My ex-girlfriend e-mailed me a poem.

[justsoyouknow]

The same cigarette

Has been hanging from his lips

For all the seasons

Of youth,

Wasted and spent.

Now this "nihilist"

Can barely make rent.

His K9 Companion

Can't even look at him.

"oh how my blue eyes,

once had a battle cry

that summer it only

seemed right to lie."

 

Motivation

Escaped him

On the 9 o'clock train.

 

Inspiration

Packed her bags to leave.

But oh,

How perfect the memories.

Intriguing. My "K-9 Companion" wouldn't look at me because she took up his spot on my bed, so he was upset. Whore.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Why is she calling you a faux-nihilist. What does that have to do with anything.

[justsoyouknow]

I'm not really sure? That's why it's curious.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

A little clunky in spots, but that really wasn't that bad.

[kkktookmybabyaway]

Your dog doesn't care about her taking his spot on the bed. That's why they're dogs.

 

She is talking about a dog and not using some hippie metaphor/other poetry crap technique, right?

[Vampiro69]

Bitches be trippin.

[Guest Eagle Man]

Vampiro, I like Scrubs, but not your sig, and it's too big. Drop it.

[EL BRUJ0]

sigz be trippin'

[Toshiaki Koala]

Not mine. Anomalocaris is your daddy.

[justsoyouknow]

A little clunky in spots, but that really wasn't that bad.

 

 

Yeah, she's not a bad writer. For the record, she lived with me, then I came home one day and all of her stuff was gone and I didn't hear from her for three days. Then she called me and said I got her pregnant and she moved to Tucson to live with her dad and get an abortion. Then I started getting poems in the mail. Bitches be fallin' down.

[MrRant]

If she was falling down, she'd be whipping out a gun on a McD's employee complaining that the burger didn't look like the picture.

[justsoyouknow]

Hey, Mr. Rant made a black joke. Imagine.

[justsoyouknow]

New one.

I’m packing up my suitcase

My friends.

The end of this desert epic

Is open for interpretation.

 

It’s every one for themselves

In this valley of hell,

My plane was just the first to depart

The dry heat of my heart.

 

I’m not denying

the corners of my mouth

never touched the sides of my dusty face.

But my genuine well being

waits in a distant location.

You could say to me that leaving

would be to relinquish a future

with amphetamines and

disillusioned accomplishments

but I can’t be part of this.

 

You could write in red ink

the letters that only spell conceit

but I never wanted anyone to depend on me.

My name isn’t a synonym for care giver.

You’re life isn’t mine to smoke away.

I’ll be honest as you always believed,

I must abandon this wasteland

to maintain my sanity.

 

I must go and find new punk rock venues

before there’s nothing left of me to rescue.

In this city honesty has only

earned me enemies.

There’s plenty of cowboys

and these rodeos are lunacy

in this redneck state of reality.

Can’t say what’s abiding

by the ocean but at least

the people are logical and well hydrated.

That’s more than I can say

for this company of drug addiction.

Hopefully I’ll return

for those I don’t wish for the sun to burn,

and turn to ash.

As for the rest of you,

welcome to my past.

The back of my brain

which is soon to be erased.

Remember happiness is never lost,

but often misplaced.

 

I once confused this forest of cacti

to be my home and hearth.

Until I witnessed where the sea met the earth.

 

The other night I dreamt of a letter sent,

missing a return address.

I opened the envelope to find a reply

to a message I sealed in a bottle

and fed to the ocean,

as I read the letter

I could hear the sender whisper.

The fact I can inspire such hatred is kind of neat.

[justsoyouknow]

Your dog doesn't care about her taking his spot on the bed. That's why they're dogs.

 

She is talking about a dog and not using some hippie metaphor/other poetry crap technique, right?

 

 

No, she was talking about my dog. He slept on my bed every night for seven months until she moved in, and then she took his spot and he was very upset with me.

[MrRant]

Hey, Mr. Rant made a black joke. Imagine.

What? Have you seen the movie Falling Down?

 

Idiot.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

That second one was pretty not good, though some evidence of talent still shone through. If she already hasn't, she should take some poetry workshops. Help her put some shape to her work. Pass that on to her, Jon.

[justsoyouknow]

Hey, Mr. Rant made a black joke. Imagine.

What? Have you seen the movie Falling Down?

 

Idiot.

 

 

Where Michael Douglas has had enough of all those damned blacks? Yes, I have.

[justsoyouknow]

That second one was pretty not good, though some evidence of talent still shone through. If she already hasn't, she should take some poetry workshops. Help her put some shape to her work. Pass that on to her, Jon.

 

 

She likes heroin, I don't think education is too high up on the list of things to do.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

Tell her to ditch the smack and get high on college.

[Copper Feel]

I have never really understood poetry. The most important thing about literature is a writer's use of language and sentence structure right? Whether that shines through in imagery, characterisation or some form of satirisation. So why would anybody want to abbreviate their technical abilities to a mere rhyme?

[Guest Eagle Man]

Poetry doesn't have to rhyme.

[Copper Feel]

Fair point.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

And the use of language and sentence structure plays just as crucial a part in poetry as it does in prose.

 

I've said elsewhere that I've never been big into poetry, but I know good writing when I see it. Jon's junkie ex-gf is capable of good writing, but she needs some polish.

[Guest Eagle Man]

And needs some Polish.

[Copper Feel]

By expanding upon their words and not maintaning such a rigid structure (yes I know, not all do) I think poets could acheive more.

 

 

But really it is not my territory either as you can probably tell, so I shall not expand upon my complaints any further.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

Jon, I'm curious as to what this girl looks like. You can pm pics to me, should decorum dictate such.

[Guest Eagle Man]

By expanding upon their words and not maintaning such a rigid structure (yes I know not all do) I think poets could acheive more.

"Expand upon their words"? Like put footnotes in?

[Guest Vitamin X]

You could say to me that leaving

would be to relinquish a future

with amphetamines and

disillusioned accomplishments

but I can’t be part of this.

 

this is part of where I think her last poem fails. Whereas she's using a lot of metaphors and her poetry seems to be allegorical in nature as is, when she brings in a technical or realistic term to describe something, it takes away from the overall meaning of it.

 

And you NEVER refer to your drug addiction as a drug addiction. Unless you mean it in a satirical sense.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

Tell that scag to OD in a Santa Fe gas station bathroom with some pockmarked mexican trucker.

[MrRant]

Hey, Mr. Rant made a black joke. Imagine.

What? Have you seen the movie Falling Down?

 

Idiot.

 

 

Where Michael Douglas has had enough of all those damned blacks? Yes, I have.

 

I don't remember racist Michael Douglas in that movie.