SWF CLUSTERFUCK 2008! (card)

[Toxxic 0]

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents…

CLUSTERFUCK 2008

Wednesday January 23rd, from the Sears Centre, Chicago

7pm EST



(send all marked matches, promos etc to King Cucaracha)

ARE YOU READY TO ‘FUCK?
The SWF is gearing up for a new year - the events of the last show of 2007 haven’t even occurred yet and we’re already shaping up for the first show of 2008, mainly because the first show of 2008 is going to take some preparing for! So without any further ado, let’s get straight to the heart of the matter:

THE CLUSTERFUCK
Twenty entrants. Last one in the ring wins. Sounds simple? It is, in theory. However, as with most things in professional wrestling, the Clusterfuck so rarely is. Let’s see what 2008 throws at us.
MEET THE CONTESTANTS
We have 16 confirmed entrants and four to be named on the night. Will these be big-name returns to the federation, or is Landon just too chicken to try and market a Clusterfuck with the Four Norsemen in it? We shall have to see.

Confirmed
*Johnny Dangerous: Agile, fast reflexes and a shedload of experience, the Barracuda should have a natural advantage. He had poor luck in competition towards the end of 2007 but will be looking to turn that trend around and get himself right back into the main event.
#Tom Flesher: Well, we had to give Tom a chance at winning about the only thing he’s never won. His amateur wrestling skills might not be so much of an advantage in a match where taking it to the mat won’t do you any good; his dirty tactics and ability to throw you around will be.
*MANSON: Is he a demi-god or a raving madman? It doesn’t really matter; the Savage Messiah is a force to be reckoned with and has stepped up his already-unbalanced game of late. If you’re looking for a dark horse, look no further.
#Va’aiga: 6’7, 350lbs, and this man is only the second biggest (confirmed) entrant in the Clusterfuck. The Maori Badass is one of four former World Champions in the mix and his raw power should go a long way to helping him, but expect him to be a prime target for the “get the big guy out before he creams us all” teamwork.
*The Fabulous Jakey: Unless Megan Skye enters herself Jakey is pretty much guaranteed to be the smallest competitor, but his diminutive stature hasn’t stopped the flamboyant superstar from becoming a respected competitor in the SWF. Can Jakey go all the way?
#Dace Night: The other member of the Violence Distribution Network, will Dace’s recently-renewed partnership with Va’aiga stand up to the all-against-all mentality of the ‘Fuck? Will they even meet? Whether or not he wins, one thing will be certain; Dace will be putting the hurt on someone.
*Christian Fury: Generally unable to buy a win, Fury would be one of the true shocks to win the ‘Fuck. Then again, if everyone views you as a threat no-one will try and eliminate you, so maybe the veteran will finally get a result here.
#‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins: Spike’s new attitude is turning heads backstage and in the SWF offices; winning the Clusterfuck would put the icing on this particular straight-edge cake, and shouldn’t be counted out by any means.
*Scott Pretzler: The Critic returned, disappeared and has now returned again. Pretzler’s another former Revolutionary with a new attitude, and one with the smarts to win in an environment like this. Has he still got his old sharpness?
#Jay Hawke: The longest-reigning International Champion of all time, Hawke is a specialist in one-on-one matches and might be somewhat out of his element in a contest like this. Regardless, his sneakiness might stand him in good stead of getting another shot at that elusive World Title.
*Nathaniel Kibagami: The River Dragon is in the SWF for one reason: fighting. Kibagami has the potential (unlikely as the actuality may be) to be in the same ring as nineteen other people at the same time, which was all that was needed to secure his inclusion. A win would be an outside chance for the oldest man in the company, but could turn the fed upside down if he got the chance to win a second World Title.
#Arch Griffon: Another powerhouse, Griffon should have the tools to do well but has yet to back it up in the ring. Will the Clusterfuck be his breakout moment?
*Insane Luchador: The Looch is always unpredictable and impossible to truly count out for anything (except perhaps becoming the fed’s next straight-edger). Andrew Rickmen’s own particular brand of insanity has carried him through more years in the SWF than we care to remember, and back from his own death; against that the Clusterfuck should stand no chance.
#Aaron Starr: The SWF’s second-newest face and the least experienced entrant in the Clusterfuck, Starr fell short against Michael Alexander but is shooting for glory again here tonight. Is he likely to succeed? Well… stranger things have happened.
*Austin Sly: The second Revolutionary in the mix, Sly has never had problems with looking out for himself. While unlikely to be a trail-blazer or the person to eliminate most others, Sly is a veteran with enough savvy to ensure he’s hanging around at the end in position to take advantage.
#Tracey Bruner: 6’10, 455lbs. Yes, you heard right. This monster of a man may have the wrong centre of balance for an over-the-top-rope match, but his massive weight should surely help counteract that. Able to remove any one opponent with ease, Bruner will still need to watch his back and hope the rest don’t gang up on him as the threat he surely is.

The other entrants: There are four spaces for you to fill with other wrestlers of your choice who will only be announced to the crowd when they appear on the entrance ramp. While this is completely at your own discretion, be sensible; an SWF ‘legend’ isn’t really appropriate, no-one wants to see Edwin or Thugg make their return in a Clusterfuck when the writer has no idea their character is being used. Real-life wrestlers should obviously not be used either (no matter how much killing Teddy Hart with a Dangerous German to the floor appeals). In general, a former World Champion should probably not be brought out unless you have the express approval of the writer of that character. EDIT: By Muzz's request, Christian Blackwell should NOT be included. Also, by WC's request, no Wildchild.
Rules: Two contestants start in the ring, new entrants arrive every three minutes. You are free to decide your own entry order, but bear in mind that although it might be easier to write if your guy is in from the start, writing yourself to be anywhere between one to four will need to be REALLY well done to avoid looking so, so cheap. Personally, I’m sick of ‘number one wins the Rumble’, it makes no kayfabe sense and is just stupid. You are eliminated by going over the top rope (whether under your own power or someone else’s) and having both feet touch the floor. Any contestant who has been announced but not made it into the ring by the time the next buzzer goes off is automatically disqualified. Once the last three competitors are left the match changes to a Triple Threat, the first person to score the pin or submission wins the Clusterfuck.
Incentive: The winner gets a World Title shot at From The Fire, the SWF's next show, and (get this) gets to name the stipulation. Yes, even a strap match *grumbles*.
Word Limit: No ‘limit’ as such. Landon would like to make it clear that his first winning entry was around 15k (mainly to remind you all that he won it twice, I suspect), so we’re setting that as a loose target; however, that’s not set in stone. You’re going to have to decide your own balance between time, motivation, description, structure and boring the marker shitless. A well-written 20ker will probably beat a bare-bones 15ker, but a bare-bones 15ker that says what it needs to say will probably beat out a mind-numbingly dull 20ker.
Send To: Please pay close attention to the symbol by your name:
* - send to King Cucaracha
# - send to Toxxic
ANY RETURNEES WHO WISH TO WRITE - you may enter yourself as one of the four surprise entrants and determine your own entry order, just like everyone else (well, you can take one of the spots and promo to say you’re coming back if you wish, but bear in mind that other people might have a match plan by that point that won’t feature you so your entire return promo will be no-sold). Please let either Landon or Toxxic know that you will be writing so we can assign you a marker to ensure that if we get five returnees writing (I wish) they don’t all go to one of us and one of us gets hideously overloaded.

Yes, I know we only have two markers and potentially twenty (or more!) matches to mark. However, we’re anticipating burnout or general non-interest will take its toll. To be honest, if we have enough matches to mark that it’s a problem, I’ll be so pleased I won’t mind the extra work.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Toxxic© vs Michael Alexander
New Blood Title winner egomaniac vs World Champion egomaniac. Toxxic has stamped his authority on the fed yet again, but with Revolution Zero's loss to VDN, are the cracks starting to show? Michael Alexander certainly hopes so - a rising star in the fed, the rookie has converted his New Blood Title into a shot at the biggest prize of them all. Will Alexander get a late Christmas present, or will Toxxic play an eyelinered grinch yet again?

Rules: Standard Singles
Word Limit: 7000
Send To: King Cucaracha



WORLD CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE
Wildchild© vs Dance Dance Dragon
Wildchild IS the Cruiserweight Division... but a couple of months ago he could only hold Triple D to a time limit draw. That's what sparked this confrontation, with Wildchild declaring no interest in the Clusterfuck because he already has the belt he wants, thank you, while Dance Dance Dragon wanted another crack at possibly the greatest cruiserweight in the fed's history.

Rules: Cruiserweight - 20 count on outside, no throwing opponent over the top rope
Word Limit: 6000
Send To: Toxxic



Taiga Star vs JJ Johnson
The newbie gets to try her hardcore skillz! JJ plays fall guy, which shouldn't surprise us.

Rules: Hardcore (standard no-DQ, no countout, falls count anywhere)
Word Limit: 4000
Send To: King Cucaracha

Edited January 23, 2008 by Toxxic

[Toxxic 0]

Since Cross STILL hasn't got the stats for Aaron Starr up yet, here they are as emailed to me. No, I don't know what his hometown is, that wasn't in the stats. Make one up, or ignore it, as you wish.

 

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Smarks Board Name: super_tigris

Wrestlers Name:

Height: 5'11''

Weight: 200 lbs.

Hometown:

Age: 20

Face/Heel: Face

Stable: N/A

Ring Escort: N/A

Weapon(s): Prefers to keep matches clean. Given the right

circumstances, he'll use whatever he can get his hands on.

Quote: N/A

 

Looks:

The closest resemblance is to Peter Parker. He looks like the young

superhero archetype. He's got short, black hair, fair skin, and a

very young look about him. Like a blue chipper. His attire consists

of long, white tights with red out-lined white stars. He has a pair

of high boots with white out-lined red kick pads. No tattoos. Slim,

his muscles are not very defined but he's in very good shape. To the

ring he'll wear red and white striped zip up hoodie.

 

Ring Entrance:

He enters very confidently at an average pace without paying much

attention to the fans. The first part of his entrance music, a

forty-five second opening called "White Lightning" by the RZA plays in

its entirety before cutting to "Euphoria" by Spiritual Beggars. He

typically follows this pace on his way to the ring. When entering the

ring he steps up to the ropes with his hood up and points into the

audience completely motionless.

 

Stats:

¯¯¯¯¯

Strength: 2 – not very strong, most of his game lies in his speed.

Speed: 8 – he's got all kinds of pace, ridiculously fast.

Vitality: 3 – not the most durable of athletes, but can take a decent beating.

Charisma: 7 – the kind of wrestler the fans can get behind even as a heel.

 

Style:

Fast paced with a lot of counters – not very offensive oriented, likes

to strike with speed off the ropes, through the air, with his legs,

and on the counter. Will not look to attempt to throw all of his

stamina/strength into one move, will probably look to finish a match

with a succession of signature moves or a pairing of his finishers.

Typically speaking, his entire game plan is built up to a single

moment in which a spur of strikes or one devastating finisher is

delivered (the latter typically only to Cruiserweights.)

 

Signature Moves

-An impressive Moonsault, with a very high jump.

-Starr Scream: Drop kick to the knee, then using the ropes to rebound

behind his downed opponent and either stomp the back of their head or

deliver another drop kick to the back of their head (depending on if

they're kneeling or laying after the drop kick to the knee.)

-Super Springboard Huricanrana

-Springboard Flying Cross Body (runs up the turnbuckle, springs off

the third rope, turns in mid air and delivers the Cross Body.)

-Top Rope Cannonball Senton Splash

-The Roaring Elbow (often used in succession on larger opponents.)

-Tornado DDT

-Tornado head scissors take down.

 

Common moves:

-Arm Drags

-Dropkicks

-High Kicks

-Diving Elbows

-Diving Clotheslines

-Chain Wrestling

-Enziguri

-Drop Toe Hold

-Huricanrana

-Scoop Slam

-Running Elbow Drop

-Running Senton Splash

-Running Leg Drop

 

Rare moves: None as of now.

 

Finishers:

-Seeing Starrs: set up by the Starr Scream, instead of going for the

second dropkick/stomp, Starr drives a pseudo-Yakuza kick to the back

of his opponent's head. His combined speed and fortunate striking

abilities make this a devastating blow for Cruiserweights and a near

assured pin-fall against bigger opponents (feel free, however, to set

your own limits with this one. It can be used as a finish or a

transition.)

-Starr Struck: this is about the move that's capable of assuring a

win. It's the most versatile move in Starr's arsenal of fast paced,

impromptu attacks. A flying, or rather, springboard Diamond Cutter.

Can be done from just about anywhere in just about any given situation

making it unpredictable and a threat.

 

Notes: He's very ethical, but at the same time has a mean streak in

him. He's not often prone to letting it out but when push comes to

shove he'll get physical and turn up the tempo of a match. He's not

afraid to get bloody, either. After all, red is his favorite color.

[Guest Orden Noash]

Are rookies allowed to claim one of these other spots? Out of interest.

[Ace309 0]

Yes, just follow the directions for a returnee writing. The Fuck's a bit ambitious, though... sure you want to write it?

[Retard Girl 0]

do a couple jobber matches before El Clusterfucko?

 

not that i'm telling anyone what to do or anything... *shifty*

[Guest Orden Noash]

I've been doing this six years, I'm new to the federation not to writing

[Retard Girl 0]

well, i'm new to this fed also, but not new to e-feds in general. I'M not writing a clusterfuck match, because it would be my second match. i haven't got the "style" of the place down yet. so i was asking for a jobber match for myself as well

[Toxxic 0]

My money's on Orden Noash being a ringer anyway, and I even think I know who. However, if you want to write the Clusterfuck sir (or madam), you write the Clusterfuck.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Anyone who wants to write the 'Fuck is MORE than welcome. If you want to give it a go and decide halfway through you're fighting a losing battle... well, you certainly won't be the first or the last.

Edited December 23, 2007 by King Cucaracha