2009 TSM Poster Tournament: The Round of 16

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! 0]

Mellow- The Jeff Hornaceck or John Stockton of posting for me, sure, I can’t be a great poster, but here’s a guy I can somewhat relate to who is.

 

I get the two of you confused all the time, so I guess you're doing something right!

[Maztinho 0]

I should swipe the Turtle kid av and really mess with your mind.

[Carnival 0]

Inc

Slayer

 

Chris

Edwin

 

KOAB - all the way son

Kamala

 

Treble

VX

[snuffbox 0]

Incandenza - This vote is a reward for staving off what was starting to look like another retarded "one to watch" campaign for EHME.

Slayer - It hurts to do this (in an internet sort of way), but I just can't vote for the guy that beat one of my favorites to win the whole thing.

 

Kinetic - I don't hold no grudges just because Kinetic Jack Lamberted (would Derrick Brooksed be better in this case?) my ass. He's the better poster in this matchup.

Edwin - Mellow's run has come to an end, I think.

 

KOAB - I used to like Tool 'til they made the same album that they made the last time they made the same album/Every time they make a damn album it's the same album, really/And only stoners listen to their music/It's silly.

Agent - He likes lunch-pail football. That equals one vote.

 

Sensei - This was a tough call. I think I've had more interaction with Sensei on the board than with Treble.

VX - Hardest choice of the entire tournament. I guess I'll just give a vote for VX because we had to slog our way through that bloody stool of a Packers season.

[Matt Young 0]

When did Matt Young join America's cultural elite?

 

I knew that, of all the people here, you'd be the first (maybe only) one to get that reference.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

Incandenza - In a lot of ways, Inc represents exactly what TSM is about.

Slayer - Board historian!

 

Kinetic - He's the favorite this year for a reason

Edwin MacPhisto - A TSM legend.

 

KOAB - I owe him a couple of votes from the first two rounds.

Agent - Agent had a really strong year.

 

Treble - Hockey fan, also hysterical.

VX - Cooking and football and cooking.

[Xavier Cromartie 0]

Hey TSM! What's the hottest trend on the Internet these days?

 

COLLABS.

 

And so, these votes are not solely mine. Leelee and I worked together, discussed when we disagreed, and settled on these decisions. Enjoy.

 

1. Dr. Venkman d. 4. Incandenza. Unanimous decision. Easiest pick for both of us. Leelee describes Inc as "nothing but lame inside jokes, indy music elitism, and a cock to everyone."

7. Cheech d. 3. Slayer. I refused to acknowledge this matchup—not because I lost but because Byron lost. Leelee concurred, "The Bulb was screwed." So, it was up to her, and she said Cheech is "really annoying now" but "wins by default since Slayer barely posted in '08, and he hasn't been funny or intelligent since '05."

 

5. CanadianChris d. 1. Kinetic. We disagreed at first. I picked CC, Leelee picked Kinetic in a shocker. I said, "Kinetic wastes an incredible amount of time trying too hard with his posts and making a bunch of not-very-good videos about TSM. I don't dislike him, he's just that guy who I know might win but I don't want to." Leelee completely agreed and said, "It would be like when Milky won. TSM really thinks a virtual gimmick account is the best? Yes, that's why I hate it so much."

3. Edwin d. 2. mellow. We were split, but we like both posters. I went for Edwin for his English skills, Leelee went for mellow for being wonderful in the wrestling section. I agreed but said that, when compared, Edwin's posts are more impressive. Leelee agreed to switch.

 

1. KOAB d. 13. Smues. Unanimous decision! I picked him for supporting me in the tourney. Leelee says, "KOAB strikes out a lot with his forced humor, but when he's good, he's good. Smues is ok in the sports section, with his usual smartass shit and baseball knowledge. Other than that, blech. Useless suckup."

2. King Kamala d. 6. Agent of Oblivion. Split. Again, I picked Agent for the voting karma. But, Leelee was having none of that, and adds that "Kamala is good in the wrestling parts." I had no objection to switching.

 

4. treble d. 1. Sensei John Kreese. We were divided the most by this decision. I am for SJK, and she is not. I appreciate his votes and said that I like his "silly yet observant style." But, Leelee doesn't appreciate that SJK has jabbed at her numerous times. Thus, I switched.

7. 909 d. 3. Vitamin X. Split, but we were both somewhat unsure because we think they're both pretty good. I picked 909 mainly for his appreciation of my Somali thread, but I agreed with Leelee when she said that VX is "a quality poster and expresses himself well." I was willing to switch, but Leelee later added, "After VX's stupid baiting of Marvin in the NFL thread today, I'm switching to 909."

[King Kamala 0]

Me and JN News were totally collaborate on my vote this round but he had to talk to his MSN contact, who had a hot scoop, that I assume he'll be posting momentarily.

[BUTT 0]

But, Leelee doesn't appreciate that SJK has jabbed at her numerous times. Thus, I switched.

She has jabbed at me! You tell your BFF Leelee that I was a big fan of her work until she revealed her hatred of me a while back. Don't make me into the offending party!

[Kinetic 0]

Venkman: Inc is a longtime board bud, but Venkman was a much more prolific contributer in 2008. We exchanged PMs the other day! I called him a crouton.

 

Cheech: Again, we're not handing out a lifetime achievement award here. We're rewarding message board excellence in 2008, or something, and "Hot Pants" was undoubtedly the better and more active poster last year.

 

Kinetic: Board hard. That's my creed. My code.

 

Edwin: An excellent poster and a nice guy. And a regular sports folder contributer who's never been responsible for any sort of obnoxiousness. Not a lot of us can say that.

 

KOAB: I don't know that I expected KOAB to make this sort of run, but I'm having trouble voting against him. He can do the whole "I'm drunk, my life is a mess" thing without being totally unbearable, which, again, not a lot of us can claim.

 

Agent: Typically the straw that stirs the drink in the weekly NFL threads, and a very funny guy at the bottom of the board.

 

Kreese: Another swell guy. I'm glad that I only have to suck everyone's dick once a year. It feels wrong.

 

Vitamin X: Even though he replaced a gimmick account thread that I worked very hard on with dinosaur porn, he's a good guy. Also, a fellow transplant to the Pacific Northwest.

[Guest Czecherbear]

KOAB and Smues are both insufferable drunk-posters, come to think of it. It comes down to whether you like the "idnd dsojnplyledw kwnow whwat uthtg erfuf cuk kijtj s weonlhg eith med" hot mess, or "aaah i'm wasted something something smuesette traffic grrr WAAAH PARTY TIME" self-aware prattling.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Time to get the vote out.

 

Venkman- Because he definitely cares a lot more about his place in TSM lore than Incan fucking denza.

Cheech- Slayer's usually my guy here, but not over Cheech. Not this year, not this time, and pretty much mostly because he won before. Also, Cheech and I have the Portland connection. What!

 

Kinetic- Because this sets up an epic match-up next round, and because he's an affable Jamaican. I feel bad for betraying his really bad gimmick earlier this year, but although CC voted for me and I like him, Kinetic is also a good guy and I can recall several of his posts that amused me this past year.

Edwin- Battle of the Titans. Mellow's a great poster, but I think he's just coming into his own and Edwin, although he doesn't care much, is making a Lushus-like run into the Elite Eight.

 

KOAB- I feel bad betraying my fellow mod here, and since both guys voted against me this round, it was tough. However, I like KOAB just a bit more this round since he has been pretty entertaining this year and I can feel his drunken pain.

Agent of Oblivion- Badass. Deserves the win here, setting up a pretty good final in his bracket against KOAB.

 

Sensei John Kreese- If I'm going down to anyone, I'm going down to.. wait a second, that sounds wrong. Nah, treble was good this year and all, but Kreese is still king here in terms of contributions for `08. Go Kreese, Go.

Vitamin X- I would actually have very little problem losing to 909, but less so if I was losing to Milky, even though he's been kind of a dick lately. I actually have a reason behind my vote though, and that's that I feel I've been a better contributor overall to most of the board than 909. Wrestling doesn't count. Also, 909 made the finals what, last year? I've been around the Elite Eight and even made the Final Four once in the past three years or so, and would like a shot at taking the whole prize for once. And, I never made a living off of telling everyone to suck my dick, not even in my beginning "newbie" days, when all I did was pick a fight with Banky and JSYK... Something that, in retrospect, should probably be admired for having the balls to do, at least at that time.

[Slayer 0]

[Leena] said..."[slayer] hasn't been funny or intelligent since '05."

Which is also the last time Leena was actually tolerable

[Guest Czecherbear]

Probably closing this at 9p CST again. Are there any fun-bad movies on tonight that we can watch together, like last year?

[The Niggardly King 0]

Fast & Furious Tokyo Drift on TNT looks pretty appealing.

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! 0]

My computer and TV aren't in the same room anymore and my apartment doesn't have wireless. I don't know if I can participate in any fun-bad movie watching this year

[Smartly Pretty 0]

There are a few Hallmark movies on tonight.

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

Does the Xavier / Leena collab count as two votes?

[Carnival 0]

[Leena] said..."[slayer] hasn't been funny or intelligent since '05."

Which is also the last time Leena was actually tolerable

and the last time anyone thought Leena was actually a "she".

[Guest Czecherbear]

There's one close race left, if anybody's interested.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Wow, the second page of this is pretty incredible. The race between 909 and myself was neck and neck; seemed like every time I would go up, he'd have a couple more people vote for him and vice versa. Then the moment that 909 votes for himself, I reel off 15 straight votes until Leena/Xavier's co-ballot. Pretty incredible. Thanks to everyone who voted for me this round.