PROMO: Stealing the Crown, part 1

[Guest bennerisbetter]

“Ghost, what the fuck you waiting for?” JL Crunk turns around to find his friend Ghost Machine 15 feet behind him.

 

“You said you wanted this, man. And you deserve it. So getcho ass movin’!” Ghost Machine quickly shakes his head.

 

“Come ON, you big pussy.” Ghost reluctantly nods and trudges down the hallway of the Stockholm Globe Arena behind JL.

 

He adjusts his tie, which was haphazardly thrown over a basketball jersey. “So remember, play it cool, and act like you DESERVE it.” Ghost nods.

 

“The thing with these muthafuckas, you can’t be intimidated. They LOVE that shit. It’s all about self-confidence, nigga. Just walk up in there, go straight to his desk and say…well, I guess I’ll say it.” Ghost nods again.

 

“All you have to do is act like you the tightest mu’fucka around. Just stand there, lookin’ scary and stuff. But not TOO scary, else he ain’t gonna listen. He’ll get scared and shit.”

 

They continue walking, now in silence. “’Ight, here we are.” JL Crunk walks right up to the door. There is a sign crudely taped to it that simply says TOM FLESHER. JL takes a deep breath, exhales, and knocks.

 

“Come in.”

 

JL strides confidently inside. “How are you on this fine day, Mr. Flesher?”

 

“Well…I’m okay. What can I do for you, JL?”

 

“Actually, this is about my friend Ghost Machine.” He gestures backwards, and Tom raises his eyebrows expectantly.

 

“Ghost Machine?” He turns around and sees no one. “What…Ghost!!! Where you at?!” He rushes out of the office and spins wildly, searching for Ghost Machine. He finally finds him, sulking right outside Flesher’s office, next to the door.

 

“Ghost, man, what the fuck happened, man, I mean, I thought we was gonna do this…”

 

Ghost shakes his head, nervous again. “Come on, Ghost, I mean, this could really help your career…come on, man…” Ghost relents and nods, and they enter Flesher’s office.

 

“Heh…um…he was….uh….taking a shit.” JL immediately cringes at his excuse.

 

“Huh. I see….so…what was it you wanted?”

 

“Oh. Heh. Right. Huh. Well, see, my friend, um, Ghost Machine, well, see, I, I mean he, no, I mean we, well we, and he, we think he deserves another shot at the, um, SWF World Championship. Yeah.”

 

Flesher laughs. “Oh come on. You know I can’t do that.”

 

“Why the fu-I mean, why not?”

 

“Look, let’s be realistic. Ghost Machine, you’ve had three matches here at the SWF, correct? Wait, no, four, counting your title match” Ghost nods. “And you’ve won three. That’s pretty good. But, I mean, you’ve had your shot. And you blew it. Well, I guess that’s unfair. Ejiro is more experienced…but still. Now you have to earn a shot if you want it again. Work your way up.”

 

JL suppresses his anger. “Well, Mr. Flesher, I can tell you have made some excellent points. However, when I was browsing the card for Wednesday’s show, and I see that Ejiro does not have an opponent scheduled. So, I mean, shouldn’t a champion defend his crown? Just between yourself and I,” JL lowers his voice to a whisper, “Ejiro isn’t that good, you know what I’m sayin? I mean, see this muthaf- um, Ghost Machine. He been out there every night, bustin’ his ass. I think I can say that fame and fortune have softened Ejiro up.”

 

“Well that’s a rather stupid thing to say, especially considering this great champion Ghost Machine was soundly defeated by Ejiro,” Tom says indignantly. “And not to mention the referee…”

 

“Let’s just forget that ever happened.”

 

“Okay. But still. Here’s the bottom line. No, Ghost may not have a title shot. Ejiro has bigger fish to fry, though he isn’t frying any on Wednesday. You have a long way to go before you get another title shot. I don’t know how to say this, but…you’re just not in Ejiro’s league, see what I mean? He’s world champ. Main event material. Now why don’t you go prepare for your tag match against Mason and Griffon. Randy can’t do it by himself.” Flesher chuckled.

 

“But…but…that’s not fair…Ejiro cheated in that match…”

 

“Please JL, I’m sorry. Ghost Machine has had his shot, and to tell you the truth, he didn’t really deserve it. Don’t you understand? He just…he doesn’t matter, you know? If I were you, I would be thanking me, not berating me and wasting my time!”

 

JL refuses to give up. “Come on, nigga! Just one shot! That’s all I ax! He can wrestle his other match too, just please, man, come on-”

 

Flesher stands up in a rage. “I’ve tried to be polite, I’ve tried to be kind, but I’ve lost my patience, get it? Now get the hell out of my office before I call security!”

 

JL’s eyes ignite. “You mutha-fucka!” He dives over the desk at Flesher. Office supplies and coffee mugs crash to the ground as the two men collide. Ghost Machine runs over from the corner to help Tom, but when he arrives JL is hopelessly locked into the Superior Stretch!

 

“AHHH!!! You mu’fucka! Imma’ sue yo ass! AAAAAAHHHH!!! DAMN!” He taps.

 

Flesher releases the hold, furious. “You asshole! Get the fuck out of here! And you, Ghost Machine, good luck getting a title shot! You cocksuckers! Beat it!”

 

JL leaps towards Flesher again but Ghost catches him. He slings the thrashing rapper over his shoulder and leaves the room.

 

“MUTHAFUCKA! I’m comin’ fo you, nigga! Watch yo self! Watch yo back!” Once safely in the hallway, Ghost throws JL Crunk to the hard concrete floor. JL looks up in confusion, and his eyes meet Ghost. You ruined my chance for a title shot. Ghost’s eyes burn with fury, and he reaches down towards JL’s neck.

 

“Na, foo! We coo’! We coo’! Come on, nigga, I was just tryin’ to help, man! I was defending your honor! Please! I was just tryin to heghgghghgh!!!” Ghost closes his grip around JL’s neck, then thinks better of it and relases. JL falls sputtering on the ground.

 

“*HACK* Damn! *COUGH* Ah, damn! Foo, you trippin’.” Ghost helps him to his feet and walks down the hallway.

 

“Sorry, Ghost.” Ghost nods.

 

“Hey Ghost…I was always curious about something.” Ghost turns to JL, waiting. “Are you a robot or not?” Ghost turns and continues down the corridor as JL runs to catch up.

 

* * *

 

Three men sit around a table in the tavern: Ghost Machine, JL Crunk, and their friend Mr. Bugaboo. Bugaboo is also a wrestler, and is currently in Sweden for the memorial show dedicated to his late teacher, Bjorn von Denskii. He is of medium height with a rather slight frame, a few pounds over cruiserweight. He has medium length blue hair and black glasses painted onto his face. He’s wearing his wrestling attire: a blue wrestling spandex with silver and black designs. His boots are black, and at his feet is a bag containing the Ring of Respect United States Chamionship.

 

“That asshole! That self righteous asshole!” shouts Bugaboo. “How dare he?! How DARE he! You, Ghost Machine. That prick.” He brings his beer up to his face only to find it empty. Bugaboo whimpers slightly and tosses the bottle over his shoulder.

 

Ghost shrugs, and JL speaks up. “I know, right? This crackhead tryin’ to hold us down! No matter what it takes, we gonna get that title on you, Ghost!” Ghost thumps his chest.

 

Bugaboo lights up a joint. “See, here’s how you gotta do it. Who’s the champ?”

 

“Ejiro Fasaki.”

 

“Never heard of him. What is he, Jap?” Ghost Machine points a finger menacingly at this slur.

 

“Maybe. Does it matter?”

 

“Guess not. Anyway, find this cocksucker, and beat the shit out of him! Ha! Get him by surprise. Bat, chair, whatever you like. Take his belt, and declare yourself champ! Simple as that!” Bugaboo takes a drag of his doobie and coughs.

 

“Sounds like a plan, mu’fucka! You ice cold, Bugaboo.”

 

“Hey. I try. What the hell are you guys doing in Sweden, anyway?”

 

“SWF World Tour, man. It’s rough.”

 

“Tell me about it. I hate Europe. Speak English! Hey. If it’s good enough for Bugaboo, it’s good enough for everyone.”

 

“Sure.” JL looks at his watch. “Shit, we gotta roll. Training an’ shit. Hey, Bugaboo, nice catchin’ up with you, dawg.”

 

Bugaboo stands up to shake hands. “Hey, my pleasure.” He hefts the title belt over his shoulder. “Keep me filled in on this whole championship thing. You deserve it, Ghost. I mean it. Remember what I told you.” He shakes hands with Ghost and JL, and the two start to leave.

 

Just before Ghost leaves, Mr. Bugaboo calls out to him. “Hey, Ghost!” Ghost turns around.

 

“What’s the deal? You a robot or not?” Ghost rolls his eyes and pushes open the door.

[Toxxic 0]

Beware the consequences of he who attacks others without permission. SHould you steal the World Title in a promo without permission, I think it's safe to say that your arse is grass.

 

In other news, thanks for not sulking about your loss.

[Guest bennerisbetter]

First of all, I didn't do anything drastic with Flesher, and he did the beat down anyway. As for stealing the world title, I'm new but not stupid. I assume your last comment was sarcastic, and you greatly misunderstand my intentions with this. I'm not trying to get the title back, my character is. The whole point is that no one (yourself included) gives a shit about him.

[Secret Agent 0]

How can you get the title back if you never had it in the first place?

[Toxxic 0]

No, my last comment was NOT sarcastic. I was thanking you for not giving up and leaving after your first defeat in the federation, especially since you felt that you had been unfairly discriminated against due to the length of your match compared to Ejiro's. Considering the amount of people who join this fed only to never show (often the ones with 'stupid' gimmicks - see Flash, Jumping Jack) it's a pleasant change to see someone with a bizarre gimmick who's actually going to stick around.

 

That being said, I still don't like JL Crunk, but it's your character so you can, to an extent, do as you please.

[Guest bennerisbetter]

Oh yeah...I never did have the title....

 

Well thank you then. And I hate JL Crunk too. Trying to figure out how to...dismiss him.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Have Ghost Machine eat him. Whole. Perhaps in the middle of a promo in the ring or something.

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Who/what is Jumping Jack Flash?

[Ace309 0]

Jumpin' Jack Flash was a nooblet who was booked twice but apparently misunderstood how the matches are written. His stats are up at TheSWF.com.

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

Notes: Cocky, funny; Loves to have Cherry Coke Bashes. He can sometimes be distracted in his matches by Cherry Coke, women, movies.

 

I don't know what a Cherry Coke Bash is, but I want to have one.

[Toxxic 0]

Distracted by Cherry Coke (gimmick, OK), women (fair enough) and movies? Is his opponent going to pay the production crew to suddenly start playing The Godfather on the Smarktron to distract JJF and catch a cheap pin?

[Ace309 0]

I was thinking waving a DVD at him to catch his attention and then having a tag team partner hit the rollup.

 

Handful of tights, natch.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

That's actually a pretty awesometacular idea, Tom.

 

Also, it kind of reminds me when in Blanka/Andrea vs. M. Bison/Ace Lezaire, Ace distracted Blanka with a bone to get the win.

 

Huzzahs for things!

[Golgo 13 0]

Speaking of stuff and people like Jack Flash, what became of Cash and Cyclone?

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

They sucked, I think.

[Ace309 0]

They didn't respond to my "IMPORTANT: About Stats" declaration.