The Agent of Oblivion question of the day

[Maztinho]

You want the first date-date or the fake practice date I had with a childhood friend?

 

 

Too late, I can't remember my first date-date, you get the fake practice date. Tonya and I are about 2 months apart in age, and our mothers were neighbors in high school. Honestly I see her as a sister, but we were both semi-awkward teens and her older sister was pretty much a slut so when Jodie told her mom she was going to Spring Fling with some random guy Tonya and I got roped into tagging along as part of a group basically as secret ninja spies to destroy this cowboys chances of goin' to Pink Town.

 

So basically we traded off embarrassing stories of Jodie from her childhood, mocking each other, and then making sure they couldn't sneak off someplace during the dance. We went to Fuddrucker's and the cowboy mispronounced it Ruddfuckers like a thousand times and laughed every single time, thus I feel no guilt about denying him Jodie.

 

I practiced opening the car door cause I was told I'd be beaten if I didn't and holding doors open and shit for when it was "real."

 

Funny thing, someone did a personality generator for your "perfect match" in the school for Valentine's Day the next year and Tonya and I showed up as the number one most compatible on each others lists. Our mistake was telling our mothers about this, 14 years later and my mom will still bring up that fucking list and laugh.

[At Home]

So when did you guys have drunk sex?

[Maztinho]

Never. Seriously I saw her as a sister, in fact, when her first daughter was born she told the nursing staff I was her brother because they had a immediate family only rule due to a bad case of flu going around.

[At Home]

Hot.

[Mike wanna be]

Girl named Meg. Her 17, me 20. We went to see Children of Men, then wandered a Barnes & Noble for about an hour.

[Guest Vitamin X]

I can't really say for sure when my first actual "date" was- I kind of just met girls, hung out at their house or vice versa, then sex/hooking up was involved. In a sense, my first date was really with this kinda gross little Filipina girl named Amy. This was sophomore year, a bit after I had lost my virginity and subsequently hadn't heard from the girl I lost it to, so I was a bit bummed. This girl was sort of a football groupie, a freshman at the time, and saw me and pretty much jumped my bones at practice- exchanged numbers then we hung out at the mall. The worst part of it was that she was dumb enough to invite her REALLY ugly friend along who, naturally, was borderline obsessed with me and then when she saw us kiss, she pushed my head into her face or whatever and walked off all angry. Third wheels are dumb. Anyways, we hung out and then went to see Slums of Beverly Hills that night with some other friends, some mine, some hers. Some hooked up, I ended up going to her house briefly and then not boning her because I wouldn't get hard for her- my dick knew what it was doing then because that girl ended up being NUTS. And she was kinda busted anyways.

[Edwin MacPhisto]

I mostly just tried to woo girls in my extended group of friends through most of high school, so there weren't a lot of dates. First was at age 17 with Traci, who came to be known as my High School Girlfriend. She was more or less one of these friends, and we'd kind of been circling each other for a little while, running in the same circle and gradually spending more and more time together. For the date, I took her to a park downtown that was having an open-air screening of Casablanca. We then went for coffee and dessert and were, on our way into the coffeeshop, serenaded by two homeless guys sharing a guitar and playing assorted love standards. I bought our drinks with a $10 and gave one of the guys the change since he was, in a slightly alcohol-soured homeless way, helping me get my mack on. We went to the beach after that and then walked down the shoreline together for an hour or so before I brought her home.

 

Somehow, despite hitting it off instantly and being more or less inseparable for the duration of high school, we never slept together. I guess it was high school nervousness, deep-seated Catholicism, and the fact that neither of us had any significant sexual experience up to that point. Some remarkable hand jobs, though, which seemed so very cool back then. I see her every year or so with several other friends when I head home for the holidays. She studies rare bugs now!

[Art Sandusky]

I was 16 and took a girl named Amy (I think) who was 15 to a great Italian place downtown that sadly no longer exists. After dinner, we snuck around the Charleston Place Hotel (if you've never been here, it's one of two or three legit really sweet hotels). Went up on the roof, grabbed handful after handful of hard candy from the conference rooms, ganked some silverware and tea packets I'd never seen before or since, talked our way into the spa, and played the piano in the grand hallway on the second floor. After that, we went over to my old elementary school (also downtown), found an unlocked door, and performed spontaneous monologues for each other on the stage in the cafeteria. This was in the days when making a move on a dear sweet female was unconscionable in my mind because I respected them waaaaaaay too much, so I got nothing out of it. Still, it provided a great outline for future dates and gave me a fun story.

[RepoMan]

It's sort of funny, but I was togeather with my first girlfriend for 6 months, but it never felt like we went out on a date. If we ever went out to dinner or a movie or whatever. Her friend always seemed to tag along. Plus it was the whole "date your best friend" type situation, so it just felt like we were hanging out togeather. The closest thing to a date we ever had was when went to go see Team America. We decided to do that for "Sweetest Day" (the biggest BULLSHIT holiday ever), but it was two days after said holliday, and she ended up paying because the theatre didn't take credit card and I didn't have any cash on me.

 

The first real date I had was in summer of 2007. I kept talking to a girl on facebook I met once at a party. We went out to the Park Ave Fest, one of those things were the bock off some streets and have a bunch of vendors and bands and stuff. Then we went back to her house and watched Little Miss Sunshine a few episodes of Weeds. Then we went to the drive in to see The Simpsons Movie and Die Hard With a Vengance. A little bit of making out. She pissed me off because she wouldn't shut up during Die Hard. Then we went back to her house and made out for a little bit more. I probably had a chance to get a little bit more, but I really wanted to try and take things slow after moving way to fast in my last relationship.

 

I ended up breaking it off after she insisted on texting me 50 times a day and wanting to talk for two hours everyday on the phone.

[Art Sandusky]

What's Sweetest Day? Never heard of it before.

[fazzle]

I don't actually remember her name. It was some chick I used to work with, and I used a sick day so I could go out on the date. It started out shitty when she had decided to invite her retarded friend(as in, literally mentally handicapped) to come out with us. We then went out to eat, where she spent the whole fucking time on her phone with anyone and everyone else. Eventually I just said fuck it and took her back home early so I could go to work and save some of my sick time.

 

Let me repeat that, it was so shitty I WENT TO WORK INSTEAD WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO. She ended up quitting the job a few days later, so I was hoping I had seen the last of her. No, instead, she decided to be a fucking psycho stalker, and call and/or text me over 75 times PER DAY. After one fucking date. In which we barely fucking talked because she spent the whole goddamned time on her phone. I'm just glad she didn't know where I lived.

 

 

Edit: At least I think that was my first date.

[RepoMan]

What's Sweetest Day? Never heard of it before.

 

I knew it was a Bull Shit Holiday, but I had no idea how locailized it was http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweetest_Day. I never heard of it before going to Kent State, I just figured it was beacause I never dated before.

[Guest Czech please!]

Why would there be Beatles music at a '70s disco-themed dance, Jingus?

Technically they did release Let It Be in the 70s, the theme was decade-specific, not supposed to be just disco.

Early 1970 isn't really "the 1970s" in terms of the defined cultural period that followed "the '60s." Everybody knows that, ergo, there wouldn't be Beatles music at a '70s party. You're such a strange combination of giving up and never giving up.