Warehouse: Songs and Stories

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Another mexican ran his jack into the back of a reach machine, and expertly severed his ring finger between the first and second knuckle. I was talking to Rick about the incident, as he'd lost most of his right hand above the thumb in a brake press accident, and I figured they'd be able to reattach the poor picker's digit. Rick wiggled his apparatus at me and said "Sure they will, Gene, suuuuuuuuuure they will..."

 

I guess the doctors couldn't save his finger. The guy's nickname when he came back? Shocker. Think about it.

[Black Lushus]

I don't think we've had any serious accidents like that here in years.

[Guest Felonies!]

The guy's nickname when he came back? Shocker. Think about it.

Awesome.

 

When I was in high school, a bunch of kids got questioned by the cops because there were pictures of them doing the shocker and they thought it was a gang sign. Jesus.

 

Okay, go on.

[geniusMoment]

Where are the fucking songs?

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

These women that work the inspection line in the pharmacy department are nuts. They've all been there for at least fifteen years, and are named Janice (3 of), Janet (1 of), Rita (1 of) or Judy (2 of). They all use these older scan guns that vary drastically in their speed, beam accuracy, and sound volume. Rita comes in at least an hour early every single day to pick out the scan gun she likes, then Janet comes in 40 minutes later and gets pissed because Rita beat her. Weird people.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Interesting study on name frequency tied to age.

 

There are at least eight women on day shift between (estimated) age 45-55 named Sandy.

 

There are at least eight girls on second and third shift between (estimated) age 18-25 named Amanda.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Last night Paul the machine operator told me about the previous morning's Bob and Tom show until ten minutes after the point where it was annoying to listen to him. I acted really excited after a while and shared my love of chess with him for a similar amount of time and he left. I don't mind about 90 seconds of Bob and Tom, but god damn, dude was reciting the whole show.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I don't think we've had any serious accidents like that here in years.

 

We didn't either until they hired a bunch of illegal immigrants. I don't mean to imply it was strictly a racial thing, because black and white guys out here wreck machines or cut their fingers on box knives or whatever the fuck on a weekly basis, but the real catastrophic shit like pallet-head smashings and severed limbs only happened to the mexicans.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Brian used to be the fill-in guy for my job. He's in his mid 30's, is as tall as I am, and weighs around 300 pounds. He's a pretty decent guy all in all, aside from some really bizarre quirks. He's allergic to any and all fragrances and antiperspirants. He works as a stocker, which I described earlier in the thread, I think. Pretty physical stuff. He smelled so bad that people 10 feet away behind racks of product could tell where he was without seeing him. He used to cover my days off, lunch times and shit, sitting behind my desk making the whole office REEK of the most curious body odor. Very distinct. Smelled like a mixture of standard BO, sour milk, garbage disposal, basement, and ass crack.

 

He's also an avid Dungeons and Dragons player. Before getting my current job, I stopped in the office to pick up some equipment at a sort of off-time, and he had the books and dice out and everything, setting up some kind of adventure. He looked at me like I'd caught him masturbating, just waiting for me to mock him. I left him be. Took my voice terminal and went to work.

 

He sort of trusted me after that, telling me all kinds of anectdotes about role playing games, video games, historical recreation groups (WWII and Civil War) and renaissance organizations with which he is involved. I saw a picture of his wife once. Hideous. Probably nice, but hideous. Much older than he is. Gray hair, kid from a previous marriage and all. They have one son together, who is actually a cute kid. Brian must have wanted a mother figure. I often wondered about his childhood emotional stunting, since he lives his entire waking life both in and out of work completely embroiled in a world of fantasy. He went to day shift though, and I hardly ever see him anymore, which is ok. He's kind of a shmuck. I'll talk about his brother Mike some time.

[Art Sandusky]

Remember at the other place where I said I needed new friends? You just wrote a description of most of them, minus the smelling part.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

So earlier this week we got our customary pack of new hires, and one of them pushed back her start date due to being ill. The flu is going around, so management didn't think much of it and let her start a couple days later. She came it with some visible open sores around her mouth, and was complaining of oral pain for the couple hours or so that she was there. The girl training her is a hygeine freak of nature like myself, so she asked what the new gal was sick with, to which she nonchalantly replied "Hoof and mouth disease." Still contagious, too. They sent her home.

[J.B. Buzzkill]

I'm nearly 19, and I work at a Caterpillar warehouse by Indianapolis to save up some money for school. One guy there, we'll call him Dave, had always smelled suspiciously like beer and was notorious for doing things like playing chicken on the rider jacks with unsuspecting workers. About 2 weeks ago, he comes in completely shitfaced, waltzes up to 1 of the other guys, and starts draping his arms around him and slurring incoherently. Then he goes and starts randomly WHALING on the vending machines with his fists. He was shitcanned on the spot.

 

As mentioned, I do live in Indiana, but does anyone else have warehouse coworkers that consist of 75% complete fucking hicks? Seriously, if you don't like NASCAR or Toby Keith or Kenny Chesney, you're pretty much persona non grata there.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Have you not read my thread? Draw your own conclusions.

[Guest Felonies!]

Then he goes and starts randomly WHALING on the vending machines with his fists.

This was cool. Did he have a harpoon?

[Ted the Poster]

I was told of a whale taken near Lance, that had above a barrel of cheese crackers in his belly...