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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Entries in this blog

How To Vibrate
 

This Entry by Walt Whitman

I sometimes wonder why I talk about wrestling to some people.   Let's face it folks, the wrestling boards here (except for General Wrestling) suck, especially the WWE folder. That out of the way, not many are that much better. Hell, DVDVR has good discusions on wrestling that don't devolve into "Cena Sux lol" or other childish insults.   Seriously though, there is always going to be that guy that the IWC sees as a scapegoat. Then again, when was the last time the IWC was really happy? No matter what, they will complain. That out of the way, this is the internet. Everybody complains about something and has a scapegoat, be it AICN vs Rob Zombie, the IWC vs. Cena or HHH, and the list goes on. Nobody is ever really happy online.   Anyways, these are pre-determined wrestling matches. Has it ever come to some of your minds that maybe you are overreacting a bit. I mean, John Cena isn't the Antichrist. Sure, I don't like him being at top for so long either, but he's not the worst wrestler ever. Hell, he's actually a good worker (watch his matches with Michaels-if you didn't like those, then you just harbour a blind hatred) and seems to be a professional guy who was just forced onto the spotlight. Does he deserve all this? Maybe not, but I'm not going to through a fit over it.   What is the fucking point of having member titles like "Cena hater" or "HHHate." You don't even know these guys. For all you know, they are pretty good guys.   And why would anybody harbour such hatred for a wrestler? Doesn't that ever seem like a waste of energy?   In short, life's too short to spend that much time and energy taking a pre determined "sport" so seriously. Tat's all I have to say.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Things everybody should like

There are things I like that's not exactly everybody's cup of tea. Well, they should be, because these things are awesome. These are things I think everybody should like.   -French Pop Music from the 60's nd early 70's. Come on, listen to some Bridgette Bardot and Froncois Hardy, because it's some really good stuff. I know, it's French, so you folks probably think that it sucks. I say give it a chance.   -Synth Pop. Face it fuckers, synth pop rules. Listen to more New Order (well, old New Order), Depeche Mode, and Gary Numan. I'll take that over a lot of whatever is popular with you hipster douchebags.   -Squidbillies. Some hate it, but I love it. Granted, the first episode sucks, but it really picks up from there. Just thank White Jesus that new episodes are coming later in the months ahead.   -The Descent. I'm just mentioning this to reming you folks to see this movie right fucking now. It's the scariest movie you will see this year.   -David Letterman. I love Conan and all, but Letterman will always be my favorite. I was a fan of the guy since my teens, and I am still a fan of his. Hell, I will always be a fan.   -Post punk. You know, like Joy Division, The Contortions, Public Image Limited, etc. Much better than punk if you ask me.   -Bart The General. I posted this yesterday, and it will either make you want to kill yourself, or declare that it's the best thing ever made. If it's the former, then I take no responsibilities on your choices.   -Electro-Funk. You know, like Man Parrish, Afrika Bambaataa, Newcleus, etc. This stuff always seems to get overlooked amongst the other hip hop fans, which is a shame.   -Post Rock. Yeah, it's pretentious as hell, but it's great, and makes for an excellent post apocalyptic soundtrack.   -Potato chips and bananas. Eat some chips, then eat a banana. It's fucking bliss.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

They asked for it...

-The Oscars were on last night. I really wish that Pan's Labyrinth (which got 6 nominations) and Children of Men (got 2) got more love last night, as they are awesome movies. That out of the way, it's great to see Scorcese finally win one, and Forest Whitaker win for best actor. Also, it's great to see Ennio Morricone get an award, but Lifetime Achivement? Come on, he deserved an award years ago...   Oh, and I think Al Gore got too much love last night. I'm no conservative, but I halfway expected someone to start blowing him on stage. "Oh Al, you made us all aware of Global Warming!" Yeah, and scientists didn't say anything before the movie came out. It's sad that it takes Al Gore of all people to make more people care about the environment.   Ellen was ok. Not as bad as some say, but not that good either.   -Well, I've been busy for the last few weeks, what with essays and finals and such. One of the essays is an psychoanalytical look at the splatterpunk and hardcore horror genres in literature.   -"The Abandoned" isa pretty damn good horror movie. It's not perfect (it sags a bit in the middle) but its still a good, atmospheric horror movie. It's refreshing to see a horror movie rely more on atmosphere than pointless torture, at least these days.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Worst Shows on TV

First of all, I'm sure some of you have noticed that me and Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye have been in an debate/argument. All I'm going to say is that I'm done arguing with him. He's not going to convince me or anyone else otherwise, and arguing with him is pointless.   Oh, and Burzum sucks.   Anyways, here's the real reason you folks are going to read this entry: Here's what I think are the worst shows on TV, and why I think they are the worst   -Flavor of Love Man Flava Flav, what happened? You went from telling us about Cold Lampin' to this? How the mighty have fallen. Also, why must they have the ultimate sterotypical white and black women on this show? Why is VH1 still around?   -Uranium Actually, this show would be much more tollerable if they got a new host. Sure, the girl they have right now is pretty hot, but she's so fucking annoying. Also, I like to call Fuse "The Angry White Boy Channel"   -Best Week Ever This IMO, is the worst thing on TV right now. None of the people one the show are funny (actually, Patton Oswald was on the show briefly, so they used to have someone on it that was funny), everyone on it is smary and obnoxious, and deserve a good beating. It also doesn't help when you remember that VH1 actually used to be a decent alternative to MTV. At least we still have VH1 classic.   -Minoriteam To Adult Swim: Sure, jokes about minorities can be amusing, but to base your entire show around stereotypes is just annoying. No, not offensive, just annoying.   -Mind of Mencia Chappelle Flies the Cukoo's nest, and his replacement: An annoying comic who makes half assed observations. Way to go guys!   -Medium Ever wonder what a crime drama/horror show/supernatural show would be like if it were catered to the soccer mom crowd? Here you go. Also, poor, poor Patricia Arquette.   -The O'Reilly Factor I'm not including this because of his Right Wing Bias, or whatever. I'm including this because this man is the most unproffesional personality on television today. Plus, I really hate the guy. He should take a note from Scarborough, or even Tucker Carlson. Sure, Joe gets on my nerves sometimes, and Carlson is a little twit, but at least they know how to act professionally.   -Inuyasha Out of all the anime shows on TV right now, this one's probably the worst. Sure, it probably doesn't help that I'm the only man on Earth who liked "Super Milk Chan", but at least that show didn't have the most retarded fans since Insane Clown Posse came along.   Next time: The Best Guilty Pleasures on TV (past and present)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

The Worst Horror Movie Sequals Ever Made

-I forgot to mention in my last entry that I read both "WrestleCrap" and "The Death Of WCW". Still great stuff.   -Anyways, I've changed my mind, and instead decided to list the worst horror movie sequals ever made instead of the worst movie sequals ever made. Here thay are, in no particualr order:   Hellraiser: Bloodline-To me, this is the worst of the seven sequals. Sure, III was the beginning of the downfall, 5 and 6 were dreadful, and 7 and 8 were watchable (I kinda liked 7), but the fourth entry in the series is the worst because IMO, it had so many possibilities (in spite of it's tacked on sci-fi gimmick) to be good. Pinhead gets in some great lines ("Do I look like someone who cares about what God thinks?") and it has some interesting cenobites, as well as a cool backstory. However, it all feels rushed and incomplete. Basically, it feels like a wasted opportunity.   Friday the 13th 8-The worst of the series, this one is really boring, and feels uninspired. Plus, Jason really doesn't do that much in Manhatten.   Zombi 4: After Death-While "Zombi 3" is bad, it's at least entertainingly bad. This one is the worst of the series, as it has no interesting gore, characters, or even interesting Zombies. It's all just really boring, and proof that America isn't the only place were shitty sequals are made. Fun fact: Don "The Dragon" Wilson has a small role in the movie, and from what I read in a book, one of the lead actors is also a gay pornstar.   Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5-These two movies are complete disasters in the world of zombie cinema, and a slap to the face of any ROTLD fan.   Child's Play III-No interesting kills, an underused Chucky, and a horrible ending make this one a complete disaster. At least we got "Bride of Chucky" after this one.   Pet Cemetary II-Dull, nonsensical, and really just pointless, this is one of the worst sequals to a Stephan King Adaptation I can think of.   The Ring 2-To think, Iactually like the remake more than the Japanese original. Here, Samara becomes a cheap Freddy Krueger knock off, and loses everything that made her scary. Way to go Hollywood.   Return Of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The only thing good in this movie is Matthew McConaughey as a psychopathic redneck named Vilmer. The rest of this (including Leatherface as a cowardly transvestite) is an insult.   That's all for now. Next time: severely underappreciated Horror movies, part one
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

8
How To Vibrate
 

The Saw is Family

-Well, I didn't do good on the exam today. Fortunately, there is a quiz next week, and for some reason, I'm having good feelings about it. Also, there's a good chance for extra credit points, so hey, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.   -Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 comes to DVD in a special edition tomorrow. Can't wait, as I love that movie. Speaking of Texas Chainsaw, anyone here seen the new one that's a prequal of the remake? I was going to, but I was bogged down with homework, and I heard it's not that good.   -Fear Dot Com was on TV last night. Horrible movie (one of the worst I've ever seen), but damn, it's got some nice visuals. Too bad the rest of it sucks.   -Venture Brothers was great as usual last night. I love that the Henchmen are only able to capture the Venture family when they are incredibly shitfaced. For God's sake people, watch the fucking show.   Well,gotta go and do homework.  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

The Rover

-In case you didn't read this thread, I was coming home from class today, when these three guys offered me free bread and cream corn. I don't like cream corn, but I like bread, so I said why not. Well, it turns out that it was free if you visited Tom Green's website, so I didn't get a thing, except cream corn on my hand. So in other words, fuck Tom Green.   -CronoT 2.0 (Inuyasha) was banned, and I say good riddence. He'll be back, but for now, thank God he's gone.   -Congrats to alfdog and Agent of Oblivion for their new moderator gig. Maybe EHME and WP will be banned soon. Until then, let's keep our fingers crossed.   -I saw Katie Couric's CBS evening news debut. It was pretty lackluster, but Morgan Spurlock's appearence was great.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Revenge of Anus Presley

Tonight's blog is named after a Butthole Surfers song.   -As I mentioned last night, I can't see "Silent Hill" this week. To anyone who has seen it: is it worth seeing? Just wanted to know, as I've been looking forward to this one for a while now.   -Since I've been doing so much homework lately, I've been listening to a lot of music, and I mean a lot of it. Here's the songs that I've been listening to the most lately   .Starflyer 59-Sin For a Season First of all, I refuse to believe that this band is a Christian rock band, because they are way too good to be a Christian rock ban. But they are one (and an indie rock band) but don't go expecting some kind of Creed level bullshit. This stuff is basically Indie Rock (you know, good Indie Rock) with a slight shoegazer influence. This song is a cover of a Steven Taylor song, and it's all kinds of awesome, as well as creepy as hell IMO. You can download it Here. .Butthole Surfers-Lady Sniff I love 80's era Butthole Surfers. This is probably one of their funniest songs, with frontman Gibby Haynes sounding like an old pervert with alzheimer's, ranting about God knows what, while random sounds (including belching farting, and vomiting noises) show up every now and then. .Human League-Empire State Human .Depth Charge-Dead By Dawn .AFX-Phonatacid .Goldfrapp-Slide In (DFA Remix) .EPMD-You're a Customer .Glass Candy-Sugar and White (Vocal Mix) .Booker T and The MG's-Melting Pot .The Finnish Version of the Ducktales Theme (I blame YTMND for this one) .Grand Funk Railroad-Sin's A Good Man's Brother .Swervedriver-Bring Me The Head Of The Fortune Teller .The Pretty things-Don't Bring Me Down .Elvis Costello-Accidents Will Happen .Depeche Mode-I Want It All .Yo La Tengo-No Return (Kinks Cover)    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Politics of Dancing

The politics of ooo feeling good!   -Raw was a real mixed bag last night. Why are we all the sudden getting this uneeded supply of man ass all the sudden? Oh, that's right: DX is back, only now they're really boring. Also, Randy Orton getting cheered was really weird. Micky James is awesome again, now that Beth is momentarily gone. Eugene has gotten more annoying than usual, and is actually makng me look forward to the imminent destruction Umaga will give him. This amazes me, as I can't stand Umaga.   -About the sand in Kotz's vagina: Kotz is one of my favorite posters here.   -Here's another weird message board I found thanks to Something Awful's Weekend Web: Rob's Fantasy. Here, all your necrophillia dreams can be discussed. All the more proof that abortion isn't as bad as some make it out to be.   -Leena's posting more, which is alright I guess. I wonder why Matt Young isn't posting as much, as he's much more tolerable than wildpegasus.   -I don't know why, but I've been listening to a lot of synth pop lately, and not just Depeche Mode. I also mean Camouflage, Cause & Effect, and all the other one's not many people talk about.   That's all for now. Next time: Shitty Horror Movies that I love
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Piper at the Gates of Dawn

-Well, I beat razazteca in round 1 of the TSM poster tournament. It feels good to win, though raz isn't really competition. Also, Slayer beat Matt "creepy bastard" Young, Leena (who actually voted for raz) beat snuffbox, and Lushus beat Edwin.   -C-Bacon has returned, and me, Invader3k, and Bobby Peru have ripped on him. Personally, I'm just starting to lose interest in him, as he's pretty much a one-trick pony.   -300 looks good, in spite of the drubbing some critics are giving it. I'll check it out.   -Married to the Sea is an online comic i reccomend. Funny stuff that will hopefully get a laugh out of you. It's no Perry Bible Fellowship, but it's pretty damn good.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Most Pretentious Bands and Albums: Part 1

Well as I promised, here's the start of my countdown of the most pretentious bands and albums of all time, according to me. Let's get this show on the road.   Consolidated-Here's a doozy, a preachy hip-hop/industrial "marxist" band of pro vegan, anti-capitalist jackoffs who pretty much are the epitomy of preachy, and make Rage Against the Machine look like The Osmonds. The real kicker for the group is their love of the book The Sexual Politics of Meat, a book that pretty much says that if you eat meat, then you hate women and want to rape them. Of course, the band took this to heart, as most of their songs tell you that anyone who eats meat is a rapist. Oh, and if you don't agree with them on their bullshit theories, then you are a fascist (they accuse just about everyone they disagree with fascists) who hates women and is homophobic. Oh, and read the lyrics to the song "Tool and Die", which are so preachy, they would make Lars Van Trier cringe.   Basically, what I'm trying to say is this: There is nothing sadder than hearing obnoxious white dudes rapping about how bad black people have it. Yeah, like they really know anything about the struggles minorities go through in this country. It's practically a fucking minstrel show. I do get some satisfaction though, in the fact that their anti-meat/"feminist" songs are being played at fetish clubs where women are willingly tied up and whipped today. That's irony for ya.   Kiss-Music For The Elder-From what I've heard, even the band themselves are embarrassed of this disaster. I still find it hard to believe that fucking Kiss, probably one of the least pretentious bands of all time, recorded this bloated piece of shit. Just listen to the songs like "The Oddyssey" and "I", and you'll wonder "what the fuck were they thinking". Also, to this day, I still don't know what the fuck the album is about. Could somebody please tell me what the albums concept is?   Burzum-I've mentioned in the past that I hate Burzum, as I've metioned it many a time on this thread. Read all about why I think that Burzum is one of the lamest and most pretentious projects in music history on that thread. Oh, and don't bother responding to Thumbtack, asd he seems to be in a permanent bad mood over there, and I quit arguing with him last week.   Neil Young-Trans-When artists try experimenting with different styles of music, it's a slippery road. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. This album is a perfect example of what happens when it doesn't work. Now I love Neil Young, but damnit, this album is a pretentious mess. Basically, Young decided to experiment with synthesizers and vocorders, and made this album. It's no wonder why it's hard to find in the U.S., except for Imports and on ebay, as it's a bloated disaster, and a real headscratcher as well. This album has split Young fans, with some thinking it's his most daring work. Well, daring doesn't always mean good, if you ask me.   That's all for today. The list continues next time
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Most overrated Horror Movies ever made

Earlier, I promised that yuou would see my list of what I think are the most overrated Horror Movies ever. Well, here's my list.   -Friday the 13th Part 4-I never got the love for this one. Sure, it's got some nice kills, but it's also not the best of the series (I think that would have to be Part 2). Plus, Jason is killed by Cory Feldman. Seriously, of all the people, why him?   -The Lost Boys-Everyone seems to love this one but me. Sure, it has it's moments, but compared to "From Dusk Till Dawn" or "Near Dark" (which came out that year), it's inferior. Check out "Near Dark" instead, which is considered a horror classic for good reasons.   -Cannibal Holocaust-Whether or not it inspired Blair Witch is beyond the point: this one is not as good as it's reputation says it is. Sure, the score is nice, and it is disturbing at times, but for the most part it fails due to some weak gore and the fact that it tries so hard to shock you, that you just grow bored. Then there's the whole "I wonder who the real savages are" ending which is forced and contrived. Seriously, this movie condemning sensationalism while wallowing in rape, tortue, and animal mutilation is pretty hypocritical.   -Zombi 2-Lucio Fulci's gorefest is actually kind of a bore. While the good parts work, the movie is mostly really talky and boring. To those who say it's better than Romero's zombie movies: Romero's Zombie movies have interesting characters you sympathize for, have much better acting, are more professional, have a plot you can follow, and are better than this movie could ever be. Oh, and there's the fact that some talk about the film pulling off social commentary. To those who think that: Fulci always thought that such things didn't belong in his movies/   -April Fools Day-It's ironic that so many horror fans hate "Scream" but love this movie, which is more self aware, and thinks that it's smarter than it's audience. I will agree that the sequals to Scream (and the many knock offs) do fall for that trap.   -NOES 3-I have to admit, I only liked the first NOES movies. I personally think that once Freddy started saying one liners and such, the series began to suck. To this day, the popularity of this movie alludes me.      
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Madcap Laughs

This entry is dedicated to late Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett, who died last week. RIP Syd, you will always be missed.   Syd Barrett 1946-2006 RIP   And now, onto other things   -I got Edward Lee's "The Bighead" last Saturday, and so far, it's great, and really disgusting. So far, it has consumption of shit, piss, rape, inbred rednecks, a profane priest, a nymphomaniac, cannibalism, hardcore sex, a disgusting bit with a colostomy bag, murder, a newborn baby having it's head bashed in, a pair of evil perverted nuns from hell, and more. And I'm not even half way done. I'll get to a review of it when I'm done, though at this point, it looks like a review of Joe Lansdales zombie western "Dead in the West" won't be for a long while.   -I got Thom Yorke's "The Eraser" Yesterday, and it's great. A lot of glitchy techno, with gutiar and bass only appearing (seperatly) on two tracks. Felonies said it reminded him of recent Radiohead b-sides, and I agree-and think that it's a good thing. I dig glitchy, weirds techno.   -There's problems right now between Isreal and Hizbollah. Well, what's new? I'm sorry, but there's always been problems in the Middle East. There have been problems in the Middle East for God knows how long. So, what do I think? Well, we can't settle it with war, because we can't get in another war. At the same time though, we can't solve this diplomatically, because as the past has proven, there is no real diplomatic solution right now, or possibly even in the future.   -"Little Man" is the number 2 movie in America right now, and proves once again that the majority of movie goers today are idiots.   -"The Venture Brothers" and "Tom Goes To The Mayor" continue to kick ass on Adult Swim. That is all.   That's all for now. Next time: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

The lyrical genius of R.Kelly

R.Kelly is insane. He's also a lyrical genius. Or he's inane. Either way, he's R.Kelly, and he's a goledn shower loving pedophile who loves bad lyrical puns and metaphors for sex. Here's a few songs that are proof.   "You Remind Me of Something"   "Sex Weed"   "The Zoo"   Last but not least, "Sex Planet   I rest my case.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (Day 7)

07.) The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (1974)

Plot: Two hippies (ugh) are suspected of being behind a series of murders. Thing is, it's actually the living dead-brought back by chemical pesticides-who are responsible.

Review: After Night of the Living Dead, other filmmakers tried their hand at combining the living dead with social commentary. The first gory zombie movie from Italy to do so, "The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue" predates the likes of "Dawn of the Dead", as well as later Italian gore flicks.

While the hippie angle may turn some viewers off, the movie in itself is largely a success, mostly because it doesn't become too preachy with it's message, and remembers that it's a horror movie first and foremost. In case you were wondering, the movie have it's fare share of atmospheric and gory moments, including some creepy as hell walking dead, a wonderful sequence in the cemetery, a woman's breast being torn straight off, and more. Adding to it all is some strong acting, a nice score, and top notch directing.

"The Living Dead At Manchester Morgue" is considered one of the best European horror movies of all time, and for a good reason. Just be sure to get the new 2-disc DVD, as it's the definitive version.

Rating: 9/10 A classic zombie movie, and a must for those interested in seeing more of the sub-genre.


Next Time We Look At: One Dark Night
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Internet is driving me crazy

In case you didn't know, the internet is where political debate and a personal opinion go to die. Now everywhere I go online, I hear bullshit like "OBAMA A SECRET MUSLIM" or "PALIN AN EVIL WOMAN!"   This is what politics has transformed into: a shouting match. Taunting each other. Puffing one's chest. Saying retarded things like "Barack Obama HUSSEIN!!!!" This is not political discussion or observation. This is childish bullshit. This has become The Justice League vs. The Legion of Doom for some people. How else would you explain the popularity of political blogs that say the same right wing and left wing talking points?   This is retarded. I do not want McCaine to be the next president.* I also wish people on both sides were better than this, and that dumb personal attacks, "our way or the high way" and "America: love it or leave it" bullshit didn't exist. But it does. Maybe it's because the internet has given retarded mouth breathers a voice that no one with a properly functioning brain would want to hear. People should be better than this, but they aren't. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have the likes of Michael Moore and Sean Hannity. It's not a eprfect world though.   In short, until you have something to say that's 1.) Not a talking point, 2.) Actually intelligent, 3.) Not a stupid personal attack on character that has nothing to with the issues, or 4.) Mature, then I don't want to hear it. Blow it out of your ass. People like this are what's ruining political discourse in this country. It has gotten to a point where disagreement leads to insults and shouting. Come on, you can be better than that.     *I do however, want to fuck Palin's brains out.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

The Grapes of Death (Day 23)

23.) The Grapes of Death (1978)

Plot: A woman finds herself trying to survive a French Countryside swarmed with the living dead.

Review: Prolific Exploitation autuer Jean Rollin's 1978 gem is actually his first in a trilogy of zombie movies: the others include the atrocious Zombie Lake and the surreal but good Living Dead Girl. However, "Grapes" is the best of the three movies, as well as the most coherent and conventional.

Fans hoping for graphic violence and bloodshed will be pleased with this movie. The eerie "just rotting" look of the zombies is effective, and we get plenty of nice gore, including a great bit involving a Pitchfork. There's also plenty of fog drenched atmosphere, and the requisite Rollin movie nudity, to make fans of horror happy. Especially effective is the way Rollin uses the desolate French countryside, creating a sense of menace and dread, which is accompanied by an excellent electronic score.

That out of the way, some will probably be turned off by the episodic feel of the movie, as scenes occur that may leave viewers confused. To me though,that's not a problem, as it adds to the nightmarish quality of the proceedings.

"The Grapes of Death" is both a classic Gallic horror movie and a classic zombie movie. See it if you want to get a gander at what Rollin was capable of.

Rating: 9/10 One of Jean Rollin's best movies, and a great, original zombie movie to boot.

Next Time: Horror Rises From the Tomb
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Friday The 13th Series: A Brief Retrospective

In case you didn't know, the "Friday the 13th" remake recently made the top spot in the box office. Well, in retrospective, here's a look at the series so far:   -Friday the 13th-A good beginning, though not the best in the series. Funny that for a film that helped set the staples for the slasher film, the original "Friday" feels more like an Itallian Giallo film than it does a slasher movie. Also, the arrow through the throat scene is still one of the best kills in horror history. Rating: 7/10   -Friday the 13th II-Along with Part 4, this is tied as my favorite entry in the series. Unlike the following sequals, there's a genuine sense of dread and eeriness pervading the proceedings, and the burlap sack mask is pretty interesting too. Rating: 8.5/10   -Friday the 13th III-Jason kills dumb teens in 3D for your enjoyment. A pretty fun entry, which introduced the Hockey Mask wearing Jason we all know today, and contains an oddly endearing quality to it beyond it's slasher movie trappings. Also worth noting is the dude with the Jewfro-a hairstyle originally meant to portray complete losers is now loved thanks to the likes of Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Rating: 8/10   -Friday the 13th IV-One of the best entries in the series, and featuring the most remorseless, vicious Jason in the history of the franchise. The presence of Crispen Glover doesn't hurt either. Rating: 8.5/10   -Friday the 13th V-Has the most nudity in the series, and some splendid kills as well. That out of the way, the film itself feels too much like its going through the motions, and is the first to show signs of the series losing steam. The fact that it's an imposter Jason doesn't help either. Rating: 5/10   -Friday the 13th VI-At this point, the series tries to inject more humor to the proceedings. While this doesn't hurt for the large part (Arnold Horshack getting knocked off is a huge plus,) it still doesn't live up to expectations, and again, shows the franchise running out of steam. Rating: 6/10   -Friday the 13th VII-Two major pluses: the introduction of Kane Hodder as Jason-simply put, he's the best Jason the series has ever had. Also, it has the best kill in the series-woman trapped in a sleeping bag slammed against a tree trunk. Sadly the MPAA cutting out much of the gore, and another sense of going through the motions (not even the evil bitch character-a slasher stereotype I love-can save this) makes this an unspectacular entry in the series. Rating: 5/10   -Friday the 13th VIII-Jason on a boat. Terrible not only as an entry in the series, but as a slasher movie overall. Nothing-not even the black guy getting his head knocked off-feels new or interesting, and the whole thing is proof that the series needed to die. Rating: 0/10   -Jason Goes To Hell-And takes the viewer with him in this horrible attempt to breath new life in the franchise. The less said the better. Rating: 0/10   -Jason X-Proofyour horror franchise is now a joke: put the villain in space. Actually, this is several steps up, with jokes that are actually funny ("We love pre-marital sex!") and one of the best kills in the series (cryogen frozen face shattered.) Watchable, but feels too much like a Sci-Fi channel made for TV movie to really work. Rating: 6/10   -Freddy vs. Jason-Fans were clammering for it, and here it was. While it doesn't live up to all of the expectations, it's still a good entry in the series, though admittingly, it;s a stringer "Nightmare on Elmstreet" movie than it is a "Friday the 13th" movie. Rating: 7/10   -Friday the 13th (Remake)-Yes, you've seen it before-but that's why it fun. A much needed reboot that feels more like an entry in the series than a remake, and the most vicious Jason since part IV.Sure, the score is unremarkable, and Jason is a bit too smart for his own good at times, but it's still a good entry that brings the fun back to the franchise. Rating: 7.5/10
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

The Final 2007 Year in Review

-Milky made a much needed return, helping to make TSM interesting again.   -Leena was banned for being a cunt who takes the internet as serious business, and made many aborted attempts at a return.   -Ron Paul supporters are fucking crazy.   -Chavez didn't become President for life (thank God), thus hurting the feelings of Cena's Writer and C-Bacon.   -Huckabee and Romney got more support, while Rudy continues to tank.   -Rosie became the worst fucking celebrity on Earth, left The View, revealed she's a Truther, and the list goes on.   -Brittney attempted a comeback...and failed.   -Something happened involving Chris Benoit...wildpegasus han't been heard from since.   -Hillary lost some footing in grounds to her goal to become president.   -Larry Craig has a wide stance, if you get my drift (hurr hurr hurr)   -Athiests yelled at each other on Youtube. So much for religion being the blame for everything. Here's a rule: guys who are teenagers and/or live at home with there parents should not be Athiests, because they can't say things intelligently. (teens and people who live at home, not Athiests.)   -Fark finally joined the ranks of Free Republic and Democratic Underground, as it is now a haven for truthers, trolls, conservative nutjobs, wanna be communists, and angry Athiests.   -Anna Nicole died. Her last movie is Oh, and yes, that's Chyna. Speaking of which, her appearence on Larry King was something else. She'll be on "Celebrity Rehab" in January, and the fact that such a show exists kills my soul a bit.  -Fuck Chocolate Rain, this is the best video on Youtube.   -"Grindhouse" tanked, yet "Alvin and the chipmunks" made a ton of cash. For fuck's sake America. Oh, and "No Country for Old Men" is the best movie of the year.   -Deon became the worst poster on TSM, and had his name changed to Douchebag. Carlito Brigante's stupidity continues unabated, as he got a girl pregnant and is getting in another fight. To quote snuffbox, "One day, ehme, the internet will take you as seriously as you take it."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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The end of wildpegasus

September 14th, 2006: The Day wildpegasus was banned.   I've been posting on these boards for two years now. For a while, I didn't pay any attention to WP. Sure, there was the now legendary Astro Boy thread, but that was it.   Then, sometime this year (I think it was summer, I don't really remember), it finally happened: the man pissed me off.   It was in the CE folder, on a thread about the conspiracy theory disguised as a documentary "Loose Change". Firt of all, if you really think that everything in "Loose Change" is true, then you are an idiot. So of course, WP mentioned the fireman saying "it sounded like bombs" (though that's not the entire sentence that the fireman said), and basically acted a fool. I told him that he was an idiot, and I dared him to say such things in front of somebody who lost their loved ones on 9/11.   After that, I decided to look more into WP, and found out his sordid history: The fact that he's 29, a virgin, and still lives with his parents. Then there's the aftermentioned Astro Boy thread, which in itself is a homage to self pity and loneliness that beats out every other bit of loneliness and self pity I have seen on the net. Then there's the fact that he pissed everybody off. Oh, and his posts in the LSD folder are the stuff of great comedy.   Then, there's the benchpress story, in which he claimed to have achieved orgasm through exercise techniques, and that "there was no hip movement." He also called Czech "kid" at one point (Czech is 10 or 11 years WP's junior, and he's no where near as pathetic.) and started bugging me as well, at a few points calling me "girlfriend", even though I'm a 23 year old guy who's a college senior. He even supposidly created a gimmick account to defend himself.   Now he's been banned.   I'm actually suprised. People kept calling for WP to be banned, but the requests fell on deaf ears for a while. Now he's gone. To be honest, I kind of miss him, simply because well, who am I going to make fun of now?   Let's face it folks, making fun of WP was fun. Sure, he was a serious jackass, but he was an amusing one due to the sheer level of his being a loser. I actually don't think he was a gimmick, and that he really was that pathetic. Also, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't amused by the way he pissed everyone off so much.Sure, he was a slimey, pathetic, shameless, loser. But damnit, he was our slimey, pathetic, shameless loser.   That out of the way, I'm also kind of glad he's gone. His posts sometimes reached levels of depressing in how sad and worthless they were, and the way he is, and always will be.   so, RIP WP. Oh, and good riddence.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
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The End of Spoontoaster, and Happy Thanksgiving

Words from Hotbutter Spoontoaster, directed towards me. He was banned yesterday for making retarded racist comments in a thread about Kramer being racist, and for being a troll.   I remember when he first started posting. He constantly spelled words wrong, and insulted people, saying "I'll shit the fuck up all in your face" or something like that at one point. While it was amusing at first, it got annoying, especially the phrase WE KNOW. He even insulted me, as you can see above. I personally find this amusing, and think it's the funniest insult directed towards me on the net I've seen in a long while.   Some think he was FromBeyondTheGrave or Fake Rando. It really soesn't matter, because he's gone. Will I miss him? No. His gimmick well reached experation, and it got annoying really fast. Plus, his arguments with the likes of Paul and niskie got annoying really fast. So good riddence, I say.   I do take "weird horror movie freak guy" as a complement though.   -Oh yea, and Happy Thanksgiving folks. Hope you get stuffed and don't kill any family members over the Holiday.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

The End of EHME

Febuary 10th, 2009. The day EHME was put to rest (banned)   Granted, this banning was a long time coming. The man had been skirting the edges since 2006. People were calling for his banning then, and they were recently. His entire tough guy act was terrible-he couldn't even do that right. Everything about the man was annoying.   His constant homophobia, drunken (and sometimes coked up) antics that were more tiresome than interesting (he couldn't even do drunk posting right), terrible attempts at starting fights with others, threats of violence towards other posters, cliched tough guy dialogue (fuck you, bitch, fag, faggot, etc), impregnating a woman (and gloating about it-seriously, who the fuck does that? It's amazing protective services haven't taken the kid away yet), horrible attempts at humor (saying your only kidding when threatening posters is no excuse for sucking you dumb fuck), and general attitude served as nothing but a detriment to the board. At times, he was so horrible, he actually made me long for the days of the likes of CronoT.   Now he's gone. Or at least until Mike unbans him and pisses everyone off for being a dolt.   Will he be missed? Fat chance. Every message board has it's EHME. Hell, we have a terrible poster or two or more banned every year. It's just that this one was two or three years too late. In the end, nobody will miss him or his antics. He had enough chances already, and today was the last one. He finally blew it. Sure, there are other terrible posters here, but there was only one EHME on this board. And one was enough. He wasn't the worst poster we've had (that prize goes to either MikeSC or wildpegasus), but he was undoubtably one of the worst.   So good riddence.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
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The End of Deon Dark

Deon's regime as a poster: July 3rd, 2003-September 21st, 2008   That's five years too long.   Yep, Deon's been banned. You may know Deon as "Rocky", "MVP", and "Douchebag." The reign of terror is over.   Who was Deon? Come on, if you're reading this, you know who he is. He's a poster so bad nobody would defend him. A poster so bad that even Marvin, EHME in the past, and WP look good in comparison. A man so stupid that he had no idea why people hated him so much, even though it was practically spelled out to him. A man who's thread bumping almost made Vanhalen's look good by comparison. A man who bragged about ruining an ex girlfriend's life, and had no shame about it. A man even much of the WWE folder didn't like. A man with no defenders-even wildpegasus and Marvin have defenders.   No he's gone.   Good riddance too. I've made no secret of my hatred of Deon. He was quite possibly the worst poster on the board. Sure, cabbageboy, Truthiness, Enigma, Marvin, etc. aren't what you'd call good either, but they just annoy me. Deon was so bad I'd cringe whenever he posted. He was possibly the only poster on the board that has actually made me mad. That's right, Deon was so bad, it pissed me off. Now, thank God, he's gone. Ceased to be in the board.   Only question is, who do I rip on now? Well, we'll see. For now a celebration is in order, because Deon is finally gone.   Happy Days indeed.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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The Dunwich Horror

Dunwich child
you know not your fathers name
dope numbs the pain
ascend dark wooded hills to kane
your mothers witches
burnt at the stake for sorcery
you were conceived
upon the altar, rites obscene

child of Dunwich rise
you have your fathers eyes
child of Dunwich rise
end the world that you despise

Dunwich child,
of whispered past now they'll learn
high on the hill
black clouds gather, now they'll burn
bay at the stars
why was I born at all?
hear voices of doom
from other world your fathers call

our time has come
the end has begun.....
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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