

- Landon Maddix made Austin Sly submit to the Land of Nod in 11:58.

 

 

Smarkdown:

 

- I don’t like Toxxic trying to get in Johnny’s head like that; Wild and Dangerous have enough drama between them, without Toxxic trying to split them up.

 

- Manson tore up the ringside area after his match, and had to be escorted away from the ring by security; I’m guessing that he wasn’t happy about losing to a rookie.

 

- I’m still not sold on Ejiro trying to change his ways, but it was definitely surprising to see him drop the chain. That Dragon Whip to get the win was sweet.

 

- Well, I guess that’s what being cocky gets you; Spike had nothing to gain and everything to lose when he accepted Mak’s challenge for a rematch, and now he’s lost the Number One Contendership.

 

- Helluva Cruiserweight match! Pretzler fought with everything he had, and showed that he’s the real deal, but Wildchild showed why he’s the cream of the Cruiserweight division. Awesome match!

 

- Mak Francis snuck up behind Toxxic as he was celebrating on the ramp, and Toxxic nearly fell down when he turned around and saw Mak in his face! Mak helped him up, though and walked on down to ringside, inviting Toxxic to join him. Mak offered him a beer, which, of course, Toxxic refused. Mak then said that he’d heard that Toxxic had a great singing voice, and goaded Toxxic into singing a song. They sang “Back in Black” together.

 

Then Jet came down and the three of them sang “Help” by The Beatles, with Jet doing a great job of singing the vocals. The crowd ate it up; Toxxic showed way more personality than I thought he was capable of. Just as they started into a rendition of “Hey Jude,” however, Mak nailed Toxxic with a Yakuza Kick! The fans went crazy as Mak threw Toxxic into the ropes before hitting The Truth Hurts. He then gave the sign for the Franchise Tag, but Jet pulled Toxxic out of the ring. Mak posed in the ring for a few minutes afterwards before finally leaving, and then Funyon got into the ring to thank everyone for coming out.

 

Biggest Pops

1) Mak Francis

2) Wildchild

3) Todd Cortez

4) Spike Jenkins

5) Ejiro Fasaki

 

Most Heat

1) Toxxic

2) Scott Pretzler

3) Jay Hawke

4) Manson

5) Li’l Buck

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

I wonder how Buck got fif on the heat list even though he didn't really do anything heelish or faceish for that matter.

 

Crazy Montanaians.

[Golgo 13 0]

- Manson tore up the ringside area after his match, and had to be escorted away from the ring by security; I’m guessing that he wasn’t happy about losing to a rookie.

 

Hey, it's not like it hasn't happened a bunch of times before.

[JHawk 0]

- Manson tore up the ringside area after his match, and had to be escorted away from the ring by security; I’m guessing that he wasn’t happy about losing to a rookie.

 

Hey, it's not like it hasn't happened a bunch of times before.

In the last month. Repeatedly. To guys that no-showed every other match they were booked in.

 

I'm just playing.

[Toxxic 0]

OK Dub-Cee. You made me sing The Beatles. Even if it was off-camera, you have NO IDEA what unholy punishments I will smite thee with now.

 

And if the thing about me trying to split you and Johnny up wasn't just in character, in my defence I'd like to point out that I was a) trying out a new promo style (which I will explain next show) and b) I gave it to Johnny and told him to edit it as he saw fit, or even ignore it completely if he wanted.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

It was in character; the HOLT Report is always in character. EDIT - And by "in character," I mean the mark writing the report.

 

And, as a heads up to any new guys, I initially began writing these to advance a storyline that set up the main event at A2A '03. So, I'm all about pumping up any angles you want to develop in here; just send me a PM if there's anything you want me to put in the HOLT, and it'll get in.

Edited April 6, 2005 by Mr. S£im Citrus

[Cuban Linx 0]

The Stryke dark match winning streak continues, up to three. Good work as always.

[TheBostonStrangler 0]

Strangler = the king of the HOLT report, despite the fact that I'm never in it and I'm not actually the king. However, if you will refer to my signature, you will notice that I am indeed the man. That's right.

 

...you know you're hitting new lows when you look at something you're about to post and think "God, this is a waste of the internet's time"