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Toshiaki Koala

Losing Matches Thread

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Despite the crushing pressure of the AP exams, I somehow managed to craft a ***** classic and possibly the best match in SWF history... and somehow, it lost! I don't know what the mods are smoking, but please hook me up - this epic speaks for itself, and it speaks volumes.

 

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“Ladies and gentlemen… the following match is the Brawl-O is San Paolo! In this match, the ring will be removed from the field, and pinfalls, knockouts, or submissions will count anywhere!”

 

The ring is indeed nowhere to be found. Suddenly, Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony plays and Scott Pretzler emerges to a chorus of boos.

 

“Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing two hundred twenty-six pounds… SCOTT PRETZLER!”

 

He strolls out uncomfortably into the middle of the field. This is not what he is accustomed to.

 

“And his opponent, from Hollywood, California, weighing two hundred twenty-five pounds… ‘HOLLYWOOD’ SPIKE JENKINS!”

 

Spike appears in the entryway accompanied by the crashing guitars of Lamb of God’s “Black Label.” He pauses and drops to one knee, raising one arm into the air, before standing and crossing both over his head in an ‘X’ to symbolize his straight-edge lifestyle. He proceeds down the ramp and stands facing Pretzler.

 

*DING DING DING!*

 

As Spike advances toward Pretzler, his foot comes into contact with a banana peel that had been sandwiched under the ring. Despite the fact that it has rotted, the peel has lost none of its slippery-ness, and Spike is quickly thrown into the air as it slides out from under him.

 

WHAM!

 

He flips over halfway and lands flat on his head. Knocked out instantly. Pretzler covers.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

*DING DING DING!*

 

“Here is your winner… SCOTT PRETZLER!”

 

Victory is sweet. In this case, it is fruity.

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Revolution Zero has lost nothing in terms of its work-ethic since the departure of Spike and Sarah, I see. ;)

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